Original subtitles

Man: Come in, control.

This is sector 4. We've got a runner.

Man on P.A.: Advise all personnel,

Anderson state prison is on full alert.

Woman: All units report in.

Man: Cell block "a" secure.

Second man: Cell block "b" secure.

Third man: Cell block "c"-- wait! By the holding pen!

Oh, no.

Man: Tower 4, do you have him on visual?

Story of my life.

Man: Code blue. Release the dogs.

Second man: He's over the wall!

Hit the lights! Lower! Get those lights lower!

Move it, move it, move it!

Shut the outer gates!

Timmy Taylor...

I don't see your homework assignment.

Uh...

Well?

Uh, so there was kato,

and my homework clenched in his teeth,

and I looked outside

just in time to watch him barbecue my book report.

And I had him cornered in the kitchen,

I was about to grab him,

when he spit it down the disposal.

And then kato snatched it off my desk,

ran off to the backyard,

and buried it god only knows where.

I tried to stop him, I really di--

stop!

But I was just getting to the good part.

I think I've heard enough. Thank you.

This is the third time in as many weeks

that you've failed to complete an assignment.

Now, Timmy, I think you're a bright boy,

and I have tried to be fair with you.

Yet you persist in these ridiculous excuses.

But, Mrs. Stevens--

no more buts.

You have a current event project due this Monday

that counts for one third of your grade.

Now, if you show up empty-handed,

this time have no choice but to fail you

and to hold you over for...

Summer school.

Too bad about bummer school.

I'll be thinking of you

when I'm water skiing

at camp granada.

Shut up, bazooka butt.

He's still got till Monday.

I told you not to call me that.

Besides, I bet he hasn't

even started his current event.

Did you see principal ott back there?

He's really got it in for you.

Don't remind me.

Shoot! What time is it?

Taylor!

Almost forgot.

Ott: Taylor, I know it's you!

I'm on to you, you little brat!

Where are you? I'm gonna--

get out of my way!

Taylor!

You come back here, Taylor!

Get out of my way, you little punks!

Get out of my way!

Radio: Here's the pitch to sosa.

Hey, son. How was your day?

Fine, fine. Can we go now?

Wait, wait. Get legs, get legs.

Yes! Oh, baby!

That's why Sammy gets the big bucks.

Taylor!

Come on. Let's go.

I'm gonna get you for this, Taylor! You hear me?

You better pray you ace your current event,

because if you don't, you're mine this summer!

You hear me, Taylor?

He's telling me about this diet he went on,

and he thinks that if I went on it

I would probably lose weight.

Dispatcher: All units, 211.

Possible sighting of escaped convict Carl banks.

Reported last seen on lyndon Lane and 53rd.

Be advised suspect may be armed and dangerous.

The house! The house!

Come on, let's go.

Forget the glasses, pretty boy.

We gotta go.

Ok.

1, 2, 3...

4, 5, 6.

1, 2, 3, 4...

5, 6, 7, 8, 9...

10, 11, 12, 13...

14, 15, 16.

Come to papa.

1, 2, 3, 4...

Scalise: You!

Nick!

Nick, he's out here!

He's out here!

There he goes! Come on!

Jeez! What happened?

He came around this way while you were in there.

What were you doing in there?

Get in here!

Oh.

Radio: Full count to grace.

Here's the pitch from dreifort. He swings!

Struck him out! The cubbies lose again!

So how did your teacher take the news

about your homework.

Not too well. It was all kato's fault.

Timmy, you've got to stop blaming the dog.

But it really happened.

Dad, look! That man.

Have you even heard a word I've said?

Excuses are like armpits--

everybody's got them...

And they stink.

You follow him!

I'll take the front!

Nice dog.

Ouch!

You little flea harbor! Get off of me!

Come on, you lousy mutt,

let go!

Stop it!

Aah!

Uh, did I say lousy?

I meant sugar boy, sweet boy.

Ha ha ha!

Ya missed me, ya little cat bait.

Whaaah!

I'm telling you, it was him all right.

Yeah, he ran off as soon as he saw US.

I don't--i have no idea. I haven't even seen him.

Hold on.

Anything?

Listen, call the man. Stall him.

Do whatever you have to do to keep him there.

I think this might be just the break that we needed.

Right.

Let's go.

Honey?

Reach deep into your hearts, my friends.

Hi, honey.

Hey, honey.

Did you remember

to pick up my dress at the cleaners?

Ohhh!

You're sister's wedding on Sunday.

I'm sorry. I for--

I'll pick it up tomorrow, I promise.

Hi, sweetie! How was school?

Timmy: Not good. Don't ask.

I tried talking to him about responsibility.

"Excuses are like armpits."

Well, it makes the point.

He just doesn't wanna listen.

Beth: Well, honey,

he's only heard it 17,000 times.

His father warned him, but he chose...

...He paid a terrible price.

Good afternoon.

I'm Sam Blanchard.

Our top story today,

a jailbreak last night at the Anderson state prison.

Carl banks disappeared over the south wall

just after midnight.

The suspect is 45 years old, 6 feet tall,

approximately 160 pounds.

Banks, you may remember,

was arrested for counterfeiting in 1996.

Police are offering a $50,000 reward

for information leading to his arrest.

If you or someone you know

thinks you may have seen this man...

Dad, it's...

Timmy, you wanna get that?

Hey, dude.

Mmph.

Hey.

What's the matter?

Ott didn't bust you, did he?

No, it's my dad.

He's just like Mrs. Stevens.

He won't listen to me.

Well, I got just the thing

to take your mind off it.

Janie Paulson's showing off nail Polish

down the street...

And I think it looks like rain.

Huh?

Heh heh. Come on, let's go!

Janie: Ooh.

That's a pretty color.

This is cool.

Ooh. I like that color.

Janie: Ooh. That's sparkly.

Wow.

Red leader, are you in position?

Copy, blue leader.

Ready and waiting.

Hey, Stevie,

how come our clubhouse doesn't look that cool?

Well...

Helps when your mom's a graphic designer.

Helps when your mom's rich.

We go on my Mark.

Janie Paulson, I own you.

Incoming!

Oh, boys...

I knew we should've stayed behind the fence.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to get Janie if it's the last thing I do.

Well, look what the cat dragged in.

Smile for the camera, girls. Ha ha ha!

You're all wet.

Turn that stupid thing off.

Yeah. No comment.

I told you to cut that out.

What's the matter, kato?

You ok, boy?

Buddy, put the camera away.

Stevie: How'd they know we were coming?

Maybe they're psychic.

Buddy: Maybe you're psycho.

Shut up.

Buddy: You shut up.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You guys.

Shut that thing off.

Let's get down to business.

Vice chairman Stevie,

read the minutes from last week's meeting.

Uh...

Let's see here.

We talked about summer camp.

Timmy brought root beers,

and Stevie-- that's me--

paid his 10-cent fine

for leaving the clubhouse door wide open.

Oh, yeah. We also instituted rule 409--

no ice cream in the clubhouse

on account of buddy's delicate condition.

Hey, I can't help it, doofus.

Bazooka butt! Bazooka butt!

Hey, I told you not to call me that!

Hey, guys. Guys, come on.

Can we get down to new business?

If I don't come up with a current event, I'm history.

Cheer up. I'm sure you'll think of something.

Buddy: Yeah.

Maybe that escaped prisoner

will come to your house,

take your whole family hostage,

and kill you in a violent blood bath.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, I saw that guy.

No way.

Big way.

We were coming home from school,

and he was running down Sutton street.

Then he hopped over a wall,

and this cop started chasing him, and...

What?

Cellular.

Oh, yes.

15th precinct, sergeant burger. Can I help you?

Timmy: Hello, police?

Let me speak to detective sergeant Nelson.

Sergeant Nelson, line 4.

Detective Nelson.

Yeah. I think I saw

that prisoner you're looking for.

That's great, great, great.

Can you describe him?

Tall, white skin,

bad complexion... Ooh.

Overweight.

Ha ha! Big belly, huh?

Ugly, and he must be bald,

because he wears a really bad hairpiece.

My goodness. A bad hairpiece, huh?

Did I mention that he's really butt-ugly?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he wears, like, this really fruity white mustache?

Uh-huh. Fruity mu--

Timmy Taylor, is that you?

Is that you, you little rascal?

Who do you think you're messing with?

Don't give me a hard time, do you understand?

Hang up this phone now!

Don't ever call me again!

And you, you're fired if you interrupt me anymore!

Oh, these kids are something else.

We nailed him.

Yes. Way cool.

Goofy dog.

Kato, what's your problem?

Guys, come here.

Oh. Well...

I guess our security system really works.

Help me get him inside.

Lower him.

Coming down.

Down more. A little bit lower.

Ok, all right. Spin him around.

Almost got him. Almost got him.

I got his head.

Come on, let's get him inside.

Yeah, ok, ok. Come on, buddy.

Uhh.

I wonder who he could be?

Maybe it's a bum.

What if he's dead? What if kato killed him?

So is he alive? Shake him.

I'm not shaking him. You shake him.

What a couple of wusses.

Buddy, you dork.

So I guess he's dead.

Help me turn him over.

That's him. That's the guy.

The criminal? Positive.

Calm down, Stevie.

I have to get this on camera.

Buddy, hand me that mirror.

I saw this on x files.

Saw this on x files?

He's alive.

Well, maybe buddy should give him mouth-to-mouth.

Shut up.

I got a better idea.

Ohh, that stinks.

Oh, man. What do you got, a demon in there?

Gosh.

I better go get my dad.

Wait, wait.

What if he wakes up? He could escape again.

Here, here, here.

Take that.

Ok.

Get his arm.

Dad.

Dad, dad.

Aah!

Ooh!

Hi, Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor: Tim Taylor,

how many times do I have to tell you?

If the door is closed, you knock.

Sorry, mom. Where's dad?

Your father is upstairs.

Mmm.

God, that tastes horrible.

Where the heck am I?

Why does my butt hurt?

Oh, shut up, you mangy rat bag.

Buddy: Hey, Taylor, your mom's a babe.

The next word will be your last, buddy.

Dad, dad, you got to come quick.

Aah!

Timmy, what are you doing?

Dad, we caught the bad guy.

What?

What are you talking about?

The guy from TV who escaped from jail.

He's in the treehouse.

And we trapped him.

Boys, I am trying to exercise here.

Dad, you got to believe me.

All right. Let's go.

Come on.

Need something to cut this with.

No! Waah!

Not again!

Aah!

Timmy: Come on, dad. Come on.

I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.

You know, I got a message on our answering machine

from principal ott.

You guys wouldn't know about a hallway prank, would you?

Wait until you see this, dad.

It'll make up for everything else.

Yeah, yeah.We could be famous.

Timmy, I really don't have time for this.

But he was just here, dad.

Honest, Mr. Taylor. He was just here.

That does it.

You don't do your homework, you goof around in school.

But, dad--

and now you lie to me. You are grounded.

Buddy, show him your tape.

Yeah. That's right, Mr. Taylor.

Buddy videotaped him.

Mr. Taylor: Is that Judy Robinson?

Huh.

I had no idea she was in such great shape.

Son...

Are your parents aware that you do this?

I must've not hit the record button.

Sorry.

Dad, come back!

Ahh!

Guys, come on.

Here we go again.

Come on.

Timmy: Come on. He's heavy. Come on.

Buddy: Ok, right here. Right here.

Down on the...

Ok. All right, down. Ok.

Legs.

Well, what now?

Detective sergeant Nelson speaking.

Detective Nelson, this is Timmy Taylor.

I'm sorry about the earlier call,

but this time, i--

Taylor, you've made your last prank call.

I'm calling your father.

Making a bogus police report is against the law, son!

These kids will drive you crazy. I'll tell you what.

Summer school!

I've got it.

Gentlemen, meet my new current event.

Your what?

Come Monday, I'll wheel him into Mrs. Stevens' class

and turn him in.

Have you blown a microchip?

You can't keep him here for 2 whole days.

Buddy's right, for once.

I mean, he's a grown man. A killer, maybe.

Count me out.

All right, so maybe you guys

don't want a part of the reward.

Both: What reward?

Think about it.

He's a fugitive from justice.

He's got to be worth something.

What's the plan. I mean, what now?

Timmy!

Dinner!

I better go.

Meet me here at 8 A.M. sharp.

I wonder what old ott the snot

will think of this?

We just need a little more time.

That's all I'm asking.

Just a couple of days, that's all.

No, no, no. I know you're not Wells Fargo.

It's just...

We'll have the money Sunday night--

all of it, plus interest.

You have my word.

Hello?

What'd he say?

We have 48 hours.

You had better be right about Carl.

Trust me. It was him.

You think he came back here for the plates?

Why else would he come back here?

Yeah, but I don't understand.

How's finding Carl banks going to solve our problems?

I mean, we owe 50 large to the Vegas syndicate.

Simple. We find Carl, we get the plates.

We get the plates, we print the money,

then we pay off our gambling debts.

Yeah, like they're not going to know

that the money's bogus?

Not a chance. Those are the genuine article.

I boosted them out of the Denver mint

about 5 years ago.

After that, we're back in business.

First things first.

Find Carl banks.

Who are you?

I'm Timmy.

I already know who you are.

Pleased to meet you, Timmy.

If you'll just untie me, I'll be on my way.

Sorry, but I can't do that.

I thought you might be hungry.

So how'd you get into my backyard?

Long story.

So you're a criminal, huh?

They say you're dangerous.

Don't believe everything you see on television.

Why are you doing this to me?

You know, technically, this is kidnapping.

I could have you arrested.

Technically, you're right,

but seeing as how you're an escaped convict--

whom you are aiding and abetting.

Not exactly, since I have every intention

of turning you over to the police.

It's just I have to wait a couple days.

Why?

Because I have a current event project

due on Monday--you.

Me?

Kid, I can't be your book report.

Book report?

You're the mother of all current events.

The only thing standing between me and summer school

is you.

Mrs. Taylor: Timmy, bedtime!

We can talk more in the morning.

I better go inside before my mom gets mad.

I'm grounded because of you.

Hey, kid,

you don't know what you're getting yourself into here.

Oh, and just in case you have any thoughts

of trying to escape in the night,

kato--that's my dog--

yeah. We already met.

He's quite vicious.

Night, Carl.

Kid, wait.

Ohh.

Timmy: Good night, Carl.

Come on, sweetie, lights out.

I was just, um, working on my current event.

Ooh.

Are you feeling all right?

Mm-hmm.

I'm just a little tired is all.

Well, come on, let's get some sleep.

Mom...

You don't think I'm crazy, do you?

Well, you do have a very active imagination.

Of course I don't think you're crazy,

but I do want you to do well in school.

Thanks, mom.

Good night, honey.

Carl: Oh...

So I wasn't dreaming.

What's with the reinforcements?

That's Stevie, and that's buddy.

Pleased to meet you.

Would you mind pointing that somewhere else?

Knock it off, buddy.

Ok, look, enough of this nonsense.

Why don't you just let old Carl go,

and I'll try to forget

this unfortunate set of circumstances?

No chance, slimeball.

At least not until after the trial.

Trial?

All rise for the honorable judge frito.

This court is called to order.

Bailiff, call the first case.

Stevie: The court recognizes state vs. Carl--

what's your last name there, Sonny?

Prosecutor, you know the rules--

no court TV.

Exception.

This could be the next trial of the century.

Carl: This is ridiculous.

The defendant will answer the question.

What if I refuse?

Ow!

Ow!

You little...

Banks. Carl banks.

Timmy: Carl banks, it says here

you're charged with 2 counts of attempted counterfeiting

and escape from jail. How do you plead?

Innocent.

Well...

Guilty with a reasonable doubt.

Your honor,

my defendant wishes to plead reasonably innocent.

Very well. The state may proceed.

Where were you Tuesday, march 4?

How the heck should I know?

You lie!

Objection!

He's badgering my client.

Chill out, buddy-- I mean, prosecutor.

Answer the question, defendant.

I was at a restaurant called Benny's.

Benny's?

Yeah. It's like a Denny's,

only, for wiseguys.

Permission to cross-examine, your honor.

Permission granted,

but with very little latitude.

Thank you, your honor.

So, Mr. Banks,

what did you have for dinner that night?

You kids are crazy.

I'm not saying another word.

Ow!

Ow!

How old are you, kid?

10.

Well, if you want to live to see a nice, ripe 11,

you will stop jerking my shorts.

Answer the question.

Pizza, I think.

Aha!

Your honor, defense wishes to plead innocent

on account of the pizza defense.

The pizza defense?

You were temporarily insane

on account of the pizza

affecting your brain.

Objection. Object this!

Counsel, approach the bench.

Before the court passes judgment,

will the defendant tell the court

who lives at 4521 lyndon Lane?

It was in your pocket.

Isn't that the old Johnson place?

Yeah, isn't that where all those kids

were trapped in the fire?

Yeah. Yeah, that's the place.

So answer the question. Who lives there now?

The guys I used to work for.

It was the headquarters for their counterfeiting ring.

But you kids stay away from there, you hear me?

What else?

That's it. I'm not saying another word.

Hey, where's my plate?

Uh, the court requests a recess

to further investigate the matter.

What have you done with my plate?

The court temporarily sentences the defendant

to the penalty box.

Penalty box?

Ok. My parents went to get groceries.

That gives US a couple of hours.

Stevie and I will go visit the old Johnson house.

Buddy, you stand guard.

Heh heh heh.

D.j.: That was ocean with I still love you

on Joe Willy's boss sounds of the seventies.

Here's another little ditty

sure to please all you frank mcdonough fans.

Yeah.

You like music, Carl?

I do...

Especially the oldies.

You know why?

Because it tickles my funny bone.

You got a funny bone, Carl?

I bet you do.

You see...

It's just a matter of finding it.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Stop. Stop it.

Be careful.

We can't go in there.

We're going to be caught, arrested, thrown in jail.

Got to be better than bummer school.

Timmy, I got a bad feeling about this.

Let's go back.

What are you in such a hurry for?

Doesn't look like anybody's home.

All right, but if we get killed,

I'm telling everybody it's your fault.

Let's go.

Whoa. Cool.

Think this is where Carl does his counterfeiting?

More like where he goes to dispose of the bodies.

What bodies?

Hey, aren't you supposed to be defending him?

Oh, yeah.

I know a guy who tickled his sister so much once,

she actually peed in her pants.

How about that? Ohh!

How about you, Carl?

Your bladder must be overloaded by now.

You must really have to go.

You haven't gone to the bathroom

in a really long time.

Heh heh! How about this one, Carl?

Tales from the urinal by I.P. Standing.

Ha ha! I just crack myself up sometimes.

You know, kid, you don't have both oars in the water.

Uh-oh.

Come on. Hey, partner.

Come on.

Get up. Let's go. We got work to do.

You know, kid,

your parents ought to get you into therapy real soon.

Now walk.

Where's my plate?

I don't know.

You know what?

I heard about a guy in the joint one time,

and they pulled his underwear clean up over his head.

What do you think about that?

You don't scare me.

What?

You don't scare me.

Oh, yeah?

Well...

How do you like the name...

Buddy 9-fingers, huh?

What?

He put it in his room.

Good, good.

Now, up, up, up. Walk, walk, walk, walk.

Step.

Up.

Uhh! Uhh!

Uhh! Uhh!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Get me down from here!

Let me go!

Let me go!

Come on, let me go!

Please!

Come on, man!

Hey, boy, come here.

Here, poochy. Got something for you.

Hot dog.

You want another one?

There you go.

Too bad I don't have any laxatives.

Buddy: Please, let me down from here!

I'll do anything!

Please! Hey, come here!

Carl: Ahh...

Yes.

Timmy, I'm scared.

Yeah. Me, too.

Quick, let's get out of here.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Timmy: There's no time!

Nick: We got a lot of work to do. We got to move.

This thing is heavy.

Gentle.

Hey, freeze!

All right, you kids, what are you guys up to?

Uh, nothing. Nothing.

We weren't snooping or spying or...

Breaking or entering.

Uh, we were just, um...

Uh, lost our... Football...

Detective, sir.

Yeah? So where's the football?

It's not in the back room.

He means it's not in the backyard.

I mean, we checked in the backyard,

but it wasn't there, so it must be next door.

Can we go now?

I think we better go inside and call your parents.

Nick: Hey!

Come on. Quit goofing off, partner.

Come on!

All right, you kids, get out of here

and don't let me catch you here again!

Come on.

I'm coming. Let's go!

Jeez.

Jeez, man.

Carl: Ahh.

Ahh.

Taylors? Up and at 'em.

Got trees to trim, grass to mow,

hedges to shear.

Pay dirt!

Gardener: I'm still waiting.

I'm still waiting.

Well, I'm just going to get started on my own, that's all.

We're not feeling well today.

Could you come back tomorrow?

Nope. Nada. No can do.

I'll double your pay.

Can't be bought, Taylor.

Time is grass, and grass is the only green I need.

I'll triple it.

In advance?

Just a minute.

I'll be right back.

* they say inside of every girl *

* is locked a precious, shining Pearl *

* like a flower that waits for spring *

* the right touch can mean everything *

* she must be reading glamour 'zines *

Mrs. Taylor?

* now the girl's a beauty queen *

* she's a plain girl

* mmm

* but she shop, shop, shops so good *

* she's the same girl

* I never notice like I should *

* it's amazing such a looker *

* was the way she was before *

* and all this time I took her *

* for the plain old girl next door *

* she must be reading glamour 'zines *

* 'cause now the girl's a beauty queen *

* she's a plain girl

* mmm

Mrs. Taylor?

Let's go-- weeds a-wasting.

Coming.

* she's the same girl *

sorry for the delay. How much do I owe you?

Well, let's see. It's 3 times 40.

Now, if I did 40 lawns in 3 minutes...

No, no. Is it if I did--

if I did 3 lawns in 40 minutes?

Math was never my strong suit.

Here. It's over a hundred dollars.

Just take it. Heh heh.

Now, can I interest you in some fertilizer?

Homemade-- full of nitrates.

Maybe some other time.

Heh heh!

Hey, isn't he supposed to blow these leaves?

Beth: Our neighbors complained about the noise.

That's great. Now we have leaves all over the place.

Timmy!

Timmy, help your mother with the groceries.

Timmy: Hurry, Stevie.

If my parents find out I'm gone,

they'll ground me for life.

Timmy, come help your father with the...

Groceries.

What a mess.

Somebody get me out of here!

Somebody get me down! This hurts!

What happened?

Somebody help me!

He got the drop on me.

I wasn't going to talk, but there was torture involved.

1, 2, 3.

Loud noises, dismemberment.

I told him about the plate.

You let him escape?

I am dead. I am so dead.

Beth: Tim Taylor,

get your butt in here right now!

Young man, your room is filthy.

How do you think you're going to finish

that current event in the middle of all that mess?

Hey...

I've got an idea for a current event.

Clean your room-- now.

Good-bye, camp granada.

Carl!

Mmm!

Chill out.

What are you doing up here?

And why are you wearing makeup?

Never mind.

Look, you got to get me out of here

before your parents find out.

So? At least they'll believe me.

I can't believe you tried to escape.

I'm an escaped prisoner. What do you expect?

Look, if your parents find out,

they will have me arrested,

and if I am arrested,

you can say good-bye to your current event.

You got a point there.

Let me think.

We need a diversion.

Guys, he's still here.

Carl?

He's upstairs in my bedroom. We got to act fast.

Yeah!

I got it, honey.

Timmy can't play right now, buddy.

He's got to clean his room.

Did you know your car has an oil leak?

Now, how'd that happen?

Rick, I'm right in the--

Timmy?

I just wanted to give you a hug

and tell you what a great mom you are.

You still have to clean up your room.

Hey, and don't forget

you got your aunt Rita's wedding tomorrow.

Sure, mom.

Ha!

What are you so happy about?

Uhh! Aah!

Yes!

Oh, no.

Ohh.

Ahh.

Ahh.

Yes!

Stevie: Hold still.

Ow!

Ouch! Ahh!

What did you use, airplane glue?

How do I look?

Like a movie star.

Yeah? Which one?

Ever see nightmare on elm street?

You kind of look like my dad's butt

during a hemorrhoid relapse.

Ha ha. Prison was easier than this.

You shouldn't have left, Carl.

Oh, sorry, I forgot to apologize.

Look...

All you got to worry about is summer school.

Boo-hoo-hoo.

I got a lot more important things on my mind--

like staying alive.

You have no idea who's after me.

Well, we got a pretty good idea.

We checked out the old Johnson place.

I told you kids to stay away from there.

You could get hurt.

Or worse. I know.

Timmy: We found stuff--

some kind of printing device

and empty ink drums.

Rolls of paper?

It doesn't prove anything,

except that you are who you say you are--

a no-good counterfeiter.

Look, do I look like a criminal mastermind?

For Pete's sake, I got caught by a couple of kids.

I'm a nobody. I'm just a pawn in their game.

Ah, what's the use?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

There were 2 guys there.

We think they might've been cops.

They were cops--

not the kind you want to run into.

They're the boss' partners.

He keeps them around to discourage the competition.

Look, you've got to let me go.

I can't do that, Carl.

Hey, I could pay you.

I could print up, 10, 20, $100,000, if you want.

Isn't that against the law?

Yeah.

I forgot about that.

Janie: Timmy Taylor is a goober!

You got to come down sometime, guys,

and when you do,

we'll be waiting.

Buddy: We're trapped.

Carl: Who's out there?

Janie and Angela. They live down the block.

Batman had the joker. We got Janie and Angela.

Timmy: Kato, you traitor.

Oh, come on. Don't tell me

you're afraid of a couple of little girls.

We're not afraid of anyone.

Yeah, well, why don't you go down and fight them?

Where I come from, we show the girls who's boss.

With what? All we got is balloons.

And the hose is down there.

If I help you get rid of the girls,

will you let me go?

No deal.

Ok. Uh...

Will you let me out of this thing?

Hey, look, where can I go?

Your dog is still down there, right?

I can't go anywhere with him around.

What do you say?

No tricks?

Scout's honor.

What do you have in mind?

Ok, look.

* forget about those comic books *

* and heroes on TV

* wanna see the baddest dudes? *

* then listen close to me *

* I'm talkin' 'bout my posse *

* they're just the coolest of the cool *

* when it's time to party, girl *

* you know we make the rules *

* you better just surrender *

* you better call your mom *

* go hide under the covers *

* till you think we might be gone *

* don't mess with US

* don't stand in our way *

* we're rollin' like a thunderstorm *

* and just might come your way *

* don't mess with US

* don't stand in our way

* we're rollin' like a thunderstorm *

* and just might come your way *

Get ready. They're coming down.

Carl: Say the word.

Now.

Aah! Aah!

Boys: Yeah! Yes!

* baby, that's when trouble starts *

* we're comin' up behind you *

* 'cause we've got all the smarts *

* there ain't no way to find US *

* we're nowhere to be seen *

* we just might want to surprise you *

* and listen to you scream *

Uh-oh.

We forgot rule 409.

What's rule 409?

No ice cream for buddy.

Why not?

Carl: Ahh!

* we're rollin' like a thunderstorm *

* and just might come your way *

* nobody knows

* the trouble I've seen *

* nobody knows

jail must have been pretty bad, huh, Carl?

Yeah.

Yeah, prison's a really lonely place.

Didn't you make any friends inside?

Can't trust anybody in prison.

You've always got to watch your back.

Good thing you're so tough, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm really tough.

What happened to you, Carl?

You remember the night

the old Johnson place caught fire?

I was there. I was one of the firemen.

Are you serious?

I remember that night like it was yesterday.

Smoke was as black and thick as coal.

Flames were lapping all around my heels.

My men and I heard screams

from the second floor, so...

We ran upstairs.

Place was collapsing all around US.

I kicked in this bedroom door,

and I rushed in--

yeah. And then...

And the floor collapsed.

Next thing I know, I'm looking up

from the kitchen floor down below,

I got a blazing inferno all around me.

I couldn't move.

I'd never been so scared in my whole life.

My men managed to get the kids to safety.

By the time they rescued me,

I was crying like a baby.

I just lost my nerve, I guess.

But you were still a hero.

Yeah, some hero.

Anyway, i--i could never do that job after that, so...

So I quit.

I had no job, no prospects.

Pretty soon my savings ran out.

I got desperate.

So, I...

Figured I'd try for one quick score,

and that's when I fell in with a bad bunch.

That's when I started, like...

When you started making funny money.

There's nothing funny about it, Timmy.

It's downright mesmerizing.

Every time we ran out of money,

we'd just print some more.

It was like having the world at your fingertips.

Anything you wanted.

Fancy cars, jewelry, champagne...

Women.

Let me tell you about the women...

Sorry. Ha.

Ha.

Anyway, uh...

We were--we were living a pretty grand lifestyle

till we started getting careless.

Then the feds started sniffing around, and...

That's when my so-called partners set me up.

So what happened?

I got hauled off to jail

by the same crooked cops I'd worked with.

But I outsmarted them.

I stole their money plates.

I hid 'em in the old Johnson place,

which is where we were printing the money.

So you escaped to get the plates?

Yeah. I figured i'd print up enough money

to get out of the country.

But before I could get the second plate,

they caught me.

So I just took off running.

Next thing I know, I ended up here.

Some hero, huh?

Stupid's more like it.

I've got a plan to help you, Carl,

but first, you've got to want to help yourself.

I appreciate you kids wanting to help, but...

I think it's best I just drop out for a while.

You know, disappear.

You can't just take the money and split.

Why not?

'Cause then you'll just be running away

from your problems.

What happens when the money runs out the next time?

You could end up robbing banks or worse.

Don't you see, Carl, if you don't stop now,

it's never gonna end.

So what do I do?

First things first. Don't get mad, get even.

You've got to nail the guys that did this to you,

and that's where we come in.

We'll break into the house,

videotape their whole operation,

then we'll grab the plates

and set up a rendezvous with the bad guys.

Tell them you'll swap the plates for some traveling money.

We'll alert the real cops to be there at the exchange

and bust the crooks once and for all.

Ready with the camera?

Rolling.

Ready, Carl?

This is Geraldo Rivera with another one of al Capone's--

can it, buddy.

Ok, back when I got framed,

this is where we--

I mean the scum I worked for,

Nick, scalise, and the head honcho--

made phony money. You see...

First, you need a press.

You put the ink on this,

you put your plates in here.

So, that's when they planted

the counterfeit bills on me.

And that's how I got framed.

You see, this head guy,

he's some bigwig public official, so...

It would've been my word against his.

I guess that's about the size of it.

So, what about the other plate?

Almost forgot.

Great. Won't they be surprised?

Man: They most certainly will.

Welcome back, Carl.

Ott the snot--

I mean, principal snot-- I mean...

Timmy Taylor.

I am surprised.

You two know each other?

Boys: He's our principal.

They let you work with kids?

It's the perfect cover.

Who would ever suspect a grade-school principal

of masterminding a counterfeit ring?

Which I almost had to shut down, thanks to you.

But that's all about to change,

if you'd be so kind as to hand over the other plate.

I don't have it.

Search him.

Nothing.

My Patience is wearing thin, Carl.

Ok, ok.

It's right, um...

Over there.

Run, kids!

Get them!

Ott: Get 'em!

Buddy: Wait! What about my camera?

Timmy: Forget the camera!

It took me 6 years without Christmas presents

to get that.

Timmy: Just come on.

Buddy: Oh, man.

You're gonna pay for this.

Get him out of here. We got work to do.

Come on!

Timmy: Hurry up. Come on, let's go.

Stevie: I'm going as fast as I can.

Well, step on it.

That was close.

You're telling me.

I thought we were toast for sure.

Oh, yeah, like we aren't already?

Come Monday, ott wears my butt for a hat.

Who's gonna believe US over him?

Maybe the cops will.

We tell them our story and then...

Then what? Without the tape,

they'll think we just made it up.

Would you guys stop and get serious for a second?

What about Carl?

He's dead for certain, and it's all my fault.

Me and my stupid plans.

Taylor, I know it's you.

What do you want?

You know what I want.

The plate for Carl.

You're in no position to bargain.

Summer school is the least of your problems.

I can make life very unpleasant for you.

What, you think you've had hard homework assignments?

I'll make sure you're old and gray

before you ever step foot out of the fifth grade.

I don't care. No Carl, no deal.

Now you listen to me, you little...

Ok.

Big putts miniature golf course.

2:00 tomorrow by the ninth hole.

Be there, or you will never see your friend Carl again.

Well?

Well?

We trade for Carl, tomorrow afternoon.

Excellent. Excellent.

Guys, where's the plate?

I didn't touch it.

Don't look at me.

Timmy: Kato!

Aah!

Uhh!

Guys, wake up.

I already went to the bathroom, mom.

Mom.

We can't let ott the snot get away with this.

What are we gonna do now?

We're gonna save Carl,

bust up the counterfeiting ring.

But first...

We grovel.

Hi, Janie.

You look really lovely this morning, Janie.

Yeah. Yeah, really lovely.

Really lovely. Ha.

You, too, Angela.

Yeah, you, too, Angela.

What are you doing here, Timmy Taylor?

Did you come over to apologize?

Timmy: Absolutely.

And to invite you girls over

for some cake and ice cream sometime.

What do you want, Taylor?

Your mom's a graphic designer, isn't she?

We need her to help US with--

she's not here today. She had to work.

Timmy: What?

In that case, you're still a couple of--

my mom did show me how to use her computer and stuff.

Yeah, well, you know--

I could maybe help you...

If I wanted to.

Uh, maybe we could make a deal?

Janie: Article 5, paragraph "b," page 12.

The party of the second-- that's you boys--

agree to transfer all rights

to Friday nights at the Taylor treehouse

to the party of the first-- that's me and Angela--

for purposes of slumber parties.

Enough already. Can we just sign?

Oh. There's one other thing.

In front of the whole school? No way!

I'm afraid that's a deal breaker.

Buddy: Dude, come on.

Well, all right. But just once.

Let's rock.

* I see you always working

* on your secret strategy

* I know you got a plan, boy *

* but the plan just might be me *

* I only need a little cooperation *

* you just might like our destination *

* come on, baby, let's rock *

* come on, baby, let's rock *

* come on, baby, let's roll *

* come on, baby, let's roll *

* come on, baby, let's rock *

* come on, baby, let's rock *

* come on, baby, let's roll *

perfect.

Timmy: Ok, I'll approach from the south to make the drop.

Buddy, I want you to watch my back

and cover our blind spot, the windmill hole.

Stevie, I want you in position by hole 9.

When I give the signal to buddy...

He'll signal you likewise, then you call the police.

Got it?

Got it. Got it.

All right, gentlemen, we have 3 hours.

Synchronize watches.

If there are no further questions--

there you are, son.

Come on, it's time to get ready.

Ready for what?

Your aunt Rita's wedding.

It's 2:00 at the country club.

But I already went to her last 3 weddings.

I've got to...

To what?

To...

Work on my current event.

And what is your current event anyway?

My current event? It's, uh, um...

I don't believe it. You don't have one, do you?

Well, it's too late now anyway.

You're going to the wedding.

Now, hurry up.

What are we gonna do?

Yeah, Timmy, what about the plan?

Just be there. I'll think of something.

Honey, you look great.

If you get cold, I'll come back for your wrap.

Ok.

All right.

You look so handsome.

You need to straighten that tie, sweetie.

I'm not sure if this cummerbund goes up or down.

Do you know?

For your sake, you better pray

those kids show up with that plate.

She looks great, huh?

Minister: Friends, we are gathered here today

for a joyful occasion--

the union of 2 people in holy matrimony,

bonding for life, sharing

and committing to each other...

Psst. Dad.

I got to go to the bathroom.

Can't you hold it?

I've been holding it.

All right, go. Make it fast.

Minister: Bobby and Rita,

recall with me the day you came to my office

and we talked about marriage...

Timmy: Buddy.

Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.

Come on! In here.

You sure this is gonna work?

Yes. Here's your program.

Hold it in front of your face like this.

Stevie, you're with me, come on.

It's about time.

What are you going to tell Vegas

if these kids don't show?

Do you have it?

Where's Carl?

Come on.

Give me the plate.

Carl first.

Same time.

Hello, police?

That's close enough.

Let him go.

Come on.

I'll drop it, I swear.

No.

Eee!

Let's get out of here.

Yeah. Yeah.

Ohh.

Get those little--

get 'em!

Aah!

Did you make the call?

Yes. They're on their way.

Go! They're coming!

Got-gotcha!

Hey, guys.

Come on.

Oh, yeah! Boy! Boy! Oh, yeah!

Hey, let's separate.

No, it's too risky.

Don't argue.

Hey, look, I appreciate everything you've done,

but get lost! Go, go!

Stevie: Oh, yeah! Boy! Ha ha!

Yeah!

Hey, fellas, I'm over here!

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Now kiss the bride.

Aah!

Rick: Timmy!

Timmy!

Then who--

what happened?

Who's that?

Who's he?

That's her nephew.

That's her son.

Is that the nephew?

So long, Carl.

Nick: Hold it! Stop!

Hold it, Carl!

Say your prayers, Carl.

Freeze! All of you!

Hold on a second. We're cops.

Now, wait, wait, wait.

I'm just reaching for my badge.

Here.

Oh. Oh, he's clean.

We got a report somebody spotted him.

I guess we must have got here just before you did.

He's a liar.

Shut up, you!

You're coming with US.

Ask him why he's carrying

a counterfeit plate in his pocket.

I'm telling you, they're dirty.

They're the ones you should be arresting.

We--we caught the suspect

trying to print up phony bills.

Hey, hey, uh, why don't we all go downtown,

and we'll talk this over?

Aw, now, look, I can explain.

Listen! You can tell me all about it

down at the station.

Let's go. Come on! Come on!

Let's go!

Doom.

When we get out of here,

you're gonna wish you'd died a slow death.

Ahh.

All right.

I want you to come with me.

Mmm!

Taah! No, no, not you two.

Him.

Ha! Hold on a second.

All right!

We took a look around the old Johnson house,

and just like you said, we found this.

Now, that tape corroborates your story.

And just as soon as we round up this ott fellow,

we can finally put a lid on this counterfeiting ring.

It's about time.

Hmm. Now...

Here's the deal.

You agree to testify,

turn state's evidence.

In return, you can enter the witness protection program.

Oh, we'll suspend your sentence to time served.

You, sir...

Why, you'll be a free man.

So as I have clearly demonstrated,

it is possible to clone a sheep

in the privacy of one's own bathtub.

On a personal note,

I wouldn't recommend that you try it,

because, uh, cloning can be kind of stinky and...

Well, uh, rather messy.

Thank you.

Thank you, Stevie.

That was very informative.

Let's see. Who's next?

Timmy Taylor.

Aren't you forgetting something, Timmy?

Your current event, perhaps.

I don't have it.

You didn't complete the assignment.

No, I did, it's just that...

Let me guess... Your dog ate it.

No. Actually, principal ott did.

Well, he didn't eat it,

but he was the master of the counterfeit ring

with Carl, the counterfeiter.

But he wasn't really a counterfeiter.

He was actually a nice guy.

And I caught him. Carl banks.

The guy from TV--the guy who escaped from prison.

He was my current event,

and he would have been here today,

except that principal ott caught him.

Maybe even killed him.

Enough of this nonsense.

Timmy, I'm afraid you leave me no choice

but to give you an "f" and to make you

repeat the course work during summer school.

Student: What's going on?

What's that sound?

Is there a Timmy Taylor here?

Timmy Taylor, get on down here!

Passport?

Isn't that the guy from TV?

Oh. I think you're right.

Is there a Timmy Taylor here?

Student: Timmy Taylor.

Word is that you lost your current event project.

Well, boy?

Ha ha ha!

I brought him back for you.

Here you go, kid.

And I didn't print that one.

Whoa. $50,000.

Hey, everybody, have I got a story to tell you.

Aah! Yay!

Yay! Yay!

Yeah.

Taylor.

It's time.

Not now!

Ugh.

Ew! Ew!

Proving that a little homework goes a long way,

10-year-old Timmy Taylor came to the rescue

of local law enforcement agencies this morning

in what police are calling a double sting.

He helped them

in blowing the lid off a major counterfeit ring.

After the arrest warrants were handed down,

police later revealed that banks himself...

Oh, my god.

Was instrumental in the sting...

He was telling the truth.

And will now enter the witness protection program.

Captioning made possible by trimark home video

captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.