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1
00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:04,378
- Perfect. Okay, I'll see you Sunday.
- Bye!
2
00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:05,963
Damn, girl. You're planning
the straight Hizzell
3
00:00:06,255 --> 00:00:07,131
out of that block party.
4
00:00:07,423 --> 00:00:08,758
"Hizzell?"
5
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:10,218
Are we
just gonna let that slide?
6
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,261
It's gonna be great.
7
00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:14,639
I'm gonna have a deejay in front of
my store, bands, Dave's truck...
8
00:00:14,931 --> 00:00:16,390
And I will be unveiling
the new and improved version
9
00:00:16,682 --> 00:00:17,850
of my classic steak sandwich.
10
00:00:18,142 --> 00:00:19,435
I call it "steak-point-0."
11
00:00:21,562 --> 00:00:22,522
So we are just
letting everything slide?
12
00:00:22,813 --> 00:00:24,398
Oy. Um...
13
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:26,609
Okay, does everyone have something to
contribute for the silent auction?
14
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:29,028
I will be donating
a free PR consultation.
15
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,322
Oh. So Penny's
offering nothing.
16
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:33,449
I'll be donating three
centerpieces handmade by me,
17
00:00:33,741 --> 00:00:34,742
perfect for any occasion.
18
00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:37,078
A dinner party,
holiday gathering,
19
00:00:37,370 --> 00:00:39,956
centerpiece hall of fame
induction ceremony.
20
00:00:40,248 --> 00:00:41,624
Thanks, Jane. You make
the best centerpieces.
21
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,000
I know.
22
00:00:43,292 --> 00:00:44,377
Oh.
Hey, buddy.
23
00:00:44,669 --> 00:00:45,461
How was the funeral?
24
00:00:45,753 --> 00:00:47,046
Sad.
Mmm-hmm.
25
00:00:47,338 --> 00:00:48,839
Mark was a great hairdresser
26
00:00:49,131 --> 00:00:50,800
and a great guy.
27
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:52,802
42 years young,
and then... Pfft. Dead.
28
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:56,430
But the real tragedy is...
29
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:58,516
I need a haircut, and I
ain't got no place to go.
30
00:00:58,808 --> 00:01:00,643
Yeah, that's definitely
the real tragedy here.
31
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,186
What about my barbershop?
32
00:01:02,478 --> 00:01:03,813
Nah. I can't keep arguing
with those guys
33
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,648
about Tyler Perry movies
anymore.
34
00:01:05,940 --> 00:01:06,857
Black folks like
Tyler Perry, Max.
35
00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:08,859
No, I love Tyler Perry movies.
36
00:01:09,151 --> 00:01:11,153
It's Ray-Ray and Tooches
that think it's implausible
37
00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:13,114
for Madea to keep
going back to prison.
38
00:01:13,406 --> 00:01:15,324
But like I told them,
mama got tax problems.
39
00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:16,784
- You should go see Krisjahn.
- Yeah.
40
00:01:17,076 --> 00:01:18,119
Alex and I have been
going to him for years.
41
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,412
Chris John?
42
00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:20,746
No. Krisjahn.
Christian.
43
00:01:21,038 --> 00:01:21,581
Mmm-mmm.
No. Krisjahn.
44
00:01:21,872 --> 00:01:24,917
K-R-I-S-J-A-H-N.
45
00:01:25,209 --> 00:01:26,586
Krisjahn. Very common
gay-fake-French name.
46
00:01:26,877 --> 00:01:27,837
No, no, Max.
47
00:01:28,129 --> 00:01:30,381
You're a man, like me.
48
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:33,259
You need to go to a man who
cuts man hair man-style.
49
00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,386
Trust me. I got a guy.
50
00:01:37,221 --> 00:01:39,348
Hey, guys.
Sacrebleu!
51
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,934
Dude, you look like Suze Orman
if she stopped shaving.
52
00:01:42,226 --> 00:01:43,519
You look like a keytar player
in a Christian rock band.
53
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,229
You look like Alf.
54
00:01:45,521 --> 00:01:47,440
You look like an assistant manager
at a Jacksonville multiplex.
55
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:48,399
I think I need
Chris John's number.
56
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:51,569
Krisjahn.
57
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,614
Wait. Am I seriously
the only one feeling this?
58
00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:55,656
Ugh.
Yes.
59
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:57,658
Ugh!
60
00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,327
What?
61
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:00,369
- Ugh!
- What?
62
00:02:11,255 --> 00:02:13,215
Okay, taste testers,
63
00:02:13,507 --> 00:02:15,134
steak me home tonight
and Dave Rose,
64
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,094
in conjunction with beef and
cheese, proudly present...
65
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:19,639
The steak-point-0.
66
00:02:19,930 --> 00:02:21,015
Mmm.
Yay.
67
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:23,726
Mmm-mmm. No.
No. No.
68
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:24,935
Ugh. Nope steak-point-no.
Mmm-mmm.
69
00:02:25,227 --> 00:02:27,146
Sorry, but that tastes like...
70
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,814
Outside.
71
00:02:29,106 --> 00:02:31,901
If you made tea out of a taxi
driver's underpants and then...
72
00:02:32,193 --> 00:02:33,819
No. Fart paper.
Yes.
73
00:02:34,111 --> 00:02:35,613
That is definitely fart paper.
74
00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,531
Am I tasting a hard yogurt?
Is that a thing?
75
00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,116
That is nowhere near as
good as hard yogurt.
76
00:02:39,408 --> 00:02:41,035
Dave, what happened to your old sandwich?
It was great.
77
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:42,745
Boring!
78
00:02:43,037 --> 00:02:44,455
I gotta mix it up
a little bit, all right?
79
00:02:44,747 --> 00:02:45,706
I'm not getting
any new customers,
80
00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,416
I got zero tweets,
81
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:49,126
and the only review on Yelp
I got was from my mom,
82
00:02:49,418 --> 00:02:50,711
when she thought
she was e-mailing me.
83
00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:52,296
"Davey, what's the name
of that movie
84
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,048
"about the horse
that goes to the war?"
85
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:57,134
Uh, "War biscuit."
duh.
86
00:02:57,426 --> 00:02:59,136
Say, Dave, since I
just did you a favor
87
00:02:59,428 --> 00:03:00,429
by eating your gross sandwich,
88
00:03:00,721 --> 00:03:01,764
I'd like a favor in return.
89
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:03,599
See, I just bought
this new armoire...
90
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:05,768
Well, it's been years since I
appraised anything, but I guess I...
91
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:08,187
No, I was hoping to borrow your
truck to move it to my place.
92
00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:09,939
Yeah. Sure.
You need any help?
93
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,316
No, thanks. I've got
Alex and Jane. Oh.
94
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:13,901
We used to move mattresses for
our dad's store in the summer.
95
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,778
Ah, we made bank.
96
00:03:16,070 --> 00:03:17,279
Remember that guy
who tipped us extra
97
00:03:17,571 --> 00:03:19,115
because we agreed to dress
up as his dead daughters?
98
00:03:19,407 --> 00:03:20,408
Jeffrey!
We're facebook friends.
99
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:21,283
Ah! Send me the link
to that page.
100
00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:22,743
Oh, he'll love that.
Hmm.
101
00:03:23,035 --> 00:03:24,995
Okay. Well,
the truck's all yours.
102
00:03:25,287 --> 00:03:26,914
But beware. She has some quirks.
103
00:03:27,206 --> 00:03:28,916
Now this unlocks the door.
104
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:30,501
Okay.
105
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:33,713
And this starts the engine.
106
00:03:34,004 --> 00:03:35,131
Oh, and when you honk the horn,
107
00:03:35,423 --> 00:03:37,049
she plays "Someone's
in the kitchen with Dinah."
108
00:03:37,341 --> 00:03:39,176
Why?
Because...
109
00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:42,012
♪ Someone's in the kitchen
with David
110
00:03:42,304 --> 00:03:44,473
♪ Chompin' on a steak sando,
oh, oh ♪
111
00:03:44,765 --> 00:03:46,726
Dave, you are one of my
oldest friends... Mmm-hmm.
112
00:03:47,017 --> 00:03:49,186
But if we met now,
we'd be enemies.
113
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:50,771
Thanks for the truck! Bye!
114
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,151
Oh, thank you so much
for helping me, Krisjahn.
115
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:58,529
Anything for a friend
of Alex and Jane's.
116
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:01,282
Sit back, relax, and we'll
have you looking more "Max"
117
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,034
and less "retired air force
lesbian" in no time.
118
00:04:04,326 --> 00:04:06,412
Ah, gay wit...
119
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,622
The white noise
of the hair salon.
120
00:04:08,914 --> 00:04:12,710
So... How is Alex's
block party coming along?
121
00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:14,211
Is that what's happening
this week?
122
00:04:14,503 --> 00:04:15,838
I... I have not
been paying attention.
123
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,299
Jane doesn't think Alex can pull
it off 'cause she's such a flake.
124
00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,092
Hmm?
125
00:04:20,384 --> 00:04:23,137
And Alex thinks Jane's
centerpieces are, quote,
126
00:04:23,429 --> 00:04:25,514
"Pieces from the center
of a person's butt."
127
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:27,016
What?
128
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:29,018
"And that person
is not well, darling."
129
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:30,728
Do they talk that kind of trash
130
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:32,605
behind each other's backs
to you?
131
00:04:32,897 --> 00:04:35,316
They've been bitch-hissing about
each other to me for years,
132
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,067
and not just the small stuff.
133
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:38,944
Oh! Now well,
don't stop there!
134
00:04:39,236 --> 00:04:40,029
Give me all the good
stuff, fellow Gaylord.
135
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,363
You want something big?
136
00:04:41,655 --> 00:04:42,072
Oh, I want something big, girl.
137
00:04:42,364 --> 00:04:43,949
Okay. Um...
138
00:04:44,241 --> 00:04:46,702
Jane thinks Alex is a
disappointment to their parents.
139
00:04:46,994 --> 00:04:49,538
That... is... awesome.
140
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:51,123
Well, get this. Alex... Uh-huh?
141
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:53,375
...says that Jane is
only into black guys...
142
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:55,544
Uh-huh? Because she
lost her virginity
143
00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:57,797
at the drive-in screening
of Big Momma's House.
144
00:04:58,088 --> 00:04:59,965
Oh! Hallelujah!
145
00:05:00,257 --> 00:05:01,759
This is like gay Christmas!
146
00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,469
Oh, hold up.
That's the Oscars.
147
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:04,428
Right. Yes.
Yeah.
148
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:05,221
Of course. I'm sorry.
149
00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:07,973
Dude, check it out.
150
00:05:08,265 --> 00:05:09,767
So I went to Krisjahn
to get my hair fixed...
151
00:05:10,059 --> 00:05:12,019
That's fixed?
Whatever. Anyway...
152
00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:15,105
He told me about all this trash
153
00:05:15,397 --> 00:05:18,150
that Alex and Jane have been talking
about each other there for years.
154
00:05:18,442 --> 00:05:21,821
I mean, really hurtful,
venge-filled, soul-crushing stuff.
155
00:05:22,112 --> 00:05:23,572
It was hilarious.
156
00:05:23,864 --> 00:05:25,574
Yep. I know all about it.
You do?
157
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,535
That's how the Kerkoviches
deal with their stuff.
158
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:29,495
They talk to someone else,
never each other.
159
00:05:29,787 --> 00:05:31,205
That is the dumbest
thing I've ever heard,
160
00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:32,623
and I've heard Alex and Dave
talk about the civil war.
161
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:34,708
Well, that's what they do.
162
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:35,918
I mean, Alex and Jane tried
being honest with each other
163
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,545
like, 20 years ago.
164
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,046
The fight lasted for weeks.
165
00:05:39,338 --> 00:05:41,173
The family never talks about it.
166
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:42,299
They just call it...
167
00:05:42,591 --> 00:05:44,051
"The incident."
168
00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:48,180
That sounds amazing.
Yeah.
169
00:05:49,598 --> 00:05:51,642
Dude... Do not
stir this up.
170
00:05:51,934 --> 00:05:53,477
I don't need any more
drama, all right?
171
00:05:53,769 --> 00:05:55,020
Seriously, I just
watched Nurse Jackie,
172
00:05:55,312 --> 00:05:56,689
and I cannot handle any
more drama right now.
173
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:58,107
Of course not.
174
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:00,484
Thanks. Wait.
175
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:01,652
Are you doing that thing where
you say, "Of course not,"
176
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:02,570
and then you go do it anyway?
177
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:03,654
I would never
do that to you, man.
178
00:06:04,613 --> 00:06:05,447
Thanks.
179
00:06:05,739 --> 00:06:07,449
Wait.
180
00:06:07,741 --> 00:06:09,159
Now are you doing that
thing where you say,
181
00:06:09,451 --> 00:06:10,744
"I'd never do that to you, man"
182
00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,872
after I've questioned the sincerity
of your "of course not"?
183
00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:14,957
Of course not. I would
never do that to you, man.
184
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,126
Thanks, man. Wait!
185
00:06:18,794 --> 00:06:19,712
I like your hair.
186
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:20,671
Thanks.
I'm lying.
187
00:06:23,382 --> 00:06:24,341
Thank you, guys, so much
188
00:06:24,633 --> 00:06:26,010
for helping me with the armoire.
189
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:28,804
I guess you could say you're
my knights in shining armoire.
190
00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,182
Or you could not say it.
Up to you.
191
00:06:32,474 --> 00:06:33,684
I'm not your mouth boss. Mmm.
192
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,352
But seriously, thank you.
193
00:06:35,644 --> 00:06:37,062
Well, thank, uh,
muscle-boobs over here.
194
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:38,772
She did most of the work.
195
00:06:39,064 --> 00:06:42,443
I got it. It's all good.
I got this.
196
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:43,527
It's all n the legs...
From yay to hay. Mmm.
197
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:46,697
Wait. Didn't we park
Dave's truck right here?
198
00:06:47,531 --> 00:06:49,366
Yeah.
199
00:06:49,658 --> 00:06:51,952
Wait. Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
200
00:06:52,244 --> 00:06:53,662
Do you know what this means?
Ghost truck?
201
00:06:53,954 --> 00:06:56,123
No, it means that
Dave's truck was stolen.
202
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,918
Right! Of course.
Of course.
203
00:06:59,209 --> 00:06:59,919
Ghosts don't drive.
204
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:01,712
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
205
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:08,385
Dave?
206
00:07:09,845 --> 00:07:12,097
I've got some bad news.
207
00:07:12,389 --> 00:07:13,432
Oh, my God. Something
happened to Dave Matthews, didn't it?
208
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,017
It did, didn't it?
209
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,727
I had that weird
dream, and now he's gone...
210
00:07:17,019 --> 00:07:18,520
Stop it! No, Dave Matthews is fine.
I mean, he's puffy
211
00:07:18,812 --> 00:07:19,897
and he sounds like he's got
a squirrel in his mouth,
212
00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,732
but he's fine.
Thank god.
213
00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:23,192
Someone stole your truck.
214
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:24,693
What? I don't know
what happened.
215
00:07:24,985 --> 00:07:26,862
I locked the doors, I took the
screwdriver out of the ignition,
216
00:07:27,154 --> 00:07:29,531
I put it on the dash... You left
the screwdriver on the dash?
217
00:07:29,823 --> 00:07:31,158
That's practically an
invitation to steal it!
218
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,993
I am so, so sorry.
219
00:07:33,285 --> 00:07:34,495
Oh!
What am I gonna do?
220
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:35,913
That truck was my livelihood!
221
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:37,539
How am I gonna pay the bills?
222
00:07:37,831 --> 00:07:40,000
I can't go back to being
a wild turkey shot boy.
223
00:07:40,292 --> 00:07:42,336
I've put on weight. I don't have
the legs to be a little gobbler.
224
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,004
Well, we should call the cops.
225
00:07:44,296 --> 00:07:46,715
No. No, don't be naive. The
cops don't find stolen cars.
226
00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:47,925
Plus they only help
white people.
227
00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,093
I'm sorry?
228
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,762
I'm 1/16th Navajo.
229
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:53,514
Well, we should at least go out
and try to find your truck.
230
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:54,765
I mean, we found your clogs
231
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,392
that time you left them
at the duck pond.
232
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:59,395
All right.
Fine, let's go find it.
233
00:07:59,687 --> 00:08:02,314
But in the off-off chance that
we do find it...
234
00:08:02,606 --> 00:08:03,357
I'm gonna bring my spare key.
235
00:08:07,861 --> 00:08:09,446
I screwed the pooch.
236
00:08:09,738 --> 00:08:12,032
I wined it, I dined it,
237
00:08:12,324 --> 00:08:13,492
I told it it was cute and
that I valued its opinions,
238
00:08:13,784 --> 00:08:14,702
even though I don't,
and then I screwed it.
239
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,788
Um... What are you
talking about?
240
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,207
Okay, I was at Krisjahn's with
Jane, and then Alex came in.
241
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:22,167
And then they started complimenting
each other...
242
00:08:22,459 --> 00:08:23,711
About the block party
and the centerpieces and...
243
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,129
No. Tell me you didn't.
244
00:08:25,421 --> 00:08:26,714
I did.
245
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,632
I told them all the things
that Krisjahn told me.
246
00:08:28,924 --> 00:08:30,134
All the smack.
247
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:32,094
Damn you, you Kevin
Smith smell-alike!
248
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:33,345
But it was super funny!
249
00:08:33,637 --> 00:08:34,930
Then it got super scary,
250
00:08:35,222 --> 00:08:36,557
like when my grandpa
got on that trampoline.
251
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:38,183
And much like Pop Irving,
252
00:08:38,475 --> 00:08:40,060
they're not gonna stop
till they're dead.
253
00:08:40,352 --> 00:08:41,020
I can't believe you did this.
254
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:42,938
I'm gonna be sick.
255
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,606
I didn't...
256
00:08:44,898 --> 00:08:46,066
- I didn't... Oh, wait.
- Oh, God.
257
00:08:46,358 --> 00:08:47,860
It's your fault!
Ugh!
258
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,403
I mean, you practically
begged me to do it
259
00:08:49,695 --> 00:08:51,196
by begging me not to do it.
260
00:08:51,488 --> 00:08:53,490
In fact, sir, I would like an apology.
I am hurt.
261
00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:55,701
I am deeply hurt that you
do not know me well enough
262
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,286
to know that I would
screw this up for you.
263
00:08:57,578 --> 00:08:59,163
You have no idea what
you've just started, Max.
264
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:00,998
People are going to get hurt,
265
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:03,292
family members
forced to take sides,
266
00:09:03,584 --> 00:09:05,794
innocent Brads yelled at
and denied sex for weeks!
267
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,714
Winter is coming.
268
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,134
Well...
Good luck with that.
269
00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:14,470
No!
Okay.
270
00:09:14,762 --> 00:09:16,305
You are gonna help me fix this.
271
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:18,515
Me?
272
00:09:18,807 --> 00:09:20,934
Okay! I'll clean up
your mess.
273
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:22,561
I'd still like that apology.
274
00:09:22,853 --> 00:09:23,979
Ah!
275
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:24,855
Fair enough.
276
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,026
Penny, this isn't gonna work.
The truck is gone.
277
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:31,070
Plus the flyer's
kinda misleading.
278
00:09:31,361 --> 00:09:32,613
Looks like I'm the one
that's lost, not the truck.
279
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:33,906
No, it doesn't.
280
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,076
Hey. I found
your lost guy.
281
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:39,912
No, the guy is not lost.
The truck is lost.
282
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:42,289
You know, your flyer's
kind of misleading.
283
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:43,123
Told you.
284
00:09:43,415 --> 00:09:44,833
So about the reward...
285
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:45,793
The reward is for the truck.
286
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,630
Whoa. Wait a minute.
You know what that is.
287
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:50,964
Oh! Oh! Okay! Whoa! You know what that is?
You know what that is?
288
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:52,883
Is that what I think it is?
Whoa!
289
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:54,968
My truck!
290
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,386
Some guy is selling
sandwiches out of your truck!
291
00:09:56,678 --> 00:09:58,138
Son of a bitch!
292
00:09:58,430 --> 00:09:59,932
Look at how busy he is!
293
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:01,767
Hey. I found
your lost truck.
294
00:10:04,186 --> 00:10:06,688
Okay, you guys are
in a stupid lady fight.
295
00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:08,607
We get it.
You're ladies.
296
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:10,526
Your brains are tiny
and filled with eggs.
297
00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:12,152
Let's just move on.
298
00:10:12,444 --> 00:10:14,363
What my pear-shaped
colleague is trying to say...
299
00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:16,073
Whoa. "Pear-shaped?" I just
bought a medicine ball.
300
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,866
You two are sisters, okay?
301
00:10:18,158 --> 00:10:19,993
You've shared
so many good times,
302
00:10:20,285 --> 00:10:21,453
like that summer at the
lake in high school.
303
00:10:21,745 --> 00:10:22,955
Remember that?
304
00:10:23,247 --> 00:10:24,790
Oh, yeah.
305
00:10:25,082 --> 00:10:26,458
Yeah!
306
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:29,878
Good times!
Yeah, yeah, yeah...
307
00:10:30,170 --> 00:10:31,547
Till I was grounded because Alex
ratted me out for smoking cloves.
308
00:10:31,839 --> 00:10:33,340
I am not a rat!
309
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,425
Mom knew you were smoking 'cause
you smelt like an ashtray
310
00:10:35,717 --> 00:10:36,885
and your voice was deeper
than Dad's.
311
00:10:37,177 --> 00:10:38,303
You shut up!
There it is.
312
00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:40,013
Guys, come on.
You're adults, okay?
313
00:10:41,223 --> 00:10:41,682
Can't you just talk this out?
314
00:10:45,602 --> 00:10:48,897
Yes. Yes. yeah,
talk it right out.
315
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:50,149
Okay, I'm prepared, too. MAX:
Where did you get that from?
316
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,109
Oh! I'm prepared, girl!
317
00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,986
Bring it! We can talk...
Oh, I will bring it!
318
00:10:54,278 --> 00:10:55,237
I will! I'm gonna bring it!
319
00:10:55,529 --> 00:10:57,239
Come on, lady!
Bring it!
320
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,824
- And I'm gonna end you!
- Whoa!
321
00:10:59,116 --> 00:10:59,950
She's making nunchakus!
Abort!
322
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:03,912
Whoa! Whoa! separate 'em!
Ow!
323
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,416
You were adopted!
324
00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:08,542
You were born a man!
325
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:12,004
Can you believe this?
326
00:11:12,296 --> 00:11:13,589
I know!
327
00:11:13,881 --> 00:11:15,757
This is the best steak
sandwich I've ever had!
328
00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:17,509
Wait. You went over there,
329
00:11:17,801 --> 00:11:18,760
face-to-face with the guy
who stole your truck,
330
00:11:19,052 --> 00:11:20,053
and you bought a sandwich
from him?
331
00:11:20,345 --> 00:11:21,889
No. No.
332
00:11:22,181 --> 00:11:24,016
No, I bought two.
What?
333
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,767
Pen, I have been struggling
to create a sando
334
00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:27,186
that'll get people excited.
335
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:29,062
Well, this guy did it!
336
00:11:29,354 --> 00:11:30,689
And the truck is killing
on Twitter and Yelp.
337
00:11:30,981 --> 00:11:32,774
Look. "amazing sandwiches."
338
00:11:33,066 --> 00:11:34,234
"My new favorite truck."
339
00:11:34,526 --> 00:11:35,485
"Davey, don't go to salad bars.
340
00:11:35,777 --> 00:11:36,862
"I saw something
on the news."
341
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,030
All right, that's another
one from my mom,
342
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:39,448
but you get the point.
343
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:40,782
Well, she's right
about the salad bars.
344
00:11:41,074 --> 00:11:43,160
Hobos eat out of those things
with their own silverware.
345
00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,621
But, Dave, this jerk
stole your truck,
346
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,040
and now by some miracle
we have found it.
347
00:11:48,332 --> 00:11:50,709
It is obvious
what we have to do...
348
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:52,461
Take back the truck. Eat these sandwiches
till we figure out the recipe.
349
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:56,465
No, you're right.
Yeah. Take back the truck.
350
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:00,719
What are we gonna do, man?
351
00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:01,678
If Jane and Alex
keep fighting like this,
352
00:12:01,970 --> 00:12:02,763
someone's gonna get killed.
353
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,223
They'll end up in prison.
354
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:06,350
Illinois doesn't allow
conjugal visits!
355
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:09,186
The best I'll do is Jane spitting on
my neck through a chain-link fence.
356
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,437
You could do worse.
357
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:11,813
All right!
Fine, fine, fine, fine!
358
00:12:12,105 --> 00:12:13,523
How did their first fight end?
359
00:12:13,815 --> 00:12:15,567
I don't know.
360
00:12:15,859 --> 00:12:17,152
I called Jane's parents,
361
00:12:17,444 --> 00:12:19,279
but they're on
a Fox news cruise.
362
00:12:19,571 --> 00:12:22,449
Right now they're dolphin
hunting with Geraldo Rivera.
363
00:12:22,741 --> 00:12:25,369
Wait. Jane's in charge of all the
Kerkovich family photos and stuff.
364
00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:26,578
She keeps them
in a storage unit.
365
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:29,081
Great! To the Max mobile!
366
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:30,707
By which, of course, I mean your
Prius, which I sometimes sleep in.
367
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,670
That's so sad.
368
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,880
Ah! Hee!
369
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:40,801
Ah, stupid flashlight!
370
00:12:41,093 --> 00:12:43,220
Why you so stupid all the time?
371
00:12:43,512 --> 00:12:44,680
You know I almost
lived in one of these?
372
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:47,182
Then I found an abandoned
tugboat, and it was way cheaper.
373
00:12:47,474 --> 00:12:50,269
Great story, Max. Great.
374
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:52,229
Ahh! Ahh!
375
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,523
He got me! Help me!
Help me, Oprah!
376
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,066
Help me! Ahhh!
377
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:58,735
Dude, it's you.
378
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,198
It is me.
379
00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:07,077
And he's anatomically correct.
380
00:13:07,369 --> 00:13:08,662
Why would Jane have
one of these?
381
00:13:08,954 --> 00:13:10,497
I don't know, and I don't
want to talk about it.
382
00:13:10,789 --> 00:13:12,916
Really? 'Cause it is all
I wanna talk about.
383
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:13,709
Can we just do what we
came here to do, man?
384
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:14,751
Yes. Sorry.
385
00:13:16,503 --> 00:13:17,671
Stop looking at him.
386
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,756
Okay, the incident
happened in 1993.
387
00:13:20,882 --> 00:13:22,801
This place is so organized.
388
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:24,136
It's totally taking the fun out
389
00:13:24,428 --> 00:13:25,804
of searching through
a creepy storage space.
390
00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,055
Less yappin' and
more findin', brah.
391
00:13:27,347 --> 00:13:28,849
Mmm-hmm.
392
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,643
♪ We will find
what we're looking for
393
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:34,062
♪ Before we get to the door
394
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:35,439
♪ We will find... ♪
Uh!
395
00:13:37,190 --> 00:13:38,900
Cool.
396
00:13:39,192 --> 00:13:39,943
It's one of Alex's fourth
grade book reports.
397
00:13:42,404 --> 00:13:44,281
Yeah, she dumb.
398
00:13:44,573 --> 00:13:45,449
Oh!
399
00:13:45,741 --> 00:13:47,075
Look.
400
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:48,076
Articles from
their neighborhood paper.
401
00:13:48,368 --> 00:13:49,619
What? Yes!
402
00:13:49,911 --> 00:13:51,455
Sweet. Okay.
403
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:54,124
"Sisters fight
in grocery store?" No.
404
00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:55,625
"Sisters cause
traffic hazard."
405
00:13:57,127 --> 00:13:59,338
"Sisters burn down
family garage?"
406
00:13:59,629 --> 00:14:00,797
I gotta tell ya, I don't know
what is more disturbing...
407
00:14:01,089 --> 00:14:02,507
How much chaos
Alex and Jane have caused
408
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:04,718
or how much attention this paper
paid to two little girls.
409
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,511
Oh! "Sisters make peace."
410
00:14:07,929 --> 00:14:08,930
Yes! That's it.
411
00:14:09,222 --> 00:14:10,682
Jackpotty.
412
00:14:10,974 --> 00:14:12,601
Now come on. The block
party starts in 12 hours.
413
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:14,936
They'll both be there.
Yeah.
414
00:14:15,228 --> 00:14:17,814
Hey, why does this thing
have a motor on the back?
415
00:14:18,106 --> 00:14:18,732
I don't
want to talk about it, man!
416
00:14:23,945 --> 00:14:25,614
Thanks. Come again.
417
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,115
More like don't come again,
418
00:14:27,407 --> 00:14:29,743
'cause this guy's a dirty crook!
419
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,579
I mean, please come again once we restore
this truck to its rightful owner.
420
00:14:32,871 --> 00:14:34,998
- Appreciate your biz.
- Okay, bye!
421
00:14:35,290 --> 00:14:35,832
You stole Dave's truck!
422
00:14:36,124 --> 00:14:37,250
Yeah, my truck!
423
00:14:37,542 --> 00:14:38,794
Although, that being said,
424
00:14:39,086 --> 00:14:40,629
your cooking has
this playfulness.
425
00:14:40,921 --> 00:14:41,880
I mean, I... I just
can't stop smiling.
426
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,216
David, focus!
427
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:45,467
I don't know what
you guys are talking about.
428
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:46,927
This is my truck!
429
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,179
That's my sink,
this is my grill,
430
00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:50,472
these are my pictures of you...
431
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,224
Crap!
432
00:14:52,516 --> 00:14:55,018
How did you think you were gonna get
away with stealing Dave's truck
433
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,771
and then serving sandwiches out
of it in the same neighborhood?
434
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:00,315
I didn't think.
I just felt.
435
00:15:00,607 --> 00:15:02,859
Meat is an instrument,
and I wanted to play it,
436
00:15:03,151 --> 00:15:05,904
so I did, 'cause I
live my life like jazz.
437
00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:08,156
Right on, man.
438
00:15:08,448 --> 00:15:09,491
You disgust me.
We're calling the cops.
439
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:11,159
Yeah! Unless...
440
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,161
You give me the recipe.
441
00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:14,704
Yeah! Wait. what?
442
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:16,081
I need those sandos, Penny.
443
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:17,833
Okay. Sure.
444
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,501
I basically just used
445
00:15:19,793 --> 00:15:20,710
the dry rub you already
had in the truck...
446
00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:22,796
Plus...
447
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:24,047
One secret ingredient.
448
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,884
Love.
449
00:15:28,176 --> 00:15:31,513
Of course,
you beautiful bastard! Love!
450
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:33,682
I was so focused on my
success and reviews,
451
00:15:33,974 --> 00:15:35,267
I completely forgot about the craft.
452
00:15:35,559 --> 00:15:36,601
I literally make love
to the meat.
453
00:15:37,811 --> 00:15:39,729
Mmm, 'kay.
454
00:15:40,021 --> 00:15:40,772
We're definitely
calling the cops now, man.
455
00:15:44,067 --> 00:15:45,068
I'll never forget you, Dave!
456
00:15:47,154 --> 00:15:48,572
No! Oh, never! Never!
457
00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:49,948
Mmm, you gotta
admire his passion.
458
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,450
And his little rat butt.
459
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,578
Hey. Where's Jane and Alex?
No. No, no.
460
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:55,954
Okay, you'd better hurry.
461
00:15:56,246 --> 00:15:57,581
They're over there
and they're gettin' louder.
462
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,291
I just heard the phrase
"from your 'v' to your 'a'."
463
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:01,084
Are you kidding me right now?
Not even a little bit.
464
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:02,669
What? You gave me a serious
addiction to candy cigarettes.
465
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:04,796
You broke my Bob Dole
action figure!
466
00:16:05,088 --> 00:16:06,256
Hear me, Kerkoviches!
467
00:16:07,841 --> 00:16:09,634
This ends...
now!
468
00:16:11,344 --> 00:16:12,304
Uh, where did you get those?
469
00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:13,930
From her.
470
00:16:16,516 --> 00:16:17,976
Nana!
471
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,353
She's still alive?
472
00:16:20,645 --> 00:16:22,439
Yeah, Kerkovich women
have good genes.
473
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:23,607
If they don't die in a
war or a turnip famine,
474
00:16:23,899 --> 00:16:24,566
they live forever.
475
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,945
Sestra Ples.
476
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:31,448
Nana.
Nana.
477
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:32,741
Oh, God.
478
00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:33,575
Mmm.
479
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,498
What is going on?
480
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:40,999
Well, apparently, the last
time they fought like this...
481
00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:42,751
The incident.
482
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:45,212
Nana said that they brought shame
onto the entire Kerkovich family.
483
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,172
She said Kerkoviches
fight Croats,
484
00:16:47,464 --> 00:16:49,216
Turks, Albanians, and
non-like-minded Christians,
485
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,134
but never each other.
486
00:16:51,426 --> 00:16:52,344
You know, I was surprised to find
that quote in the newspaper.
487
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,429
Me, too.
488
00:16:54,721 --> 00:16:57,224
Anyway, then nana made Jane
and Alex do Sestra Ples.
489
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,975
What is that?
490
00:17:02,604 --> 00:17:04,397
The sister dance.
491
00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:05,565
They're dancing without me?
492
00:17:05,857 --> 00:17:06,483
- Ugh!
- Seriously?
493
00:17:24,125 --> 00:17:26,127
It's not working.
494
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:27,879
No. Let them dance.
495
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:44,646
Wait.
They're smiling.
496
00:17:46,439 --> 00:17:47,190
They're having fun.
497
00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,653
They're not fighting anymore.
Aw!
498
00:17:57,742 --> 00:17:59,202
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
499
00:17:59,494 --> 00:18:00,245
Hup! Hup! Hup!
Hup! Hup! Hup!
500
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,628
Ah. I'm sorry.
Me, too.
501
00:18:13,842 --> 00:18:15,719
Well, I'll be damned.
It worked!
502
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:18,305
Of course.
503
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,141
The dance reminded them
that they are sisters.
504
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:24,394
Mmm.
They are Serbians.
505
00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,688
They are members
of the master race
506
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,816
that will one day bathe
in the blood of the...
507
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:32,152
Okay, nana. All right.
That's enough.
508
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:33,778
I could've sworn
I was at her funeral.
509
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:36,323
It was an open casket!
510
00:18:36,615 --> 00:18:37,907
Yay!
511
00:18:38,199 --> 00:18:39,492
Yeah!
512
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,162
Master plan!
513
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,955
Girl! That's...
514
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:46,833
Sestra Ples.
515
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:54,257
So... Elephant in
the room, um...
516
00:18:54,549 --> 00:18:57,177
Why do you have a life-size
dummy of me again?
517
00:18:57,469 --> 00:18:59,137
Well, you were traveling
a lot on business,
518
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:02,057
and I was watching a ton
of Nancy Grace... Mmm-hmm.
519
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:03,975
So I made this guy to make
it seem like you were home.
520
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:05,894
Oh.
Yeah.
521
00:19:07,437 --> 00:19:08,647
I am home now.
522
00:19:08,938 --> 00:19:10,565
We are eating broccoli
and dinner.
523
00:19:10,857 --> 00:19:11,608
Time to watch sport game.
524
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:14,861
Go, home team!
525
00:19:15,153 --> 00:19:17,030
Oh. I get it.
That makes more sense.
526
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,281
It's just for security.
527
00:19:18,573 --> 00:19:19,741
Yeah.
Yeah.
528
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,785
You are my everything.
Okay.
529
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,453
You look good with short
hair or long hair.
530
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:24,788
Wait a minute.
531
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,748
Way to keep it tight, girl.
532
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,041
"Keep it tight, girl?" How
does he know it's tight? What?
533
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,460
Um, emotional security
534
00:19:30,752 --> 00:19:32,462
is just as important
as physical security.
535
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,090
You are right. I am wrong.
536
00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,509
I am wrong. I am wrong.
537
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:41,471
I am always wrong.
Mmm! Mmm, mmm!
538
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:44,974
Music to my ding dang dong ears.
539
00:19:45,266 --> 00:19:45,767
I am wrong.
38895
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