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1
00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:05,463
It's a balmy
eight degrees outside.
2
00:00:05,755 --> 00:00:07,840
Inside, we're at the top
of the 99th inning
3
00:00:08,132 --> 00:00:09,342
during the longest winter ever
4
00:00:09,634 --> 00:00:12,011
and this announcer
is one more snow flurry away
5
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,721
from harming himself and others.
6
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:15,097
Shut up and pitch.
7
00:00:15,389 --> 00:00:18,726
Here it comes.
She's got nothing.
8
00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:33,866
I got it.
9
00:00:35,701 --> 00:00:36,953
Off my hams.
Ground rule double.
10
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,204
Grand slam!
11
00:00:40,581 --> 00:00:43,459
He's been there the whole time?
Yeah, he's been there for weeks.
12
00:00:43,751 --> 00:00:45,002
He gets so depressed
during the winter
13
00:00:45,294 --> 00:00:46,879
he goes into full
hibernation mode.
14
00:00:47,171 --> 00:00:48,214
He won't leave the house.
15
00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,674
He won't shave.
He won't shower.
16
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,050
He won't even speak.
Watch this.
17
00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:55,012
Hey, buddy, we're gonna go ahead
and throw out all your old wigs.
18
00:00:57,056 --> 00:00:58,099
You know what this means, right?
19
00:00:58,391 --> 00:00:59,976
The conditions are perfect
20
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:01,727
for Brad and Jane's
annual fight.
21
00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:04,397
You think?
Yeah, Max is a bear.
22
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,857
It's freezing out
and my skin is so dry,
23
00:01:07,149 --> 00:01:08,859
it's got a British accent.
24
00:01:09,151 --> 00:01:11,654
May I have
some more, please? Lotion?
25
00:01:11,946 --> 00:01:13,197
- Ugh.
- Whatever.
26
00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:14,824
Dogs, I'm playing hurt.
27
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:16,534
Oh, my God.
Pen, you're right.
28
00:01:16,826 --> 00:01:21,289
Are you ready for the Brad
and Jane spring smackdown?
29
00:01:21,581 --> 00:01:22,915
I'm ready for no more
announcer voice.
30
00:01:23,207 --> 00:01:25,501
Yeah, me too.
I wonder what will set them off.
31
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:28,421
It'll be something important,
like last year.
32
00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:31,340
You don't grate the rind
off the Parmesan.
33
00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:33,175
You get new Parmesan!
34
00:01:33,467 --> 00:01:35,303
It is perfectly good cheese!
35
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:38,472
Well, your hair looked
way better long!
36
00:01:44,186 --> 00:01:46,522
I can't wait.
Really?
37
00:01:46,814 --> 00:01:49,317
Because I hate when they fight.
It just means spring's coming.
38
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,152
It's like our Groundhog Day,
39
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:53,821
if the groundhog
was one part blond overachiever
40
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:56,157
with control issues
and a fondness for formal shorts
41
00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:58,159
and one part Brad.
42
00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,578
Food's here.
Sorry we're late.
43
00:02:00,870 --> 00:02:02,580
Brad insisted on Brazilian,
44
00:02:02,872 --> 00:02:05,124
which takes way longer
than his normal bikini wax.
45
00:02:05,416 --> 00:02:08,252
Anyway, we got Thai.
It's called a bro-zilian.
46
00:02:08,544 --> 00:02:09,837
Nobody calls it a bro-zilian.
47
00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:11,547
Yeah, next thing
you're gonna tell me
48
00:02:11,839 --> 00:02:13,883
is there's no such thing
as a scroatee.
49
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,219
Babe, did you forget
the Sriracha sauce?
50
00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:18,971
No. I got it right here.
51
00:02:20,806 --> 00:02:21,766
But you only got one.
52
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:24,852
You know what?
53
00:02:26,395 --> 00:02:28,773
I don't need all that spice.
54
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,858
Just need a little sugar.
55
00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:32,735
They're not fighting.
They're kissing.
56
00:02:33,027 --> 00:02:35,237
No, no.
They could be angry kissing.
57
00:02:37,531 --> 00:02:39,325
Nope.
They're normal kissing.
58
00:02:55,466 --> 00:02:58,427
Bye, Brad. Bye, Jane.
Great seeing you guys.
59
00:02:58,719 --> 00:03:00,179
I don't get it.
Why weren't they fighting?
60
00:03:00,471 --> 00:03:02,682
I know. They had
so many opportunities.
61
00:03:02,973 --> 00:03:05,434
Brad accidentally spit-laughed
on Jane three times,
62
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:07,269
although, in fairness,
63
00:03:07,561 --> 00:03:09,897
Alex, your drunken chipmunk
impression is hilarious.
64
00:03:10,189 --> 00:03:12,233
Thanks. It's just a variation
on my Renée Zellweger.
65
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,694
Guys, what if spring smackdown
doesn't happen?
66
00:03:14,985 --> 00:03:16,487
What are we gonna do with these?
67
00:03:16,779 --> 00:03:19,407
Oh, my God, cute.
So cute.
68
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:21,826
But I don't want them to fight
just so we can wear cute shirts.
69
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:23,494
It's not just
about the T-shirts,
70
00:03:23,786 --> 00:03:25,371
though it should be
because they are so cute.
71
00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,707
So cute.
This is about Brad moving in,
72
00:03:27,998 --> 00:03:29,500
and us helping him
work through anger
73
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:32,461
by letting him buy us things
like steak and bottle service.
74
00:03:32,753 --> 00:03:35,339
We get to say cool things like
"ball out" and "crush it"
75
00:03:35,631 --> 00:03:37,049
and I don't have to be ashamed
about wearing
76
00:03:37,341 --> 00:03:38,634
my calf-length leather duster.
77
00:03:38,926 --> 00:03:40,511
You should.
I'm just not there yet.
78
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:42,680
This is about douche week,
and I love it.
79
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:45,015
Jane comes and stays with me,
which is awesome
80
00:03:45,307 --> 00:03:46,809
because I get to help her
81
00:03:47,101 --> 00:03:50,146
with guy problems for once
because I'm always the mess
82
00:03:50,438 --> 00:03:51,689
and she's always
the together one.
83
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,315
What world is she
the together one?
84
00:03:53,607 --> 00:03:54,900
She polishes her fax machine.
85
00:03:55,192 --> 00:03:57,778
We hang out. We drink wine.
I heal her.
86
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,489
And this year,
I even bought us all fiowy pants
87
00:04:00,781 --> 00:04:02,742
from Angela Bassett's
new line of flowy pants:
88
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,452
Bassett by Angela
forAngela Bassett.
89
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,204
Al, we really need this, okay?
Especially Max.
90
00:04:07,496 --> 00:04:08,748
Douche week is the only thing
big enough
91
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:10,416
to get him out
of hibernation mode.
92
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:13,544
Dave, he's not actually a bear!
Unh?
93
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,004
In his defense,
94
00:04:15,296 --> 00:04:16,922
he does eat honey like that
year-round. But still.
95
00:04:17,214 --> 00:04:19,049
Dave, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
96
00:04:19,341 --> 00:04:20,926
Yeah.
Me too.
97
00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:22,261
I'm also thinking that.
Let's say it at the same time.
98
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,598
Do we have to say it?
Shh. I got it.
99
00:04:25,890 --> 00:04:27,558
We gotta make
spring smackdown happen!
100
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,393
Make spring smackdown happen!
101
00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:31,270
Yes.
102
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,939
Brad and Jane are not fighting
naturally. We can't force it.
103
00:04:34,231 --> 00:04:36,984
It's bad juju bees.
You want spring to come or not?
104
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:39,195
Spring will come no matter what.
Will it?
105
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,739
Brad, question for you.
106
00:04:42,031 --> 00:04:44,241
I'm planning a bachelor party
for a friend.
107
00:04:44,533 --> 00:04:46,494
I was wondering if you could
recommend a good strip club
108
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,330
since your nickname
is Mr. Strip-Club.
109
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:50,706
Mr. Strip-Club?
110
00:04:50,998 --> 00:04:53,250
That is shocking
and offensive, right, Jane?
111
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:55,795
Sorry, I haven't been
to a boob bar in forever.
112
00:04:56,086 --> 00:04:58,589
When you did, it was shocking
and offensive, right, Jane?
113
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,090
Ah, no.
114
00:05:00,382 --> 00:05:02,218
Jane loves a good strip club.
She loves them.
115
00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:05,513
In fact, Brad, why don't
we hit up a jiggle joint now,
116
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,265
check out some peelers?
I am the opposite of out.
117
00:05:08,557 --> 00:05:10,434
In! Ha-ha-ha!
118
00:05:10,726 --> 00:05:12,102
Give me your phone.
I will call Taters,
119
00:05:12,394 --> 00:05:13,646
see if we can get a table
by the omelet bar.
120
00:05:13,938 --> 00:05:15,731
Mm. Gross. Ha-ha-ha.
121
00:05:16,023 --> 00:05:17,274
In a good way.
Yeah.
122
00:05:17,566 --> 00:05:19,235
Okay.
123
00:05:19,527 --> 00:05:21,862
When did you become Facebook
friends with your ex-girlfriend?
124
00:05:22,154 --> 00:05:23,823
Why are you reading
my private messages?
125
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:26,617
Why are you having
private messages with Megan?
126
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,452
What are you writing
that I can't read?
127
00:05:28,744 --> 00:05:30,246
I am writing
none of your business.
128
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,957
I don't ask what you're writing
to Jamaal or Malik.
129
00:05:33,249 --> 00:05:34,834
Or L'Dwaynian!
Well, good.
130
00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:38,170
Yeah?
Because you do not wanna know!
131
00:05:38,462 --> 00:05:40,631
Jane.
Oh!
132
00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,758
You don't know
what I don't want to know!
133
00:05:43,050 --> 00:05:45,135
- Yes.
- You get back here!
134
00:05:45,427 --> 00:05:46,762
Don't know what
I don't want you to.
135
00:05:47,054 --> 00:05:48,347
We barely had to say anything.
136
00:05:48,639 --> 00:05:50,182
Just had to give them
a little nudge.
137
00:05:50,474 --> 00:05:52,393
You think it's a little nudge,
but watch out.
138
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:54,228
It could be just like
The Butterfly Effect.
139
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,063
That one little movie
led to Ashton Kutcher
140
00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:57,731
doing a lot of bad movies.
141
00:05:58,023 --> 00:06:00,484
Wow. Ooh, they're really
going at it. Yes.
142
00:06:00,776 --> 00:06:01,360
Yeah. Gotta see this.
143
00:06:02,403 --> 00:06:05,698
- Jane is really mad.
- It's happening.
144
00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,741
You think they're buying it?
Totally buying it.
145
00:06:08,033 --> 00:06:09,243
I haven't faked
something that hard
146
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:11,120
since I told your mother
I celebrate Kwanzaa!
147
00:06:11,412 --> 00:06:13,414
By the way,
you look great in kente cloth.
148
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,457
- This is wrong.
- This is what we needed.
149
00:06:15,749 --> 00:06:17,418
When you said they needed
the spring smackdown,
150
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:19,378
I thought you were crazy,
but you were right.
151
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:22,214
They are begging for it
in there.
152
00:06:22,506 --> 00:06:25,134
It's so sad that we're evolving,
but our friends are not.
153
00:06:25,426 --> 00:06:28,262
By the way, good acting.
You really seem angry.
154
00:06:28,554 --> 00:06:31,348
I am angry. I'm angry
you're not naked right now.
155
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:34,852
I wanna see them things!
156
00:06:35,144 --> 00:06:37,855
Whoa. This might be
their worst fight ever.
157
00:06:38,147 --> 00:06:39,690
That can was disgusting.
158
00:06:39,982 --> 00:06:42,192
I'll wash those gloves
as soon as we get home.
159
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:45,029
Oh, thank you! I appreciate
everything you do for me!
160
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,447
Hey!
Hey!
161
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:47,406
Should we switch
to paperless billing?
162
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,743
I don't think
that I'm ready for that.
163
00:06:51,035 --> 00:06:53,996
I like having a hard copy
for my records.
164
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:57,124
Whatever happened to Hard Copy?
I liked that show.
165
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,919
It was a viable alternative
to A Current Affair!
166
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,047
Ugh! I love you!
Ugh! I love you!
167
00:07:03,339 --> 00:07:05,049
I love you!
See you at the house.
168
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,051
In bed.
Naked.
169
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,013
Spring smackdown is on.
170
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:14,975
Oh, my God. Cute.
Super cute. So cute.
171
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:22,524
Hey, girl. Oh, my God.
How are you?
172
00:07:22,816 --> 00:07:23,442
Super not great, right?
173
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:26,153
Poor thing.
174
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:30,199
Oh, you can
tell Penny everything.
175
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:35,537
Oh, it has been
rough, yeah. Rough stuff.
176
00:07:35,829 --> 00:07:37,247
Get on over here, baby girl.
177
00:07:37,539 --> 00:07:40,209
Because Penny is gonna
make it all better, okay?
178
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,920
Let me tell you, the pinot
and the pants are a-fiowing.
179
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,463
The Brie is a-baking.
180
00:07:44,755 --> 00:07:47,174
It's time to stop waiting
and start exhaling.
181
00:07:47,466 --> 00:07:49,885
Let's settle in.
Okay.
182
00:07:50,177 --> 00:07:52,304
Now tell me,
how mad are you at Brad?
183
00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:54,890
And to what degree of shambles
would you say your life is in?
184
00:07:55,182 --> 00:07:58,894
Um, lots.
A lot of shambles.
185
00:07:59,186 --> 00:08:02,022
Yeah.
I mean, I am so mad at Brad.
186
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:05,442
I mean, it's like,
I am so mad at that guy.
187
00:08:07,194 --> 00:08:08,821
That feels good to get that
off my chest.
188
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:10,698
Yeah.
Thank you, Penny.
189
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:12,741
I'm gonna go unpack my suitcase.
No!
190
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:15,869
Jane, I see you,
and I know you're hurting.
191
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:18,622
It's time to get out of those
feelings and into some Brie.
192
00:08:18,914 --> 00:08:20,916
Alex, Brie!
Hello.
193
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,669
Where are the flowy pants?
They facilitate conversation.
194
00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:26,171
You know, I'm actually
kind of talked out.
195
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:28,674
Whoa, get back here.
Yeah. You know what, Penny?
196
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:30,884
I will wear the pants
when Jane wants to talk,
197
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:34,054
and it seems like she doesn't,
so you guys have fun.
198
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:36,223
I just got the Criterion
Collection of Clueless,
199
00:08:36,515 --> 00:08:38,934
so I'll see you guys later.
I hope not sporadically.
200
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:42,104
Great, Al. Okay. Brad basically
has a second family on Facebook
201
00:08:42,396 --> 00:08:43,564
and you want to watch Clueless.
202
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:45,566
It actually kind of sounds fun.
203
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,110
What?
Yeah.
204
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,112
Oh. Okey-doke,
you know what?
205
00:08:50,404 --> 00:08:52,698
Why don't we, instead
of talking about Brad,
206
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:54,324
let's watch Clueless and have,
207
00:08:54,616 --> 00:08:55,701
like, an old-school sleepover.
208
00:08:55,993 --> 00:08:57,327
No.
Yes.
209
00:08:57,619 --> 00:08:59,371
Like when we were little
before we cared about guys
210
00:08:59,663 --> 00:09:01,290
and how blindingly angry
they make us.
211
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:03,042
Yes! A slumber party!
212
00:09:03,333 --> 00:09:05,544
We'll order pizza,
have strawberry milk.
213
00:09:05,836 --> 00:09:07,296
We'll play M*A*S*H.
I get to be Hawkeye.
214
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,964
Yes. I might
215
00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:11,050
put a little bit of vodka
in my strawberry milk,
216
00:09:11,341 --> 00:09:13,427
but, yes, that is
what I'm talking about.
217
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,055
My only concern is that
maybe those old sleepovers
218
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:17,931
weren't as great
as we thought they were.
219
00:09:18,223 --> 00:09:19,975
Like, didn't it always
kind of seem like
220
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:22,895
maybe somebody would
get left out?
221
00:09:23,187 --> 00:09:25,147
And, like, sometimes some people
222
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:27,816
would always break into the
sisters-only gibberish language
223
00:09:28,108 --> 00:09:31,111
that, like, um, somebody else
couldn't understand?
224
00:09:31,403 --> 00:09:33,697
What are you talking about?
Please don't do it.
225
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:43,332
Now you're iggy-hurting my-giddy
226
00:09:43,624 --> 00:09:45,250
figgidy-feelings. Gadings.
227
00:09:45,542 --> 00:09:47,961
I'm sorry.
I didn't understand that.
228
00:09:48,253 --> 00:09:49,922
Mm-mm.
That wasn't a real language.
229
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:56,136
What?
230
00:10:03,727 --> 00:10:05,813
Guess who's ready
for the lobster mash
231
00:10:06,105 --> 00:10:09,066
and sour cream bacon biscuits
at the Chophouse, baby?
232
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:10,651
This guy.
233
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:12,694
Sorry, abs.
Daddy's gotta live a little.
234
00:10:12,986 --> 00:10:14,279
Hello, Blade.
235
00:10:14,571 --> 00:10:16,573
Max, Brad's gonna take us
to the Chophouse.
236
00:10:16,865 --> 00:10:17,991
You want to clean up
and get ready
237
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,868
for the nice restaurant?
Eh?
238
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,663
You know, I was thinking,
that place is so expensive.
239
00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,623
It's freezing outside.
240
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:27,459
Plus, last time, the waitress
was kind of racist to me.
241
00:10:27,751 --> 00:10:29,002
Let's just skip the Chophouse.
242
00:10:29,294 --> 00:10:30,879
Huh?
243
00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:33,340
Besides, that pizza Max has
smells really good.
244
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,300
What happened to working out
your anger with Jane
245
00:10:35,592 --> 00:10:36,802
by recklessly spending
your money
246
00:10:37,094 --> 00:10:39,763
on things like
stretch Hummers and steak
247
00:10:40,055 --> 00:10:41,557
and rinkside seats
to the Ice Capades?
248
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:43,392
I thought I'd switch it up
this year.
249
00:10:43,684 --> 00:10:44,852
You know I love a good capade.
250
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,354
I love a capade too.
I know you do.
251
00:10:47,646 --> 00:10:50,440
But this year, I am so angry
252
00:10:50,732 --> 00:10:52,359
that I don't even want
that slender dragon
253
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:55,112
to get the satisfaction
of seeing me rage-spend,
254
00:10:55,404 --> 00:10:57,614
so let's just rage-chill
instead,
255
00:10:57,906 --> 00:10:59,032
get caught up on Downton Abbey.
256
00:10:59,324 --> 00:11:00,659
No, but if we don't go out
257
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,286
we'll never get Max
out of bear mode.
258
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,329
Why you want him to?
You get to live with a bear
259
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:06,331
that sounds like Tim Allen.
260
00:11:06,623 --> 00:11:08,417
See? Ha-ha!
261
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:11,378
Hey! Hey! Put that down.
Leave it.
262
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:14,089
Leave it.
263
00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:16,550
Look at him.
He just wants to get that meat.
264
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,970
Hey! Get!
Oh, don't poke the bear, baby.
265
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:21,513
Get! Get!
266
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,724
You don't poke the bear.
That's illegal.
267
00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:31,064
Hey, Pen, what's going on?
268
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:31,690
Oh, you know, standard.
269
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,193
Just cleaning up
from a slumber party,
270
00:11:34,484 --> 00:11:36,486
some light dusting, dishes,
271
00:11:36,778 --> 00:11:39,364
chipping my unmentionables
out of the freezer.
272
00:11:41,325 --> 00:11:44,745
The Kerkovich sisters pulled
the frozen bra trick on me,
273
00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:47,039
the old ice chest.
274
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:52,336
Burn. Freezer burn.
Yes. Suck it.
275
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:55,255
So I take it that spring
smackdown hasn't been going
276
00:11:55,547 --> 00:11:57,883
as you were hoping, either.
I don't know, Dave.
277
00:11:58,175 --> 00:11:59,551
Did I hope I would pee my bed?
278
00:11:59,843 --> 00:12:01,929
Because I did, straight
through to the box spring.
279
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:05,599
Ha-ha! That's what you get
for falling asleep first.
280
00:12:05,891 --> 00:12:07,392
Suck a million.
281
00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:09,811
Yeah, it's been no picnic
at my place, either.
282
00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:11,521
Brad refuses to ball out at all
283
00:12:11,813 --> 00:12:13,982
and he's been no help
in getting Max out of bear mode.
284
00:12:14,274 --> 00:12:17,903
Ho-ho-ho! Look at him.
Oh, Mr. Bear.
285
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:19,446
Oh, he's so wobbly.
286
00:12:22,699 --> 00:12:23,659
Here.
287
00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:27,162
Put this on your head
like a hat.
288
00:12:31,541 --> 00:12:33,502
He's so cute.
289
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,087
Can I keep him?
290
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,505
Something's wrong, Dave.
291
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:38,715
Spring smackdown is not working.
292
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:41,343
I mean, we're not having
any of our usual fun
293
00:12:41,635 --> 00:12:43,136
and it's still so cold.
294
00:12:43,428 --> 00:12:44,930
I know.
Where is spring?
295
00:12:45,222 --> 00:12:46,723
I don't know. It's so weird.
What's happening?
296
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,477
It's The Butterfiy Effect.
What's that?
297
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,355
That's so funny. I was just
talking about this movie
298
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,357
the other night and now it's on.
299
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,819
Spring smackdown isn't working
because you forced the fight.
300
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:00,779
And by making that little change
301
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:04,074
it's having a bunch of these
weird, rippling consequences.
302
00:13:04,366 --> 00:13:05,951
They should really
have a term for that.
303
00:13:06,243 --> 00:13:08,996
It's the butterfly effect.
Are you not listening to me?
304
00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,622
I'm the one
that just told you it was on.
305
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:12,124
No, that's what the term...
306
00:13:12,416 --> 00:13:13,583
Shh. It's starting.
307
00:13:13,875 --> 00:13:15,544
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
308
00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:18,755
She really marches to the beat
of her own very slow drummer.
309
00:13:19,047 --> 00:13:22,175
Sweet, sweet, little bird.
But she's right.
310
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:25,637
There has been something off
about the fight this year.
311
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,431
By the way, congrats on those.
312
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:31,476
Aw.
313
00:13:34,646 --> 00:13:36,064
I missed you, boo bear.
314
00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:38,567
Fake fighting with you
is so hot.
315
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:39,818
I love all this sneaking around.
316
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:43,447
We are the best.
Even when we don't need a fight,
317
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:46,325
we can put on an amazing fight
just to make other people happy.
318
00:13:46,616 --> 00:13:48,160
I know.
We're like Don King.
319
00:13:48,452 --> 00:13:49,619
Except instead of Thrilla
in Manila,
320
00:13:49,911 --> 00:13:51,913
it's Thrilla in Vanilla.
321
00:13:52,205 --> 00:13:54,916
I'm vanilla.
Yeah, you are.
322
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:05,010
Oh! Why is it
freezing in here?
323
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:06,845
Because you left
the terrace doors open.
324
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:10,265
Um, no, I didn't.
I didn't do that.
325
00:14:10,557 --> 00:14:11,808
Well, I didn't leave them open.
326
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,477
Why are you giving me
accusing eyes?
327
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:16,104
I'm not giving you
accusing eyes.
328
00:14:16,396 --> 00:14:18,815
Now I'm giving you
accusing eyes.
329
00:14:19,107 --> 00:14:21,068
I'm not the one who goes out
on the terrace to stretch
330
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,487
because "the perv across
the way needs to eat too."
331
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:26,823
I am not the one who thinks
it's hilarious to go out there,
332
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:28,450
and scream
"Good morning, Chicago,"
333
00:14:28,742 --> 00:14:30,952
like Robin Williams
every single morning.
334
00:14:31,244 --> 00:14:33,288
Well, sorry that like
Robin Williams,
335
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,540
my enthusiasm is infectious.
336
00:14:35,832 --> 00:14:38,627
Well, all I know
is that I would never...
337
00:14:38,919 --> 00:14:40,045
Oh, my God. Bird.
338
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:42,172
Are you having a stroke?
It's Brad.
339
00:14:42,464 --> 00:14:43,715
Bird.
340
00:14:44,007 --> 00:14:45,467
Oh. Bird.
341
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,887
That is definitely your fault.
You're a bird magnet.
342
00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:01,525
I can't help it.
They're attracted to my cologne.
343
00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,403
That's because it contains
trace amounts of night crawlers!
344
00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:05,987
It's Japanese!
345
00:15:06,279 --> 00:15:09,157
It's weird!
Why won't you listen to me?
346
00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:12,035
So now I don't listen to you?
You never listen.
347
00:15:12,327 --> 00:15:13,912
That's because
you can't stop talking.
348
00:15:14,204 --> 00:15:16,873
Well, your hair
looked better long.
349
00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:19,042
Oh, no, you didn't!
350
00:15:19,334 --> 00:15:20,836
Yes, I didn't did.
Okay.
351
00:15:21,128 --> 00:15:24,923
Okay.
Oh, spring smackdown is on!
352
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:26,425
It is on!
353
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:32,097
Pen, you should probably
check your messages.
354
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,516
What are you laughing about?
Nothing, I just...
355
00:15:34,808 --> 00:15:36,351
You should check your messages.
356
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:37,894
I'm pretty sure
you got a message.
357
00:15:38,186 --> 00:15:40,772
Oh, look. I have three
missed calls from Penis.
358
00:15:41,064 --> 00:15:42,607
Why?
359
00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:44,818
Because all my contacts
have been changed to Penis.
360
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:47,237
Who would do that?
That's so mean.
361
00:15:47,529 --> 00:15:48,822
Yeah, it is.
362
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,533
I need your help.
Brad and I got in a huge fight.
363
00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:52,868
What do you mean "just"?
364
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:54,411
The Megan Facebook thing
was yesterday.
365
00:15:54,703 --> 00:15:56,496
Yes.
366
00:15:56,788 --> 00:15:58,582
You keep a good timeline,
367
00:15:58,874 --> 00:16:00,542
but that is nothing
compared to the fight
368
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,794
that we just had about him
leaving the door open.
369
00:16:03,086 --> 00:16:05,630
What? Leaving the door open
is worse than corresponding
370
00:16:05,922 --> 00:16:07,757
with your ex-girlfriend
who is a yoga pants model
371
00:16:08,049 --> 00:16:10,051
and who lists her hobbies
as breathing through her nose
372
00:16:10,343 --> 00:16:12,137
and competitive swallowing?
373
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:13,722
Sorry, I'm friends with her
on Facebook.
374
00:16:14,014 --> 00:16:15,390
She has the funniest updates.
375
00:16:15,682 --> 00:16:18,810
Yeah, she, you know,
upon further investigation,
376
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,521
is a really sweet girl,
a really nice...
377
00:16:21,813 --> 00:16:24,274
There was no
Megan Facebook thing.
378
00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,026
Yeah. We knew you needed
spring smackdown,
379
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,570
so Brad and I faked a fight
for you.
380
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:29,946
What?
What?
381
00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:31,865
What?
What?
382
00:16:32,157 --> 00:16:34,367
I know.
It's so arrogant.
383
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:37,245
Like we have ever
in any way implied
384
00:16:37,537 --> 00:16:39,122
that we need their fight.
Wait.
385
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:41,666
And now Jane's asking me
for my help,
386
00:16:41,958 --> 00:16:44,836
like I can just put on those
flowy pants any time I want to.
387
00:16:45,128 --> 00:16:47,797
You do have them in your purse.
Yeah, for emergencies, okay?
388
00:16:48,089 --> 00:16:49,174
But that is not the point.
389
00:16:49,466 --> 00:16:50,842
I don't even
wanna help them now.
390
00:16:51,134 --> 00:16:53,094
Me neither.
391
00:16:53,386 --> 00:16:56,223
Ugh. Great. I threw out
an old piece of cake,
392
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,391
and I forgot to wrap it
in plastic.
393
00:17:03,813 --> 00:17:05,941
And Pooh Bear transition
complete.
394
00:17:06,233 --> 00:17:08,568
Look, whether you guys
like how we got here or not,
395
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:10,195
spring smackdown is happening.
396
00:17:10,487 --> 00:17:11,988
We need to help Brad and Jane.
397
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,407
Otherwise Max will stay a bear,
and spring will never come.
398
00:17:14,699 --> 00:17:16,660
Al, spring will come either way.
399
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,411
Will it? Huh?
400
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:19,871
Will it?
401
00:17:23,416 --> 00:17:25,544
Why is it so freezing in here?
402
00:17:25,835 --> 00:17:28,213
I don't know.
Ask "Tuppence A Bag"?
403
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:31,049
Jane left the doors open
and refuses to close them.
404
00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,468
I'm not closing them because
I did not leave them open.
405
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,345
And I am not cold because
406
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:37,847
I am warmed by the heat
of my convictions.
407
00:17:38,139 --> 00:17:41,184
I'm not cold, either.
In fact, I might lose a layer.
408
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,563
Well, two can play at that.
409
00:17:46,439 --> 00:17:48,275
Maybe try the other hand.
Yeah.
410
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:51,111
Stupid.
Let me just get these pants off.
411
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,906
Okay. Okay. No.
Dr. Penny is gonna operate.
412
00:17:55,198 --> 00:18:00,078
It is time for a little
open-Hartz, ding, surgery.
413
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,289
I'm gonna save that
for another time and place.
414
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,500
Here's what I'm gonna do.
I am gonna take these two doors
415
00:18:05,792 --> 00:18:08,545
and I'm going to put them
back together like so.
416
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:11,756
Look how much stronger they are
after being apart.
417
00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:15,135
Those doors belong together.
Get it?
418
00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,845
You guys are the doors,
and you're fighting
419
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:18,179
about something really stupid.
420
00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:21,933
Boo, I'm sorry.
421
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,854
Maybe I left the doors open.
422
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:29,566
No, maybe I... Maybe I did.
It doesn't matter.
423
00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:31,234
I love you.
I love you.
424
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:36,448
Oh, they're normal kissing.
Oh, my God.
425
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:39,200
Great relationship advice
finally given.
426
00:18:39,492 --> 00:18:40,952
Thank you, Angela Bassett.
427
00:18:41,244 --> 00:18:43,288
It is the power of the pants,
bam.
428
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:47,751
He's fine.
429
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,919
Everyone ready?
430
00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:52,255
Oh, yeah.
Let's do this.
431
00:18:52,547 --> 00:18:53,673
Now, be careful.
432
00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,550
He's very protective
over his cubs.
433
00:18:58,178 --> 00:18:59,596
They're signed
by Mandy Patinkin.
434
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:00,972
He sat next to us at a game.
435
00:19:01,264 --> 00:19:02,515
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
436
00:19:02,807 --> 00:19:04,392
You're being ridiculous.
He is not a real bear.
437
00:19:08,104 --> 00:19:09,648
Max! Max!
438
00:19:09,939 --> 00:19:12,025
Spring smackdown is over.
Spring is here.
439
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:14,152
Brad's gonna take us all
to the Chophouse.
440
00:19:15,570 --> 00:19:18,198
Okay. Let's do it.
441
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,158
Free steak for daddy.
Might get two steaks.
442
00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,952
- I'm proud of you.
- No problem.
443
00:19:23,244 --> 00:19:25,455
It's good to see you, buddy.
It's good to see you too.
444
00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:29,209
Uh, wait, so I'm taking
all six of us to the...?
445
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:30,543
Chophouse!
446
00:19:30,835 --> 00:19:32,420
I didn't know I was taking
all of us.
447
00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:34,631
Hey, maybe we should
split entrées, you know?
448
00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:36,716
Think about appetizers
or desserts.
449
00:19:37,008 --> 00:19:39,636
Nobody get anything market price
because that's how they get you.
450
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,721
Chophouse!
451
00:19:42,013 --> 00:19:45,266
Oh, guys,
I don't wanna pay for all of us!
452
00:19:47,977 --> 00:19:49,938
You feel that sun on your face?
453
00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:51,940
Mm. So nice.
454
00:19:52,232 --> 00:19:53,608
Spring's a-comin'.
455
00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:56,653
They say by tomorrow
it might even get up to 22.
456
00:19:58,446 --> 00:20:01,324
Whoo! Wow, looking good.
Hey, now.
457
00:20:01,616 --> 00:20:04,035
Oh. What an ordeal.
458
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:05,662
That is the last time
I administer
459
00:20:05,954 --> 00:20:07,122
an at-home bro-zilian.
460
00:20:07,414 --> 00:20:08,832
Speaking of which,
we need more duct tape.
461
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:10,625
Noted.
You're sore, huh?
35087
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