Original subtitles

♪ ONE FINE DAY WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUG AND NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE, LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON]

( chirping )

( humming... )

( sniffing )

AH, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY, MY FRIEND.

PERFECT FOR A...

( honking )(gulps)

( squealing )

( yelps )

( squealing )

MEAT TRUCK!

Cat: NO, DOG.

NO... WHOA... NO!

OW!

OW!

( loud slurping )

( laughing... )

OH!

WHOA!

OOH!

Fed up with your lower half?

YOU SAID IT, BROTHER.

Tired of your tush?

Ready to cut loose with a new caboose?

Then get your rear in gear and shake it down to Better Bottoms.

Better Bottoms changed my life.

Let it change yours.

And I'm not just the owner, I'm also a client.

♪ Better Bottoms, we have got 'em ♪

♪ Don't be a chump, dump your rump, yeah! ♪

BOY, THAT'S SILLY.

WHO'D WANT TO PAY MONEY FOR A NEW, UH...

A NEW BUTT!

A NEW LIFE.

WHY, I'D BE A NORMAL CAT.

AND YOU'D BE A NORMAL DOG.

BUT... TRUST ME, YOU'D LOVE BEING A NORMAL DOG.

BUT I LIKE BEING A CATDOG.

OH, COME ON, IT WON'T HURT TO LOOK.

BUT... EXACTLY.

OH!

( panting )

REMEMBER, NO BUYING, JUST LOOKING.

WELCOME.

A NEW KEISTER FOR THE MEISTER?

AH, YOU'RE HERE FOR TODAY'S SPECIAL:

TWO BUNS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.

LET ME SHOW YOU OUR SUPERIOR POSTERIOR.

PICK ANY BOTTOM YOU LIKE.

AND THERE'S MORE IN THE... REAR.

BUT, OF COURSE, FELINE FANNIES ARE OUR FORTE.

( beeps )

THE ROMAN.

THE LOW RIDER.

THE FIRMINATOR.

AND FOR THOSE WHO WALK ON THE WILD SIDE...

FAT AND SASSY.

AH! ( dog sputters )

WH-WHY, THEY'RE ALL WONDERFUL.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE TO BUY.

WE'RE NOT BUYING.

WE'RE LEAVING.

THANKS, BYE.

OH... BOY.

THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BOTTOM I'VE EVER SEEN.

Cary Grant type voice: WHY, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

HELLO THERE, NAME'S RANDOLPH.

CHARMED, I'M SURE.

I'M IN FOR MY 14th TRANSPLANT.

RANCID RABBIT DOES MARVELOUS WORK.

CAN I GET ONE LIKE HIS?

WHY, YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

HE'S TRADING IT IN.

ONLY 200 MILES ON IT.

SOLD!

( yells )

CAT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

MY MIND IS MADE UP.

I'M GOING TO DO IT.

NO IF'S, AND'S OR...

BUT... I WANT THIS MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

I HAVE TO... NO, NO, NO--

WE HAVE TO DO THIS.

WE'LL BOTH BE HAPPIER.

BUT, IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?

YES!

LOOK, DO IT FOR ME, DOG.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE?

UM... I... I... OH...

( groans, giggles )

AH! HA-HA!

OKAY, LET ME SHOW YOU OUR DOGGY DERRIERES.

UH, NO THANKS, I'LL TAKE THAT.

HMM, YES.

HUH?

YOU CAN'T PICK HIS BOTTOM.

I PICKED HIS BOTTOM.

I DON'T WANT HIS BOTTOM.

I WANT HIS HEAD.

IT REMINDS ME...

...OF AN OLD FRIEND.

BUT... THAT'S CRAZY.

I'LL SAY IT'S CRAZY.

IT'S CRAZY AND IT'S WILD AND I LOVE IT!

TWO HEADS.

SOUNDS TERRIBLY EXCITING.

I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE.

WE'LL DO IT TOMORROW MORNING.

LET'S CELEBRATE.

A NIGHT ON THE TOWN

GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER, MY TREAT.

TERRIFIC!

( revving engine )

CAT, YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT.

I'VE HAD WONDERFUL TIMES WITH THAT BOTTOM.

OH, I CAN ONLY IMAGINE.

I CAN'T WAIT.

SO, DOGGY, DOGGY, WHAT ARE YOU UP FOR?

OUTDOOR ADVENTURES? CARDS AT THE CLUB?

DINNER AT THE BROWN DERBY?

HMM, I DON'T CARE.

( making farting sound with armpit )

( laughing )

( joining in... )

( bass pumping )

( cheering )

( dance music playing... )

( sound of brakes squealing )

YODELAY-HEE-HOO.

( grunts, panting )

( crickets chirping )

( brakes squeal )

THANKS, RANDY.

THAT WAS CRAZY AND WILD AND I LOVED IT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW, OLD MAN.

( honks horn )

LOOKS LIKE YOU TWO ARE GOING TO BE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER.

AND YOU'LL BE HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW BUTT.

GUESS THIS WILL BE OUR LAST NIGHT AS A CATDOG.

( laughing )

( laughs )

( both laughing )

SHALL WE SLICE?

( glove snaps )

( panting )

UM, YOU KNOW, DOG

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.

DON'T WORRY, CAT, I WON'T LET YOU DOWN.

DOG, AFTER WE FINISH, WE'LL TAKE MY PRIVATE JET

TO THE FRENCH RIVIERA

FOR SOME WATER SKIING WITH THE PRINCE.

( metal door closes )

( whirring )

( gasps )

WILL IT HURT, RANDY?

AFTER THE FIRST 20 MINUTES, YOU DON'T FEEL A THING.

( both laughing )

IT WAS NICE BEING CONNECTED TO YOU, CAT.

( maniacal laughter )

DOG, ARE YOU ABSOTIVELY, POSULUTELY SURE

YOU WANT TO DO THIS?

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SAY "STOP."

I WOULDN'T MIND.

NO, I KNOW HOW MUCH

YOU WANT TO BE A NORMAL KITTY CAT... CAT.

OF COURSE, I DO... WHY WOULDN'T I?

BUT YOU COULD STILL SAY "STOP"

IF YOU WANTED TO.

WHY WOULD I SAY THAT?

THIS IS FOR...

( gasps )

JUST SAY IT.

IT.

NO, NO...

S-T-O-P.

S-T-O...

STOP!

( grunting )

WHAT'S WRONG?

I'M WRONG.

I'M AN IDIOT.

I'M A FOOL, DOG.

LISTEN, IF I ONLY HAVE NINE LIVES

LET ME LIVE THEM AS A CATDOG.

CATDOG NOW, CATDOG TOMORROW, CATDOG FOREVER!

CATDOG FOREVER!

COME HERE, YOU.

OOH, I LOVE THIS GUY.

( blade slicing )

OOH, THAT STINGS...

( blade slices )

...AND I LOVE IT!

BUT SERIOUSLY, THAT WAS MY WORST IDEA EVER.

I DON'T KNOW.

REMEMBER THE TIME

YOU DONATED OUR SPLEEN TO SCIENCE?

PLEASE DON'T BRING THAT UP.

HEY, FELLAS, I TOOK RANCID RABBIT UP

ON HIS TWO-FOR-ONE SPECIAL.

THEY'RE CRAZY, THEY'RE WILD

AND I LOVE THEM.

WELL, ME AND MY BETTER HALVES ARE OFF TO THE RIVIERA.

CIAO, CATDOG.

( tires squealing )

TOO BAD YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON THE RIVIERA.

THAT'S OKAY.

I'D RATHER BE RIGHT HERE WITH YOU, CAT.

( mooing )

'CAUSE HERE COMES A MEAT TRUCK!

Cat: NO, WAIT.

Dog: MEAT TRUCK, MEAT TRUCK!

( barking )

( birds singing )

YOW!

OW, OOH, WOHOO!

BONE, BONE, BONE, BONE...!

YEAH, YEAH, UH-HUH, YEAH.

( panting furiously )

BONE!

( hatch creaks )

MM-MMM!

AGED TO PERFECTION.

( slurps )

( grunting )

WANT TO TRY?

( laughs derisively )

I DON'T THINK SO.

( growls )

CHECK OUT THE CHOICE DOGGY BONE.

( growls, whimpers )

GIVE IT BACK, YOU BONE-NAPER!

( growling )

( crunch )

( laughing )

LOSERS, UH, KEEPERS.

( slurps )

TASTY!

IT'S OUR BONE NOW, CUTIE.

( growling )

NOW, EASY, DOG

IT'S JUST A ROTTEN BONE.

THERE'S NO REASON TO GET US BEAT UP.

YEAH, DOGGIE, BETTER LISTEN TO YOUR BUTT.

( Cat yelping )

( yelling ferociously )

HEY, FOLLOW THAT BONE!

( door slams )

Shriek: COME OUTSIDE, YOU SCAREDY CATDOG!

Cliff: YEAH, MAKE WITH THE BONE.

PLEASE, DOG, JUST GIVE IT TO THEM.

NO WAY, CAT.

I AM NOT GIVING UP

THIS PERFECTLY BROKEN-IN BONE.

Cliff: YOUSE TWO IS CRUISING FOR A DOUBLE BRUISING!

UH, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE!

( Dog yelping )

ONE DOG BONE, COMING UP.

OOF!

Dog: NEVER!

( stretching )

( laughing nervously )

( punches landing )

( screaming, screeching )

( whimpering )

GIVE UP THE BONE, DOG.

THEY'RE NOT GOING TO LEAVE UNTIL THEY GET IT!

OH, YEAH? WELL, THEY'RE GOING TO GET IT, ALL RIGHT!

All: EW!

( squeals )

( spitting )

KITTY LITTER!

EW, IT'S THE CHUNKY KIND.

AW, GROSS!

GET IT OFF OF ME!

AH. THEY WON'T BE COMING BACK.

Cliff: HEY, WE'LL BE BACK.

FOR THAT BONE!

( angry grunt )

( growling )

RELEASE THE BONE

AND NO ONE WILL BE HARMED.

OH, COME ON, DO IT, DOG-- DO IT FOR ME!

BUT, CAT, IF WE GIVE THEM THAT BONE

THEN WHAT'S STOPPING THEM FROM TAKING YOUR SCRATCHING POST

OR BIG YARN BALL?

( laughs )

YOU ALMOST HAD ME THERE FOR A SECOND.

THEY WOULDN'T WANT ANY OF MY STUFF.

HEY, UH, CLIFF

AFTER WE GET THAT BONE

THEN, UH, LET'S TAKE THE SCRATCHING POST

AND, AND, UH, SEE IF THEY GOT SOMETHING LIKE A...

A BIG YARN BALL, UH...

NO GREASERS WILL SET A PAW

IN THIS HOUSE.

LUBE, WHEN YOU GET INSIDE

OPEN THE FRONT DOOR FOR US.

UH, UH, EH, AH...

GET INSIDE, EH, UH, EH...

HOW DO YOU SPELL "LUBE"?

F-I-R-E.

FIRE!

( Lube yelling... )

( yelling fading )

( crashes, yelps )

LOOKS LIKE WE GOT TO TRY PLAN "B."

( sniffs deeply )

BIG STEAK AT THE DOOR!

NO, NO, DOG, IT'S A TRAP.

HEY, BIG STEAK.

YOW! OW!

( Cat yelling )

THEY'RE TAKING THE BAIT.

ATTACK!

( both grunting )

CLIFF, YOU BONEHEAD

YOU FORGOT TO PUT THE HANDLE ON THE DOOR!

OOH, STUPID, STUPID!

( sizzling )

( sniffing )

HEY, UH, HEY, WHAT'S COOKING?

( sniffs )

( screaming )

( all yelling ): FIRE!

( screaming, yelping )

Lube: AHH! GET OUT! GET OUT!

HEY!

( all grunting )

DON'T WORRY.

THAT BONE WILL BE OURS

OR MY NAME AIN'T CLIFF.

SO WHAT SHOULD WE CALL YOU?

( air raid siren blaring )

ALL RIGHT...

THE ENEMY HAS THE PERIMETER SURROUNDED.

ALL LINES OF COMMUNICATION HAVE BEEN CUT OFF.

SUPPLIES ARE LOW.

MILITARILY SPEAKING

CATDOG IS DEAD MEAT.

( chomps )

WINSLOW'S RIGHT.

WE MUST SEND FOR REINFORCEMENTS.

WELL? ANY VOLUNTEERS?

HEY, COME ON, GUYS.

HEY, HEY

LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.

I'M-I'M NEUTRAL

LIKE SWITZERLAND, HUH?

GOOD LUCK, SOLDIER.

OH!

NO, YOU CAN'T DO...

( screaming )

YOU LOUSY CAT!

THAT'S IT!

WE'RE AS GOOD AS SAVED.

Cat: YES!

( chuckles )

SHOULDN'T BE MUCH LONGER.

( chuckles )

YEAH.

OH, ANY...

ANY DAY NOW.

( playing harmonica... )

( dog barks, cat meows, doorbell rings )

THE REINFORCEMENTS HAVE ARRIVED!

( crashing )

UH...

OOF!(growls)

( yelping... )

AHH!

YAAH!

( crashing )

COME IN, WINSLOW, OVER.

THEY'VE TAKEN THE LIVING ROOM OVER, OVER.

WE CAN'T HOLD OUT MUCH LONGER, OVER.

MAYDAY, MAYDAY!

Lube: CAT...

I AM A WHITEFISH CHUB.

PLEASE COME DOWNSTAIRS AND EAT ME.

HELLO, DOG.

I AM A TACO FROM TACO DEPOT.

( laughing )

MMM! I SMELL YUMMY.

GIVE US THE BONE AND YOU CAN TASTE ME.

OH, SARGE, I'M STARVING!

HEY, LUBE, DO THE WHITEFISH CHUB AGAIN.

CLIFF, IT'S BEEN MONTHS

AND WE REMAIN BONELESS.

MAYBE WE NEED A NEW COMMANDER!

I'M THE LEADER OF THIS OUTFIT.

( growling ) NOT ANYMORE!

( yelling )

( grunts )

( karate yelling )

HEY!

( high-pitched karate yelling )

( grunting, smacking... )

SAVE SOME FOR ME THERE!

( punches landing )

( panting, grunting )

I'M GIVING THE ORDERS NOW!

AND I GOT THE PERFECT PLAN

TO END THIS WAR

ONCE AND FOR ALL!

( gasps )(teeth chattering)

I'M FREAKING OUT, SIR.

I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

I GOT TO SURRENDER THE BONE.

I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT, SON.

FACE IT, CAT.

WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR MONTHS.

WE'RE OUT OF FOOD.

WINSLOW'S NOT COMING BACK.

( sobbing ): WE LOST, WE LOST!

( trailing off ): LOST, LOST...

( sighs )

YOU'RE RIGHT, DOG.

WE SHOULD GIVE UP.

LET'S JUST GIVE UP THE BONE.

YEAH. NOW YOU'RE TALKING SENSE, MM-HMM.

AND I'LL GIVE UP MY SCRATCHING POST AND...

OUT IT GOES.

BIG YARN BALL...

CHUCKAROONI.

AND, OF COURSE, THIS HAT.

WHO NEEDS IT?

THIS MASSAGE CHAIR...BYE-BYE.

HOW ABOUT THIS TINY PLASTIC SPORK?

AND WHY KEEP THE BIDET?!

MIGHT AS WELL GIVE THEM THAT, TOO!

AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT

WE MIGHT AS WELL GIVE THEM THE WHOLE ENTIRE HOUSE

AND OUR FREEDOM!

WE SHOULD JUST GIVE UP OUR FREEDOM--

STOP, CAT, WE CAN'T DO THAT.

THAT'S RIGHT, WE CAN'T.

NOW LET'S END THIS

ONCE AND FOR ALL.

( loud crashing )

( punches landing, shouting )

( loud crashing... )

( Dog imitating weapons fire )

IT'S JUST LIKE A VIDEO GAME!

( grunting )

HEY, WHERE'D THEY GO?

"KEEP YOUR STUPID BONE.

BEAT YOU UP LATER."

SIGNED, "THE GREASER DOGS."

( laughs )

WE WON!

I THINK WE ALL LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON TODAY.

WAR IS HECK.

RIGHT, CAT.

JUST SAY NO TO VIOLENCE.

Winslow: ALOHA, CATDOG.

LIKE MY NEW TAN?

( Catdog huffing angrily )

A... TTACK!

( Winslow screaming )

( shouting... )

♪ ONE FINE DAY WITH A WOOF AND A PURR ♪

♪ A BABY WAS BORN AND IT CAUSED A LITTLE STIR ♪

♪ NO BLUE BUG AND NO THREE-EYED FROG ♪

♪ JUST A FELINE, CANINE

♪ LITTLE CATDOG

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG ♪

♪ OUT ON THE ROAD OR BACK IN TOWN ♪

♪ ALL KIND OF CRITTERS PUTTING CATDOG DOWN ♪

♪ GOT TO RISE ABOVE IT, GOT TO TRY TO GET ALONG ♪

♪ GOT TO WALK TOGETHER, GOT TO SING THIS SONG ♪

♪ CATDOG... CATDOG...

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG... ♪

[Captioning sponsored by THE U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

and NICKELODEON ]

♪ ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATDOG. ♪

[Captioned byThe Caption Center WGBH Educational Foundation]