Original subtitles

Do I know you from somewhere? Your face is erm...

I think I just got one of them faces.

- Still want it to stop? - Bloody hell.

I hear you been messing with my wife!

Scrap! Scrap! Scrap! Scrap! Scrap!

I think I'd better get you home.

So you can shag me?

♪ Doo doo doo Doo doo doo

♪ And then smiles

♪ And my heart starts beating I go weak inside

♪ Doo doo doo Doo doo doo. ♪

Oi!

- Kate! - Hmm.

There's a cup of tea here for you and some aspirin.

Please tell me we didn't have sex.

We didn't have sex.

So why are you 'ere then?

You were a bit worse for wear last night.

I just wanted to make sure you were OK.

Oh...

Oh, my God, did I try - and make you have sex? - Yes.

I am beyond mortified, embarrassed, humiliated and ashamed.

Am I that bad a proposition?

Look, I was completely wrecked.

Obviously I didn't mean none of it,

and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell no-one.

Don't worry, your secret's safe with me.

Yeah but don't make it sound like a "thing" now, OK?

There isn't a "thing."

OK.

Gotta go.

Right, well... Y'know, thanks an' all that.

I didn't do anything. Exactly.

Oh God.

Right go! Pop him. Pop!

Good moves. Up!

Pop it. Concentrate.

I thought it was one-two-left-turn?

Yeah it is, that's your right foot.

Oh yeah... from the top.

Do it! Do it!

Heads!

Oi!

Stop messing about! What?!

We're practicing for Gotta Dance - we got the auditions next week.

Never mind Gotta Dance, you gotta concentrate. Rugby.

Right, come in. Stop messing!

In.

Right, see those fellas over there?

Don't look for... They're scouts.

I'm in the scouts, I never seen them.

No no no, talent scouts,

probably from one of the big clubs,

looking for the next generation of new talent.

Let's show 'em what Pontyberry can do, eh lads?

Touchline and back. Go!

♪ Mr Writer

♪ Why don't you tell it like it is?

Please, go on.

Daddy, hold this thought in his place. I will return.

Paula, I am with a client at this moments...

I really need to talk to someone.

Last night was just awful, the reunion thing,

everything's just falling apart. I just...

Breathe, and hold it.

Breathe...

And hold it.

- Can I breathe again? - Yes, yes.

Now, you and Dai must come and see me again, yes?

Yes. All will be well.

OK.Mmhmm.

Here you go. Oh, cheers.

You've earned it, you're doing a lovely job.

Oh, Big Rae!

You seen my gloves anywhere? All I can find are Luke's.

Oh, drop it out!

That's what we used to call him, you know, on D Wing - Mrs Mop!

Ey!

What's up, missus? You got something to say?

Your gloves are on the hook.

Morning, gentlemen. - Hello. - Morning.

What d'you think then? Impressive, eh?

Yeah, very.

Not perfect, granted, but you know,

there's definitely something there to build on.

Yeah, well, from our point of view it's a prime site.

Sorry? The site, it's absolutely ideal.

Heads!

Oh!

Oh, for God's sake!

Right. Ommmmmmmmmmmm.

So, Chinese tonight, boys? As a treat.

OK, but I'm watching what I eat.

Don't wanna put on any weight before the audition like.

Turning into a right little West End - Wendy, aren't you? - Ha ha ha!

Aw, leave him be, mun. He's just dedicated, that's all.

Anyway, I loved that Billy Elliot, me -

especially the one who played the brother.

What is she actually doing up there?

It's a manifestation meditation - to manifest positivity into her day.

Me and Little Al are thinking of doing it.

Right, that's it, the world's gone doo-lally. I'll see you later.

See you. S'long, presh.

OK. Cheers, Josh. Yeah, definitely.

What d'you think? Nice.

You're not even looking!

Yeah, it's nice!

And you'll wear what you wore to the engagement, is it, Sun?

- Yep. - Sun, mun, I'm trying my best by 'ere.

You haven't had to do nothing for Saturday.

I done all the planning - me and your mam.

Least you could do is show an interest.

Sorry. Look, it's brilliant what you're doing -

Abhra's gonna remember it for the rest of his life.

Don't be a dick, he's only five months old,

his memory faculty isn't fully developed yet.

Oh, yeah.

I bet it's your mam about plastic chairs for the back garden.

No, it's from Leah.

"One-to-one tutorial moved to three o'clock."

God, it's boring being - a student mind. - Yeah.

Right, I better get him out of this before he's sick on it, eh?

This better be quick - I'm halfway through a pig.

Right, I now call this emergency meeting to order.

Alan has something he'd like to share with us. Alan?

Yeah.

Well, I'm sorry boys, but it's in the council's interest for us

NOT to renew the lease because, and wait for it,

there are property developers crawling all over the pitch,

eyeing it up like a docker in a strip club.

Yes, Alan, we already know that. Eh?

Actually, we were rather hoping you'd have some more information for us.

Oh, right. Yeah, well, there's two fellas, met them Saturday.

I thought they were talent scouts. Pink tie.

One of them drives a Volvo, I don't know if that tells us anything...

What's your cut, Alan? My cut?

Melissa must be giving you something.

What's Melissa got to...?

Oh.

Sorry, Lenny, but I need 20 quid.

I gave you a tenner this morning, where'd that go?

He needs a new coat, he's bursting out of that one.

In the bag.

Guard up! Guard up!

Ey! Just let her get the money out.

What's it got to do with you, Cinders?

Oh, have you met Cinderella? She sweeps up around here.

Wind it in, Lenny. Oh, sorry, pet.

Oi! Oi! Leave it.

Aw, who's this then? Daddy, is it?

Come to stick up for you, is it?

Surprising mind, cos I didn't know you had one.

I thought you was a proper Little Mammy's Boy.

Is that the best you can do, is it? Alright, alright!

Everyone calm down. There's a kid here.

You alright, love? Yeah, ta.

You probably don't want to hear my advice...

But you're going to give it to me anyway.

Lenny Mack's only got one way of solving an argument,

and trust me, you'd come off worse...

However much you like his girlfriend.

Who said I liked his girlfriend?

Hang on a minute.

Hiya. Alright?

- It's Luke from the gym. - I know.

D'you wanna lift? We got the car.

Oh, that'd go down well, wouldn't it?

"Alright, Len, just got brought home by a complete stranger, don't mind, do you?"

Be fair, I'm not a complete stranger -

just a bit of a one like.

Listen, I sort of know Lenny.

If you ever need a hand with stuff, or

just want to chat, you know, you can always give me a ring, yeah?

And how do I do that then...?

If I 'aven't got your number?

Oh right.

You were inside with him - weren't you? - Yeah.

I 'member seeing you sometimes - on visits like.

Do you?

Yeah, I do.

OK, well thanks for that. I'll see you.

I hope so.

Don't say... I didn't say a word.

We're not stupid, Alan.

When your ex-wife, the property developer, started to bring

potential partners round the club, we put two and two together...

Hang on a minute... ...and we got four!

We're barely on speaking terms! Everyone has their price, Alan.

You got to believe me - this is nothing to do with me!

That's what Judith said about his forty pieces of silver.

Who? Judith - Judith a Chariot.

Judas, mun! Judas Iscariot!

No, it's not.

This meeting's over then, is it?

For you it is.

It's 30 pieces of silver, actually,

and I wouldn't want them anyway,

not if you paid me!

You Judith!

Please make your selves physically open upon the bag of the beans.

I am sorry, Peschman,

but I'm feeling a lot of aggressive energy from Dai right now.

Hands.

See? Don't say I am not trying 'ere!

Ssssshhhhh.

Let's just focus for a moment, and breathe.

Close your eyes.

OK, Paula,

last time we were talking about unfulfilled lives,

about what you feel you've missed out on.

Yeah.

So, I've had a tattoo done and it's a panther, OK?

And later on I am going clubbing - deal with it.

I never stopped you getting a tattoo.

No, but you stopped me wanting one.

Hands

Me and Karl are knocking takeaways an' all that on the head for the time being.

The MSG. Y'know, whilst we're trying like.

Right, I'm not being funny, Nadine, but what was it you actually wanted?

Cos I gotta get on and I thought you had a tanning shop to run.

Sorry. It's a bit awkward, to be honest.

It's not money is it? - Cos I got none. - No!

OK. Well, right you've had two kids with Karl obviously...

Yeah...? And I just wondered...

when you caught, you know, when you an' Karl done it

and caught with Emma, and then Ben did it...?

What... position did you do it in?

Cos we've tried everything we have - missionary, doggy,

on-top-under, pulling the arrow, minding the gap,

double bridge, star-lock, hanging the cable,

oh, and the arctic wheelbarrow, and it just isn't working.

What? Hiya.

- Hiya! - Right, well I better get off. Have a think...

Give me a ring if you remember like. Right.

- Ooh, hiya Rob. - Hi.

When you popping in for that spray tan, eh?

You won't regret it, y'know. - Really? - S'long!

Rob wants to talk to us about - something, don't you? - Sort of, yeah.

Oh, my God! You haven't said nothing - to him, have you? - About what?

About the reunion - me being a dick.

I don't know what you're talking about, Stella.

I knew you'd come. Did you like my enigmatic text?

I thought we could go to the bay or something.

I'm not meant to be here - I lied to - Emma. - That's what you do when you have an affair, Sunny,

you tell lies - lots of lies. But we're not having an affair.

- Yet. - I'm telling you now, Leah, this has got to stop.

You're freaking me out.

I didn't mean to.

I just really like you, that's all.

Yeah, well, stop really liking me, OK?

OK.

Sorry.

Thing is, I'm gonna need someone to help me out -

to look after things this end when I'm back in Canada.

I'm gonna need someone I can trust. Yeah, I can see that, Rob.

And, y'know, I'm really flattered,

it's just I'm not sure it's a good idea me working for you,

even long distance... Oh, God, no. You'd hate it,

him telling you what to do on the phone every day.

And Bobby's asked me to help out at Simpson's for a bit -

they're having terrible trouble finding someone.

I mean, I haven't said yes, yet, but still...

I actually meant Luke. - Ah. - Oh, well, that's embarrassing.

- Oh, don't be silly. - I mean, God, what do I know about building?!

Well, and me! Dad, I can't do it, mun.

Of course you bloody can! I'll be on the end of the phone...

Yeah eight hours behind and 5,000 miles away.

Luke Morris, don't you dare say no. It's a fantastic opportunity.

Yeah, I know that. I just...

I don't want to let you down and Big Rae, I've only just

started working there.

I mean, will I have to give it up?

Not straight away, no.

And I admire your loyalty, I have to say.

Yeah, not a bad set of values for a boy with a prison record

and an absent father, Rob Morgan! Shut up.

There's something else.

I want to change the name of the company from Pontyberry Construction...

Well, that makes sense. ...to Robert Morgan and Son.

And I was wondering how you'd feel, Luke,

about changing your surname...?

To Morgan?

I don't know what to say.

Mam?

I think...

better late than never.

It's a brilliant idea.

To Robert Morgan and his son Luke.

♪ "Bom Bom" - Sam and the Womp

Oh, she's amazing, isn't she? Is she a bit loony tune like?

No, that's just her style.

You're right, you can get pineapple juice.

Cheers, Gareth. His name is Gethin.

Gethin, Gareth who's counting!

I tell you what,

that dance floor tonight is absolutely eeny meeny mackaracka

rare rye domenacker chicker popper lollipopper om pom bush.

Aw, look at you lot. Fair play.

It's cracking when girls go out on the lash with their mums like.

You think that's my mother?

Hiya, Stell!

Where the cock are you?

You were meant to be home by eight. We're getting Chinese, remember?

Nah, don't worry about me, I'm down Reflections with the girls.

What girls?! She's in bloody Reflections.

Jasminder! What? Jasminder's only 12, mun!

She's 17, you idiot. Anyway, I'm not hungry.

Don't wait up, I got a key!

Come on!

Right, I'll get the food while you go and pick your aunty up.

Aw Mam mun, that place is more like a creche than a club.

Exactly, go and get her before she's arrested for cradle snatching.

I'll be back for you in ten.

You sure you don't want a proper drink?

Nah. I'm on a bit of a fitness drive, I am.

You look pretty fit already.

♪ "Je t'aime... moi non plus" - Serge Gainsbourg and Jane Birkin

Paula.

Is that Yanto?

You were the best thing that's happened to me

since I got out of Helmand Province.

Is that your husband?

No... he's just one of my patients.

I'm a nurse.

I love you.

Yanto, come on. It was just a bit of fun.

I'm seeing Gethin now. Are you?

What?

Oh, my God!

I'm alright!

You've got all blood on your face.

Ey! Ooh, you're alright pal?

Aw, my favourite nephew, come to my rescue.

Come on. I'm gonna buy you a drink!

Sorry, no, I'm taking you home - strict orders from my mother.

No! I don't want to go home yet!

No choice, Aunty Paula.

Look, I'm 42 years old,

I will not be told what I can and can't do by you...

Then I thought, "OK, Melissa Williams it's make or break time.

"Either you stay with a man towards whom you feel nothing but

"intolerance and repulsion

or you get out while you still can, get fit,

"get fighting and launch yourself back into that careers market."

Cos I was getting fatter too, you see, Rob.

Obesity within the home is endemic.

Yes, I had heard you used to - look different. - Hmm.

I mean, I know you probably can't believe it looking at me now

but I was...

I was four and a half stones heavier.

Right.

So, what about you then?

I know so little about you.

Tell me what makes Rob Morgan tick.

Oh, you know... the simple things really.

I'm not a complicated soul.

Anyway listen, we should really be getting down to business.

I've been looking through these schedules and er I can't see...

Don't be shy, Robert.

I want to get to know the man behind that business mind of yours.

Who he is. Where he's going.

What he wants. Who he wants.

You OK there?

Is everything alright?

Yeah, she seems to have got something stuck... in her throat.

Hi. Aw, romantic dinner for two, is it?

No, Rob and I were just talking...

Actually we were introduced the other day, weren't we, Mel?

- Yes."Mel"? - Yes, that's right, and we just seemed to... click.

Oh, you never mentioned it earlier?

Excuse me, can I just check,

this is nut free isn't it? Only, I'm allergic.

I'll go find out.

Right, well, enjoy the rest of your evening.

Hope you don't get nothing else stuck in your throat.

I'm so sorry.

Was that a massive faux pas?

Oh... er...

I just need to choose my moment to go public on this development.

The rugby club is a sensitive issue.

It's going to put a lot of noses out of joint.

It's also going to put a lot of money in a lot of bank accounts.

Well I know that, but I think

Pontyberry might take a bit of convincing.

Stella Morris...

She's the mother of your boy, isn't she?

Luke. Yeah.

Still carrying a torch?

Oh, I doubt it.

I meant you, Not her.

Can I interest you in some more chilli beef?

Having a little party are we, - presh? - No.

Well, make sure you invite me if you do, is it?

You don't wanna be drinking on your lonesome -

not in your current state of mind.

Just that, thanks, Jag.

Hiya, love.

Aunty Brenda!

Designated driver, are you Karl?

No, what it is it's Nadine, she's trying to get up the stick, she is.

Yes, I had heard, my friend.

Oh Christ, haven't she given up yet?!

We've already done it four times today.

I don't know whether I'm coming or going.

Well, actually... Yes, I get it!

Alright, Dai? Having a little party are you, butt?

No, I'm not.

You'll all be joining us I hope for Abhra's Namkaran on Saturday?

Ooh, lovely.

Yes, that'll be lovely. Really lovely, and really nice.

Would you like a bag for that Dai?

Leave him, Jag, he don't want no bag.

Give me some of them pork scratchings, will you? No offence, like.

Might need a snack to get me through the next one like.

Having a party, are we?

No, I'm not having a fucking party!

Why is everyone asking me that?!

You know what, Dai,

you have got some serious anger issues that you need to resolve,

and getting drunk really isn't the answer.

Oh, yes, says the raging alcoholic!

For your information, I haven't had a drink for several days now

because I want to deal with my problems head on,

and not drown myself in a vat of self-pity.

"Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink."

Pontyberry cabs picking up. I'll be outside alright?

Hello, Alan.

Come to pay your Council tax?

No, I'm working actually, thank you very much.

Sorry, but I've got to say - something. - Oh, here we go.

What the hell are you doing with our club?

Why can't you just leave it alone?

I'm sorry, that's business, it's got nothing to do with you.

As a matter of fact, it has,

cos Dai Davies thinks I've done a deal with you to stitch them up.

Does he?

You?

Do you remember your savings account when we were married, Alan?

That big whiskey bottle full of 20ps -

nearly 18 pounds you managed... in four years.

Not exactly Lord Sugar, are you?

I'll get money, you know.

I'll take out a loan,

buy the lease myself,

keep your grasping fingers off it! On what you earn?

Bless.

Always the dreamer. Excuse me.

You don't get it, do you? People love that club.

They care about it like it's one of their own.

And you can't add that up in your little columns,

or stick it in the bank and make interest on it!

It's a passion, innit? It's the heart that beats

in the middle of this valley

and a few years ago you'd have understood that.

You used to be nice once.

Has my taxi arrived yet?

I'm just parked outside.

Oh, bloody hell!

This is an absolute travesty!

He's got more rhythm than you and he's been dead since Tuesday!

Let's take a little break, is it?

Boys, here's 20p, go and get yourself some sweets.

20p.

Oh, Stell, what have I become?

Normally I love choreography. I'm a natural with the dance.

I'm patient, and tolerant and passionate, but now...

Now I'm so damned stressed I couldn't choreograph

an ant on a sugar lump!

Is it work?

Yeah. Oh, it's all getting on top of me.

I just wish Paula would sort herself out and get back 'ere.

I miss her, Stell, to be honest.

I miss her and...

Well, so do people like him.

Right, I've been having a think about your little offer,

you know, to help out for a bit, - and I've decided to accept. - Oh!

As long as you don't go - expecting too much of me. - Oh Stell!

Like I won't work evenings... OK.

...and I'm not washing no dead man's willies nor nothing.

You... are a life saver, Stella Morris, do you know that?

He probably wouldn't agree with that.

♪ You say that they've all Left you behind

♪ You heart broken The poverty died

♪ Drape your arms around me And softly say... ♪

Paula!

♪ Can we dance Upon the tables together? ♪

Boo!

I been watching you!

Paula.

Please.

Join me.

Oh, OK. Yeah, I don't mind if I do.

I been thinking, y'know, about finding fulfilment.

Would you say you are fulfilled, Pesch?

Paula, one word...

Look beyond the wall.

What wall?

Your wall - the wall of Joseph Bloggs.

It doesn't matter whose wall it is, Paula.

We are forever worrying about our own problems,

our own fears, our own trials, our own bills.

Be a giver Paula...

Not a parasite.

Right.

Thanks, Pesch.

Toodle-oo!

Dad! I've tried and I've tried

and there's no way that sofa is gonna fit in the bath!

Jasminder, I am telling you, I've measured and I've calculated

and I've tried it myself, and if that damn sofa does not

fit in that damn bath then I'm a butcher's dog.

Coo-eee!

- Paula! - Hiya.

- Namaste! - Namaste!

Oh, this is lovely. Fair play.

Oh thanks for taking him, you're a star.

You can see how mental it all is. It's a pleasure.

I just want to give you time for yourself.

I'm always so caught up in my own problems, my own fears,

my own trials.

Maybe I need to look at what other people need.

I need to look beyond the wall.

Emma! How long ago did you take those bhajias out?

Oh, not now, Tan!

Right. There's a bottle in there and a spare nappy, but I don't think you'll need it.

We are going to have such a good time aren't we?

And you'll get back by half-one won't you? So I can get him ready.

You betcha bottom dollar, missy!

Hello-o? Sunny?

Are you up there, mate?

Hiyaa! You must be Mrs Choudary. Jasminder told us to come up.

Oh, did she, ah? I'm Leah and this is Josh.

Hi. We're friends of Sunny's from Uni.

Oh.

Welcome! Lovely to meet you.

Mum, does this Kurta...?

Loving the dress, mate! Sorry we're early.

What are you doing here?

Thought we'd surprise you!

Now, I would try you on the see-saw,

but I think you have to be about the same bodyweight as the other

person, so that's not gonna work

cos you only weigh about, what, ten pounds give or take?

We could try the swings

but I think you might slide out the bottom,

so that's not gonna work either.

Are you happy just watching? Cos I don't mind if you don't.

Never knew you were the maternal type Paula?

Yeah well, there's a lot people don't know about me, Rob Morgan!

Rob! He's too young for a cheeseburger, isn't he?

Yeah, just a bit.

Yeah, I thought that, I was just checking!

See ya!

Sorry we're late...

Some of us had to have several showers this morning.

Let me introduce you to my mum, huh? Nina.

She's come all the way from the north.

Of India? - Of Leeds. - Oh

Ey up, lass. Nice to sithee.

Excellent.

OK, people, let's get this namkaran started, shall we?

Please, come through.

You know who that is don't you? The mother!

Hiya kid.

Alright. Spine like elastic by all accounts.

Bloody hell! Hello. Alright?

The shop's closed early, they got a thing...

No, I'm 'ere for the naming do - Emma invited me.

How do you know Emma? How do you know Emma?

Oh, my God, you're Emma's brother!!! Mother and baby group!

Why haven't you called me yet then?

Bloody hell. Not very patient, are you?

I take it Lenny's not coming?

Nah, strangely enough, not really his scene.

Come on then.

Thanks.

Alright. Can I have a word? Yeah.

What the fuck are you playing at?

Oh, come off it Sunny, don't pretend you're not enjoying the danger.

Sun! We've got a problem. Aw, hiya! Thanks for coming.

And I'm sorry about the ball an' that. Are we OK now, you and me?

- Er... yeah. - Great.

Cos it's really nice for Sunny to have his Uni friends 'ere.

You look beautiful, by the way. Thanks.

Ems, I honestly don't know why - they're here. - Never mind all that.

It's all very well 'aving a baby naming ceremony,

but at the moment we haven't got no baby to name!

Oh, where's my phone?

Oh, look out there! Can you see the view?

Bless, he's watching all the view he is, Bopa!

Oh, we have really bonded.

Right, this is us now.

He's getting Christened today, he is.

Well I say "Christened," he's actually Hindu so...

Oh I gotta get this, it'll be his Mam.

Er, can you just hold him a minute, Bopa?

Thanks.

Hiya!

Don't worry, we're just getting off the bus now.

How are...? Shit. Hang on!

I nearly left my bloody coat on the bus!

Oh, sorry Ems.

Oh yeah, we're heading back to you now.

Sorry we're a bit late but we've had a lovely time, haven't we?

Emma, I'll call you back.

STOP!

Stop! STOP!

Just wait a few minutes.

Have I missed anything?

What in God's name are you doing 'ere, Robert Morgan?

It's for close family only, this Christening.

OK, "namka", what-yer-call whatever.

Emma invited me.

For some reason she thinks Rob's her step dad, doesn't she?

- Hiya. - Alright?

She's always been a bit - thick, that one. - Oh, charming!

Coming through!

She's cutting it a bit fine.

Will we be singing any hymns, d'you think?

Honestly, stop worrying about it!

I know, but I let you down. I'm so so sorry!

Fancy the traffic lights getting stuck on red like that

for a whole half an hour! Yeah.

Right, let's Nam it up!

Right, now Emma, whisper his name into his ear.

Abhra-cadabra!

- Abhra. - Aw cute.

Abhra.

Aww.

I just wanna say something...

Did I get it wrong? I did, din' I?

No. You got it absolutely right.

You did so well Abhra, didn't he?

D'you mind if we go? I'm not feeling too good.

Yeah, sure.

Hiya. I'm Stella, Emma's mam.

I'm Zoe, Emma's friend.

And this one's by the look of it. Yeah...

So, can I put him down for a nap then?

Yeah, come on.

Nice to meet you.

It's trouble ahead with that one, I'm telling you.

I think it might have already started.

Stell, I got a confession to make.

Aw God, you haven't slept with - Yanto again, have you? - Oh, dear.

No! The reason I'm late back with the baby...

Oh God... Go on.

I left him on the bus!

It was only for half a minute and Bopa Boyce was holding him,

but I'm worried it might have traumatised him

and given him abandonment issues.

I left Ben on a train once - - Bridgend to Port Talbot. - Did you?

He've turned out alright haven' he?

He loves stretching his arms out. Hates sleeping in the pram.

He's so cute.

Yeah.

Be lost without him, I would.

So... Y'know that Lenny... sorry.

It's just...

I didn't know Lenny that long, y'know, before I got pregnant,

and then he was in prison for six months so...

So, what you're saying is you didn't realise what a twat he was

until it was too late.

He's still Jack's dad.

Sorry.

I just can't stand it, how he talks to you an'

that down Big Rae's. I mean, why d'you put up with it?

Because he's still Jack's dad.

Things are never straightforward, Luke.

No, they're not, are they?

- Alright? - Yep.

Jag wants everyone together. He's got a surprise for us or something.

I better stay with Jack just till he...

Nah, go on, he'll be alright I got the monitor on.

OK.

♪ Nothing unusual

♪ Nothing strange

♪ Close to nothing at all... ♪

So which one is Bethan then?

That one. Beautiful, isn't she?

Let me give you a word of advice, Benny Boy...

Oh, here we go.

...don't give yourself to no woman, alright?

Cos guaranteed, she will break... your... heart.

Even if it takes her 24 years to do it, that's what she'll do.

She'll take it, and she'll twist it,

and she'll smash it and she'll crush it and she'll crack it...

Alright. Calm down, Dai, you'll put him off women for life.

D'you know about girls, Rob? Me? Good God no.

Yeah, he does, he's dating Little Alan's mam!

- No, I am not. - Are you?!

Oh, come on mun, Dai. Take it easy, is it?

I'm just having a drink. It's a party, right?

OK, everyone...

Time now for something a bit special, apparently.

Please put your hands together and give a warm welcome to

Jagadeesh Choudhary!

Hey, how you all doing tonight?

I'd like to dedicate this song to my grandson Abhra, who makes me very, very proud.

Well, shucks, you all make me proud, even my mother-in-law

♪ It's not unusual to be loved by anyone

# Dah dah dah dah dah!

♪ It's not unusual to have fun with anyone

# Dah dah dah dah!

♪ But if I see you hanging about with anyone

♪ It's not unusual to see me cry

♪ Oh Daddy I wanna die

♪ It's not unusual to go out at any time

# Dah dah dah dah dah dah!

♪ But when I see you out and about it's such a crime

♪ Dah dah dah dah!

♪ If you should ever... ♪

Lenny

Who are you?! Zoe's boyfriend.

- What's he doing 'ere? - Don't start... He's Emma's brother.

Yeah, right. Expect me to believe - that shit, do you? - Oi!!!

I said, "What is he doing here?!" Get out, Lenny.

What you say? What you say?!

I think he told you to get out. - Yeah, get out. - Shhh.

- I ain't going nowhere. - Calm down, bud, it's a private party like...

Don't get involved Karl, he might have a knife!

Where's the kid? Where is he?!

He's 'ere.

Happy now?!

This is Emma, and that's her brother,

and this is her family and you've just made me look really stupid.

I'm sorry, Em. Thanks for inviting us.

I've left him - the tosser.

Save it for the fight son!

Fight?! More like annihilation.

Well boys, it was a good effort...

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd

accessibility@bskyb.com