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1
00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:22,772
How many times
must we go over this?
2
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,190
You cannot get
the refrigerator door
3
00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,651
all the way open
before the light comes on.
4
00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,861
So that's why
you called us here, Al?
5
00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:30,571
No, I signed us up
6
00:00:30,863 --> 00:00:33,574
for the Northside Kickball
Classic this weekend.
7
00:00:33,866 --> 00:00:35,660
And Xela is sponsoring our team.
8
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:36,911
What's Shayla?
9
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,829
Uh, Xela's my store. Duh.
10
00:00:39,121 --> 00:00:40,248
Uh, no, not, "duh."
11
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,875
X-E-L-A spells Shayla?
12
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:44,877
I didn't know you could
pronounce your store's name.
13
00:00:45,169 --> 00:00:47,421
I thought it was a four-letter
Celtic symbol for "failure."
14
00:00:50,091 --> 00:00:53,219
Stop. Come on.
Guys, it'll be fun.
15
00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,471
Plus it's great advertising.
I mean, a couple years ago,
16
00:00:55,763 --> 00:00:57,139
that bakery for dogs
sponsored a team,
17
00:00:57,431 --> 00:00:59,016
and it really helped
their business.
18
00:00:59,308 --> 00:01:01,519
Until the recession, and they
realized it's a bakery for dogs.
19
00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:04,146
Wait, they closed
All Dogs Go To Evan's Bakery?
20
00:01:04,438 --> 00:01:06,732
Well, we have a really
busy weekend, Al.
21
00:01:07,024 --> 00:01:07,984
I'm getting my hair done,
22
00:01:08,276 --> 00:01:10,444
and my book club
is doing a brunch crawl.
23
00:01:10,736 --> 00:01:13,406
I will be observing
the live birth of a baby calf.
24
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,450
I know it might sound stupid,
but I started going to church.
25
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:18,452
Guys,
this could be our last chance
26
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:19,996
to do something like this
all together.
27
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,248
I mean, next year,
Brad and Jane could have a baby.
28
00:01:22,540 --> 00:01:23,749
Aw... No.
29
00:01:24,041 --> 00:01:25,251
Dave's truck
could go out of business.
30
00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:26,794
Who knows if he'll even stay
in Chicago?
31
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:28,671
Why would I leave Chicago?
Max could be dead
32
00:01:28,963 --> 00:01:30,673
or presumed missing.
Or presumed dead.
33
00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:32,717
And Penny'll probably be
going through a divorce.
34
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,344
Thank you.
You bet.
35
00:01:35,636 --> 00:01:37,305
So come on, please!
Please.
36
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:38,889
Oh, I'm getting a call.
Sorry.
37
00:01:39,181 --> 00:01:41,309
Hello?
It's pretty please.
38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,685
Damn it.
Let me talk to her.
39
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,186
What?
Let me talk to her.
40
00:01:44,478 --> 00:01:45,438
Hello!
41
00:01:47,064 --> 00:01:48,774
Hey, pretty please.
No, you're cute.
42
00:01:49,066 --> 00:01:50,109
Girl, what you up to?
43
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,445
Still asking people
to play kickball? Okay.
44
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:55,448
Guys, this bitch
is like a dog with a bone.
45
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:57,491
I think we gotta play.
Okay.
46
00:01:57,783 --> 00:02:00,244
Let's just, for one time,
let the little blondie have it.
47
00:02:00,536 --> 00:02:02,788
Let's play.
Yeah? I'm so excited.
48
00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:04,373
All right.
If you guys want me to be
49
00:02:04,665 --> 00:02:06,626
the lovable but gruff
player-manager.
50
00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:09,295
Nobody wants you to be that.
We're gonna have to talk salary.
51
00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:11,881
Now I am willing to work for,
at minimum, league maximum,
52
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,091
'cause there is no way you are
getting Max for the minimum.
53
00:02:14,383 --> 00:02:15,551
There'll be warm beer
in the dugout.
54
00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:17,094
Okay, you throw in
a lifetime of memories
55
00:02:17,386 --> 00:02:18,429
I can cherish
for now and always,
56
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,598
and you got yourself a manager.
57
00:02:31,525 --> 00:02:33,653
Guys, look what I found
for the big game:
58
00:02:33,944 --> 00:02:36,238
My old eye black.
Take that, sun.
59
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:37,865
I've got nature's eye black
right hear.
60
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,076
Melanin, baby.
That's what makes me brown.
61
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:41,911
Dave, I gotta talk to you
for a second.
62
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:44,163
As the team's self-appointed
player-manager,
63
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,957
I gotta let you know, I'm dropping
you down to six-hole, champ.
64
00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:48,334
I'm kicking sixth?
65
00:02:48,626 --> 00:02:50,002
That's last.
I should be kicking cleanup.
66
00:02:50,294 --> 00:02:51,796
Have you forgotten
that my enormous right foot
67
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,130
is a half-size bigger
than my left?
68
00:02:53,422 --> 00:02:54,632
Size 8, bitches.
69
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,759
No one is questioning
your freakish deer feet, Dave.
70
00:02:57,051 --> 00:02:59,637
It's just... You haven't been
the same since the incident.
71
00:03:07,978 --> 00:03:09,689
You went 0 for 33 after that.
72
00:03:09,980 --> 00:03:11,190
Something happened up here,
73
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,109
and you haven't been able
to kick since.
74
00:03:13,401 --> 00:03:14,777
You got a bad case of the yips,
homey.
75
00:03:15,069 --> 00:03:16,862
Like when Chuck Knoblauch
couldn't throw the ball,
76
00:03:17,154 --> 00:03:19,323
or like when Wang Chung tried
to have fun the following night.
77
00:03:19,615 --> 00:03:21,742
Yips don't lie, homey.
You got hell of yips.
78
00:03:22,034 --> 00:03:24,245
I'm over that. That was a long
time ago, "howmies."
79
00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,956
Wow.
Whoa. Dave. Dave. Racist.
80
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,833
Face it.
You're prone to the yips.
81
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,544
Remember when you forgot the
words to "Gangsta's Paradise"?
82
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,295
To this day, you still can't
perform a eulogy.
83
00:03:33,587 --> 00:03:34,880
You shouldn't be
worrying about me.
84
00:03:35,172 --> 00:03:36,215
You should worry about you.
All you do is bunt.
85
00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:39,677
You're damn right I do.
I love a big bunt, all right?
86
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:42,304
I play kick-money-ball,
and I get on base every time.
87
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:43,764
It's all about numbers, baby,
88
00:03:44,056 --> 00:03:45,891
and the numbers say
I'm kicking 1000.
89
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:48,144
People call me "Bunt Cake."
No one calls you that.
90
00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:50,187
Nobody calls me "the guy
who defuses tense situations
91
00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:51,731
with unexpected compliments,"
92
00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,315
but that doesn't mean
it's not true.
93
00:03:53,607 --> 00:03:55,317
By the way, Dave,
have your fingers lost weight?
94
00:03:55,609 --> 00:03:56,694
Thank you for noticing.
95
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:57,987
Yeah, man,
they're lean and mean.
96
00:03:58,279 --> 00:03:59,488
Especially for a guy
with the yips.
97
00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:01,407
All right, you know what?
98
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:04,034
It's ridiculous.
That is ridiculous.
99
00:04:06,203 --> 00:04:07,913
You can't get the yips
in kickball.
100
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,624
Oh, yeah?
David, then kick this.
101
00:04:10,916 --> 00:04:12,126
What? Wait. Max!
102
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,795
That's a bowling ball!
103
00:04:15,087 --> 00:04:16,046
♪ Y-yips ♪
104
00:04:16,338 --> 00:04:17,798
♪ Y-y-y-yips ♪
105
00:04:18,090 --> 00:04:19,925
I'm actually getting pumped
for kickball.
106
00:04:20,217 --> 00:04:22,219
It is a great place
to meet guys.
107
00:04:22,511 --> 00:04:24,764
Last year, my friend Corey
collided at home plate
108
00:04:25,055 --> 00:04:26,974
with this really cute catcher.
109
00:04:27,266 --> 00:04:29,852
She still can't see colors,
and he has a titanium knee.
110
00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,312
But they're getting married.
111
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,439
Oh, cute.
So cute.
112
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:34,732
Jane,
what's wrong with your car?
113
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,066
Oh, routine maintenance,
114
00:04:36,358 --> 00:04:39,236
boring car stuff,
intake manifold, whatnot.
115
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:41,906
Hey, Jane.
First game's at 10:00 tomorrow.
116
00:04:42,198 --> 00:04:43,324
Here's your jersey.
117
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:46,243
Good on you for hyphenating.
118
00:04:46,535 --> 00:04:48,287
Wait, you're playing kickball
for their team?
119
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,414
I'm sorry. I signed up with them
months ago.
120
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:52,333
And when I commit to something,
I stay committed.
121
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,667
What about that Guatemalan kid
122
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:55,377
you stopped sponsoring
after a month?
123
00:04:55,669 --> 00:04:59,131
When I send $25,
I expect a letter, Adolfo.
124
00:04:59,423 --> 00:05:00,424
Okay, come on.
Quit them. Join us.
125
00:05:00,716 --> 00:05:01,675
It'll be fun.
126
00:05:01,967 --> 00:05:05,304
Oh, no, no, no.
127
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,809
No, no, no.
128
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:11,352
You see, I like to win,
129
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,395
so I'm taking my talents
130
00:05:13,687 --> 00:05:15,439
to South Side Kaz's
Auto Body Shop.
131
00:05:15,731 --> 00:05:18,442
That is cold-blooded,
Leblonde Jane.
132
00:05:18,734 --> 00:05:20,444
This is typical ruthless Jane.
133
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:21,695
Just like when we were kids.
134
00:05:21,987 --> 00:05:23,072
And you stole my spot
135
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:25,032
on "Babu the Green Monkey
Funky Hour."
136
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:26,450
And the last little poacher
137
00:05:26,742 --> 00:05:28,869
to get to join us
for the Babu Boogie...
138
00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:30,538
Alex Kerkovich!
139
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,543
Oh, Jane,
I wish we both could have won.
140
00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:37,127
Yeah, me too.
Oh, well.
141
00:05:37,419 --> 00:05:39,004
Come on up here, Alex.
142
00:05:39,296 --> 00:05:41,924
Here I am.
It's me, Alex.
143
00:05:42,216 --> 00:05:43,843
Let's boogie!
144
00:05:44,134 --> 00:05:45,344
I remember that,
145
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:46,971
when you took your prize trip
to Wave World
146
00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:48,347
and you contracted that
flesh-eating strep bacteria.
147
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,308
That should have been
my flesh-eating strep bacteria,
148
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,977
but you know what?
It's all good, Jane.
149
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,770
You play
for your auto body team,
150
00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:56,897
but Team Xela is gonna gave fun,
151
00:05:57,189 --> 00:05:58,148
and we're gonna win.
152
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,067
Oh, silly Alex.
153
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:01,485
Wins are for winners.
154
00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:07,491
So are you in a bad mood now,
or can we still go try on wigs?
155
00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:09,076
I'm not great.
156
00:06:30,222 --> 00:06:32,808
Play ball!
157
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:35,477
Hello, Chicago,
and welcome to the first day
158
00:06:35,769 --> 00:06:39,189
of the annual
Northside Kickball Classic.
159
00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:40,608
I am Duckie Blenkinship.
160
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,526
Fun fact:
Two teenagers locked me
161
00:06:42,818 --> 00:06:43,402
in that Porta-Potty last year.
162
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:47,114
I've seen it all, folks.
Duckie has seen it all.
163
00:06:47,406 --> 00:06:49,116
All right, everybody.
This is what we're gonna do.
164
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:51,285
We're gonna start off
with some light stretching.
165
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,621
That will be followed
by some heavy losing,
166
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,248
which will then be followed
by some even heavier drinking.
167
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:58,250
Come on, I think we could win
this whole damn thing.
168
00:07:00,044 --> 00:07:01,712
Al, I got my right fielder
in six-inch heels.
169
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:04,673
My kickball shoes
make me look like a lesbian.
170
00:07:04,965 --> 00:07:07,676
I got this guy, I can't tell
if he's practicing his kicking
171
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:11,305
or gently nudging that thing
to make sure it's still alive.
172
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,182
My third baseman's priorities
are out of whack.
173
00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:17,269
Which eye black should I choose,
Ebony Heat or Midnight Storm?
174
00:07:17,561 --> 00:07:20,022
Face it. Jane was the only
good player on this team,
175
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:22,900
and she crap-damn bailed on us.
176
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,151
Look at that traitor.
177
00:07:24,443 --> 00:07:25,819
I hate her,
178
00:07:26,111 --> 00:07:27,696
with those long, lithe legs
179
00:07:27,988 --> 00:07:30,532
just sticking out those
teeny, tiny shorts she got on,
180
00:07:30,824 --> 00:07:32,159
just teasing.
181
00:07:32,451 --> 00:07:34,912
I'm gonna hate her, like,
five times tonight.
182
00:07:35,204 --> 00:07:36,538
Guys, I'm talking about sex.
Got it.
183
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:37,873
Well, at least we got Scotty.
184
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,965
Hey, guys.
Sorry I'm late.
185
00:07:46,256 --> 00:07:48,467
I was getting juiced up,
mango and orange.
186
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:49,718
Also doing steroids.
187
00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:52,304
For my thyroid condition.
188
00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:54,765
And for strength,
because of my weak spine,
189
00:07:55,057 --> 00:07:56,433
because I did too many steroids.
190
00:07:56,725 --> 00:07:58,018
Ooh.
Sunflower seeds.
191
00:07:58,310 --> 00:07:59,687
These are good roughage.
Ew.
192
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:01,563
Swallowed a plastic bag
I'm trying to pass.
193
00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,526
Bottom of the
fifth and team, uh...
194
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:07,236
I don't know how to say this,
folks.
195
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,113
Excel-a?
Is two outs away
196
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,240
from being knocked out
in the first round.
197
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:13,450
Much like I got knocked out
by that teenage girl
198
00:08:13,742 --> 00:08:14,994
when I politely asked her
199
00:08:15,285 --> 00:08:17,204
if her dog could quit
biting my hands.
200
00:08:17,496 --> 00:08:18,956
Here we go.
201
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:22,960
Here's the pitch.
202
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:25,421
Strike two!
Time out.
203
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:28,215
Oh! Another swing and a miss,
and that is strike two!
204
00:08:28,507 --> 00:08:30,009
What's going on, Dave?
205
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:31,927
You're 0 for 4.
You've left seven men on base.
206
00:08:32,219 --> 00:08:34,555
This pitcher's got my number,
man.
207
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:38,267
What did we talk about, huh?
Visualization.
208
00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:40,227
You see the ball.
You kick the ball.
209
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:42,146
You see the ball.
You kick the ball.
210
00:08:42,438 --> 00:08:44,231
See the ball. Kick the ball.
211
00:08:44,523 --> 00:08:46,608
Rose steps back in
after a pep talk.
212
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:48,318
The pitch.
213
00:08:49,862 --> 00:08:51,947
And Dave Rose
214
00:08:52,239 --> 00:08:53,198
is down on strikes.
215
00:08:53,490 --> 00:08:54,700
Grab some bench!
216
00:08:54,992 --> 00:08:55,951
And team Cee-Lo
217
00:08:56,243 --> 00:08:57,870
is down to their final out.
218
00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,580
Well, we had a good run.
219
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:01,623
Actually, we had no runs.
Where are we getting pizza?
220
00:09:01,915 --> 00:09:03,125
Amici's. I overheard
in the men's room
221
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,877
that's where everyone's going.
222
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,920
That was me in the men's room.
I love Amici's.
223
00:09:07,212 --> 00:09:08,547
Guys, stop it!
224
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,549
We still have a chance.
Max, you're the manager.
225
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:12,217
You're supposed to inspire.
226
00:09:12,509 --> 00:09:14,136
I got nothing left!
Figure it out!
227
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:17,097
And, Brad, I still haven't heard
anyone chant "Bunt Cake" yet.
228
00:09:17,389 --> 00:09:19,099
No one chants that.
But they could.
229
00:09:19,391 --> 00:09:21,685
Penny,
you came here to meet guys.
230
00:09:21,977 --> 00:09:24,271
I don't see no ring
on that finger.
231
00:09:24,563 --> 00:09:25,564
Dave, you can still get over
your yips.
232
00:09:26,607 --> 00:09:28,025
We've got one out left,
233
00:09:28,317 --> 00:09:29,985
and we are gonna win this
because we're a team.
234
00:09:30,277 --> 00:09:31,737
You didn't do me.
Shut up!
235
00:09:32,029 --> 00:09:33,363
I'm gonna go out there
and start a rally!
236
00:09:33,655 --> 00:09:35,324
Come on!
237
00:09:35,616 --> 00:09:37,076
Alex Kerkovich at the plate.
The pitch.
238
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:41,330
Cuts deep to left!
239
00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,999
It's out of here!
Say goodbye!
240
00:09:44,291 --> 00:09:45,751
Unbelievable, folks!
241
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:48,962
A gigantic home run
from a child-sized woman!
242
00:10:00,849 --> 00:10:03,018
Very impressive for a chubby!
243
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,978
Dave Rose.
244
00:10:07,523 --> 00:10:09,942
He's terrible! And Penny Hartz.
245
00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,781
And Team "Zazu" wins!
246
00:10:16,073 --> 00:10:17,616
Wow, what a comeback!
247
00:10:17,908 --> 00:10:21,411
Yeah! We did it!
Yes, yes, yes!
248
00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:24,540
Yeah!
249
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,334
We might not suck!
250
00:10:46,353 --> 00:10:47,896
Left foot, right, left, left!
251
00:10:48,188 --> 00:10:49,773
Come on!
252
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,448
Yes!
253
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:02,161
And Team "Zazu" wins
254
00:11:02,452 --> 00:11:05,080
and they're just one win away
from the championship game.
255
00:11:05,372 --> 00:11:07,166
That was so amazing today!
256
00:11:07,457 --> 00:11:09,877
Yep, I managed
a hell of a game out there.
257
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:11,920
Okay, game ball time.
Here we go. Bring it in.
258
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:14,047
And the game ball goes to Max
259
00:11:14,339 --> 00:11:15,757
for managing a hell of a game
out there today.
260
00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:19,720
Oh, lookie, lookie.
It's Jane-a-dict Arnold.
261
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:21,805
Hello, Jane.
Hello, Newman.
262
00:11:22,097 --> 00:11:23,765
I don't know if you heard,
but we got game.
263
00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:25,559
Kickball game!
264
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,604
Looks like we're meeting
Kaz's Auto Body in semifinals.
265
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,939
The kickball semifinal.
266
00:11:31,231 --> 00:11:33,066
Classic battle.
Good versus evil.
267
00:11:33,358 --> 00:11:34,610
Bulls versus Pistons.
268
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,820
My Aunt Michelle
versus Hepatitis B.
269
00:11:37,112 --> 00:11:39,823
And we got moves
you don't even know about.
270
00:11:40,115 --> 00:11:43,076
I know your one moves.
You bunt.
271
00:11:43,368 --> 00:11:44,953
They call me Bunt Cake.
272
00:11:45,245 --> 00:11:46,413
Come on, man.
No one calls you that.
273
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:47,831
Anyway, you're only as good
274
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:48,707
as your weakest link.
275
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,377
I'm talking about yipsy-ki-yay
mother failure over there.
276
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:54,129
See the ball Kick the ball
277
00:11:54,421 --> 00:11:56,048
See the kick Kick the Penny
278
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,424
No, David!
279
00:11:57,716 --> 00:12:00,260
Oh! Good luck with that.
Yeah.
280
00:12:00,552 --> 00:12:01,970
Don't worry about my team,
Jane, all right?
281
00:12:02,262 --> 00:12:03,305
'Cause we're a team!
Yeah.
282
00:12:03,597 --> 00:12:04,556
We stick together!
Yeah!
283
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:06,350
It's called loyalty!
Yeah.
284
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,894
You don't know nothing about that.
Nothing!
285
00:12:09,186 --> 00:12:10,854
We gotta cut
that sad mother failure.
286
00:12:11,146 --> 00:12:13,357
You're damn right, we do.
But you've got to do it.
287
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:15,150
He's used to hearing
crap like that from you.
288
00:12:17,361 --> 00:12:18,946
Yo, yo, teammates!
289
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,406
You ready to throw another W
up on the board today?
290
00:12:25,827 --> 00:12:28,080
Next stop, championship.
All aboard!
291
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:29,498
M-slice!
292
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:31,792
B-rad! Big A!
293
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,961
Weird S. P-dog!
294
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,004
And Lance Briggs.
295
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:37,464
That's the name on my state I.D.
296
00:12:37,756 --> 00:12:39,800
I don't drive.
It's too dangerous.
297
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:43,679
What's Chicago Bears linebacker,
Lance Briggs doing here?
298
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,138
Listen, Dave.
D-town.
299
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,016
Dave, Lance works out
at Brad's Pilates gym.
300
00:12:48,308 --> 00:12:49,768
That's how I keep
the core tight.
301
00:12:50,060 --> 00:12:51,395
Heard that.
No, you didn't.
302
00:12:51,687 --> 00:12:54,022
Anyway, we asked him
to join the team, bud.
303
00:12:54,314 --> 00:12:56,858
Yeah, so that means we're gonna
have to replace somebody, buddy.
304
00:12:57,150 --> 00:12:58,777
Ouch.
That's some harsh barley.
305
00:12:59,069 --> 00:13:01,154
But what's good for the gander
is good for the geese, so...
306
00:13:01,446 --> 00:13:03,156
Sorry, Scotty.
You're pretty weird, anyway.
307
00:13:03,448 --> 00:13:05,033
Oh, it's not me, Doug.
Dave.
308
00:13:05,325 --> 00:13:06,743
Well, if it's not Scotty,
then who...?
309
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:11,206
Oh. It's me, isn't it?
310
00:13:11,498 --> 00:13:13,208
Dave, we just can't
get eliminated now.
311
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,836
Bunt Cake's gotten addicted
to people calling him Bunt Cake.
312
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:17,879
No one calls you that.
Bunt they will.
313
00:13:18,171 --> 00:13:20,090
Look, I'm sorry, Dave.
I mean, it's not gonna be me.
314
00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,467
You know,
I haven't hooked up yet, and...
315
00:13:22,759 --> 00:13:24,052
I'm mad horny, son.
316
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:25,846
Oh, I'll do stuff to you.
Please no.
317
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,807
Look, guys.
Have I been in a slump? Yes.
318
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:31,810
Is Lance Briggs
a superior athlete? Doy.
319
00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:34,730
Does he have the body
of a Greek god? Amen!
320
00:13:35,022 --> 00:13:37,399
But the point is, Lance...
321
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:40,736
Would it be weird if I asked you
for your autograph right now?
322
00:13:41,028 --> 00:13:42,988
I usually only give these
to sick kids, but..
323
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,531
You look like
you're in pretty bad shape.
324
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:48,910
Well, here we are!
325
00:13:49,202 --> 00:13:52,581
The score is 5-4,
Kaz's Auto Body in the lead!
326
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:56,126
Down to their final out
of the tournament,
327
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:59,046
Team "Zula's" last hopes
rest on Alex Kerkovich.
328
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:02,299
Who will be facing off against
Jane Kerkovich-Williams!
329
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,968
Wow, they're sisters.
I just found that out.
330
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,888
Hash tag:
"who knew they were sisters?"
331
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,648
Babu.
332
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:20,692
That should be my T-shirt.
333
00:14:20,984 --> 00:14:23,904
Featuring Alex Kerkovich!
334
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:26,823
Ruthless.
Just worthless.
335
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:28,950
Wait. That's a fair ball!
336
00:14:29,242 --> 00:14:31,703
You're out!
Game over!
337
00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:33,497
Somehow she didn't see
that pitch coming?
338
00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,832
And that's the ball game, folks!
339
00:14:36,124 --> 00:14:39,586
Kaz's Auto Body is going
to the championship game.
340
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:42,339
And I got to see female belly
for the first time
341
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:45,467
since my wife moved
into the second bedroom!
342
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:49,346
Ooh. Babu the Monkey.
I loved that show.
343
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:52,724
Hey, Lance Briggs.
Shut up!
344
00:14:53,016 --> 00:14:54,684
Come on, guys.
Even though it's over,
345
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:56,144
I don't wanna see
any long faces.
346
00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:57,562
We're Team Xela.
347
00:14:57,854 --> 00:14:59,022
We gotta pick our chins up.
348
00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:00,399
Max, are you crying?
Yeah.
349
00:15:00,690 --> 00:15:03,610
Turns out,
there is crying in kickball.
350
00:15:03,902 --> 00:15:06,196
God, I hate losing.
I hate it so much! It sucks!
351
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:08,698
And I hate being humiliated
by Jane.
352
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:11,910
Unless it's on my terms.
With a safe word.
353
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:13,453
And I screwed over Dave.
354
00:15:13,745 --> 00:15:15,914
I mean, what did Lance Briggs
even do for us?
355
00:15:20,168 --> 00:15:22,254
Well, you know, Robbie Gould,
the Bears' kicker,
356
00:15:22,546 --> 00:15:23,839
also goes to my gym.
What?
357
00:15:24,131 --> 00:15:25,507
We should have asked him, huh?
Yeah.
358
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,592
No. No, no, no.
No, no, no. This is on me.
359
00:15:27,884 --> 00:15:28,927
It was supposed to be about fun,
and I got drunk on winning.
360
00:15:29,970 --> 00:15:33,473
And I forgot what was important,
and now it's all over.
361
00:15:33,765 --> 00:15:35,058
It's not over.
What?
362
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:37,602
You guys are playing Ivanov
in the championship.
363
00:15:37,894 --> 00:15:38,979
Kaz's Auto Body got disqualified
364
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:40,647
for corking their sneakers
with steel.
365
00:15:40,939 --> 00:15:44,067
If you can't trust an auto body shop,
who can you trust?
366
00:15:44,359 --> 00:15:46,069
I turned them in to the league.
Really?
367
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:48,864
You said you wanted to, quote,
"taste sweet nectar of victory"
368
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:51,241
"because you were pretty sure
it'd taste like blood."
369
00:15:51,533 --> 00:15:52,617
"Human blood." Unquote.
370
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:53,952
Oh, it so does.
371
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:59,332
I wanna be ruthless with you,
not against you.
372
00:15:59,624 --> 00:16:02,669
Aw. Yay!
Team Xela is back together.
373
00:16:02,961 --> 00:16:04,171
Yay! I said Xela right.
374
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:15,348
Look, Dave, I feel terrible
about this Lance Briggs thing.
375
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,017
So I made you apology soup.
376
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,435
Is it the same recipe as
377
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:20,270
"I'm sorry
you saw my mom naked" soup?
378
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:22,022
Yep. Corn chowder.
I get it.
379
00:16:22,314 --> 00:16:23,857
You guys wanted to win.
380
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,485
Yeah, but I realized
that it's not about winning.
381
00:16:26,776 --> 00:16:28,778
It's about having fun
with your friends.
382
00:16:29,070 --> 00:16:31,114
So I want you
to come back tomorrow and play.
383
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:33,408
I can't do that.
You're that mad?
384
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:35,368
Look, I don't have time
to break out the slow cooker
385
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:37,787
and make apology pork loin
with a side of sorry glaze.
386
00:16:38,079 --> 00:16:39,998
I don't have that time.
I'm not mad.
387
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,585
Kickball is about friendship,
and I want my friends to win.
388
00:16:43,877 --> 00:16:45,962
So I'm gonna let Scotty
play for me tomorrow.
389
00:16:46,254 --> 00:16:48,256
But I will be there
supporting my team
390
00:16:48,548 --> 00:16:49,508
like a total badass.
391
00:16:49,799 --> 00:16:52,844
Really? High five.
392
00:16:53,136 --> 00:16:54,596
Oh, let's try it again.
393
00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:55,972
I got a piece of it.
394
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:36,012
Yikes.
395
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:38,348
It is the fifth
and final inning, folks.
396
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,685
Ivanov Nail Salon
leads 3 to nothing.
397
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:43,228
We're one out away
from finishing
398
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:44,896
this year's championship.
399
00:17:45,188 --> 00:17:48,692
Shammy has Kerkovich on 2nd,
Hartz on 1 st.
400
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:52,571
And that brings up
Brad Williams.
401
00:17:52,862 --> 00:17:55,240
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
402
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,033
Bunt Cake!
403
00:17:57,325 --> 00:17:59,786
I'm here! Yeah!
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
404
00:18:00,078 --> 00:18:02,414
All right, guys. Come on.
I gotta concentrate.
405
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:03,665
He is.
406
00:18:03,957 --> 00:18:05,750
Nauseous at this point.
407
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:09,921
Oh, in a page from the bambino.
408
00:18:10,213 --> 00:18:12,924
He is calling a home run...
No, wait!
409
00:18:13,216 --> 00:18:15,885
In a page from no one,
he is calling a bunt.
410
00:18:16,177 --> 00:18:19,097
In my 36 hours
of covering kickball, folks,
411
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:23,018
I've never seen anything
so confusing.
412
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,312
Here's the pitch!
413
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,525
Oh, my God.
He didn't bunt.
414
00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:32,652
He kicked a single.
415
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:35,113
Oh, my God!
It's the same result as a bunt!
416
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,700
But it feels so much better!
417
00:18:38,992 --> 00:18:40,285
Thank you!
Bases loaded.
418
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,788
All right, Scotty, you got this.
Go bring them home.
419
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,833
You got the right guy, Max.
I despise Soviets.
420
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,335
You know why?
Because they rendered
421
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:51,129
every single one
of my old globes obsolete.
422
00:18:51,421 --> 00:18:53,590
Okay, go get them.
Oh, my weak spine!
423
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:55,342
Oh! My weak knees!
424
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:58,261
I need steroids!
425
00:18:58,553 --> 00:19:01,139
Time out!
Jee-Ia, who you got?
426
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:03,767
Hey!
What?
427
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:05,226
Can you do this for me, D-town?
428
00:19:05,518 --> 00:19:07,562
Yeah.
No. No. Yeah.
429
00:19:07,854 --> 00:19:09,147
No, I can't.
430
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,191
Dave! Listen.
431
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,569
Stop blaming yourself for
hitting me. It was an accident.
432
00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:17,656
It'd be hard not to hit me.
Look at this melon.
433
00:19:17,947 --> 00:19:19,658
Even Tim Russert would be like,
"Damn, girl.
434
00:19:19,949 --> 00:19:22,327
"Your head's all swole up!"
It's so big.
435
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,329
All right. All right.
That's enough.
436
00:19:24,621 --> 00:19:27,582
Look, just stop putting so much
pressure on yourself, okay?
437
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:30,627
Kick it. Don't kick it.
Just have fun!
438
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:34,130
Yeah.
Thanks, guys.
439
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:37,425
Let's do this.
440
00:19:37,717 --> 00:19:38,843
Dave Rose?
441
00:19:40,303 --> 00:19:41,763
But he's terrible!
442
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:44,557
Look alive, baby! Big kick!
443
00:19:44,849 --> 00:19:46,309
The tension here is high.
444
00:19:46,601 --> 00:19:48,978
All right.
Here's the pitch.
445
00:20:05,578 --> 00:20:07,038
Oh!
446
00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,720
We won!
It is over!
447
00:20:22,011 --> 00:20:25,932
Ivanov wins the Northside
Kickball Classic!
448
00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:28,143
They lost.
Why are they celebrating?
449
00:20:30,019 --> 00:20:32,480
An inexplicable celebration
from Team Xela.
450
00:20:32,772 --> 00:20:34,941
Sorry, folks. I must be drunk.
I said their name wrong.
451
00:20:36,693 --> 00:20:39,028
Perhaps it's moral victory.
452
00:20:41,114 --> 00:20:42,365
Why?
453
00:20:44,284 --> 00:20:46,035
Why?
454
00:20:46,327 --> 00:20:47,287
Yeah!
455
00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,375
Do you ever see stuff
in the stars?
456
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,461
Sure do.
457
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,297
See right there
under Ursa Minor?
458
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:01,551
A wide receiver running a slant
as we drop into cover two.
459
00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:03,595
Oh, yeah.
Uh-hmm.
460
00:21:03,887 --> 00:21:05,847
What about up there?
461
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:08,266
Oh, right there
just above Orion's belt,
462
00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:11,936
I see an H-back
in spread formation.
463
00:21:12,228 --> 00:21:14,898
He's about to run a check down.
464
00:21:15,190 --> 00:21:17,901
What do you see?
I see a puppy.
465
00:21:18,193 --> 00:21:20,612
We are so in sync.
466
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:22,197
Agreed.
34693
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