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1
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:03,336
Ladies and gentlemen,
2
00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:04,629
friends and family,
3
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:06,464
pity invitees,
4
00:00:06,756 --> 00:00:10,301
are you ready to get
your bar mitzvah on?
5
00:00:10,593 --> 00:00:13,346
Well, then please join me
in welcoming to the stage,
6
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,516
he entered a boy
but will be leaving a...
7
00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:18,100
"Entered a boy"
doesn't sound great.
8
00:00:18,392 --> 00:00:20,895
He came in a...
Still not great.
9
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,774
Let's just welcome to the stage, Mr.
Benjamin Feldman!
10
00:00:28,277 --> 00:00:31,322
So, Max is a
bar mitzvah emcee now?
11
00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:34,325
I think they prefer to be
called bar mitzvah hype guys.
12
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:36,786
I believe it's pronounced
chype guys.
13
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:39,080
I did not know
that this was a job.
14
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,331
Well, Max leads the
league in having jobs
15
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:41,499
you didn't know were jobs. Mmm.
16
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,292
Remember when he was
a salad bar back?
17
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,836
Yeah, that was right before
he was a funeral seat filler.
18
00:00:46,128 --> 00:00:47,213
Oh, Kevin.
19
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,092
Oh, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin.
20
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:58,224
Oh, Devin!
21
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:01,561
Devin, Devin, Devin.
22
00:01:01,852 --> 00:01:04,146
Oh, Max is bad at
most things he does.
23
00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:06,649
I can't believe I gifted
him with my virginity.
24
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,734
Oh. You know, he's actually
pretty great out there.
25
00:01:09,026 --> 00:01:10,820
Okay, everybody, ready
for the dreidel spin!
26
00:01:11,112 --> 00:01:14,490
♪ Tonight, tonight ♪
27
00:01:14,782 --> 00:01:16,492
Yeah!
Okay.
28
00:01:16,784 --> 00:01:18,536
Yes and yes and yes and yes.
29
00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,955
Guys, This food is so good.
30
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,957
From now on,
Alex is keeping it kosh!
31
00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,667
Al, what are you doing?
Max said we could only come
32
00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,669
as long as we didn't eat
anything, talk to anyone,
33
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,504
or flirt with the cute
rabbi who drives a Ferrari
34
00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:29,880
and chants like a Jewish angel.
35
00:01:30,172 --> 00:01:31,549
You have done
all of those things.
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00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:34,719
He drives a 'rari and
sings like a damn angel.
37
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:37,930
Plus, I have always wanted
to marry a Jewish guy.
38
00:01:38,222 --> 00:01:39,890
They're just, like, so cool,
39
00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:42,685
with their leather
jackets and their jeans
40
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,186
and their ability to turn
jukeboxes on and off
41
00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:45,855
just by punching them.
42
00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:47,940
Okay, I'm just
describing The Fonz.
43
00:01:48,232 --> 00:01:49,817
You know, I always thought
I'd end up with a Jewish guy
44
00:01:50,109 --> 00:01:52,778
until I met
this chocolate anaconda.
45
00:01:53,070 --> 00:01:54,614
Ay! Oh!
Me?
46
00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:55,823
I think Brad's out there.
47
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:58,492
Oh! Whoa! Oh! Whoa! Oh!
48
00:01:58,784 --> 00:02:00,369
Whoa!
Whoa!
49
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:04,498
You know, those two
are pretty good together.
50
00:02:04,790 --> 00:02:06,334
Speaking of good together, you know
what would be great with this blintz?
51
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,252
Bacon.
52
00:02:08,544 --> 00:02:09,545
Al, if you're keeping it
kosh, you can't have bacon.
53
00:02:09,837 --> 00:02:11,047
Even on my cheat days?
54
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,465
There are no cheat days.
Ham?
55
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:14,133
Still, no.
Okay.
56
00:02:14,425 --> 00:02:16,385
I think I know the answer,
but what about bacon bits?
57
00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:17,887
It says bacon in the name.
58
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,889
You have an eating disorder.
59
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:21,098
Can I still stay friends
with my pig friends?
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00:02:22,141 --> 00:02:24,143
Yes, of course.
Of course.
61
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:25,978
Pig friends?
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00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:38,741
You and Dave should
come out with us tonight.
63
00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:41,577
Brad got tickets to one
of those hologram concerts.
64
00:02:41,869 --> 00:02:42,870
Hologram Graham Nash is opening
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00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:44,580
for Hologram Hall & Oates.
66
00:02:44,872 --> 00:02:45,665
Well, actually,
it's Hologram Hall,
67
00:02:45,956 --> 00:02:47,541
but real-live Oates.
68
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:50,002
Uh, we'd love to, but we
kinda got a lot going on.
69
00:02:50,294 --> 00:02:51,962
Yeah.
I can see that.
70
00:02:52,254 --> 00:02:53,464
As a matter of fact,
71
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:55,216
Dave and I have a pretty
juicy date night planned.
72
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:56,717
Ooh!
Yeah.
73
00:02:57,009 --> 00:02:58,260
My fruit guy,
Farique, hooked us up
74
00:02:58,552 --> 00:02:59,887
with some next-level dates,
75
00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:01,847
so, we're gonna stay inside
and house those bad boys.
76
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:04,725
Well, got to go dump out.
77
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:06,977
Yes!
78
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,146
So,
79
00:03:09,438 --> 00:03:10,523
seems like you and Dave
are getting comfortable again
80
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,024
pretty quick.
81
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:13,567
What's wrong with that?
82
00:03:13,859 --> 00:03:15,027
Pumpkin, I just don't
want things to end up
83
00:03:15,319 --> 00:03:17,029
the way they did
last time for you two.
84
00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:19,448
I'm worried you're falling
back into old patterns.
85
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:20,700
I mean, you got to mix it up
a little, like Brad and I do.
86
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,745
I'm gonna need to see
your license, registration,
87
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:25,913
and proof of penis.
88
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:27,540
This is outrageous.
89
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,166
I'm writing down
your vag number.
90
00:03:29,458 --> 00:03:30,626
It's number one.
91
00:03:30,918 --> 00:03:32,044
Yeah, it is.
92
00:03:33,212 --> 00:03:33,796
Ee! Oh, snap.
93
00:03:35,214 --> 00:03:36,382
It's the real po-po.
94
00:03:36,674 --> 00:03:37,508
Excuse me, miss.
Wait. Babe?
95
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,176
Babe? Babe!
Miss?
96
00:03:39,468 --> 00:03:41,429
Turns out those cops
were just another couple,
97
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:43,222
had their own thing going on.
98
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,599
Okay, I appreciate your concern
but Dave and I are fine.
99
00:03:45,891 --> 00:03:47,893
Okay, we've got plenty of
romance in our relationship.
100
00:03:48,185 --> 00:03:49,228
False alarm.
101
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,105
Oh, well. Something to
look forward to.
102
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:53,482
Oh! Actually, false alarm
on the false alarm.
103
00:03:53,774 --> 00:03:55,109
See ya in 25 to 30.
104
00:03:55,401 --> 00:03:56,777
Yes!
105
00:03:58,446 --> 00:03:59,405
I get it. We're gross.
106
00:04:00,197 --> 00:04:02,283
Yeah.
107
00:04:02,575 --> 00:04:04,243
So you know that super sweet guy
108
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:05,828
I met at the bar mitzvah?
Mmm-hmm.
109
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:07,747
Turns out he wasn't just
a little on the short side
110
00:04:08,038 --> 00:04:09,498
with a hipster mustache.
111
00:04:09,790 --> 00:04:12,001
He's 13 and actually
tall for his age.
112
00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,504
Oh, I guess 5772 isn't gonna
be the year of Penny, either.
113
00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:17,423
Why is he sending you
pictures of his teeth?
114
00:04:17,715 --> 00:04:19,175
Because he just got
his braces off.
115
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:20,885
It's like, okay, Eli,
we get that you're fired up,
116
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,178
but act like you've been there.
117
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,971
Mmm-hmm.
Speaking of bar mitzvahs,
118
00:04:24,263 --> 00:04:25,389
how awesome were
Max and I yesterday?
119
00:04:25,681 --> 00:04:26,849
Mmm!
120
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:29,143
I mean, people were hanging
on our every move.
121
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:30,519
It was like a scene
out of Magic Mike,
122
00:04:30,811 --> 00:04:32,104
not that I would know.
123
00:04:32,396 --> 00:04:33,355
Oh, my God.
I just had the best idea.
124
00:04:33,647 --> 00:04:34,440
Buy Magic Mike on Blu-ray?
125
00:04:34,732 --> 00:04:36,025
No. Well, maybe. But no.
126
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:38,611
You two should team up and
hype bar mitzvahs together.
127
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,488
I don't know.
128
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:41,906
I mean, I'd have to think
about it because I only
129
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,574
really, really, really,
really, really wanna do it.
130
00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:45,409
Look, Brad, you're a good kid,
131
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:47,787
but I hype alone.
132
00:04:48,078 --> 00:04:50,623
Max, everyone at the party
was talking about you two.
133
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,000
If you team up, I bet I could
get you a ton of work.
134
00:04:53,292 --> 00:04:55,503
You will be the hottest
mixed race dance crew
135
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:56,962
since Paula Abdul
and MC Skat Kat.
136
00:04:58,422 --> 00:04:59,131
He was Persian.
137
00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:02,760
Sure.
What the hell!
138
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:04,678
Max!
139
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:07,348
You beautiful bastard.
You will not regret it.
140
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,308
But you are gonna have to work.
141
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,310
I'm talking early mornings,
late nights, Right.
142
00:05:11,602 --> 00:05:12,978
On-time afternoons.
Okay.
143
00:05:13,270 --> 00:05:14,396
You're gonna have to eat, breathe,
dream, and sleep... Right.
144
00:05:14,688 --> 00:05:16,023
...every single move
that I teach you,
145
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:18,234
and then, even then
146
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:19,401
I can't be assured
that you're gonna get it.
147
00:05:22,696 --> 00:05:24,448
Well, you got it.
148
00:05:24,740 --> 00:05:26,075
It's possible I oversold
how hard this would be.
149
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,952
Yeah.
Oh, and check this out.
150
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,745
I've been working on that
spin move you've been doing.
151
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:32,289
Dreidel... No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
152
00:05:32,581 --> 00:05:34,166
That's my signature move.
153
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:36,585
No one does the Dreidel spin
except DJ Dikembe Mutombo.
154
00:05:36,877 --> 00:05:39,463
Wait. Why is your name
DJ Dikembe Mutombo?
155
00:05:39,755 --> 00:05:40,464
Because no one doesn't dance
156
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:41,590
in Mutombo's house.
157
00:05:44,635 --> 00:05:45,719
Not only do I love that,
158
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,096
but it makes me hate
your regular voice
159
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:48,055
and non-Mutombo persona.
160
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,937
It's for his older brother.
161
00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:55,980
The bar mitzvah
boy's older brother.
162
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:57,356
What?
Ugh.
163
00:05:57,648 --> 00:05:59,650
Yeah. The minute
I said it, I realized,
164
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,110
the older brother's gonna
wanna see more cleave.
165
00:06:01,402 --> 00:06:02,570
Um... Mmm-mmm.
Huh?
166
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,405
Uh...
Mmm.
167
00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,823
What is that move?
Ooh. Oh, boy.
168
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,492
Just need the right angle.
It's all about the angle.
169
00:06:08,784 --> 00:06:11,662
Okay, well,
that's a rough angle.
170
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,874
Hey, Al, I got some
pretty sick puzzles here!
171
00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:17,793
You wanna go with Amish
country, which is 300 pieces,
172
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:20,212
or Mount Rushmore, which is...
173
00:06:20,504 --> 00:06:22,423
...one piece?
I bought a place mat.
174
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:23,299
Yoo-hoo.
175
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:26,635
What you doing?
176
00:06:26,927 --> 00:06:28,679
I thought we could
repaint the room.
177
00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,764
And if that happens to lead
178
00:06:31,056 --> 00:06:32,933
to us playfully flicking
paint at each other
179
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:34,935
and then making passionate love
on the floor, then so be it.
180
00:06:35,227 --> 00:06:36,395
How long have you been
inhaling these paint fumes?
181
00:06:36,687 --> 00:06:37,771
Long enough.
182
00:06:38,063 --> 00:06:40,482
Okay. Just gonna
open a window.
183
00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,359
I think you should open
your pants window.
184
00:06:42,651 --> 00:06:44,236
Come on! Let's have fun!
185
00:06:44,528 --> 00:06:45,696
Ahhh!
186
00:06:45,988 --> 00:06:46,655
Oh, God! It's in my eyes!
Oh! Ahhh!
187
00:06:46,947 --> 00:06:47,615
My lasiks!
188
00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:49,199
Oh!
189
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,327
My Asics!
190
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:52,745
Wait! Come back!
191
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,331
I also have the
pottery wheel from Ghost.
192
00:06:55,623 --> 00:06:57,041
Ooh.
193
00:06:57,333 --> 00:06:58,542
Maybe I should open a window.
194
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:00,294
Don't be shy. Daddy's
got to carbo load.
195
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:01,378
Enjoy the mashed potato.
196
00:07:01,670 --> 00:07:03,047
Maybe this was a mistake.
197
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:04,465
What if I can't hype them up?
198
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:05,758
What if they find out
I'm not Jewish?
199
00:07:06,050 --> 00:07:07,426
Dude, I told them
you were Ethiopian.
200
00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:10,804
And relax. White people
love black people.
201
00:07:11,096 --> 00:07:13,349
Why do you think we've been wholesale
ripping off your culture for decades?
202
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:15,017
It's out of love.
203
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:16,560
And greed.
But mostly love.
204
00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:17,436
Of money.
205
00:07:20,481 --> 00:07:22,524
It's go time!
206
00:07:22,816 --> 00:07:24,318
All right, everybody!
Okay.
207
00:07:24,610 --> 00:07:25,402
It's time to put
down that challah.
208
00:07:25,694 --> 00:07:27,154
And get ready to holla.
209
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:30,157
For Boyz II Menorah!
210
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,328
♪ So shy, don't cry
Hide it away
211
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:36,330
♪ Like a little wallflower
212
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,749
♪ In the shadows of day
Whoa!
213
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,835
♪ Now I'm all about
Stepping out into the light
214
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:46,882
♪ Tonight
215
00:07:47,174 --> 00:07:48,425
You missed.
216
00:07:48,717 --> 00:07:49,969
♪ Tonight ♪
217
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:52,388
Oh! Look at
that man move!
218
00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,724
This is some good material
for the ol' buzz bank.
219
00:07:56,016 --> 00:07:58,394
You are not like other
married couples I see on TV.
220
00:07:58,686 --> 00:07:59,728
From the gentleman at the bar.
221
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:00,604
Ooh!
222
00:08:01,313 --> 00:08:02,898
Oh! Hello.
223
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:05,109
Not him. Him.
224
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,072
Yeah, that makes more sense.
225
00:08:11,865 --> 00:08:12,950
I don't get it.
What is it about me?
226
00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,369
I am like Jewish boy crack.
227
00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,788
Well, you're a goy with
vaguely Semitic looks
228
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,623
who gives off a real strong vibe
229
00:08:19,915 --> 00:08:21,750
that you know your way
around a Handrew Jackson.
230
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:25,754
Jane! You're making me blush!
231
00:08:26,046 --> 00:08:27,923
Ha! Yeah!
Ha! Ha! Ha!
232
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,051
Good! Good! Good! Good!
233
00:08:31,343 --> 00:08:32,678
Ah! Ah! Good!
234
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:33,554
I got a mashed potato cramp.
235
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,598
Oi! Oi!
Ahhh!
236
00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:38,058
Excuse me. Party starter
coming through.
237
00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,393
Yeah!
Phew!
238
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:40,519
Whoo!
239
00:08:43,105 --> 00:08:44,356
Okay, everybody,
240
00:08:44,648 --> 00:08:45,816
it's time for the dreidel spin!
241
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:47,776
Dreidel spin!
242
00:08:48,068 --> 00:08:49,445
Huh! Huh!
243
00:08:54,199 --> 00:08:56,118
Ahhh!
244
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:57,494
Yes.
245
00:08:57,786 --> 00:08:58,620
Betrayal!
246
00:08:59,788 --> 00:09:01,206
Yeah! Yeah!
247
00:09:07,546 --> 00:09:09,214
Hey, dude!
248
00:09:09,506 --> 00:09:10,758
Ooh. How are
the eyes doing?
249
00:09:11,675 --> 00:09:13,510
Not great.
250
00:09:13,802 --> 00:09:15,387
Not great, but the paint
incident did give me a chance
251
00:09:15,679 --> 00:09:17,306
to dust off me old shades.
252
00:09:17,598 --> 00:09:18,766
Did the doctor
make you wear those?
253
00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:21,810
Um, yeah. Dr. Style.
254
00:09:22,102 --> 00:09:24,146
Okay, well, feast your plastic
covered eyes on this!
255
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,857
I am whisking you away
for a romantic weekend.
256
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,358
Oh, Al, I'd love to go,
257
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:30,110
but tomorrow I'm getting
my goatee lined up.
258
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:31,737
And right now, I'm in the middle
259
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:34,615
of responding to a bunch
of nasty reviews on Yelp.
260
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,617
Come on, Dave, okay?
It's gonna be great.
261
00:09:36,909 --> 00:09:39,536
Look, I already packed for you.
262
00:09:39,828 --> 00:09:42,289
Al, all that's in here
is a travel Guess Who?
263
00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,374
And a terrifying
amount of condoms.
264
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:45,417
They're for your penis.
265
00:09:46,835 --> 00:09:48,462
You didn't even
pack any clothes.
266
00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,631
Where we're going,
we don't need clothes.
267
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,257
Actually, that's not true.
268
00:09:52,549 --> 00:09:53,717
Where we're going, we're
gonna need a lot of clothes
269
00:09:54,009 --> 00:09:55,260
'cause it's overrun
by Asian tiger mosquitoes.
270
00:09:55,552 --> 00:09:57,096
But we'll be together!
271
00:09:57,387 --> 00:09:59,431
Look, Al, I just think
we should do this
272
00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:01,892
when we can plan it out and
take advantage of travel deals.
273
00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,478
Oh! We could go to Florida
and stay with my nana.
274
00:10:04,770 --> 00:10:06,605
There is nothing sexy
about your nana.
275
00:10:06,897 --> 00:10:08,315
Mmm. She does all right.
276
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:10,442
Ugh! Our love is dead!
277
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,947
What's happening?
278
00:10:15,239 --> 00:10:17,324
What's happening is she thinks you're
falling back into your old patterns,
279
00:10:17,616 --> 00:10:19,660
and that the romance is already
gone from your relationship.
280
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,411
Yeah. What am
I gonna do?
281
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:23,413
Yeah! Give me
a minute to think.
282
00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:24,915
What are those two
talking about?
283
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,333
I don't know. They got their
own thing going on this week.
284
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:27,793
So, let me get this straight.
285
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,962
You want me to hype
a bar mitzvah without Max?
286
00:10:30,254 --> 00:10:33,590
Not me. My client, former alderman
Larry Umansky. No big deal.
287
00:10:33,882 --> 00:10:36,135
Really not.
In certain circles.
288
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:38,971
He saw you perform
last week and he flipped.
289
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,974
Only catch is, he just
wants you, not Max.
290
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:43,934
Ooh!
291
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:45,811
Boyz II Menorah is a team.
292
00:10:46,103 --> 00:10:47,479
You saw him cramp up
during the hora.
293
00:10:47,771 --> 00:10:49,648
And he was nowhere to be
found when Shout came on.
294
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,567
No one could get even the
slightest bit louder,
295
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,777
and at no point could
anyone get at all softer.
296
00:10:54,069 --> 00:10:55,696
It was an even-keeled disaster.
297
00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,865
I can't hype without Max.
298
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:00,492
Fine, but just in case
you change your mind,
299
00:11:00,784 --> 00:11:02,494
8:00.
Am Shalom temple.
300
00:11:02,786 --> 00:11:04,371
Destiny awaits.
301
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:07,833
Destiny Umansky, Larry's wife.
302
00:11:08,125 --> 00:11:09,334
She'll be your contact
on all things related
303
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:11,378
to Jake's rockin' bar mitzvah.
304
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:13,338
Okay, you got to
do something big.
305
00:11:13,630 --> 00:11:14,882
What is someplace that Alex
has always wanted to visit?
306
00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,300
Smurf village.
Real place.
307
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:18,135
Paris. But honestly,
that is a distant second.
308
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:20,679
I think I've got it.
309
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:23,098
We do a whisk-away,
310
00:11:23,390 --> 00:11:25,392
but instead of whisking
Alex to Paris,
311
00:11:25,684 --> 00:11:29,146
we whisk Paris to Alex.
312
00:11:29,438 --> 00:11:31,481
We can set up your courtyard
like a Parisian bistro.
313
00:11:31,773 --> 00:11:33,942
I can even make
fake plane tickets
314
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:34,860
and wear a stewardess outfit.
315
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,236
That sounds amazing,
316
00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:38,363
but why would you wear
a stewardess outfit?
317
00:11:38,655 --> 00:11:40,157
Well, either that or I'm
gonna need to change.
318
00:11:40,449 --> 00:11:41,408
Um...
319
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:43,035
She's the sexy stewardess,
320
00:11:43,327 --> 00:11:44,953
and I'm the melancholy
frequent flier
321
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:47,247
whose entire life can fit
in an overhead compartment.
322
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:49,833
Ahhh!
Mmm!
323
00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:51,668
Should've called ahead.
324
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,879
I did call ahead, and apparently
it did not make a difference.
325
00:11:55,255 --> 00:11:56,590
Max? Can I talk to you?
326
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,051
Um...
327
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:00,969
What are you doing?
328
00:12:03,138 --> 00:12:04,681
I'm trying to find a dunkaroo
I dropped under the couch,
329
00:12:04,973 --> 00:12:06,642
and I got to get it
before the rats do,
330
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:09,269
because I will not spend
another Thursday
331
00:12:09,561 --> 00:12:11,605
fighting a rat
for what is rightfully mine!
332
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,607
Do you hear me, rat?
333
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,067
Although, you'd probably take
the rat's side, wouldn't you?
334
00:12:15,359 --> 00:12:16,276
Well, depends on the rat.
335
00:12:16,568 --> 00:12:18,654
You stole my move, Brad!
336
00:12:18,946 --> 00:12:20,864
You knew the dreidel spin was my thing.
You did it anyway.
337
00:12:21,156 --> 00:12:22,407
Look, dude, I'm sorry
about the move.
338
00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:24,201
But I had to do something.
You weren't there.
339
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:25,702
Oh, come on.
Look,
340
00:12:25,994 --> 00:12:27,329
if we just take it
more seriously
341
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:28,997
and we're, like, a little
more professional, I think...
342
00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:31,416
Oh, you're gonna talk to me
about being professional?
343
00:12:31,708 --> 00:12:33,919
Me? The guy who took an online
class in bar mitzvah hype?
344
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:36,755
That I created...
345
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,215
And paid for
with Dave's credit card.
346
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,716
Didn't you fail that?
347
00:12:40,008 --> 00:12:42,261
Those exams are racially biased!
348
00:12:42,552 --> 00:12:44,972
When I met you, you were nothin'.
349
00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,641
You were out on the street, doing
underpants stuff for soup money.
350
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:49,226
I made you.
351
00:12:49,518 --> 00:12:51,353
Well, you know what?
I'm done.
352
00:12:51,645 --> 00:12:53,730
Yeah? Maybe Boyz II Menorah is done.
Well, maybe it is!
353
00:12:54,022 --> 00:12:55,649
Well, then maybe we have nothing
left to talk about. Shalom!
354
00:12:57,192 --> 00:12:58,568
Wait. Doesn't that
also mean "Hello"?
355
00:12:58,860 --> 00:12:59,945
I said shalom, sir!
356
00:13:06,118 --> 00:13:07,411
Hello, Destiny?
357
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,204
I think we have a date tonight.
358
00:13:09,496 --> 00:13:11,123
Oh, no, no. Not a real date.
359
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,041
No, it's Brad.
The bar mitzvah guy?
360
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:14,501
Yeah.
361
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:15,669
I'm in.
362
00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:19,089
Wow! This is amazing.
363
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,258
I know. I know.
364
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,718
The only thing missing is Alex.
365
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,553
She should've been here by now.
366
00:13:24,845 --> 00:13:25,679
Well, maybe her store
was really busy.
367
00:13:25,971 --> 00:13:26,680
Mmm.
368
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:33,270
Oh!
369
00:13:33,562 --> 00:13:35,105
Just imagine it
really busy. Just try. Ah!
370
00:13:35,397 --> 00:13:37,274
I can't! I can't do it!
371
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:38,608
I can't!
372
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,277
Mmm, no.
373
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:43,071
Oh! Good times.
374
00:13:43,363 --> 00:13:44,781
Mmm.
375
00:13:45,073 --> 00:13:46,116
Seriously, though,
where the hell is she?
376
00:13:46,408 --> 00:13:47,367
I mean, I sent that invitation
to her store hours ago.
377
00:13:47,659 --> 00:13:49,578
This is the invite?
Yeah.
378
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,331
A fake plane ticket
for love airlines?
379
00:13:52,622 --> 00:13:54,374
Yeah. Check out
where she's sitting.
380
00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:55,542
Your cockpit.
381
00:13:55,834 --> 00:13:56,460
She's your sister.
382
00:13:58,086 --> 00:13:59,838
But well done.
Mmm-hmm.
383
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:01,965
Wow. This looks
shockingly realistic.
384
00:14:02,257 --> 00:14:05,135
Well, I pride myself on realism.
385
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,262
You don't think Alex saw
this and thought...
386
00:14:07,554 --> 00:14:09,139
No. There's no way
she would actually...
387
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:10,891
Well, she can be pretty...
388
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:12,351
Yeah, there was that
one time she ate that...
389
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:13,518
Well, in her defense, it did
smell like a...
390
00:14:13,810 --> 00:14:15,937
You would think
after one bite...
391
00:14:16,229 --> 00:14:18,899
You know, let's just say
what we're both thinking.
392
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,150
Alex went to the airport.
Only an idiot eats a candle.
393
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,070
And the airport thing.
394
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:24,654
No biggie.
Let's just say
395
00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:26,073
someone went to the airport
396
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,199
with a fake plane ticket.
Mmm-hmm.
397
00:14:27,491 --> 00:14:28,950
You don't think
security would...
398
00:14:29,242 --> 00:14:30,410
Ow!
399
00:14:30,702 --> 00:14:31,912
Oh, but I'm being whisked away!
400
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,455
On love airlines!
401
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:34,998
Ohhh. There it is.
402
00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:36,708
Shoot.
403
00:14:42,547 --> 00:14:44,508
Fine, Jane. I'll admit it. Taking
your car would've made more sense.
404
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,592
We had to stop for gas twice.
405
00:14:45,884 --> 00:14:46,885
Hey! You can't
park that here!
406
00:14:47,969 --> 00:14:49,388
Keep it.
407
00:14:49,679 --> 00:14:50,847
No, you're gonna
have to move it.
408
00:14:51,139 --> 00:14:52,516
Come on, man. It's for love.
I don't care!
409
00:14:52,808 --> 00:14:53,934
Come on, man, please!
410
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,602
I'm warning you.
411
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,604
All right, fine.
You know what?
412
00:14:57,896 --> 00:14:58,939
I'll move it.
I'll move it.
413
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:00,524
Fake out!
414
00:15:00,816 --> 00:15:02,109
Stop right there! Uh!
415
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:03,193
Don't worry!
I will find Alex!
416
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,861
We got a runner!
417
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:05,737
Come on, man, that tickles!
That tickles!
418
00:15:06,029 --> 00:15:08,198
Hold it, Miss!
419
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,617
Ha, ha, ha! You fools!
That only makes me stronger!
420
00:15:11,576 --> 00:15:13,245
Ah! Ugh!
421
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:15,747
Ooh. That one's
gonna sting.
422
00:15:16,039 --> 00:15:18,667
Now I got
just one commandment to y'all.
423
00:15:19,709 --> 00:15:21,503
Thou shalt not
424
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:23,672
stop dancing!
425
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,632
♪ Come here
Come here
426
00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,008
♪ Lay me down
Lay me down ♪
427
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:28,677
Yeah.
428
00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,596
You know, I recently
came into a lot of
429
00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,515
savings bonds, and, like me,
430
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,016
they're gonna mature fast.
431
00:15:35,308 --> 00:15:37,310
Oh, yeah? Fast enough
to get me three kids
432
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:39,771
and a lake view
townhome before I'm 35?
433
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:42,274
Can you be that for me, Jake?
434
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,903
They get bigger but they
don't get better, Shawna.
435
00:15:47,195 --> 00:15:49,030
Now as y'all know, a bar
mitzvah is a special time.
436
00:15:49,322 --> 00:15:51,867
A time for friends,
a time for family,
437
00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,326
and a time for...
438
00:15:53,618 --> 00:15:54,286
Betrayal!
439
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,454
Aah!
440
00:15:59,583 --> 00:16:00,500
Max, what are you doing here?
441
00:16:00,792 --> 00:16:02,085
You think a bar mitzvah
gets hyped in this town
442
00:16:02,377 --> 00:16:02,794
without me knowing about it?
443
00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,339
I just had to see it
with my own baby blues.
444
00:16:06,631 --> 00:16:08,467
Well, thanks for
stopping by, buddy.
445
00:16:08,758 --> 00:16:10,218
Now who wants to get
their caricature drawn?
446
00:16:10,510 --> 00:16:12,679
Ooh! Ooh! I'd like to have
my caricature drawn. Me!
447
00:16:12,971 --> 00:16:14,639
Maybe you could
put a knife in my back.
448
00:16:14,931 --> 00:16:16,850
And I'd be on a skateboard with
a tiny tennis racket.
449
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,810
Maybe some
golf clubs on my back.
450
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,354
Guys, we're kind of in the
middle of a coming-of-age,
451
00:16:21,646 --> 00:16:23,482
boy-turning-into-a-man type of
thing, so maybe you could...
452
00:16:23,773 --> 00:16:25,817
You know what, Penny?
You're right. Yep.
453
00:16:26,109 --> 00:16:27,652
There is a serious lack of
hype at this bar mitzvah.
454
00:16:29,362 --> 00:16:30,405
DJ, hit it!
455
00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:31,573
Ugh.
456
00:16:34,242 --> 00:16:35,327
Oh!
Oh, you want a hype-off?
457
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,787
Well, I'll give you a hype-off!
458
00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:39,748
How about I just
take my hype off?
459
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,875
All right, here we go,
y'all sons of Abraham!
460
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:43,668
Get your hands up!
Get your hands up!
461
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:45,879
No, no, no, no! Get your,
get your hands down.
462
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,423
And get your clap on! Get your clap on!
Get your clap on!
463
00:16:48,715 --> 00:16:50,175
Yo, clap is wack!
464
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,344
Get your hands in the air
if you don't really care!
465
00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,179
You should all care!
You should all care!
466
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:56,306
♪ Now clap your hands
With purpose
467
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:58,600
♪ Like you're
totally invested ♪
468
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,393
Isn't this fun?
So many options!
469
00:17:00,685 --> 00:17:02,187
Uh-oh!
I hear a fiddler!
470
00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:04,439
I hear a fiddler on the roof!
471
00:17:04,731 --> 00:17:06,858
Let's raise that roof!
Raise that roof!
472
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:08,443
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Don't raise the roof!
473
00:17:08,735 --> 00:17:10,278
Don't raise the roof
'cause the roof is on fire!
474
00:17:10,570 --> 00:17:11,988
Don't wanna burn those hands!
475
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:13,198
I'm sure all the doctors in the
crowd would agree. Am I right?
476
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:14,366
Oh, ho!
477
00:17:14,658 --> 00:17:15,575
Did I hear someone say
478
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:19,538
limbo? Come on,
granny. Get up here.
479
00:17:19,829 --> 00:17:20,830
Sit your old bones down, nana!
480
00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:24,167
Hey! Give me that!
481
00:17:24,459 --> 00:17:27,003
Guys? You guys, no, come on, this is crazy.
Please don't!
- Stop it!
482
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:28,588
Penny, tell him to stop!
483
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,840
Yeah, you freak!
Gimme! Gimme!
484
00:17:31,132 --> 00:17:32,342
Ahhh!
Ugh!
485
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:36,221
Give me this.
486
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,139
No way!
487
00:17:38,431 --> 00:17:41,518
I know this seems pretty awful,
488
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,813
but when you consider all the things
your people have been through,
489
00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:46,565
it's really not that bad.
490
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:50,527
Eh?
491
00:17:52,445 --> 00:17:54,072
Are we doomed?
492
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:56,533
I mean, is our relationship
destined to fail?
493
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,743
Actually, I find it encouraging.
494
00:17:59,035 --> 00:18:00,954
You find this encouraging?
495
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:02,831
Yeah, I mean, old Dave and
Alex never made any effort
496
00:18:03,123 --> 00:18:04,708
to be romantic at all.
497
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:05,959
And you and I just
tried so hard,
498
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,420
we shut down O'Hare
for two hours.
499
00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:10,964
Yeah.
You're right.
500
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:12,799
Old Dave and Alex are the worst.
501
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,801
Mmm. We're way better
than those losers.
502
00:18:15,093 --> 00:18:16,261
I'm old Dave.
I never make any effort.
503
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,513
And I'm old Alex.
504
00:18:18,805 --> 00:18:20,557
I constantly wear sweatpants,
and phone it in
505
00:18:20,849 --> 00:18:21,975
when it's my turn to go downstairs.
What?
506
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:22,976
What?
507
00:18:25,061 --> 00:18:28,481
I guess we have come a long way.
508
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:31,276
And, you know, one day we will
get our romantic night in Paris.
509
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,445
Well, we might be
closer than you think.
510
00:18:37,490 --> 00:18:39,451
Aw!
511
00:18:40,702 --> 00:18:42,078
Are you crying?
512
00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:44,539
No. I think it's just
the pepper spray.
513
00:18:44,831 --> 00:18:46,291
But also, I am genuinely moved.
514
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,085
Mmm.
515
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:53,923
Hey. Sorry I ruined
your gig.
516
00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:56,217
Eh. I should have never taken
it behind your back, dude.
517
00:18:56,509 --> 00:18:58,887
I just got so caught up,
you know?
518
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,056
You saw the crowd.
They loved me.
519
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,725
And this is traditionally a
very hard to please people.
520
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,352
Well, I don't care for the
way you phrased that.
521
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,312
I've just never had a job
that made people this happy.
522
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:09,439
You know? I was
an investment banker, Max.
523
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,651
That's like one step below
Tonight Show bandleader.
524
00:19:12,942 --> 00:19:15,236
But don't worry. I know. Hyping's
your thing. I'll find my own.
525
00:19:15,528 --> 00:19:17,739
Nah. Turns out I'm getting
out the game, too.
526
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,450
Not by choice.
527
00:19:20,742 --> 00:19:21,951
Just, what we did in there is
officially considered a hate crime.
528
00:19:22,994 --> 00:19:24,704
Yeah. I could see that.
529
00:19:24,996 --> 00:19:26,831
Kinda ruined that party
and screwed over Penny.
530
00:19:27,123 --> 00:19:29,584
Nah, Penny's a pro. She'll find
a way to smooth things over.
531
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:32,128
All right, so I'm gonna do this,
532
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,172
but after, you have
to tell your parents
533
00:19:34,464 --> 00:19:36,424
this was the best bar mitzvah
you have ever been to.
534
00:19:38,009 --> 00:19:39,386
Ready?
535
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:40,845
What are you doing?
536
00:19:42,430 --> 00:19:43,264
We just wanted
a ride to the mall.
537
00:19:45,016 --> 00:19:46,685
Fair enoof.
538
00:19:46,976 --> 00:19:48,520
Excuse me.
539
00:19:57,153 --> 00:19:58,947
Okay. One sec.
One sec.
540
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,370
Hey, yo, kid!
541
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,832
This bar mitzvah is wack.
542
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,542
I know.
What do I do?
543
00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:12,794
I'm glad you asked.
544
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:15,338
♪ If you wanna make
your bar or bat mitzvah phat
545
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:17,424
♪ Boyz II Menorah
Is where it's at
546
00:20:17,716 --> 00:20:19,884
♪ So here's a few simple
Steps to help with that
547
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,262
♪ Step one
♪ Step one, call us up
548
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,848
♪ Step two, ♪ Step two
We'll get in the car
549
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:26,808
♪ Step three ♪ Step three
Yo, put the car in drive
550
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,394
♪ Aw, step four ♪ Step
four Believe in yourself
551
00:20:29,686 --> 00:20:31,855
♪ Step five ♪ Step five
Repeat step fo', ho
552
00:20:32,147 --> 00:20:33,898
♪ Step six ♪ Step six Shh!
It's a secret
553
00:20:34,190 --> 00:20:35,233
♪ Step Seven
♪ Step seven
554
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:36,192
♪ It's also a secret
555
00:20:36,484 --> 00:20:37,569
♪ Step eight
♪ Step eight
556
00:20:37,861 --> 00:20:39,028
♪ It's a secret, too
557
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,114
♪ In fact, steps 9 through 21 are
secrets as well
558
00:20:41,406 --> 00:20:42,532
♪ Step 22
559
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:45,034
♪ Now we at the party
Now we at the party
560
00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:47,829
♪ Party, now we at the party
Now we at the party
561
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:49,664
♪ Party, party, party
Party, party, party
562
00:20:49,956 --> 00:20:51,416
♪ Party, party, party
Now freeze!
563
00:20:51,708 --> 00:20:52,542
♪ 'Cause it's time
For more steps
564
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:54,043
♪ Step 23
♪ Step 23
565
00:20:54,335 --> 00:20:55,295
Find your place card
and your corresponding table.
566
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:58,715
♪ Step 24
♪ Step 24
567
00:20:59,007 --> 00:21:00,967
♪ Get a Virgin Margarita
Or a mini hot dog
568
00:21:02,218 --> 00:21:03,511
♪ Step 25
♪ Step 25
569
00:21:03,803 --> 00:21:06,556
♪ Socialize
570
00:21:06,848 --> 00:21:08,016
♪ Step 26
♪ Step 26
571
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:09,476
♪ The secrets are back
572
00:21:09,768 --> 00:21:10,393
♪ And they aren't
Going anywhere
573
00:21:10,685 --> 00:21:13,021
♪ For steps 27 to 49
574
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,023
♪ Now it's time for step 50
The obvious step
575
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,400
♪ And we know we
don't have to tell you
576
00:21:17,692 --> 00:21:19,736
♪ 'Cause you can
say it yourself
577
00:21:20,028 --> 00:21:22,197
♪ Step 50! ♪
41793
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