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1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,546
Beer, beer, beer.
Pfft, pfft, pfft.
2
00:00:05,838 --> 00:00:07,131
Hey, nerds.
3
00:00:07,423 --> 00:00:08,382
Why is everybody so quiet?
4
00:00:08,674 --> 00:00:10,218
We ran out of things
to talk about,
5
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,095
so we were kind of hoping
you would come with some news.
6
00:00:13,387 --> 00:00:16,015
Oh. Big news.
7
00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:17,475
I worked my PR magic
8
00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:19,352
and I got Dave and
his food truck a spot
9
00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:21,437
on a major live morning show.
10
00:00:21,729 --> 00:00:23,231
Here we go!
Wow, Pen.
11
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,316
Are we talking,
Good Morning America?
12
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,735
Less national.
Ooh, Good Morning Chicago.
13
00:00:28,027 --> 00:00:30,530
Think less morning and
less TV and no TV.
14
00:00:30,821 --> 00:00:32,907
A podcast about meat
with a guy named Randy.
15
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:35,201
Crazy Randy's Meat And Greet?
I love that guy.
16
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:36,869
Influential in the meat world.
17
00:00:37,161 --> 00:00:39,288
Which means he's meaningless
in the real world.
18
00:00:39,580 --> 00:00:41,249
Angie's gonna be here soon.
Nice.
19
00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:44,001
I can't believe we're finally meeting
your high school girlfriend.
20
00:00:44,293 --> 00:00:46,337
Don't know what
you're excited about.
21
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,422
A ton of people move to Chicago
every day.
22
00:00:48,714 --> 00:00:50,550
Why you talking
out the side of your mouth?
23
00:00:50,841 --> 00:00:52,927
Why talk out of
the front of your mouth?
24
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:56,264
Are you jealous because
Angie dated Max before you?
25
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,224
No. Heh, heh.
26
00:00:58,516 --> 00:01:01,143
Yes, okay? She was
the high school girlfriend.
27
00:01:01,435 --> 00:01:03,104
I'm the college girlfriend.
28
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,606
A clash as old as The Clash.
I have to hate her.
29
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,525
Jane gets competitive
about my exes.
30
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:09,986
When she found out my High
School girlfriend was a magician?
31
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:12,446
Wait a minute.
What is that behind your ear?
32
00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:14,073
Oh, my God. It's a quarter.
33
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,825
You have something
right in your...
34
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,702
It's another quarter.
35
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:20,997
Again. Again.
36
00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,291
Promise when Angie gets here,
you'll be cool.
37
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:26,377
Because when I dumped her,
it was messy, and I hurt her.
38
00:01:26,669 --> 00:01:28,170
Max, it's us.
We're totally cool.
39
00:01:28,462 --> 00:01:30,172
Yeah.
Okay. Right.
40
00:01:30,464 --> 00:01:32,508
Don't put your hand out,
say, "Five good ones."
41
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:34,677
Alex, do not tell her
why the perfect weapon
42
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:37,096
is a knife that absorbs blood.
But it is.
43
00:01:37,388 --> 00:01:40,391
Do not give her a nickname.
Had "Angina" locked and loaded.
44
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:42,351
When she says,
"I've heard about you,"
45
00:01:42,643 --> 00:01:46,439
do not respond, "I hope it's
all good things. Heh, heh, heh."
46
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:49,150
Oh, she's here.
I gotta warn you.
47
00:01:49,442 --> 00:01:53,195
I don't know how I'm gonna
react, but it could get ugly.
48
00:01:53,487 --> 00:01:54,739
Guys, this is Angie.
Hi.
49
00:01:55,031 --> 00:01:57,575
Hey, girlfriend.
Get in here, you.
50
00:01:57,867 --> 00:02:00,494
- Look at you. Nice to meet you.
- What?
51
00:02:00,786 --> 00:02:03,539
You are cuter than cute.
Head to toe, you're a winner.
52
00:02:03,831 --> 00:02:05,666
You're a big star.
I'm loving this.
53
00:02:05,958 --> 00:02:07,710
I did not know
I was gonna react like that.
54
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:09,045
Neither did we.
55
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,463
Get on over here.
56
00:02:10,755 --> 00:02:11,964
Oh.
Heh-heh.
57
00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:14,800
And join our gang of funsies.
Heh, heh.
58
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:29,940
What are you guys thinking?
Oh, the usual. Water births.
59
00:02:30,232 --> 00:02:32,943
What happens to the water
after the baby's born?
60
00:02:33,235 --> 00:02:35,655
Bottle it, sell it.
A million dollars.
61
00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:37,406
I meant
what are you going to order?
62
00:02:37,698 --> 00:02:39,992
Oh, nothing. This place blows.
63
00:02:40,284 --> 00:02:42,286
Hey, B-rad.
What's up, girl?
64
00:02:42,578 --> 00:02:45,331
You weren't on IM. No one to
make fun of Jensen's eye twitch.
65
00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:46,749
I know. I had a call.
66
00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:48,167
But that thing was
out of control, right?
67
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:52,046
He was like, "Uh, uh, uh.
Gross point percentage."
68
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:54,215
I'm like, "Stop winking,
son of a bitch."
69
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,716
Oh, my God.
70
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:57,385
Let's get coffee later.
Okay.
71
00:02:57,677 --> 00:03:00,346
Guys are coming to fish your
wedding ring out of my AC unit.
72
00:03:00,638 --> 00:03:03,599
Sweet.
Bye.
73
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:06,310
Fish your wedding ring
out of her AC unit?
74
00:03:06,602 --> 00:03:07,561
You dirty whore.
75
00:03:07,853 --> 00:03:09,313
I was just showing Vanessa
76
00:03:09,605 --> 00:03:11,065
the inscription
on my wedding ring
77
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:13,693
and it fell in the vent.
I see what's going on here.
78
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:24,370
I went playground.
You went hair band.
79
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:25,996
Dude, she's not my work wife.
80
00:03:26,288 --> 00:03:27,707
We just joke around
in the office.
81
00:03:29,917 --> 00:03:31,460
Hair band was better.
It's better.
82
00:03:31,752 --> 00:03:33,337
I stand corrected.
83
00:03:33,629 --> 00:03:36,340
Don't worry. We get the code.
This is not a code situation.
84
00:03:36,632 --> 00:03:39,427
Hope Jane doesn't notice you
not wearing that wedding ring
85
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,137
or you are donezo.
86
00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:44,223
What?
She's not gonna even notice.
87
00:03:44,515 --> 00:03:46,267
Where's your wedding ring?
88
00:03:46,559 --> 00:03:48,978
Damn. You are one hot,
skinny little witch.
89
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:50,396
How did you know that?
90
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,982
It makes a distinct clicking
on the doorknob.
91
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:56,360
I am that good. So where is it?
Oh, funny, funny story.
92
00:03:56,652 --> 00:03:59,572
I'm showing your inscription
to a coworker of mine, Vanessa,
93
00:03:59,864 --> 00:04:00,948
Yeah.
94
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,867
And it falls
right into an AC duct.
95
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:04,118
I mean, it just drops.
96
00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:05,661
How about that?
97
00:04:05,953 --> 00:04:08,414
Curse you, gravity!
Grrr!
98
00:04:08,706 --> 00:04:10,750
That's what I said when it happened.
I bet.
99
00:04:11,041 --> 00:04:12,251
I'm gonna get it tomorrow.
100
00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:15,254
Good.
So who is, uh...? Who's Vanessa?
101
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,923
Oh, just a friend from work.
Mm. Cool.
102
00:04:18,215 --> 00:04:20,050
I'm gonna go change, go to the gym.
Yeah.
103
00:04:20,342 --> 00:04:22,428
Get on up there.
Yep.
104
00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,513
Okay. Should I be worried
about this?
105
00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,348
No. She's just his work wife.
106
00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,017
Just his work wife?
107
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,187
I've no idea what that means.
108
00:04:31,479 --> 00:04:34,231
A work wife is just someone
you flirt with at work.
109
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,484
It's totally harmless,
totally normal.
110
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:39,153
I have two work husbands,
three work ex-boyfriends,
111
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,155
one work stalker,
and one work dog.
112
00:04:41,447 --> 00:04:43,324
You should get a work husband.
Really?
113
00:04:43,616 --> 00:04:45,993
Yes. Although, when you flirt,
just be careful.
114
00:04:46,285 --> 00:04:48,037
Right.
I don't wanna lead him on. Eeks.
115
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,872
No, you're terrible at fiirting.
116
00:04:50,164 --> 00:04:51,957
You do this weird, like... May I?
Yeah.
117
00:04:52,249 --> 00:04:53,709
Kind of a weird eye blink
118
00:04:54,001 --> 00:04:56,420
and you shimmy shake,
and you're doing your arms,
119
00:04:56,712 --> 00:04:59,089
and then you start asking
these insane questions
120
00:04:59,381 --> 00:05:01,383
and it ends up with
your fingers in your mouth,
121
00:05:01,675 --> 00:05:03,803
like:
"Ah, ah, ah."
122
00:05:04,094 --> 00:05:06,388
Yeah, and that's not sexy.
What?
123
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,309
Oh, boy. I should have never
went over to Jack's.
124
00:05:10,601 --> 00:05:13,020
All he wanted to do
was have sex.
125
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,773
He texted at 11 p.m. What
did you think was gonna happen?
126
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:18,609
I thought maybe he wanted
to have a late European dinner.
127
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,653
Al, look how he spelled
"cum over."
128
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,655
I thought
it was the European spelling.
129
00:05:22,947 --> 00:05:24,281
It's not.
Ugh.
130
00:05:24,573 --> 00:05:26,367
Don't guys just ever want
to make out?
131
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:27,868
Try a closeted gay guy.
132
00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:30,579
Every one I've dated
has been a great kisser.
133
00:05:30,871 --> 00:05:32,081
Even Max was a good kisser?
134
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:33,624
Especially Max.
135
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:36,043
The guy who once found
a cricket in his mouth?
136
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:38,337
What can I say?
That gay's got mouth game.
137
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:41,674
Sounded gross,
I meant it as a compliment.
138
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,968
Okay, what do you think
of this accent rug
139
00:05:44,260 --> 00:05:46,136
I'm getting Angie
as a housewarming gift?
140
00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:47,346
Pen, that's like almost $200.
I know.
141
00:05:48,389 --> 00:05:50,057
Thought you hated her.
I hate her.
142
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:53,310
I don't want her to know,
so I'm gonna be nice to her
143
00:05:53,602 --> 00:05:56,313
so when she starts to like me,
I can hate her even more.
144
00:05:56,605 --> 00:05:58,357
And then you'll bake her a cake.
145
00:05:58,649 --> 00:06:02,736
Yes. And I'll spend hours
decorating it. Ha, ha, ha!
146
00:06:03,028 --> 00:06:05,614
Is that your evil laugh?
It's not great.
147
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:08,367
Ugh. Look at her.
148
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:11,370
I have had just about enough
of this one.
149
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,497
Okay, I cannot fake it
one more second.
150
00:06:13,789 --> 00:06:14,373
Hey, girlfriend!
151
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,918
Looking hot.
I am so stealing this sweater.
152
00:06:18,210 --> 00:06:19,712
Not if I steal yours first.
153
00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:21,881
What are you doing here?
154
00:06:22,172 --> 00:06:25,301
We just ran into each other
and decided to have a drink.
155
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,803
Dave is gonna show me around
from the steak truck.
156
00:06:28,095 --> 00:06:30,222
Ah. Two of my favorite
people hanging out.
157
00:06:30,514 --> 00:06:33,350
Like Mike Myers and
Kanye West for Katrina.
158
00:06:33,642 --> 00:06:34,894
- Exactly.
- Yeah.
159
00:06:35,185 --> 00:06:37,062
I gotta go.
Dave, I'll see you tomorrow.
160
00:06:37,354 --> 00:06:39,189
I'll call.
If levees don't break.
161
00:06:39,481 --> 00:06:40,816
Okay.
Bye, baby girl.
162
00:06:41,108 --> 00:06:42,234
Bye. DAVE: See you later.
163
00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,403
Okay. Bye, bye, bye.
See you later.
164
00:06:44,695 --> 00:06:47,781
No. You and Angie, not happening.
Why?
165
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:49,950
Dudes don't date
others' ex-girlfriends.
166
00:06:50,242 --> 00:06:54,413
Max, you're gay.
So? I... You know what?
167
00:06:55,456 --> 00:06:58,667
I'm invoking the code.
Oh, no, he didn't.
168
00:06:58,959 --> 00:07:00,836
No, he didn't just say,
"Oh, no, he didn't."
169
00:07:01,128 --> 00:07:02,546
"Yes, he did."
"Girl, you lying."
170
00:07:02,838 --> 00:07:04,506
"I ain't lying.
It's the code. Shoot."
171
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:09,094
What? You didn't.
You did.
172
00:07:12,348 --> 00:07:14,934
You can't invoke the code.
The code doesn't apply.
173
00:07:15,225 --> 00:07:17,061
Code states she is my ex.
174
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:20,564
You can't have sexual relations.
First, you're gay.
175
00:07:20,856 --> 00:07:23,108
I guess you wouldn't mind
if I started dating Alex.
176
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,526
Hm?
177
00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:26,111
Good luck with that.
Yeah.
178
00:07:26,403 --> 00:07:30,032
Good luck with that?
Hey, you just have...
179
00:07:30,324 --> 00:07:31,951
You just have, like, a little...
180
00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:34,119
It's, like, an eyelash
or something.
181
00:07:34,411 --> 00:07:36,538
Max, what are you doing? I'm...
182
00:07:36,830 --> 00:07:39,792
Oh, my God. He's kissing her
like she has a penis.
183
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:42,836
Okay, okay.
184
00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:48,467
Doesn't bother you?
Still nothing.
185
00:07:48,759 --> 00:07:51,387
Heh. What? Is it
a bajillion degrees in here?
186
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:53,055
Let me sit you down.
187
00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:55,975
My breakup with Angie was hard
and I broke her heart,
188
00:07:56,266 --> 00:07:58,852
and I don't wanna see her
hurt again.
189
00:07:59,144 --> 00:08:00,437
Right. I don't get it,
190
00:08:00,729 --> 00:08:02,147
but if you don't want me
to see her,
191
00:08:02,439 --> 00:08:03,857
I won't see her.
Thank you.
192
00:08:04,149 --> 00:08:05,693
Ugh. Why is Angie,
193
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,737
like, trying to destroy
our gang, right? What a slut.
194
00:08:09,029 --> 00:08:10,864
Angie's not a slut.
We didn't do anything.
195
00:08:11,156 --> 00:08:12,992
What a tease.
She's actually cool.
196
00:08:13,283 --> 00:08:14,743
What a bitch.
197
00:08:15,035 --> 00:08:17,413
This work-husband thing
is harder than I thought.
198
00:08:17,705 --> 00:08:19,999
All the good ones are taken.
I waited too long.
199
00:08:20,290 --> 00:08:22,668
I was so focused on work,
I forgot to get work married.
200
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,672
Know what? I gotta go.
I'll call you back.
201
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,425
Hello, Mrs. Kerkovich-Williams.
202
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:32,177
Birthday cake at 3:30.
Thank you.
203
00:08:32,469 --> 00:08:35,347
I was gonna have an after-lunch
hard candy, but eh-eh.
204
00:08:35,639 --> 00:08:38,308
Now I'll wait, so. Ha, ha, ha.
Yeah. Heh, heh.
205
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:43,230
Hey, Hec. Why don't you
stick around a bit, you know?
206
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:46,483
So, what you up to?
What's your sitch?
207
00:08:46,775 --> 00:08:49,069
Just delivering mail.
Yeah?
208
00:08:49,361 --> 00:08:50,654
Yeah.
How's that work?
209
00:08:50,946 --> 00:08:52,531
I go from each office
to the next.
210
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:54,158
Some riveting stuff.
211
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:57,202
So, uh, do you, uh...
212
00:08:58,704 --> 00:09:00,622
lick each package, huh?
213
00:09:00,914 --> 00:09:05,502
Because I do.
I am a big licker. Ha.
214
00:09:05,794 --> 00:09:07,379
I just...
215
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:15,179
Then you said,
"I lick everything
216
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,347
from little envelopes
to big packages."
217
00:09:17,639 --> 00:09:20,225
In my defense,
I do lick every piece of mail.
218
00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:22,102
Only way to make sure
it's sealed.
219
00:09:22,394 --> 00:09:25,606
Then you showed him how you can
fit a stapler in your mouth
220
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:29,943
and demonstrated how
you are "no stranger
221
00:09:30,235 --> 00:09:34,907
to the three-hole punch."
Yeah. So, just to clarify,
222
00:09:35,199 --> 00:09:39,411
that was wrong?
Yes.
223
00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:42,206
Oh, I'm so sorry, Steven.
224
00:09:42,498 --> 00:09:43,791
It's okay, Jane.
225
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,001
I see this in HR every day.
226
00:09:46,293 --> 00:09:49,129
My job is 80 percent busywork
and 20 percent figuring out
227
00:09:49,421 --> 00:09:51,673
who's drawing genitals
on Sharon's bagged lunch.
228
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,008
Well, it wasn't me.
229
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,343
Every time I draw genitals,
230
00:09:54,635 --> 00:09:56,303
it ends up looking
like Brad Garrett.
231
00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:00,349
Hard candy?
232
00:10:02,267 --> 00:10:03,560
Hey.
233
00:10:05,562 --> 00:10:07,731
Oh, wouldn't this be gorge
in Angie's apartment?
234
00:10:08,023 --> 00:10:09,233
What? I thought you hated her.
235
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:11,860
I do. What is wrong with me?
236
00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:15,072
What about
this coatrack for Ange?
237
00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,491
I could sand it, stain it,
toss on a matte gloss...
238
00:10:17,783 --> 00:10:18,784
I have a sickness.
239
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,120
I think Angie already has
a bear coatrack.
240
00:10:21,411 --> 00:10:25,040
Oh.
Think I was too harsh with Dave?
241
00:10:25,332 --> 00:10:26,708
Max, you were totally right.
242
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,752
These are things
that we can't control.
243
00:10:29,044 --> 00:10:31,213
Like when you start
having feelings for somebody
244
00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,090
and the world tells you
you're crazy,
245
00:10:33,382 --> 00:10:36,677
it's never gonna happen,
but you still want it, you know?
246
00:10:36,969 --> 00:10:40,264
What are you talking about,
and why are you holding my hand?
247
00:10:40,556 --> 00:10:42,808
Huh? Whatever.
No big deal.
248
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,268
Who cares?
249
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:47,146
I got you a scarf.
I got one too.
250
00:10:47,437 --> 00:10:49,064
We can wear them
if we go snowmobiling
251
00:10:49,356 --> 00:10:51,650
or, like,
send out holiday cards.
252
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:54,278
Okay, crazy lady.
I'm gonna go get a churro.
253
00:10:54,570 --> 00:10:56,488
Oh, get me one.
254
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:58,991
Or we could share yours.
Ha, ha, ha.
255
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:00,617
Oh, my God.
256
00:11:00,909 --> 00:11:03,328
Please tell me you do not have
a crush on Max now.
257
00:11:03,620 --> 00:11:06,206
No! Of course not.
258
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:08,876
Does he have a crush on me?
What did he say? Tell me.
259
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:11,753
He didn't say anything. I think
he's freaked out by you.
260
00:11:12,045 --> 00:11:13,755
So he's thinking about me.
261
00:11:14,047 --> 00:11:16,425
This is unacceptable behavior.
262
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:17,676
I'll allow it.
263
00:11:21,263 --> 00:11:22,681
Babe, babe. What are you doing?
264
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,850
Got my ring back.
Oh, good.
265
00:11:26,768 --> 00:11:28,312
Wasn't really a joke.
266
00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:31,356
Just thinking of something
my new friend Steven said today.
267
00:11:31,648 --> 00:11:32,900
Oh.
268
00:11:34,902 --> 00:11:36,695
Who's Steven?
Oh, no one. No one.
269
00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:38,363
Some say he's my work husband...
270
00:11:38,655 --> 00:11:41,491
Who might be saying that?
Don't get all Mr. T on me.
271
00:11:41,783 --> 00:11:45,287
You have a work wife.
Vanessa is not my work wife.
272
00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,622
Oh, really?
Yeah.
273
00:11:46,914 --> 00:11:47,915
Coffee with her every day?
274
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,876
Have more than one nickname?
Um...
275
00:11:51,168 --> 00:11:52,377
Vanestlé crunch.
276
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:53,795
Vanecessary roughness.
277
00:11:54,087 --> 00:11:55,339
The Vanessa monologues.
278
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,007
Vanesticles. Vanasturbate.
279
00:11:57,299 --> 00:11:58,884
It's Ms. Jackson,
if you're vanasty.
280
00:11:59,176 --> 00:12:01,178
Okay. Fine. I have a work wife.
281
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,721
But it's totally innocent.
Nothing's going on.
282
00:12:03,764 --> 00:12:05,265
Nothing's between Steven and me.
283
00:12:05,557 --> 00:12:07,392
Good.
I wanna meet your work husband.
284
00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:10,437
I wanna meet your work wife.
We should all do something.
285
00:12:10,729 --> 00:12:12,272
Have our work spouses over.
286
00:12:12,564 --> 00:12:14,733
Won't be weird at all.
Like your mom tweeting.
287
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:17,027
How not weird was that tweet
about menopause?
288
00:12:17,319 --> 00:12:19,780
"Shutting down the fallopes."
Hashtag, "menopause."
289
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:21,156
Not weird.
290
00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,116
So how's the apartment coming?
Good.
291
00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:26,119
Penny's been helpful. Bought
a chandelier and bread maker.
292
00:12:26,411 --> 00:12:28,080
She loves you.
Oh, yeah.
293
00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:31,041
Oh, hey. I got an idea.
Let's paint a Hitler mustache
294
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:33,752
on the Michael Jordan statue
so he looks present-day.
295
00:12:34,044 --> 00:12:35,212
I wanna do that so bad.
296
00:12:35,504 --> 00:12:38,674
But I can't. I'm seeing Dave.
Oh.
297
00:12:38,966 --> 00:12:40,467
We've been hanging out a bit.
298
00:12:40,759 --> 00:12:42,135
Really?
Yeah, he's a great guy.
299
00:12:42,427 --> 00:12:45,305
Yeah, I love him
the way Penny loves you.
300
00:12:45,597 --> 00:12:47,099
Grab us a coffee.
Okay.
301
00:12:47,391 --> 00:12:50,560
I'm gonna sit here and stew
in my own anger for a second.
302
00:12:54,606 --> 00:12:58,902
Welcome to
Crazy Randy's Meat and Greet.
303
00:12:59,194 --> 00:13:02,489
Today, we will be "meating"
Dave Rose,
304
00:13:02,781 --> 00:13:06,535
owner of the Steak Me
Home Tonight food truck.
305
00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,954
So, Dave, how did you come up
with the name?
306
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,539
Well, it's funny, Randy.
307
00:13:10,831 --> 00:13:14,167
Do you remember that song
"Take Me Home Tonight"?
308
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:15,836
Great story!
309
00:13:16,128 --> 00:13:18,588
Stick to questions
about Dave's signature sandwich.
310
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,507
I got another story,
Crazy Randy.
311
00:13:20,799 --> 00:13:23,176
How this guy steals
other people's ex-girlfriends.
312
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,137
Max. Try kissing me.
It'll kill Dave.
313
00:13:25,429 --> 00:13:26,805
Come on. You gotta stop.
314
00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,309
Yes, I am still seeing Angie,
but I don't get it.
315
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,644
You dumped her in high school,
and you're gay.
316
00:13:32,936 --> 00:13:36,356
Ho-ho-ho.
If Harvey Milk could hear that.
317
00:13:36,648 --> 00:13:38,608
You know what, Dave?
All codes are off.
318
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,319
It's a code war.
God. Turn it off.
319
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:41,987
What's a code war?
320
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:45,741
It's hell, Crazy Randy,
pure and unadulterated hell,
321
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,993
especially when dealing
with a dirtbag
322
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:51,163
that doesn't respect codes that
hold civilization together.
323
00:13:51,455 --> 00:13:53,915
Another code this guy
doesn't respect? Health code.
324
00:13:54,207 --> 00:13:57,461
That's right. Likes to prepare
his meat in his underwear.
325
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,963
No, no, no. That is not true.
That is not true.
326
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:08,597
Hey, buddy.
327
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:10,849
Okay, it happened one time.
One time.
328
00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:12,392
It was summer. The AC broke.
329
00:14:12,684 --> 00:14:14,728
The meat was going bad.
I had to sell it fast.
330
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,397
I was wearing a hairnet.
No, I wasn't. Goodbye.
331
00:14:17,689 --> 00:14:18,815
You know what? We're done.
332
00:14:21,818 --> 00:14:23,528
So you guys
are really in a code war?
333
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:25,947
Those are rough.
Yeah, getting kind of ugly.
334
00:14:26,239 --> 00:14:28,825
Max, what have you done
to my shirts?
335
00:14:29,117 --> 00:14:30,786
Oh, yeah.
No more dress code, bro.
336
00:14:31,078 --> 00:14:32,704
I turned all your T's
into deep V's.
337
00:14:32,996 --> 00:14:35,707
You're welcome.
He messed with your V-necks?
338
00:14:35,999 --> 00:14:38,418
That's like messing with
a straight man's crew necks.
339
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:42,005
Don't worry, because I'm about
to make my first strike.
340
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:45,008
Yeah, your hair does look
like it's from a catalog
341
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,552
from an '80s barbershop.
Ha, ha, ha.
342
00:14:47,844 --> 00:14:51,181
Hey, soldier. Can I buy you a drink?
Sure.
343
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,682
No more wingman code.
344
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,976
The joke is on you,
because he's not a soldier.
345
00:14:55,268 --> 00:14:57,938
He works at a Kiehl's, so, heh!
346
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:01,024
Hey, vaneedle in a haystack.
Whoa! Oh, whoa.
347
00:15:01,316 --> 00:15:02,567
Oh, that's your bra,
348
00:15:02,859 --> 00:15:04,861
which is holding up
your breasticles.
349
00:15:05,153 --> 00:15:08,323
Sorry. I'm gonna be outside
while you put them things away.
350
00:15:08,615 --> 00:15:10,909
No, stay. I'm just changing
for our drinks.
351
00:15:11,201 --> 00:15:14,788
Can you help me zip this up?
Sure, yeah. I'll just...
352
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:16,206
Come on. I'm not gonna bite.
353
00:15:16,498 --> 00:15:18,333
I don't feel uncomfortable
doing that.
354
00:15:18,625 --> 00:15:20,168
Oh, that's your butt. Sorry.
355
00:15:20,460 --> 00:15:21,586
A little higher. Yep.
356
00:15:21,878 --> 00:15:23,880
I'm married!
357
00:15:25,757 --> 00:15:27,634
Maybe we should
reschedule the drink thing
358
00:15:27,926 --> 00:15:30,262
for a later date.
No way. No way you're bailing.
359
00:15:30,554 --> 00:15:32,639
I wanna meet Jane,
scope out my competition.
360
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,434
Competition?
Let's go, Bradster.
361
00:15:35,725 --> 00:15:38,228
This is gonna be fun.
362
00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:42,774
Listen, Max, we brought you here
to have a serious conversation.
363
00:15:43,066 --> 00:15:45,068
I love your shirt,
but I just need
364
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:46,528
to do this, if you don't mind.
365
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,864
There it is. Heh.
366
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:50,824
Why is she rubbing
her baby hand on me?
367
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,409
Just ignore her.
368
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,619
The code war
between you and Dave,
369
00:15:54,911 --> 00:15:56,788
it's out of hand.
No, it's not.
370
00:16:00,083 --> 00:16:01,168
What are you doing?
371
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,086
That's a load-bearing column.
372
00:16:03,378 --> 00:16:05,046
I don't care.
No more building codes.
373
00:16:05,338 --> 00:16:07,466
You live here too.
Ha! Your name is on the lease.
374
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:09,593
Forged an addendum
with your name.
375
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,094
You're bluffing.
376
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:13,513
I am bluffing.
Don't hit another pillar.
377
00:16:13,805 --> 00:16:14,973
You don't understand
because you're not guys.
378
00:16:16,016 --> 00:16:17,809
This is what we do.
We razz each other.
379
00:16:18,101 --> 00:16:21,855
I razz him. He razzes me back.
I razz him. He razzes me back.
380
00:16:22,147 --> 00:16:24,107
Give him a permanent
while he's sleeping...
381
00:16:24,399 --> 00:16:26,193
He razzes me back.
Wait. What now?
382
00:16:30,572 --> 00:16:33,575
We ran out of codes,
so I came up with a new one,
383
00:16:33,867 --> 00:16:35,035
hair code for men.
384
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:37,454
Look like Keri Russell
after Felicity.
385
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,498
Like John McEnroe's sister.
386
00:16:39,789 --> 00:16:41,291
You look like a huge lesbian.
387
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,044
Hey. There they are.
388
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,837
Hey, honey.
Can I talk to you quick?
389
00:16:46,129 --> 00:16:48,381
Don't be rude. introduce me.
390
00:16:48,673 --> 00:16:52,177
Uh... Y'all.
Jane, we really need to talk.
391
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,471
No, I want you to meet Steven.
How are you?
392
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:56,598
Hey, how tall are you, man?
393
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,767
Like, 6'4". How tall are you?
394
00:16:59,059 --> 00:17:00,602
Jane, can we talk?
395
00:17:00,894 --> 00:17:02,646
Vanessa,
why don't you have some wine?
396
00:17:02,938 --> 00:17:04,397
Gonna visit Accounts Receivable.
397
00:17:04,689 --> 00:17:06,691
That's what HR guys
call the bathroom.
398
00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:10,070
He does.
I've heard you say that.
399
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,613
You have. You say that.
400
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:13,073
Talk time.
Okey-doke.
401
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:15,367
Listen,
I was wrong about Vanessa.
402
00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,536
It's totally not innocent.
She wants me.
403
00:17:17,827 --> 00:17:20,163
What?
Yes. She wants me bad, Jane.
404
00:17:20,455 --> 00:17:22,499
She couldn't resist
my sweet-smelling body.
405
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,043
Look. It just smells too nice.
Excuse me?
406
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:29,172
Oh, come on. You were
half-naked in your office.
407
00:17:29,464 --> 00:17:30,423
You had me zip you up.
408
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:32,801
You wanna be more
than my work wife.
409
00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,011
Whoa, whoa.
I am not your work wife, okay?
410
00:17:35,303 --> 00:17:37,556
If anything, you're
like my work dad. What?
411
00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:40,267
I mean, aren't you, like, 48?
I'm 29.
412
00:17:40,559 --> 00:17:43,436
I could never think of you
like that, ever. Ew.
413
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:48,441
I mean, there's no way
I could ever... Ew.
414
00:17:48,733 --> 00:17:50,402
Two "ews"?
415
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,946
What a relief.
Heh, heh, heh.
416
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,739
Glad we cleared that up.
417
00:17:55,031 --> 00:17:57,576
Yeah. Okay. You know what?
I'm sorry.
418
00:17:57,867 --> 00:17:59,452
He didn't realize
your relationship
419
00:17:59,744 --> 00:18:02,038
was just fun and innocent,
like Steven and me.
420
00:18:02,330 --> 00:18:05,458
All right.
Who's ready to get freaky?
421
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,877
Brad, pick a girl
and meet me upstairs.
422
00:18:08,169 --> 00:18:10,130
You are the head of HR.
What are you doing?
423
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,132
That's what makes it so awesome,
right?
424
00:18:12,424 --> 00:18:14,551
It's like, who are you
gonna report me to, me?
425
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,803
I'm God! Heh, heh, heh.
426
00:18:20,181 --> 00:18:21,850
I'm gonna need these.
427
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,479
Hey.
Oh, my God. Your hair.
428
00:18:26,771 --> 00:18:28,398
You look like a Jonas uncle.
429
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:31,901
Oh, yeah. It's a perm accident.
Max did this to me.
430
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:33,445
What is going on with you guys?
431
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:36,448
Max didn't want me to date you
432
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:39,034
because he broke up with you
and broke your heart.
433
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:40,118
Dave,
Max did not break my heart.
434
00:18:41,161 --> 00:18:42,954
I broke up with him
after we graduated.
435
00:18:43,246 --> 00:18:44,497
What?
Yeah.
436
00:18:44,789 --> 00:18:47,125
I knew he was gay.
He just didn't know it yet.
437
00:18:47,417 --> 00:18:50,920
Oh, wow. Um...
438
00:18:51,212 --> 00:18:52,881
Angie, I can't go
on this date tonight.
439
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,341
I gotta find Max.
440
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:56,635
Okay. Want me to run inside
and get you a hat?
441
00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:59,179
Oh, God. No, no.
I look terrible in hats.
442
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,642
I never asked. How's it going
with that work husband thing?
443
00:19:03,933 --> 00:19:07,312
We just decided to be
real wife and real husband.
444
00:19:07,604 --> 00:19:08,146
Save the fiirting
for each other.
445
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,565
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
446
00:19:10,857 --> 00:19:12,359
What you about to do?
What's this?
447
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,527
You're not about to do
what I think. Deeper.
448
00:19:16,946 --> 00:19:18,323
Temple Grandin.
It's Pat.
449
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:20,116
Uh... You look good, man.
450
00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:22,786
I look like a Quaalude dealer.
Max, can I talk to you?
451
00:19:23,078 --> 00:19:25,580
Anything you gotta say,
say in front of my real friends.
452
00:19:25,872 --> 00:19:27,749
Fine. I know you lied
453
00:19:28,041 --> 00:19:29,876
and Angie broke up with you
in high school.
454
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:32,045
Okay, scootch.
Nothing to hear here.
455
00:19:32,337 --> 00:19:34,714
Max, don't go anywhere.
Come on. I love you.
456
00:19:35,006 --> 00:19:37,926
I mean, we all love you.
Just...
457
00:19:38,218 --> 00:19:41,346
Fine. This is so stupid.
458
00:19:41,638 --> 00:19:43,014
I guess Angie did dump me
459
00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:44,766
and I guess
she was the first person
460
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:46,101
I was ever in love with.
461
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:47,894
But even though
I didn't realize it
462
00:19:48,186 --> 00:19:50,230
at the time
I was in love with her here
463
00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:51,856
and here,
464
00:19:52,148 --> 00:19:54,567
but I was definitely not
in love with her down here.
465
00:19:57,153 --> 00:19:58,446
Talking about my penis.
466
00:19:58,738 --> 00:20:00,198
Got that.
Couldn't be more clear.
467
00:20:00,490 --> 00:20:01,616
- And my scro.
- Okay.
468
00:20:01,908 --> 00:20:04,744
I get it.
The code is not about sex.
469
00:20:05,036 --> 00:20:07,497
You loved this girl,
and she broke your heart.
470
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:10,458
I got your back. I would never
do something like that to you.
471
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:12,502
Thanks, dude.
472
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:14,379
I thought
I was the most special girl.
473
00:20:14,671 --> 00:20:16,840
Oh, no. You are. It's just...
Angie's special to me
474
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,300
because she was
my last straight relationship.
475
00:20:19,592 --> 00:20:22,303
You were my first gay relationship.
Wait. What?
476
00:20:22,595 --> 00:20:24,264
Dating you
was like dating a gay dude,
477
00:20:24,556 --> 00:20:25,974
but it was awesome and great
478
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:29,894
and gave me the strength
and courage to come out, so...
479
00:20:30,186 --> 00:20:31,896
Aw. That is weirdly sweet.
480
00:20:32,188 --> 00:20:33,231
Wanna make out?
No.
481
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:34,774
For old times' sake?
482
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:36,693
Wait a second. What about me?
483
00:20:36,985 --> 00:20:38,737
God. I don't know
how we're gonna get this
484
00:20:39,028 --> 00:20:40,739
through that
blond doll head of yours,
485
00:20:41,030 --> 00:20:42,615
but I am gay.
486
00:20:42,907 --> 00:20:44,576
Hello.
I like dudes.
487
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,077
Never gonna change.
Okay.
488
00:20:46,369 --> 00:20:48,371
I know. I understand.
489
00:20:50,081 --> 00:20:51,207
But I bought you a harmonica.
490
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:55,044
You ask for a harmonica?
No, I didn't.
491
00:20:55,336 --> 00:20:56,671
He doesn't need a harmonica.
492
00:20:56,963 --> 00:20:58,381
You are losing your mind.
493
00:21:02,635 --> 00:21:04,179
Penny,
I don't think I can do this.
494
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:06,723
If you wanna get over him,
you have to watch.
495
00:21:09,225 --> 00:21:11,936
I can't look. Ugh.
Come on. Be strong.
496
00:21:12,228 --> 00:21:13,980
Oh, yeah.
I can't do this for you.
497
00:21:14,272 --> 00:21:17,859
If you're gonna love it,
you gots to love all of it.
498
00:21:18,151 --> 00:21:20,779
That's it. I'm out.
Crush over.
499
00:21:21,070 --> 00:21:22,489
You, my friend, are an animal.
500
00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,282
Don't gotta show off. Get down here.
Okay.
501
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:27,744
There you go.
Come spend a Sunday with daddy.
502
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,538
Fine. Why don't we...?
Ow! Ow.
38193
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