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Pew! Pow!

Vroom! Vroom!

Vroom, vroom, pew! Boom...

Vroom... vroom vroom...

How you doing, Jack?

- Hey Frankie, how are you? - Good, good to see you, man.

All right my brother, got to get going.

- All right, talk to you later. - You too, man.

Jack?

Jack, are you awake?

Mmm...

Didn't you go to work last night?

No, I didn't—I don't feel well.

What's the matter?

Do you think you need to see a doctor, honey?

No, I'm fine I just need to sleep.

Well, are you going to work tonight?

I dunno I'll see how I feel.

Aren't you going to get in trouble?

Do you want me to go over there and talk to them?

No, that's okay I called them already.

And what did they say?

They said it was fine...

What?

They said it was fine!

I hope they don't find someone to replace you.

They won't.

Well, I hope you feel better.

Call me at work if you need anything.

Thanks.

Bye...!

Coming up with a name that fits who you are and what you offer

takes some rumination.

Many consultants do business under their own names,

as in "Pile & Company," "Wheerler Design,"

or "Peter C. Brown Associates."

There are some good reasons.

One is that the name of the business tells what the customer gets:

the person behind the name.

Consulting is a business of relationships.

When you do business under your own name,

you personalize the promise of a satisfactory relationship.

Another benefit is that you already own your name,

and you have the right to use it.

If you pick a name you do not own, say, "Quick—

'Scuse me?

Excuse me.

I'm sorry to bother you, but this woman isn't feeling very well.

Would you mind letting her have your seat? - 'Scuse me?

She's not feeling very well. Would you mind letting her have your seat?

Oh! Sure.

Thank you. Thanks very much.

No problem.

You okay?

I'll be fine, thanks. It's just the heat.

When it gets this hot, I have trouble breathing.

- Thanks. That was very nice of you. - It's okay.

'Scuse me.

Did you see a brown paper bag?

I just had it. It was right here?

No?

Aw shit...

'Scuse me. 'Scuse me.

Can you open?

Hey!

Gimme that!

Ugh!

Sorry.

You're all set.

Thank you.

Hey, Jack, what's going on?

I'm fucked.

- What's wrong? - I just had my gun stolen.

What? When did this happen?

A few minutes ago on the bus. I was coming home, I had all my shit in a bag, I look down and the bag's gone.

Jesus... that sucks!

Hey c'mon Andrew, let's go.

Hold on!

All right c'mon, we gotta talk.

Come on.

The right to have and keep property?

is one of the fundamental tenets upon which any civilization is founded.

And so as human beings, it is therefore incumbent upon us to...

nurture, cherish, and protect this... this sanctity, man!

In other words, you've been violated. On the most fundamental level!

As it is the mere basic concept of ownership—

is what essentially separates us, from the animals!

Well, that and a good haircut.

Y'know Jack, you should talk to Eddie about all this.

- Eddie? - Yeah! I mean—

He lives for this kind of stuff.

He'll hook you up!

He should still be at the Deli.

Nowadays they got the laser.

They don't even have to cut you open or nothing, and you're home the next day.

- Really? - Oh yeah.

I finally got the laser last year,

I was having trouble with my kidneys, right?

And I went to see Dr. H—uh, what's his name?

Dr. Chang. I— - Which one is that?

Dr. Chang. He's the one over on Webster Avenue there.

Beautiful man, y'know, Korean fella, but what a wonderful man.

And those orientals, boys, let me tell ya!

They're very hard workers. Very disciplined and everything.

And you gotta love their pork fried rice.

You ain't kidding!

So anyway I went to see Dr. Chang, and he said to me I had some kinda...

cyst or something on my kidney, and he's gotta remove it.

So what he says to me, he tells me about this new latest procedure

y'know, where they don't have to cut you open or nothing.

So what he does, he takes my penis in his hand, right?

and he shoots that goddamn laser right up the hole!

Disintegrates that thing in two minutes, I'm home the next day.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Who the hell are you?

I'm Jack...

Andrew's friend? - Julie Andrews?

No, Andrew your nephew.

Andrew, my nephew, that lazy bastard. You're a friend of his?

Yeah. Jack.

Jack Crawford!

Right?

Good! So how are you doing?

Geez, I didn't even recognize you!

How the hell are you? I must be getting fucking dopey, I'm sitting here thinking,

"Who the hell is this son of a bitch?"

How's your mom doing? - She's good.

Okay, what you doing here? You want something to eat?

No, actually, I came to talk to you.

'Scuse us, fellas.

Tell me what happened. You say a couple of colored guys jumped you?

No, I don't know who it was.

You don't know who it was?

Did you notice anybody out of place?

Anybody distracting you or anything like that? - No.

Anybody tried talking to you? Anybody starting a conversation?

Well, there was a girl there.

Geez, I should have seen that one coming.

- Seen what coming? - Pretty girl, right?

Someone older? A mother or grandfather? Right? Someone like that?

Yeah.

It's a pretty common setup.

Hey Eddie! How you doing?

- Hey Al! How you doing? - Good! You?

- Fine. Everything is good. - All right, I'll see ya.

Alright I'll be talking to you.

You been to the police about this shit?

No I—

I can't go to the police.

The gun belonged to my father before he died—

I always meant to, but I never really got around to getting a license for it.

Let me tell you something, Jack.

The one thing you don't want to do is get yourself messed up on any kind of gun charge.

Especially in this town. You understand?

They're just looking for people they could fuck over.

First, they put you on probation, then they hit you with a criminal record, right?

And believe me, that is something that'll fucking haunt you for the rest of your life.

That thing will be there like a fucking vulture flying over your head.

and then they'll slap you with a fine of three or four grand on top of it.

- Three or four grand? - That's right.

So if you want my opinion—understand?

And the only way you're going to protect yourself in all of this

is for you to locate this item yourself. - How am I supposed to do that?

Well, this is why you came to see me, right?

Understand?

As you know, I was deputy county clerk in this town for over 19 years.

I'm still politically inclined. I'm good friends with the mayor, the control,

various assemblymen, I know them all.

What I'll do is I'll make a few phone calls,

I'll talk to some friends of mine on the police force

and I'll see what I can find out.

Alright?

So, why don't you come to my house, say about 1 this afternoon?

I'll let you know what I found out, okay?

Okay. Thanks a lot, Mr. DeLuca.

No problem. Just take care, don't worry about it.

We'll get everything straightened out, okay?

Give my love to your mom, alright? - I will.

Alright, so I'll be seeing you.

Take care.

Jack, thought you might like this color.

I saved the receipt in case it doesn't fit.

Love, Mom. Over.

You owe me $32.44 for the phone bill.

Thanks.

Would you fucking look at this guy?!

What the hell have you been doing in there?

What, do you got a naked girl in there or something? Huh?

I was just having lunch.

Jack, can I talk to you outside for a minute, please?

Sure.

Now, haven't I known you for a long time?

Haven't I treated you like one of the family?

Right? - Yes.

So listen, I don't want you to be offended or insulted for what I'm about to tell you,

because I tell you out of concern and out of love for you, okay?

So I don't want you to feel hurt when I tell you,

that you better get your goddamn head out of your ass before you fucking suffocate to death.

Now, if you pardon my profanity,

understand?

Now, what time is it?

It's 2:47.

You're supposed to be at my house at—

at 1 hour, 47 minutes ago. - Oh, shit...

- 1 hour 48 minutes to be perfectly— - I'm sorry—

I'm sorry I must have fallen asleep, I'm sorry.

Shit... - Alright, let's just forget about it for now, okay?

Listen, what I want to do is I want to take a drive around town,

and I want to fill you on everything I found out, okay?

- Great. Let's go. - Alright. Let's go.

I'm really sorry about this, Mr. DeLuca.

Don't worry about it. Joe, you're a good kid.

- You mean Jack. - Yeah. C'mon.

Here, do me a favor, Jack.

Do me a favor. You drive, alright?

I think better when I look out the window. - Okay.

From what I'm told, this particular type of crime

has been occurring very frequently.

So my friends down at the force, they were able to narrow it down

to the names on this paper.

Now, listen to this, right?

Which are all repeat offenders and, number two,

they are all women, which is what you told me this one was, right?

- Right. - Okay.

So, our first one here we'll go... Judy Walsh, 56 Cherry Tree Drive.

The fuck is Cherry Tree Drive? - Isn't that over by uh...?

Is it? No, it isn't.

Over by, where? Y'know where it is?

- No. - No, right?

The new fucking developments they got today.

I know where it is!

Listen to me. Just stay on this road here, right?

And I'll tell you when to get off. I know where it is...

I'm not talking about those stuff you get in the tin cans.

I'm talking about the fresh-roasted peanuts, you understand?

Your engine oil pressure is low—

- Don't pay no attention to that—fucking... - Route service is required.

My fucking brother-in-law, he said he fixed that for me, right?

Never get involved with the family, let me tell you something...

The shell? The big shell? And the top hat, right? The cane?

One of those—what do they call those? Fucking... those glasses they wear?

That one eyeglass? - Uhh... a monocle.

Right! Right...

My brother, when he used to see that thing, he used to chase this guy,

used to call him names like you couldn't fucking believe it.

I mean it, I swear. And—like—

What'd he call him?

Fucking...

The guy— turds? Him and— something bout him and a goat in bed or something?

Y'know always would chase kids and everything... - Why'd he do that?

Why, fuck, y'know... not for anything. My kid brother, he was—y'know, he wasn't mean,

I mean he didn't want to hurt the guy, but he just thought it was funny. Right?

What he used to—listen to this,

He used to chase this guy down the street, hitting him with the cane, right?

Hit him with a stick in the back of the peanut shell.

And this guy was trying to run,

but he couldn't run, because of his peanut shell? And he had to hop-like!

My brother used to beat him up!

"Michael you got to break this fucking thing open!"

Jesus, that fucking thing was funny.

Man, I never laughed so— I'll never forget that as long as I live.

You fellas say you have an appointment with her?

Yeah, we were talking to her yesterday, and she told us to be here about 3:00 today.

Well, my daughter Judy, she sorta does have a different understanding of time

than most folks.

Geez, it is hot out here, isn't it?

I'm not sitting out here just for my health.

What do you mean?

In about four minutes, there is this sweet,

sweet young thing who's getting ready for work,

and I'll be damned if she don't leave the curtains wide open

when she's changing her clothes!

Where's that?

The grey house right back there.

Oh, that girl is something...

Blonde hair. Long legs.

Hoo-wee!

I walked past there every day for near a year before I hooked into what was going on there.

- How old is she? - Oh, 50, 51 at the outside.

She works down at the motor vehicle office,

and she's got the body to prove it.

Tch.

There's one day she was exercising on a stair climbing machine,

and she didn't have on much of— - Bye, Dad.

Well, that's Judy now. Oh, you fellas go on inside.

I got business to tend to right here.

Mr. DeLuca.

Eddie.

- Hello there, young lady. - Oh.

You guys friends of Dad's?

That's her.

Well actually, we came by to see you.

Uh yeah, what can I do for you?

I believe you know this young man Judy.

Nope. Can't say that I do.

Look, I need that gun back.

Pardon me?

Judy look, my friend Jack here,

he was on a number 14 bus coming across town this morning,

and he had his bag stolen.

He recalls seeing you on that bus this morning,

and we were wondering if you happened to see anything.

Uh, nope, I think you got the wrong person.

I wasn't on the bus this morning.

Judy, look, this is a promising young man here.

Please, don't trip him up, okay?

Just... tell us what we want to know and—y'know, open up your heart,

is what I'm asking you.

Y'know we haven't been to the police about this yet

because our only concern is recovering the missing item.

Let me tell you this.

I was deputy county clerk in this town for 19 years,

and I'm going to tell you this one time.

If you don't tell us what we want to know, you're going to find yourself in deep trouble.

And that ain't gonna be the kind that gives you dishpan hands—

Listen old man. Who the hell do you think you are, threatening me?

I want the two of you guys out of my house.

Get the hell out of my house now. Before I call the cops.

Now what?

I tell you the truth, I don't know.

Y'know I didn't figure any definite plans of... of anything,

but I figured we'd just play it by ear.

Think she's got the gun here?

Nah, she's too smart for that. She already got rid of it.

Y'know I wanted to ask you, your detective friend,

was he able to find out anything about the girl she was working with?

What, the young one? Nah.

She's just a window dresser. This is the one we want.

Because I was thinking,

if we find out who she is,

maybe I can go to her place and question her?

Jeez, what the hell do you want to do?

Get laid or you want to get your fucking gun back? Huh?

What is it?

What is that, an apple?

Yeah, you want one?

No. Too hard for my teeth. I can't chew it.

How about that peach? Let me have that peach.

Yeah...

Aw, that's a good peach.

Why don't you go follow her?

What do you mean?

That's what I mean, I mean just go follow her. That's what I said.

Then what?

Well, then you do whatever you're supposed to do

and you, y'know, follow her.

Just don't let her out of your sight. That's all.

Go ahead. Go.

Do it. Go get her.

- Gah! - Listen you. You'd better stop following me.

I just want my gun back.

Don't you raise your voice to me, or I'll mace you.

Do you hear what I'm saying? I'll do it...

Well then you're gonna have to do it because I'm not going anywhere without my gun.

You think I'm kidding.

What is that?

Ahh—!

That's Joe Van's Musk! Which sells for $15.99 a bottle.

So now you know, I mean business.

♪ Days go by and his nights become his best friend ♪

♪ On the couch he sits by the telephone ♪

♪ Wonders if his loneliness has no end in sight ♪

♪ So gets stressed out and puts on cheap cologne ♪

♪ And it's always for you

♪ It's always for you

♪ It's always for you, it's always for you ♪

♪ When I just can't take anymore! ♪

♪ And it's always for you

♪ It's always for you

♪ It's always for you, it's always for you ♪

♪ When I just can't take anymore... ♪

Hey you.

You want a beer?

No.

Oh, go ahead. Take it.

Long day, huh?

Yeah, long day.

I got to give it to you, you sure do have stamina.

Guess it's cause you're still young.

Y'know...

I thought you almost had me back there in the gynecologist's office.

I'm sorry about that. I should've knocked before I opened the door.

I never knew what was... involved in that kind of examination.

Well, it's a good thing Dr. Katz is a real professional.

Y'know you really can only trust the Jewish ones.

Listen.

I really don't have your gun.

Everyday life is only an illusion...

behind which lies the reality of our dreams.

What?

It's a bumper sticker.

See, it's right next to another one.

"Postal Workers Do it With Their Tongues."

Alright.

Tomorrow night around eight, nine o'clock,

I want you to go to 145 Woodhurst.

I'm not promising anything, but, maybe somebody there'll be able to help you.

Okay?

Thank you.

First thing though, you gotta... clean up a little bit.

Lose that shirt. It makes you look uh... too Italian.

Y'know I had a dream about him last night.

Who?

- Eddie. - Oh—!

I was—

I was walking through this... green grassy field.

I came over this little hill and there he was, except...

it wasn't the real Eddie, it was Eddie...

his head and face, but it was on a little baby's body.

He was standing on some kind of pumpkin thing,

and he was yelling at me to choose a number between 1 and 10.

Yeah?

So what'd you do?

Well, it got really weird after that, it—

I turned around and I tried to run away, except I couldn't get anywhere.

I looked down, I noticed I was completely naked!

Finally, I got to this woodsy area and I turned around—a tree and there was my mother and...

she was naked too.

And before I know it— - Oh... wait, wait, wait, whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa...! You don't go there!

Sheesh, man...

What—What is wrong with you, Jack?

I mean you really got to get some— sense of perspective about all this.

I mean it all just sounds...

way... too—

Disturbed?

No, I was going to say psychotic, but you know what?

"Disturbed" is actually a good word too.

Ah man, you really need to relax.

Hey, you know what?

I got just the thing, man.

In the glove compartment, there's a white box.

Yeah baby, that's it.

You open that up, and I guarantee you, man, that'll smooth out all the wrinkles.

- No... - Make you feel better about everything.

- I don't think so. - Come on, Jack.

- Not tonight. - You got to try that.

I don't want to.

All right, man. You know that's the last one.

If you're not gonna take it...

I will.

Take it.

All right. Grab the wheel.

Let's ride. Huh?

C'mon Andy.

Andy, come on!

Yeah! Whew!

Ay! What do you think you're doing?

What do you think you're doing walking around here

without a drink in one of those hands?

- Oh... - Hold your hand out.

What'll you have? - What do you got?

I'll tell you what...!

I make a Scotch Rocks, smooth as mother's milk. Steady now...

I'm told I make the goddamn Mount Rushmore of Scotch Rocks.

You try that right now...

- It's good. - You think?

- Good. - Yeah...!

Ha! I don't know what it is. It's a gift or something.

I guess I got all that Irish blood running through the system, y'know?

- Must be. - Hey, I can do an impression of an Irishman!

Do you want to see it? - Sure.

Watch close...

I'm drunk, let's fight.

Shit, that gets me every time.

My name is Tom Cafferson.

Jack Crawford.

Whoa! Jack, look at this!

All that beef!

You must workout.

- Here or there. - Oh yeah, lift weights? You jog and stuff like that?

- Sure. - Me too! Y'know I—try to eat right,

lay off the sauce.

You know what keeps me in shape?

Guess...

R-ball.

Racquetball!

Nothing like a good game of racquetball.

Bonk, bonk, keeps yourself going.

You play racquetball?

Oh, yeah, nuts for racquetball.

Listen, uh,

I was wondering.

Would you happen to know anything about guns?

Guns are a little too violent.

Racquetball is about the best I can manage.

Racquetball has always been first on my plate.

We got some guys down at court Jester, on 35?

We meet, y'know a couple of times a week and play racquetball down there, you oughta see that place.

You get like, 12 courts, they're all nice and clean?

That's a great-looking place, the whole McGilly.

You know what we got you'd like down there?

We got a dynamite massage room.

Ooh about once a week I like to get loosened up with a massage,

takes away the stress of the day.

You know those're expensive, $35 a pop for a massage,

So what we've been doing with some of the guys, y'know,

is getting together, and we've been giving each other massages.

Oh yeah we have this book,

and it's got pictures and diagrams and everything.

Proper massage techniques, start from my toes, working up my fingers,

working in like that.

You oughta come down and visit the place, y'know?

We're always looking for somebody new down there.

Ah! Maybe, heh...

How about tomorrow night?

Uh! No, I don't think so.

I can't tomorrow, but thank you very much.

That's okay, suit yourself.

It's really not very exciting work.

Most of the time, it's really dirty.

I sorta have this thing about germs, and being around a lot of sick people,

y'know touching them, and cleaning up after them.

y'know... bedpans and tubes and, the bandages, and that stuff...?

I just don't really have the knack for that sort of thing.

How long have you been a nurse?

22 years.

I tell you, the situation in the nursing industry right now

is not very good either.

There's a lot of cutbacks, a lot of layoffs,

stuff like that.

It's been real rough for us male nurses in particular,

especially over these last few years with what's been happening with those...

guys who were, y'know, injecting their patients with cyanide and arsenic.

You heard anything about any of that?

Yeah I remember reading something about that.

They were using drugs that were so easy to trace.

It's almost like they wanted to get caught!

Right now,

I could name you ten, fifteen different ways to kill somebody in a hospital,

and nobody would ever know the difference.

That's the beauty,

the whole idea of natural causes.

Ten or fifteen different ways, huh?

Let me ask you something,

you wouldn't happen to know anything about guns, would you?

Oh no.

No guns, man.

They're too noisy.

See, if you do it right,

they never even wake up.

What hospital did you say you worked at?

Memorial.

Can I borrow your pen for a second?

I want to... write that down. - Yeah, here it is.

I don't want to forget that.

And so, in essence, we as a society are becoming no more than the very same person.

Thinking, and feeling, and seeing, and speaking exactly alike.

We take an identical information in the form of mass media.

We value it, assess it, judge it by that single set of criteria,

which has been formulated in the same way.

You see there's no one person or group of people responsible for this.

We're all to blame, every single one of us.

You have to remember that the media isn't some foreign entity,

which exists outside of society, or separate from ourselves.

It's merely people trying to do their jobs as best as they can,

just like any of the rest of us.

The media is us,

at our worst, perhaps, but it is still us.

And it's only as powerful as we choose to make it.

The media merely holds a mirror to a society,

which already is holding a mirror to itself.

The reflection of the shot:

perfect machine,

free from all friction.

We're both perpetrator and victim,

creating our own destruction.

Getting back to your initial question there Jack,

no, I don't know where the hell the bathroom is.

It's okay.

It's okay...

Hey you. You want something?

No, I'm just looking for someone.

Is your name Jack?

Yes?

Come here.

Come over here.

Sit down.

I'm Mel.

Now,

what is it I can do for you?

I'm looking for a 38 revolver, stolen gun.

I might know one or two,

but let me tell you something.

I don't know you from my left fucking nut, so you better listen closely to what I'm going to tell you.

A man...

is only as good as his word,

but any man who breaks his word by turning on those who have given them their trust

were as lower than the lowest of fucking dogs.

Do you know what I'm saying to you?

Yes, I do I—I just want my gun back...

No.

Do we understand each other?

Yes.

Good.

Go here, tomorrow night.

Thank you.

And I don't gotta remind you what happens to fucking stray dogs.

They get put to sleep.

Well that won't be a problem,

I always had goldfish when I was growing up.

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

Hey, how you doing?

I'm looking for a Sandy?

Well uh, why don't you have a seat? I'll see what I can do for you.

Ah. No thanks.

Bar. Two drink minimum.

I'm just waiting to see somebody.

House rules, two drink minimum.

How much?

14 bucks.

14 bucks for two beers?

You want to pay now, or you wanna hold the tab?

Pay now.

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

♪ Please, sir ♪

Jesus...

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

♪ Please, sir ♪

♪ I wanna go home ♪

Hi, how are you? You're here to see Sandy?

- Yes. - Great, why don't you come with me then?

You're here for the auditions?

The what?

The audition for the new dancer?

No, no, I'm just here to speak with Sandy.

Aw, that's too bad, because I tell you got the right looks for it.

Thank you.

Nice face, good physique, sort of that college-boy look,

very popular with the ladies these days.

Come on Michael! Work it!

All right! You owning it, man.

Alright, you tell 'em what time it is!

He's great, isn't he?

Yeah...

Hey listen, I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable with the remark I made about you.

It's just I'm a dancer here myself and I'm always on the lookout for new talent.

Not at all.

How long have you danced here?

Well, it's been about eight years come this fall.

Really?

Tell you the truth though,

I'm just working here until my music career takes off.

Oh, you're a musician?

Yeah I'm a singer-songwriter, and I play keyboards.

That's great.

I haven't hit with anything really big yet,

but I've got my dreams,

and I'm working hard—

I'm working real hard.

so it gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

Well, the journey is its own reward.

That's really beautiful.

Uh—Sandy's in there.

Thanks.

Yes?

Hi, uh,

are you Sandy?

Honey,

I will be whatever you want me to be.

Kay, um—

Mel gave me your name?

And said that you might be able to help me find something I lost.

What? Your virginity?

No, no actually...

Why don't you go ahead and take that shirt off?

Oh no, I'm not here for the audition. I'm not a dancer.

I didn't say you were a dancer...

I just want to see your stuff.

You must want something from me, so you better make it worth my while.

Come on, let's go. Show me what you've got.

Okay, get dressed.

Now can I ask you something?

For that, you get one question.

Okay...

I was wondering if you know anything

about a gun that was stolen from me the other day.

It's a 38 revolver.

A gun?

No,

I don't know anything about any guns, Officer.

I'm not a cop.

Oh really?

You mean you're just naturally this square all on your own?

All right. If you're not a cop then what the hell are you?

What am I?

I don't know, it's a tough question.

Actually, I've been doing a lot of thinking about that for myself lately,

metaphysically speaking, of course.

That's very funny...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by that.

You punks make me sick.

Why don't you go run home now?

I think I hear your mommy calling you.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I really didn't mean anything by that.

I got a better idea for you.

Stay right there.

Oh, Jonathan?

Could you come in here for a moment, please?

Hey.

Jonathan, take him outside and beat the shit out of him.

Aw shit—!

No!

Ugh!

Hah! Hah!

Hah! - Ack—!

Argh!

Hey, look, I'm sorry about all this.

I mean, it's nothing personal.

Look, just take a few extra strength Tylenol

and put some cold compresses on your head and you'll be fine tomorrow.

She says, "Now what I want you to do is blindfold me,

and tie me to the bed."

So the guy obliges, he blindfolds, and ties her to the bed,

and now she's laying in the bed spread eagle,

and she says, "Now, I want you to do what you do best!"

So the black guy, he looks at her, thinks about it for a minute,

then he goes off and robs the whole fucking house.

What the hell happened to you?

It looks like somebody did a number on you.

Move over.

Not gonna say one word to you, Jack.

Not one fucking word.

You understand?

I'm not going to say nothing...

except of course, I hope you got some brains in your head because you sure ain't pretty anymore.

That's for sure. - What the fuck happened?

I went to talk to that lady down at the club and she went completely nuts.

What did you say to her?

Nothing, I—

I made some stupid joke, that's it.

Aw, man...

I can only imagine what kinda fucking joke you must've told her.

If you needed jokes, man, you should have come seen this guy. He's got all the good ones.

Where were you anyway? I thought you were supposed to come with me.

Yeah, sorry about that.

I got caught up in this really intense racquetball game.

Actually—!

I was playing with this old guy I met at the party the other night.

Guy's in awesome shape, you got to come hang out with us, man!

A tall guy with a mustache?

Drank scotch that night? - Yeah—

Fuck is going on here?! What is you two, Martin Lewis or something?

What's wrong with you!

Him, I know what's wrong with, but you Jack?

Where's your fucking head at?

Huh? What'd they do?

Give you some of that brain damage when they gave you that beating last night?

Enough of this racketball crap! You better get serious here.

Now, if you want my opinion, the only thing you got going for yourself

is this broad at the porno club,

and since you didn't get too far with her, why don't I take a crack at her?

I don't know if you want to do that.

Why? I can handle her. That's no problem.

I can give her the ol' Whoopity-doo, right Andrew?

Yeah that ol' Whoopity-doo does great...

So why don't I meet you say, 11:00 over at the...

Ice Cream Palace out of Cleveland? Do you know where that is?

- I know where it is. - It's by the Pergurmans. Alright?

- I know... - It's right off the corner.

I know!

11:00.

Mmm... that is good...

Not like that Friesn-Dazsn-glace shit they sell you at the supermarket.

If you ask me, that stuff tastes like monkey's piss to me.

If you pardon my profanity!

Now, I'd like to take you up on that kind offer,

y'know, as thanks for your help,

because Jack and I do need your help.

Or I should say Jack needs your help.

But, I need your help too, sweetheart.

But we could discuss that after the kids go to bed, you know what I mean?

What we're looking at now,

want to know if you know if anybody buying or selling a gun

in the past two or three days.

What we're looking for is a 38 revolver.

Well, there was this kid came into the place a couple of nights ago,

he was looking to sell a gun.

Do you know who he was?

Seen him around a few times before.

About your age.

Dark hair, probably around your height.

You know his name?

How about where he works or where he lives?

Actually you wanna know something, I think I do know where he works.

I think he works at that movie theater on 35?

He once told me he'd get me in free there if I let him do a number up on the stage.

A number? Waddya mean "a number?" Number one, number two?

- No, a dance number with the other boys! - Oh...!

You got me nervous there!

He's so cute, I could just eat him up.

Well I guess we gotta go over there, huh?

Okay.

Thanks a lot... Sandy.

Hey Jack, why don't you get the car started, alright?

Get that air condition going real good?

Me and Sandy's got some unfinished business to take care of, we'll be there in a minute. Alright?

Let me tell you something, Jack.

Sometimes you gotta use all your powers to get what you want. You understand?

Now you see what I did back there? Right?

Paid her a little compliment? Made her feel good,

saw how beautiful she was, right?

Treated her like a lady?

You understand what I'm saying?

You're the best. What can I say?

Hey. Let me tell you something. There's a lesson to be learned here. Right?

What happened? Right?

She told us what we wanted to know, right? Nobody got taken out back,

nobody got a beateng.

Your engine oil pressure is low—

Route service is required.

Shut the fuck up.

What'd I do with that son of a bitch...

Okay, here's that cocksucker.

What are you going to do with that?

Put this on here, and I'll show you.

- Oh shit! - And then we're gonna put this in here,

and I'm ready to go.

- I thought you didn't like guns. - I don't. I hate these fucking things.

But I'm not going to go in there with just with my prick in my hand.

If that guy's gonna see what I got between my legs,

he'll fucking run and hide in the bushes.

So why not just hit him over the head with it?

Heh, right. Jesus...

Excuse me. Is there a problem here?

There's no problem. I'd like to speak to the manager?

Yes, I'm the manager. Mr. Raj, the manager.

Roger, I'd like to ask you a few questions if you don't mind stepping inside.

No problem.

Ahem!

That's alright. Sometimes you just gotta go wherever it takes you.

So what happened? Is he in there?

Didn't show up. Hasn't been to work for a week.

Nobody's seen him. - Shit...

So what do we do now?

Listen, you got to look at things different now.

This kid hasn't been to work in a week. That means he's scared.

And if he's scared, he's going to slip up.

Did you get his name?

Now you're thinking. Now you're being smart.

I got it right here.

Christopher Bruner, 220 Harling Drive.

- Let's go. - Let's do it.

You know the funny thing is when he was little,

he was so friendly and affectionate!

Whenever we'd go anywhere, he'd never let go of my hand.

We'd go into restaurants, people would ruffle his curls

tell me how cute he was.

He was smart.

He was the smartest kid in his 2nd grade class.

Haha! They gave him a plaque. I still have it upstairs.

I dunno...

He's different now...

Well, kids they do change. Y'know that, don't you?

I don't know why, but I suppose it's just part of nature.

We just got to hope and pray that it's for the best.

Like my oldest son Joseph, he was having his problems when he was growing up,

but they usually work things out for themselves, y'know. God willing.

Is your friend all right?

He's been in the bathroom for a while now.

I almost forgot about him.

Hey Gary what are you doing up there? Reading those dirty magazines?

All right, I'll be right there.

C'mon we're going to go back to finish popping that corn.

Chris is one of the best kids we have working down at the theater.

Really?

Is he?

No kidding. Let me tell you something.

You got to see him working that soda machine like a real professional.

Why do you think we're so concerned that he didn't show up for the last week?

We were ready to send the Coast Guardsman after you.

Sorry, I had Mexican food for lunch.

That's all right, honey.

I know how that can be.

Chris's father was the same way in the bathroom.

Sometimes he'd stay in there for hours and hours.

I used to tell him,

"Why don't you take some of the dirty dishes in there with you?"

"At least you'd get some work done!"

But uh...

I shouldn't laugh really because eventually we found out

that he was actually a very disturbed man.

H-He was what the doctors called a "Severe Personality Disorder."

And he was very, very sick.

I mean God... the things he used to do in that bathroom

would make your hair stand on end.

For one thing,

you'd never look at a family-size tube of Crest toothpaste in the same way again.

I guarantee you that.

Gary, we gotta go.

Right.

Well. Thank you, Mr. Raj. It was very nice of you to come all this way and show your concern...

like this.

Y'know you're not at all the way Chris described you.

I pictured somebody...

browner.

I guess that's the word...

Well I—I think this will mean a lot to Chris.

Well, listen I'm sure deep down he's still a good boy.

Y'know, judging by the lovely young mother he has.

Mrs. Bruner I meant to ask you. Is Chris still seeing Kate?

Oh, well let me see.

Last I heard he was, but you know how it is.

There's this one, there's that one.

I can't keep up.

Is she still working at the same place?

The Chinese restaurant! Yep I think so.

That's the one down by Jug Fair.

Oh no, no, on Grape Road.

The House of Ing, next to The Paper Parade?

Right.

Thank you very much, Mrs. Bruner. It was nice to meet you.

- Take care now. - Bye...

You take care too...

- How'd you find out about the girlfriend? - I found his journal or something.

- Beautiful, I— - I know exactly which Chinese restaurant she's talking about.

You take South Jefferson over to Western, take 15 minutes tops.

Whoa whoa whoa, take it easy Jack. Take it easy.

We can't go rushing into all of this.

Gotta use our brains. We gotta be smart about this.

We got plenty of time to go over there later.

Right now we're going to go over to my house,

I'm going to let Lucy fix us a nice dinner - No... ugh...

because we didn't eat nothing all day.

You understand? We gotta fill our bellies.

C'mon we gotta get over there right now!

Listen to me, this is what they call biology,

"Science of the human body."

Man cannot think clearly unless he refuels. You follow me?

And besides, I got 3 pounds of sausage I gotta cook before it goes bad.

I got the hot, I got the sweet, I got it all.

Come on. - Sausage?

Let's go.

50 years come this October.

He's still a crazy man.

I don't know how I put up with him sometimes.

50 years.

Yeah, it's a miracle I made it.

I mean, he drives me out of my mind sometimes.

He is so stubborn!

Everything's got to be his way.

He won't listen to nothing anybody says.

But you know something? He can't do a thing without me.

He's just a big, big baby.

I have to do everything for him.

That's because you spoil him.

Jack if you only knew.

I mean that man is a piece of work.

Beautiful when he's out on the street,

but in this house,

he is a lunatic! - Move that chair.

Move that chair. - Oh, Eddie!

For God's sake. Don't you put that on my table!

Ugh, Eddie!

Cut the sanctimo'!

- Come on Eddie. - Jack...

this cheese is really going to talk to you.

Listen to me.

Svavagista.

- Eddie, that's too much cheese! - Shut—

He doesn't want that much cheese!

It's going to make him sick. - Don't worry about it. Its okay. It's fine.

- It's gonna bind him up inside! - Okay.

Eddie—! For God sakes...

- Now, Jack, I want you to taste that cheese. - Pfft...

And I dare you to tell me you don't love it.

Watch. Go ahead.

Ugh...

I love it.

Pfft!

A salut.

You know Jack,

that's what I figure life's all about.

There's joy and there's pain.

Let's just hope that it all balances out in the end.

I hope so.

Y'know I figured I knew what this kid Chris was all about.

Y'know? Coming from a broken family? Not being raised with a father?

But I tell you, that don't give him any fucking reason to rob people.

Y'know we all got our private suffering.

Y'know what I mean?

I lost my boy on July 16, 1971 in the war.

I got pain.

And every day I weep for my son.

Y'know not a day goes by...

but you don't see me robbing anybody.

He was a beautiful boy too. Let me tell you...

Boarding girls used to come banging on the door,

the phone used to be ringing all hours of the night.

He was beautiful, this kid.

Um...

I think I'm going to go to that restaurant by myself tomorrow.

Okay, Jack.

Hi. How are you?

- Fine. - Good.

How you doing!

Hi, I'm sorry to keep you waiting.

Aw that's okay. I can see you're really swamped here with this lunch crowd.

Actually, it's a lot busier than it looks.

Ah, well you handle the pressure so well.

So what can I get you?

What can you get me?

Y'know the dumplings are really good today.

Oh are they!

And if you order the lunch special you get fried rice and two egg rolls.

Ah!

Two egg rolls...

Do you need a few more minutes? Cause I can come back.

No. I—I'm ready...

I'll have chicken and broccoli with wonton soup.

Ahem... - Chicken broccoli, wonton soup.

- And the dumplings... - Dumplings.

And do you want anything to drink with that? - No.

- Looks like it hurts. - What?

Oh, I tripped.

How you doing. Uh, could I get my check?

- Sure, I'm sorry. - Sorry to interrupt your dinner.

It's okay.

Uh—

Can I ask you something?

You didn't happen to go to Clay High School by any chance, did you?

Yeah, I went to Clay.

Me too.

Y'know, I thought you looked familiar but, when did you graduate?

Uh... six years ago.

Six years ago...

Means you were a senior when I was in tenth grade.

What's your name?

Jack Crawford?

Actually, I transferred to Clay at the end of my senior year,

so I was only there for a few months, but, you said you were in tenth grade then, huh?

- Mhm! - What's your name?

Kate Monahan.

Kate Monahan...

You didn't used to go out with a guy with a big Black Trans Am, did you? The eagle on the hood?

Yeah that was me...

I remember you now.

You're not still going out with that guy, are you?

Yeah.

Actually I am.

Oh.

Y'know, I never really knew that guy. What was his name again?

Chris Bruner?

Chris Bruner, right.

So uh, what's he driving now?

- A Dodge Daytona. - Ah, very nice.

Very nice. Turbo?

- Yeah. It's a turbo. - I thought so.

Is he still wearing those white high tops with the big tongues sticking out?

- No. - Heheh...

He's not wearing those anymore.

That's too bad, that was a good look for him.

I'm sorry. You gotta get back to work?

No. Actually, my shift is over now anyway.

Oh. That's good. What time is it?

Oh, I gotta get going.

Tch, got a long walk home.

You have to walk home?

Yeah I don't have a car, but it's no big deal. It's only a few miles.

Well, listen,

I'm just about done here.

I can drop you off somewhere if you want?

Really? You don't have any plans or anything?

No. Actually, I was just going to take a drive.

Heh, that'd be great.

Okay well, just let me get cleaned up and I'll meet you out front.

- Okay. - Okay?

Thanks.

How do I define love? God, you don't waste any time, do you?

What? I'm just asking, how do you define love?

I dunno, I don't think that's something that can be defined in words.

Don't you think it's... kind of important to have a specific understanding of what love means?

No—I don't think people's lives are driven by love.

Sometimes, love is just a product of the fact that people don't want to be alone.

That's kinda cynical, don't you think?

See to me, it's the relationships we have with people,

trying to treat people with some kind of respect and honesty.

Connecting with people.

Really.

And is that why you've been trying to seduce me?

To see if we connect?

Have I been trying to seduce you?

I think so.

Heh...

I might be a little attracted to you, but does that mean I'm conciously trying to seduce you?

I think that would depend on how you define the word.

You should buy yourself a dictionary, for those real "need to define" words.

Well I just like to make sure I understand people.

And do you think you understand me?

I don't know.

N—I didn't mean that.

I think I might, Kate.

I gotta go.

Yeah, DeLuca here.

Mr. DeLuca, it's Jack.

Sorry it's so late, but I just found this— - Zach! There's no Zach here.

You got the wrong number, pal.

No, Mr. DeLuca, it's Jack.

Listen you son of a bitch, you know what time it is?

I tell you once already, you got the wrong number.

If you call me back here again I'm gonna fucking find out where you live

I'm going to come over there— - Mr. DeLuca, it's Jack Crawford.

Who?

- Jack Crawford. - Oh, Jack! What're you doing?

The fuck time is it? Shit...

You find out anything about that girl?

Yeah I think I did.

I found this thing written here, Academy Bus Line, 7:30 AM Friday.

Think this guy might be trying to leave or something.

Yeah? That might be something.

Y'know that might be worth checking out.

And when is Friday? Fri—Friday's tomorrow! Hell, what am I saying? Today is Friday.

You better get over there! 7:30's only a few hours from now!

Yeah I'm going to leave here right now.

Here? What do you mean here? Where the hell are you?

- Um. Still at her apartment. - Her? Waddya mean her?

This guy's girlfriend? Oh Jesus, what the hell are you doing? You didn't bang this broad didja?

- I'll tell you about it later, alright? - Christ, Jack, shit.

You better at least use the safety wheel. Tell me you at least did that, Jack?

I hope you didn't leave that damn thing lying around on the floor, did you?

Because that's really dirty, Jack. You got to flush those things right away, bro.

Somebody is bound to step on 'em! Slip and fall and crack her head open

or maybe the cat'll get home and— - I gotta go, alright?

Oh geez, what I wouldn't give to be 30 years younger.

Whoa, the fuck am I saying 30 years? I'd take 10.

10 years and a nice cold glass of water and I'd be set.

Let me tell you something, Jackie boy!

I don't care how much of a fucking low man I am,

I can teach a no good bum like you a few things how to please a lady.

- I gotta go. - Oh yeah! That's right.

First I start off with—

You're the one on the bus.

Yeah I was...

Hi! You're Tom's son, aren't you?

Your dad was Tom? You're Jack?

Yes.

You probably don't remember me, but I'm Agnes Janarone.

I used to work for your dad.

Right...

I can remember you when you were five years old!

You and your brother used to sit in your father's office and do your homework.

You were such well behaved boys.

How's your mom?

Uh—she's good.

She still works at the bank.

Your father was really a very special man.

He helped me a lot in my life.

You look just like him.

Thank you.

Well dear, take care of yourself.

Gothca—

Ack! Ugh!

Urk!

Son of a—bitch!

Yeow!

I make it to the casino about an hour later, right?

I got $200 in my pocket.

I said, "What the fuck am I going to do with $200?"

I go back to the crap table, right?

Put $100 down.

First roll, bingo, seven.

After that, seven.

After that, I can't do no wrong.

I'm hitting my points like you can't believe. Six and eight the hard way!

And on my left, who's standing there? Peter Lawford.

Two hours he's grabbing my arm. While I'm playing he's playing along with me,

betting with the dice.

Two and a half hours later, I'm ahead $15,000. Would you believe that?

That turned out to be a weekend like you can't believe.

Like I went to every show that you can think of.

I drank with the best out there.

That champagne, Dom Perignon, people.

Dom Perignon.

Peron! Dom Peron. Aw, that was great! Let me tell you something.

Sirloin steaks? Like three inches thick.

You know what I'm—? I'm telling you.

Lobsters? 12, 15 pounds a piece.

Big as my arm.

You laugh about it, it's the truth, I'm telling you.

I hung out with all of the best people.

Sammy Davis, Peter Lawford, right? Shirley MacLaine, Marty Hackett,

Joey Bishop.

I danced with Shirley MacLaine, like you can't believe,

for about an hour and a half.

Doris Day, let me tell you about Doris Day.

I took her to bed.

- Doris Day! - I took Doris Day to bed.

What a sweet kid she was, she was fantastic, believe me.

And uh... what did Lucy think of all this?

Lucy? The fuck? Are you kidding?

She didn't know nothing about this. - Ah...

We were just married at the time.

Let me tell you something, Jack.

When I was a young guy, I was a real fucking whore master.

I'm telling you, I used to fuck anything. Really.

I mean, there's nothing in this world I didn't like more than was woman. I love woman.

There's nothing can stop me.

But let me tell you,

if there's one thing I did, I made sure Lucy never found out about anything.

I never wanted to hurt her, or the kids.

But let me tell you something, Jack. Without my wife Lucy, and the kids,

I ain't nothing.

I'm telling you, I ain't nothing. And I ain't scared to admit that...

So I guess the point of all this,

Saturday morning I have $16,500 in my pocket.

By the time I left on Monday, I have $400.

But let me tell you something, I had a good time.

I enjoyed every minute of it.

See, that's the thing, you got to learn to live your life.

You follow me?

Let me tell you something, there's only one success:

and that's living the life the way you want.

The main thing is you got to remember, you just don't hurt anybody.

So what are you going to do now? You want to go over to that job?

Yeah, I gotta go over there.

Hey, I think you better go.

Naw I got time.

Heheh. What the hell?