Original subtitles

♪ ONE FINE DAY WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUG AND NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE, LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( sighs ) DOG, WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME

WHERE WE'RE GOING?

'CAUSE I WANT IT TO BE A BIG SURPRISE, CAT.

WELL, I HATE YOUR BIG SURPRISES.

OKAY, HERE'S A HINT.

WE'RE GOING TO SCHOOL.

WELL, I MUST SAY I AM IMPRESSED.

EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL IDEA.

Dog: TA-DA!

CLOWN SCHOOL?!

WHAT A RIDICULOUS IDEA!

BUT ALL MY LIFE

I'VE DREAMED OF BEING A CLOWN.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE EXIT SIGN, DOG.

WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

( whimpering )

Man: DON'T YOU THINK

YOU CAN HANDLE IT, PUSSYCAT?!

( growls ) NOBODY CALLS ME PUSSYCAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO FILL THESE SHOES.

OH, I GOT WHAT IT TAKES AND THEN SOME.

WHERE DO I SIGN?

WELCOME TO CLOWN SCHOOL!

( both yelling... )

( grunting, hollering )

( door closes )

( gasps )

( nose squeaks )

( bell ringing, trumpet playing reveille )

Man: TEN-HUT!

I AM SERGEANT SILLYBELLS!

IF YOU SURVIVE ME

YOU WILL BE MASTERS OF MAYHEM

SOLDIERS OF SILLINESS, WARRIORS OF WACKINESS.

All: SIR, YES, SIR!

SO, YOU WANT TO BE A CLOWN

EH, DOGFACE?

SIR, YES, SIR, I DO, SIR!

WIGGLE THOSE EARS!

CROSS THOSE EYES!

STICK OUT THAT TONGUE!

( blithering )

OUTSTANDING!

( chuckles ) ARE YOU KIDDING?

WELL, IF IT ISN'T MR. I-GOT-WHAT-IT-TAKES.

I GOT MY EYE ON YOU, HAIRBALL!

ALL RIGHT, YOU KNUCKLEHEADS!

LET'S SEE YOU SLIP AND FALL ON THOSE BANANA PEELS.

GO, GO, GO!

( yelling )

( yelps, grunts )

( grunts )

OOH, BANANA GUNK!

( whistle blows )

WHAT... HAIRBALL?

AFRAID OF GETTING YOUR FUR MUSSED?

OH, NO, SIR, NO.

BUT, I WA...

( stammering )

WOULDN'T IT BE FUNNIER

IF I DIDN'T FALL?

IT WAS A SURPRISE, TALK ABOUT FUNNY.

HAIRBALL! YOU FALL ON THAT BANANA PEEL!

YES, SIR, YES, SIR!

( yelling, grunting )

( groaning ): OH, MY BODY!

( all grumbling )

OW! OW! OW!

I CAN'T BREATHE!

I CAN'T BREATHE!

HAIRBALL! GET IN THERE!

YES, SIR, SERGEANT SILLYBELLS!

EXCUSE ME, IT'S JUST MY BODY.

( grunting )

( loud sucking sound )

( slurps loudly )

HAIRBALL!

THE OBJECT IS TO GET HIT BY THE PIE!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

WELL, SIR...

FUNNY THING.

I DON'T LIKE TO GET HIT BY PIES.

THEY'RE ALL MESSY.

CREAM GETS IN MY FUR.

ALL CLOWNS LOVE TO BE HIT BY PIES!

CLOWNS LIVE TO BE HIT BY PIES!

IN FACT, I WANT TO BE HIT WITH A PIE RIGHT NOW!

( gasps )

THANK YOU, SON.

SIR, NO PROBLEM, SIR!

HERE YOU GO, HAIRBALL!

PIE YOURSELF!

( gulps )

WHAT WILL IT BE, HAIRBALL?

THE PIE WAY?

OR THE HIGHWAY?

COME ON, TAKE THE PIE.(shivering)

TAKE THE PIE, MAN.

TAKE THE PIE.

TAKE THE PIE.

TAKE THE PIE.

TAKE THE PIE.

TAKE THE PIE, CAT.

( whimpering )

( laughs ) SEE, ANOTHER SURPRISE!

FUNNY, BOY, LAUGHING NOW, RIGHT, FUNNY?

RIGHT, SIR, FUNNY?

THAT'S IT, HAIRBALL!

YOU DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.

YOU ARE DISMISSED!

DISCHARGED!

OUCH!

THIS CAT IS HISTORY.

BUT, SIR...

YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

( stammering ): I DID THE BANANA PEEL.

I GOT IN THE CAR.

YOU CAN'T KICK ME OUT, SIR.

I'VE GOT NO PLACE ELSE TO GO.

NOW, FOR THE REST OF YOU CLOWNS...

IT'S TIME FOR YOUR FINAL ASSIGNMENTS.

ALL RIGHT, YOU FEARLESS FUNNY FELLOWS...

PREPARE TO JUMP!

WINKY THE CLOWN, TO ANDY RHEINGOLD'S BAR MITZVAH.

GO!

( groans )

MR. JUMBO TO SUPERMARKET OPENING-- GO!

( squealing )

NOW, I NEED A VOLUNTEER

FOR ONE VERY DANGEROUS MISSION.

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY OF...

SUSIE SOURPUSS.

( all gasp )

NOT SUSIE SOURPUSS.

NOT SUSIE SOURPUSS.

THAT GAL IS CRABBY.

WHO'S IT GOING TO BE?

SIR, ME, SIR.

I WILL BE PROUD TO DO IT , SIR.

I KNEW YOU'D COME THROUGH, SON.

YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES!

DOGGO THE CLOWN TO SUSIE SOURPUSS'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!

GOOD LUCK, SON.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT SILLYBELLS, SIR.

I WILL DO MY FUNNIEST.

( yelling ): HI-HO, DIGGITY!

( Cat screaming )

( Cat screaming )

( crashes )

DOGGO THE CLOWN HAS LANDED.

( Cat groans )

PARTY IN SIGHT.

FIVE CHILDREN.

ONE PARENT.

AND ONE SUSIE SOURPUSS.

GEE, CAT, I WISH YOU WERE GOING IN WITH ME.

I'M NOT A CLOWN, REMEMBER?

I COULDN'T TAKE THE PIE.

( grunts )

( door opens )

HI! I'M DOGGO THE CLOWN.

( chuckles, honks horn )

( gunshot, horse whinnies )

( toilet flushes )

( buzzer bleats )

( giggling madly )

( grunts )

DOGGO!

( panting )

IT'S HORRIBLE IN THERE.

SHE JUST WOULDN'T LAUGH!

( moans )

( stammering ): OH, DOG, DOG, DOG.

( wheezing )

YOU GOT TO GO IN THERE.

YOU GOT TO FINISH THE JOB.

( wheezing ) MUST SAVE PARTY.

I CAN'T GO IN THERE, DOG.

I DON'T HAVE WHAT IT TAKES.

( yells ): I...

( wheezes )

I THINK YOU DO.

I THINK YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES.

AND THEN SOME.

( sadly ): GO IN THERE AND MAKE THEM...

( squeaks ): LAUGH.

( gulps loudly )

HI.

I'M MR. FUNNY.

HAPPY... SILLY...

CLOWN.

( crazy laughter )

OH, HE'S WORSE THAN THE DOG!

( breathing wheezily )

( laughing hysterically... )

WATCH OUT FOR THAT BANANA PEEL... OH!

OOPS! I FELL!

IT WAS PRETTY FUNNY...

WHEN I FELL ON THE BANANA PEEL.

NOT EVEN REMOTELY AMUSING.

CAT... I GOT ONE LEFT.

TAKE IT.

TAKE... THE PIE.

DO YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES...

HAIRBALL?

TA-DA!

STILL NOT FUNNY.

( snarling )

WHAT?!

THAT WASN'T FUNNY?

BUT I...

I DID IT.

I TOOK THE PIE...

AND THE MESS AND THE FUR

AND THE PIE AND THE GOO AND IT'S IN MY EARS

AND IT'S ...

OH!

I TOOK THE PIE...

( wailing )

NOW THAT'S FUNNY!

( all laughing )

FOR BRAVERY BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY...

I AWARD YOU THE RUBBER CHICKEN OF HONOR.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HAIRBALL THE CLOWN!

( laughing, making rude noises )

THE TRADITIONAL 21-PIE SALUTE!

( jeering laughter )

( pies smacking... )

Cat: PLEASE DON'T...

( pies smacking )

( pie smacks )

NOT ANOTHER ONE...

I HATE YOU GUYS!

Cat: UGH, STICKY TAFFY

RED-HOT CHILI, ORANGE FREEZEE-- DOG!

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH JUNK FOOD?

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT STUFF DOES TO OUR INSIDES, DOG?

DON'T YOU HAVE A SHRED OF SELF-CONTROL?

UM... NO. ( gulps loudly )

( gobbling loudly )

HEY, DOG.

LOOK OVER THERE.

( gasps ) PRIZES!

( Cat grunts )

KNOCK THE BOTTLES DOWN, WIN A PRIZE.

OKEY-DOKEY.

HMM...

( gagging )

UGH!

HAIRBALL.

YOU'RE A WINNER

CHOOSE YOUR PRIZE.

Dog: OOH! OOH! OOH! GOLDFISH!

OOH! GOLDFISH!

( gulps ) A GOLDFISH?

Carny: HERE'S YOUR FISH.

REMEMBER, DO NOT OVERFEED IT, ET CETERA.

WINSLOW, MEET VERONICA.

HELLO THERE, VERONICA.

VERONICA? HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S A GIRL?

AH, CAT. ( chortles )

GEEZ, LOUISE, DOG.

IT'S PRETTY GUTSY BRINGING A PET FISH HOME.

ESPECIALLY WITH A CAT AROUND THE HOUSE.

I'M NOT WORRIED.

CAT HAS LOTS OF SELF-CONTROL.

HE WOULDN'T THINK OF EATING MY VERONICA.

( laughing ): I SHOULD SAY NOT.

( snorts )

( Dog snoring loudly... )

UM... AAH!

( whimpering )

( shrieks softly )

( snoring... )

( gasping )

( panting heavily )

AH!

( laughing nervously )

NO, WHAT AM I DOING?

I HAVE SELF-CONTROL.

THAT'S WHAT SEPARATES THE CANINES FROM THE FELINES.

( chomping )

( gulps )

( snoring... )

( grunts )

OH, MY GOSH!

I ATE VERONICA.

( voice cracking ): DOG WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME.

( yelps )

( Dog yawning... )

MORNING, STRANGER.

WHERE'S VERONICA?

I DID NOT EAT HER!

SEE, HERE SHE IS!

Dog: GEE, SHE LOOKS KIND OF PUFFY.

VERONICA, YOU SHOULDN'T EAT SO MUCH.

YOU NEED MORE SELF-CONTROL.

LIKE CAT.

WOWIE CABOODLES

LOOK AT THAT SELF-CONTROL.

SHE'S THINNING OUT ALREADY.

( gulps )

WHAT'S THE MATTER, CAT?

( stammering... )

DOG, YOUR VOICE SOUNDS, UH... RASPY.

REALLY?

OH, YEAH. SAY "AHH."

AHH...

OOH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

( stammering ): I'D BETTER CHECK YOUR TONSILS.

YEAH! DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME!

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

YOU STAY OUT THERE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

( muffled ): OKAY!

VERONICA! HERE, VERONICA!

( echoing ): VERONICA! VERONICA!

I TOLD DOG NOT TO EAT ALL THAT STICKY TAFFY.

( squeaking )

( rumbling )

CHOCOLATE MATZO BALL!

( yells )

( squeaking )

( yells )

GUMMY LLAMAS!

( yells )

( slurping )

MMM... ORANGE SODA.

TOILET WATER.

HEY YOU, CATDO... OH...

NEVER MIND.

( gurgling )

RED-HOT CHILI.

OW, OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!

AH...

( breathing echoes... )

( stretching... )

( both shriek )

I THINK I TOOK A WRONG TURN AT THE SMALL INTESTINES.

VERONICA?

( yells ): HERE, VERONICA!

OH, WHAT'S THE USE!

SHE'S PROBABLY FULLY DIGESTED BY NOW.

( harshly ): HEY, BUB!

YOU LOOKING FOR ME?

VERONICA... OOH.

I KNEW SHE WAS A GUY.

( chuckles nervously )

WELL, LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE BEEN EATING WELL.

HEY!

AREN'T YOU THE GUY WHO ATE ME?

I THINK MAYBE I'LL RETURN THE FAVOR.

( growling fiercely )

WAIT A SECOND, YOU'RE NOT VERONICA.

CAT ATE VERONICA!

DOG!

YOU SAVED MY LIFE!

YOU ATE MY VERONICA...

( loud chomp )

OH! OH, WELL, HI, DOG.

( forced chuckle )

WELCOME TO VERONICA'S STOMACH.

HE ATE US.

YEAH, WELL, YOU ATE VERONICA FIRST!

I LOST MY SELF-CONTROL.

IT'S OKAY, CAT.

YOU'RE NOT MAD?

NAH, SAME THING HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.

( chuckles )

OH, YEAH, THAT'S TRUE.

UH, CAT?

HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET OUT OF HERE?

DOG...

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

( athletes grunting, crowds cheering)

( whistle blows )

HEY, UH, FISH

CAN I HAVE BITE OF THAT CHILI?

SURE THING.

HEY, BUB

WHERE'S THE LITTLE BOYS' ROOM?

UPSTAIRS AND TO THE LEFT.

THANKS, BUB.

( laughing... )

Announcer: And coming up, here on KAT, we'll be announcing

the big winner of our big contest.

I GOT TO GET TO THE RADIO!

BE RIGHT THERE, CAT.

COME ON, IT'S FETCH TIME.

( Cat groans )

( bangs door )

FETCH, FETCH...

NOT NOW, IT'S THE BIG CONTEST.

I'VE GOT TO LISTEN TO THE RADIO FOR MY NAME.

I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT.

( chortles )

IT'S CAT!

( gulps )

( gags )

SO, COME ON, THROW THE BALL!

( chortles )

OKAY, BUT FETCH QUIETLY.

MAKE IT A LONG ONE.

OH, LOOK AT IT GO.

( howling )

HI, WINS...SLOW.

HIYA, DOG.

THIS YOUR BALL?

( whimpering ): BALL...

Now, all you cool cat kids...

THIS IS IT.

...the winner of our big WKAT contest.

THIS BIG PRIZE IS GOING TO PUT US ON EASY STREET.

CAT, YOU NOTICE WHEN YOU THROW A BALL

A DOG'S GOT TO FETCH?

YEAH, THAT'S... WHATEVER, YEAH.

To claim your big prize, call

within five minutes...FIVE MINUTES!

IT'S A RULE OF NATURE, A DOG CAN'T HELP HIMSELF.

( whimpers )

And our big WKAT lucky winner is... Cat!

I WON!

CONGRATULATIONS, CAT.

I GOT TO MAKE THAT CALL!

Dog: HI-HO, DIGGITY!

( chortles )

I LOVE FETCH.

( humming )

Cat: GOT TO GET TO THE PHONE!

OH, OH, NO!

( all grunting )

HEY, TAMPERING WITH THE MAIL

IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE!

UH-HUH, OH...

Cat: WHOA!

GREASER DOGS HATE CATBUTT.

GREASER DOGS HATE CATBUTT.

( all groaning )

( shrieking ): CATBUTT!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE! GET THEM!

COME ON, YOU GUYS!

FOLLOW THE CATDOG!

Dog: BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL!

Cat: PHONE, PHONE, PHONE, PHONE!

PLEASE, DOG, WAIT JUST A...

( all shouting )

( all grunting )

FETCH, FETCH, FETCH, FETCH!

OW! OW!

OOH! A PHONE.

JUST GOT TO GET...

AAH! ( straining )

I... MUST... FETCH...

I'M TRYING TO MAKE A CALL.

I'M TRYING TO MAKE...

( shrieking )

Guy: OW...

( yelping )

( yelling... )

OKAY, BOYS!

( shouting... )

( shouting, yelling... )

( bell ringing )

WHOA!

FETCH! COME HERE, LITTLE BALL!

( howling )

Cat: GET TO A PHONE...

( both shouting )

Guy: OH...

ANOTHER PERFECT GAME OF FETCH.

TERRIFIC.

( gasps ) A PHONE!

I CAN STILL MAKE IT.

THIS IS CAT!

TELL ME I'M NOT TOO LATE!

Congratulations, Cat!

DOG, I WON!

( bells, sirens... )

All: WHOA!

WHEW! CLOSE ONE.

YEAH.

DOG, THIS IS OUR LUCKY DAY.

( whistling )

( engine roaring... )

( howling )

SO, CAT, THE GRAND CANYON MADE A REAL IMPRESSION ON YOU.

( guffawing )

LAUGH IT UP, RATBOY.

WE'LL SEE WHO'S LAUGHING

WHEN WE GET OUR BIG PRIZE.

( horn honking )

HEY, LOOK, CAT, HERE IT COMES NOW.

AW, DOG, IT JUST DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS.

CONGRATULATIONS, CAT!

YOU'VE JUST WON A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF...

GIVE IT TO ME, BABY!

TENNIS BALLS!

HUH?

YES! HI-HO, DIGGITY!

NO, NO DIGGITY!

OKAY, BOYS, NOW WE GOT THEM.

( all yelling )

( snarling )

ABOUT FACE, BOYS, WE GOT SOME MANGLING TO DO.

( chortles ) I REALLY LOVE FETCH.

( grunts )

♪ ONE FINE DAY WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUG AND NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE

♪ LITTLE CATDOG

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG... ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON ]

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioned byThe Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]