All language subtitles for Room.104.S03E11.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV_Track03

( music playing )

- ( wind whistling )
- ( door opens )

( door closes )

( static )

( switching channels )

( instrumental version
of "O Christmas Tree" playing )

( music continues )

( knocking on door )

( music stops )

You must be Jean.

I'm Louis. Please, come in.

I was... expecting somewhere

a bit more... grand.

It's our policy
to engage with the client
at their level.

You thought I'd be more
comfortable in a shitty motel

than a chateau?

Why don't you have a seat?

Took a lot of work
to track you down.

Well, we're happy
to have a high bar
of entry.

Any potential client
we want to make sure
is completely committed.

Oh, I'm-- I'm committed.

When I hear the Black Sabbath
album for the first time,
it changed my life.

Black Sabbath?

You've never heard
of Black Sabbath?

They're this awesome rock band
out of Britain.

I thought you'd be
all over that shit.

Oh, well, I don't really listen
to much contemporary music.

Right,
because you've got, like,

the whole back catalogue
to choose from.

( chuckles )

I bet a lot
of the best musicians
probably end up...

i-- in your place.

I'm not at liberty
to discuss other clients.

Sure.

But...

Robert Johnson?

Keith Richards?
Jimi Hendrix?

They're not gonna go up there,
are they?

Jean, why don't you
have a seat

and tell me
exactly what it is

you want
from this arrangement.

Everyone else
is partying all the time.

Sex, drugs and rock and roll.

All the dumb bitches

with their cars
and their boyfriends

and their apartments
and their... hairdos.

If they've got all that,
why shouldn't I?

Why shouldn't I...

fuck all the hot guys

and live in a huge house
and drive a cool car

and look great all the time?

I want to do that.

And I want to tell
all the dumb-asses
who ever got in my way

or told me no
or said I was ugly
or fat or square

that they can rot in hell.

I guess that last part
is kind of your call,
but you know what I mean.

Yes, I think I do.

You're not exactly giving this
the hard sell.

Not really trying
to close the deal.

That's not the way
we do things.

It's very important to me

that this be
one hundred percent
your decision.

So how does it work exactly?

Well, once you've
made your choice

and you're comfortable
with it,

I have you
sign some papers,

and once I have
your signature,

the transaction
is complete.

Do I have to sign in blood?

Ink will be fine.

Oh.

Uhh-- You might want
to read it through first.

OK, Dad.

At-At least
take a look at the--
at the last section there.

Item 6.1?

( sighs )

"Service provider
shall retain ownership
of the client's soul

for a duration which shall
have a floor of eternity

and a ceiling of... eternity."

And are you completely
comfortable with that?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's cool.

Uh, just forgive
my asking, but...

what are your reasons
for believing it's "cool"?

Well, I don't really
believe in a soul.

Or any of that shit.

It's Christian dogma,
I'm not into that.

Well, I would say that, um,

a substantial part
of our whole setup...

- is Christian dogma.
- Whatever.

You believe what you believe,
I'll believe what I believe.

Let's just agree to disagree.

Ju-- Ju-- Just so we're

crystal clear on this, uh...

ownership of the soul
for eternity,

typically, that duration
of ownership...

would take place
in the underworld.

Specifically, hell.

( laughing )

Souls? Hell?

You're really crackin' me up
over here.

OK.

Bring it on.

Fill me up
with the cash and the drugs
and the big, hard dicks!

Let's do this!

( door opens )

( door closes )

( heavy rock playing )

( techno pop playing )

( bubblegum pop playing )

- ( knocking on door )
- ( turns music off )

Jean. It's been a long time.

( laughs )

Same shitty motel room.

- Louis: So tell me,
how have you been?
- Great.

Yeah, really great,
as a matter of fact.

I'm pleased to hear it.

People are so snobby
about worldly pleasures.

Sex, food, drink, drugs,

sports cars, mansions, yachts,

helicopters, jewelry,
designer clothes, sex.

- Did I mention sex?
- Yes.

( both chuckle )

May I offer you a drink?
I have an excellent single malt.

Leonard, it's great
to see you again.

- It's Louis.
- But I was just wondering

how long this was
going to take.

See, I have a private jet
to St. Barts on standby.

Ah. Well, I'm afraid to say

I don't think you're going
to make that flight.

What are you talking about?

Well, Jean, today is--

how can I put this
without sounding clichéd?

The day of reckoning.

- The what?
- Item 6.1.

Per our agreement,
the company owns your soul.

And today's the day we...
cash it in, so to speak.

Let me put this
as simply as possible.

You won't be going
to St. Barts tonight.

Instead, you'll be
going to hell...

for eternity.

You're not serious.

I'm completely serious.

Well, I'll have
my lawyer look through this.

I don't know why
this is such a surprise.

You'll recall that
before you signed

I did direct you
to the appropriate clauses,

the terms and conditions.

Terms and conditions.

Who reads the goddamn
terms and conditions?

I don't know,
people who are signing away
their immortal souls?

But when I signed this,
I didn't even have a lawyer.

This is not worth
the paper it's printed on.

Hey. We kept our side
of the bargain.

You had 50 great years.
You said so yourself.

Now it's time
to pay the check.

Nobody likes paying the check,

but unfortunately,
the check must be paid.

And the payment is...
eternity in hell.

I don't think so.

I get this every time.

Every damn time.

Is it so much to ask

for someone to actually
read the words

that are written in a contract
before they sign it?

Apparently, it's the most
difficult thing in the world
for you people!

Look on the bright side.

You'll have lots and lots
of happy memories

to look back on forever!

And when you talk
about hell,

what do you mean, exactly?

Hell. The famous hell?

You've seen it
in the paintings,
the movies?

Is this that
ironic version of hell?

Like Homer Simpson
and the donuts?

Homer Simpson--

No! There's no donuts.
It's not ironic.

There's no irony down there.

This is never-ending torment!

With fire! Lots of fire!

They love fire!
They can't get enough of it!

Hell, though, really?
Hell?

I mean, with the flames
and the naked bodies

and the little red guys
with pointy tails?

That's pretty much
the size of it, yes.

And heaven
is full of clouds?

And angels with halos
playing harps?

I've never been myself,
but from what I understand,

that's pretty much it.

Well, I'm not buying it.

Would you like
to see a preview?

A preview?

- ( hissing, demonic music )
- Oh, Jesus!

- ( voices screaming )
- Jesus fucking Christ!

( screams continue )

( vomiting )

Ohh. Ohh. Ohh.

So as I was saying--

I didn't realize!

I-I didn't realize!

Yeah, I'd like to say that
you get used to it eventually,

but I don't think
you really ever do.

And that happens
for eternity?

- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my God.

Jean...

I know this may look harsh
or unfair,

but remember, everyone's
down there for a reason.

Either they sold their souls
for earthly pleasures
like you did,

or they were just...
major league assholes.

Well, this is
not gonna happen.

Jean, it's what
always happens.

Well, not with me.

George, it's Jean.

I have this contra-- Hey!

I've watched a thousand lawyers
read a thousand contracts

in a thousand
different languages,

many of which
have since died out.

There's no loophole.
You sold your soul.

And you're going to hell.
Forever.

The end.

Look, Jean, you had
50 great years.

Some people don't get
50 great minutes!

- ( sighs )
- What are you sighing about?

I'm the one
that's going to hell.

Do you know
how depressing it is

to send people
to ceaseless torment

on a regular basis?

It's a real bummer.

Ohh. I'm so sorry.

Are you getting blisters
on your hands

from all
the pitchfork-wielding?

- Poor you.
- Yeah. You asked for it.

You literally
signed up for it.

But you're all stupid,
mostly.

You regret it at the end,

and then you come back
with cirrhosis of the liver

and a trail
of broken relationships.

I don't have either.

And I've had a really,
really good time.

I must say it took me a while
to get used to it,

but once I got into
the swing of it,

I must say I loved it.

Being a hard-headed,
hedonistic asshole

really worked for me.

Well, I'm certainly glad
you made the most of it.

There was a turning point,

a moment when things
really became clear to me.

I was fucking this guy,
and fucking with his head,

he was crying and begging,

and I realized
that I had a choice.

I could be sympathetic,
or I could just not give a shit,

turn my compassion off
like a light switch.

And I chose option two.

So I went on fucking him
and fucking with him

until I got bored,
and then I tossed him away.

I never turned that switch
back on.

And I did some terrible things.

That was just the beginning.

I did awful things.
Really bad. Terrible.

Really evil.

( chuckles ) Oh, boy.

( laughs )

I thought you'd
be interested in this,

being the devil and everything.

I'm not the devil,
I just work for the devil.

- Oh, so you're a demon?
- What?

No! I'm not a demon!
Fuck those assholes!

I'm more of an executive
assistant to the devil.

- Cool.
- Yeah, it was cool...

at first.

But a few millennia on,

and I'm really just
so tired of the whole thing,

if I'm honest.

I thought I was
cut out for this,

but I have bad dreams.

Horrible dreams.
Every night.

All this damnation,
it doesn't...

sit well with me.

My digestion
is shot to fuck.

( sighs ) I just
don't know how much longer

I can keep doing this.

Well, if sending people to hell
is making you feel so bad,

I have a suggestion.

- Stop. Just say no.
- Take my word for it.

Eternal damnation
would be a day at the beach

compared to what
he would do to me
if I walked out.

Well...

you know,
maybe there's an answer--
for both of us.

What?

Well, how about
if I took over?

Took over?

I could take over
your job as demon...

- I'm not a demon.
- ...and then you could retire

and take up waterskiing
or whatever.

Think about it.
It's a win-win.

I mean, you wouldn't be
crucified for leaving your post,

and I would avoid
an eternity of torment.

Maybe...
it's a possibility.

You would be
directly involved

in a vast amount
of suffering.

I'm not sure any human being
could deal with that.

Well, I'm not
your average human being.

I've been in training for this
my whole life.

And I feel so connected
to your brand--
the whole evil thing.

I mean, it's really me.

OK, I get that you're
a sociopathic narcissist.

But for something
like this,

you'd really need
to crank it up

- to the next level.
- Bring it on.

Because if you
take the job

and then decide
you can't handle it,

that would rebound
very badly on me.

How about
you let me prove myself?

How do you mean?

Dustin! Dustin?

( door opens )

I just got off the phone
with the air strip

- and the pilots on standby--
- No. Don't worry about that.

- Jean: Come on in.
- ( door closes )

This is Louis.
Louis, Dustin.

Hi there.

Would you like a drink?

- Oh, no, I'm--
- Louis and I

have been discussing
a very interesting
career opportunity.

- For me.
- OK.

I know how
supportive you've been
to me in my career,

and I know that you would
want me to pursue any
opportunities that came my way.

Uh, yeah, I'd be happy to help
in any way that I can.

Wonderful.

Louis and I want
to give you an opportunity

to experience something

that millions have argued about
for millennia.

Think of it as a reward
for your years of service.

Now finish your drink,

and I'm going to start you
on your fantastic voyage.

In a moment I'm going to ask
you to open the bathroom door.

And when you do,
you will be amazed
at what you see.

Amazed and astonished.

But first I just want
to tell you how pleased I am

to have been working with you
over the last two years.

- It's been five, actually--
- And I just want to thank you

for your patience
and your forbearance.

OK.

( hissing, screaming )

Oh!

Dustin:
What are you doing?!

Do I get the job?

Well...

Take my Porsche.

Drive it to the airport,

and take the jet
to St. Barts.

Take a mansion.
Take all my mansions!

Oh, seriously,
I am so up for this.

It's empowering!
It's exhilarating.

I finally found the job for me!

Uh... let me just
ask my supervisor.

- He's OK with it.
- Yes!

( both laughing )

Oh, boy, um--

Oh. There's a lot
of politics, OK?

Everyone's always
jockeying for position.

They want to be
the boss's best buddy,

they're trying to get in
with the guys in
the ninth circle.

Just watch your back,
that's all I'm saying.

- Good luck!
- Thank you! You too!

- ( knocking on door )
- Oh, who's that?

Shit!
It's my next appointment.

No, it's my first
appointment!

Oh-- ( laughs )

- Hi! Come on in!
- Hi.

Oh. I thought
there'd only be one
of you here.

There is. Me!
I'm Jean.

Louis was just about
to take off.

Another customer
about to be satisfied.

So you're a musician.

Yep, that's why
I'm doin' this.

I just wanna be
the greatest rock star
on the planet, ya know?

Ah. Well,
good luck with that.

She doesn't need luck.
She has us.

- I don't actually drink.
- You don't drink?

No, I'm straight edge.
I'm just all about
the music.

Well, what's the point
of being a musician

if you don't use it
to get fucked?

In every sense
of the word.

I just love playing,

and I wanna be
the best that I can be

and for everyone to hear it.

( laughs )
How incredibly noble.

Beth, right?

- Yeah, sit down for a sec.
- OK.

I have to ask you.

If it's all about the music
for you,

why do this?

Why not just
practice even harder?

She wants to take
the fast track, Louis.

That's what it is.
I mean,

why take the stairs
when you can take
the elevator?

Ah, but the elevator
doesn't just go up,

it also goes down.

Beth has made a great effort
to come here tonight

and sign a deal.

Now, you and I have
already made our deal.

So I think it's only right
that you left

so that Beth and I
can do ours.

I guess I'm just
very ambitious.

And with streaming,
it's really hard

to get a major label
to back you.

I'm on Bandcamp
and SoundCloud and--

I'm just looking for
all the help I can get,
you know?

Well, what if you approached
some of the mini-majors,
you know?

Because they can
get your stuff--

She wants to take
the elevator!

She's been very clear
about that.

She's always been
a "fuck the stairs"
kind of girl.

Now, I'm cool with that,
and Beth is cool with that.

The only one apparently
not cool with that is you.

And I think it's time now
that you fuck off

and let Beth and I start
the adventure of a lifetime.

You don't need to worry
about reading the boring
terms and conditions.

Just sign, and know
that we will just be amazed
at your talent.

( wind whistling )

Hey, um, Beth,
before you sign that,

I do have to get out of here,
but I just have a--

it's kind of
a weird favor.

Um, I would love to experience
your musical talent firsthand.

So... would you sing me a song?

Which one
did you have in mind?

Oh, um, how about
"O Christmas Tree"?

Sure. It's...
seasonal, I guess.

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪

♪ Not only green ♪

♪ When summer's here ♪

♪ But also when ♪

♪ 'Tis cold and drear ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ Thy leaves are so unchanging ♪

- I mean, she's pretty good.
- Don't be a pussy.

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ Much pleasure
thou canst give me ♪

♪ How often has
the Christmas tree ♪

♪ Afforded me
the greatest glee ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ Much pleasure
thou canst give me ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ How richly God
has decked thee ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree ♪

♪ How richly God
has decked thee ♪

WOMAN:
I think I found something.

Or it found me.

-♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
-(GASPS SOFTLY)

Fuck!

No, no, no. Hold on, hold on.
No.

Do not disturb.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪