Original subtitles

Thanks to a string

of missed shots in the field, and because shame

builds character, maggot,

I shall now retrain you

in the art of the net gun.

Meet your target.

This is safe, right?

We'll know soon.

Officers, take aim.

Release the target!

It's not your friend, it's a toddler

being chased by a timber wolf.

Fire!

Did you even have your eyes open for that shot?

Fail!

Oh!

I can't do it.

I can't shoot my boy.

Your boy just killed a mother of three.

- Fail! - Oh.

Wait for it.

Gotcha.

Did you jam my gun?

Always check your cartridge.

Fail!

You have brought shame to the name of Colin Brown.

Come on, guys.

Inventor of the net gun.

Fixed the cartridge.

Sir.

Lunch, anybody?

I could go for some Thai.

All these nets have me craving seafood.

Your training worked. She hit you on the first shot.

Wait, are you guys going with Thai or seafood?!

Seafood, they say...

Shut up, maggot!

Sorry.

Sorry, you want me to help you up?

Yeah. Can you help me?

Okay. Next up, we have a personal

announcement from Daisy.

Oh, yes.

Do not use the quilted toilet paper.

I bring that from home.

It is not my fault that Seattle can only afford one-ply.

- Thank you. - Thank you, Daisy.

Yeah, duly noted.

Oh... are we starting on time?

Yeah, just like we do every morning.

Wait, so this... this is the morning meeting?

Man, having a job is crazy.

Parker, did you use our gym to do some squatting?

We hear you're good at that.

Nah, Big Cat. Today was chest and arms.

See, with Parker, your sarcasm doesn't break through.

It's like somebody throwing darts at a tank.

Ting! Ting! Ting! Ting!

Did you guys choreograph an anti-sarcasm dance?

Parker, you really fine, but you are distracting.

And my boss has the floor right now, so.

Understood. My apologies. I gotta get out of here anyways.

- Bye. - Ooh, you taste salty.

It's like... like kissing a potato chip.

- Ah! - That's nasty.

Yuck.

And next up,

as a thank you to Frank

for returning their horse last month.

Rutton Ranch House sent him this gift certificate

for a free couple's sunset horse ride.

Romantic and free? That's my kinda date, Big Cat.

Oh, I'm shutting that nickname down.

Are you sure? 'Cause it's good.

Oh, if it's available, I call it.

I'm Big Cat now.

Frank, if I may. When was the last time

that you went on an actual date?

It's hard to keep track of those things.

Yeah, it's three months by my count.

You said you were taking time to work on yourself.

That long of a dry spell,

I'll bet he's working on himself.

- Hey-oh! - Hey-oh!

That's so fun. Um, so... this gift certificate

expires at the end of the month, which is

that, oh... that's today.

Cool idea. Give it to me, and I'll take Parker.

Doesn't he get enough free stuff?

I mean, he walked outta here in my gym shorts.

It's tonight. That's a tight timetable.

Even for me. For you, impossible.

There's just no way.

Insulting challenge accepted.

You know what? Fine.

Find a filly by 5:00, or the free ride is mine.

Shake on it.

- Shake my... - Oh! Oh...

Dry spell's making a lotta sense.

Hey, Community Outreach Officer.

First official event tonight. Very exciting.

I figured, why do a neutering event

when you can do a neutering experience?

- Mmm... - Right?

Dr. Green does the surgery.

I pour the wine.

That's why I called it

the Sip and Snip.

- Yeah - Love that.

Yeah, it's very ambitious.

DJ's ready, food trucks are ready.

- It's... - Food trucks.

- So... so multiple. - Yep.

Mmm. Maybe I should just stay tonight and help out.

Aren't you the one who gave an entire

PowerPoint presentation about how you were gonna

delegate more after the merger?

That was a PowerPoint and this is real life.

Okay, so in that case, maybe I'll just send you

a text update every 20 minutes.

The way I make Danny do on sleepovers.

That would be great. Would you?

- You were joking. - Mmm.

As was I.

I trust you, obviously.

- Hey! - Hey.

Thanks for volunteering to help out

at the Sip and Snip tonight.

Yeah, totally.

Uh, but you know what would be even better?

I'm not spying on Patel for you.

You have to!

This whole thing is shaping up to be

a real poop show.

No. No way!

Patel's in double thumbs-up mode.

He's got this. Look at him.

See?

It's not a big deal. Just turn on your body camera,

let it roll, and then I'll watch the live feed

from another room.

Okay, look, I don't usually bring up the HR stuff

with our relationship, but right now,

you're wading into a very gray area.

Okay.

You know, it's kinda hot when you set boundaries.

- Really? - Say it again.

Very gray area.

Okay! Okay.

Oh, I'm sure they would delay the sunset ride

for you, Heather.

Well, anywho, what time do you get off work?

9:30? That's ridiculous. Let me talk to your boss.

Hello?

- Hello? - Let's look at the bright side.

At least that lady remembered you.

The first woman remembered me.

She just couldn't remember from what.

You're like a batter in a slump, brother.

You know, you're in your head. You're overthinking it.

Yeah, well, that's what regular thinking looks like

to an under-thinker.

Now, there he is!

See, the sarcastic guy doesn't care what anybody thinks.

That's the guy who's gonna get a date.

I'm not taking you on the horse ride.

The more you push me away, the more it makes me

wanna come and getcha.

Daisy.

Hey.

Can you get me another box of wine, please?

Daisy.

- Oh. Uh. - Hey.

You have something more important

than Barbra Streisand's life story?

Do you know she used a water bottle as a doll?

Okay. I'm sorry.

I thought you were here to help.

Oh, no, I'm here to butter up Emily so I can

ask for more vacation days for my cruise.

Uh, listen, Big Cat.

Hey!

Either you help me, or I tell Emily.

That was a good use of the nickname,

but bad use of the ultimatum.

I just have to tell Emily that you can't handle this.

Oh. Well.

- Well, you boxed me in. - Yes.

Can you just make sure people are filling out

the sign-in sheet? - Hell no!

Actually, yes.

Because there might be some single hotties in here

and you already know they're thoughtful about birth control.

Yeah, whatever.

Okay.

Dr. Green!

You ready to slice 'em and dice 'em, bro?

Ready? I already started and get this.

One of those dogs had a tumor in his testicles.

- Nice. - You're saving lives, bro.

Hey, can you put that in an email to my parents?

Oh...

Put that in an email, for real.

- Please, I'm being serious. - Yeah.

Hey! What the heck is this?

We've talked about this a million times...

Boss?

Hi!

Hey. I was, uh...

checking my makeup in the good light.

Okay, fine. I was spying on the Sip and Snip.

I have a problem.

Okay, that's it. You're coming with me to Tai Chi class.

It'll get your mind off of things.

- Come on. - Tai Chi? Uh.

- Yes. - Oh, okay. Yeah.

No, it's-it's probably for the best.

Um, I think the guys in the motor pool

thought I was gonna jump.

Okay. Come on.

I know the CDC says we're not supposed to

snuggle these girls, but, boy, is it tempting.

Sorry about him, he got dropped on his head.

By me. Later today.

I needed a laugh.

Jokes are free, the rest comes outta your taxes.

Oh, so technically, you're my employee.

I have 4.2 million bosses as of the latest census.

I'm a very busy man.

Well, thanks for making the time for little old me.

Absolutely.

What's wrong with your face?

I'm probably just having a reaction

to that sparkling repartee.

I'm not gonna ask out a woman that we just

helped out on a call. It's inappropriate.

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating people

you meet through work.

I mean, everybody's so concerned about power dynamics

and making people uncomfortable.

You know what makes me uncomfortable?

Policing the heart, brother.

I'll ask her out.

Because the clock is ticking, and I refuse to debase myself

by asking the ranch for an extension.

Approach is good.

Let's just hope he doesn't want it too bad.

Oh, and she's laughing.

Oh, and he's walking back.

He didn't overstay his welcome.

Yes!

Not gonna break stride because it wouldn't look cool.

Going straight to the truck.

But I need you to get her number, I forgot to ask.

He's back.

So, the doctor's name is...

- Excuse me. - is Dr....

Come here.

Yeah.

Uh, we... we have a situation.

So, remember that stray French bulldog

we picked up yesterday?

We just neutered it.

Boom! Add it to my total.

Turns out it's not a stray, it's a prize-winning

breeder dog and, uh, its owner just showed up.

- Oh, God. - Okay, I just Googled it.

French bulldog breeders get $8,000 a puppy.

There's four to five dogs per litter.

That's... that's like...

Okay, baby, you're straining. Just know it's a lotta money.

You really screwed us on this one, Patel.

You were in charge of the check-ins, right?

- You dropped the ball. - But you are in charge of me.

- You dropped two balls. - 'Cause you're the leader.

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop!

The bigger thing is that Emily's gonna lose her mind

when she hears it.

But no one's gonna hear about this unless someone narks on us.

You gonna nark on us, buddy?

Don't threaten my boy.

But no one can hear about this, sweetie, okay?

Hey, again, just given our slight age difference,

it feels odd when you mother me.

Listen, we need an idea.

Yes.

What if we say that the vet found a suspicious growth?

Had to operate to save the dog's life.

I kinda like this idea.

What? Guys.

Faking dog tumors? That's what we're on right now?

- That's what we're on. - Dog tumors?

I know, I know, he's right. We can't do that.

Without Dr. Green's help.

Coming up on 5:00 PM.

You strike out?

Does that answer your question?

My date is running a little bit late.

In fact, I'm gonna send her another pin.

Oh my god, Frank. There's so many texts.

You got stood up, partner.

No! No. She's a farmer.

There's no service out there.

Yep. It's over.

Man, this place has it all.

Gym. Shower. Wine bar.

I might never leave.

I have a fun idea for us.

I love fun and your ideas.

Sunset horseback ride at Rutton Ranch tonight.

Hmm. Blah.

Why are you making those noises?

Yeah, it's not like she asked you to get a job.

I just don't vibe with the idea of riding animals.

It doesn't seem cool.

What about the three animals in that meatball?

Come on, I used to ride all the time back home.

Those horses never complained.

I don't know, I just can't.

You know, but I don't want you to miss out.

So why don't you take Frank? He's already got

the cool boots and everything.

I mean, the gift voucher would just go to waste, so...

Which technically means I just scored a date, so I win.

And by the way, I will be quoting

the movie Tombstone throughout the ride.

I don't know what that is.

Parker, you like Tombstone?

I love pizza.

Emily.

This is my instructor,

Sifu Gary.

Oh, it sounded like...

you said Seafood Gary, but that can't be right.

Is-is that right?

Sifu is like a title, like teacher.

Mmm.

Welcome to our class. - Thanks.

Bettany's here every week, right there in the front row.

Took me a while to get up there. I started in the back.

Then Diane got carpal tunnel

and I saw my opening.

Oh, um...

Oh, um, Boss, there's no phones in class.

It's a pretty strict policy.

Oh, totally. That... yeah, that makes sense.

Um... maybe we should have Sifu Gary

hold your phone until class is over.

- Oh. - I'd be happy to.

- Sure. - And your Apple Watch.

Okay.

Yup. And your tablet.

- Oh, wow. - Both of 'em.

Okay, just take the whole bag.

Oh, my gosh.

I haven't seen that much denim since we trapped that possum

at the Yellowstone viewing party.

Wait, they're coming over. They're coming over.

Howdy, partners.

- Hi. - Howdy.

Wow, you guys are adorable. Are you twins?

Oh, we're married.

Hmm, didn't say no to being twins.

I'm Paul, this is Sapphire.

Stop it!

- I'm Paul. - And I'm Sapphire.

Oh, you're kidding!

We're kidding. That was... that was not true.

Gotta keep an eye on you two.

Whoo!

Paul, get a photo of me

fake drinking out of the water trough.

- Absolutely. - Yes, Paul!

Whoo! Oh my god, so fun.

Wow, Paul and Sapphire definitely met

at a strip club, huh?

Maybe, but Paul's a terrible stage name.

Rise. Breathe in.

Sink. Breathe out.

Rise. Breathe in.

Sink. Breathe out.

Rise. Breathe in.

Sink. Breathe out.

Rise. Breathe in.

- Bettany? - Hey, it's me.

I'm on Bettany's phone. How's it going

at the Sip and Snip?

Sink, breathe out.

Uh...

Fine.

Wait. You paused.

Why did you pause?

Are you serious?

I'm sorry, I had to check in. It's been, like, an hour.

- It's been nowhere near an hour. - Bettany...

We're holding the moon, not our phones.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry. It's just that we were...

Maybe it would be best if both of you excused yourselves.

Diane.

Why don't you come back to the front row?

Enjoy your time in the sun, Diane.

It never lasts.

I am so sorry.

Dr. Green.

My guy!

Listen, hey, you remember that dog with the suspicious growth?

Yeah. That was... that was gnarly.

Yeah, super gnar.

Listen, I got this dog owner been hassling me.

You wouldn't mind saying it's that dog that had the growth?

Oh, you want me to lie.

Big time.

Well, I'd be risking my license, so... no.

Bro. Uh... okay.

I guess the dogs aren't the only ones around here

without balls.

Big Cat, Shred. Let's bounce.

- No balls. - Sorry.

So, do all Americans grow up wanting to be cowboys,

or is that just a stereotype?

I had Old West bedsheets.

Cowboys fighting...

other characters.

Do all New Zealanders grow up wanting to be Americans?

Until they meet people like Paul and Sapphire.

What do you think they're doing right now?

Probably finding out how much denim chafes if you get it wet.

This is so fun.

Parker never dunks on people with me.

Sometimes I worry that he's too pure for my black heart.

Well, opposites attract.

Except in nature and most healthy relationships.

Oh, shut up.

This is so pretty!

Must feel good to be up past your bedtime.

Yeah. It is.

Can we talk yet?

Or are you still afraid you'll say something you regret?

I'm okay.

I am so sorry that I got you moved out of the front row.

I know today was kind of a disaster.

I just, I need to figure out this delegating thing.

You're going bald, Boss.

I know, I did start plucking again.

Is it bad?

It's not awesome.

Mmhmm.

Since this merger,

you've been burning it at both ends.

You can't keep up.

And if that means you gotta delegate some things,

put Patel in charge of an event,

so be it.

But you gotta let it go.

Totally. Yeah.

I have no idea how to do that.

Sifu Gary says it all starts with the breath.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Everything's okay.

Patel's got this.

Miss Davenport, thank you for your patience.

I'm so sorry we had to neuter your dog.

I still don't understand.

For any and all questions, I'm gonna have to direct you

to our resident veterinarian.

- Doctor, um... - B-Cat.

- Dr. B-Cat. - Best in the business.

So, during a routine examination, we unfortunately

found that your dog's dangulus testiculus was,

in layman's terms, totally jacked up.

Dangulus testiculus?

Mm-hmm.

I don't know what the hell's going on here,

but I'm calling my lawyer.

Uh, Officer Taylor recently passed the bar.

He's our in-house counsel. He can...

Uh... yes.

But right now I'm mostly focused on maritime law.

Mar... what?

That's not my dog.

- Huh? - This is precinct 12, right?

No, this is 22.

Okay.

I'm in the wrong place.

Oh! Thank God.

I mean, as a doctor,

you would hate to do a neuter wrong.

That would suck.

Wow!

I'm gonna leave, but I know you're all lying,

and it's really messed up.

Oh, yeah, we know.

We are not good people.

- Oh. Oh, thank you. - Wow.

I was just trying to help my friends.

How 'bout that?

This cat's got nine lives, baby.

Yo, Derek!

Let's spin it!

- Oh. Oh. - Ooh!

So what now?

It gets darker, and then stars come out.

Have you never seen a sunset before?

You know, this is, uh...

- What? - Strangely...

It was really...

- Victoria! - Like...

Victoria! Hey, it's me.

Is that Parker?

Hey. V! It's me!

Victoria! Hey, Babe.

Are you being chased by coyotes?

What is happening?

I ran here, I couldn't let the sun go down

on my shameful behavior.

We met you while you were living in our friend's attic,

so you gotta be more specific.

Valid.

Okay, I lied earlier.

The real of it is, is that...

I'm actually really scared of horses.

You should've told me that.

Even though it's really childish and embarrassing.

Even standing this close to this huge beast

is terrifying. - That's okay.

Mostly because of the teeth.

But if my girl wants to go on a ride

then I wanna do that with her.

Stop.

Take my horse.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Ranch House is close, and you guys have almost

20 seconds of sunset left.

Come on.

Thanks.

Okay. Just, like...

I would've gotten here sooner

but I ran into this couple that was just talkin' my ear off.

Paul and Sapphire.

It was like running into the human form

of a sneeze that hasn't come.

- Baby. - What?

That was kinda snarky.

Let's go. Babe, what else do you hate about them?

I don't wanna judge, but sorta everything.

Yeah, they were awful. Awful people.

Ladies!

Welcome!

Party's, uh,

winding down, but it was a thorough success.

- Wow. Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

And there were no incidents?

No, we just, uh...

ran a little low on crudité, so that was dicey.

So, I'm just wondering then what this text message means.

- Maybe you can help me. - Sure.

Uh... I'm doing what I can to stop it,

but Patel is committing medical fraud.

Frowny face.

You narked on me, bro?!

I didn't nark on you, bro!

It was me.

- Big Cat. - What?

But it was your idea to be the fake vet!

That is disappointing.

You are diabolical.

This is about the emu, isn't it?

No! This is about me taking this job seriously.

My biggest flaw is that I work too hard,

and some might say that I need a vacation.

But that's not what tonight is about.

Tonight is about these dogs

and their nuts.

Thank you, Daisy. You have done...

- Oh, you're not... - ...such good work, you can go.

It's always about the emu, you son of a bitch.

You heard that, right? We all heard that?

- Is that... - She's obviously lying.

But I think it is important to reward

narking and punish those who don't.

-Which is why the two of you -No.

will spend all next week scraping the floors

of the rabbit pens.

Wait, wait, no. Sorry. Time out.

It just really doesn't seem fair because...

Okay, well, that'll be all.

Bro.

Just breathe, Boss. Just breathe.

Yeah, we're not doing that anymore.

Oh.

- Hey. - Hey.

Looks like we all had a rough night, huh?

Turns out you should break in a pair of boots

before walking across three miles of scrub brush.

You blew off the ride with Bonnie?

I did. Broke her heart before she broke mine.

I'm a complicated man. Don't get too close to me.

Well...

here's to getting back on the horse.

Metaphorically and literally.

Oh, and, uh...

Burn these.

It's too late in the game for an extra hobby.

Okay.

Hey, you don't have to do it now. Just...

You wanna have a drink?

- Make it quick. - Okay.

Um...

Right.

Okay.

What the hell?

Occupied.

Parker, what are you doing?

Only thing this place was missing was a sauna.

Not anymore.

No, the only thing this place is missing

is a lock you can't pick.

You need to shut this down!

- Actually... - What?

She's got bacterial dermatitis.

So, steam's really good for her skin.

Steam is good for our skin.

Us and them. You and me.

We're not so different, are we, lizard?

You're a real weirdo, huh?