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1
00:00:01,751 --> 00:00:03,753
Everybody's wondering
why I'm not drinking.
2
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,338
We haven't ordered yet.
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:06,797
And it's 2 in the afternoon,
4
00:00:07,089 --> 00:00:09,008
not an especially notable time
to not drink.
5
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,009
What can I get you, guys?
Vodka sodes.
6
00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:12,261
Car bomb.
Table keg.
7
00:00:12,553 --> 00:00:13,846
I'm good with water.
Thank you.
8
00:00:14,138 --> 00:00:16,265
So I just started
this super cleanse
9
00:00:16,557 --> 00:00:17,934
that I read about
on Teri Hatcher's Tumblr.
10
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:20,770
Apparently, sugar
is as addictive in animals
11
00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:22,146
as cocaine.
Wow.
12
00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:23,564
We really are
losing the war on drugs
13
00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,483
if animals are blowing rails.
14
00:00:25,775 --> 00:00:27,944
Anyways, T-Hatch says
you have to give up all sugars,
15
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,612
so, sadly, no alcohol.
16
00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,572
Pen, not to be rude,
I don't think
17
00:00:31,864 --> 00:00:34,700
you're gonna last a half hour
on this thing, you stupid idiot.
18
00:00:34,992 --> 00:00:36,327
Heh. Such a stupid idiot.
19
00:00:36,619 --> 00:00:39,038
Yuk, yuk, yuk it up,
because my body is a temple
20
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:41,791
and your bodies
are stadium urine troughs.
21
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,127
Oh.
Ah, water. The wettest treat.
22
00:00:45,419 --> 00:00:46,587
Hey. My body is a temple too.
23
00:00:46,879 --> 00:00:49,131
Here's your table keg.
24
00:00:49,423 --> 00:00:51,968
Damn it. I'm in.
Yay! I can't do anything alone.
25
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,595
Hey, what up, busters?
Whoa.
26
00:00:54,887 --> 00:00:56,597
Is that...? Could it be...?
27
00:00:56,889 --> 00:00:59,267
You look a little
like a friend we once had.
28
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:00,810
What was his name?
What was his name?
29
00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,061
What was his name?
30
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,354
Mornk?
Mornk.
31
00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:04,605
It was Mornk.
32
00:01:04,897 --> 00:01:06,232
We have not seen Mornk
in a while
33
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:08,359
since he got that serious
boyfriend and settled down.
34
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,194
Grant is not
my serious boyfriend,
35
00:01:10,486 --> 00:01:13,072
and we are not settling down,
okay?
36
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,074
We're just two dudes
that party hard
37
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,243
and sometimes pass out
in the same general vicinity.
38
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:18,744
Then where's Grant now?
39
00:01:19,036 --> 00:01:20,997
He's parking the car.
He dropped me off
40
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,040
because we're sharing
this cute toggle-button coat.
41
00:01:23,332 --> 00:01:24,792
Crap. Damn it.
42
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:27,003
Are you at least gonna come
to Dave's thing tonight?
43
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:29,755
Yeah, I wouldn't miss it.
What thing are we talking about?
44
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,340
Dave got
his mobile liquor license
45
00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:33,676
and he's turning his truck
into a speakeasy
46
00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:36,262
and serving
old-fashioned cocktails.
47
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:37,680
Ha. What?
48
00:01:39,765 --> 00:01:42,727
But seriously, though,
Dave has a lot of stupid ideas.
49
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,478
I call it the boxer thong.
50
00:01:44,770 --> 00:01:46,856
Business in the front,
51
00:01:47,148 --> 00:01:48,316
party in your rear.
52
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:50,693
Guys, I'm changing my name
to Dustin.
53
00:01:50,985 --> 00:01:53,404
Alex, will you marry me?
54
00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,448
Let's just hope Dave
doesn't get too depressed
55
00:01:55,740 --> 00:01:58,034
tonight when he crashes
and burns again.
56
00:01:58,326 --> 00:01:59,577
Wow.
57
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:01,454
Whoa!
58
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:05,249
Guys, can you believe this?
No, we can't.
59
00:02:05,541 --> 00:02:07,960
Whore's bath?
Uh, yeah, David,
60
00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:09,670
I did take a whore's bath, okay?
61
00:02:09,962 --> 00:02:11,797
I had a one-night stand,
didn't have time to shower.
62
00:02:12,089 --> 00:02:13,841
So did I rub
dryer sheets on my pits
63
00:02:14,133 --> 00:02:15,259
and splash some water on my hush
64
00:02:15,551 --> 00:02:17,178
in the bathroom
of an Au Bon Pain?
65
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,556
Yes, I did. I'm sorry that
I'm a modern-day single woman
66
00:02:20,848 --> 00:02:22,892
who enjoys sex
as much as a man. Sue me.
67
00:02:23,184 --> 00:02:24,810
I meant the drink, Whore's Bath.
68
00:02:25,102 --> 00:02:26,103
It's gin-based.
69
00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:27,813
Oh.
70
00:02:28,105 --> 00:02:29,273
No, thank you.
I am on a cleanse.
71
00:02:29,565 --> 00:02:31,067
I haven't had sugar
in four days.
72
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:32,318
Well, that probably explains
73
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,986
the Sandra Bernhard
one-woman show
74
00:02:34,278 --> 00:02:35,863
you just screamed in our faces.
75
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:37,114
Round of Whore's Baths.
76
00:02:37,406 --> 00:02:38,741
Heh-heh.
Yeah.
77
00:02:50,753 --> 00:02:54,340
Hey, thanks for staying back
and helping me clean, J-spot.
78
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,801
Drunk Jane
loves a good cleaning.
79
00:02:57,093 --> 00:02:58,260
Should have seen me
on New Year's.
80
00:02:58,552 --> 00:02:59,637
I was fall-down mopping.
81
00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,348
I know. I was there.
82
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,016
Ah... Oop.
All right.
83
00:03:04,308 --> 00:03:06,560
I'm just gonna get...
I'll just get at this glass.
84
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:11,273
Hi.
Hi.
85
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,364
Bitch, it is 5:30!
86
00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,991
Wait a second.
Hmm?
87
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:22,284
Who'd you have
a sex dream about?
88
00:03:22,576 --> 00:03:25,413
What? I did not have a...
89
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,416
Oh, dream of sex? I...
90
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:30,793
I did not have
one of them damn things.
91
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:34,630
I think I know your "wake up
from a dream" gasps by now,
92
00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:37,133
All right? There's the: "Ah!
Oh, it's the last day of school
93
00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,759
and I wish there were
more days of school."
94
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:40,428
There's: "Oh! I'm being
chased by an outfit
95
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:41,846
that's too matchy-matchy."
96
00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,681
And then finally:
97
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:46,183
"Uh! Sex dream."
98
00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:49,478
Fine. It was Dave.
99
00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:51,605
Okay.
It doesn't mean anything.
100
00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,233
Fact, you can't have
a sex dream about someone
101
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:56,861
unless deep down inside,
you're attracted to that person.
102
00:03:57,153 --> 00:04:00,364
Um, didn't you have a sex dream
about Fran Sinclair,
103
00:04:00,656 --> 00:04:02,533
the mom dinosaur
on the TV show Dinosaurs?
104
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,243
Exactly.
105
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,746
Yeah, okay.
106
00:04:07,037 --> 00:04:08,205
Hey, Dave.
107
00:04:08,497 --> 00:04:09,957
Hey, man.
What's going on?
108
00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:12,752
Depends who's asking.
I am.
109
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,837
Where's Jane?
Why do you wanna know?
110
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:16,797
Whoa. Guy, come on.
111
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:19,341
What is that smell?
112
00:04:19,633 --> 00:04:21,135
It's my Busch.
113
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:22,887
It's the new fragrance
by Kyle Busch.
114
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:25,014
Smells great.
115
00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:27,308
Thanks.
116
00:04:32,813 --> 00:04:35,274
Bitch, it is 5:40.
117
00:04:37,568 --> 00:04:39,236
Hey, Al. What are you doing?
118
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:41,238
I'm taking this cleanse
to the next level.
119
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:44,074
Sugar's obvious, but there are
so many other poisons
120
00:04:44,366 --> 00:04:45,993
that we have been
ingesting over the years.
121
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:49,038
Gluten, corn syrup, this poison.
122
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:52,041
Have you been eating that?
One time by mistake.
123
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,501
I thought
it was my pirate cereal.
124
00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:55,461
They do look alarmingly similar.
125
00:04:55,753 --> 00:04:57,713
One day off sugar,
and I already feel great.
126
00:04:58,005 --> 00:05:00,257
Watch how high I can jump.
127
00:05:00,549 --> 00:05:03,469
Oh, wow. Nice ups.
128
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:07,348
Well, the cleanse is making me
feel pretty great me-self.
129
00:05:12,269 --> 00:05:13,938
Hey, Pen.
130
00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:15,314
What you up to?
Nothing.
131
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,817
Just getting a breath of fresh.
132
00:05:18,108 --> 00:05:19,944
Are you sure you're okay, Penny?
133
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,946
What? Yeah. Fine.
Why do you ask?
134
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:24,406
Because you're wearing pajama
jeans, pedicure flip-flops,
135
00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:26,575
and you're on the verge
of tears.
136
00:05:26,867 --> 00:05:27,952
I will have, you know,
137
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:29,870
that these are not pajama jeans.
138
00:05:30,162 --> 00:05:32,957
These are pajoveralls.
139
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,333
They make those?
140
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,804
Max, why are you trying
to sneak out?
141
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,098
We're dating.
142
00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:50,474
Why are you naked?
143
00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:52,184
I think you know
why I'm naked, bud.
144
00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:54,770
Come have some coffee.
I made a frittata.
145
00:05:55,062 --> 00:05:56,480
I don't wanna settle down,
Grant.
146
00:05:56,772 --> 00:06:00,276
This isn't settling down, Max.
This is breakfast.
147
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:03,612
Then what is a frittata?
It's kind of like an egg pizza.
148
00:06:04,822 --> 00:06:07,491
Pizza, you say?
Mm-hm.
149
00:06:07,783 --> 00:06:09,785
Color me intrigued.
150
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,121
Thank you.
Yeah.
151
00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:13,581
Mm.
152
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:17,334
Oh, my God.
Dave is so hot right now.
153
00:06:17,626 --> 00:06:19,879
What? Dave's not hot at all.
Not sexy in any way.
154
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,130
Gross.
Ew.
155
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:22,631
Ugh!
Blech!
156
00:06:22,923 --> 00:06:24,383
I mean hot as in successful.
157
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,552
He's getting tons of press.
158
00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:29,430
Oh.
You guys are being really weird.
159
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,682
Jane, give me another smell
of your sandwich.
160
00:06:31,974 --> 00:06:33,017
Come here.
161
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,061
Oh, that's the ticket.
Hey, Brad.
162
00:06:36,353 --> 00:06:37,980
Be a dear.
Chew up a bite of your sandwich
163
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,398
and blow it into my mouth.
164
00:06:39,690 --> 00:06:41,692
Pen, I think this cleanse
is making you...
165
00:06:41,984 --> 00:06:44,528
Okay, fine.
If you won't shut up about it.
166
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,155
Mmm.
167
00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:47,406
You know what?
You happy now, Dad, okay?
168
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,700
You want me
to drink some booze too?
169
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,702
Is that what you want, miss?
Mmm.
170
00:06:51,994 --> 00:06:53,996
You know what?
Tough love, both of you.
171
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:55,748
Respect the hell out
of you guys.
172
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,000
Please don't tell Alex. Please.
173
00:06:58,292 --> 00:06:59,835
Guys, it's all happening.
I am a hit.
174
00:07:00,127 --> 00:07:02,880
Okay, don't look,
but Colin Hanks is here.
175
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:06,133
Shaun Brumder from the movie
Orange County is at my truck.
176
00:07:06,425 --> 00:07:07,843
It's happening.
Aah!
177
00:07:08,135 --> 00:07:11,055
You don't get to touch me.
What? Oh, gotta buzz.
178
00:07:11,347 --> 00:07:12,598
Colin's running on empty.
179
00:07:12,890 --> 00:07:14,850
I hope I don't call him Tom
by mistake.
180
00:07:15,142 --> 00:07:16,602
Wish me luck.
Good luck.
181
00:07:16,894 --> 00:07:19,021
Hmph!
What is going on with you two?
182
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:22,066
We have to tell her.
Oh, I agree.
183
00:07:22,358 --> 00:07:24,026
Penny, this isn't easy
for us to say,
184
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:26,612
but I'm not actually black.
185
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:28,238
This is just a giant mole.
186
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:29,657
Okay, no.
187
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:32,826
We had sex dreams about Dave.
188
00:07:33,118 --> 00:07:34,745
What?
He's like our brother. Gross.
189
00:07:35,037 --> 00:07:36,455
You don't even know how gross.
190
00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,874
It was probably just
a weird one-time thing.
191
00:07:39,166 --> 00:07:41,126
And now that we've said it,
it'll never happen again.
192
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,008
Hmm...
193
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:54,390
Babe. No sleeping.
It's not safe.
194
00:07:54,682 --> 00:07:56,725
Wake yourself up.
195
00:07:57,017 --> 00:07:58,143
Oh, my God, you guys.
196
00:07:58,435 --> 00:07:59,937
I had a sex dream
about Dave last night.
197
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:03,649
So did we, and it was even
more graphic this time.
198
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:05,234
He made me keep my heels on.
199
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:07,027
Mine was that scene
in Varsity Blues.
200
00:08:07,319 --> 00:08:08,862
Instead of winning
the championship,
201
00:08:09,154 --> 00:08:09,488
Dave had sex with me repeatedly.
202
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:11,991
How is that like Varsity Blues?
203
00:08:12,282 --> 00:08:14,034
Jon Voight was coaching us.
I don't want your life.
204
00:08:14,326 --> 00:08:17,538
Well, mine
was disgustingly graphic too.
205
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:21,291
Dave.
206
00:08:21,583 --> 00:08:23,627
Penny.
207
00:08:23,919 --> 00:08:26,630
Will you marry me?
Oh, David, yes, yes.
208
00:08:26,922 --> 00:08:28,549
Yes! A million times, yes!
209
00:08:31,510 --> 00:08:34,054
Ugh. Just filthy.
210
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:36,140
And not at all revealing
of my subconscious desires.
211
00:08:36,432 --> 00:08:37,975
Do you guys realize
what's happening?
212
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,227
What?
Dave is Freddy Kruegering us
213
00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:43,147
in our dreams with sex.
214
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,983
Yo, guys.
215
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,860
What do you think of this
sweater?
216
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:50,112
It's from Colin Hank's new
clothing line. I might invest.
217
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:52,114
Stop undressing you
with my eyes.
218
00:08:52,406 --> 00:08:54,575
Why are you guys acting weird?
Ha, ha. We're not.
219
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,160
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
220
00:08:56,452 --> 00:08:58,370
I think I know
what this is about.
221
00:08:58,662 --> 00:09:00,247
You do?
Yeah.
222
00:09:00,539 --> 00:09:03,000
You guys think that just because
I'm on this crazy rocket ride
223
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:05,377
that I'm gonna forget you.
Well, I'm not.
224
00:09:05,669 --> 00:09:07,546
Even when I'm invited
to awesome parties thrown
225
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,299
by Scott Storch or the guy that
started American Apparel.
226
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:12,092
Ew. What?
Yeah.
227
00:09:12,384 --> 00:09:13,802
Yeah. Right, guys?
228
00:09:14,094 --> 00:09:15,929
That... That's exactly
why we're acting weird.
229
00:09:16,221 --> 00:09:18,474
You nailed me. It. It.
230
00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:21,101
Look, guys. Come on. Why don't
you swing by the truck tonight?
231
00:09:21,393 --> 00:09:22,561
We're having a little
B-day soiree for Colin.
232
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:25,064
I'll toss you up on the list.
233
00:09:25,355 --> 00:09:26,899
Come on. Group hug.
234
00:09:30,986 --> 00:09:32,738
I'll catch up
with you guys tonight. Bye.
235
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:40,287
Oh, food, how I have missed you.
236
00:09:40,579 --> 00:09:42,956
Hey. Pen, you home?
237
00:09:43,248 --> 00:09:45,584
I found out some more stuff
we can stop eating.
238
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,256
Oh, and I signed us up
for a mini triathlon,
239
00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:53,050
so if anyone asks,
we're dwarves.
240
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:58,180
Penny?
241
00:09:59,473 --> 00:10:01,517
Penny?
242
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:04,520
Penny?
243
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:17,449
Oh, hello, Alexandra.
Hello, Penelope.
244
00:10:17,741 --> 00:10:19,409
How's it going?
Great.
245
00:10:19,701 --> 00:10:21,995
Healthy. A little exhausted
from not wavering
246
00:10:22,287 --> 00:10:25,124
from our cleanse at all ever,
but you know that game. Whoo!
247
00:10:25,415 --> 00:10:27,960
I am exhausted.
Gonna nap out. Peace.
248
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:31,296
Oh. No worries. Hey.
249
00:10:32,756 --> 00:10:34,716
Can I borrow
that sweater I love?
250
00:10:35,008 --> 00:10:36,343
Oh, that sweater? That's...
251
00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:38,470
Oh, no. You know,
that is at the cleaners,
252
00:10:38,762 --> 00:10:41,515
the one that exploded,
so got to get new cleaners.
253
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,183
Night-night.
Wait a minute.
254
00:10:44,476 --> 00:10:45,727
I think I saw it under the bed.
255
00:10:46,019 --> 00:10:48,438
Hang on. if you don't mind.
256
00:10:55,362 --> 00:10:58,991
Penny, you are so busted.
257
00:11:01,285 --> 00:11:03,495
I knew you had my
My Morning Jacket jacket.
258
00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,040
Guilty. Lock me up.
Ha-ha!
259
00:11:07,332 --> 00:11:08,375
You live and you learn.
260
00:11:08,667 --> 00:11:09,710
That's a lot for you
to think about
261
00:11:10,002 --> 00:11:11,170
while you leave my room.
262
00:11:11,461 --> 00:11:13,172
Are you sure
you're feeling okay?
263
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:14,590
You look a little flushed.
264
00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,216
Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm just, you know...
265
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:17,843
It's hot in this piece.
Heh-heh.
266
00:11:18,135 --> 00:11:20,596
Well, turn the fan on, dummy.
267
00:11:25,058 --> 00:11:26,560
I'm not proud of that.
268
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:32,107
Well, my life is in shambles.
269
00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:34,443
Oh, whoa.
Max, hold your horses.
270
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,612
Why?
There's syrup over the floor.
271
00:11:36,904 --> 00:11:38,322
And those look nice.
Thanks.
272
00:11:38,614 --> 00:11:40,073
Grant won them for me
at Six Flags
273
00:11:40,365 --> 00:11:41,909
as part of our marathon day
of togetherness,
274
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,995
which also included a
wine tasting at My Cousin Vino,
275
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:47,331
his-and-his massages
and some light cowguying.
276
00:11:47,623 --> 00:11:50,125
It was, like, the most
relationship-y day ever,
277
00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:52,085
and the worst and weirdest part,
278
00:11:52,377 --> 00:11:53,503
I loved it.
279
00:11:53,795 --> 00:11:55,547
Max, it's okay.
280
00:11:55,839 --> 00:11:57,090
Look, why don't you
just stop fighting it
281
00:11:57,382 --> 00:11:58,926
and start enjoying yourself?
282
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,677
You said the same
about Krippendorf's Tribe
283
00:12:00,969 --> 00:12:02,262
and now it's one
of my favorite movies.
284
00:12:02,554 --> 00:12:04,097
Ooh! Floor bacon.
285
00:12:04,389 --> 00:12:05,474
Oh, you know what?
286
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:07,100
It's just a loose moccasin.
287
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:08,810
Hello, filthies.
288
00:12:09,102 --> 00:12:11,396
Look who I ran into at my new
favorite vegan eatery,
289
00:12:11,688 --> 00:12:13,273
Cafe Thankful.
Avi.
290
00:12:13,565 --> 00:12:14,775
Namaste, Penny.
291
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:17,027
Turns out
we're both into cleanses.
292
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:18,862
My cleanse is pretty next-level.
293
00:12:19,154 --> 00:12:20,364
I'm only eating clear foods,
294
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,783
and I've given up
all sexual intimacies.
295
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:25,285
That's right, y'all.
Avi's celibate.
296
00:12:25,577 --> 00:12:27,329
Are you sure
that's a choice, Avi?
297
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:30,290
Good dig, but jealousy
is not a sweatpant
298
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:31,541
that fits you well.
299
00:12:31,833 --> 00:12:33,752
- Burn!
- Oh, yeah.
300
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,837
Oh. Please, don't touch me.
301
00:12:36,129 --> 00:12:37,422
I'll explode like a water bottle
302
00:12:37,714 --> 00:12:39,007
on cross country flight
to Albuquerque.
303
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:40,467
Where's that flight from?
JFK.
304
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:41,760
Get out of my bedroom.
305
00:12:45,430 --> 00:12:48,225
Um, Max, do you wanna
talk about something?
306
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:51,687
Yeah. Yeah, I think we need
to talk about something.
307
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,523
You're a great guy.
I love staying in with you.
308
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:56,483
Like, I love it a lot all,
and I just...
309
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:57,776
I don't know,
I wanted to tell you.
310
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,487
Thanks. I...
I like it too.
311
00:13:00,779 --> 00:13:02,698
And this is weird to say,
312
00:13:02,990 --> 00:13:05,617
but I could maybe see us
having some kind of future
313
00:13:05,909 --> 00:13:08,328
and moving in together
down the line
314
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,372
into some cool place,
like a converted brewery,
315
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:13,083
that's still a working brewery.
And I don't know,
316
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:14,835
doing something dumb
like get married
317
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:16,378
and having a couple dumb kids.
318
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,798
Heh.
I could picture that too.
319
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:24,720
Except the, um, kids part.
I don't want kids.
320
00:13:25,012 --> 00:13:26,972
Oh, you don't?
321
00:13:27,264 --> 00:13:31,059
L... No. It's just
not my thing, you know?
322
00:13:31,351 --> 00:13:33,645
You want kids?
323
00:13:36,064 --> 00:13:37,649
I mean...
324
00:13:38,942 --> 00:13:40,235
I don't know.
325
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,864
This morning,
I didn't want frittatas.
326
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,657
Now if you told me
I could never have one again,
327
00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:47,576
I'd kill you in a cold blood
assassin-style.
328
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:50,370
I didn't realize that maybe
you wanted kids someday.
329
00:13:50,662 --> 00:13:52,122
Maybe I want kids someday.
330
00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:53,457
Maybe I want kids someday?
331
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:54,750
Maybe I do want kids someday.
332
00:13:55,042 --> 00:13:56,585
Maybe I want kids someday?
333
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,879
I definitely want frittatas.
Where are your frittatas at?
334
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,548
Max, it's...
It's a leather couch.
335
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,425
Oh, you got it
at Crate and Barrel 2.
336
00:14:06,928 --> 00:14:09,264
So you're all having
sex dreams about Dave?
337
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:11,016
I mean, he's like our brother.
338
00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,351
You had sex with him on and off
339
00:14:12,642 --> 00:14:13,810
for a good 10 years.
340
00:14:14,102 --> 00:14:16,688
Fair point.
Good luck with all of that.
341
00:14:16,980 --> 00:14:18,273
Is that din-din?
Yeah.
342
00:14:18,565 --> 00:14:20,150
Ever since she started
rolling with Avi's crew,
343
00:14:20,442 --> 00:14:21,485
all she eats is pills
and powders.
344
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:23,612
Sounds like my Vegas diet.
345
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:24,988
If I take Tuesday before Monday,
346
00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,448
I will die instantly,
347
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:28,158
but if I take Tuesday
on Monday with Thursday
348
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,659
I could probably dunk on 10.
349
00:14:29,951 --> 00:14:31,328
Has Penny told you
about my jumping?
350
00:14:31,620 --> 00:14:32,788
I told them you're losing it.
351
00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,082
Penny, judgments
are the gluten of thoughts.
352
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,501
I'm going to hang out
with Avi's crew. He gets me.
353
00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:41,630
How is she the only one not
having sex dreams about Dave?
354
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:43,882
It's like, what is she doing
different than us?
355
00:14:45,675 --> 00:14:48,470
The cleanse. No booze.
356
00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:50,597
This all started
with Dave's drinks.
357
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,682
Right, because I didn't have
a dream at first.
358
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:55,477
But then I gave up the cleanse,
and then I had one immediately.
359
00:14:55,769 --> 00:14:58,563
Yes! Ha, ha!
Thank God! Whoo!
360
00:14:58,855 --> 00:14:59,898
Okay.
361
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,358
It's the drinks, guys.
362
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:03,360
It's just the drinks.
Oh, man.
363
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:04,778
I mean,
I had no doubt whatsoever,
364
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:07,197
but still, I mean, yes!
365
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,490
Whoo!
366
00:15:09,783 --> 00:15:10,992
Hey, um...
Ahem, um...
367
00:15:11,284 --> 00:15:13,328
Oh, right. Oh, these drinks?
Yeah.
368
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:15,163
I got it. Yeah. I got it.
That one.
369
00:15:15,455 --> 00:15:17,791
Well, this is all too weird.
370
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,543
Too weird.
Let's get out of here.
371
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:21,336
Let's get out of here.
Right on that.
372
00:15:21,628 --> 00:15:22,838
Maybe you wanna
put the drink where...
373
00:15:23,130 --> 00:15:24,589
Well, just a little bit.
Okey-dokey.
374
00:15:24,881 --> 00:15:27,134
Colin, you're gonna
love my entourage, man.
375
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:29,094
By the way, I'm kind
of the Shaun Brumder
376
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:30,846
of my group, so... Nice.
377
00:15:31,138 --> 00:15:33,515
Wait. What?
378
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,142
Wow, they left?
379
00:15:35,434 --> 00:15:37,394
Dave, listen to me.
380
00:15:37,686 --> 00:15:39,104
There are two things
I always say.
381
00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:41,565
One, "Yes, that Hanks."
382
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:46,236
And second,
"Fame doesn't really change you.
383
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:47,779
It changes your friends."
384
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:50,365
You're so right, Hanks.
385
00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:53,452
Go and brush your shoulders off.
386
00:15:53,743 --> 00:15:57,789
You got new friends now
like me and my intern Beans.
387
00:15:58,081 --> 00:15:59,249
Yo, man. I'm Beans.
Hey.
388
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,126
Hey. Do you have any cocaine?
Pfft!
389
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:03,295
Please.
390
00:16:03,587 --> 00:16:04,629
Uh...
391
00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:09,259
I don't know, Pen.
I'm in a real pickle.
392
00:16:09,551 --> 00:16:11,928
What, your super hot boyfriend
loves you too much,
393
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,722
wants to get married
and have hell of babies?
394
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,474
Yeah, everything
except the babies part.
395
00:16:15,765 --> 00:16:17,142
Grant doesn't want kids.
396
00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,186
That's perfect.
You hate kids.
397
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:22,606
Well, I don't know.
What?
398
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:24,858
I said, what?
Look, Pen, you know me.
399
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,277
I mean, we've made love.
Ew.
400
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:28,862
I think you mean "ugh-amazing."
401
00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:31,448
Anyway, there are two types
of guys in this world.
402
00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,408
One guy who makes
a detailed calendar
403
00:16:33,700 --> 00:16:34,784
of everything they're gonna do
404
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:36,286
for the next five years
of their life.
405
00:16:36,578 --> 00:16:37,954
And the other
who draws weird penises
406
00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:40,165
on said calendar
just to piss calendar guy off.
407
00:16:40,457 --> 00:16:43,210
What are you saying?
I don't know. It freaks me out
408
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,045
that Grant knows for sure
he doesn't want kids.
409
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:47,547
Or that he knows for sure what
he's gonna do with his future.
410
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:50,467
So what are you gonna do?
We had a long talk last night
411
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:53,386
for, like, five hours,
and he's going away
412
00:16:53,678 --> 00:16:55,096
to do some architecturing
for a month,
413
00:16:55,388 --> 00:16:56,723
though I suggested
that we take a break
414
00:16:57,015 --> 00:16:58,350
till we figure things out.
415
00:16:58,642 --> 00:17:01,102
Wow. Max, suggesting
that you take a break
416
00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:02,604
because you want
different things?
417
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,814
That is so grown-up of you.
418
00:17:05,106 --> 00:17:06,858
Proud of you.
419
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:09,444
Oh, shut up, Pennis.
No, it's not.
420
00:17:09,736 --> 00:17:10,904
Would a grown-up do this?
421
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,698
Ugh. No.
422
00:17:16,409 --> 00:17:17,661
Oh. They want you
to put that away.
423
00:17:17,953 --> 00:17:19,663
Okay, people.
424
00:17:19,955 --> 00:17:24,042
It is time to take our cleanse
to the next level.
425
00:17:24,334 --> 00:17:27,087
Tonight we eliminate
all colored beverages.
426
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,588
Yes.
427
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:30,006
And all solid foods.
428
00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:33,969
But first,
we orgy till we cramp.
429
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:37,222
Wait. Uh, what?
430
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:40,183
Ugh. Ooh, you know,
I got a thing.
431
00:17:40,475 --> 00:17:41,601
Mmm.
432
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:49,943
So Max,
where's your serious boyfriend?
433
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:51,069
Oh, you know what?
Um...
434
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,030
Ugh. We kind of broke up.
435
00:17:54,322 --> 00:17:55,615
What? Come on, man.
What?
436
00:17:55,907 --> 00:17:58,535
- Yeah. You know, um...
- Say it ain't so.
437
00:17:58,827 --> 00:18:01,997
Actually, it's a... There...
It's a funny... Funny story.
438
00:18:02,289 --> 00:18:03,248
You know, there are two...
439
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,417
Two types of...
Of guys in this world.
440
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,711
There are... Okay, so Grant
441
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,463
told Max that he wanted
to have kids and settle down,
442
00:18:10,755 --> 00:18:12,591
so Max drop-kicked his dinner
443
00:18:12,882 --> 00:18:14,134
and then said,
"I gotta feed the meter"
444
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,844
and never came back.
445
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:18,138
Classic Max.
446
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:19,973
- Classic me.
- We love that guy.
447
00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:21,349
I'm gonna miss Grant.
448
00:18:23,059 --> 00:18:24,561
Oh, you guys
still hang out here.
449
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:26,229
That's strange and interesting.
450
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:27,606
Well, I guess
since we're all here,
451
00:18:27,897 --> 00:18:29,774
I just wanted to say
452
00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:31,610
no hard feelings about you guys
453
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:33,320
ditching out on me
the other night.
454
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,488
I've been having a great time
hanging with Colin.
455
00:18:37,073 --> 00:18:38,366
Hanks.
456
00:18:38,658 --> 00:18:40,201
Yeah, we know.
Everyone knows his last name.
457
00:18:40,493 --> 00:18:42,037
You know, he said
the funniest thing to me
458
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,455
about my rocket ride.
459
00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,498
He said, "David,
fame does not change you.
460
00:18:45,790 --> 00:18:47,042
It changes your friends."
Oh, my God.
461
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:48,752
We've been having
sex dreams about you.
462
00:18:49,044 --> 00:18:51,463
And you are not a gentleman
in them.
463
00:18:51,755 --> 00:18:54,090
You guys have been having those
disgusting dreams too?
464
00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:55,967
Yes.
Ech!
465
00:18:56,259 --> 00:18:59,679
Really? You guys have been
having sex dreams about me?
466
00:18:59,971 --> 00:19:01,389
I guess that makes sense.
467
00:19:01,681 --> 00:19:03,308
I do exude a bit of a raw,
unbridled...
468
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,268
Dude,
we are not attracted to you.
469
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,395
You are like
a gross brother to us.
470
00:19:07,687 --> 00:19:09,898
You're like a man to me,
which I am not into.
471
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,232
I am extremely into men,
472
00:19:11,524 --> 00:19:12,651
but ones
that are not at all you.
473
00:19:12,942 --> 00:19:13,902
All right. Okay, I get it.
474
00:19:14,194 --> 00:19:15,362
The only reason
we had those dreams
475
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:17,155
is because of the drinks
on your truck.
476
00:19:17,447 --> 00:19:19,074
That's why Alex is the only one
who didn't have one.
477
00:19:19,366 --> 00:19:20,659
What is in those things?
478
00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:23,411
That's ridiculous.
Turpentine.
479
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:25,789
Anyway, you guys
aren't really mad
480
00:19:26,081 --> 00:19:27,582
about this rocket ride thing,
right?
481
00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,584
No, we're mad
you keep saying "rocket ride."
482
00:19:29,876 --> 00:19:31,670
But we're thrilled
for your success.
483
00:19:31,961 --> 00:19:33,254
I know. I'm sorry.
Hey,
484
00:19:33,546 --> 00:19:35,048
hang out with Colin
anytime you want.
485
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,467
You know we love you. Always.
Thanks.
486
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:39,552
I really missed you guys, plus...
487
00:19:39,844 --> 00:19:42,722
Colin Hanks,
he's a lot to handle.
488
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:46,142
So it's me, Justin Hoffman,
and Frank Caliendo.
489
00:19:46,434 --> 00:19:47,977
And we're down in Tucson
490
00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:50,146
because we're starring
in the new Hangover video game.
491
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:52,232
And Caliendo goes to order
492
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,652
the spicy tuna crispy rice,
and bang!
493
00:19:55,944 --> 00:19:57,862
He falls right into the jacooz.
494
00:19:58,154 --> 00:20:00,699
Classic Caliendo.
True that.
495
00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:04,828
Oh, God.
Oh, wow.
496
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,746
He wants me to move
to Tampa with him.
497
00:20:08,456 --> 00:20:10,250
Dave? Are you here?
498
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:14,212
Hello?
Hi.
499
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,297
Hey, buster.
Where is everybody?
500
00:20:16,589 --> 00:20:17,966
Oh, funny you should ask.
501
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:20,552
Turns out I may have been
a fad after all.
502
00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:21,928
Check it out.
503
00:20:22,220 --> 00:20:24,681
Oh, rough!
504
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:26,057
Aw, don't worry about it.
505
00:20:26,349 --> 00:20:27,809
I still wanna try one
of those drinks
506
00:20:28,101 --> 00:20:31,396
everyone's talking about
or used to be talking about.
507
00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:32,939
Yeah.
Well, aren't you afraid
508
00:20:33,231 --> 00:20:34,899
you might have
a sex dream about me?
509
00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:36,693
Eh, I think I'll be fine.
510
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,486
All right.
511
00:20:38,778 --> 00:20:40,113
- There's yours.
- Yes.
512
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:43,366
More importantly, here is mine.
513
00:20:43,658 --> 00:20:46,327
Here you go.
Thank you.
514
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:49,164
Whoa, whoa. Take it easy.
That's a 95-proof drink.
515
00:20:50,874 --> 00:20:52,876
Whoo!
I haven't had a drink in weeks.
516
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:55,879
Hit me again.
All right. It's your funeral.
517
00:20:57,088 --> 00:20:59,591
Oh, come on.
518
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:02,051
Hey. I'm sorry.
I said I was sorry.
519
00:21:02,343 --> 00:21:05,013
No, no. Knock it off.
520
00:21:20,111 --> 00:21:22,947
Thank God.
It was just a dream.
521
00:21:25,366 --> 00:21:26,534
Oh, boy.
37793
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