Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

MIRIAM: Helga!

Could you bring in the mail?

Please?

All right, Mother!

Will my toil never cease?

Hey, what's this?

"You are cordially invited to attend a magic show today at 2:00.

"The great Arnoldini will perform."

Arnold? A magician?

How utterly appropriate.

Arnold, my love,

weaving magical spells around my heart.

This I gotta see.

Mmm.

Helga, you're not going out, are you?

I got plans.

Oh, but it's your father's birthday!

HAROLD: Hey, Sid, where's the so-called magician?

Come on, let's go. I paid for this show.

Paid for it?

It's free, you bonehead!

Hey Arnold, get out here.

One side. Out of my way!

Hey, Phoebe, where's my seat?

Well, I tried to save you one, but you weren't around.

So, I figured you'd find your own.

Oh, is that what you figured, huh?

I can't believe you! You can't even save me a seat?

Is that asking so much?

You do everything wrong, Phoebe. Everything.

Sorry, Helga!

Move your butt, pink boy!

Ow! You're in my seat.

Hey!

And now, the amazing

Arnoldini!

Oh, brother, we're living in Geeksville.

PHOEBE: I think he looks highly professional.

What, are you blind?

Two pigeons just flew out of his pants.

For my first trick,

I will turn this water into steam

using only this hot-plate.

(BOOING)

An ordinary pencil. Or is it?

Presto Frangelico!

Pencil turned into rubber!

(BOOING)

Oh, that's the oldest trick in the book!

What else you got in your repertoire, football head?

Arnold, maybe we should move to the grand finale.

Good idea.

Ladies and gentlemen,

now for the most fantabulous feat of fine finesse ever formulated!

Oh, forget it!

I will make a volunteer from this very audience

disappear!

Who's gonna do it?

How about Helga?

ALL: Yeah!

Make Helga disappear!

ALL: Make Helga disappear! Make Helga disappear!

Make Helga disappear!

All right, you bunch of clods! I'll do it.

I'll go in the stupid box.

You don't have to do anything.

Just stand right here.

Hmph! "Arnoldini."

You couldn't make an ant disappear!

Helga, for once in your life, would you just go along with this?

Flanders fun McBoing Boing whiplash,

spirits make Helga disappear in a big flash!

ALL: Ooh!

Yay!

Oh, come on!

What a cheap trick.

Man, Arnold, I wish we could really make Helga disappear.

Oh, that's funny.

That's very funny!

Hmm.

I'll show that Arnold-weenie a little trick of my own.

Dastardly do-right burns in rubble,

send Helga Pataki back on the double!

Uh, there seems to be a technical problem here.

Let's try again. Send Helga Pataki back on the double!

HELGA: Uh-oh. (KIDS GRUMBLING)

Now who's a magician?

Hmm, but the downside is,

when everybody sees that I'm gone,

they'll be so, so sad.

Boo-hoo!

And then Arnold will be arrested.

Search parties will be formed on every continent. (WIND HOWLING)

Crowds of strangers will comfort each other,

weeping openly like babies.

What a bunch of geeks.

(KIDS GRUMBLING)

(GIGGLES) Yeah, what a great trick.

I really fooled 'em.

They'll all miss me. They'll all...

What's the big idea...

What?

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

WOMAN: Jake, come on we're gonna be late for the rehearsal.

This is great! Everyone got the day off today.

What's going on?

Hey, victim! I'm over here.

Oh, my gosh, what's happening?

Am I a ghost or something?

Hey, if I'm a ghost, I can fly!

(CRASHES) (GRUNTS)

MAN: Who's that girl?

Okay, I'm not a ghost.

But if I'm not a ghost,

then what's going on?

GIRL'S VOICE: Doi! Doi! Doi!

Doi! Move it, bucko! Move it, bucko!

Doi! Move it, bucko!

Move it, bucko! Move it, bucko!

Phew!

(CROWD CHANTING) No more Helga!

Oh, yeah?

Come over here and say that, you...

Oh, yeah. I'm a ghost.

They can't hear me.

I can't believe it. They're happy I'm gone?

Everybody was supposed to miss me!

This can't be happening.

Okay, get a grip, Helga girl.

Somebody's got to miss you.

I know! Big Bob and Miriam.

Mom, Dad!

(DOOR SHUTS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Sounds like it's coming from my room.

What in the name of creation is going on here?

What have you done to my room?

This has been the best birthday I could ever have imagined.

Nothing was missing.

Everything was perfect.

I'm so glad you're happy.

And the best present of all is that Helga isn't around anymore.

She doesn't care about me and my birthday.

Yes, it's too bad about Helga.

But it isn't it amazing

how my inner creativity has been unleashed lately?

Yes, darling.

And since I don't have to support Helga anymore,

I have been able to give up selling beepers

and return to my first love.

The harp.

My parents,

actually happy together?

And they don't miss me at all.

I can't believe this is happening.

Gross!

Phoebe. My best friend, Phoebe.

Yeah, Phoebe will miss me.

Phoebe, old pal. It's me!

(GIGGLING) Phoebe?

Oh, Gloria, you're the best friend I've ever had!

"Gloria"? Who's Gloria?

This chump, is this Gloria?

And I've saved a special seat for you, right next to me,

because you're my newest and best friend in the whole world.

BOTH: Aww!

Have some of the cookies I baked you!

Thank you!

My old best friend never made me cookies.

She wasn't very nice.

I don't think she even liked me that much.

What was her name?

Who? Me!

Your old best friend?

Oh! Uh... Wait. Um...

Helga!

Hera? Helga!

No, no, no. Henrietta?

No, Helga!

No, that wasn't it.

Oh, well, who cares.

(SCREAMS)

I'm Helga!

Somebody remember me!

Somebody miss me!

Hey Sid, Gerald, you miss me, don't you?

I... I just saw you today.

Sid? Gerald?

And remember, if you're out three times, you're the Helga.

And when it's your turn to chase the other kids and make them cry,

you're also the Helga.

What about when you're back in the game

and everybody likes you again?

Then you're the Gloria.

Cookies, anyone?

(SCREAMS)

I never knew people didn't like me.

(WIND HOWLING)

I can't believe it.

Absolutely no one misses me.

(CHEERING ON TV)

Arnold?

MAN: We're talking with magician, the amazing Arnoldini,

whose career took off like a rocket after he made Helga Pataki disappear.

Arnold, how does it feel being a celebrity?

Oh, well, I don't know.

I guess it's all right.

Let me ask you this, do you miss Helga?

Oh, not really.

Would you miss someone who went around calling you a football head all the time?

Uh, no I wouldn't. Say, Arnold,

is this a special friend you have with you?

As a matter of fact, this is my very special friend,

Ruth.

And I'd like to take this opportunity

to announce to the entire world

that Ruth and I are to be married.

(CROWD CHEERING)

No!

No! Huh?

It was all a dream.

But it was so real!

It was like no one cared I was gone, because...

Because maybe I was too mean to them.

Maybe I should have cared about my father and his birthday.

And maybe I shouldn't have been so hard on Phoebe so often.

And Arnold, poor Arnold!

I mocked him and ridiculed him.

I must apologize.

ARNOLD: All magicians know, that it takes, uh...

Forty-eight attempts to bring someone back.

So finally,

here she is, Helga!

Ta-da!

ALL: Yay! KID: Way to go!

Thank you, thank you!

And a special thanks to my best friend, Phoebe.

(CHUCKLES) Thank you, Helga.

Thank you, Arnold. You're quite a magician.

And I want to tell all of you how sorry I am

for all the bad things I've ever done.

I mean, I've been domineering, cruel,

bossy... Intermission!

Free Yahoo sodas over here!

ALL: Yahoo! Yahoo!

Hey, you slobs,

I'm apologizing up here!

(KIDS CHEERING)

Arnold, I'm sorry I made fun of your magic

and the shape of your head.

And I wanted to tell you something.

What I'm trying to say is...

You already wrecked my last trick!

But, I was gonna say...

What? I'm listening.

Well, I was gonna say that...

That...

You're a wooden-headed geek!

Magic! Hah! What a joke.

(SIGHS)

HELGA: Arnold!

(LOW BEEPING)

Arnold.

Arnold.

Arnold!

Hey, Arnold!

Huh?

Move it, football head, you're up!

Wind's in the east.

I should probably shoot for the gap between second and third.

Just try not to get hit, okay?

Yeah. Good strategy.

Okay, move it, this guy can't hit.

No stick, no stick.

Ooh, look who's up.

It's Arnold!

Come on, Arnold! Paste it!

Thought you'd come play a little baseball, huh, Arnold?

Just throw the ball, blimpo!

Hey, don't call me blimpo.

I have a gland problem.

Strike one!

Boy! What a good swing, Arnold!

What powerful arms!

Come on, come on!

All right, already, keep your shirt on, Helga.

For all our sakes.

Strike two!

Ooh, good one!

Who taught you to bat, anyway?

Your puny grandma?

(LAUGHTER)

(KIDS JEERING)

Just throw it.

KID: Whoa! Harold! You all right?

Say something, pink boy!

Good night, Mommy!

Wh... What? What happened?

Arnold beamed you.

Who?

Arnold.

Well, it was just a lucky swing.

(CAT YOWLS)

KID: Whoa!

ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Wait, don't touch him.

ALL: Ooh!

Why not?

Well, um...

Because you want to wait a day. That's why.

I do?

Yeah, you know, let him dangle a while.

Make him think about what he did to you.

Make him think what he did. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Here's the deal.

Tomorrow, Arnold. Right here!

It's clobbering time!

HAROLD: Yeah! (LAUGHS)

ALL: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Hey, wait a minute.

Tomorrow, what if he leaves town?

Don't worry. He's not going anywhere.

I'll keep an eye on him.

(LAUGHS)

Well, Gerald,

it's been good knowing you.

Try to remember me as I am now, okay?

Not as I will be tomorrow.

Dead.

Come on, Arnold!

Just 'cause Harold says he's gonna kill you,

doesn't mean he's gonna actually do it.

He sounded like he meant it.

Yeah, but you know Harold.

His short-term memory is gone.

The guy can't remember what he had for breakfast.

So how is he going to remember he's supposed to kill you tomorrow?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Sure. I bet by now, everybody's forgotten all about it.

There's not a kid in the whole city

who even remembers the stupid fight.

HELGA: Hey, Arnold!

Twenty-three hours until you die!

(LAUGHING)

What's this? CD player,

rollerblades, hockey stick?

That's just a list of your stuff that I've kinda had my eye on.

You know, if worse comes to worst.

Thanks, Gerald. Don't mention it.

Arnold, that moron.

How I hate him.

And yet...

I love him.

So mysterious, so suave...

Such a distinctively shaped little head.

You ignore me,

but deep down, you know how I really feel.

It's love, love, love!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

You wanna come up and eat with us?

Your grandma cooking tonight? Yeah.

No, thanks. I'm...

I gotta go wash my dog.

See you tomorrow.

See you. Don't worry. You'll be okay.

And take care of that list, man.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

(PHONE RINGING) Grandma.

Hello?

HELGA: Twenty-two hours, 46 minutes until you die!

(FLUSHING)

Hey, Grandpa. I have a problem.

Shoot it at me, short man!

Well, see, there's this big jerk at school.

He says he's gonna... Says he's gonna beat you up, eh?

Um, yeah.

Gonna give you 24 hours to dangle, eh?

That's right! Big guy, huh?

Slow, but with lots of power. Squash you like a bug, eh?

Yeah, yeah! What should I do?

I have no idea.

I gotta think of something, Grandpa.

Well, you could skip town

but then you'd have to live the rest of your life in fear,

always looking over your shoulder, waiting for...

That day.

You try reasoning with him?

Oh, moron, eh?

Well, Arnold,

I wish I knew what to tell you.

In 80 years, I think I've only learned one thing for sure.

What's that?

Never eat raspberries.

(STOMACH RUMBLING) Gotta go!

(FLUSHING) Ugh.

Grandma. Grandma!

Come on in, Kimba!

No, Grandma. It's me, Arnold.

Oh, I know, but right now,

you be Kimba,

he'll be the man-eating tiger,

and I'll be Bonna!

Okay, Grandma.

I mean, Bonna. I need some advice.

Why, certainly.

Always stay downwind of your prey!

Carry plenty of ammo,

and eat everything you kill!

Hello?

It's for you, my savage friend.

Would you take a message?

Kimba's not available right now.

A-ha. A-ha.

Twenty-two hours and three minutes till you...

Was that "dry" or "fry," dear?

Oh, "die." Yes, all right.

Underline three times.

Yes, you bet. Thank you for calling.

(WHIRRING)

(LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYS)

(SIGHS)

HELGA: Arnold!

Hey, Arnold!

Twenty-one hours, 58 minutes,

and 14 seconds until you die!

(PHONE RINGING) Sixteen hours,

21 minutes and 12 seconds

until you die!

Sixteen hours, 22 minutes,

59 seconds until you die! (PHONE RINGING)

HAROLD: It's clobbering time!

GRANDPA: Squash you like a bug, eh?

HAROLD: Puny grandma!

GRANDPA: Never eat raspberries. (ECHOING)

Come on down, Arnold.

We're gonna get you, anyway.

Back! Back, I say!

Ooh, he's got a bat!

What are you gonna do, Arnold?

Swing it at us? (ECHOING)

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna swing it!

I'm gonna swing it all day!

He's crazy!

Run! Help me!

I'm crazy!

Crazy! (LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

RADIO HOST: It's 7:00 on KILL.

This one goes out to Arnold, who's going to die,

in two hours, six minutes and 47 seconds

from Helga who hates you.

(MEOWING) (BARKS)

New morning light!

Arnold goes down in six seconds!

Any takers?

I'm in, man.

Well, where is he?

Don't worry, he'll be here.

BOY: There he is!

So, Arnold,

you decided to show up.

Now why don't you make it easy on yourself

and hold still,

while I pound that football head of yours flat!

Before you do,

there's something you should know, Harold.

What?

I'm crazy,

and you should never hit a crazy person.

Oh, Arnold's crazy!

If you're so crazy,

prove it!

Okay.

♪ One, two, three, uh!

♪ Watch me!

♪ Hey!

♪ Watch me!

♪ Now you think you got to bring me down

♪ Now you think You got to push me all around

♪ But wait

♪ Don't hit me

♪ I'll hit me! To the bridge!

♪ Hey, all right

♪ Got to, got to

♪ Come on!

♪ Got to feel it, ah!

♪ Huh! In your body!

♪ Baby! Man!

♪ I got a date

♪ I got to, got to, got to break a plate-ah!

♪ Don't hit me, uh!

♪ I'll hit me! Uh, uh

♪ I'm crazy! Uh, uh

♪ Yeah! ♪

Wow. You really are crazy!

Want to join our club?

He's wacko!

BOY: Arnold's crazy! He's wacko! Oh! He did it!

My love really did it!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Hey! Wait a minute,

no fair!

What about the fight? I sold tickets!

There's gotta be a fight.

Okay, you two guys fight.

Oh, okay.

Ow!

Boys are so stupid!