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1
00:00:01,667 --> 00:00:03,711
Don't you think you should
leave a little something
2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,129
in the tank for tomorrow, buddy?
3
00:00:05,421 --> 00:00:07,131
It is Halloween, after all.
Mm.
4
00:00:07,423 --> 00:00:09,050
It's pre-gaming, bro.
5
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:10,801
Halloween
is the Super Bowl of drinking.
6
00:00:11,093 --> 00:00:12,553
Isn't the Super Bowl
the Super Bowl of drinking?
7
00:00:12,845 --> 00:00:15,515
No. The Super Bowl
is the Halloween of football.
8
00:00:15,806 --> 00:00:16,766
What?
What?
9
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:18,184
Anyway, I cannot wait
10
00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:20,269
for this year's
Monster Mash Pumpkin Bash, guys.
11
00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:23,981
I mean, the buffets, aww,
the drag queen contests. Okay?
12
00:00:24,273 --> 00:00:27,860
The smoking-hot
gorilla costumes.
13
00:00:28,152 --> 00:00:30,530
Yeah, I'm right next to you.
It's basically a gorilla costume
14
00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:33,407
that's slightly singed,
like when you age a document.
15
00:00:33,699 --> 00:00:35,660
Okay, well, we're not going
to the party, honey.
16
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,246
We discussed this, remember?
No, we didn't.
17
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,872
Brad, we will not be going
18
00:00:40,164 --> 00:00:41,332
to the Monster Mash
Pumpkin Bash.
19
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:43,084
We will be house-sitting
for the Rubins.
20
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,294
Confirm you're listening
by repeating what I said.
21
00:00:45,586 --> 00:00:47,505
We aren't going to the
Monster Mash Pumpkin Bash.
22
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,257
We will be house-sitting
for the Rubins.
23
00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,300
That's the first
I'm hearing of this.
24
00:00:51,592 --> 00:00:53,094
You guys, Adam ended it with me.
25
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,513
Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
Who's Adam?
26
00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,265
Hated him.
Things were going so well.
27
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,642
I suggested a couples costume
and he, like, freaked out.
28
00:01:01,310 --> 00:01:02,728
Yeah, Pen, you know
that I am the biggest
29
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:04,689
couples-costume
advocate in the world.
30
00:01:04,981 --> 00:01:06,399
- You've read my blog.
- Of course.
31
00:01:06,691 --> 00:01:08,150
You can't throw
a couples costume at a guy
32
00:01:08,442 --> 00:01:09,402
after only three weeks.
33
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:10,987
Classic Penny overreach.
34
00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:14,532
You should have asked him to
marry you, you stupid idiot.
35
00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:20,162
We're not piling on there?
No.
36
00:01:20,454 --> 00:01:22,748
I mean, it wasn't a romantic
costume or anything.
37
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:24,417
It was just me as a new mom
38
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:27,211
and him as an infant
strapped to me in a BabyBjörn.
39
00:01:27,503 --> 00:01:29,964
- Oh, my God. what was I thinking?
- Penny.
40
00:01:30,256 --> 00:01:33,968
Penny, Penny, Penny.
41
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:37,054
What?
I'll do it.
42
00:01:37,346 --> 00:01:38,848
I'll be your baby.
I wasn't asking you to.
43
00:01:39,140 --> 00:01:41,183
You don't have to.
I'm always there for you.
44
00:01:41,475 --> 00:01:43,227
You're going through
a devastating breakup.
45
00:01:43,519 --> 00:01:44,854
I'm fine.
Oh, denial.
46
00:01:45,146 --> 00:01:47,648
First step in not wanting
to admit things.
47
00:01:47,940 --> 00:01:49,066
His Lady Gaga meat suit
went bad.
48
00:01:49,358 --> 00:01:51,360
He needs a costume
to get into the party.
49
00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:53,613
I want to be your baby.
I'll wear a diaper.
50
00:01:53,904 --> 00:01:55,573
Not a selling point.
For me it is.
51
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:57,325
Halloween is the Arbor Day
of urinating.
52
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,036
So that makes Arbor Day
the wimbledon of having sex.
53
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:03,164
Yes! You get me, bro!
Ah! Yes!
54
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,875
Well, I finally get to wear
my dream costume.
55
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:07,168
I don't have to wear
56
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,836
a stupid couples
costume this year.
57
00:02:13,382 --> 00:02:15,051
Oh, boy.
Looking good.
58
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:18,888
For the record, you're the one
that always made us
59
00:02:19,180 --> 00:02:20,723
wear couples costumes, okay?
60
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,600
Oh, that is not true.
61
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,560
Really?
Yeah.
62
00:02:24,852 --> 00:02:27,772
So it was just my idea to go
as Carlito's way Sean Penn
63
00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,483
and I Am Sam Sean Penn?
64
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:34,862
I thought you loved double Penn.
No. No, I don't.
65
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:36,447
Good luck, my friend,
66
00:02:36,739 --> 00:02:39,700
because tomorrow,
I am gonna go in the costume
67
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:42,787
that I've been dying to go in
for like 200 years or so,
68
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:45,331
and I am gonna be smoking h...
69
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:51,337
Okay, no, no.
Al, you are not going anywhere.
70
00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,923
God, you look like a finger
in a 10-hour bath.
71
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,133
Like Brett Butler
after a karate class.
72
00:02:56,425 --> 00:02:59,679
You look like Regis
after a motorcycle accident.
73
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:00,930
Right?
74
00:03:03,015 --> 00:03:04,684
Not gonna pile on?
75
00:03:04,975 --> 00:03:06,644
She's not feeling well.
That is your sister.
76
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:08,354
No one's close enough
to high-five you.
77
00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,147
Who's Brett Butler?
Grace Under Fire.
78
00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:11,399
Oh.
Oh.
79
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,484
Yup.
Yeah, I can see that.
80
00:03:23,661 --> 00:03:24,745
Ow.
81
00:03:25,037 --> 00:03:26,372
Okay, work with me here.
82
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:28,374
Don't, like, actively work
against me.
83
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,209
Okay, right, left, right.
84
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:33,045
Just like we talked about,
exactly like normal walking.
85
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:34,797
You sound like my real mom.
86
00:03:35,089 --> 00:03:36,590
"Walk this way.
Clean up your mess.
87
00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:39,635
Stop referring to my figure
as hilarious."
88
00:03:39,927 --> 00:03:42,346
Max, can you...? Can we...?
89
00:03:42,638 --> 00:03:43,973
Oh!
90
00:03:45,766 --> 00:03:47,727
Hi.
Hello.
91
00:03:48,018 --> 00:03:49,937
So you heading into the party?
92
00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:51,230
Yeppers.
You betcha.
93
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:52,481
I'm Rick.
94
00:03:52,773 --> 00:03:54,275
Penny.
Max.
95
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,778
Just to clarify, which one of us
are you flirting with mainly?
96
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:00,906
The mom, exclusively.
Fair enough.
97
00:04:01,198 --> 00:04:03,534
Maybe I'll see you inside
the party, milady?
98
00:04:03,826 --> 00:04:05,828
Maybe you will, my president.
99
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,247
Sire.
100
00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:10,833
Being straight
sounds like so much work.
101
00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,710
I know, it is.
Do I make you horny?
102
00:04:15,129 --> 00:04:17,298
That is the costume
you were dying to wear?
103
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:19,800
Yeah, baby, yeah.
Just talk normally.
104
00:04:20,092 --> 00:04:21,343
No, baby, no.
105
00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:23,763
Okay, fine. Guys, Austin Powers.
106
00:04:24,054 --> 00:04:25,514
Isn't this sweet?
107
00:04:25,806 --> 00:04:27,767
I just wish Alex was here
to see this costume kill.
108
00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:29,935
She's out of it.
When I put her to bed,
109
00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:31,312
she said she couldn't marry me
110
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,397
because her father
owned the plantation.
111
00:04:33,689 --> 00:04:34,899
I don't think she'll join us.
112
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,067
Well, guess again.
What?
113
00:04:37,359 --> 00:04:40,654
Someone had a different idea.
Who?
114
00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:43,032
What was the initial idea?
Just look over there.
115
00:05:04,428 --> 00:05:05,930
Hey, guys.
116
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:08,891
Good news. Whatever I have
is not from the bird I kissed.
117
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:10,476
Oh.
118
00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:12,645
Can't believe you wouldn't wear
your egg costume.
119
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,231
What's bacon without eggs?
120
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,149
I'm not gonna waste
my Denver omelet costume
121
00:05:17,441 --> 00:05:18,943
on a night in the suburbs.
122
00:05:19,235 --> 00:05:21,111
You signed us up
to house-sit on Halloween.
123
00:05:21,403 --> 00:05:22,696
Come on.
Don't you want to see
124
00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:24,907
all those
cute little trick-or-treaters?
125
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:26,951
If I want to watch kids,
I'll open a playground.
126
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:28,702
What? Come on.
127
00:05:28,994 --> 00:05:30,538
It'll be like
test-driving our future.
128
00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,248
We want to raise kids
in the suburbs.
129
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:33,874
I want to raise kids
in the city.
130
00:05:34,166 --> 00:05:35,918
Suburbs are boring.
The city's awesome.
131
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:37,837
No. City kids grow up
way too fast.
132
00:05:38,128 --> 00:05:39,129
They drink, they smoke,
133
00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:40,923
they get addicted
to riverboat pai gow
134
00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:43,467
and have to steal then sell
their dad's carpet-cleaning van
135
00:05:43,759 --> 00:05:45,344
and blame it on Alex.
136
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:47,429
Man,
that pai gow's a tricky bitch.
137
00:05:47,721 --> 00:05:49,515
It'll rob you of everything.
Yeah.
138
00:05:52,601 --> 00:05:55,145
Well, Al, what do you think?
Super topical.
139
00:05:55,437 --> 00:05:57,481
Can't wait to see your Borat
costume in nine years.
140
00:05:57,773 --> 00:06:02,570
It's not gonna be nice.
Like, "Wow. wee, wah, wah, wah."
141
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:04,154
Okay, never do that again.
142
00:06:04,446 --> 00:06:05,948
This costume is amazing.
143
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,326
Crushed velvet suit,
period glasses, period tee...
144
00:06:09,618 --> 00:06:12,371
Teeth! Oh, I forgot my teeth
in the cab.
145
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:14,874
Doesn't matter.
Still gonna kill it.
146
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:18,669
Hey, shall we shag now
147
00:06:18,961 --> 00:06:20,880
or shag later, baby? Yeah.
148
00:06:21,171 --> 00:06:22,423
Sweet Elton John costume.
149
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,592
Elton John?
150
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:26,260
You do look like Elton John.
151
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:29,013
You sound like Brett Butler.
Jane already used that.
152
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:30,806
No, she said
you look like Brett Butler.
153
00:06:31,098 --> 00:06:32,099
Really?
Yeah.
154
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:33,642
Excuse me.
I just had to tell you,
155
00:06:33,934 --> 00:06:36,562
you are the most amazing Marilyn
I have ever seen.
156
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:39,189
Seriously.
Hi, I'm Henry, by the way.
157
00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:40,524
Thanks. I'm Alex.
158
00:06:40,816 --> 00:06:42,693
And a sexy voice to match.
Ah...
159
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:44,278
Can I buy you a drink?
Ow!
160
00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:45,863
Oh, I'm sorry.
Are you guys together?
161
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,698
Yeah, baby!
162
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:49,992
No,
actually, we're not together.
163
00:06:50,284 --> 00:06:52,745
We're just friends. Funny story.
There was this Rollerblader...
164
00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:55,039
I'd love to get a drink.
165
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,878
Uh, can I get a shot?
166
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,506
Aw, look at how beautiful
Breezy Acres is.
167
00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:06,508
They named their house?
Who names their house?
168
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,093
You named
your favorite sweatpants.
169
00:07:08,385 --> 00:07:09,762
Leave Karen out of this.
170
00:07:10,054 --> 00:07:12,306
You're telling me
that you wouldn't want to live
171
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:13,557
in a place like this?
172
00:07:13,849 --> 00:07:14,433
I mean, square footage, check.
173
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,686
Sound of crickets in the yard,
check.
174
00:07:17,978 --> 00:07:20,731
Quiche stone in the kitchen,
check plus.
175
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,149
I do not want those things.
176
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:23,734
Oh.
Except the quiche stone.
177
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,070
That will pay for itself
in three quiches.
178
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,614
That's true.
Luckily, we can get one of those
179
00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:29,949
in the city.
180
00:07:30,240 --> 00:07:32,159
You know what you can't get
in the city?
181
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,413
Oh, no, you didn't!
182
00:07:36,705 --> 00:07:38,666
Breezy Acres has a hot tub?
183
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,417
Yes, it do.
184
00:07:40,709 --> 00:07:42,836
I can't wait
to get in that thing with you.
185
00:07:43,128 --> 00:07:44,171
Oh, we're gonna get so hot,
186
00:07:44,463 --> 00:07:45,881
we're gonna
make our own bubbles.
187
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:47,800
What?
188
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:49,301
I get why that's not sexy.
189
00:07:49,593 --> 00:07:51,887
I'll give you the benefit
of the doubt.
190
00:07:52,179 --> 00:07:54,139
Ooh. Tut-tut-tut.
191
00:07:54,431 --> 00:07:55,683
First we have to hand out
the candy.
192
00:07:57,851 --> 00:07:59,520
Let's just make a sign
and have the kids meet us
193
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,105
back at the tub.
194
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:03,857
Oh, okay. So your plan
is to use the promise of candy
195
00:08:04,149 --> 00:08:05,776
to lure children
to a man in a hot tub?
196
00:08:06,068 --> 00:08:07,987
Well, now that I heard
the plan out loud,
197
00:08:08,278 --> 00:08:09,238
I like it even more.
198
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:11,198
Clean it up, Polanski.
199
00:08:22,710 --> 00:08:24,128
Hey, you wanna dance?
200
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:26,005
Yes.
No.
201
00:08:26,296 --> 00:08:28,799
Max, come on. I really like him.
He's funny. Be my wing-baby.
202
00:08:29,091 --> 00:08:30,259
Fine, one dance.
203
00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:33,303
Dance accepted,
Señor El Presidente.
204
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:38,726
All right, cats and kittens,
205
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,770
let's take it down
for a slow dance.
206
00:08:42,062 --> 00:08:44,064
Ah, whew! Ha-ha.
207
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:45,983
I am beat.
Say we go get a drink?
208
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,819
Everybody could use a drink.
I know I could.
209
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,367
Get out of here.
210
00:08:57,077 --> 00:08:58,746
Go!
211
00:09:02,332 --> 00:09:05,669
Trick or treat!
212
00:09:05,961 --> 00:09:08,505
Look at you little munchkins.
You're so cute.
213
00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:10,674
Okay, you know the drill.
Everyone take one.
214
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:15,512
Oh, hot tub,
I want me inside you.
215
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:21,060
Help yourself.
Your choices are candy or candy.
216
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:23,437
Clock's ticking.
217
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,189
All right.
Here's what we're gonna do.
218
00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,774
We're gonna put
this right down here.
219
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:30,110
Honor system.
All right? Come on.
220
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:32,613
Okay. All right.
See you later.
221
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,824
What are you doing?
Us a favor. Now let's tub.
222
00:09:36,116 --> 00:09:37,576
No, no, I want
to hand out the candy, okay?
223
00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:39,495
That's all part
of the suburban experience.
224
00:09:41,538 --> 00:09:42,915
What?
225
00:09:43,207 --> 00:09:45,709
You're out.
Sorry, doc.
226
00:09:46,001 --> 00:09:48,962
Guess you
have to go St. Elsewhere.
227
00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:54,593
You should get some more candy.
The big kids are coming.
228
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,220
What does that mean?
229
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:58,138
You'll see.
230
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:04,228
Hey, so I really
kind of dig your friend.
231
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,190
Yeah, Alex is super cool.
We split up a while back.
232
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,609
Been doing my own thing.
Love being back in the game.
233
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,111
Hate myself for calling it
the game
234
00:10:12,402 --> 00:10:13,695
but what are you gonna do?
235
00:10:13,987 --> 00:10:15,614
It's the game.
That's really amazing, man.
236
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,491
So, Alex.
237
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:19,243
What's his story?
238
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:22,329
I'm sorry. What?
Alex, your ex-boyfriend.
239
00:10:22,621 --> 00:10:24,331
What's up with him?
Uh...
240
00:10:26,041 --> 00:10:28,293
Seriously, man.
What's his deal?
241
00:10:28,585 --> 00:10:30,295
Uh...
242
00:10:36,635 --> 00:10:39,972
I'm so glad I came out tonight.
You came out tonight?
243
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:41,265
I wasn't gonna come out.
244
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:43,100
But when my friend
was tucking me in
245
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,686
before the party,
I was like, "This is ridiculous.
246
00:10:45,978 --> 00:10:47,437
I have to come out."
Excuse me.
247
00:10:47,729 --> 00:10:49,356
Hey, Al,
can I talk to you for a sec?
248
00:10:51,608 --> 00:10:54,027
Al, you might wanna take a beat
on this Henry character...
249
00:10:54,319 --> 00:10:57,573
Just stop right there.
I know what's going on.
250
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:58,991
You do?
Yes.
251
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,910
Your idiotic solo costume
isn't working
252
00:11:02,202 --> 00:11:05,330
and mine is killing so hard
that I met someone.
253
00:11:05,622 --> 00:11:07,958
And who knows?
We might have something.
254
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:09,918
Oh, he definitely thinks
you have something.
255
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:14,047
Best wishes.
Thanks.
256
00:11:16,967 --> 00:11:18,760
What are we gonna do?
257
00:11:19,052 --> 00:11:20,470
- We are out of candy.
- Don't worry.
258
00:11:20,762 --> 00:11:21,722
I have a plan.
259
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:26,268
Yogurt.
260
00:11:27,811 --> 00:11:29,104
Wheat bread. Lunch meat.
261
00:11:29,396 --> 00:11:31,440
Heavy cream.
Sandwich bag.
262
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,400
Box the sandwich bags came in.
263
00:11:33,692 --> 00:11:36,195
For you guys, an entire cake.
264
00:11:36,486 --> 00:11:38,906
Here you go.
Have a nice night, fellas.
265
00:11:40,949 --> 00:11:43,118
See, Jane?
Told you we don't need candy.
266
00:11:43,410 --> 00:11:45,037
Everything
is gonna be just fine...
267
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,790
Little... Oh!
268
00:11:49,082 --> 00:11:51,752
Ha, ha! Very funny, guys!
269
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,420
Hilarious!
270
00:11:53,712 --> 00:11:55,047
God!
271
00:11:55,339 --> 00:11:58,050
What are we gonna do?
Look, I have a plan.
272
00:11:58,342 --> 00:12:00,260
What we're gonna do is,
turn off all the lights,
273
00:12:00,552 --> 00:12:03,430
pretend like we're not home
and hide, in the hot tub.
274
00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:07,851
Oh!
275
00:12:10,646 --> 00:12:14,441
"We know you're home.
Get candy. Over."
276
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:15,943
"Over"?
277
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,906
"No Smarties." Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, they're gross.
278
00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:25,202
Now that you got a good base,
you wanna use taquitos as bricks
279
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:26,870
and nacho cheese as mortar.
280
00:12:27,162 --> 00:12:29,039
Then take both hands,
grab one handful of lettuce,
281
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:30,457
one of Monte Cristo sandwich.
282
00:12:30,749 --> 00:12:31,833
Throw the lettuce away.
283
00:12:32,125 --> 00:12:33,502
Grab a second Monte Cristo
sandwich.
284
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,796
What? This just seems reckless.
Hey, I have a system.
285
00:12:36,088 --> 00:12:37,881
Now grab that last crunchy
piece of mac and cheese
286
00:12:38,173 --> 00:12:40,175
before someone else grabs it.
287
00:12:40,467 --> 00:12:42,052
Better watch yourself, Beardo.
288
00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:45,222
No, you better watch it, baby.
Wait a minute.
289
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,933
Nice plate.
290
00:12:48,225 --> 00:12:50,560
You are hitting this buffet
so hard right now.
291
00:12:50,852 --> 00:12:52,229
Thanks, bitch.
292
00:12:52,521 --> 00:12:54,606
What's up? My name is Max.
I'm A.J.
293
00:12:54,898 --> 00:12:57,150
I like the way you like food.
Thanks. I like your costume.
294
00:12:57,442 --> 00:12:58,652
Is that ZZ Top Gun?
Mm-hm.
295
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:00,612
That is the first thing
I have genuinely liked
296
00:13:00,904 --> 00:13:02,072
since Barbara waiters exploded.
297
00:13:02,364 --> 00:13:03,657
She's still alive,
298
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:05,534
but that's incredibly
kind of you to say.
299
00:13:05,826 --> 00:13:07,369
Where'd you get
that delicious turkey leg?
300
00:13:07,661 --> 00:13:08,537
Back over yonder.
301
00:13:08,829 --> 00:13:10,580
Pen, could you head back
over yonder,
302
00:13:10,872 --> 00:13:12,165
grab the boys a couple legs
of turkey?
303
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:13,667
No, I can't. we're connected.
304
00:13:13,959 --> 00:13:16,086
How about I grab you one,
then grab us a table?
305
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:17,921
Sounds good, bro.
Turkey party.
306
00:13:18,213 --> 00:13:19,214
Boom.
Boom.
307
00:13:19,506 --> 00:13:20,799
Okay,
your weird gay turkey party
308
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:22,509
is gonna have to wait,
309
00:13:22,801 --> 00:13:25,721
because slutty Betsy Ross
is moving in on my Lincoln!
310
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,348
But I wanna go to my weird,
gay turkey party.
311
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:30,350
Then get out of the costume.
I can't!
312
00:13:30,642 --> 00:13:32,185
I took my boxers off an hour
and a half ago.
313
00:13:32,477 --> 00:13:33,645
It is getting hot in here.
314
00:13:33,937 --> 00:13:35,647
I'm wearing
a one-piece bathing suit.
315
00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:37,232
Fine. We'll take turns.
Fine.
316
00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:38,483
Fine.
Good.
317
00:13:38,775 --> 00:13:39,735
Fine. Good.
318
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,361
No. No.
No.
319
00:13:41,653 --> 00:13:42,988
Ow! Ow!
320
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,323
Ow!
321
00:13:47,075 --> 00:13:48,118
Got it.
322
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,037
Can't believe
you didn't wear your costume.
323
00:13:50,329 --> 00:13:52,914
We look like idiots.
"we" look like idiots?
324
00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:56,585
Officer, we tried calling you,
and then we got put on hold.
325
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:58,754
There's big kids throwing bricks
and whatnot.
326
00:13:59,046 --> 00:14:01,214
Actually, I'm not a cop.
This is just a costume.
327
00:14:01,506 --> 00:14:03,091
Oh.
Oh, sorry about that.
328
00:14:04,301 --> 00:14:06,136
Great costume.
329
00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,138
Just get the candy
and get out of here.
330
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,389
Right.
331
00:14:09,681 --> 00:14:10,849
No.
No, no, no.
332
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,601
This can't be happening.
333
00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,562
Let's go back to the city.
No. we have an obligation
334
00:14:15,854 --> 00:14:18,023
to take care of Breezy Acres.
That's what we'll do.
335
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,193
Excuse me, is there any candy
anywhere else in this store?
336
00:14:21,485 --> 00:14:23,737
Sorry, I don't work here.
This is just a costume.
337
00:14:24,029 --> 00:14:26,948
For the love of God,
does anybody actually work here?
338
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,325
I can take you on one.
339
00:14:32,412 --> 00:14:35,457
Oh, baby took a big bite
that time.
340
00:14:35,749 --> 00:14:37,459
Now, Penny, you feed A.J.
the turkey leg.
341
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,919
Yeah, yeah, Penny,
342
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,296
give me that big, dark,
wet meat right there.
343
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,548
And that's your time, Max.
My turn.
344
00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,467
Let's go talk to Rick.
Bye, A.J.
345
00:14:45,759 --> 00:14:48,095
Penny, look,
I have something to tell you.
346
00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:49,596
Rick died.
Max, come on.
347
00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,640
I'm serious.
I read that he was in a fire
348
00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,850
and got shot to death.
Max, he's right there.
349
00:14:54,142 --> 00:14:55,519
I wanna go back
and hang out with A.J.
350
00:14:55,811 --> 00:14:58,146
Besides, you know
whatever relationship
351
00:14:58,438 --> 00:15:00,732
you get in with Rick
will last three weeks.
352
00:15:01,024 --> 00:15:01,983
Max, that's kinda harsh.
353
00:15:02,275 --> 00:15:03,568
Yeah, I felt it.
It wasn't great.
354
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:05,028
It wasn't.
Didn't feel good.
355
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,114
You deserve better
than these guys.
356
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:09,324
You need a king or something,
not this guy Rick.
357
00:15:09,616 --> 00:15:12,828
P.S., his jokes are terrible
and his belly button smells...
358
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,331
Well, that hurt my feelings.
359
00:15:16,623 --> 00:15:19,000
A good night to you both.
360
00:15:19,292 --> 00:15:22,337
Bye.
Thanks a lot, Max.
361
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:24,172
For the record,
that was me storming off.
362
00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:26,383
Yeah? well, for the record,
this is me storming off.
363
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:29,261
Put me down!
364
00:15:29,553 --> 00:15:30,887
Can I be honest about something?
365
00:15:31,179 --> 00:15:32,806
What you've got going on
right here
366
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:35,434
is very impressive.
367
00:15:35,725 --> 00:15:38,770
You've got some legit hooters.
Thanks.
368
00:15:39,062 --> 00:15:41,064
They look so real.
When did you get them?
369
00:15:41,356 --> 00:15:43,984
Eighth grade.
Can I touch them?
370
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,278
Those aren't run-of-the-mill
chicken cutlets.
371
00:15:46,570 --> 00:15:48,447
You're entering
the drag queen contest, right?
372
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:50,073
You'll crush those bitches.
373
00:15:50,365 --> 00:15:52,367
That would be kind of unfair.
Oh, yeah, big time.
374
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:55,745
Could you give me a second?
Yeah, sure.
375
00:15:57,998 --> 00:16:00,750
Nice costume, Piano Man.
No, no, no.
376
00:16:01,042 --> 00:16:02,544
"Piano Man" is Billy Joel,
not Elton John.
377
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:03,962
And I'm not Elton John.
I'm Austin Powers, internat...
378
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:06,256
Dave, Dave.
379
00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:08,091
You're right.
Something off about Henry.
380
00:16:08,383 --> 00:16:09,509
I didn't think I'd be able
381
00:16:09,801 --> 00:16:11,386
to use this line
in context, but...
382
00:16:11,678 --> 00:16:14,431
...he thinks you're a man, baby.
383
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:15,932
How could he think I'm a dude?
384
00:16:16,224 --> 00:16:17,767
There's no way
he thinks I'm a dude.
385
00:16:18,059 --> 00:16:19,769
You wanna get out of here, dude?
386
00:16:20,061 --> 00:16:21,188
That doesn't prove anything.
387
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,814
I can't wait to see your penis.
388
00:16:27,944 --> 00:16:30,405
It was a little weird buying
candy out of a man's trunk.
389
00:16:30,697 --> 00:16:32,699
At least, it was expensive.
Yeah, but we're fine now.
390
00:16:32,991 --> 00:16:35,118
We've got candy.
All is good.
391
00:16:36,953 --> 00:16:38,371
Didn't this house
used to have a door?
392
00:16:42,667 --> 00:16:45,253
"We have your door. Over.
393
00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:46,922
This isn't over."
394
00:16:47,214 --> 00:16:48,924
Ah! That's it!
395
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,759
I'm getting the door back.
396
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:52,928
This ends now!
397
00:16:56,097 --> 00:16:58,808
"Over. This isn't over."
398
00:16:59,100 --> 00:17:02,687
God, these kids are clever.
Good, good schools out here.
399
00:17:04,272 --> 00:17:06,191
Hey, you seen my door?
No, man.
400
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:07,901
Come on, dude!
401
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:12,364
Hey, lady.
Seen a door around here?
402
00:17:12,656 --> 00:17:15,158
Do you know...?
Give me that damn candy.
403
00:17:16,952 --> 00:17:18,245
Everybody was right.
404
00:17:18,537 --> 00:17:21,081
Couples costumes suck
on so many levels.
405
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:25,001
Look, I said I was sorry, Pen.
406
00:17:25,293 --> 00:17:27,003
Is now a bad time
to ask you to shake...?
407
00:17:27,295 --> 00:17:29,381
Yes, it would.
Jump up or down or shiver?
408
00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,925
Not gonna do any of that.
409
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:34,678
Look, I don't know if Rick's
a good guy, but I do know
410
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:36,763
that you're the greatest girl
in the world.
411
00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:38,515
And if you wanna be with him,
412
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,392
I will gallantly sacrifice
413
00:17:40,684 --> 00:17:41,935
my budding relationship
with A.J.,
414
00:17:42,227 --> 00:17:43,979
who just might be
the greatest guy I've ever met,
415
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:46,022
so that you can be with Rick.
This A.J.?
416
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:54,197
Gallantly sacrifice.
Thanks.
417
00:17:54,489 --> 00:17:56,283
But how do I get Rick back?
He hates you.
418
00:17:56,575 --> 00:17:57,659
Hold up.
419
00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,661
Still wearing that bathing suit?
Yeah.
420
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:01,246
Yes!
421
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:10,005
Go.
422
00:18:10,297 --> 00:18:12,257
Go get you some Rick.
423
00:18:17,178 --> 00:18:18,305
Brad?
424
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:24,019
Oh, no.
425
00:18:26,730 --> 00:18:27,814
Ah!
426
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,526
Hey!
427
00:18:31,818 --> 00:18:34,070
Hey, fella.
Couldn't help but notice
428
00:18:34,362 --> 00:18:36,406
that you stole my door,
you little buster.
429
00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:38,158
This is the property
of Breezy Acres
430
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:39,993
and I'm taking back the night.
431
00:18:40,285 --> 00:18:42,078
The door too.
Dude, this is my costume.
432
00:18:42,370 --> 00:18:44,039
Going to a Halloween party
with some friends.
433
00:18:44,331 --> 00:18:46,166
Yeah?
We're The Doors.
434
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,667
The band.
435
00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,337
Really?
Yeah.
436
00:18:50,629 --> 00:18:51,129
Then which one are you?
Ray Manzarek.
437
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,798
Ah! It's not a real name!
438
00:18:54,090 --> 00:18:55,091
Give me that... No, that's...
439
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:57,385
Give me it. Give me it!
Okay.
440
00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,679
Take this back where it belongs.
441
00:18:59,971 --> 00:19:01,723
This is heavy.
A little bit, right?
442
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,183
Proud of you, man.
Thanks.
443
00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:04,434
Psych!
444
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:09,564
I think Ray Manzarek's
a real guy.
445
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:11,858
Brad, you were right.
The suburbs are horrible.
446
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:14,110
You know what?
I respectfully disagree.
447
00:19:14,402 --> 00:19:15,820
The suburbs
are way more exciting
448
00:19:16,112 --> 00:19:18,198
than I ever thought.
I've never felt this alive.
449
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,033
We will stay
450
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,535
and we will fight,
and we will win.
451
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,664
Woo-hoo! Yes! Yeah, sucker!
452
00:19:25,955 --> 00:19:27,749
Looks like bacon finally
got its eggs, huh?
453
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,003
Whoo! Nailed it!
454
00:19:32,295 --> 00:19:34,964
Oh, come on!
Who bacons somebody?
455
00:19:39,886 --> 00:19:42,722
You okay?
This night sucked.
456
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:44,766
Been a rough night for me too.
457
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,436
This Elton John, Austin Powers
thing has been a real disas...
458
00:19:48,728 --> 00:19:50,897
Yours is worse.
Back to your thing.
459
00:19:51,189 --> 00:19:52,649
It's just that...
Am I regretting paying
460
00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:54,359
for that rush shipping
on this costume.
461
00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,111
I'm sorry. Back to you.
462
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,488
I can't believe
I look like a man.
463
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:01,700
Al, you are beautiful.
464
00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:03,368
You don't look like a man.
465
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,787
You sound like a man
and you have a man's name
466
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:07,831
and you're wearing
the most iconic drag costume
467
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,249
of all time.
468
00:20:09,541 --> 00:20:10,917
But on the bright side,
469
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:13,336
the hottest guy here thinks
you're the hottest guy here.
470
00:20:13,628 --> 00:20:14,754
Not what I was going for.
471
00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:16,840
Sometimes you just
gotta roll with it.
472
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:20,051
God gave you melons.
Make melon-ade.
473
00:20:24,347 --> 00:20:26,808
So nice to be back in the city
where everything's normal.
474
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,059
Our next contestant
475
00:20:28,351 --> 00:20:30,395
for the drag queen contest:
476
00:20:30,687 --> 00:20:32,397
Alex Kerkovich!
477
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:46,870
Hey, guys. So this is Rick.
478
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:49,664
Yep, totally normal.
479
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,974
I think that it's adorable
that you guys decided
480
00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:09,642
to go with a couples
costume after all.
481
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,978
What?
Elton John and Marilyn Monroe.
482
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:13,980
"Candle in the wind"?
Brilliant.
483
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:16,941
All right, all right.
We'll take it.
484
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,777
I can't believe I got runner-up.
485
00:21:19,068 --> 00:21:20,737
I was totally robbed.
486
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,323
Yeah, well...
487
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:24,824
what does he have
that I don't have?
488
00:21:25,116 --> 00:21:28,119
A big, huge...
35688
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