Original subtitles

PENGUIN: Since Batbreath got that signal, my lead-time's been chopped in half.

Hurry, ladies, hurry.

That's it, put your backs into it.

Careful, that penguin's pure crystal.

[RUSTLING]

What's that?

Oh, no.

The statue, Penguin. Give it up.

BATGIRL: Actually, it would be more fun if he makes us take it from him.

Don't look so surprised, you knew I'd be back.

PENGUIN: | heard you got some backup, Batman.

But no one told me it was your baby sister.

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

Chop them into chum.

[SQUAWKS]

[MOTOR REVS]

[LAUGHING]

[BEEPING]

Whoa.

When do | get one?

Watch them.

[COCKPIT WINDOW CLOSES]

You get to do all the fun stuff.

All right, keep the statue.

Batman.

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

[BEEPING]

[COUGHS, GROANS]

Yes, he's all right.

It's just you and me, girls. Huh?

No!

[GASPS]

Master Bruce.

[GROANING]

-Alfred? -Ah, you know my name.

Then it would seem that nasty bump has caused no memory loss.

What happened?

Virtually no memory loss.

I'm afraid that your latest nocturnal escapade...

...went somewhat awry, Master Bruce.

-But some bed rest shall do you good. -No, no can do, Alfred.

It'll be dark soon, and, well, you know me. | can't wait to tackle the night.

Ah, yes, yes. The night which belongs to the Batman.

The Batman?

The night belongs to Bruce Wayne.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CAMERAS CLICKING]

I'd know that look of yours anywhere, Pop. You're about to raise the roof on this place.

So, commissioner, this must be your lovely daughter.

-Brucey. Where have you been hiding? -Heh. Gotta run.

Bruce Wayne, he's the man.

I'll get us some punch, Barb.

Bruce Wayne is the man.

Muscles on his muscles. Rich enough to finance all his gadgets.

And has a jaw I'd know anywhere.

Brucey. You are so totally the Batman.

MAN: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The Gotham Music Awards.

[CROWD CHEERING]

The next band soared to success with six gold records.

Give it up for--

Ozzy and the Cobblepots?

Oh, yeah!

[ELECTRIC GUITAR BLARING OVER SPEAKERS]

[CROWD SCREAMING]

Penguin. All right, Bruce.

Showtime.

You know, | prefer a captive audience.

Cash, gold, jewelry.

Your money's all good here.

-| hope the Batman shows. -So do l.

Don't tell me you're gonna change under here.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Let's not play hero, commissioner.

I'll leave that to the Batman.

[LAUGHS]

Bat-guano won't be showing up tonight or ever again.

Yeah, right.

-What? -That's right, Gordy.

| personally took care of him.

Hello.

Well, well, well. If it isn't my old pal, Bruce Wayne.

[GASPS]

Forget that junk.

We've got Wayne, the human piggy bank.

[CACKLES]

Okay, so maybe he's not the Batman.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Sorry, hon, duty calls.

Now, as soon as those doors open, what're you gonna do?

Go home, lock up and wait till | hear from you.

Good girl.

Penguin's ride had to leave a heat trail.

And with a few items from Barbara Gordon's photography class...

.. voila.

[BRUCE GROANING]

Huh?

[SQUAWKING]

Ah!

PENGUIN: Don't you just love Gotham Zoo at night? No crowds.

Okay, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.

Name your price, Penguin. I'll cut you a check.

One with lots and lots of zeroes.

Oh, that's very reasonable of you, Wayne.

How do | know this is good?

I'll need to see some ID.

BATGIRL: Maybe Wayne didn't have his costume handy...

...but he's gotta bust out with some butt-kick now.

So you'll let me go?

Uh, yeah, about that, | lied.

[GASPS]

Huh?

The Batbrat.

Oh, ladies.

[GASPS]

Hurry, Mr. Wayne, get yourself to--

--Safety.

| thought he was the Batman?

Wayne's no loss, not when | have the chance...

...to exterminate this town's bat population once and for all.

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

You just left behind the kid who saved you.

[SIGHS]

Bruce, you're a coward.

[KEYS BEEPING, LINE RINGING]

MAN [OVER PHONE]: Gotham police.

It's been two hours. Shut it off.

Sir, | am a bit perplexed as to why you did not summon your other car.

And why did you not trounce that troll...

...when he crashed the event in the first place?

Because he's a homicidal troll, Alfred.

And how, | ask, is that different from the garbage...

...the Batman faces every night?

Well, unfortunately, the Batman wasn't at the party so | couldn't ask him.

| mean, what was | supposed to do? Take Penguin out with my golf swing?

Oh, dear. Your accident.

We must return to the mansion at once.

They say that seeing is believing, Master Bruce.

Wow.

ALFRED: The Batcave.

How did all this get down here?

-You built it, sir. -Heh.

Well, that's ridiculous.

I'm wealthy, | run a successful company.

Why would | want to go out at night dressed...

[BATS SQUEAKING]

... like a bat?

Because you have a need to save people.

No, no, not me. I'm not a hero.

| don't have that kind of courage.

Your courage seems to have gone missing with your memory of the Bat.

[BATWAVE BEEPING]

[OVER TV] This just in.

Mmm.

Penguin here, with a warning to any future Bats-in-training.

| started the week by getting rid of the Batman.

And now I'm finishing it by doing the same to the Batgirl.

So tune in at the stroke of midnight...

...for the final chapter of The Beak Beats The Bats.

[CACKLING]

ALFRED: Master Bruce, it's the clock at the Salty Bird Sardine Company.

Sir, | do not know how else to put this. The Batgirl is counting on you.

Perhaps it is time to regain your courage.

Perhaps it is time to channel your inner bat.

[CLATTERING]

Nope. Sorry. I'm not feeling it.

Sir.

Jolly good reflexes.

Alfred, how did I?

Apparently, your inner bat is just aching to fly out.

Hopefully this will be like riding a bicycle.

PENGUIN: Observe, my dear. An ostrich egg.

Hard as bone.

[PENGUIN CHUCKLES]

[CLOCK CHIMES]

[CUCKOOING]

[GASPS]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[PENGUIN LAUGHS]

PENGUIN: Tie her up, ladies.

Inner bat, do your thing.

Batman? You're supposed to be pushing up clams.

Well, if he's here to save Batgirl, it's too late.

BATMAN: Whoa.

Uh-oh.

I'm guessing those weren't the smoke pellets.

[CLOCK CHIMES, BATGIRL GRUNTS]

[PENGUIN LAUGHING]

[CUCKOOING]

Hurry, Batman, you're about to have three sidekicks.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, what kind of hero are you, anyway?

BATMAN: You're a coward.

[BATGIRL GRUNTS, PENGUIN LAUGHS]

ALFRED: Regain your courage.

[LAUGHING]

PENGUIN: What kind of hero are you, anyway?

[GROWLS]

Like riding a bicycle.

So that's what took you so long? You rode your bike?

[PENGUIN GROWLS]

[YELLS, GRUNTS]

Oh, no.

[YELLING]

[SIRENS WAILING, TIRES SCREECHING]

[GROANS]

Huh?

Get this cuckoo to Arkham where he belongs.

[PENGUIN GROANING]

BATGIRL: At least you didn't turn out to be Bruce Wayne.

Dude needs to invest in a serious spine.

| try not to judge.

BATGIRL: Just tell me that, one day, I'll get to meet the man behind the Bat.

BATMAN: Who says I'm a man?