Original subtitles

♪ ONE FINE DAY, WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUZZARD, NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE, LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG...

♪ CATDOG

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG...

♪ CATDOG

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ CATDOG...

♪ CATDOG

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( strained gasping )

CAT, IF YOU WANT TO WATCH YOUR SHOW

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

COME OUT A LITTLE FURTHER.

DOG, YOU KNOW I HAVE ACROPHOBIA.

( gasps ): FEAR OF ACROBATS!

NO, I'M AFRAID OF... HEIGHTS!

HOW'S THE PICTURE NOW?

HEY, YOU DID IT.

GOOD JOB, DOG!

SEE, NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

PERFECT TIMING.

Today on Lifestyles of the Irresponsibly Rich

we visit the ostentatiously opulent estate of billionaire

T.J. Wolfington.

WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO LIVE IN A CAT BOX LIKE THAT!

Randolph: BELIEVE IT OR NOT, T.J. LIVES BY HIMSELF

IN THIS PALATIAL ESTATE WITH ONLY A FEW SERVANTS

AND HIS FAITHFUL SEEING-EYE DOG, CHESTER.

ACTUALLY, RANDY, CHESTER IS FINALLY RETIRING.

GIVE US A LICK.

DOG, ARE YOU THINKING WHAT I'M THINKING?

ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT JOINING THE NAVY?

I'M THINKING THAT T.J. WOLFINGTON'S GOING TO NEED

A NEW GUIDE DOG!

I WOULD LOVE TO HELP OUR FELLOW MAN, UH, WOLF, WOLFMAN.

OKAY, SO WE JUST NEED TO GO THERE

BEFORE EVERY DOG IN NEARBURG GETS THE SAME IDEA.

HEY, QUIT SHOVING.

TERRIFIC.

UH, MEOW, MEOW.

YOU STINKING MUTTS, YOU COULDN'T CATCH A COLD, LET ALONE A CAT.

LASSIE STINKS, TOO!

All: WHAT, HEY!

( barking furiously )

YAP, YAP YOURSELF.

Cat: DOG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M STILL LOOKING FOR THAT CAT

THAT THINKS LASSIE STINKS.

OUCH, OUCH!

WELL, YOU CAN'T BLAME A GUY FOR TRYING.

YES, MAY I HELP YOU?

WELL, TELL MR. WOLFINGTON

THAT HIS NEW GUIDE DOG IS HERE.

THIS WAY.

OOH!

AH!

OOOH! AH!

WHO IS IT?

JUST YOUR NEW GUIDE DOG, THAT'S ALL.

POINTED EARS, WHISKERS...

WHY, YOU'RE A CAT.

I'D NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE LED AROUND BY A CAT!

GO ON, STOP WASTING MY TIME.

BUT HOW ABOUT A GUIDE CATDOG?

FASCINATING, A CATDOG.

DO YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE?

WE'VE GOT LOTS OF EXPERIENCE.

JUST NONE AS A GUIDE DOG.

BUT I PROMISE YOU, MR. WOLFINGTON, SIR

THAT IF YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE, I WILL BE THE GUIDINGEST GUIDE DOG

THAT EVER GUIDED, SIR.

WELL, I LIKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT

I'LL GIVE YOU A TRYOUT.

JUST ONE THING...

GIVE US A LICK.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S PRETEND IT'S FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.

NOW YOU HAVE TO TAKE ME DOWN TO BREAKFAST.

YES, SIR, ALLEY-YOOP!

A TAD UNCONVENTIONAL, BUT I MUST SAY

WE MADE EXCELLENT TIME DOWN THOSE STAIRS.

THANK YOU, SIR!

GIVE US A LICK, BOY.

OKAY, LET'S ASSUME WE'VE FINISHED BREAKFAST.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY, WHAT DID WE HAVE?

AND NOW I NEED TO GO TO MY STUDY TO GET SOME IMPORTANT WORK DONE.

OKAY-DOKEY, ALLEY-YOOP!

OUTSTANDING!

( guffawing )

WELL, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT ATTACHED TO A CAT

WOULD BE THE GREATEST GUIDE DOG IN HISTORY.

DOES THAT MEAN WE'RE HIRED?

IT CERTAINLY DOES.

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!

NOW, I'M TURNING IN.

ORDER SOME DINNER, BUT GET A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

TOMORROW'S A BIG DAY.

I'M MEETING WITH THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE.

FRANCE, MY FAVORITE CONTINENT.

YES SIR, MR. WOLFINGTON, SIR.

WE DID IT, DOG, THANKS TO ME AND MY BRILLIANCE

WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO LIVE IN THE LAP OF LUXURY.

NOT TO MENTION I'M GETTING TO HELP MY FELLOW WOLFMAN.

YEAH, YEAH, ANYWAY

SPEAKING OF THE LAP OF LUXURY...

HEY, JEEVES, BRING ME SOME OF THAT LOBSTER NEARBURG

CHOCOLATE MOUSE MOUSSE AND THE COUNT BASIE ORCHESTRA!

( playing CatDog theme )

MAN, I LOVE COUNT BASIE!

HAVE SOME LOBSTER, DOG, YOU DESERVE IT!

GEE, CAT, AREN'T I ALLERGIC TO LOBSTERS?

WHO CARES?

THIS GIG COMES WITH HEALTH INSURANCE!

OH, MAN, IT'S FUN TO BE RICH!

ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY IN PARADISE, RIGHT, DOG?

DOG?

DOG, YOUR FACE, YOUR EYES!

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR EYES?

I CAN'T OPEN THEM, HELP!

ME, HELP? WHAT HAPPENED?

I TOLD YOU THAT LOBSTERS WAS A BAD IDEA.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?

MR. WOLFINGTON SAID TODAY WAS AN IMPORTANT DAY.

WE BETTER GO TELL HIM THE TRUTH.

THE TRUTH?

WHERE DO YOU GET THESE CRAZY IDEAS?

I'LL JUST HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE YOU.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT?

YOU'RE YOU.

HOW HARD CAN IT BE?

IT'LL BE A PIECE OF CAKE!

NOW, PROMISE ME YOU'RE GOING TO

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT AND LET ME HANDLE THIS!

I PROMISE.

( imitating Dog ): WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MEET

THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE?

THIS IS A BUILDING HE DESIGNED FOR ME.

WHERE ELSE WOULD I MEET HIM?

NOW, HE'S PROBABLY UP TOP SOMEWHERE.

LET'S GO, DOGGIE.

IS THERE A PROBLEM, DOGGIE?

NO, SIR, IT'S JUST, WELL, UM, THAT IS ONE TALL BUILDING, SIR.

WELL, WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THE VIEW UP THERE!

HI-HO DIGGITY.

I BELIEVE THIS IS AS HIGH AS IT GOES, DOGGIE.

OKEY-DOKEY, SIR.

WHERE THE DEVIL DO YOU SUPPOSE HE IS?

MONSIEUR WOLFINGTON, UP HERE

MONSIEUR WOLFINGTON.

ALL RIGHT, DOGGIE, LEAD THE WAY!

CAT, YOU OKAY?

IT'S A BIG THING WITH THE HEIGHT...

AND TOWERS AND SCRAPING WITH THE CLOUDS.

ALL RIGHT, LEAD, DOGGIE

DOG, ONE OF YOUR PATENTED SHORTCUTS, NO DOUBT.

CAT!

GOOD SHOW! WHICH WAY NOW, DOG?

MR. WOLFINGTON, I HAVE TO TELL YOU, I CAN'T SEE!

WHAT?

I CAN'T SEE WHY SOMEONE

DIDN'T BUILD A SKYSCRAPER HERE BEFORE.

IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

WHY, THANK YOU, DOG, NOW, LET'S GO!

OH! OH!

DOGGIE, I WOULD FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE.

WHEW... AH!

IS THAT VOUS, MONSIEUR PRESIDENT?

YOU CERTAINLY HAVE YOUR OWN WAY OF DOING THINGS, DOGGIE

AND I MUST SAY, IT'S QUITE FUN.

GIVE US A LICK THERE, DOGGIE.

AH, WHY DOG, YOUR TONGUE FEELS ALL SCRITCHY SCRATCHY

KIND OF LIKE A...

POINTY EARS, WHISKERS, A CAT!

DOG, WHERE IS DOG?

WHAT IS GOING ON?

I'M SORRY, SIR!

I WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT SOMEONE MADE ME PROMISE!

TELL ME WHAT?

THAT I CAN'T SEE!

HEY! MY EYESIGHT, IT'S STARTING TO COME BACK!

DON'T YOU WORRY, SIR

I AM GOING TO GUIDE US DOWN SAFELY!

ALL RIGHT, I TRUST YOU COMPLETELY, DOGGIE.

OKAY, FOLLOW ME.

DOGGIE, I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.

I COUNTED ON YOU, I TRUSTED YOU.

I'M SORRY, SIR.

WELL, BOYS, I'M AFRAID THIS IS THE END.

YOU MEAN WE'RE GOING TO DIE?

NO, I MEAN YOU'RE FIRED.

THANKS, CAT, YOU SAID

THIS WAS GOING TO BE A PIECE OF CAKE.

A PIECE OF CAKE! THAT'S IT!

HELLO, IS THIS GIANT BIRTHDAY CAKES, INC.?

DO YOU DELIVER, PER CHANCE?

ALL RIGHT, I'LL WAIT.

MONSIEUR WOLFINGTON, MONSIEUR WOLFINGTON

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

ASIDE FROM A LITTLE FROSTING IN MY NOSE

I THINK I'M RELATIVELY UNHURT.

I'M AFRAID I AM GOING TO NEED A NEW GUIDE DOG, HOWEVER.

DOES IT PAY BETTER THAN THE PRESIDENT OF FRANCE?

CONSIDERABLE.

IF I MAY, SIR, BOW-WOW!

ANOTHER PERFECT LANDING.

WELL, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, CAT.

IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE.

SO, LASSIE STINKS, AY? GET 'EM!

( Cliff humming "Turkey in the Straw" )

( bell jingles )

( sniffing )

( Cliff whistling )

( splats )

( excited jabbering )

( stomps )

( whistling )

( humming )

( snips )

( sighs )

( techno music playing )

( panting )

KEEP IT UP, DOG, IT SAYS HERE REGULAR EXERCISE

REDUCES THE RISK OF HEART DISEASE.

( slurps )

( laughs ): I FEEL HEALTHIER ALREADY.

( Dog panting )

HIYA, CLIFF!

HI, CLIFF?

CLIFF!

( laughing nervously )

I, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WORKED OUT HERE.

I WORK OUT EVERYWHERE!

REALLY, THAT'S FASCINATING.

( slams )

( CatDog yelling )

HEY, HEY, HEY!

FEEL THE BURN, CATDOG!

( slams )

( growling )

( grunting )

( clanging )

( crashes )

( grunting )

OOH, YEAH!

I'M THE KING!

I'M THE KING, I'M THE--

HUH?

WHOA, HA, HEY--

( yells )

( crashes )

HELP!

HELP!

AH, SOMEONE WILL COME BY SOON.

UH, JUST LOCK UP WHEN YOU LEAVE, CLIFF.

REMEMBER, THE GYM'S CLOSED FOR A MONTH.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE

BEFORE HE REMEMBERS HE FORGOT TO GIVE US WEDGIES.

( ripping )

OW!

MERVIS PANTRY, INVENTOR OF THE AUTO-WEDGIE.

( gasping ): UH, GUYS?

HELLO?

AH, THIS ISN'T GOOD.

DUH, WHERE'S THE BIG GUY WHO ALWAYS YELLS AT I?

CLIFF?

I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN DAYS.

PROBABLY NEEDED A LITTLE SOLO TIME

TO GET HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

NO BIGGIE.

WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF PUNISHMENT

FOR ALL THE MEAN THINGS I DONE?

WELL, NUTS TO THAT.

( wheezing ): SO, SO I CRUSHED SOME MARBLES, I POUNDED CATDOG...

IS THAT SO WRONG?

AH, AH, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY!

I PROMISE, IF I GET OUT OF THIS ONE, I'LL CHANGE!

I'LL BE NICE, I'LL MAKE E-E-EVERYONE LIKE ME.

EVEN CATDOG.

ESPECIALLY CATDOG!

( wheezing )

( grunting )

( laughing )

OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

I'VE GOT TO FIND CATDOG.

FOR I, CLIFFORD MAURICE FELTBOTTOM

AM A CHANGE-ED DOG!

WELL, DOG, NO CLIFF SIGHTINGS IN A MONTH.

( whispering ): I THINK IT'S SAFE TO GO BACK TO THE GYM.

( shrieks )

WASN'T THAT CLIFF?

LOOKED LIKE HALF-A-CLIFF TO ME.

IT'S ME, BUT IT'S NOT ME--

IT'S A WHOLE NEW ME.

AND I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

THEY ARE LOVELY.

HEY, UH, I WANT TO APOLOGIZE

FOR ALL THE HORRIBLE STUFF I DONE TO YOU.

YOU... YOU DO?

YOU'LL SEE-- THE NEW CLIFF WILL BE SWEET AND KIND... FOREVER.

HE... HE WILL?

MMM, MAN, THESE GLADIOLAS-ES ARE NICE AND CRUNCHY.

THANKS, CLIFF.

( crunching )

"THANKS, CLIFF," HE SAYS.

( sniffs ): WHAT BEAUTIFUL WORDS.

EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT SOMETHING IN MY EYE.

( crying )

DOG... DID CLIFF JUST GIVE US FLOWERS AND... CRY?

MM-HMM.

LOCK THE DOORS, DOG, HE MUST BE UP TO SOMETHING HORRIBLE!

( bell jingles )

( sniffs )

( splats )

( laughing )

DUH, WHERE'S THE REST OF YOU?

BIG DEAL, BIG DEAL-- SO I SLIMMED DOWN!

WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

SORRY, WE SHOULD HAVE WAITED FOR YOU.

NO, NO!

MY APOLOGIES, SIR.

HERE, TAKE A WHACK.

( splats )

WHAT GIVES?!

DUH, AM I STILL DUMB OR IS IT CLIFF'S TURN?

GREASERS, I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT.

FROM NOW ON, WE'VE GOT TO BE... NICE.

( slurps )

MMM, OLALLIEBERRY.

HEY, HEY, I'LL CARRY THAT PIANO!

I THINK CLIFF'S GONE CUCKOO-PANTS.

( piano crashes )

AH, IT HAPPENS.

PERSONALLY, I LIKE THE CHANGE!

( nervous laugh )

( splats )

LUBE, MY FRIEND, WE OWE IT TO CLIFF

TO SNAP HIM OUT OF HIS NICENESS.

HUH?

COME ON, OVER HERE, LUBE...

( yelling )

Dog: AH, IT SURE IS A PEANUT BUTTER-COATED

MARSHMALLOW OF A DAY, HUH, CAT?

YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT

UNTIL CLIFF LAUNCHES HIS SNEAK ATTACK.

HE SURE SEEMS TO BE SUPER-SERIOUS

ABOUT THIS, UH, "NICE" THING.

( panting )

( thuds )

( Cliff yelling )

( panting )

( squealing )

( bones crunching )

( panting )

( splats )

( excited chatter )

( whistling )

Lube: DUH, I LIKE THIS

BUT WHY ARE WE DOING IT?

I TOLD YOU, BECAUSE WE WANT CLIFF TO GET TIRED

OF DOING GOOD!

( grunts )

( Cliff yelling )

THAT'S THE LAST ONE.

( thuds )

DARN!

NICE CATCH.

DUH, TOUCHDOWN!

DUH, NOW WHAT?

THERE YOU GO, NOW, GET BACK TO THE BARN.

OKAY, SO HE SEEMS REALLY NICE

BUT I JUST DON'T TRUST HIM.

( birdsong )

( ham sizzling )

MMM.

( snaps )

( chewing noisily )

Cliff: HOLD IT!

( gasps )

I KNEW THE "NICE" THING WAS AN ACT.

HELP!

Cliff: THERE YOU GO, BOYS.

THOUGHT YOU COULD USE SOME SHADE.

OH.

THANK YOU FOR THE SHADE!

HEY, GUYS--

WHO'S IN THE MOOD FOR A BEVERAGE?

IT'S KIND OF NICE THAT THE GREASERS ARE ALL SO... NICE

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, BECAUSE...

HEY--

WE'RE NOT HERE FOR PUNCH!

WE'RE HERE FOR PUNCH-ING!

( Lube laughing )

LET GO OF THAT CATDOG!

OH, COME ON, CLIFF, WE'RE POUNDING CATDOG

JUST LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS!

REMEMBER WHEN WE USE TO DO THIS?

( accordion wheezing )

SNAP OUT OF IT!

POUNDING CATDOG MAKES LIFE WORTH...

DUH... $1.80.

Both: HELP?

OH, UH, I DON'T KNOW.

I MADE A SOLEMN VOW TO BE NICE TO CATDOG.

( CatDog groaning )

AND YOU GUYS ARE BREAKING

MY VOW!

( yelling )

( smacking )

NOW, GET LOST--

AND LEAVE CATDOG ALONE!

( growls )

AND EVERYONE SAYS HE'S NICE!

SORRY ABOUT THE DISTURBANCE.

LEMONADE OR PASSION FRUIT ICED TEA?

( feebly ): AH, LEMONADE.

I, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, CLIFF.

YOU, YOU REALLY ARE NICE.

( laughs )

YOU MEAN IT?

YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!

( laughing )

WHEW, "LIKE" IS A REALLY STRONG WORD, ISN'T IT, BUT...

I, I DO!

( mouth full ): ME, TOO!

I DID IT!

SEE THAT?

I DID IT!

AHA, HUGGIES!

( Cat groaning )

WHO'S UP FOR TOASTED MARSHMALLOWS?

BE BACK IN A JIFFY

WITH SOME FIREWOOD!

( laughs )

WHAT A BUMPKIN!

WHO KNEW?

( whistling )

AH, IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE.

( crashes )

( groaning )

HELP!

OH, NO, NOT AGAIN.

GEE, I WONDER WHERE CLIFF WENT?

Cat: AH, HE PROBABLY NEEDED A LITTLE SOLO TIME

TO GET HIS HEAD TOGETHER.

NO BIGGIE!

WHAT'S THE STORY HERE?

( wheezing ): I DID IT-- I WAS NICE

AND THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?

WELL, FORGET IT!

THE DEAL IS OFF!

( grunting )

Shriek: HAVE YOU GOT IT YET?

IT'S BEEN TWO WEEKS ALREADY!

( grunting )

( pops )

FINALLY!

( panting )

GREASERS-- YOU WAS RIGHT, I WAS WRONG.

IT'S PERFECTLY ALL RIGHT TO BE MEAN.

NOW, LET'S GO POUND CATDOG.

NOT SO FAST!

WE GOT SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF FIRST.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, LUBE?

DUH, LET'S POUND CATDOG.

HOORAY!

DUH, BUT FIRST, WE POUND THIS SKINNY-CLIFF GUY.

YAY!

( pounding )

Cliff: THIS IS THE STUPIDEST ENDING... EVER.

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

♪ CATDOG...

♪ CATDOG

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG...

♪ CATDOG

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ CATDOG

♪ CATDOG...

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]