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1
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,853
So, what you up to, Pen?
2
00:00:21,145 --> 00:00:24,023
Every muscle in my body
is blasted.
3
00:00:24,315 --> 00:00:26,400
My ex-boyfriend,
as of four minutes ago,
4
00:00:26,692 --> 00:00:28,027
is into cross-country skiing.
5
00:00:28,319 --> 00:00:29,695
It is horrible, okay?
6
00:00:29,987 --> 00:00:32,532
It is like NordicTrack,
only with wolves.
7
00:00:32,823 --> 00:00:34,283
You're doing it again.
8
00:00:34,575 --> 00:00:37,036
Pretending to be into stuff
guys you're dating are.
9
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:38,955
You always change to fit a guy.
10
00:00:39,247 --> 00:00:41,791
Sometimes I change to fit a girl
if she's got guy friends.
11
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:45,086
I am one of your best friends.
And I don't want to overstep,
12
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,171
but every choice
you make in your life
13
00:00:47,463 --> 00:00:49,632
about everything
is monumentally wrong.
14
00:00:49,924 --> 00:00:52,510
It's funny because it's sad.
15
00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:54,345
Okay, what's your point?
16
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:57,181
Don't change to fit a guy.
Find a guy, change him.
17
00:00:57,473 --> 00:00:58,641
That's what I did.
What?
18
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,726
Literally, any guy would do.
19
00:01:01,018 --> 00:01:03,187
You should have seen Brad
when we first met, oy.
20
00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:05,231
What? Really? Any guy?
21
00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,608
Even the guy that
brings his cat to the bar?
22
00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,904
Or how about Jeff?
23
00:01:12,196 --> 00:01:15,324
Jeff is fun at trivia night,
and sweet and smart.
24
00:01:15,616 --> 00:01:18,286
Jeff? He's a scrub.
I don't want no scrub.
25
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:20,121
Scrub is a guy
that can't get no love.
26
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,872
Can't go back
on a mantra like that.
27
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:25,543
Come on, he's wearing
shower shoes in a bar.
28
00:01:25,835 --> 00:01:27,336
He's got a soul patch in a bar.
29
00:01:27,628 --> 00:01:30,131
He's doing the running man
in a bar.
30
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:33,009
Know what's under that jersey?
A Family Guy tattoo?
31
00:01:33,301 --> 00:01:36,095
Possibly,
but also the perfect guy.
32
00:01:36,387 --> 00:01:37,722
You deserve to have a guy
33
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:40,141
change for you,
the way Brad changed for me.
34
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:42,685
Not gonna say "what" again,
but I'm thinking it.
35
00:01:42,977 --> 00:01:44,145
Maybe you're right.
36
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,480
I'm gonna give this a try.
Mm-hmm.
37
00:01:46,772 --> 00:01:51,402
Oh, my God!
Year of Penny. Suck it.
38
00:02:01,579 --> 00:02:04,081
So that whole changing me stuff
you told Penny was BS,
39
00:02:04,373 --> 00:02:06,876
slumber-party,
pep-talk period crap, right?
40
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,462
Oh, change is such an ugly word.
41
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,089
I just modified
everything about you
42
00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:15,134
to make you better, for me.
43
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:17,595
Nobody changed me.
44
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:20,014
I got your change in my pocket.
45
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:21,682
Oh, come on, boo bear.
46
00:02:21,974 --> 00:02:24,685
When we first met, you were
a total college bonehead.
47
00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:27,730
You wore cargo shorts
and skater dreads.
48
00:02:28,022 --> 00:02:29,440
You were obsessed with Jackass.
49
00:02:29,732 --> 00:02:32,193
Obsessed with taking
a stand against discrimination.
50
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:34,195
Why wasn't there a black man
in Jackass?
51
00:02:34,487 --> 00:02:36,614
Brother can't staple his butt?
He can.
52
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,282
I got staples.
You've got tons.
53
00:02:38,574 --> 00:02:41,035
I got so much butts.
So much butts.
54
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:44,789
You needed to change, okay?
And I did that.
55
00:02:45,081 --> 00:02:46,540
You didn't love old Brad.
56
00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:48,000
Of course, I loved old Brad,
57
00:02:48,292 --> 00:02:50,252
like how I loved those chairs
your mom gave us
58
00:02:50,544 --> 00:02:53,631
I had reupholstered
so they're unrecognizable.
59
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,716
Okay. All right.
60
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,927
No, why do you have idea face
right now?
61
00:02:58,219 --> 00:03:00,513
You'll see.
Is something about to happen?
62
00:03:00,805 --> 00:03:03,724
Strap in. Seriously.
Click it or ticket.
63
00:03:04,016 --> 00:03:06,686
Put your seatbelt on.
Tickets are expensive as hell.
64
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:09,563
I love my babies.
65
00:03:09,855 --> 00:03:12,942
And by babies,
of course, I mean my magazines.
66
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,614
These people make me look like
I have my life together.
67
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:21,617
Aw. That's nice
that you think that.
68
00:03:21,909 --> 00:03:24,078
You guys are still watching
this Hoarders show?
69
00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,538
No, this one's different.
70
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,206
Her hoarding's been hard on me,
71
00:03:27,498 --> 00:03:30,501
because I'm addicted
to eating magazines.
72
00:03:30,793 --> 00:03:31,961
Oh, no. No!
73
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,213
You guys are addicted
to addiction shows.
74
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:36,424
Dave?
75
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,260
You wearing a different V-neck
than two hours ago?
76
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:42,138
I am wearing a different V-neck.
Thank you for noticing.
77
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:45,307
I keep one in the truck in case
I want to make the old switch.
78
00:03:45,599 --> 00:03:49,186
I call it my emergen-tee.
I'm gonna put on my jammies.
79
00:03:49,478 --> 00:03:51,981
God, Alex. You understand
what's happening, right?
80
00:03:52,273 --> 00:03:55,443
Yes. Maybe.
Let's say it at the same time.
81
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:56,944
Why would we?
82
00:03:57,236 --> 00:03:59,405
I got you. Come on.
83
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:02,658
Dave is addicted to V-necks.
Addicted to V-necks, yes!
84
00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:06,370
Wait. What? That's crazy.
No, when he left for his date
85
00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:09,248
he was wearing a V-neck sweater
over a V-neck T-shirt.
86
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:12,918
Then he switched mid-date.
That's three Vs.
87
00:04:14,086 --> 00:04:15,546
Chocolate milk.
88
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:19,425
Oh, my God. That's four Vs.
Yeah.
89
00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:20,259
That's almost five.
90
00:04:25,431 --> 00:04:28,267
So how'd it go with Jeff?
91
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,730
Was he wearing another jersey?
Did you guys Zamboni?
92
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:34,273
Did he make it
to your penalty box?
93
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,526
Are you done?
Did you puck?
94
00:04:37,818 --> 00:04:40,196
I'll e-mail the rest.
We had a fun time.
95
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,281
He's really nice,
he's got a good job,
96
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,825
but there are more
deal-breakers than we thought.
97
00:04:45,117 --> 00:04:46,285
He's 30 going on 20,
98
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:48,871
and he still says
"sick" and "dog."
99
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:51,207
And, sadly, never when
referring to a sick dog.
100
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:53,209
His apartment
smells like appetizers.
101
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,960
He's got street signs
everywhere.
102
00:04:55,252 --> 00:04:57,630
It's like he's squatting
in a vacant Bennigan's.
103
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:59,507
Check it.
104
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,926
That mini fridge?
You can reach it from my futon.
105
00:05:02,218 --> 00:05:03,469
Sick, right?
106
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:06,555
Futon, huh? Yeah.
It's also my couch.
107
00:05:06,847 --> 00:05:09,016
I'm really into combo stuff
right now.
108
00:05:09,308 --> 00:05:10,684
Like, see the beer sign?
109
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:12,269
It's also my reading lamp. Oh.
110
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:15,022
Have you read
the new Joyce Carol Oates?
111
00:05:15,314 --> 00:05:16,899
It is dope, mang.
112
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:20,861
He reads Joyce Carol Oates.
There's some potential there.
113
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:22,571
But the apartment, the clothes,
114
00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:24,657
the beatnik-juggalo facial hair.
115
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,076
You can change all of that.
Just woman him.
116
00:05:27,368 --> 00:05:28,744
Just woman him into submission.
117
00:05:29,036 --> 00:05:30,746
Just woman him around the edges.
118
00:05:31,038 --> 00:05:33,165
So trick him?
Yes.
119
00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:40,089
Dave.
120
00:05:40,381 --> 00:05:41,966
Dave. Dave.
David.
121
00:05:42,258 --> 00:05:44,301
David.
122
00:05:44,593 --> 00:05:46,220
Uncle Rich!
123
00:05:46,512 --> 00:05:48,305
I'm sorry. "Uncle
Rich?" My Uncle Rich?
124
00:05:48,597 --> 00:05:50,432
What's happening?
You have a problem.
125
00:05:50,724 --> 00:05:52,852
How many V-necks
have you worn this weekend?
126
00:05:53,143 --> 00:05:55,479
I don't know.
What's a baker's dozen?
127
00:05:55,771 --> 00:05:56,814
Eleven.
Thirteen. Huh?
128
00:05:57,106 --> 00:05:58,566
I think my baker's
ripping me off.
129
00:05:58,858 --> 00:06:01,902
Look, Dave,
you are addicted to V-necks.
130
00:06:02,194 --> 00:06:05,322
Can I go back to sleep?
You have a problem!
131
00:06:05,614 --> 00:06:08,284
Ridiculous. You're watching
too many of those shows.
132
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,537
Which is why we know
that you have a problem.
133
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:14,915
Will you please accept the help
that we are offering you today?
134
00:06:15,207 --> 00:06:17,167
Is this one of those things
if I don't say yes,
135
00:06:17,459 --> 00:06:19,169
you're not gonna let me
go back to sleep?
136
00:06:19,461 --> 00:06:20,629
Yeah.
Yeah.
137
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,798
I've been sleeping all day
in preparation.
138
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:25,676
Actually, I didn't know, but
I have been sleeping all day,
139
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:26,927
so I'm all keyed up.
140
00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:32,141
What's up? I'm Brad Williams,
and welcome to Blackass.
141
00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:34,143
It's our time now!
Damn right!
142
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:35,519
Blackass, y'all.
143
00:06:35,811 --> 00:06:37,605
This right here
is the snack pack,
144
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:39,481
mousetrap front fiip.
145
00:06:39,773 --> 00:06:41,901
We got the pudding,
we got the traps,
146
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:43,360
and we got the tramp.
147
00:06:43,652 --> 00:06:45,404
Let's do this.
148
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:49,950
Yeah.
Yeah!
149
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:52,494
It's going down, panties.
Uhn!
150
00:06:58,375 --> 00:07:00,085
Did you see that?
151
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:06,967
What's going on?
152
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:12,514
Oh. Look at the leg...
153
00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,812
Thighs, thighs.
Hand, hand.
154
00:07:20,898 --> 00:07:23,567
Oh, God! Hah!
155
00:07:25,861 --> 00:07:26,987
What is happening here?
156
00:07:27,279 --> 00:07:29,323
Oh, nothing.
Just being the old Brad,
157
00:07:29,615 --> 00:07:31,909
before you modified him
to suit your needs.
158
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,786
Okay.
That's what this is about?
159
00:07:34,078 --> 00:07:35,663
Damn right
that's what this is about.
160
00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:37,331
I'm loving being old Brad.
161
00:07:39,458 --> 00:07:41,251
Ow!
That's my good nipple.
162
00:07:41,543 --> 00:07:44,922
Look, boo, if you love old Brad,
then I love old Brad.
163
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:47,675
Wait. Why do you have
idea face now?
164
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,677
No. This is my
l-love-old-Brad face.
165
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:50,928
It's a grr.
166
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,304
Good.
Great.
167
00:07:52,596 --> 00:07:54,640
The old Brad is back.
168
00:07:57,601 --> 00:07:59,269
I reset those traps,
so heads up.
169
00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:01,438
So do you like hockey?
Do I?
170
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:03,816
Do I?
No, not really.
171
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:06,276
Well, I'd love to take you
to a game sometime.
172
00:08:06,568 --> 00:08:07,861
That would be really nice.
173
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:10,280
You are hella sweet, Penny. Aww.
174
00:08:10,572 --> 00:08:12,324
Oh, my...
175
00:08:12,616 --> 00:08:15,035
I'm so sorry!
Did I ruin your hockey costume?
176
00:08:15,327 --> 00:08:16,704
It's on the Blackhawk.
Damn it.
177
00:08:16,996 --> 00:08:18,580
I think I have a napkin
in my purse.
178
00:08:18,872 --> 00:08:20,290
I don't have a napkin,
179
00:08:20,582 --> 00:08:22,710
but I do have a Steven Alan
dress shirt.
180
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,713
Oh. Why do you have that?
You don't like it?
181
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,799
Okay, because I think
I also have it in gunmetal gray.
182
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,884
That's pretty sick.
Pretty great.
183
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:32,511
Yeah, dog, sick.
Great.
184
00:08:32,803 --> 00:08:33,762
Sick.
185
00:08:34,054 --> 00:08:35,597
Okay, just wear the shirt.
Okay.
186
00:08:35,889 --> 00:08:38,767
Guys, for the last time,
I am not addicted to V-necks.
187
00:08:39,059 --> 00:08:40,477
But I will humor you
188
00:08:40,769 --> 00:08:43,105
and allow you to put these
into storage to prove it.
189
00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,817
Humor mode activated.
190
00:08:47,109 --> 00:08:49,695
I don't know what that was.
I do. Denial.
191
00:08:49,987 --> 00:08:52,698
Oh, yeah.
Your whole wardrobe is V-necks.
192
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:56,535
Do whatever you want, okay?
Except don't take this one.
193
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:59,747
It's kind of my date V.
I get V in this V.
194
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,206
Ugh.
Bargaining.
195
00:09:01,498 --> 00:09:03,584
Fine. This is stupid.
Just take them away.
196
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:07,087
Good.
Got all of them except for one.
197
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:08,756
The one you're wearing, champ.
198
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,967
Really? Fine.
199
00:09:12,259 --> 00:09:15,429
It's a farmer's V.
200
00:09:15,721 --> 00:09:17,389
Look at the track marks.
201
00:09:17,681 --> 00:09:19,475
You been dancing with Mr. V,
son?
202
00:09:19,767 --> 00:09:21,185
"Mr. V?"
Tweaker.
203
00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:23,479
Who is Mr. V?
204
00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,147
Why are we here?
205
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:28,400
I could have sworn this was an
all-you-could-eat wings place.
206
00:09:28,692 --> 00:09:30,319
Ugh.
Gentrification.
207
00:09:30,611 --> 00:09:32,154
But I guess, you know,
if we're here,
208
00:09:32,446 --> 00:09:33,697
we could take a look around.
209
00:09:33,989 --> 00:09:36,325
Oopsie golly. Me fall on mattress!
Whoa.
210
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:42,081
Luckily, this memory-foam sleep
number 45 broke our fall.
211
00:09:42,372 --> 00:09:43,540
This is really comfortable.
212
00:09:43,832 --> 00:09:45,834
Yeah.
This is, like, mad cozy, dog.
213
00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:48,253
I wonder how much it costs.
Hmm, yeah.
214
00:09:48,545 --> 00:09:49,880
Oofa-moofa.
215
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:52,633
I guess some things
are just for the 1 percenters.
216
00:09:52,925 --> 00:09:54,718
Well, no, how much is it?
217
00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:59,765
It's $800.
Oh, the nerve.
218
00:10:00,057 --> 00:10:01,225
I have 800 bucks, you know?
219
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:03,644
I was gonna buy
a video game chair
220
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,939
but, you know, I really think
I would use this a lot more.
221
00:10:07,231 --> 00:10:11,443
I mean, you probably would.
Yeah.
222
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:14,530
Time to update my apartment.
This stuff's sick.
223
00:10:14,822 --> 00:10:18,200
I never thought that before,
but now that you're saying it,
224
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,577
I think you totally should.
Sure. Yeah.
225
00:10:20,869 --> 00:10:22,871
You know what else they have here?
What?
226
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:24,331
Other stuff.
227
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,999
I'm down with other stuff, mang.
228
00:10:26,291 --> 00:10:28,836
Yeah. Oh, don't
say "mang." Yeah!
229
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:32,089
Check it out.
230
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,134
Old Brad went out and got
a butts-load of his old CDs.
231
00:10:35,425 --> 00:10:36,510
I'm gonna be bumping
232
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:40,430
the Sugar Ray all night long.
Hmm.
233
00:10:40,722 --> 00:10:42,599
Boo-ya!
I'm bringing that back too.
234
00:10:42,891 --> 00:10:44,059
Oh, fun.
235
00:10:44,351 --> 00:10:46,186
Oh.
That smells good as hell.
236
00:10:46,478 --> 00:10:48,147
I made a dry-aged
New York strip steak.
237
00:10:48,438 --> 00:10:51,275
Yummers.
Don't mind if I didgeridoo.
238
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:54,653
But in college, old Brad
didn't eat dry-aged steak.
239
00:10:55,696 --> 00:11:00,200
He said he could live
off of cereal and turkey dogs.
240
00:11:00,492 --> 00:11:02,035
Old Brad said what?
Mm-hmm.
241
00:11:02,327 --> 00:11:05,831
I figured I'd take my hooks out
and let you be old Brad.
242
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:09,334
Old Brad is not even hungry.
He's just gonna go upstairs,
243
00:11:09,626 --> 00:11:13,964
take a nice, hot lavender bath
and soak his new dread.
244
00:11:14,256 --> 00:11:16,884
It's a
spud, but it's growing, mon.
245
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,427
Love it. Irie, mon.
Yeah.
246
00:11:18,719 --> 00:11:19,761
Look at that.
Have mercy.
247
00:11:20,053 --> 00:11:21,263
Boo-boo-boo!
248
00:11:21,555 --> 00:11:24,224
Bath time.
Might want to rethink that bath,
249
00:11:24,516 --> 00:11:26,643
because old Brad
didn't take baths.
250
00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:29,688
He took showers because his tub
was filled with 311 CDs, so...
251
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:32,441
Old Brad
couldn't afford a CD tower.
252
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:35,194
I know, it's so sad.
253
00:11:35,485 --> 00:11:37,613
You know what's not sad?
What?
254
00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,449
The taste of this steak
in my damn mouth.
255
00:11:40,741 --> 00:11:44,828
Mm. Boo-ya.
Boo-yaka-sha. Mm.
256
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:48,165
Oh, no, you didn't.
It is so good.
257
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:51,460
No.
No, still mine.
258
00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,881
Wow.
Not bad, right?
259
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:58,842
My crib looks seriously off
the hee-zee, right?
260
00:11:59,134 --> 00:12:02,721
Yes, Jeff. Your apartment
looks seriously nice.
261
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:04,556
Thank you.
You look seriously nice.
262
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,310
Oh, wait, wait.
What?
263
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,270
I have a super sexy idea.
264
00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:12,689
Let's go into the bathroom,
take off your shirt,
265
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:13,982
Listening.
266
00:12:14,274 --> 00:12:15,776
Shave your face
and burn your hat.
267
00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:19,404
What's going on? You want me
to change my apartment,
268
00:12:19,696 --> 00:12:22,950
my clothes, my cool S-patch.
That's a lot of change.
269
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,160
Jeff, you're a great guy.
True that.
270
00:12:25,452 --> 00:12:27,287
But you dress and talk
like a 20-year-old.
271
00:12:27,579 --> 00:12:30,290
God. Now you're sounding
a lot like my ex-girlfriend.
272
00:12:30,582 --> 00:12:32,251
We almost got married,
but didn't
273
00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:33,877
because I wouldn't change.
274
00:12:34,169 --> 00:12:36,505
I'm not gonna change.
I ain't selling out.
275
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,216
Well, why?
Don't you love your new shirt,
276
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:42,427
and your new bed
and your new furniture?
277
00:12:42,719 --> 00:12:44,137
Yeah. Yeah, I do.
278
00:12:44,429 --> 00:12:46,890
Look, okay? Jeff...
279
00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:49,559
this could be you.
280
00:12:49,851 --> 00:12:51,436
Welcome to 2012.
281
00:12:51,728 --> 00:12:54,815
Welcome to sex town,
population Jeffrey Niebert.
282
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:56,566
What?
That was weird.
283
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:59,111
Well, I guess
I do look pretty fresh, right?
284
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:00,445
Maybe you got a point, dog.
285
00:13:00,737 --> 00:13:03,448
Ugh.
Also, maybe don't say "dog",
286
00:13:03,740 --> 00:13:05,200
or "stoked" or "crushed"
or "mang"
287
00:13:05,492 --> 00:13:08,036
or add "izzle" or "izzlen't"
to anything, but that's it.
288
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:10,831
And don't wear those shower
shoes. Now that's it. Yay!
289
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:14,001
Let's make out after you shave
your face and burn that hat.
290
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,549
Hello.
291
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,719
How were your "errands," David?
292
00:13:24,011 --> 00:13:25,387
If that's even your real name.
293
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,390
Just normal errands.
294
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:31,143
How about you? Have a good day?
Did you get stuff done?
295
00:13:31,435 --> 00:13:34,062
Take your coat off.
If that's even a real coat.
296
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,273
It's kind of chilly in here.
It's not.
297
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:38,066
I think you're wearing a V-neck.
298
00:13:38,358 --> 00:13:40,819
Man, I haven't V'd
in three days.
299
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:42,946
David.
Coat off.
300
00:13:43,238 --> 00:13:44,406
Fine.
301
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,954
Oh, I'm sorry.
302
00:13:51,246 --> 00:13:55,917
You should be.
You should both be very sorry.
303
00:13:56,209 --> 00:14:00,213
Hey! Sidestep back out here
for a second, young man.
304
00:14:02,632 --> 00:14:03,759
Turn around!
305
00:14:06,053 --> 00:14:07,721
Busted, I knew it!
306
00:14:08,013 --> 00:14:10,349
You don't know what it's like.
Just leave me alone!
307
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,976
We're more disappointed
than mad, David.
308
00:14:13,268 --> 00:14:15,479
He's hit rock bottom.
We need to do for Dave
309
00:14:15,771 --> 00:14:18,815
what Sharon's family did for her
on Bulk Eaters.
310
00:14:19,107 --> 00:14:20,525
Help.
Yeah.
311
00:14:20,817 --> 00:14:23,904
Except I think Sharon died
in the end.
312
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,329
Yeah. She definitely died.
Okay.
313
00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,374
I even convinced Jeff
to stop saying "dog."
314
00:14:35,665 --> 00:14:38,835
Jane was right.
You can change a man.
315
00:14:39,127 --> 00:14:41,338
I'm gonna start a blog
or a Twitter,
316
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,341
then it'll become a TV series
starring Alyssa Milano.
317
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,177
Boy, I wish my last name
was a cookie.
318
00:14:47,469 --> 00:14:50,138
Shh.
Here he comes.
319
00:14:56,186 --> 00:14:59,231
Damn, dog.
He looks sick.
320
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,196
Hi. Hey.
Hi.
321
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,572
How you doing?
Hi.
322
00:15:07,864 --> 00:15:08,865
Guess what.
What?
323
00:15:09,157 --> 00:15:10,617
I'm engaged.
324
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,119
What?
325
00:15:12,411 --> 00:15:14,621
Congratulations.
Thank you.
326
00:15:16,748 --> 00:15:18,792
How many times
did you play this song?
327
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:23,088
A baker's dozen?
So 13?
328
00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:34,391
Hey, Jane.
And you would be doing what?
329
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,351
Nothing weird.
Just blowing the smell
330
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:38,895
of new Brad's favorite
candle downstairs
331
00:15:39,187 --> 00:15:42,107
so old Brad will finally admit
he's better the way I made him.
332
00:15:42,399 --> 00:15:44,818
Hmm. You guys seem great.
Well...
333
00:15:45,110 --> 00:15:46,695
Turns out, you were right, Jane.
334
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:50,157
I did end up changing Jeff
into a perfect guy.
335
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,200
Did he thank you?
They never thank you.
336
00:15:52,492 --> 00:15:54,035
He did. You know
who else thanked me?
337
00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:56,663
His ex-girlfriend.
Well, that's nice.
338
00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:58,165
It's a really sweet story.
339
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:00,167
Jeff ran into Emily
at this flea market,
340
00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:03,378
where he was buying
this wall sconce I suggested,
341
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:06,631
and it turns out
Em loves the new Jeff.
342
00:16:06,923 --> 00:16:09,009
So much so
that they just got right on
343
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:09,968
engaged at the flea market.
344
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:13,430
Oh, I am done changing guys.
345
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:18,226
God, that sucks.
I'm sorry.
346
00:16:18,518 --> 00:16:20,061
I mean, what is it with guys?
347
00:16:20,353 --> 00:16:22,481
How does Brad not admit
that I made him better?
348
00:16:22,772 --> 00:16:25,108
Check out what he looked like
when we first met.
349
00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:28,653
Whoa.
Look at those nasty dreads
350
00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:31,698
and that busted ska-punk skank
he was dating.
351
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,158
I don't know who that is.
352
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,993
That's not you
with the pink hair
353
00:16:36,036 --> 00:16:38,163
flashing a horse cop?
I don't...
354
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,499
That's not you throwing up
at a Korn concert?
355
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:42,459
Hmm.
356
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:45,170
It's me. Yeah.
Yeah.
357
00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:46,922
Point taken.
I love this one of you
358
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:49,090
making out
with your "roommate" Margaret
359
00:16:49,382 --> 00:16:51,176
in the DoubleTree hot tub. Okay.
360
00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:53,762
Oh, Margaret.
I liked Margaret.
361
00:16:54,054 --> 00:16:56,556
Well, now Mark, what's he up to?
362
00:16:56,848 --> 00:16:59,351
Whoo! I'm so excited.
An intervention?
363
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:01,102
It's like having
a surprise party
364
00:17:01,394 --> 00:17:02,812
for someone
who's gonna hate you.
365
00:17:04,773 --> 00:17:06,399
Surprise!
366
00:17:06,691 --> 00:17:09,778
What's going on?
Please, come sit with us.
367
00:17:10,070 --> 00:17:11,112
This is a safe space.
368
00:17:11,404 --> 00:17:13,448
Who are you?
This is Phil.
369
00:17:13,740 --> 00:17:15,450
He's a licensed drug counselor.
370
00:17:15,742 --> 00:17:17,118
Okay?
Don't be scared.
371
00:17:17,410 --> 00:17:20,121
It's exactly what it looks like,
an interveen-tion.
372
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:23,500
Intervench-veen.
That sounds better to you?
373
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,752
God, you guys,
I am not addicted to V-necks.
374
00:17:26,044 --> 00:17:27,045
I thought you said
this was a serious issue.
375
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:29,756
You can't be addicted
to V-necks.
376
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:32,592
Yeah, you can. I'm addicted
to how you look in argyle.
377
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:36,555
This is not the place.
That's how you know each other.
378
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:39,224
Why is Scotty here? You couldn't
get any real friends
379
00:17:39,516 --> 00:17:40,559
for my fake intervention?
380
00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,435
Admit that you have a problem,
Doug!
381
00:17:42,727 --> 00:17:44,479
Doug? It's Dave.
382
00:17:44,771 --> 00:17:46,648
Listen, this is really stupid,
383
00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,358
but I got an hour to kill
384
00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:51,278
before I have to be
at a real intervention, so...
385
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,696
Sit with us, Dave.
386
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,573
Sit down.
I got it, Scotty.
387
00:17:54,864 --> 00:17:55,865
Let me ask you a question.
388
00:17:56,157 --> 00:17:58,076
Why do you wear so many V-necks?
389
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:01,329
Piercing question.
Who cares? They're just shirts.
390
00:18:01,621 --> 00:18:03,873
I like the way they look.
They make me feel safe.
391
00:18:04,165 --> 00:18:06,668
Safe? Keep going with that.
Keep going with that.
392
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,837
Talk more about the shirt thing.
Fine.
393
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:14,217
Well, I... l was 11 years old.
394
00:18:14,509 --> 00:18:16,261
I was being bullied
by this fat kid,
395
00:18:16,553 --> 00:18:18,013
appropriately named Fat Harold.
396
00:18:18,305 --> 00:18:20,807
He would do this thing
where he'd come up behind me
397
00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,100
and yank me
by the back of my shirt.
398
00:18:23,143 --> 00:18:27,105
It was miserable,
till I started wearing V-necks.
399
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,525
Then I had enough room
to wriggle out and get away.
400
00:18:30,817 --> 00:18:35,113
V-necks always made me
feel comfortable, safe.
401
00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,575
Wow, Dave,
what an inappropriate forum
402
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,744
for such
a long and boring story.
403
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,203
I mean, sorry.
404
00:18:42,495 --> 00:18:44,122
Yeah,
we're sorry about all this.
405
00:18:44,414 --> 00:18:46,541
I mean, we were just bored.
406
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:49,336
I don't care
what kind of T-shirts you wear.
407
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:52,631
I think you look great
in V-necks.
408
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:56,760
Guys. I think I might be
addicted to Vicodin.
409
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:08,063
Brad, I was wrong.
410
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:12,442
I'm sorry.
What is happening?
411
00:19:12,734 --> 00:19:13,860
Is that old Jane?
412
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:16,905
Let's go with previous Jane.
413
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:19,240
Forgot those
Gwen Stefani chola eyebrows.
414
00:19:19,532 --> 00:19:21,076
No doubt.
415
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:22,661
No.
416
00:19:22,952 --> 00:19:25,705
Brad, I'm sorry
if I hurt your feelings.
417
00:19:25,997 --> 00:19:28,416
But the truth is,
418
00:19:28,708 --> 00:19:30,043
I did change you.
419
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,796
But...
420
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:35,173
you changed me too.
421
00:19:35,465 --> 00:19:38,802
Old Brad and previous Jane
422
00:19:39,094 --> 00:19:41,930
fell in love
and we changed together.
423
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:46,059
We grew like this.
424
00:19:48,019 --> 00:19:51,147
Aww. Babe.
425
00:19:51,439 --> 00:19:53,692
You know, you looking so good
426
00:19:53,983 --> 00:19:58,405
is kind of making me wanna
get us out of these clothes,
427
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,241
if you know what I mean.
I know what you mean.
428
00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:05,870
Yeah. Just the way I like it.
429
00:20:06,162 --> 00:20:08,206
Oh, God, It's so good.
430
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:13,044
Mm. Yummers.
431
00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:18,216
So, what is a fit bird like you
432
00:20:19,259 --> 00:20:21,302
doing in a pub like this?
433
00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:25,265
Ordering something
British, like a shandy or a scone.
434
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:27,267
No, I am not British.
435
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,185
I was doing that to impress you,
436
00:20:29,477 --> 00:20:32,647
but I am done changing for guys
and changing them too. Sorry.
437
00:20:32,939 --> 00:20:36,025
It's all right.
I'm not British either.
438
00:20:36,317 --> 00:20:39,446
I heard girls were into accents,
and you were really cute.
439
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,740
Also, I was a preemie.
I was a preemie too.
440
00:20:42,031 --> 00:20:43,658
No, I wasn't.
I was five weeks late.
441
00:20:43,950 --> 00:20:45,577
I do not know
what's wrong with me.
442
00:20:45,869 --> 00:20:47,746
Brilliantly played.
443
00:20:48,037 --> 00:20:49,497
Well done.
Thank you.
444
00:20:49,789 --> 00:20:51,082
Hey, guys.
Wow.
445
00:20:51,374 --> 00:20:53,626
Dave, is there something
different about you?
446
00:20:53,918 --> 00:20:55,920
Did you part your hair
on the other side?
447
00:20:56,212 --> 00:20:59,799
No. He's wearing a turtleneck.
448
00:21:00,091 --> 00:21:02,635
Clutch the pearls.
Been four days. Feeling great.
449
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,012
It feels like a new chapter.
450
00:21:04,304 --> 00:21:06,306
So proud of you, Dave.
Oh, thank you.
451
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:08,433
This is big.
Oh, thank you.
452
00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:10,518
We're really proud.
Really big.
453
00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:12,353
Couldn't have done it
without you.
454
00:21:12,645 --> 00:21:14,522
You know we're proud.
33651
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