Original subtitles

Why are you doing this?

Because I can't bloody breathe, that's why!

It's like living in a vacuum.

It's killing me!

- Don't go, Dad.

- Daddy!

- Was that fun?

- Yeah! - Yeah?

Good. Okay, let's go.

Let's go.

- I'm flying a kite! - You're flying!

You're flying.

Okay, here we go.

This is the one.

This is the one.

This is the one.

That's it. Wind it.

I nearly got it!

I got it!

I got it!

- Dinner is served, madam.

Once upon a time,

there was,

there was a starfish!

A very brave, very inquisitive starfish

who loved to travel the world

on the salty seas, looking for adventure.

- But what about if a shark eats his arms?

- Oh, sharks don't eat starfish arms.

They're too spicy.

They prefer fish fingers.

- But what about if they did?

- Well, if they did,

the thing about starfish is,

the very magical thing about starfish,

is that if they lose an arm,

both arms, their legs,

they just grow them back again!

- Really? - Really.

- Really really?

- Really.

- Are there starfish in the big water?

- In the lake?

No, it's not salty enough.

- Hmm. But we could put some in.

- Yes. Yes, we could put some in.

Do you know, I think that is probably

enough for you tonight.

Night night.

Hey!

- Hey!

Grace gave me an idea

for a kid's story, so I'm just.

I'm just trying to get it all down.

- Can I see?

- No, ooh, no, not till it's done.

You know the rules.

Spoilsport.

- Mm-hmm.

How was it?

Emotional, for them.

- Yeah? - Sober for me.

- Oh, wow, do you think they're gonna cope without you?

- Doubt it.

They're already asking when I'm coming back.

- Well.

I mean, you don't have to.

I could always go back to work.

- And why would you do that?

- 'Cause it's my turn.

Support you for a change.

- But then you'd be unhappy.

And so would I.

You're bringing in enough for the time being.

I think it works better this way.

- Thank God. I completely agree.

It's a leaving present.

- You moppet.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Aw, Tom.

- I thought you might want to start painting again.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

My mum called.

What's today?

- The ninth.

Yeah, well.

They only put this on the packet so they can sell more.

- Well, you'll soon find out, won't you?

What did she want?

- She wanted to know what I was doing for my birthday.

- You mean she wanted to know

what she was doing for your birthday.

Yes.

We could always just ask her to come over.

Get your mum to come, too.

- Yeah, 'cause they're such good friends.

Or we could just go to the pub.

- Or we could just go to the pub.

- It's too cold.

Oh, for god's sake.

Why do I bother?

But warm your hands up first.

- Goodnight, little one.

I hope you're sleeping well in there.

I cannot wait to meet you

'cause we are going to have so much fun.

- Night night. - Night.

Hey.

You okay?

Mmm.

Sausage attack.

- Idiot. I told you.

Have you been sick?

God, my head's killing me.

My feet are cold.

- Aw. - God, I feel rough.

I want Radiohead played at my funeral, please.

Well, you'll be gone,

so I get to choose the music.

It'll be Abba.

- What?

No.

No, you hate Abba.

- Well, I'll want it to be a really miserable occasion.

Come on, you,

let's get you some clean jim-jams

and get you back into bed.

Ouchie. Hello to Nanny.

She's hurt her knee.

- Oh!

Oh, darling.

So what's the matter with Tom?

- Oh, he ate a Jurassic sausage.

Oh.

You need to take more care of that boy of yours.

- Oh he'll be fine.

I'll pick him up some Lucozade.

- Bye. - See you later.

Come on, then.

Let's go and have a look at this knee.

- Okay, so that's- - Yeah?

- Yeah, that's everything.

- Okay, so these are both of them? Yeah.

- And copies by the 23rd.

- Check.

Chill, Winston. It's under control.

You're on baby time now.

- Thanks.

Believe me, I am so ready for a bit of feet up.

Ah, there you are.

How are you feeling?

Tom?

Tom?

Tom! Tom, can you hear me?

Can you hear me?

- Hands cold.

- Cold. Okay.

There you go.

You're gonna be fine.

Someone's coming, okay? Someone's coming.

Tom, look at me. Look at me!

Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Stay awake.

Tom, stay awake!

Tom.

Can you hear me?

Tom?

- Left or right?

- I'm not sure what we're dealing with.

- What do you think? Which way?

The nearest. Right, go right.

It's okay.

It's all right,

they've just gone to get someone.

- Needles.

Needles. Needles.

Needles.

- What?

- My chest. Get them out, get them out.

- What sort of needles?

- Needles. Get them out. - It's all right.

- Get them out! - It's all right.

- Needles.

- Tom, it's all right. It's all right.

- Needles. - What's the matter?

Okay, Mr. Ray, try to relax.

- Needles. Needles. - Where does it hurt,

exactly? - Needles.

- How are you feeling, old chum?

- Feet.

Feet, cold.

Cold feet.

- Is there a history of diabetes in his family?

- I don't think so.

Nevertheless, we'll get you a warming blanket

and see if we can't do something about those feet.

- Well,

what is it?

Why is he turning that color?

Just relax and take care of that baby.

Your husband's in very good hands.

- Hey.

- Don't leave.

- Never.

Never.

Never.

- You all right?

- What on earth is going on?

It's been hours.

Where's the doctor?

- I'm sure someone will be along in a few minutes.

Jesus! Oh my god, Tom?

Get the doctor now! Now!

Tom, come on. Shh.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay, baby.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

Never surrenders.

All right?

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

- Never surrender! - Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

Do it! Do it!

- How is he?

- Not great.

- Well, have you spoken to a doctor?

Right. Well, I'm gonna find someone.

- Well, they think it might be food poisoning.

He ate some out-of-date sausages.

- Oh for god's sake!

Why didn't you throw them away?

- Well, I don't do the shopping.

Mrs. Ray?

Yes?

- Just a change of clothes.

Underwear, toothbrush.

Yeah, tell Gracie I'll be home as soon as I can.

No idea.

Okay.

Thanks, Mum.

- It has nothing to do with the sausage, Mrs. Ray.

The cold hands and feet are due to sepsis.

He has multiple organ failure.

We think the origin may have been a chest infection.

Somehow, the bug has got into his bloodstream.

and his immune system has massively over-reacted.

We're talking about something

that is very, very serious.

- Is he going to die?

- Nine out of 10 people who get this die within 24 hours.

But, your husband is still here.

If we move quickly,

maybe he can be the one we save.

- There will have to be intervention.

There will have to be

removal of the affected parts of the body,

beyond the spread.

- Very tightly, so it doesn't all shoot open.

That's it, you've got it.

- I'm gonna go down there, Mum.

- Good idea.

- Can I come?

Not today, sweetheart.

- But I've got a present for Daddy.

- What is it?

- It's a surprise.

- Aw.

- He'll love that.

We'll save it for a special day.

- But I want to see Daddy.

- I know, sweetie.

I know.

- How you doing, son?

Dad?

- Happy Birthday.

You remembered.

You always remember your kids' birthdays.

They're the happiest days of your life.

This is fun, eh, kids?

Where would you like the camera, sir?

Put it where you bloody want.

Over there. Go on.

- Everything okay, kids?

He's amazing.

He tells such great stories.

Everybody loves him.

It must be great having him for a dad.

Are you having a nice birthday, Tom?

We have to go further.

Well, what's left?

- Parts of his face are necrotic, gangrenous.

More sepsis.

- I don't understand.

His face is dying.

- Breathe.

What's happening?

- It'll be fine.

Don't worry about anything.

Just, just concentrate on the baby, okay?

- Please. - Please find help.

Say hello to your son.

I need you to think of a name.

Nothing stupid.

Okay?

I'm not having Bruce.

Or Lennon.

What do you think to Freddy?

I think Freddy's nice.

Do you like Freddy?

Knew you would.

God, I miss you.

I miss you so much.

Do you want a coffee or something?

- Oh, I can't stop.

I'm on a bit of a schedule.

Clients.

- Yeah.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Enjoy.

- It's only till you get back on your feet.

- Probably for the best.

Need to cut costs.

- It'll be fine.

- How's work?

Oh, you know, clients.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Getting it ready.

- You got the present, yeah?

Okay, let me just,

one second.

Come on. Shh, shh, shh, it's okay.

- Am I going to see Daddy?

- Maybe.

We'll have to see how he is.

Right.

Oh, good girl. That's it.

- Okay, just give me five minutes

with him on my own first.

I just need to make sure

this is going to work.

- Are you sure about this?

- Oh, it's been too long.

If I wait until after the reconstruction,

that's another three months.

Just keep her nice and calm,

and no sweets, okay?

- Mummy's gone to go and get Daddy ready.

Yay!

Yes, that'll be nice.

- Is that for Daddy?

Where's Nicola?

- She's gone to get Tom ready.

- Right, come on.

Let's go and see Daddy. - No! No.

She said for us to wait here.

- Do you want some sweeties?

- No! No.

It's not a very good idea.

- Well, that's a surprise.

- She gets excitable.

- I don't think a bit of chocolate is going to turn her

into Godzilla.

- Where's Daddy?

- He's here, Gracie.

- That's not my daddy.

- Grace, wait!

- Tom? Can you hear me, Tom?

We're going to need to know

how you are coping.

So I'm going to check regularly,

and when I do,

blink once if you're all right,

twice if you're in pain.

Okay?

- Ready?

- Physiotherapy?

- Yeah.

They must be pleased with you, tough guy.

They've been showing me all the new

Tom models they've been working on.

Oh?

- He suggested a Pitt or a Clooney.

But I said I just wanted something close to the original.

You may change your mind.

- Never.

We'll get the new you home,

get things sorted, get back on track.

It'll be tough,

but we can do it.

We can.

- I just,

I just want Grace back.

- She'll come around.

You're her dad, she loves you.

- I'm so worried.

- Me too.

But we're strong.

We'll find a way.

And we'll have help, my mum will help.

- And my mum.

- And your mum.

Yeah.

- Good.

Right.

Hello.

Why don't you answer your phone?

- Sorry.

I was outside.

Are you ill?

- No, I'm fine.

Well, when are you going in?

- Usual time.

When you do, talk to the staff

about checking on him regularly.

I was there about an hour

before the nurse came in,

and I didn't see.

- It's all right, Freddy.

Shit!

Can you read me a story tonight?

- Not tonight, sweetheart.

Mummy's really tired.

- Please?

- No, not tonight, Grace.

I'm really done in.

Come on, eat your dinner.

I'm not hungry!

- Eat your dinner, Grace!

Which one you doing first?

There we go.

- You look exhausted.

Are you getting enough sleep?

- Shouldn't think so.

- I'm really worried about you.

I wish you wouldn't keep saying that.

- You and the kids are all I have to be worried about.

- Right, why don't you go and get some books

and toys to put in your rucksack?

Okay?

- And you need to spend more time with her.

- Mum, don't.

- This is the beginning

of the rest of her life.

- I know.

- And yours.

- Mum.

- How are you going to bring up a baby?

How are you going to live here in this house if Tom,

when Tom comes back?

- Mum, stop, please.

If you don't, I don't think

I'm gonna be able to keep it together.

And I have to keep it together. Okay?

I have to.

Fuck off!

I can't do this, Tom,

I can't do it!

I can't!

Do you want to show Daddy your drawing?

- It's not done!

- Oh, okay.

Well, when it is.

Come on, come sit here.

There's been a good response to the run.

- Yeah? - Yeah, really good.

And the website's doing okay.

Yeah?

- Maybe you could do something for it.

- Nic.

- Hey, come on, are you going to eat that?

- Nic.

I need the loo.

- Oh, okay. - Now.

- Okay.

- Finished!

- Just a minute.

- Okay. - Mummy!

- Not right now, Grace.

I'm just helping Daddy up the stairs.

Freddy, stop it!

Mummy!

- Grace?

Grace!

Now that was silly, wasn't it?

I was going to look at your picture.

I just had to help Daddy.

It's very nice. And very good.

Can I show it to Daddy?

- It's for Daddy.

- Is it?

Thank you.

He'll love that.

You know he loves you very much, don't you?

And he's still your same Daddy.

Even though he looks a little bit different.

- But why does he have hooks?

- Well, they're just to help him

for a little while.

Until we can get him some better hands and arms.

Will you help us do that?

Good girl.

So, again, thank you for coming,

and let's get this show on the road!

- On your marks.

Get set.

Go!

Yeah! Go Mummy!

Go Mummy!

Brilliant!

Go Fairy!

- He is so slow!

Have we got enough money yet?

- That's what I'm trying to work out.

Are those the runners?

- How do you draw a cow?

- Well,

you start with a big circle for the body,

and then you do a smaller circle for the head

and then you add the horns,

and the tail, and the legs.

- Mine aren't gonna have any legs.

- Why?

- They're gonna be lying down

watching the runners.

- Oh.

Of course they are.

Honestly, if this had happened to anybody else,

I'm not sure the old me would have responded

to this kind of appeal.

Like you, I assumed we lived in a caring society,

that there are safeguards in place

to protect the victims of such life-changing illnesses

from being forced to beg for help

from their friends and family.

But the truth is, there aren't.

If Tom was a serviceman injured in the line of duty,

or a rugby match,

or if he was injured in an industrial accident,

then, yes, there would be systems, insurance policies,

and organizations in place to help us.

But Tom did nothing to put himself, or us, at risk.

He was Mr. Normal.

His illness came out of nowhere.

And there is no legislation

for things that happen to Mr. Normal.

No safety net to support him or his family.

Nothing to help us fight the battles

we are going to have to face

in the next 10, 20, or even 50 years ahead.

As far as the state is concerned,

all they have to do is give him two sticks to stand on

and hooks to do everything else with,

and their obligations to us are totally discharged.

So,

if you can help us do a little bit better than that,

if you can help us to fund the technology

that will make Tom's life a better, more bearable one,

help him regain his self-respect,

and allow him to make the contribution

that he is capable of,

then not only will you be more caring

than the society you live in,

but you will have the undying gratitude

of a small,

but very determined, family.

Thank you.

- Look!

- I know!

Clever, isn't it?

It's good, isn't it?

- I think this is going to take a bit more work.

- Sorry.

- It's all right.

I was thinking,

maybe I could take Grace

to playschool tomorrow instead of your mum.

What? Not a good idea?

- Maybe not yet.

She's got her routines.

She likes going with Mum.

I don't want to unsettle things.

And.

- What?

- The other kids.

- Yeah.

Yeah. No, of course.

It was just a thought.

It's open!

Grace! Gracie.

- Hello. - What?

Grace, Nana's here!

There's a good girl.

- Come on, you big lump.

Oh, that one, right.

There, good.

One on two.

Oh dear.

- Hello, love.

Nic, you're drowning in here.

- Here you go. - Come on, Freddy.

There's a good boy.

Have you talked to him yet?

- Not yet.

- Come on, let's go!

Off we go with Nana.

- Bye! - Bye!

See you later.

Come on, off we go.

- I'll have to give the car back soon.

Can't keep it forever.

- Don't see why not.

You've done enough for them.

- I can't, Tom.

I don't work there any more.

Besides, we're gonna have to get something bigger.

Well, well, what about the fund?

- We can't use it for living costs.

We could go on holiday with it.

Joke.

Maybe we should use the rest of the money to sue.

- I don't know, I still think that's a big ask.

- Yeah, but if they'd taken me to the right hospital,

or if we hadn't been left in A&E for so long.

- We can't afford it.

- No.

- Unless.

Mum suggested we sell this place

and move in with her.

- Yeah, that's not one of her better ideas.

- Well, I don't think it would be so bad.

It's much bigger.

She's just rattling around it by herself.

- No! - She'd be a big help to me.

- No!

- Well, it'd save a lot.

- Absolutely not. Not ever.

I don't even,

I don't even want to talk about it.

Tell her no.

This is our family house, Nic.

I'm not losing it.

We're staying here.

That's final answer.

And again.

Go on, shoot!

Yeah, back.

- Go get them, Fred.

Goal!

- Good boy! Clever boy!

Oh, I know.

You ready?

- Yeah.

I hope it's better than the last time.

- You're in good shape now.

He'll go for it.

- God, I hope so.

I'm so sick of looking like this.

- He will.

Come on, we don't want to keep him waiting.

Good. Good.

Very good.

- This is the bit I worry about.

It gives me trouble when I eat

or drink.

Are you going to do more work on it?

Give me a properly functioning mouth?

Maybe one that looks a little better.

The nose is okay, I can, um,

I can deal with that, but it's,

the rest gets me down.

- I understand.

And I wish I could be more optimistic.

To be honest, I'm not sure that

there's much more that I could achieve.

Or that the pain that I would have to

put you through would be worth the result.

- Are you saying this is it?

This is how I stay?

It's not,

it's not gonna get any better?

All the dribbling,

the wetness,

the ugliness.

- If you'd like, I could refer you to a specialist

for a second opinion.

- I thought you were a specialist!

- I am, but- - But?

- Not in facial reconstruction.

You are my first.

- He did save your life, Tom.

- Fly away and back again.

Fly away and back again.

Do you remember when we used to do this

when you were kids?

Not really. No.

- Well, we did.

- Mum, if it's all the same to you,

I prefer not to imagine you and me and Dad

in some sort of happy family scene.

I always wondered why you married him.

- Because I was in love with him.

- Really?

Well, none of the rest of us were.

- Yes, you were.

Not now, obviously, but you were once.

He was your dad.

Not a fantastic man,

but

he was your dad.

- I could never understand

why all the other kids had such great dads,

and we were stuck with him.

Adam and I, we used to talk about it for hours,

wondering if we were going to grow up

to be as crap as he was.

- You're nothing like him, either of you.

You're good fathers,

and you care about the people you love.

- Eat your food up, Gracie.

I am!

Yeah, but you're not eating your meat.

- Yeah. - You've got to eat your meat.

It'll make you strong.

Won't it, Mummy?

Yeah.

Do you want me to cut that up for you, Freddy?

There.

- Mm. - Mm. You're doing very well.

There you are.

- Mum, can you look after Freddy tomorrow?

Yes, of course.

- Well, I could look after him.

- It's his toddler swimming.

Oh.

Can I have some more?

What, are we on rations or something?

Your boyfriend called.

- He wants to know if I'd be interested

in going back to work with him.

- I'll bet he does.

- We need the money, Tom.

- Well, never mind.

I've done the lottery this week.

I've done five lines.

- Pass the salt.

This is pepper!

It doesn't matter. Don't bother.

It's bad for me anyway.

Everything's bad for me.

Can we go again tomorrow?

- We've looked so many times.

Can't we go do something else?

- Please?

- No.

- But what if the salty sea brings one tonight?

- It was a story.

I made it up.

You see, the salty sea can't join up with our lake,

so the starfish can't get there.

- But you said all the water joins up somewhere.

- Did I? Well, I made it up.

I shouldn't have done that.

People shouldn't make things up.

They should tell each other the truth.

- But it might be the truth.

Grownups don't know everything.

- No, they don't.

Night night.

- Night night.

It's okay. I'll get Nana to take me.

Good boy, there we go.

Yes.

Grace!

Grace, what are you doing?

- Nothing!

All right.

Bad day at all.

On travel fronts, roads doing pretty well so far.

Nothing blocked, no accidents that I know of at the moment.

Anything you do,

please do get in touch.

Oakham, Uppingham, and the villages coming up.

Anything that's going on in your-

- Tom?

I've left your pills out,

don't forget to take them.

No.

Promise?

- No.

Tom?

- Yes!

See you later.

- What?

Come on!

- Hello?

Tom?

- There isn't gonna be any fucking compensation.

Dear Dad.

It's been a long time.

I hope you're well and busy.

I've always followed your career,

especially when you were at the National.

You may not know this,

but you were a big influence on us.

I used to love doing accents and dialects,

but my mouth's all swollen up now,

and my lips are distorted,

so the diction's mostly gone.

I wish things had gone differently for us.

Where's the sense in life

if we just fill it with silence?

I woke up one night and started to die.

It's made me realize that

our relationships are all we leave behind.

The thing is, Dad, I'm broke.

I mean really brassic.

The illness has cleaned us out,

and it's getting to the point

where we're going under, so

I am writing to ask

if you can help us out with a small loan,

help us get through the next few months

till I can get back into some kind of work.

If you can't spare a few bob,

perhaps we could still stay in touch

and fill some of the silence.

Grace seems much happier these days.

- Just give it a fucking rest.

- Sorry? - Why? What are you sorry for?

You sorry for sticking your nose in?

- Tom.

- What?

- I worry about what's best.

- Well, you don't get to decide what's best.

We do that.

You don't get to make the decisions. We do.

I do, I do that because they're my kids.

And I'm their father, not you.

Yes?

- Well, I'm sorry if you think I'm interfering-

- Sorry. Yes, you're sorry.

You're so sorry.

Sorry that your daughter ever fucking married me.

That's not fair!

- No, it bloody isn't!

Do you know what else isn't fair, huh?

It's not fair that we all have to live here with each other.

That was another one of your great ideas.

What's fair about that?

'Cause no one asked me.

Were my feelings ever considered?

No! And here we bloody are!

- I had to do something!

You were going to lose the house anyway.

- Please, stop it! Stop it!

- You think it's fair that I got eaten

by some fucking killer bug?

- Tom!

- And I suppose you would think it would be fairer

if I hadn't managed to beat the fucking thing

and survive.

Perhaps it would have been fairer if I'd died,

- Oh! - to everyone else.

Is that what you think? Huh, is it?

Then you could take over completely.

You could run everything Jean's way!

Well, I'm so sorry to get

in the fucking way!

What!

It's not me.

It's her.

- She's just trying to protect me.

Me and Gracie and Freddy.

She's done

everything she can.

We all do everything we can.

We walk on eggshells around you.

You only see how this thing affects you.

You don't, you won't see how it's hurting everybody else.

- No, she's,

she's stealing you away from me, Nic.

You and the kids.

No, actually no,

it's worse than that.

It's like she is turning me into a kid.

It's like you and her, you're the,

you're the fucking adults,

and I am just another baby

to be spoon fed,

cleaned up after.

It's like

I'm losing

everything, every last bit of what makes me a man.

It's disappearing.

And then,

after I've lost my dignity,

what do I have left?

Nothing.

Nothing, that's it.

I can't work. I can't make money.

I can't give you or Freddy or Grace

any of the things that I wanted to.

All the things,

all the things I never had.

I can't,

I can't kiss them goodnight.

I can't hold their hands.

I can't even smell them.

I can't smell you anymore.

Or make love to you.

- I can't, Tom.

I can't.

I can't do that any more.

Look at me.

I'm a wreck.

I'm not desirable.

Do you really want to make love to me?

Do you really need another reminder

of what it was like before?

Of what we've lost? 'Cause I don't.

I just want to get through the days

and get us to some sort of secure place, where if,

I don't know,

some sort of normality that isn't this.

If we can't ever be truly happy,

at least we could have some sort of happiness around us.

You, Grace and Freddy are everything to me.

And I'll never stop loving you, Tom.

I'll never stop believing in you.

But,

I can't,

I can't make love to you.

I just can't.

I can't be that girl any more.

I've seen, I've done things

that no lover should have to.

I don't even dream like I used to.

I don't dream at all!

I just plan,

and I try and get through the days.

And you make that so very difficult, Tom.

With your,

with your black moods,

and the way you hate everybody and everything!

God knows you have a right to be angry,

but we are not your enemy.

Not me, not Gracie, not Freddy,

not my mum.

We're the ones who love you.

We're the ones who go through that pain with you.

Every inch.

Every second! Every day!

And all we get back is more hurt,

more anger, more pain.

God, it's getting like we can't

even breathe when you're around.

You just,

you just suck all the air out of every room you're in!

- Don't leave me, Nic.

Please.

Please don't leave me.

- Don't you get it?

We're not leaving you.

It's the other way around.

Pass!

Oh, I'm gonna shoot.

Here!

Yeah, here.

Yeah.

Here we go.

Yeah, yeah!

- Oh, Joey! - Idiot!

What did you do that for?

- You'd better go get it

or get another one.

What a loser!

No wonder his dad ran off.

Tom?

What on earth are you doing?

- His ball's gone over the wall.

I'm helping him get it back.

Jean, can you pass me that ladder?

I'm sorry.

Ooh!

- Tom!

I'm all right.

I'm all right.

- Brilliant.

- Never surrenders.

- Daddy!

Daddy!

- Bloody brilliant.

Bloody brilliant.