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1
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:07,048
Well...
spring has sprung.
2
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,175
The food truck business
is about to boom,
3
00:00:09,467 --> 00:00:11,677
which means once again I have
to contend with my archenemy,
4
00:00:11,969 --> 00:00:12,762
the Brazilian.
5
00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:16,349
What's wrong with you guys?
6
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:17,725
Normally, you'd
razz me pretty hard
7
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:18,935
when I say things like
"Spring has sprung."
8
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,436
Or when I walk into a room.
9
00:00:22,480 --> 00:00:23,689
"Five way jinx."
Really?
10
00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:27,151
"Yes, really!"
11
00:00:27,443 --> 00:00:28,778
All right, fine. Max,
Penny, Brad, Jane, Alex.
12
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:29,737
Unjinxed.
13
00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:33,991
You don't have to hold
your breath when you're jinxed.
14
00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:35,117
I play prison rules.
15
00:00:35,409 --> 00:00:36,327
They play jinx in prison?
16
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:38,579
Guys, back to my thing!
The Brazilian.
17
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:39,747
Oh, you mean that guy with
the awesome steak truck...
18
00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:41,666
Rio De Ja-tasty?
19
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:44,210
Oh, I love that guy. He has
the best churrascherascia.
20
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:45,503
It's... Churrascherascia.
21
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:46,837
Ugh.
Gross.
22
00:00:47,129 --> 00:00:48,548
Anyway, the guy's a real jerk.
23
00:00:48,839 --> 00:00:50,925
He's always sabotaging me,
trying to steal my business.
24
00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:52,843
Just fight back
like you did in high school
25
00:00:53,135 --> 00:00:54,262
when those kids stole
your can of mousse.
26
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,138
Oh, wait.
You didn't fight back.
27
00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:57,515
You just hid
in the yearbook office
28
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:59,141
and complained that
your hair wasn't hard enough.
29
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:00,893
Penny, this dude is hard-core.
30
00:01:01,185 --> 00:01:02,562
One time, he plugged an
exhaust vent in my truck
31
00:01:02,853 --> 00:01:04,230
with human manure.
32
00:01:04,522 --> 00:01:06,691
And he's always calling in
fake to-go orders.
33
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,484
You didn't think it was weird
that Dean Cain asked you
34
00:01:08,776 --> 00:01:10,736
to cater an 1,100
person bachelor party?
35
00:01:11,028 --> 00:01:12,154
No, Jane, I didn't
think it was weird
36
00:01:12,446 --> 00:01:14,699
because it was
Dean freakin' Cain.
37
00:01:14,991 --> 00:01:16,158
Oh.
The point is,
38
00:01:16,450 --> 00:01:18,828
I gotta be a man
and stand up for myself...
39
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,830
On my own, with you
guys behind me...
40
00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:22,665
Brad, maybe you more
towards the front,
41
00:01:22,957 --> 00:01:25,001
perhaps wearing
some Raiders gear?
42
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,837
Well, us gals can't help
'cause we're too busy
43
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,798
doing some last-minute details
for the old wedding.
44
00:01:31,090 --> 00:01:33,634
Yep. I'm officially
in the wedding red zone.
45
00:01:33,926 --> 00:01:35,052
See, I put that in sports terms
so you guys could understand.
46
00:01:36,220 --> 00:01:38,014
We're in
the eighth quarter, boys,
47
00:01:38,306 --> 00:01:40,641
about to put some sports
points up on the scoreyard.
48
00:01:40,933 --> 00:01:43,185
Oops. I think
I fumbled the ball.
49
00:01:43,477 --> 00:01:45,438
Turn under.
50
00:01:45,730 --> 00:01:48,399
Well, Brad, Max?
I don't know.
51
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:51,360
I sent myself an alarm clock
to scare the FedEx guy,
52
00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:52,820
and that's showing up
around 1:00.
53
00:01:53,112 --> 00:01:53,904
But other than that,
I think I'm free.
54
00:01:54,196 --> 00:01:55,364
I'm all clear.
Was gonna volunteer
55
00:01:55,656 --> 00:01:57,283
teaching some inner
city kids how to read,
56
00:01:57,575 --> 00:01:59,160
but then I was like... This is my Saturday.
57
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,454
Awesome. Well, the girls
got their stupid thing,
58
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:04,206
and we got our awesome thing,
so go us on three. Ready?
59
00:02:04,498 --> 00:02:05,583
One...
60
00:02:05,875 --> 00:02:06,792
Jinx!
61
00:02:18,638 --> 00:02:21,807
Then at 3:12,
Penny enters, lookin' gorg,
62
00:02:22,099 --> 00:02:24,185
saunters down the aisle
63
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,271
as we call once again on the
obese Hawaiian ukulele trio
64
00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:28,939
for Suddenly Seymour...
65
00:02:29,231 --> 00:02:30,149
From Little Shop of Horrors.
66
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,776
Fat people
and tiny instruments...
67
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,944
You think they're gonna eat
'em, but then they play 'em.
68
00:02:34,236 --> 00:02:36,072
Yep. Oh, God. It's
just like I dreamed.
69
00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:36,989
Wait. Who's gonna
walk you down the aisle?
70
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:42,078
You know what? I never
even thought about that.
71
00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:44,747
You had Jane plan you a backup
wedding in an underground bunker
72
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:48,084
just in case North Korea
quote "Grew a pair..."
73
00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,044
But you never thought about who was
gonna walk you down the aisle?
74
00:02:51,921 --> 00:02:53,839
Wait! You should have
your dad do it.
75
00:02:54,131 --> 00:02:55,216
What?
Yes!
76
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:58,094
Why? I can't even remember
the last time I saw him.
77
00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,345
Yeah, 'cause he's a deadbeat.
78
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:01,180
He left you and your mom
to become an actor?
79
00:03:01,472 --> 00:03:03,641
Ugh.
Actors are the worst.
80
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:05,601
Awful.
The worst.
81
00:03:05,893 --> 00:03:07,436
But, Jane, "deadbeat"
is a little strong.
82
00:03:07,728 --> 00:03:10,106
Roy and my mom were 17.
83
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,483
They were just two kids
doing Shakespeare in the park
84
00:03:12,775 --> 00:03:14,110
and each other
in the parking lot.
85
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:16,028
Besides, my mom and I
were fine without him.
86
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:17,947
But this is a chance
to reconnect with him.
87
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:19,740
No, Pen, I don't wanna
see you get hurt.
88
00:03:20,032 --> 00:03:21,992
Okay, he was
never there for you.
89
00:03:22,284 --> 00:03:23,661
Why would you let him be a
part of your special day?
90
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:25,121
Come on, Penny. You have
half your dad's D.N.A.,
91
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,831
and you're amazing.
92
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,833
He has all his D.N.A.
93
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:30,626
Think of how great he could be.
94
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:31,585
He's the great unknown.
95
00:03:32,378 --> 00:03:33,504
He's the moon.
96
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:34,547
We've been to the moon.
97
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,507
Really, Jane? Have we?
98
00:03:36,799 --> 00:03:38,467
Or have we been to
a soundstage in Burbank?
99
00:03:38,759 --> 00:03:40,302
Penny, you got to
at least call him
100
00:03:40,594 --> 00:03:41,470
and tell him that
you're getting married.
101
00:03:43,305 --> 00:03:44,974
Yeah. Maybe I will.
102
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,517
- Yes!
- Ah!
103
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,271
Brad, you're a businessman.
How do I beat the Brazilian?
104
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:51,897
Well...
105
00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:54,400
You need to follow the four
basic business principles...
106
00:03:54,692 --> 00:03:57,111
Marketing, quality,
research, and service.
107
00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:58,696
It's a little something
we in the corporate world
108
00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,573
like to call
"Maskqualisearcheting."
109
00:04:05,035 --> 00:04:06,912
I have sat silent long enough.
110
00:04:07,204 --> 00:04:08,414
It's been 20 seconds.
111
00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:11,375
Dave, you don't need
any of this business crap.
112
00:04:11,667 --> 00:04:13,335
What you need is to play dirty.
113
00:04:13,627 --> 00:04:14,837
You need a dirtbag,
114
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,006
and luckily enough for you,
my middle name is Herbert...
115
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:19,008
And I'm a dirtbag.
116
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,051
He's not lying.
He once ladybugs'd himself
117
00:04:21,343 --> 00:04:23,012
into a junior high girls
soccer tournament,
118
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:24,638
bet against the team,
and then threw the game.
119
00:04:24,930 --> 00:04:27,683
Best $45 I ever won,
minus the $10 it cost me
120
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,644
to find an ace bandage big
enough to strap down my girls.
121
00:04:30,936 --> 00:04:33,481
But what we need to do, David,
is go down to his butcher,
122
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:35,900
change the order from
delicious churrasco beef
123
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,194
that he usually gets
to all the nasty bits.
124
00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:41,947
I'm talkin' lips, veins,
and grade Y crotch meat.
125
00:04:42,239 --> 00:04:43,324
Are you telling me
that you convinced
126
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,075
an A.Y.S.O.
tournament director
127
00:04:45,367 --> 00:04:47,203
that you were as flat
as a seventh grade girl?
128
00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,079
Guilty as charged.
129
00:04:49,371 --> 00:04:50,664
Well, I tried playing fair,
and it didn't work.
130
00:04:50,956 --> 00:04:51,749
Max, you got the ball now.
131
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,083
What?
132
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,004
Oh. Oh, yeah!
133
00:04:57,296 --> 00:04:59,048
Yeah, I can handle it.
Good call.
134
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:01,091
Guys, thank you so much
135
00:05:01,383 --> 00:05:03,260
for coming with me to meet my dad.
I am nervous.
136
00:05:03,552 --> 00:05:06,222
Don't be! It's exciting!
137
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:08,432
Well, he's off to a great start...
Twenty minutes late.
138
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,392
Classic deadbeat dad move.
139
00:05:10,684 --> 00:05:13,521
Right now he's probably in the
engine room of a riverboat casino,
140
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:14,438
just begging
for his thumbs back.
141
00:05:15,147 --> 00:05:16,023
Penny?
142
00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,276
Hi, Roy. Oh.
143
00:05:19,568 --> 00:05:21,320
Oh. Hi... Oh.
144
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:22,488
Uh...
Hey. Hello.
145
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:23,697
Okay. Hi.
Hello.
146
00:05:23,989 --> 00:05:24,740
Okay.
147
00:05:25,032 --> 00:05:26,242
Roy, this is Jane and Alex.
148
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:27,910
Hi!
'Sup, trick?
149
00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,745
Nice to meet you both.
150
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:31,497
Listen, Penny,
I'm sorry I'm late.
151
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:32,915
I wanted to bring you flowers,
152
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:34,166
but I didn't know
what kind you liked,
153
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:36,085
so I just took a stab
and I went with peonies.
154
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:38,128
They're my favorite!
155
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,214
I mean...
They're a'ight.
156
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,299
So... What? You're just gonna
give these flowers to Penny,
157
00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:44,134
expect her to raise them
by herself?
158
00:05:44,426 --> 00:05:45,761
Oh, come on, Jane.
159
00:05:46,053 --> 00:05:48,848
Only a dad could guess his
daughters favorite flowers.
160
00:05:49,139 --> 00:05:50,975
Quick, what's Penny's
favorite food? Bacon.
161
00:05:51,267 --> 00:05:53,018
Wait. That's mine.
Let me guess.
162
00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:55,104
You're the friend that I'm
gonna have to win over,
163
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,565
you're the optimist that
believes in second chances,
164
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:58,774
and you're Penny, right?
165
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:02,486
I'm kidding!
166
00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:04,154
I'm... I'm nervous, and I
joke when I'm nervous, so...
167
00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:06,073
So do I. So do I.
Yeah.
168
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:08,284
You know, a Mexican
walks into a spaceship.
169
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,327
I'm sorry.
I get racist when I joke.
170
00:06:10,619 --> 00:06:13,581
And I get hungry when I get racist.
Okay.
171
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:14,498
Should we sit down and order?
172
00:06:14,790 --> 00:06:17,626
Yeah. Okay.
173
00:06:17,918 --> 00:06:20,880
Okay, you want us to cancel the
rib eye and the top sirloin,
174
00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:24,300
and instead you want a tripe,
ligament, and inner ear meat.
175
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:26,594
All right. And there's so such
thing as a prime colon chop, pal.
176
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,721
Ah, for shame.
177
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:30,764
Are you sure about this?
178
00:06:31,056 --> 00:06:33,475
Us at Rio De Ja-tasty are
going in a new direction.
179
00:06:33,767 --> 00:06:34,977
All right,
we'll send it out shortly.
180
00:06:35,269 --> 00:06:36,395
Obrigado, my friend.
181
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:44,028
Sorry, shoulders.
182
00:06:45,362 --> 00:06:46,989
It's okay, cool pants.
I'm Wilson.
183
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:49,241
Max.
184
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:50,075
We should hang out sometime.
185
00:06:51,785 --> 00:06:52,328
Ooh!
186
00:06:53,370 --> 00:06:54,455
World-class hang, bro.
187
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:58,667
So I'm in Studio 54.
188
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:01,629
It's 1981, '82,
something like that,
189
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:04,381
and Stephen Sondheim looks at me...
190
00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:06,091
And says, "You've
got it."
191
00:07:06,383 --> 00:07:07,718
Stephen Joshua Sondheim.
192
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,471
"You've got it."
193
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,973
Of course, then I realized he
was talking about his umbrella.
194
00:07:13,265 --> 00:07:14,558
'Cause we were
by the front door,
195
00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:16,060
and I thought there
was, like, a communal
196
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:17,645
"give an umbrella,
take an umbrella" thing.
197
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,229
But, you know, that was...
198
00:07:19,521 --> 00:07:20,981
That was broadway in the '80s.
199
00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:23,025
Wow!
Amazing!
200
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,902
Certainly beats reading a bedtime
story to your newborn daughter.
201
00:07:26,403 --> 00:07:28,697
Okay, look,
I've got no excuse, okay?
202
00:07:29,531 --> 00:07:30,950
I'm so sorry.
203
00:07:31,241 --> 00:07:34,578
But I was young,
and I was chasing a dream.
204
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:35,746
If it makes you feel better,
205
00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,289
the dream didn't
work out either.
206
00:07:37,581 --> 00:07:39,249
Yeah, that does
make me feel better.
207
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,418
So what now, Roy? Hmm?
You here for a handout?
208
00:07:41,710 --> 00:07:43,420
Oh, no. No.
209
00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:44,880
Uh, I started a company
a few years ago...
210
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,632
Roy's Hard Mimosas.
211
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,342
We're doing pretty well.
Have you heard of 'em?
212
00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:51,136
Heard of it? It's the
champagne of mimosas!
213
00:07:51,428 --> 00:07:52,930
Really? This is great! Congratulations!
Yeah! Yeah!
214
00:07:53,222 --> 00:07:54,556
Oh, thank you.
Oh!
215
00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:55,683
Let me propose a toast.
216
00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:56,850
Ah!
217
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:59,144
Oh, Penny,
218
00:07:59,436 --> 00:08:00,813
I never thought that you'd
ever want to talk to me again,
219
00:08:01,105 --> 00:08:02,898
so thank you.
220
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,775
So here's to second chances,
221
00:08:05,067 --> 00:08:05,818
and here's to Penny.
Here's to you.
222
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:06,944
Aw! Cheers!
223
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:08,028
To Penny.
224
00:08:12,074 --> 00:08:13,075
Hey, is this thing street-legal?
225
00:08:14,743 --> 00:08:16,203
Sure, but as far as
the law is concerned,
226
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:18,038
you're a bag of groceries.
227
00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:19,957
So where is
your dumb job anyway?
228
00:08:20,249 --> 00:08:20,833
I work right there.
229
00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:26,046
You mean, those big buildings
behind that steak truck
230
00:08:26,338 --> 00:08:27,297
that happens to be
the rival steak truck
231
00:08:27,589 --> 00:08:29,591
to the steak truck that is
owned by my best friend?
232
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,385
Nope. I work
in that steak truck,
233
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:32,803
which happens to
belong to my dad.
234
00:08:33,554 --> 00:08:35,472
Damn it, Chad!
235
00:08:35,764 --> 00:08:36,598
You got me in trouble again.
236
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:39,560
Chad's what I call
my underpants monster.
237
00:08:39,852 --> 00:08:40,269
I believe you two have met.
238
00:08:45,774 --> 00:08:47,109
Dude, this new hockey game
is awesome.
239
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,444
Yeah, it's so realistic,
240
00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:49,987
it won't even let me
create a black player.
241
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:53,115
Welp...
The Brazilian retaliated.
242
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,284
Was it bad?
It was creative.
243
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:58,620
Welp, that's a dink
in the doink.
244
00:08:58,912 --> 00:09:01,165
Dave, I told you
not to play dirty.
245
00:09:01,457 --> 00:09:03,292
You have to follow the four
simple principles of business...
246
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,711
Strategy, planning,
tactics, and execution.
247
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,629
Or straplanatajection.
248
00:09:07,921 --> 00:09:09,423
No, Brad,
we're in the trenches now.
249
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:11,133
We gotta double down.
250
00:09:11,425 --> 00:09:14,011
Max, what do you got? Slash his tires?
Key his truck?
251
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:15,846
I'll do you one better.
252
00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,348
What say you and I grab our
three dearest possessions
253
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:19,808
and hitchhike
across the southwest?
254
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,852
'Cause the truth is,
I slept with Wilson.
255
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,646
Wilson? The volleyball
from Cast Away
256
00:09:24,938 --> 00:09:26,482
that you stole from the
Houston Planet Hollywood?
257
00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:29,401
No. I slept with Wilson,
the Brazilian's son.
258
00:09:29,693 --> 00:09:31,737
What? Max! The Brazilian
is my archenemy.
259
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,656
Bros before bros, man!
260
00:09:34,948 --> 00:09:37,493
How was I supposed to know that he'd
be the enemy in your weird meat feud?
261
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,660
Two star-crossed lovers,
262
00:09:38,952 --> 00:09:40,454
both alike in dignity,
263
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:42,790
in fair Chicago
where we lay our scene.
264
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,333
What?
What?
265
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:46,251
Oh, my love
of rational business plans
266
00:09:46,543 --> 00:09:48,212
is clashing with my love
of clandestine love affairs.
267
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:49,505
It's like Romeo and Juliet.
268
00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:51,882
Nay, homeo and dude-liet.
269
00:09:52,174 --> 00:09:54,301
Ooh, good one. They hath made
the beast with two butts!
270
00:09:54,593 --> 00:09:56,929
Max, I can't believe
you did that.
271
00:09:57,221 --> 00:09:59,515
Whose team are you on, mine or the
team that put my truck on its tushy?
272
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,267
Oh, my God.
273
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,353
Love or friendship?
274
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,313
This is gettin' too good.
275
00:10:06,605 --> 00:10:08,398
Dave...
I'm on your team.
276
00:10:08,690 --> 00:10:10,275
Good, 'cause I need your help.
277
00:10:10,567 --> 00:10:12,319
Now tomorrow's
the Cubs' opening day.
278
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:14,029
I wanna decorate my truck with
ivy and a mini scoreboard,
279
00:10:14,321 --> 00:10:15,823
just like at Wrigley field.
280
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,908
But it will only work
if I get my primo spot
281
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,493
in front of the stadium.
282
00:10:19,785 --> 00:10:21,203
And I know the Brazilian's
gonna try to take it.
283
00:10:21,495 --> 00:10:23,956
Dave, relaxi your taxi,
284
00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:25,707
'cause I am gonna
get you that spot
285
00:10:25,999 --> 00:10:28,127
if it's the last thing
that I do...
286
00:10:28,418 --> 00:10:30,420
Before getting myself a
pizza and eating it in bed
287
00:10:30,712 --> 00:10:32,422
as a celebratory feast
for getting you that spot.
288
00:10:33,924 --> 00:10:35,134
Team friendship!
289
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:38,512
Team friendship!
290
00:10:43,183 --> 00:10:45,269
Oh! Suh kyut!
Oh! Suh kyut!
291
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:46,645
Okay, you have to
get this dress.
292
00:10:46,937 --> 00:10:48,188
It's the one!
293
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,149
I know but it is so expensive.
294
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:51,692
I mean, this will blow
my entire budget.
295
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,402
Hi!
296
00:10:53,694 --> 00:10:54,570
Um, could you bring me a dress
297
00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,572
that's a little more affordable?
298
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,991
Like, maybe one from last
season or one somebody died in?
299
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,701
Why? This is your dress.
300
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:02,870
Oh, I know
it's totally my dress.
301
00:11:03,162 --> 00:11:03,704
It looks like I was
poured into it, but...
302
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,038
Oh!
303
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:06,623
No, you own this dress.
304
00:11:06,915 --> 00:11:08,167
You are owning it!
305
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:09,960
She is owning it! Rockin' it 360!
306
00:11:10,252 --> 00:11:12,254
Listen, that man
bought you this dress.
307
00:11:13,505 --> 00:11:15,632
Ta-da!
308
00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:17,176
Roy? What...
What are you...
309
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:19,052
Well, you and your friends
were talking about coming here
310
00:11:19,344 --> 00:11:21,722
to try on dresses,
so I called ahead,
311
00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:24,308
and they said you'd been
looking at this one for weeks.
312
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,435
You bought me this dress?
Uh-huh.
313
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,687
I... I can't... I wanted to
do something nice for you.
314
00:11:28,979 --> 00:11:30,355
You know, since I wasn't there
315
00:11:30,647 --> 00:11:32,357
to teach you
how to ride a bike or...
316
00:11:32,649 --> 00:11:33,817
Have the s-e-x talk.
317
00:11:34,943 --> 00:11:36,278
Okay, I'm sorry.
318
00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,864
I still don't know
how this dad stuff works.
319
00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,908
I mean, after all, I
abandoned my only daughter.
320
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:42,034
We know.
321
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:44,411
I'm still nervous.
322
00:11:44,703 --> 00:11:46,330
It's okay. Me, too.
323
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,207
And luckily, the garbageman
taught me how to ride a bike.
324
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:50,500
And as for the s-e-x...
325
00:11:50,792 --> 00:11:53,045
I learned how to spell
at a very young age.
326
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:54,671
Anywho, I'm just... I'm
glad that you're here now.
327
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,590
Me, too.
328
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,009
God, I really love it.
329
00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:02,095
Wow.
330
00:12:03,347 --> 00:12:04,056
It looks perfect.
331
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:07,434
Roy, I know this sounds fast,
332
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,437
but would you walk me
down the aisle?
333
00:12:12,356 --> 00:12:13,315
Of course I would.
334
00:12:13,607 --> 00:12:15,067
Oh!
335
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:17,402
Oh, my God, I never dreamed
you would ask me that.
336
00:12:17,694 --> 00:12:20,322
Really? Even though
you are wearing a tuxedo.
337
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,074
Well, maybe
I'm going to the theater.
338
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:23,492
Were you?
339
00:12:23,784 --> 00:12:24,910
No, I'm not.
340
00:12:25,202 --> 00:12:26,745
Oh, gosh!
341
00:12:27,037 --> 00:12:28,330
Aw!
342
00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:30,123
You aw'd!
343
00:12:30,415 --> 00:12:32,000
I'm winning you over!
344
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:34,670
No, no. See, what that was,
was "Why I oughta..."
345
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,838
Oh.
346
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,215
Okay, fine, I'm warming
up to you, Roy.
347
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:48,100
Okay, a little sugar in the gas tank.
No problem.
348
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:48,976
Max?
Huh?
349
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:51,853
Max, what are you doing here?
350
00:12:52,145 --> 00:12:53,355
Uh... Uh, just...
351
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,315
Taking my nightly
sugar walk with my...
352
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:57,985
Funnel hat.
353
00:12:59,027 --> 00:13:01,405
I can't lie to you.
354
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:04,741
I just... I came here to sabotage
the truck, but I can't do it.
355
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:07,786
I don't care what anybody says.
I wanna be together.
356
00:13:08,078 --> 00:13:09,621
Screw it. I'm gonna
talk to my father
357
00:13:09,913 --> 00:13:11,748
and see if we can't end this
beefy feud once and for all.
358
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:12,916
Awesome.
359
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,252
So...
360
00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:18,922
Whilst we wait for that
convo to get on the books,
361
00:13:19,214 --> 00:13:20,215
maybe Chad and I could
come up and hang out?
362
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,721
Oof! These Roy's bad
ass bellinis... Ah.
363
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,181
Are... The... Taters.
364
00:13:28,473 --> 00:13:30,017
I know! I think
I'm a little
365
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:32,019
MC schlammered.
366
00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:35,480
God, I love that dress!
367
00:13:35,772 --> 00:13:37,399
Mmm!
368
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:39,484
You guys, you don't think
it was too much, too soon
369
00:13:39,776 --> 00:13:41,153
for Roy to buy it for me,
do you?
370
00:13:41,445 --> 00:13:43,572
No. I mean, I know you were
trying to stay on a budget,
371
00:13:43,864 --> 00:13:44,948
but those other dresses
were garbage.
372
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,867
I mean, one of them was made...
Mmm!
373
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,828
From 100% recycled corduroy.
That was very loud.
374
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,371
You're right.
You're right!
375
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:54,166
- Oh.
- That's Roy...
376
00:13:55,876 --> 00:13:56,752
- Oh!
- There he is!
377
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:58,045
Hi!
Hey, Roys R Us!
378
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,213
Ah! Hello, ladies.
379
00:14:00,505 --> 00:14:01,465
Hey, I've got some great news.
380
00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:04,259
I know the GM
of the Drake Hotel.
381
00:14:04,551 --> 00:14:06,345
He and I did summer stock
in Ogunquit, Maine.
382
00:14:06,636 --> 00:14:09,139
I called him and I reserved
you their main ballroom
383
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:10,766
for your wedding reception.
384
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:14,186
Aw! Roy, that's so sweet, but
it's outside of our budget.
385
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,438
Well, no, money's no object.
I got it.
386
00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,816
Penny, the Drake is the best
place to get married in Chicago.
387
00:14:20,108 --> 00:14:22,027
I mean, Oprah and Stedman have
had it reserved for 17 years.
388
00:14:22,319 --> 00:14:23,695
Okay, slow down.
389
00:14:23,987 --> 00:14:25,906
Pete and I are very happy with
the wedding we have planned.
390
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,824
Speaking of Pete,
391
00:14:28,116 --> 00:14:31,078
I called him and I invited
him on a fishing trip.
392
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:32,371
Oh. Seems like a
future father-in-law
393
00:14:32,662 --> 00:14:34,164
kind of thing to do, you know?
394
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:36,124
Do you think it's too soon
to ask him to call me Dad?
395
00:14:37,417 --> 00:14:39,294
Yeah, Roy. I do.
396
00:14:39,586 --> 00:14:40,921
I don't even call you Dad...
397
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,090
Because you're not, really.
398
00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:45,342
Look, this is all just too much.
399
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,386
I don't need you to swoop in
here now and buy me a wedding.
400
00:14:47,677 --> 00:14:50,138
I can do that for myself.
I needed you before,
401
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:53,225
like when I had to take mom
to the father-daughter dance,
402
00:14:53,517 --> 00:14:56,478
or when that pregnant girl
punched me in the face at prom.
403
00:14:56,770 --> 00:14:58,522
And I know it only seems like
I needed you during dances,
404
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,690
but there were plenty
of other times, too.
405
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,151
I don't know...
Roy.
406
00:15:05,862 --> 00:15:07,030
Maybe this whole thing
was a mistake.
407
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:10,617
Well...
408
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,994
I'm sorry
that you feel that way.
409
00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:15,664
Maybe I should just
go back to New York.
410
00:15:16,873 --> 00:15:17,833
Yeah, maybe you should.
411
00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:30,053
Guys, this could be
the bellinis talking,
412
00:15:30,345 --> 00:15:31,930
but let's go to a strip club.
413
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:33,348
- We could check out the local...
- Talent...
414
00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,398
Hey, guys.
Truck looks good.
415
00:15:41,690 --> 00:15:42,858
Yeah, you know what else
looks good?
416
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:44,693
The truck that looks great.
417
00:15:54,953 --> 00:15:57,122
The Brazilian stole Dave's idea.
418
00:15:57,414 --> 00:15:59,166
I don't know. I mean, people
develop the same idea all the time
419
00:15:59,458 --> 00:16:00,500
without two guys having sex
with each other.
420
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,377
What?
421
00:16:02,669 --> 00:16:04,963
Look, I saw Wilson last night,
and I gave up the goods.
422
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,339
And I told him about your idea.
423
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:08,675
Max!
You're unbelievable!
424
00:16:08,967 --> 00:16:10,969
Young Max hath
wronged his kinsman David,
425
00:16:11,261 --> 00:16:12,971
yet I celebrate
his forbidden love.
426
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:14,598
Enough with this craziness.
427
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,141
You know the one thing
we haven't tried yet?
428
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,267
Bees. Smart.
429
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,935
No, Max, talking.
430
00:16:19,227 --> 00:16:20,479
All right?
I'm an adult.
431
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,230
I'm gonna make the guy
a sandwich and go talk to him.
432
00:16:22,522 --> 00:16:24,149
Dave, I'm sorry!
433
00:16:24,441 --> 00:16:26,818
I... I thought
I could trust him!
434
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:29,404
God, I really wanna help out...
I know.
435
00:16:29,696 --> 00:16:31,114
But I also really wanna samba.
436
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:32,574
I know.
437
00:16:35,243 --> 00:16:36,244
I get it.
438
00:16:39,998 --> 00:16:41,291
Hello, the Brazilian.
439
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:45,462
Hello, the American.
440
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:46,796
I made you this sandwich
as a peace offering.
441
00:16:48,089 --> 00:16:49,424
We gotta end this madness.
442
00:16:49,716 --> 00:16:51,343
We must figure out a way
to share Wrigleyville.
443
00:16:51,635 --> 00:16:53,094
You're right.
444
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:54,846
Come back after closing.
445
00:16:55,138 --> 00:16:58,099
We'll talk it out
over a cafe con leche.
446
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:00,810
Okay.
447
00:17:01,102 --> 00:17:01,603
Cafe con leche.
448
00:17:01,895 --> 00:17:02,812
Sim.
Okay.
449
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:05,815
Nailed it, David.
450
00:17:10,445 --> 00:17:11,363
Really?
451
00:17:12,572 --> 00:17:13,406
Ooh!
452
00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:25,627
Ah!
453
00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:28,088
Ah!
454
00:17:29,422 --> 00:17:30,423
Yes!
455
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:31,341
Oh!
456
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,179
Ah!
457
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:42,686
Get a shirt!
458
00:17:42,978 --> 00:17:43,770
Ah!
459
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:49,985
Oh!
460
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,804
No!
461
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:24,144
Roy?
462
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:25,395
Are you okay?
463
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,230
Oh!
Oh, of course I am.
464
00:18:27,522 --> 00:18:29,316
Yeah. No, it...
It was just a tomato.
465
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:31,026
It... No pain at all.
466
00:18:34,529 --> 00:18:35,822
It's you!
467
00:18:36,114 --> 00:18:38,033
You betrayed me!
You stole Dave's idea!
468
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,201
I'm sorry! My father invoked
"dads before lads!"
469
00:18:40,493 --> 00:18:41,995
I couldn't argue with that.
470
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:43,371
For what it's worth,
I really liked you.
471
00:18:43,663 --> 00:18:44,748
I really liked you, too.
472
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:45,915
Yeah?
473
00:19:01,431 --> 00:19:03,016
It is clear my son
loves your son.
474
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:04,184
Yeah.
475
00:19:04,476 --> 00:19:05,852
Wait. What?
476
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,854
We must find a way
to work in peace, Dan.
477
00:19:08,521 --> 00:19:10,273
It's Dave.
478
00:19:10,565 --> 00:19:11,816
I work pretty hard
not to look like a Dan.
479
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:13,943
Respect.
480
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:17,238
Behold...
481
00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:19,658
'Twas love betwixt two men
that quelled the dogs of war.
482
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:21,326
All right, Brad.
483
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:22,243
We all went to high school.
484
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:26,873
Oh, wait. Hold on.
485
00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:29,084
What is... You got a
little cauliflower ear.
486
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,214
So you were actually kind of
there for me when I needed you.
487
00:19:35,048 --> 00:19:36,257
That was nice.
488
00:19:36,549 --> 00:19:39,135
Yeah. Um,
listen, Penny,
489
00:19:39,427 --> 00:19:40,637
there aren't enough "I'm
sorrys" in the world
490
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:42,055
to make up
for what I did to you.
491
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:44,099
I was...
492
00:19:44,391 --> 00:19:48,103
Young and selfish and...
And so... Stupid.
493
00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,313
And then I thought I found
a way I could fix things,
494
00:19:50,605 --> 00:19:53,441
and I guess I just went
too fast, is all.
495
00:19:53,733 --> 00:19:55,568
Oh, trust me, I get
too fast too soon.
496
00:19:55,860 --> 00:19:57,237
The first day of college,
I gained 15 pounds.
497
00:20:00,031 --> 00:20:01,991
Well, anyway, I was on
my way to the airport,
498
00:20:02,283 --> 00:20:04,160
and I wanted to
give you something.
499
00:20:04,452 --> 00:20:05,829
So I called Jane, and she
told me where you were,
500
00:20:06,121 --> 00:20:07,664
and I... I wanted to
give you this.
501
00:20:10,417 --> 00:20:11,710
It's the bracelet they put
on you at the hospital
502
00:20:12,001 --> 00:20:13,795
the day you were born.
503
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,088
I thought you might want
it for the wedding.
504
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:17,674
You know, it could be
your something old.
505
00:20:17,966 --> 00:20:19,259
Well... It's the
same age as me, so calm down.
506
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:20,719
But...
507
00:20:21,010 --> 00:20:22,220
This is really sweet.
508
00:20:23,471 --> 00:20:24,389
Thank you.
509
00:20:24,681 --> 00:20:26,391
Well, I'm off.
510
00:20:26,683 --> 00:20:29,227
Uh, you ever wanna talk, you
just give old Roy a call.
511
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,396
I will.
512
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:32,897
Or... We could talk
at the wedding.
513
00:20:34,774 --> 00:20:36,151
I mean, I...
I don't think I'm ready
514
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:37,652
to have you walk me
down the aisle, but...
515
00:20:39,237 --> 00:20:40,655
But I definitely
want you to be there...
516
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:42,782
Dad.
517
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:45,118
Oh, wow.
518
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,494
"Dad."
519
00:20:46,786 --> 00:20:48,580
That's pretty heavy.
520
00:20:48,872 --> 00:20:50,790
Maybe it'd be better if we didn't
talk for another 30 years.
521
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,460
I'm kidding.
522
00:20:53,752 --> 00:20:55,253
I'm kidding 'cause I'm nervous.
523
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:56,755
But I'm so happy.
524
00:20:57,046 --> 00:20:58,089
Me, too.
525
00:21:03,011 --> 00:21:05,597
Hey, you know,
I never really asked you,
526
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,390
and mom never really
mentioned it,
527
00:21:07,682 --> 00:21:08,850
but why didn't you guys
work out?
528
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:12,103
Oh. I'm super gay.
529
00:21:12,395 --> 00:21:15,231
And that explains
almost everything about me.
530
00:21:15,523 --> 00:21:17,275
You know,
531
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:18,651
you're the first person
I've told.
532
00:21:18,943 --> 00:21:20,236
What?
No, I'm kidding!
533
00:21:20,528 --> 00:21:21,738
You're the last person to know!
534
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:23,656
Everybody knows it!
535
00:21:23,948 --> 00:21:25,158
I mean, come on.
Whoo!
536
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:27,035
I mean, hello! I'm the
guy selling mimosas!
537
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:29,537
I know!
I know! I know!
38761
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