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1
00:00:02,502 --> 00:00:03,753
Yes!
I cannot wait
2
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,546
for Valentine's Day to be over.
3
00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:08,466
Things with that guy, Reed,
are not great at best.
4
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,968
But I can't break up with him
until I'm out of the window.
5
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:12,762
The window?
Yeah, the breakup window.
6
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,264
The period of time
around major events and holidays
7
00:00:15,556 --> 00:00:17,099
when you can't dump someone.
8
00:00:17,391 --> 00:00:18,559
I made that mistake once.
9
00:00:18,851 --> 00:00:20,269
Dumped a girl too close
to her grandpa dying.
10
00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:22,772
It's like, "Beep, beep, beep."
11
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,525
"Beep! I'm out!"
12
00:00:25,816 --> 00:00:27,068
I ran.
13
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,778
So now I have to wait
a whole week.
14
00:00:29,070 --> 00:00:30,404
Yet you're still gonna bleed him
15
00:00:30,696 --> 00:00:32,073
for the fancy dinner
and the present.
16
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,324
Yeah, for his sake.
17
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,868
The guy is just really annoying.
18
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,161
He's a winker.
19
00:00:37,453 --> 00:00:39,997
You have got the softest skin.
20
00:00:40,289 --> 00:00:42,041
Wait. Wait.
I do have the softest skin
21
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,626
or I don't have
the softest skin?
22
00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:45,127
The wink is making it unclear.
23
00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,798
It is very soft.
It's like butter.
24
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:51,050
And I know
because I'm comparing right now.
25
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:53,344
Weird.
26
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:54,971
I had this exact same dream
last night,
27
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,473
only it wasn't butter.
28
00:00:57,765 --> 00:00:59,225
Well, I've got to get
to getting.
29
00:00:59,517 --> 00:01:01,644
Planning some Valentine's Day
surprises for my Jane.
30
00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,063
Are you kidding?
You can't surprise that woman.
31
00:01:04,355 --> 00:01:05,314
Birthday.
32
00:01:05,606 --> 00:01:07,608
Surprise!
33
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:12,697
Did you think
we were trying to attack you
34
00:01:12,989 --> 00:01:14,323
with a birthday cake?
35
00:01:14,615 --> 00:01:16,242
Hell of a party.
Hell of a party.
36
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:19,078
Look, guys, I know my wife.
I got it covered.
37
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:20,955
Before you go, I wanna confirm
38
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,832
that everyone'll be using
my limousine services
39
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:24,125
for Valentine's night.
40
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,668
It's a big cash grab for daddy.
41
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,503
Dave, can I pencil you in
for an 8:00 pickup?
42
00:01:27,795 --> 00:01:30,006
Not gonna be needing daddy.
I'll be staying in.
43
00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,674
Consider yourself penciled.
Nope.
44
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:34,719
I will be preparing
a five-course meal for Lindsay.
45
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,345
Ooh.
The crazy sex girl?
46
00:01:36,637 --> 00:01:37,722
You know it!
47
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,223
And if the sex is crazy
on a regular day,
48
00:01:39,515 --> 00:01:42,226
imagine what the V.D. sex
is gonna be like.
49
00:01:42,518 --> 00:01:44,145
V.D. sex!
50
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:47,148
Boom! Boom! Boom!
51
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,567
I get it. You're not bumping
because I said V.D.
52
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,902
No, we're not bumping you
because we're not Howie Mandel.
53
00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:53,154
High five!
No.
54
00:01:53,446 --> 00:01:54,488
Handshake!
I don't like it.
55
00:01:54,780 --> 00:01:55,865
How about a high school
jock-nod?
56
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,825
Okay.
I can do that.
57
00:01:58,117 --> 00:02:00,077
Yo!
58
00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,748
Yo. Yo.
Yo, yo!
59
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,666
Yo, my man. Yo!
What up, Goldberg?
60
00:02:15,843 --> 00:02:18,012
I love St. Valentine's Day.
61
00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:20,264
You know, Valentine's Day
was invented by corporations
62
00:02:20,556 --> 00:02:21,766
just to get people to buy stuff.
63
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:24,518
Come on, Jane.
You have no holiday spirit.
64
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,646
You said the same thing
about St. Patrick's Day
65
00:02:26,937 --> 00:02:29,857
and Vienna Beef
presents National Hot Dog Day.
66
00:02:30,149 --> 00:02:31,651
That is not a real holiday.
67
00:02:31,942 --> 00:02:32,943
It was on a calendar.
68
00:02:33,235 --> 00:02:35,279
Printed on a place mat.
69
00:02:35,571 --> 00:02:37,865
At a hot dog stand.
All right, you win.
70
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,368
But Saint Valentine is real.
71
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,787
It's a myth.
Valentinius Valentine
72
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,289
was a 9th-century
Prussian martyr
73
00:02:45,581 --> 00:02:46,874
who, after being ordained
74
00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,960
at Saint Stanislaus Church
in Schleswig-Holstein,
75
00:02:50,252 --> 00:02:52,546
roamed the Black Forest
in search of his long-lost love,
76
00:02:52,838 --> 00:02:54,382
Arbenus Sibonchka.
77
00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:57,093
Wow, when you're actually
interested in something,
78
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,678
you're kind of scary.
79
00:02:58,969 --> 00:03:02,431
Not as scary as what the Romans
did to Saint Valentine.
80
00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:06,185
Hint, they ripped him
tip to taint.
81
00:03:06,477 --> 00:03:08,145
But if you believe in him,
he will help you find love.
82
00:03:08,437 --> 00:03:10,106
And this year,
he's gonna help me.
83
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:11,190
One of my favorite customers
invited me
84
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:13,859
to a St. Valentine's Day
singles party.
85
00:03:14,151 --> 00:03:15,444
Yeah.
86
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,655
I bet you are gonna find
the man of your dreams at...
87
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:20,491
"Captain Danny's Balls
to the Wall."
88
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,535
"V-Day Keg Race
in Little Chechnya."
89
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,286
You never know.
No.
90
00:03:24,578 --> 00:03:26,205
So have you decided
what sweet, sweet limo package
91
00:03:26,497 --> 00:03:27,790
you're gonna grab for V-Day?
92
00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,334
I got the Lovers' Package.
That's $69.
93
00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:32,169
I got the Romance Package.
That's $69.
94
00:03:32,461 --> 00:03:35,005
I got the Fantasy Package.
So they're all $69?
95
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:38,008
No. The Spa Package
happens to be more expensive.
96
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:39,927
I thought we agreed
that one didn't work.
97
00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:43,973
Whoa!
98
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:48,728
Buddy, that is the finest
mobile spa experience
99
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,521
you're gonna have for $169.
100
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,022
You guys mind?
I'm on a call.
101
00:03:52,314 --> 00:03:55,276
It's our apartment.
Shh! Hey, Reed!
102
00:03:55,568 --> 00:03:58,487
I know, I'm so bummed
I can't see you until V-Day.
103
00:03:58,779 --> 00:04:00,823
No, I'm not.
No, she's not.
104
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:03,492
Tonight? Ooga-booga!
Does not work, unfortch.
105
00:04:03,784 --> 00:04:06,120
I'm too busy picking out
the perfect present for you.
106
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:07,913
No, I'm not.
No, she's not.
107
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,458
Tomorrow? Oh, I hate this.
I've got a friend in town.
108
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,002
What friend?
No, she doesn't.
109
00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:14,920
Okay. Bye.
I feel bad for that guy.
110
00:04:15,212 --> 00:04:16,797
He's probably planning
this great night for you,
111
00:04:17,089 --> 00:04:18,716
and you're stringing him along
until you dump him.
112
00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:22,845
What? No. No, I'm just
respecting the breakup window.
113
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:25,181
And I bought him
a very cute scarf.
114
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:26,265
Oh, Lindsay and I were supposed
to go to see a movie.
115
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:28,976
But she just canceled.
That's cool.
116
00:04:29,268 --> 00:04:31,228
Gives me time
to design our V-Day menu.
117
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,398
You know I'm gonna kick it off
with a "scrimp" cocktail, son.
118
00:04:34,690 --> 00:04:35,858
You gots to open
with the scrimp.
119
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:37,693
Gots to open with the scrimp.
Look at this.
120
00:04:37,985 --> 00:04:39,904
I'm scrimp-walking.
Scrimp-walking.
121
00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:43,866
So Lindsay just cancelled?
That seems odd.
122
00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:46,202
Okay, I see
where you're getting at.
123
00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,370
But not everybody is as terrible
a person as you, Penny.
124
00:04:48,662 --> 00:04:50,039
All due respect.
125
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,541
Plus, we're still
having brunch tomorrow, so...
126
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:53,751
No, of course you are.
127
00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:55,044
No, they're not.
128
00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,379
No, they're not.
129
00:04:57,671 --> 00:04:59,882
Penny, come on. That is rude.
Yeah.
130
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,009
Dave and Lindsay are fine.
131
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:03,761
They are...
Rock solid.
132
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:07,765
I'm standing here, guys.
133
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,391
That only works
when you're on the phone.
134
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:13,270
Surprise!
135
00:05:13,562 --> 00:05:16,315
Ow! Damn it!
Sorry.
136
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:18,776
I'm sorry.
You know I hate surprises.
137
00:05:19,068 --> 00:05:20,402
Yeah. It's my fault.
138
00:05:20,694 --> 00:05:23,322
Totally my fault
that you hit me in the face.
139
00:05:23,614 --> 00:05:27,076
Which is why
I made a list of surprises
140
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:29,370
I'm gonna be surprising you
with for Valentine's Day.
141
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:34,041
This is the best surprise ever.
142
00:05:34,333 --> 00:05:36,335
Although, I could've used
a heads-up on this. Yes.
143
00:05:37,378 --> 00:05:39,630
How did you get a table
at Tableau?
144
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,340
That place is harder to get into
145
00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:42,842
than Obvious Joke Here.
146
00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:44,385
The new alt comedy club
downtown.
147
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,345
Yeah, babe.
I'm pulling out all the stops.
148
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:47,680
I got a new suit,
149
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:49,181
stocked up
on Michael Jordan cologne,
150
00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:50,808
and I'm gonna hit up the dentist
151
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,561
to get my chomper stones polished
for my lady.
152
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:57,606
You do love the dentist.
Hey, I'm the perfect patient.
153
00:05:57,898 --> 00:06:00,025
Never had a cavity.
Never even had plaque.
154
00:06:00,317 --> 00:06:02,486
Except that plaque they gave me
for never having plaque.
155
00:06:02,778 --> 00:06:04,154
Pretty sweet "plaque" plaque.
156
00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:06,574
What else is on here? Oh.
157
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:09,743
"Put on some D'Angelo,
then whip out my P'Angelo."
158
00:06:10,035 --> 00:06:12,454
What's that part of it?
159
00:06:12,746 --> 00:06:16,166
That's my personal notes.
Okay.
160
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,918
Well, not gonna lie.
161
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:21,171
Lovers' special is not moving
like I was expecting.
162
00:06:21,463 --> 00:06:23,757
"Beef hearts and hearts of palm
on a hearty roll."
163
00:06:24,049 --> 00:06:26,051
Real talk.
Your truck's not great.
164
00:06:27,344 --> 00:06:28,846
Lindsay just canceled brunch.
165
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:30,639
Hm? Hm, hm, hm.
166
00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:33,851
So she canceled yesterday,
and then she canceled today.
167
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:35,895
It sounds to me,
and I'm putting this together,
168
00:06:36,186 --> 00:06:39,607
like your lady is respecting
the breakup window.
169
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,901
No way.
It's just work's been crazy.
170
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:43,694
And she had to pick up
a present for me,
171
00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:46,363
And she's got a friend
coming into town. Oh, boy.
172
00:06:46,655 --> 00:06:47,656
Let's face it.
173
00:06:47,948 --> 00:06:49,909
No one has ever
had a friend in town.
174
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,203
Yeah, but what about the fancy
dinner I planned?
175
00:06:53,495 --> 00:06:55,789
Well, this does not feel good.
176
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:04,340
♪ How lucky can one guy be? ♪
177
00:07:04,632 --> 00:07:07,885
♪ I kissed her
And she kissed me ♪
178
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:10,179
♪ Like the fella once said ♪
179
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:13,140
♪ "Ain't that a kick
In the head?" ♪
180
00:07:15,225 --> 00:07:18,646
♪ The room
Was completely black ♪
181
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:22,149
♪ I hugged her
And she hugged back ♪
182
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:24,443
♪ Like the sailor said, quote ♪
183
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,820
♪ "Ain't that a hole
In the boat?" ♪
184
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,617
♪ My head keeps spinning ♪
185
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:35,287
♪ I go to sleep
I keep grinning ♪
186
00:07:35,579 --> 00:07:38,999
♪ If this is just
The beginning ♪
187
00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:41,293
♪ My life is gonna be ♪
188
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:43,921
♪ Beautiful ♪
189
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:47,675
♪ I've sunshine enough
To spread ♪
190
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,803
♪ It's just like
The fella said ♪
191
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:53,055
Ooh.
Ooh?
192
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,183
I think you mispronounced "aah."
193
00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:57,935
You have a cavity.
194
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,770
Right. A cavity.
195
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:01,522
Good one, doc.
196
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,732
That's hilarious.
It's no big deal.
197
00:08:04,024 --> 00:08:05,526
I'm gonna give you
a tiny shot of Novocain
198
00:08:05,818 --> 00:08:06,902
so I can drill that cavity out.
199
00:08:07,194 --> 00:08:08,404
Are you serious?
Yes.
200
00:08:08,696 --> 00:08:11,740
No! No, no.
I don't do drills or shots.
201
00:08:12,032 --> 00:08:13,200
I can't do pain, okay?
202
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:14,827
Give me the goof juice.
203
00:08:15,119 --> 00:08:16,537
Give me the goof juice,
and don't be bashful.
204
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,497
Put me all the way under.
All the way under.
205
00:08:18,789 --> 00:08:20,916
I won't get mad
if I make in my pants.
206
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,460
Seriously.
I won't sue if I poo.
207
00:08:26,755 --> 00:08:29,591
Ooh, your grandma's stuff
is so fancy.
208
00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:32,219
Wasn't she a big party girl
back in the day?
209
00:08:32,511 --> 00:08:36,306
Oh, yeah. J.F.K. once called her
a real Chicago slut.
210
00:08:36,598 --> 00:08:38,934
Why are you so proud of that?
It's Camelot, bro.
211
00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:41,937
Ooh! Ha-cha-cha.
212
00:08:42,229 --> 00:08:43,814
Grandma's lucky dress and fur.
213
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,774
Hope there's no black light
at that party.
214
00:08:46,066 --> 00:08:48,360
Guys, I don't know how
I'm gonna spend an entire night
215
00:08:48,652 --> 00:08:49,737
alone with the winker.
216
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,321
I bet you end up together.
217
00:08:51,613 --> 00:08:53,741
You can be his Arbenus Sibonchka.
His what?
218
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:56,410
Let's get out of here.
You wanna walk out with us?
219
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:58,120
No. Brad needs me
out of the house.
220
00:08:58,412 --> 00:08:59,663
He's gonna surprise me
with champagne,
221
00:08:59,955 --> 00:09:01,331
candlelight,
and a horse-drawn carriage.
222
00:09:01,623 --> 00:09:03,751
We are gonna live it up tonight.
223
00:09:04,043 --> 00:09:06,295
We've lost him.
224
00:09:06,587 --> 00:09:08,047
I think we gave him
too many drugs.
225
00:09:08,338 --> 00:09:09,339
We found him.
226
00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:10,924
Yes!
227
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:17,181
These dinosaurs are awesome.
228
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:20,434
Dude, how high are you
right now?
229
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:38,952
I'm so excited about tonight.
230
00:09:39,244 --> 00:09:42,122
Oh, the partish is so rude.
231
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:44,416
Hey, guys.
232
00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:46,543
Let's make this a group hang.
233
00:09:46,835 --> 00:09:49,463
Jump on back here.
Let's play Risk or something.
234
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:50,714
Help me.
235
00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:52,299
No problem, friend.
236
00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:53,801
And for just under 70 bucks,
237
00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:55,636
I could throw in
the Romantic Music Package.
238
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,846
Which includes such hits
as Extreme's "More Than Words."
239
00:09:58,138 --> 00:09:59,765
I secretly love that song.
Who doesn't?
240
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:02,101
It's two men
playing guitar at each other.
241
00:10:02,392 --> 00:10:04,561
Oh, wait, Max.
I think this is my party.
242
00:10:04,853 --> 00:10:06,563
Are you sure?
This is a nasty part of town.
243
00:10:06,855 --> 00:10:08,649
The guy I sell my gray water to
lives here.
244
00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:10,109
No. This is it.
245
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:11,693
Yup.
246
00:10:11,985 --> 00:10:13,904
Don't go!
Have fun.
247
00:10:14,196 --> 00:10:16,532
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome, madam.
248
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:21,537
AI, why don't you join us
for dinner?
249
00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,123
Or we could call it a night.
I'm pretty ty-ty.
250
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:25,916
I just pounded a 5-hour.
251
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:29,294
Sorry, I am on a love mission,
courtesy of Saint Valentine.
252
00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:31,672
Even though his mission ended
in a beating so savage
253
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:34,174
that two of his tormentors
committed suicide at the scene,
254
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:36,844
I'm hoping for
a different outcome. Bye.
255
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:38,929
Wait.
256
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,058
Where is this place?
257
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:45,936
Oh. Oh. Excuse me.
258
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,274
Hey.
259
00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:51,942
Are you looking for a party?
260
00:10:52,234 --> 00:10:54,862
Yeah. How about downtown?
What?
261
00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:56,655
Step away from the car.
262
00:10:56,947 --> 00:10:59,074
No, no, no.
I'm not a whore.
263
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:03,162
Happy Valentine's Day.
264
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:04,746
Oh. Are you not ready yet?
265
00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:07,958
I'm ready.
Let's do this thing.
266
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:11,003
Oh, David. Are those for me?
Nope.
267
00:11:12,379 --> 00:11:15,174
Okay. So how was your week?
268
00:11:15,465 --> 00:11:17,467
Sorry I haven't seen you.
It's been, like, crazy.
269
00:11:17,759 --> 00:11:19,219
Oh, me too. Totally crazy.
270
00:11:19,511 --> 00:11:21,346
Went out a ton,
met up with my old drum circle.
271
00:11:21,638 --> 00:11:23,473
So the usu'.
Okay.
272
00:11:23,765 --> 00:11:24,850
Ooh, yum. Shrimp.
273
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,144
Those are not for you.
274
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:28,937
Oh. What's for our dinner?
275
00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:31,440
Most people say to eat light
on V-day
276
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:32,900
because you're gonna
nude up soon.
277
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,818
I say, phooey.
278
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,445
Beans.
279
00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,239
Hope you like beans, Lindsay.
280
00:11:39,531 --> 00:11:42,409
Like, I like them.
281
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:44,620
Thanks for picking
me up from jail, Max.
282
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:45,871
No problem.
283
00:11:46,163 --> 00:11:47,497
Just gotta pick up one couple,
284
00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:49,833
then take you to your party.
Oh, no. It's cool.
285
00:11:50,125 --> 00:11:52,002
Getting mistaken for a whore
made me realize something.
286
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:53,462
Your grandmother was a whore.
287
00:11:53,754 --> 00:11:55,339
No, that tonight is not about me
finding love.
288
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,466
It's about helping other people
find love.
289
00:11:57,758 --> 00:12:01,053
That's what Valentine did
after Arbenus Sibonchka died.
290
00:12:01,345 --> 00:12:02,638
What?
Well, you guessed it.
291
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,057
She was driven off a cliff
by wild boars.
292
00:12:10,187 --> 00:12:13,357
Hello, fine gents.
How are you on this fine...
293
00:12:13,649 --> 00:12:14,733
What? I'm trying to help
people find love.
294
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:18,320
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
295
00:12:18,612 --> 00:12:19,696
Alex, that's my ex, Grant.
296
00:12:19,988 --> 00:12:21,073
I remember him.
He's so cute.
297
00:12:21,365 --> 00:12:22,324
What happened to you guys?
298
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:23,742
He dumped me.
Year ago today.
299
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,410
On Valentine's Day?
300
00:12:25,702 --> 00:12:27,037
That's why you hate
Saint Valentine.
301
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:28,789
Why do you gasping?
Oh! I don't know.
302
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,165
Do you have asthma?
Oh! No.
303
00:12:30,457 --> 00:12:32,292
Are you sure?
304
00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:36,964
Baba, why don't you let me
take over on the dipping?
305
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,924
Ah.
No?
306
00:12:39,216 --> 00:12:41,385
You go in here.
Oh!
307
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,847
Wow, getting your
whole hand in there.
308
00:12:46,139 --> 00:12:48,809
Oh.
309
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:50,394
Yay.
310
00:12:50,686 --> 00:12:52,437
Hey, where did my strawberry go?
311
00:12:52,729 --> 00:12:54,147
Sweetie,
you don't have to do this.
312
00:12:54,439 --> 00:12:56,608
Where did you go?
You should probably go to bed.
313
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,820
You know, the doctor said
he's surprised you're alive.
314
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:01,947
Got my third wind. Yeah.
315
00:13:02,239 --> 00:13:05,867
Oh, what time is it?
We gotta go.
316
00:13:06,159 --> 00:13:08,453
Max is gonna pick us up
and take us to Tableau.
317
00:13:08,745 --> 00:13:09,997
In his limo.
318
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,128
Fourth wind!
319
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:21,008
Valentine's Day
is the best day to do whites.
320
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:23,802
No one's using the machines.
What is your deal?
321
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,637
You said we were gonna have
a beautiful dinner
322
00:13:25,929 --> 00:13:27,180
then go for a limo ride.
323
00:13:27,472 --> 00:13:29,391
Instead you made beans,
you did your laundry,
324
00:13:29,683 --> 00:13:31,643
and spent 45 minutes
photographing your Game Genie
325
00:13:31,935 --> 00:13:33,020
for an eBay auction.
326
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:35,355
Lindsay, I know
about the breakup window.
327
00:13:35,647 --> 00:13:38,442
What are you talking about?
Oh, come on. "Work was crazy."
328
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,277
Then you said you had to pick up
a present for me.
329
00:13:40,569 --> 00:13:42,237
You said you had a friend
in town.
330
00:13:42,529 --> 00:13:44,656
Nobody ever has a friend
in town.
331
00:13:44,948 --> 00:13:47,409
Work has been crazy,
and I do have a friend in town.
332
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:49,703
And we were gonna give you
your dream gift.
333
00:13:49,995 --> 00:13:51,747
Oh. A sit-down with Guy Fieri?
334
00:13:52,039 --> 00:13:54,166
No, Dave. A threesome.
335
00:14:01,006 --> 00:14:02,507
Oh! Got you!
336
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,178
You guys. I had you going.
I had you going.
337
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:09,473
I was kidding!
You got faced! You got faced!
338
00:14:11,224 --> 00:14:13,643
You must feel so stupid
right now.
339
00:14:13,935 --> 00:14:15,896
Yeah, real stupid.
340
00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:19,024
Listen, I've got something
serious to tell both of you.
341
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:23,612
What?
Please let me do it. Please.
342
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:27,407
No, no, no.
343
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:29,326
Goodbye, Dave.
344
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:34,790
Oh, my God.
345
00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,958
So Grant dumped you
on Valentine's Day?
346
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,628
What did you do?
Nothing. Literally nothing.
347
00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:43,924
Happy Valentine's Day.
348
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:44,883
Were we supposed
to hang out today?
349
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:50,597
I double booked,
you and this pizza.
350
00:14:50,889 --> 00:14:52,808
So you took Grant for granted?
351
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,267
Oh, God.
352
00:14:54,559 --> 00:14:56,144
That made me sad
when you said that.
353
00:14:56,436 --> 00:14:57,938
Well, it's the truth.
No.
354
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,731
How you said it made me sad.
355
00:15:00,023 --> 00:15:01,191
But will you do me a favor?
356
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,527
Let them out
so I don't have to see him?
357
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:06,947
♪ You like him
You really like him ♪
358
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,658
What? That is so... Me?
359
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,701
Yeah. Just a little.
Care?
360
00:15:11,993 --> 00:15:14,955
Yeah.
About anything, ever!
361
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:19,126
Especially something emotional
I don't care about at all?
362
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,795
Does this look like me,
or look like somebody else?
363
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,755
I think I can get away with it.
364
00:15:24,047 --> 00:15:25,006
Maybe an accent.
365
00:15:25,298 --> 00:15:26,967
All right.
366
00:15:27,259 --> 00:15:29,010
Thank you very much, gentlemen,
367
00:15:29,302 --> 00:15:32,139
for choosing this particular
unlicensed limousine company
368
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,890
for your Valentine's Day.
369
00:15:34,182 --> 00:15:35,267
Max?
370
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,479
Hey. Grant.
371
00:15:39,771 --> 00:15:40,772
Happy Valentine's Day.
372
00:15:41,064 --> 00:15:43,859
Clark, this is Max.
373
00:15:44,151 --> 00:15:46,319
Great.
Another guy you know.
374
00:15:46,611 --> 00:15:47,779
I feel like
I'm swimming upstream
375
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:49,656
against a steady current
of your ex-boyfriends.
376
00:15:49,948 --> 00:15:51,700
It's like I'm a gay salmon
fighting for my life
377
00:15:51,992 --> 00:15:52,993
in a river of bears.
378
00:15:54,286 --> 00:15:56,788
More of a cub, but...
379
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,040
Sorry you had to see
that mixed metaphor.
380
00:15:59,332 --> 00:16:02,419
Our relationship has been
really touch-and-go lately.
381
00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:05,380
He touches me,
and I go, stop touching me!
382
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:08,633
Sorry you had to hear that, too.
383
00:16:08,925 --> 00:16:10,594
Well, I mean, he seems nice.
384
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,179
He's taking you out
on Valentine's Day.
385
00:16:12,471 --> 00:16:13,930
Better than the last chump
you dated.
386
00:16:14,222 --> 00:16:15,932
Yeah.
387
00:16:16,224 --> 00:16:18,143
Hey, good to see you, Max.
388
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:20,937
You too, man.
Happy Valentine's Day.
389
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,608
Whoo, I knew it.
390
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,943
You are the one that's supposed
to find love on Valentine's.
391
00:16:27,235 --> 00:16:28,528
AI, he's with another guy.
392
00:16:28,820 --> 00:16:30,489
Someone needs to find love,
or I'll freak.
393
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:33,074
Guys. You know
how I was gonna dump Reed?
394
00:16:33,366 --> 00:16:34,826
Well, he just dumped me.
395
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:38,914
I mean, he said I had this quirk
that he just couldn't stand.
396
00:16:39,206 --> 00:16:39,998
I hate how you abbreviate
everything.
397
00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,919
People love my abbreves.
They're cute.
398
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,587
Penny, you asked my aunt
how she was feeling
399
00:16:45,879 --> 00:16:47,506
after her full hysterecto.
400
00:16:47,797 --> 00:16:50,592
I was trying
to keep the vibe light.
401
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:52,135
Look. I wanted to wait
to break up with you
402
00:16:52,427 --> 00:16:53,512
because, you know, the window.
403
00:16:53,803 --> 00:16:56,014
But I just can't.
404
00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:57,599
I'm sorry, Penny.
405
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:02,729
Wait,
so are we actually done or...
406
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:05,023
I'm confused.
407
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:07,776
And then he said he hates
when I say "amazing."
408
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,070
But I've barely said that at all
this season.
409
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,571
You mean winter?
Yeah.
410
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:12,822
It's more of a summer word.
411
00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,491
All right,
we all struck out, okay?
412
00:17:14,783 --> 00:17:16,326
But we are on our way
to pick up Dave and his girls.
413
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:18,203
So let's rejoice in his love.
414
00:17:23,875 --> 00:17:25,335
Well, I just blew a threesome.
415
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:28,171
We talking two V's, one D?
Or two D's, one V?
416
00:17:28,463 --> 00:17:30,715
Two V's, Penny. Two V's.
417
00:17:31,007 --> 00:17:32,384
You and your breakup window.
418
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:34,052
It's a thing. I'm sorry, Dave.
419
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:37,222
I know this has been something
you've wanted for a long time.
420
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:38,682
Your first e-mail was
421
00:17:38,974 --> 00:17:41,560
threesomechaser
@pulaskihillsmiddleschool.org.
422
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:44,354
It sure was.
Thanks for understanding.
423
00:17:44,646 --> 00:17:47,774
All right, so it didn't work out
for me, you, Dave or Max.
424
00:17:48,066 --> 00:17:50,694
But I think Saint Valentine
is gonna come for Brad and Jane.
425
00:17:50,986 --> 00:17:52,404
Ooh!
426
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,910
Oh, snap!
427
00:17:59,202 --> 00:18:02,122
We in a limo!
428
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,753
Hey. Ross.
429
00:18:09,045 --> 00:18:11,798
Rachel. Phoebe.
430
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:13,049
Fat Joey.
431
00:18:13,341 --> 00:18:15,176
I love you guys.
432
00:18:17,596 --> 00:18:20,599
Brad went to the dentist today.
Got rip high.
433
00:18:20,890 --> 00:18:22,058
Poor guy.
434
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:24,519
It's like
Weekend at Bernie Mac's
435
00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:27,105
Wait.
So your date was also a bust?
436
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,441
Oh, God.
437
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:31,610
I guess St. Valentine
isn't real.
438
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:35,363
Oh, it's Grant.
439
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:37,365
"So much for Clark."
440
00:18:37,657 --> 00:18:39,993
"Another Valentine's Day ruined,
thanks to you."
441
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:41,828
"X.O."
X.O.?
442
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,080
Faith restored!
443
00:18:44,372 --> 00:18:46,207
St. Valentine
is gonna work his love magic
444
00:18:46,499 --> 00:18:48,877
for you and Grant.
445
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,587
Guys, don't you see?
446
00:18:50,879 --> 00:18:52,672
Max and Grant are the ones
who are supposed to find love.
447
00:18:52,964 --> 00:18:53,923
Come on. Let's go get him.
448
00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:56,051
For love.
I can't just go get him.
449
00:18:56,343 --> 00:18:59,095
The reason he broke up with me
was I blew Valentine's Day.
450
00:18:59,387 --> 00:19:01,306
What am I gonna do?
Win him back with more nothing?
451
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:04,643
I know a horsey!
Okay. I bet you do.
452
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:07,520
Don't patronize me, Monica.
453
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:09,105
That's it.
454
00:19:09,397 --> 00:19:10,940
We are gonna get you Grant.
455
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:13,193
For love. Step on it!
456
00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:25,872
Max. Hi.
457
00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:27,749
Uh...
458
00:19:29,209 --> 00:19:30,877
I just...
I'm so bad at apologies.
459
00:19:31,169 --> 00:19:32,337
I mean, so bad.
460
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:34,047
Often another apology follows,
461
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:35,674
which is then followed
by an apology text.
462
00:19:35,965 --> 00:19:37,592
And in one case,
a large cash settlement.
463
00:19:39,427 --> 00:19:43,139
I want to say I'm sorry, Grant,
about everything.
464
00:19:43,431 --> 00:19:46,518
And, um...
Happy Valentine's Day.
465
00:19:51,648 --> 00:19:53,983
I thought you hated
Valentine's Day.
466
00:19:54,275 --> 00:19:55,485
I did.
467
00:19:55,777 --> 00:19:57,987
But I just thought
maybe with the right guy,
468
00:19:58,279 --> 00:20:00,156
it would be kind of okay,
you know.
469
00:20:00,448 --> 00:20:04,327
And since Dennis Farina
is straight,
470
00:20:04,619 --> 00:20:06,746
I thought, why don't you and I
hang out?
471
00:20:07,038 --> 00:20:09,499
I got you this.
It's a scarf. Whoops.
472
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:13,211
Let's do it.
473
00:20:15,755 --> 00:20:16,214
We got the horsies.
474
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:20,051
Right here!
475
00:20:23,221 --> 00:20:25,348
We should go,
this is a bit of a fire hazard.
476
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,600
I'm just gonna blow these out.
477
00:20:27,892 --> 00:20:31,187
You guys, stop. We'll do that.
Max, you guys get in.
478
00:20:31,479 --> 00:20:32,564
Here. Fellas.
479
00:20:32,856 --> 00:20:33,815
Enjoy this,
480
00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:35,483
and our reservation at Tableau.
481
00:20:35,775 --> 00:20:37,277
It's gonna take forever
to get there,
482
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,654
but at least it'll smell better
than Max's limo.
483
00:20:39,946 --> 00:20:41,322
Thanks.
484
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,160
I wouldn't actually touch
those blankets.
485
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:46,786
I hear bums
have sex in these things
486
00:20:47,078 --> 00:20:48,955
when they're parked
in the park, you know.
487
00:20:54,502 --> 00:20:56,546
I'll shut up.
488
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:57,797
Hyah!
489
00:21:02,177 --> 00:21:05,013
Oh! We did it.
490
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:08,016
I want to give all of you guys
a big hug right now.
491
00:21:08,308 --> 00:21:09,809
Something the real Valentine
couldn't do
492
00:21:10,101 --> 00:21:11,936
after the Romans
ripped his arms and legs off.
493
00:21:12,228 --> 00:21:14,689
They went hard at that guy.
Was there anything left?
494
00:21:14,981 --> 00:21:16,441
Yeah, his heart.
Which they skewered
495
00:21:16,733 --> 00:21:18,485
and publically displayed
in the town's center.
496
00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,321
And that is why the heart
is the symbol of Valentine's.
497
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:24,240
Aw...
498
00:21:24,532 --> 00:21:25,533
What should we do now?
499
00:21:25,825 --> 00:21:26,785
Let's get drunk.
36349
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