Original subtitles

[man] Come with me. Let's use our imaginations, shall we?

[announcer] Coming to the Candle Light Theater,

Richard Brecky brings mastery of silent theater to the stage

as "Jellybean."

No props.

An empty stage.

Let me paint you a world.

[announcer] Using only gesture and emotion,

he creates 73 stories that will leave you on the edge of your seat.

-And I never talk. -Shh!

Watch in wonder as he transports you to the furthest reaches of your imagination.

And if I talk, you get money.

But I never talk.

Audiences across the country have sold out theaters

to marvel at his wordless stories.

And to try to get him to talk.

[sighs]

[man 1] What are you doing?

-[woman] What is that? What are you doing? -[man 2] What are you doing?

[man 3] What are you doing?

[no audible dialogue]

-What are you doing? -What is that?

What are you doing?

-What is that? -What are you doing?

-What is that?! -It's a rake.

-[ding] -[grumbles]

[announcer] Brecky has entrenched himself

in one of the country's most charming eras.

And with his unique craftsmanship, he brings to life 73 tales

both as personal as they are universal.

The fuck is that?

-Wait. -I wanna know now!

-Just hold on! -The fuck is that?

-Just wait! -Wanna know now!

-Just look at it! -I wanna know right now!

-A fuckin' bike, you fuckin' scumbags! -[ding]

[announcer] Lose yourself in the world of the mind.

And don't just come and try and make me talk.

I don't want to talk.

I love this stuff. I love old stuff.

Only come here if you like that stuff.

If you asked me when I started this how many frats would come,

I would've said naught. But now it's like…

all frats.

All frats and bachelor parties.

Leave me alone!

[announcer] Get tickets now, before we sell out.

[crowd clamoring]

[cheering, jeering]

Showtime.

We're gonna go nuts in there!

-Goddammit. -Yeah!

If I could've told this little guy that in 25 years,

he'd be selling out the Candle Light Theater…

[chuckles] Sometimes dreams do come true.

[indistinct, overlapping shouts]

What are you?!

I'm in a house! A house! House! House! House! House! House!

-Fuckin' in a house! -[ding]

-[man] What is that?! -It's a cup!

-It's a fucking cup! -[ding]

[theme music playing]

…kind of cheesy or corny, but it was actually really inspiring.

Oh, wow, that's so interesting.

You forget your coworkers have these full lives.

That's so true. You forget that when you just see them at work.

-Exactly. -[man laughs] Joey, you swear to God?

I swear to fuckin' God I did.

If this is true, you are my favorite person.

-I swear to God. -Those guys are being really loud.

-Ah, they're just having fun. -I like the way you look at the world.

Yeah, I just try to look at it through that perspective.

It's easy to do once you try to do it.

-A lot of folks don't care to try. -Very true.

Yeah. So tell me more about this work retreat.

That sounds so awesome.

-It was. We were really surprised. -I swear to God.

[man] I was having a beautiful time. Solo on the kayak.

I see this mako shark. It's so fuckin' close to me.

-What? -Like from me to that guy over there

with the plaid shirt and that dog hair.

-Which guy? -That guy there with the plaid shirt

and the hair that hangs over like dog ears.

The shark was that close?

[mutters] Dog hair? What the hell are you talking about, dog hair?

And my boss started to do karaoke. Didn't know she was coming.

Did you know Joey was almost eaten by a shark?

-What? -I wasn't almost eaten.

The shark was as close to me as that guy whose hair looks like dog ears.

I actually thought that was a dog at that chair.

-…be there, so… -[man] It's like a Springer Spaniel.

[Joey] I grew up with Springers.

-[man 2] Beautiful dogs. -[Joey] Dog hair.

[soft acoustic guitar music plays]

I mean, she's cute.

If you think she's cute, Peter,

-I say ring the bell. -I'm nervous.

-[man] Too late. -What did you do?

I did it. I rang that bell.

-What the hell, man? -[dinging]

She rang back.

[all exclaim]

I'm well within my rights to kill you right now.

-But don't you love me? -Ah!

I'm going on a date.

Yeah!

[mockingly exclaims in fear]

Yes!

-Come out here. -[Peter] No!

-Come out. -[Peter] I look dumb!

[man 2] Come out.

[sighs]

Oh my God, you look so sharp.

Peter, wow.

And, guys, I figured out what I'm gonna do for my hair.

Check it out.

Just like this.

Oh my God, Cranston. Cut to: chatting about this at your bachelor party.

[grunts] Hope I'm not making a mistake with the hair.

But… Cranston.

[door bell jingles]

Hello!

Just like this.

[music ends]

…new people got crazy.

Afraid I'm gonna have to interrupt you.

Something wrong?

I wanted to look extraordinary for you tonight.

But my barber may have been looking at a picture of a dog

when he gave me this haircut.

I guess it does kind of look like dog ears.

I really wanted this to go well.

-I really did. -No.

I know, Peter.

I really wanted to have two girlfriends.

You already have a girlfriend?

I do, yeah, but I wanted two.

I think that would be even better.

Think about it. Two girlfriends. That's better.

You know what I'm saying?

But you were saying your boss was like…

acting crazy?

["Just One More Time" by Ernestine Thompson plays]

♪ This must be my day now ♪

I work hard.

[gentle acoustic music plays]

That means I play hard.

But when I had a heart attack from dancing as hard as I can at Club Aqua,

my doctor suggested I get ABX Heart Monitor from Abbott.

This device will send an alert to my phone

so I can monitor in case there's a spike in heart rate.

Now I have the confidence to live my life to the fullest.

[upbeat music plays]

[cell phone beeps]

At 2:00 a.m., there was a spike. You do anything out of the ordinary?

Uh, not really. I was at Club Aqua.

-Club Aqua? You get in there? -Oh, yeah.

-How the fuck you get into Aqua? -I built the back deck at Club Aqua.

-You built that deck? -Yeah. So now I get in.

So cool.

Hey. Next time you go to Aqua, can I come?

Yeah, maybe.

Hey. Do you know about Club Haunted House?

-Yeah, I dip in there. -Really want to check out Haunted House.

Anyway, why don't we put you on a low dose of blood thinners?

Thank you, doctor.

Let me know the next time you go, all right?

Yeah, maybe.

I actually want to go to Haunted House more than Aqua.

[man] The ABX Heart Monitor from Abbott

transmits up-to-the-minute data to my doctor

about my heart health.

-Hello? -There was a spike last night.

-Were you at Haunted House? -No. I jacked off.

-For 15 minutes? -Yeah.

-You were at Haunted House. -I dipped in. It doesn't matter.

Don't say you were jacking off when you were at Haunted House.

-It doesn't fuckin' matter. -It does!

[doctor] Listen, I just want to go to Haunted House.

I actually want to go to Haunted House more than Aqua.

-Heard there's a trap door. -There's not.

-I heard there was one! -My God, you're not going!

-But I want to! -[call disconnects]

ABX Heart Monitor. So now your doctor can know what's happening.

[phone dings]

[gentle music plays]

Fuck!

-[dance music playing inside] -Hey-hey! Right here.

-[man] He's good. -What about his wife?

Not his wife.

All right. Get home safe, all right?

[loud bass-heavy industrial music plays]

-Oh my fucking God. -Relax.

Look at the fucking chains!

-Just relax! Relax. -All right.

Let me just… Let me do a lap, see what's real.

Dracula!

[upbeat techno dance music plays]

-[music distorts, slows, and stops] -[crowd exclaims]

Hey, guys. All clubs are closed for the night.

There's been a tragedy in the club community.

-What happened? -The big deck at Aqua collapsed.

Did anyone get hurt?

Kim Kardashian's head fell off.

♪ Keep on tryin' ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep on tryin' ♪

All right. So here's your small fries and your small drink.

Thank you.

You know, I'd like to pay for the guy's meal behind me too.

Just pay it forward.

-Wow, that's really nice of you. -Yeah.

-Who knows. Maybe it'll catch on. -All right, you have a great day, sir.

[tender piano melody plays]

[tires squealing]

[frantic drum-heavy music plays]

[screams]

Stop! Stop! Stop! Please let me go!

Please let me go first! I'm doing something!

[tires squealing]

-Hi. Can I take your order? -55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos,

55 pies, 55 Cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders,

100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes,

55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters.

-Okay, that'll be $680. -Okay.

[tense, ominous music plays]

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

-Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! -Hey!

-Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! -Hey!

[horn honks]

Come on. What the hell's going on?

-Not paying it. -You have to!

The guy did it for you!

-You're the guy! -Just do it! You're rich!

-What?! -[horn honks]

Hey! What the hell's going on?

This guy's trying to start a pay-it-forward chain.

[tires squealing]

-55 burgers, 55 fries… -Ah, shit!

Look what you did, you rich little fuck!

Come on!

[panicked screaming]

-Oh no! Oh no! -Thought you'd just pull that shit on me?

-[engine dies] -Fine.

You win.

That's fine.

I just wanted to do something good this morning before alcohol class.

But you won. That's the last time I try to do something good ever again.

[somber music plays]

Maybe you did have some good intentions.

-Maybe I did jump to conclusions. -Oh, I can just run!

-[metal music plays] -[vocalist screams]

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, bay-bay-bay ♪

♪ Oh, baby, baby, bay-bay-bay ♪

[keys jangling]

Surprise!

Oh my goodness.

What is this?

Think you can turn 50 and we're not gonna celebrate?

What the hell is this?

Cardboard cutout of you, Robert. You're the guest of honor.

And we got Kismet Rotisserie.

-Didn't know they did catering. -They did it special.

-I don't know what to say. -That's a first.

[laughter]

Guess I do know. Let's party!

-Yeah! -[all cheering]

You guys are in trouble. You're in trouble!

[woman] Woo! Birthday boy!

[upbeat pop music plays]

We'll make sure we lock down Cleveland before we move forward on that.

I know. I'm worried about what our first-quarter earnings report looks like

if that deal ends up dragging into April or beyond.

Other clients have been patient so far, but they can't wait around forever.

God knows what'll happen if the proposal goes belly-up.

Robert?

-Oh. Yeah, sorry. Don't worry about that. -All right.

-Then I'll shut up about it. -No worries.

[dance music playing]

-I can't believe they catered this. -[man] The guy was so nice.

We told him who you were.

We described you. He knew right away.

He said, "That guy? I love that guy."

Amazing. I do go there a lot.

-[sinister, unsettling music plays] -[dance music mutes]

[ominous tone plays and slowly intensifies]

[dramatic musical sting]

[sinister music mutes]

[upbeat dance music plays]

[ominous musical sting]

♪ Light the lights, frost the cake ♪

♪ Line the presents up so great ♪

♪ Sing the song, smile the smile ♪

♪ Today's your day, we're gonna go wild ♪

♪ Wild on, wild on ♪

♪ Tonight we go wild on ♪

♪ Tonight we go crazy ♪

[tense, menacing music plays]

Hey, Candy?

Oh, hi, Robert.

How you doing? Ha… Happy birthday.

I'm okay. Been meaning to talk to you about what happened last week.

I shouldn't have spoken to you like that.

Oh, no, I didn't even think twice about it.

Well, even if you haven't thought about it,

I'm sorry I was so quick to say you weren't allowed to bring in your rats.

I appreciate that.

I may have treated you unfairly when Steven brought in his dog

and I didn't come down on him nearly as hard as I came down on you

when you brought in four rats.

Dogs are to Steven what rats are to me.

Understood.

'Cause I'm the rat mom.

Yeah. Well, it's not for me to decide which animals are worse than others.

Right. Because it's so easy for me to open the desk drawer. They're in there.

I take the food, put it on the desk. I knock it in. No one knows I have rats.

Either way, shouldn't have said that.

Maybe I'm a little bit hard on you because I see you rising at this place,

and I could see you helping to manage it one day.

-[tender music plays] -[exhales sharply]

Thank you, Robert. I…

So that's all. I… I just wanted to say sorry.

And Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

And happy birthday.

-Thank you. Thanks. -[unnerving laugh]

Okay.

[slow, melodic rendition] ♪ Light the lights, frost the cake ♪

♪ Line the presents up so great ♪

♪ Sing the song, smile the smile ♪

♪ Today's your day, we're gonna go wild ♪

♪ Wild on, wild on ♪

♪ Tonight we go wild on ♪

♪ Tonight we go crazy… ♪

[voice quavers] Oh my God!

I drank fucking dog shit!

Who put dog shit in a cup?! Who did it?!

[theme music playing]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[music ends]

[robotic voice] Zanin Corp. [chuckles]