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1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:03,169
Here's to the one-year
anniversary
2
00:00:03,461 --> 00:00:04,879
of you running out our wedding.
3
00:00:05,171 --> 00:00:06,964
At least we're finally using
the free honeymoon suite.
4
00:00:07,256 --> 00:00:09,217
Yeah, well, not exactly the way
I thought we'd be using it.
5
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,386
Hey, guys.
Get some shrimp.
6
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:13,971
Happy anniversary.
7
00:00:14,263 --> 00:00:16,474
Happy anniversary.
Happy anniversary.
8
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:17,934
I'm glad you all could be here
9
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:19,018
to commemorate
the worst day of my life.
10
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:21,938
I thought the worst day
was when you didn't get on stage
11
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:23,648
at that Spin Doctors concert.
12
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:25,525
Or when your mom taught
our sex-ed class.
13
00:00:25,816 --> 00:00:28,986
What about the day we made you
wear your visor rightside up?
14
00:00:29,278 --> 00:00:32,281
I thought the worst was the day
was that haircut you have now.
15
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,534
Remember that time
when I got my shirt caught...?
16
00:00:34,825 --> 00:00:36,827
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Why am I participating in this?
17
00:00:37,119 --> 00:00:38,246
Who wants an oyster?
Me.
18
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:42,333
No, none for me.
I am allergic to shellfish.
19
00:00:42,625 --> 00:00:44,252
She gets all pukey and twitchy.
20
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,044
Then I gotta take care of her
all night,
21
00:00:46,087 --> 00:00:49,423
which I find very rewarding.
22
00:00:49,715 --> 00:00:51,342
Wait, keep them away
from Dave also.
23
00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,678
'Cause he's super allergic.
Yeah, super allergic.
24
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:55,263
Why didn't you get these
pre-shucked?
25
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,681
This is so much work.
26
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:59,058
Penny, you're sweet,
but so, so dumb.
27
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,769
You wanna eat your oysters
as soon as they've been shucked.
28
00:01:02,061 --> 00:01:03,980
That's true.
Now, when shucking an oyster,
29
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,982
you really want to make sure
that you get in there.
30
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,276
These oysters
are from the northern part of...
31
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:14,824
You stabbed me, dude.
32
00:01:15,116 --> 00:01:17,785
I stabbed you, dude!
I stabbed you, dude!
33
00:01:18,077 --> 00:01:19,537
Guys. Guys.
34
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:20,955
- Oh, my God.
- I got it.
35
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:22,373
Get my EpiPen.
It's in my purse.
36
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,209
Okay.
Get this knife out of me!
37
00:01:26,627 --> 00:01:28,963
I got it. I got it.
Oh, God.
38
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:30,881
I got it. What do I do?
39
00:01:31,173 --> 00:01:33,759
You can't touch shellfish too.
Oh, right.
40
00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:35,386
What do I do?
I only have one shot!
41
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,638
Throat's closing.
42
00:01:37,930 --> 00:01:39,765
S What do I do?
43
00:01:40,057 --> 00:01:41,892
All right, okay,
I'm not allergic to shellfish.
44
00:01:42,184 --> 00:01:43,603
What?
Oh, God,
45
00:01:43,894 --> 00:01:45,021
here comes the pukes.
46
00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:46,856
When you do it, it makes me...
47
00:01:48,482 --> 00:01:49,442
I can't hear the sound.
48
00:01:49,734 --> 00:01:50,109
Okay, everybody chill.
49
00:01:59,243 --> 00:02:01,370
Should we order a movie?
50
00:02:01,662 --> 00:02:04,165
Lincoln Lawyer. I love
these opening credits.
51
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:19,680
Ladies and gays,
welcome to my new home.
52
00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:22,058
Excuse me,
but Max is the only gay aqui.
53
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,518
I don't know.
Many think you're on the low.
54
00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:27,396
This is surprisingly nice.
Agreed. Yeah.
55
00:02:27,688 --> 00:02:29,607
It's two bedrooms,
two and a half baths.
56
00:02:29,899 --> 00:02:31,609
Italian-marble countertops.
57
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:33,152
In a word, amazing.
58
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:35,446
Again? Just gonna ride
that into the ground.
59
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,156
It's always been my dream
to be a homeowner.
60
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,326
Why wait to get married
to buy my first place?
61
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:41,827
We are so proud of you.
62
00:02:42,119 --> 00:02:43,996
This is gonna be
the year of Penny.
63
00:02:44,288 --> 00:02:45,164
Who wants to twirl with me?
64
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,000
Whoo! Whoo!
65
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,296
Ha, ha!
66
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:54,590
Hooray!
67
00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:57,635
What?
68
00:02:57,927 --> 00:02:59,303
Oh, now a brother can't twirl?
69
00:02:59,595 --> 00:03:00,846
Dude, you psyched
for movie night?
70
00:03:01,138 --> 00:03:02,640
I got all the best
black-and-white classics.
71
00:03:02,932 --> 00:03:05,476
Lethal Weapon, Trading Places,
Beverly Hills Cop.
72
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:07,937
Beverly Hills Cop
is black and white and white.
73
00:03:08,229 --> 00:03:09,313
What about Men In Black?
74
00:03:09,605 --> 00:03:10,940
That's black and white in black.
75
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:13,192
What about Erin Brockovich?
Just white as hell.
76
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:15,361
Royal Tenenbaums?
Come on, that's white.
77
00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:18,614
White, white, white, white,
white, white, white, white.
78
00:03:18,906 --> 00:03:23,035
Black, brown and white.
79
00:03:23,327 --> 00:03:24,328
Damn, trick.
80
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:25,579
I'm not gonna be able make it.
81
00:03:25,871 --> 00:03:27,123
I gotta work late.
82
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,874
What? This is the third time
83
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:30,793
you bailed on me in two weeks.
We never hang anymore.
84
00:03:31,085 --> 00:03:32,962
Dude, it's just getting crazy
over there, you know.
85
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,506
Is this because I stabbed you?
I said I was sorry.
86
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:37,883
You did not say you were sorry.
I did say...
87
00:03:38,175 --> 00:03:39,677
No, you said,
"Comme ci, comme ça."
88
00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,429
"That was pretty cool
how it went in your leg."
89
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,888
"I thought
there'd be more blood."
90
00:03:43,180 --> 00:03:44,515
That's my version of an apology,
91
00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:45,766
and it's pretty heartfelt.
92
00:03:46,058 --> 00:03:47,560
Come on, let's hang out.
93
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:50,354
Come on, I don't do well
when I'm alone.
94
00:03:50,646 --> 00:03:54,525
So how's Penny's new place?
95
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,402
It's awesome,
but you're probably allergic.
96
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:58,279
Listen, Al, I only lied to you
97
00:03:58,571 --> 00:03:59,947
because I didn't have the heart
to tell you
98
00:04:00,239 --> 00:04:02,199
your jambalaya's
the most disgusting I've tasted.
99
00:04:02,491 --> 00:04:03,826
No offense.
Offense.
100
00:04:04,118 --> 00:04:06,370
Guys, every couple has lies
they tell each other.
101
00:04:06,662 --> 00:04:08,205
Not Brad and me, we're perfect...
102
00:04:08,497 --> 00:04:10,291
He bought a motorcycle,
crashed it,
103
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,460
and then sold the parts
to his cousin, Randall.
104
00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:18,758
I knew that.
I mean, he is a wild hog.
105
00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:22,178
Anyway, you two have a chance
to start over as friends.
106
00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:25,931
So why don't you clean the slate
and just be honest from now on?
107
00:04:26,223 --> 00:04:28,934
I guess we could try.
Trust me, you will feel better.
108
00:04:29,226 --> 00:04:30,352
Okay, um...
109
00:04:30,644 --> 00:04:31,854
I never really liked
your goatee.
110
00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:35,065
Oh. Didn't...
Was not really aware of that.
111
00:04:35,357 --> 00:04:36,984
Um, okay.
112
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:38,652
I don't really love
your favorite perfume.
113
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:40,780
I hate your mom.
114
00:04:41,071 --> 00:04:42,948
Okay, that's a good start
for today.
115
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,493
No, no, no. She wants to play,
I can play.
116
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:48,204
All right.
I'm not really afraid of dogs.
117
00:04:48,496 --> 00:04:51,123
I was just afraid of what would
happen if you owned one.
118
00:04:52,666 --> 00:04:53,667
Okay, you know those stupid
119
00:04:53,959 --> 00:04:54,960
webbed barefoot-running socks?
120
00:04:55,252 --> 00:04:56,545
They weren't bad for your calves
121
00:04:56,837 --> 00:04:58,589
They were bad for my ability
to wanna have sex with you.
122
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:00,883
Oh!
123
00:05:01,175 --> 00:05:04,720
Okay. Richard Gere is not
a Hurricane Katrina denier.
124
00:05:05,012 --> 00:05:06,263
What?
Yeah, I just said that to you
125
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:08,557
so we didn't have to watch
Pretty Woman for the 74th time.
126
00:05:08,849 --> 00:05:10,351
You know your friend, Glazer?
127
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,520
He didn't actually steal my bra
and sell it on Craigslist.
128
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:15,231
I couldn't spend another Sunday
watching you two play frolf.
129
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,358
Frolf?
Frisbee golf.
130
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:19,026
Okay, you know that thing
under your mantel
131
00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:20,945
that I told you
was a tiny brick closet?
132
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:22,488
It's a working fireplace.
133
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:24,406
I was afraid you were gonna burn
the building down.
134
00:05:24,698 --> 00:05:26,200
Okay, well, I hated that song
you wrote for me.
135
00:05:26,492 --> 00:05:28,702
"Love to the Power of Love."
You said it made you cry.
136
00:05:28,994 --> 00:05:31,288
It was 12 minutes long.
Oh, and terrible.
137
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:32,706
You wanna know terrible?
Yeah.
138
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:34,959
That stupid Hula-Hoop
dance you do.
139
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,752
Oh, yeah? Yeah, this one here?
140
00:05:37,044 --> 00:05:38,629
Where I take the hula hoop,
I put it on and do this?
141
00:05:38,921 --> 00:05:41,090
And I shake it, shake it.
Still terrible.
142
00:05:41,382 --> 00:05:43,592
Bring it up. On the neck.
Look, I take it to the neck.
143
00:05:43,884 --> 00:05:45,719
Hey, let's hoop it on down.
144
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:47,263
You don't like this?
Hoop it on down.
145
00:05:47,555 --> 00:05:49,932
Wow, that was healthy.
146
00:05:50,224 --> 00:05:51,684
God, now that you guys
aren't together,
147
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:54,353
you are able to sing your songs,
and hoop around,
148
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,606
and watch your Gere movies,
and play your frolf.
149
00:05:57,898 --> 00:05:59,191
I mean, phew!
150
00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:03,112
You feel great? I feel great.
I might get bangs.
151
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,739
No, I'm not gonna do that.
Jane, you crazy.
152
00:06:06,031 --> 00:06:08,158
I'm gonna go back to work.
Go to work!
153
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:10,452
Thanks for helping me
pick out this lamp, Jeremy.
154
00:06:10,744 --> 00:06:12,371
Thanks for your number.
Thanks for asking.
155
00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:15,541
I'd say this afternoon
has been "illuminating."
156
00:06:15,833 --> 00:06:17,960
We're gonna quit while you're behind.
The lamp.
157
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,421
See? Year of Penny is firing
on all cylinders.
158
00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,006
I buy a condo to prove
159
00:06:22,298 --> 00:06:23,966
I don't need a guy
to get on with my life, boom,
160
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,719
I meet a guy I wouldn't have met
if I hadn't bought a condo.
161
00:06:27,011 --> 00:06:28,596
We get it, you have a condo.
162
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,598
Well, it's a pretty big deal.
What the hell?
163
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,725
What? Brad said he
was working late.
164
00:06:33,017 --> 00:06:33,976
So?
So if that's work,
165
00:06:34,268 --> 00:06:35,728
I should be considered
166
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,730
one of Chicago Business Weekly's
top 30 under 30.
167
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:39,565
He's just hanging
with some guys.
168
00:06:39,857 --> 00:06:41,066
Don't make a big deal
out of this.
169
00:06:41,358 --> 00:06:42,818
So are you gonna
make a big deal out of it?
170
00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:45,654
Well, I don't think
that's a very bright idea.
171
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:47,907
I gotta buy a bulb
and take this to the next level.
172
00:06:48,198 --> 00:06:49,700
I am on fire.
Year of Penny. Suck it.
173
00:06:49,992 --> 00:06:51,827
Get out of here with that, man!
174
00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:54,330
You crazy, man.
Thanks for the beer.
175
00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,540
That's what's up, man.
Hey, keep it cool, brother.
176
00:06:56,832 --> 00:06:58,417
All right... I'm sorry.
177
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:02,129
L'Bradford, I do declare.
178
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,006
Must be coming from your office.
179
00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,174
This is a really nice office.
180
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:07,509
Is this your fax machine
right here?
181
00:07:07,801 --> 00:07:09,136
You mind if I have a sip
of your fax machine?
182
00:07:09,428 --> 00:07:10,679
Okay.
183
00:07:10,971 --> 00:07:13,724
What a delicious fax machine.
Just calm down.
184
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,392
You lied to me, man!
185
00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:17,811
Now I find you at a sports bar
with a bunch of black men.
186
00:07:18,103 --> 00:07:19,521
One who looks like Dwyane Wade.
187
00:07:19,813 --> 00:07:22,024
Why can't I hang out with you?
Because I'm white?
188
00:07:22,316 --> 00:07:25,235
No, Max.
This is a networking thing.
189
00:07:25,527 --> 00:07:27,446
I didn't not invite you
because you're white.
190
00:07:27,738 --> 00:07:28,989
It's because
you're not professional.
191
00:07:30,449 --> 00:07:32,117
I could be professional.
192
00:07:32,409 --> 00:07:34,536
Yeah, you have a better chance
being black than professional.
193
00:07:34,828 --> 00:07:37,665
That's not a challenge.
I feel you.
194
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,458
What was that? Don't do that.
"Chi-City."
195
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,795
The Rock is in the building.
Unnecessary.
196
00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:44,672
Watch the Throne, son.
Watch your step.
197
00:07:44,964 --> 00:07:47,549
You know what I'm saying?
I don't know this man!
198
00:07:47,841 --> 00:07:49,969
It's in my blood.
Africa. Africa.
199
00:07:51,971 --> 00:07:53,472
Welcome.
You're my first caller.
200
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:57,017
Made me sound like a prostitute.
I'm not a prostitute.
201
00:07:57,309 --> 00:07:59,853
Wow, this place is amazing.
202
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:01,563
Thanks.
203
00:08:01,855 --> 00:08:03,399
Do you have any roommates?
Nope.
204
00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:05,109
It is just me and you.
205
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,861
Really? Wow.
206
00:08:08,153 --> 00:08:09,905
I live with five guys.
Ooh, I love guys.
207
00:08:10,197 --> 00:08:12,449
Again, not a prostitute.
208
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,869
Is this Italian marble?
209
00:08:16,161 --> 00:08:18,831
Sure, yeah. I guess.
210
00:08:19,123 --> 00:08:21,750
How many square feet
is this place?
211
00:08:22,042 --> 00:08:24,795
Oh, I don't know.
Really have your life together.
212
00:08:25,087 --> 00:08:26,505
Is that a bad thing?
No.
213
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:30,300
I just need to go,
work on my résumé.
214
00:08:30,592 --> 00:08:31,969
Oh, no, Jeremy.
Jeremy, wait.
215
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:33,637
I know it seems like
I have my life together.
216
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:35,848
But I am a mess.
Okay, psycho.
217
00:08:36,140 --> 00:08:37,558
I will friend your mom
on Facebook
218
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,518
and start showing up at events
I was not invited to.
219
00:08:39,810 --> 00:08:41,729
You know what, these cabinets
are not even that nice.
220
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,648
I mean, look at this.
Is that a wine fridge?
221
00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:47,151
Jer? Jer-bear?
222
00:08:47,443 --> 00:08:50,362
Hon, Jeremy was clearly a loser.
223
00:08:50,654 --> 00:08:53,532
Guys would kill to date a girl
with a place like this.
224
00:08:53,824 --> 00:08:54,867
Last girl I dated
lived on a boat.
225
00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,535
That's romantic.
226
00:08:56,827 --> 00:08:58,912
Docked in the parking lot
of the store where she worked.
227
00:08:59,204 --> 00:09:01,040
Okay, I don't know
where you find people.
228
00:09:01,331 --> 00:09:02,541
You know what?
You guys are right.
229
00:09:02,833 --> 00:09:04,001
I don't even know
what I was thinking.
230
00:09:04,293 --> 00:09:07,087
I mean, this place is great.
I'm great.
231
00:09:07,379 --> 00:09:09,089
Year of Penny back on track.
232
00:09:09,381 --> 00:09:10,716
Year of Penny!
Yes.
233
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:13,844
I am gonna take these
into the bedroom.
234
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,512
What's happening?
235
00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:18,557
These are the running socks
Alex didn't want me to wear.
236
00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:20,893
Can you believe
that she hated these?
237
00:09:21,185 --> 00:09:23,020
Hate? No.
238
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:25,230
Those are, uh, great.
239
00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:27,191
Right?
Yeah.
240
00:09:27,483 --> 00:09:29,026
So I got you a pair.
241
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:33,280
Just to say thank you
for freeing us from our lies.
242
00:09:33,572 --> 00:09:35,532
Let's go for a run.
Oh, good, yeah.
243
00:09:35,824 --> 00:09:37,034
What's this...?
What's this color?
244
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:38,869
Like, an aquaflage?
Yeah.
245
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:40,412
I hope you like the color.
Oh! Yeah, no.
246
00:09:40,704 --> 00:09:42,414
Jane loves a good aquaf...
247
00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:45,000
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna give...
I'm gonna try them on.
248
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:51,256
Hi, I'm Mrs. Sarner from 3G.
Welcome to the building.
249
00:09:51,548 --> 00:09:52,925
It's nice to see a couple
buying this place.
250
00:09:53,217 --> 00:09:54,676
Oh, no, we're not...
251
00:09:54,968 --> 00:09:58,514
Because the last two ladies
who owned the condo were so sad.
252
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,099
They both died alone.
253
00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:02,226
That's something
that was not disclosed to me.
254
00:10:02,518 --> 00:10:05,145
Some people in the building
even think this unit is cursed.
255
00:10:05,437 --> 00:10:06,855
Isn't that crazy?
256
00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:11,443
A condominium could turn a gal
into a sad spinster.
257
00:10:11,735 --> 00:10:13,028
These cookies are cran-apple.
258
00:10:15,155 --> 00:10:16,615
Thanks.
Enjoy.
259
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,868
Thank you.
See you at the mixer.
260
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:23,455
Penny, relax.
This place is not cursed.
261
00:10:23,747 --> 00:10:26,542
Penny, you didn't tell me
you got a cat.
262
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:27,835
He is so cute.
263
00:10:28,127 --> 00:10:30,337
You are cute. Wait.
264
00:10:30,629 --> 00:10:34,049
I didn't get a cat,
because cats are for spinsters.
265
00:10:34,341 --> 00:10:35,551
Is it cold in here?
266
00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,469
I need a housecoat
and a hot tea with lemon.
267
00:10:37,761 --> 00:10:40,222
Should I get an AOL e-mail?
What's happening to me?
268
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:45,310
So this isn't your cat?
No!
269
00:10:49,731 --> 00:10:52,693
Why do we keep watching
the same Lethal Weapon scene?
270
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,069
Because I lost my Murtaugh.
271
00:10:54,361 --> 00:10:56,029
I don't understand
what my friends say.
272
00:10:56,321 --> 00:10:57,364
Brad doesn't want me joining
273
00:10:57,656 --> 00:10:59,199
his stupid, professional,
networking group.
274
00:10:59,491 --> 00:11:01,368
Oh, fuzzy face. Come on!
275
00:11:01,660 --> 00:11:03,328
You said you'd watch
Richard Gere movies with me.
276
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:05,747
I heard Primal Fear has a very
cool surprise ending.
277
00:11:06,039 --> 00:11:08,041
Gere finds out Norton was lying
about his split personality,
278
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,918
and murdered the archbishop.
Come on!
279
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,254
Okay, what about Unfaithful?
Gere bashes the French guy
280
00:11:12,546 --> 00:11:14,173
with a snow globe.
You're killing me!
281
00:11:14,464 --> 00:11:16,884
Like tumors killed Winona Ryder
in Autumn in New York.
282
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:18,177
Why are you doing this?
283
00:11:18,468 --> 00:11:20,387
Hello, Alex!
284
00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,222
Nice socks.
You look like a gay ninja.
285
00:11:22,514 --> 00:11:24,141
I am gonna go for a run
with Jane.
286
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,853
Oh, and I called Glaze earlier.
Good convo. Tough.
287
00:11:28,145 --> 00:11:30,314
Yes, there were tears
because of your lies.
288
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,150
But I'm gonna go play some frolf
and make him feel better.
289
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:35,903
I wish I could watch you nerds,
but I've gotta make jambalaya.
290
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,363
People are going crazy for
it at the store. Really?
291
00:11:38,655 --> 00:11:39,907
Women are going crazy
292
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,909
for trying on clothes
and eating hot seafood soup?
293
00:11:42,201 --> 00:11:44,995
Can't get enough
of that seafood soup.
294
00:11:45,287 --> 00:11:46,830
Yeah.
295
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,295
I've had the worst day ever.
Eww.
296
00:11:53,587 --> 00:11:54,630
Morning started with frolf.
297
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:57,216
Dave, Glaze, myself.
298
00:11:57,507 --> 00:11:59,009
And since I told Alex
she'd be a great dog owner,
299
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:00,886
we went to the shelter.
300
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,930
Turns out she's only qualified
to take care of a snake.
301
00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:04,640
I'm naming him Tyler.
302
00:12:04,932 --> 00:12:06,558
I stupidly encouraged Dave
to record his song.
303
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,111
Then it was back to Alex's,
304
00:12:18,403 --> 00:12:19,988
where she wanted to prove
she could make a fire.
305
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:24,034
I'm not sure you should be
feeding Peeps to the snake.
306
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:26,119
He seems a little bit off.
No, he loves them.
307
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:27,829
What about the flue, Al?
308
00:12:28,121 --> 00:12:30,874
Snakes don't get the flu.
Did you even open it?
309
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:34,044
What?
You use charcoal to make fire?
310
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:35,587
Oh, Jane.
311
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,047
Kind of ironic, isn't it?
312
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,174
You push Dave and Alex
to stop lying,
313
00:12:39,466 --> 00:12:41,134
but now all you can do
is lie to them.
314
00:12:43,553 --> 00:12:46,848
You're doing exactly
what you don't want them to do.
315
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,767
Look at you all dirty.
316
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:50,978
Just covered in lies.
Now I see, that's funny.
317
00:12:51,270 --> 00:12:52,896
You wanna tell me
about the motorcycle you bought?
318
00:12:53,188 --> 00:12:54,690
Hmm? What?
319
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:57,985
Run you a bubble bath?
Okay, all right.
320
00:13:04,241 --> 00:13:06,660
Maxwell Blum.
321
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:09,037
JD, DDS, Esquire.
How's it going?
322
00:13:09,329 --> 00:13:11,748
JD, DDS?
You're a lawyer and a dentist?
323
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,001
I like cleaning teeth.
Sue me.
324
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:15,335
Max, can I talk to you
for a second?
325
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:16,628
Talk is cheap.
Am I right?
326
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,171
Let's get down to brass tacks.
327
00:13:18,463 --> 00:13:19,798
What's going on
with this debt ceiling?
328
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,091
Does China own us?
329
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:22,592
I wanna join professional group.
330
00:13:22,884 --> 00:13:23,844
You guys network so well.
331
00:13:24,136 --> 00:13:25,470
Professionals' group?
332
00:13:25,762 --> 00:13:27,848
I haven't had a job in,
what, like five years?
333
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:28,807
Unless you count sleeping
till 1,
334
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:32,519
trying to bring back the phrase
"bust a move" as a job.
335
00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:34,062
Oh, my God!
336
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:35,856
You're like black Max.
337
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,566
You're... You're Blax.
338
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:41,570
Hold up.
Is this white Daryl?
339
00:13:44,072 --> 00:13:46,992
I am not white Daryl,
and you lied to me again.
340
00:13:47,284 --> 00:13:48,994
Sometimes I just wanna hang out
with the brothers.
341
00:13:49,286 --> 00:13:51,413
Why are you talking like that?
I was hanging with the brothers.
342
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:53,457
And it takes a while to go away.
See, it's gone.
343
00:13:53,749 --> 00:13:58,712
Sometimes I just need a break
from NPR and recycling
344
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,589
or that awesome chest pass
Steve Nash made.
345
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:02,049
Oh, really, fam?
Yeah.
346
00:14:02,341 --> 00:14:04,176
You gonna pull
that Steve Nash card.
347
00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,970
Why are you talking like that?
Everybody's with the brothers.
348
00:14:07,262 --> 00:14:09,431
And we're hanging out
and talking like that.
349
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:10,974
I didn't tell you
because you get crazy
350
00:14:11,266 --> 00:14:12,642
anytime you feel excluded
from something.
351
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,728
It's...
Hey, Brad.
352
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,272
If I hook you up
with a used Borders gift card,
353
00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,733
think you could give me a ride
to small-claims court?
354
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,902
Crap. Damn it.
I am white Daryl.
355
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,947
I'm totally fine, Jane.
I took the cat to a shelter.
356
00:14:26,239 --> 00:14:28,283
And I know
my apartment's not cursed.
357
00:14:28,575 --> 00:14:30,160
Oh, and I decided to have
a housewarming party.
358
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:32,079
Roaring '20s theme.
359
00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:34,539
It looks like the year of Penny
is back in full...
360
00:14:34,831 --> 00:14:36,833
Oh, no, no, no.
361
00:14:37,125 --> 00:14:39,461
What the hell
is with all the cats?
362
00:14:41,713 --> 00:14:43,965
No. Come on.
Just get to stepping.
363
00:14:44,257 --> 00:14:45,884
Get on now.
Move it along. Come on.
364
00:14:46,176 --> 00:14:47,803
Get out! Get out!
365
00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:51,056
Shoo! Shoo!
366
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:55,602
Okay, Penny. Calm down.
367
00:14:55,894 --> 00:14:57,521
Get some wine.
368
00:14:57,813 --> 00:14:59,606
Take a breath.
Just watch some TV.
369
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:10,700
Why is the DVR filled with
The Good Wife and The View?
370
00:15:10,992 --> 00:15:12,494
I didn't record these.
371
00:15:12,786 --> 00:15:14,746
These are for lonely women
who talk to themselves.
372
00:15:15,038 --> 00:15:16,706
Oh, my God!
I'm talking to myself!
373
00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:27,926
"Single meals for one"?
374
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,011
"Personal pizzas"?
375
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,765
Personal pizzas.
376
00:15:39,146 --> 00:15:42,441
Jane, you're not wearing
your running socks.
377
00:15:42,732 --> 00:15:45,777
Oh, yeah.
I am bummed, too, Glaze.
378
00:15:46,069 --> 00:15:47,696
But Penny wanted it
to be historically correct
379
00:15:47,988 --> 00:15:50,490
with the 1920s theme.
So grr.
380
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:53,201
Then I'll go polish the china
in the servants' quarters.
381
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,413
You don't polish china.
382
00:15:58,540 --> 00:15:59,916
What's up?
383
00:16:00,208 --> 00:16:01,960
What's up with you?
384
00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:03,503
Shouldn't you be ready
for your party?
385
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:05,505
It's already happening.
386
00:16:09,634 --> 00:16:11,928
Pen. Pen. You okay?
387
00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:13,597
Like anybody cares.
Give me the ice cream.
388
00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,766
Okay, got another one.
389
00:16:17,058 --> 00:16:19,895
Okay, how did you...?
390
00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:23,023
Give me the couch ice cream.
And let's get you dressed.
391
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:26,693
Just leave me alone, Jane.
Give me the ground ice cream.
392
00:16:26,985 --> 00:16:28,153
And let's get you dressed.
393
00:16:28,445 --> 00:16:29,821
Go. Go.
Come on. Let's go.
394
00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:32,282
Hey, Brad.
395
00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,409
How's it going?
396
00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:37,287
Oh! Where are my manners?
These are my gay friends.
397
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:39,623
Sometimes you wanna hang out
with your peeps.
398
00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,291
Right.
Anyway, this is Connor.
399
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,877
He's enormous.
This is Joel. He's silent.
400
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,213
And this is Steve.
We call him gay Brad.
401
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,924
No, we don't, and my name's Ken.
And he's Asian.
402
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:50,342
He's Asian?
403
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,093
I don't see skin color
or eye shape.
404
00:16:52,385 --> 00:16:53,803
Anyway,
let's get out of here, guys.
405
00:16:54,095 --> 00:16:55,514
These straight folks
are bringing me down.
406
00:16:55,805 --> 00:16:57,682
Let's go talk about gay stuff.
Gay stuff?
407
00:16:57,974 --> 00:17:00,018
That's right, Brad.
Gay stuff.
408
00:17:00,310 --> 00:17:01,686
Come on.
409
00:17:01,978 --> 00:17:03,688
Don't you wish they made trading
cards of designers?
410
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,443
Whoa. Really, Alex?
411
00:17:08,735 --> 00:17:10,320
You're gonna serve
that disgusting jambalaya?
412
00:17:10,612 --> 00:17:13,740
This is a housewarming party,
not a house-clearing party.
413
00:17:14,032 --> 00:17:17,035
Boom. Poetry slam.
414
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:20,455
I heard you went to the shelter,
they wouldn't give you a dog.
415
00:17:20,747 --> 00:17:22,207
So you had to get a snake
instead.
416
00:17:22,499 --> 00:17:25,252
Had to? No, no, no.
I chose Tyler.
417
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,504
And dogs are played out
with their whole soft, cuddly,
418
00:17:27,796 --> 00:17:29,047
best-friend thing.
419
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,508
On a scale of fur to scales,
I prefer scales.
420
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,511
Well, things have been going
pretty awesome with me, too.
421
00:17:34,803 --> 00:17:36,179
Been frolfing and jamming.
422
00:17:36,471 --> 00:17:39,432
And my song turned out so great,
Glaze put it on his website.
423
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:41,101
Defglazerecords.com.
424
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:42,060
Dot org was taken.
Been getting tons of hits.
425
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:45,313
Don't make a big deal about it.
That's awesome.
426
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:46,982
Maybe you should play it
for everyone.
427
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,233
Yeah.
No.
428
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:49,484
Bro.
No!
429
00:17:49,776 --> 00:17:50,986
Yeah. Bro.
Bro.
430
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,737
I didn't bring my guitar,
I can't...
431
00:17:53,029 --> 00:17:54,197
He's got one.
Why don't you ask him?
432
00:17:56,366 --> 00:17:59,494
You really think I can pull oft
James Perse crew-neck T-shirt?
433
00:17:59,786 --> 00:18:02,038
As long as I can be there
when you pull it oft.
434
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:03,915
What's happening here?
435
00:18:04,207 --> 00:18:06,918
Just talking Ts with my Bs
who went G because they like D.
436
00:18:07,210 --> 00:18:08,795
Pound me.
437
00:18:09,087 --> 00:18:11,590
No! Gay Brad,
you do not pound "Brad" Brad.
438
00:18:11,881 --> 00:18:14,092
Gays, inside. Go.
You guys can pound me.
439
00:18:14,384 --> 00:18:15,468
Why can't I pound your friends?
440
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,470
Because they're not my friends.
441
00:18:17,762 --> 00:18:20,140
They're guys I met at the gym
who are way too into the '20s.
442
00:18:20,432 --> 00:18:22,142
What is going on with you?
I'm freaking out.
443
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,227
About what?
Used to hang out all the time.
444
00:18:24,519 --> 00:18:27,105
And then you got married to Jane
and you got this big fancy job,
445
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,982
I barely ever see you anymore.
446
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,568
And the free time you do have
you spend it with other people.
447
00:18:31,860 --> 00:18:33,361
Dude...
448
00:18:33,653 --> 00:18:35,780
We're always gonna have stuff
going on in our lives, man.
449
00:18:36,072 --> 00:18:38,116
Well, me, you know, my life.
450
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:39,826
Your life's pretty much...
Of course.
451
00:18:40,118 --> 00:18:42,746
But you're my Riggs, trick.
I am, ho?
452
00:18:43,038 --> 00:18:44,164
Come on, fella.
453
00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,416
You know Murtaugh
would never bail on Riggs,
454
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:48,251
even when real-life Riggs
gets super racist
455
00:18:48,543 --> 00:18:50,795
and verbally abusive
towards his boo.
456
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:53,965
I love you the most, man.
Bring it in.
457
00:18:55,884 --> 00:18:57,385
You sure you're not on the low?
458
00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,137
That's my cell phone, man.
459
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:07,354
Look, everyone's
having a great time.
460
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:10,398
What is wrong with people?
This song is so sad.
461
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:14,944
The square root of love is love.
462
00:19:15,236 --> 00:19:17,030
Here, try this.
463
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,532
I put peanut butter
in this batch.
464
00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:21,159
Just a little bit of horseradish
in there.
465
00:19:21,451 --> 00:19:22,619
Why?
466
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,162
Okay, enough.
467
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:25,580
Dave, stop, okay?
468
00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:27,499
I love you,
but that song is really bad.
469
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:30,085
Those running socks are hideous,
and frolf is not a sport.
470
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:31,920
Hey, we have a newsletter.
Shut up, Glaze.
471
00:19:32,212 --> 00:19:35,382
All those things Alex said,
they're true.
472
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:38,218
Thank you, Jane. You see, Dave...
Calm down, Al.
473
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,679
Everything you've done in the
past few days has been stupid.
474
00:19:40,970 --> 00:19:42,222
You almost burned down
your apartment.
475
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,933
And, Penny. Oh, my God.
476
00:19:45,225 --> 00:19:46,851
Is your breakdown
sponsored by Dreyer's?
477
00:19:47,143 --> 00:19:48,853
Look, you're not gonna turn
into an old spinster
478
00:19:49,145 --> 00:19:50,313
just because you bought a condo.
479
00:19:50,605 --> 00:19:52,482
Which, by the way,
is not cursed!
480
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:55,402
Jane, then you wanna explain
about all the cats?
481
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,238
Wait. You found my cats?
I live next door.
482
00:19:58,530 --> 00:20:01,700
I've trained them to crawl
into vents and open windows.
483
00:20:01,991 --> 00:20:03,451
Fair enough. Okay.
484
00:20:03,743 --> 00:20:05,453
Then what about all the episodes
of The View on my TV?
485
00:20:05,745 --> 00:20:07,288
You didn't erase those, did you?
486
00:20:07,580 --> 00:20:09,374
'Cause I can't DVR The View
at home anymore
487
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,751
because my DVR is filled,
so I DVR it here.
488
00:20:12,043 --> 00:20:14,045
Okay, then does someone
wanna explain to me
489
00:20:14,337 --> 00:20:16,214
this coupon for personal pizzas,
490
00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:20,301
which is really just
a really great deal.
491
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:22,804
Uh, I'm...
492
00:20:24,013 --> 00:20:25,223
I'm sorry.
493
00:20:25,515 --> 00:20:26,474
You guys, thank you for coming.
494
00:20:26,766 --> 00:20:28,810
Hope everybody has a great time.
495
00:20:29,102 --> 00:20:31,312
Year of Penny! Play something.
496
00:20:31,604 --> 00:20:33,231
One, two, three!
497
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:35,942
Actually, guys, I'm sorry.
I don't know any other songs.
498
00:20:39,779 --> 00:20:42,949
You know, your jambalaya
wasn't all that bad.
499
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,827
There were good batches
back in '07, I think.
500
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,037
Yeah, and your song, I mean,
501
00:20:48,329 --> 00:20:49,831
the lyrics
are actually really touching.
502
00:20:51,958 --> 00:20:54,586
We're lying, right?
Yeah, it works for us.
503
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,880
Stop having a moment, you two.
504
00:20:57,172 --> 00:20:58,381
Toast.
505
00:21:00,175 --> 00:21:01,593
Thank you.
506
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:03,011
To my friends.
507
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:04,429
I know I'll never
be sad and alone
508
00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:06,181
because I'll always have you.
509
00:21:06,473 --> 00:21:08,600
You're not gonna be alone.
Aw, thanks.
510
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,268
No, literally,
'cause I need to move in.
511
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,228
Jane wasn't kidding.
I smoked out my apartment.
512
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,646
There's a snake loose
that's mad at me
513
00:21:13,938 --> 00:21:14,898
'cause I gave him diabetes.
514
00:21:16,232 --> 00:21:18,026
Roomies?
If you'll have me.
515
00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:20,695
Yes, yes!
516
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,741
Bring it in. Cheers.
517
00:21:25,033 --> 00:21:27,202
Cheers.
39272
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