Original subtitles

♪ ONE FINE DAY, WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUZZARD, NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE, LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( slurping )

OH, IT'S A SWELL DAY, ISN'T IT, CAT?

YES, DOG, MY FRIEND, IT'S A GOOD DAY TO BE ALIVE.

( whimpering )

STRIKE THAT LAST REMARK.

WELL, IF THAT AIN'T A COINKY-DINK.

I WAS JUST HAVING AN URGE TO GIVE A POUNDING.

UH, HI, CLIFF.

YOU'RE LOOKING BIG AND BRAWNY AS EVER.

YOU WANT IT IN THE HEAD, THE BELLY, THE KNEECAPS

OR ALL OF THE ABOVE?

UM, HOW ABOUT FOR A CHANGE OF PACE

WE SKIP THE POUNDING, HUH?

SORRY, GREASER DOGS ARE CREATURES OF HABIT.

YOU BETTER RUN!

( laughs evilly ): GET HIM!

THAT WAS SWEET.

I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, CLIFF

YOU ARE THE ROUGHEST AND TOUGHEST GUY IN NEARBURG.

YEAH, AND MEANEST AND BADDEST

AND, UH... OTHER STUFF I GOT TO THINK OF LATER.

Dog: THAT WAS THE GREATEST MOVIE I EVER SAW

BUT WHO THE HECK WAS ROSEBUD?

WHAT'S CLIFF DOING ALL BY HIMSELF?

LET'S FIND OUT.

HEY, CLIFF!

WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALL BY YOUR...

( muttering ): OH, YOU...!

HUH?

( clank )

HUH?

HUH? HMM? AAH...

DO I SEE WHAT I THINK I SEE?

I SEE IT, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

ALL RIGHT, MY LITTLE DANCING DARLINGS

ARABESQUE FOR ME, IF YOU WILL.

AND NOW PLIES, PLEASE.

OH, I KNOW YOU CAN GO DEEPER.

DEEPER, DEEPER-- OH, I LOVE IT.

HE'S... TAKING...

BALLET LESSONS.

( laughs )

GIVE ME A GRAND JETE JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT.

CLIFF TAKING BALLET.

( laughing )

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL--

BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL!

HE DOES HAVE A CERTAIN ANIMAL GRACE.

Cliff: HEY, CATDOG!

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, CAT.

READY FOR YOUR AFTERNOON POUNDING

FROM THE BIGGEST, BADDEST GUY IN NEARBURG?

( laughs )

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE I KNOW A LITTLE SECRET SOMETHING ABOUT YOU--

SOMETHING FUNNY.

HUH?

COME ON, DOG.

SEE YOU AROUND, GREASERS...

AND CLIFFIE!

HEY, WHAT WAS THAT "CLIFFIE"?

CAT, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL CLIFF

WE SAW HIM BEING A BALLET PERSON?

NO WAY, DOG.

AS LONG AS HE DOESN'T KNOW

THEN I HAVE THIS POWER OVER HIM.

IT'S BETTER NOT TO TELL.

HUH?

YOU SEE, IF THEY KNOW THAT WE KNOW WHAT WE KNOW

IT WOULDN'T BE AS GOOD, YOU KNOW?

NO!

THIS IS ONE UNUSUAL SITUATION.

THEY'RE LAUGHING AT US.

TO MY RECOLLECTION THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

TECHNICALLY, HE WAS LAUGHING AT YOU, CLIFF!

THEY AIN'T GOING TO BE LAUGHING NO MORE.

WE'RE GOING TO TEACH THEM A LESSON.

ALL RIGHT! LET'S GIVE THEM A GREASER KNUCKLE SANDWICH!

UH, WITH GRAVY ON THE SIDE.

( snoring )

( doorbell rings )

( laughs )

HUH?

HUH...?

MAYBE YOU'RE LOSING YOUR TOUGH TOUCH, CLIFF.

WHEN THEY COME OUT, WE POUNCE AND THEN WE POW!

( humming tune )

( laughs )

BRAVO! BRAVISSIMO!

HUH?

WHAT A LOVELY LEAP.

LOVELY LEAP?

THAT WAS A FEROCIOUS ATTACK!

( CatDog laughs )

GREAT SHOW, GUYS.

TA-TA.

HEY, I JOINED THIS SQUAD TO BEAT UP CATDOG

NOT ENTERTAIN THEM!

I'M GOING TO GET THEM TWO IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO.

AS YOUSE IS MY WITNESSES, THEY WILL NEVER LAUGH AT ME AGAIN!

OH, LET THEM TRY AND LAUGH AT ME THIS TIME.

( growling )

( laughs )

( growling )

♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA. ♪

( laughs )

( growling )

( laughing wildly )

THAT'S GREAT!

( blubbers )

FACE IT, CLIFF-- THEY AREN'T AFRAID OF US ANYMORE.

DUH, I'M AFRAID OF US.

DOG, THIS IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS!

CAT, I THINK YOU'RE BEING TOO MEAN TO CLIFF.

WHAT? TOO MEAN?

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW THOSE GUYS HAVE TREATED US?

NO, BUT I THINK YOU...

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN

THE PUNCHINGS, THE POUNDINGS, THE WEDGIES?

I NEVER GOT A WEDGIE.

NO? SOMEBODY OWES YOU A WEDGIE.

ANYWAY, WE HAVE THEM IN OUR POWER.

AS LONG AS WE LAUGH, WE'RE SAFE.

Cliff: I CAN BE SCARY.

I CAN BE MEAN.

( growls weakly )

THAT WAS SCARY.

I'M SCARY, YEAH.

NOT LIKE EVERYBODY SAYS, LIKE FUNNY.

I'M SCARY.

CLIFF, I LOVE YOU LIKE A BROTHER

BUT I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR PITIFUL FACE AGAIN!

DUH, THAT GOES DOUBLE... SCOOP WITH SPRINKLES FOR ME.

SHRIEK!

LUBE!

NO!

CLIFF, YOU'RE NOT A FRIEND.

YOU'RE NOT A GREASER.

YOU'RE NOTHING TO US NOW!

ARRIVEDERCI.

NO!

DON'T ARRIVEDERCI ME!

YOU CAN'T ARRIVEDERCI ME!

WHERE WILL I GO?

WHAT'LL I DO?

FRANKLY, MY CLIFF, WE DON'T GIVE A DARN!

HEY, CREAM PUFFS, WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOT AT SCARING US?

( giggles )

I SURRENDERS!

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING AT ME?

WHY AIN'T YOU AFRAID?

TELL ME!

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF LUBE, TELL ME!

( laughs ): AND SPOIL ALL THE FUN?

Cliff: WHAT'S THE BIG SECRET?

THAT MY MIDDLE NAME IS MAURICE?

THAT I LIKE THE FEEL OF CASHMERE AGAINST MY SKIN?

THAT I HAVE A SLIGHT BLADDER CONTROL PROBLEM?

ACTUALLY, IT'S SOMETHING WORSE.

WORSE THAN MAURICE?

TELL ME!

( sobs pathetically )

YOU BETTER TELL HIM, CAT.

OH, ALL RIGHT.

YOU TWO MAY WANT TO SIT DOWN FOR THIS.

DUH.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT, UM...

YOUR FRIEND AND SO-CALLED TOUGH GUY CLIFF

IS TAKING BALLET LESSONS!

( gasping in horror )

AND HE'S QUITE GOOD.

THANK YOU.

SAY IT AIN'T SO!

IT'S SO! IT'S SO!

I AIN'T ASHAMED.

I'M TAKING BALLET.

BALLET IS FOR SISSIES.

AU CONTRAIRY, SHRIEKY.

BALLET REQUIRES A LIMBER BODY AND INCREDIBLE STRENGTH.

ALSO, IRON MIKE McCLOSKEY--

FOUR-TIME BLOOD AND GUTS WRESTLING CHAMP-- TOOK BALLET

SO HE COULD LEARN A FEW TRICKS.

ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE.

( CatDog screaming )

I WAS WRONG!

BALLET IS A BEAUTIFUL THING TO BEHOLD.

CHASSE, CHASSE.

REACH FOR THE STARS, TWINKLE-TOES.

SWEAT FOR ME, MY ANGELS.

CAT, MY TIGHTS ARE TOO TIGHT.

OH, QUIET AND KEEP DANCING.

WAIT TILL THE GREASERS SEE

WHAT WE CAN DO TO THEM AFTER A FEW LESSONS.

♪ SWING YOUR PARTNER ROUND AND ROUND ♪

♪ PROMENADE LEFT AND TAKE HER DOWN. ♪

OH, IF CATDOG THOUGHT A BALLET BEATING WAS BAD

WAIT TILL WE SQUARE-DANCE THEM!

( both laugh )

YEE-HAW!

Dog: COME ON, DRIBBLE, DRIBBLE, DRIBBLE.

COME ON, I'M WIDE OPEN OVER HERE.

15 SECONDS TO SHOOT.

HE SEES CAT OPEN IN THE CORNER.

LOOK OUT! THERE YOU GO...

I'M THE MAN TO BEAT.

THREE, TWO, ONE-- HE SHOOTS.

( imitates buzzer )

HE SCORES.

THE CROWD GOES WILD.

( mimics cheering )

( croaking )

( frog croaks )

( groans )

Lube: THREE IN THE KEY.

HEY, FELLOWS, CAN WE PLAY?

SORRY, WE'VE ALREADY GOT OUR THREE-ON-THREE.

PLEASE? WE PROMISE NOT TO DUNK.

YOU STILL CAN'T PLAY.

( moaning, whining )

OH, COME ON, DOG.

OBVIOUSLY THEY DIDN'T WANT US AROUND.

( toilet flushes )

HEY, CATDOG.

( laughs )

NICE OUTFIT-- IS IT HALLOWEEN ALREADY?

HI, WINSLOW.

WE WERE GOING TO PLAY BASKETBALL BUT THERE'S NO ROOM.

YEAH, RIGHT-- THEY WOULDN'T LET US PLAY, WINSLOW.

HUH! I'M NOT SURPRISED.

JUST LOOK AT YOUSE.

YOU LOOK LIKE, UH... LIKE, UH...

PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES?

( laughs ): MORE LIKE PROFESSIONAL FREAKS.

( laughing )

LATER, FREAKS.

( laughing )

BYE, WINSLOW.

FREAKS!

( whistling tune )

PLEASE STOP WHISTLING THAT HAUNTING MELODY.

DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU THAT EVERYONE THINKS WE'RE FREAKS?

NO, BECAUSE WE'RE NOT, RIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE STARE AT US.

ISN'T THAT BECAUSE WE'RE SO HUNKILY HANDSOME?

DOG, WE'RE PROBABLY THE ONLY TWO-HEADED CREATURE

ON THIS PARTICULAR PLANET.

OH, THEN THAT MEANS... WE'RE FREAKS.

( groans )

YEAH.

( whistling tune )

WHY, HELLO, MY DOUBLE DARLINGS.

WHY SO GLUM?

WHY SO BLUE?

WELL, WE RECENTLY HAD

A STARTLING MOMENT OF SELF-REVELATION.

WE DID?

OH, RIGHT-- THE FREAK THING.

WELL, CHEER UP, MY FINE-LOOKING PAIR

OF... WHATEVER YOU ARE--

I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS.

YOU TWO HAVE STAR POTENTIAL.

I KNEW IT!

WE ARE GOING TO BE STARS.

DOG, DOG, DOG, EASY.

WHERE WOULD GUYS LIKE US BECOME STARS?

WHY, RIGHT HERE, OF COURSE.

WOW!

CARNIVAL.

THAT'S RIGHT, IT'S RANDOLPH'S FREAKAPALOOZA.

COME JOIN ME, BOYS, AND IT'LL BE HAP-HAP-HAPPY DAYS FOR ALL.

YIPPEE!

FORGET IT, FORGET IT!

YOU'RE NOT STICKING US IN SOME FREAK SHOW!

COME, COME, KITTY CAT.

STARTING TODAY, ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO CALLED YOU FREAKS

ARE GOING TO PAY TO CALL YOU FREAKS.

NEVER!

YOUR CUT IS 15% PLUS TIPS.

IS THERE COTTON CANDY?

ALL YOU CAN EAT AND MORE.

THEN I AM IN.

CONVINCED, CAT?

NO.

Randolph: THEN LET THE CONVINCING CONTINUE.

Barker: GET YOUR CANDY HERE!

Randolph: STEP LIVELY, FELLOWS, IT'S TIME TO MEET SOME FELLOW FREAKS.

HI, I'M THE BEARDED LADY.

WOW, PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

UNICORN BOY-- A PLEASURE.

WOW.

HOWDY, I'M JAMES.

WHAT'S SO FREAKY ABOUT YOU?

I ENJOY BRUSSELS SPROUTS.

Both: WOW!

FREAKY!

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE?

I MEAN, BEING IN A FREAK SHOW IS TOTALLY DEGRADING.

HECK, NO-- THE FOOD'S AWESOME

AND WE'VE GOT A FIRST-RATE RETIREMENT PLAN.

OH? REALLY?

AND HONEY, TAKE A LOOK AT MY TRAILER.

WOW! WHO KNEW BEING A FREAK WAS SUCH A SWEET GIG?

UM...

( laughs nervously )

MAY I?

( humming happily )

MMM...!

( chortles lewdly )

RANDOLPH, YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF A FREAK.

AND I LOVE IT.

GO ON, GIVE IT A TUG.

IT'S BEEN THIS THICK SINCE MY SENIOR PROM.

ONE MORE TIME, PAL.

VERY FREAKY.

( deep voice ): I'M GOING BALD.

( high voice ): DOES THIS COLOR BRING OUT MY EYES?

SUPER-FREAKY.

CAT, SHOULDN'T WE HAVE PREPARED

SOME KIND OF FREAKY ROUTINE?

OH, PLEASE, DOG, YOU HEARD WHAT WINSLOW SAID.

EVERYONE ALREADY THINKS WE'RE FREAKS.

THEY'LL TAKE ONE LOOK AT US AND THE MONEY SHOWER WILL BEGIN.

AND NOW, FOLKS, PLEASE GAWK AT OUR NEW FREAK ON THE BLOCK--

CATDOG.

PRETTY FREAKY, HUH?

UH, IT'S A CAT AND A DOG ON THE SAME BODY.

YOU HAVE GOT IT, MISTER!

WHAT'S SO FREAKY ABOUT THAT?

HUH?

I DON'T KNOW, IT'S... MILDLY INTERESTING.

IT'S NOT GREAT.

IT'S NOT A GREAT FREAK, IT'S OKAY.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

( teeth chattering )

A THOUSAND PARDONS, LADIES AND GENTS--

THIS EXHIBIT IS STILL UNDERGOING SOME FINE TUNING.

UH-OH-- ONLY 30 SECONDS TILL THEY DRAIN MR. BLISTER.

BOYS, I'VE BEEN WRONG TWICE IN MY LIFE.

WHEN I WAS 16, I FELL IN LOVE WITH A SCHNAUZER

AND YESTERDAY I HIRED YOU.

PLEASE DON'T FIRE US, MR. RANDOLPH, SIR.

YEAH, WE COULD BE FREAKIER-- JUST GIVE US A CHANCE.

WELL, MAYBE IT WAS JUST A BAD CROWD.

WE WON'T LET YOU DOWN.

OKAY, BUT REALLY FREAK IT UP THIS TIME.

STEP RIGHT UP AND GAWK

AT THE INCREDIBLE BEARDED...

AND UNICORNIED...

CATDOG!

( yawns loudly )

BORING.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

LOOK AT US-- WE'RE FREAKS!

( crowd cheers and applauds )

Cat: NOW, THIS BETTER DO IT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE STEP FORWARD AND WITNESS

THE FREAKIEST MOMENT IN FREAK HISTORY.

( clears throat )

( loud belch )

TA-DAH!

FRUIT SALAD, THE CATDOG WAY!

YO, IT'S STILL NOT THAT FREAKY.

( belches )

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WE ARE THE FREAKIEST FREAKS THIS SIDE OF FREAKVILLE, IS ALL.

WHEN THEY MADE US, THEY BROKE THE FREAKY MOLD.

WE ARE TOTAL FREAKS, AND I WON'T HAVE YOU OR ANYONE ELSE

TELLING ME OTHERWISE.

SORRY, FELLOWS, BUT YOU JUST CAN'T ARGUE WITH JOHN Q. PUBLIC.

I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR I.D. CARDS BACK.

NO, PLEASE.

THIS IS THE BEST GIG WE EVER HAD.

I GUESS YOU'RE JUST NOT FREAKS, AND I DON'T LOVE IT.

Winslow: HIYA, CATDOG.

( Dog gasps )

WINSLOW! OH, THANK HEAVENS.

NO ONE KNOWS BETTER THAN YOU THAT WE ARE TOTAL FREAKS.

WE NEED YOU TO CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE.

PLEASE, WINSLOW.

I'VE GOT A HOT TUB IN MY TRAILER.

JEEZ, LOUISE, DON'T START BEGGING.

COME ON, JUST YELL OUT WHAT YOU REALLY THINK OF US.

OKAY.

THANKS, BUDDY.

A CAT AND A DOG SHARING THE SAME BODY?

WHAT'S SO WEIRD ABOUT THAT?

( laughing )

CatDog: WHAT?

YEAH, YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST WHAT I WAS SAYING.

( gasps )

WOW! A BIG-EARED BLUE MOUSE WITH A GIANT HUMAN NOSE.

WHAT A FREAK!

THAT'S MR. FREAK TO YOU.

( crowd clamoring )

Man: IT'S GOT OVERALLS ON!

WHY, THAT LITTLE TRAITOR!

HE JUST SWIPED OUR SPOT ON THE FREAK GRAVY TRAIN.

COME TO MY ARMS, MY BEAMISH MOUSE.

YOU'LL BE ROLLING IN DOUGH.

WHAT'S THAT?

THAT, MY FRIEND, IS A GUARANTEED TEN FREAK SHOW DEAL.

HEH! SORRY, PAL.

I'VE ALREADY BEEN APPROACHED BY A MAJOR CORPORATION

LOOKING TO BUILD A THEME PARK

AROUND A FREAKISH TALKING MOUSE.

( laughs )

LATER.

( laughs )

LET HIM HAVE THE GRAVY, CAT.

MAYBE WE'RE NOT FREAKS AFTER ALL.

BUT... LOOK AT US, DOG.

WE'RE SO... DIFFERENT.

I DON'T CARE.

I FEEL NORMAL, AND I LIKE US.

WELL, ME TOO, BUT...

I THINK YOU'RE ONLY A FREAK IF YOU FEEL LIKE A FREAK

AND YOU KNOW WHAT I FEEL LIKE?

A FREAK?

NOPE!

I FEEL LIKE PLAYING SOME BASKETBALL.

YOU KNOW, DOG, SOMETIMES YOU ARE VERY, VERY WISE.

AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE NOT.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

HI-HO...

DIGGITY TO THAT!

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

♪ NO BLUE BUZZARD, NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE, LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

♪ CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... ♪

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioned by The Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]