Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head.

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)

TEACHER: Class, I'd like to make an announcement.

I just got a letter from a former pupil of mine.

The best student I ever had.

Olga Pataki.

Olga Pataki was, and will probably always be,

the hardest working, most successful,

and giving alumnus of PS 118.

(SIGHING)

And I know we're all happy

to have a direct blood relative of Olga's in our class.

Helga Pataki.

Olga writes that she's coming home for spring break,

and perhaps, if we all ask nicely,

Helga will ask her sister to visit us,

and tell us all about the exciting life

she's been leading at Wellington college.

Oh, will you, Helga, will you?

Oh, yes, Miss Slovak.

I'll get right on that.

(GRUNTING)

MIRIAM: Oh, Helga,

your big sister should be here any minute.

Isn't this exciting?

Gee, yeah, Mom. I'm all atwitter.

(DOOR BELL RINGING)

She's here!

She's here!

Mummy! Daddy!

Welcome home, princess!

MIRIAM: You look great.

I feel great.

Toodles, Helga.

How's my baby sister?

(KISSING)

You're growing into quite a lovely young lady.

Yeah, I'm a real beauty.

And that's when I won the Lunch Drama award.

Always a winner!

Just like I taught her.

If you like, after dinner, I could perform

my Elmer Bernstein Award-winning

rendition of the Brandenburg Concerto.

(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

Bravo.

Bravo!

(CLAPPING)

(SNAPS) Ow!

"Olga, Olga, Olga."

So she's beautiful.

And brilliant.

And popular.

Big deal.

If I hear her name one more time...

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Hello, this is Helga.

No, Olga's not here.

Yeah, I can take a message.

Your name's Price Leblanc,

you met her at a fraternity mixer,

thought she was unforgettable,

wanna go out for mocha latte.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll tell her.

What am I, a slave?

(CLINKING)

Bill, bill, bill.

Hey, what's this?

"Wellington College.

"Personal and confidential."

Probably Olga's grades.

What the heck?

"A, A, A, A, A"

as usual.

She always gets straight As.

She's like a freak or something.

If she ever got even one B,

she'd probably go ballistic.

Sure, like that's ever gonna happen.

Hmm.

To change the grades, or not to change the grades?

That is the question.

Whether it is more nobler in my mind

to suffer a modest, unappreciated life

in the shadow of Olga,

or to stand up and take sweet, black revenge

upon the perfect, beloved, overbearing princess of a big sister

suffer in her shadow?

Take sweet, black revenge,

suffer,

revenge.

Tsk, no contest.

And I'm dating one boy who's in pre-law,

and one boy who's in pre-med.

I just can't decide which one I like better.

Oh, I almost forgot, Olga.

This letter came for you today.

Oh, goody, my grades.

Can you believe I've gotten straight As since the third grade?

(SMIRKING)

History, A,

(LAUGHING)

Intermediate economics, A,

Atmospheric science, A,

Advance French, A.

Merci beaucoup. (LAUGHING)

And tada!

Elizabethan poetry,

B plus?

BOTH: B plus?

(LAUGHING)

(STAMMERING)

I can't believe it.

It's not that bad, darling.

Yes, it is.

It's the worse thing that's ever happened to me.

(WHIMPERING)

May I please be excused?

(SOBBING)

Mother, may I say, this soup is exquisite.

(OLGA CRYING)

So, I guess you're pretty depressed, huh?

I'll never come out of my room again.

I've never even got an A minus.

(SOBBING)

Well, you know what they say,

when you get old, the brain cells are the first things to go.

(SOBBING)

Well, ha, I guess I'll see you later.

I just can't stand to see her like this.

B plus.

Leave her alone, B. She's depressed.

It's been a whole day.

She can't just lay around the house moping like that.

Sure she can.

I do.

Well, it's not healthy.

I gotta find a way to snap her out of this.

Look what I got for you, baby.

A box of your favorite Swiss chocolates.

I neither want nor deserve them.

I'll take them, Dad.

One for Helga,

one for Helga,

one for Helga,

none for Olga.

(SMIRKING)

(CHOKING)

(GASPING)

(SIGHING)

ROBERT: All right, Olga, enough of this moping.

Time to rise and shine.

I wanna see you downstairs

for dinner in 20 minutes,

and I wanna see you in this brand new,

one of a kind, Oleg Caprini gown.

I can't accept it.

That's a dress for a winner.

And I'm simply a loser.

(GRUNTING)

I'll take it.

Why, Price Leblanc, it's you.

What's that you say?

Ever since you met me at the fraternity mixer?

You simply can't get me out of your mind?

What?

(GIGGLING)

Take me out for mocha latte?

Oh, Price. MIRIAM: Helga?

Have you changed, uh, Olga's bedding yet?

(GROANING)

HELGA: Yes, Mom.

MIRIAM: Okay.

(GIGGLING)

ROBERT: Put on your Sunday best, Olga.

I got two tickets to that big Broadway show

you've been dying to see.

The joy of magestial, sophisticated

professional theater would be lost on me

in my sad and sorry condition.

But these are third row, center seats, Olga.

I just wanna be alone.

Hey, Dad, I'm not in a sad or sorry condition.

Eh? All right, put on your parka and let's go.

(HELGA HUMMING)

(SIGHING IN RELIEF) You sure are in a good mood.

Catfish are jumping, and the cotton's high, Hair Boy.

So you and your sister worked things out.

Sure. I fixed things up good.

I changed her grades from college,

and she's been crying in her room ever since.

That was a dirty trick.

Hmm, yeah.

She must be feeling pretty depressed.

Yeah.

I mean, she must be feeling really low and down on herself.

Yeah, what's your point?

I don't know, Helga. I've always to have a brother or a sister.

I always thought those relationships were kinda special.

Yeah, well, what do you know?

Olga is evil.

She's a pompous, over-bearing, arrogant witch.

Only this time, I've got her beat.

Okay.

Forget I mentioned it.

Arnold.

So moral, so compassionate,

so giving.

If only I were good and kind like that.

But, I'm not. So, that's that.

Hey, Dad, how about a rousing game of checkers?

Mm? Not now, Helga.

I'm too worried about your sister.

Hiya, Mom, what do you say you and me mix up a batch of smoothies?

Oh, I just don't feel like a smoothie, Helga.

Not while your sister is still up there in her room all depressed.

(GRUNTS)

Crimeny!

Even when I get her out of the way,

she still ruins everything for me.

(OLGA CRYING)

Oh, brother.

Look at her in there crying like a baby,

feeling all sorry for herself

all because she thinks she got a B plus.

(SIGHING)

Well, I guess there's only one thing to do.

(SIGHING)

Much better.

Where am I?

What is this place?

(OLGA CRYING)

How come all those clocks are melting?

Olga? Is that you?

(OLGA CRYING) Oh man, I gotta get out of here.

Arnold, is that you?

I am the angel of reason.

Hmm! Wonders never cease.

How do I get out of here?

You know what you have to do.

You must do the right thing.

But, what is the right thing?

You know it.

Do the right thing.

And now I have to go.

Wait, I have one more question.

What's it like to fly?

Eh, it's okay.

All right, all right.

Okay, look, here's the deal.

You didn't get a B plus.

What?

What are you talking about?

You got straight As as usual,

and I was jealous, so I changed the grade. Get it?

You mean, I really did get all As?

That's right.

So you can get out of bed, and prance around the house

like Mary Sunshine again.

You can go back to being a golden child,

and go ahead and tell Mom and Dad what I did,

so they reward you, and punish me, like they always do.

Everything's back to normal, bucko.

That was a pretty terrible thing to do.

Yeah, yeah, what's new?

Get on with it. Tell Mom and Dad.

Well, I could do that,

I should do that,

but I'm not gonna tell them. Mm?

What's your angle?

There's no angle, Helga.

They don't need to know everything that goes on between us.

You must think I'm lucky.

All the attention I get from them.

I have to perform all the time like some kind of wind up doll.

I get really sick of it.

You're lucky they don't notice you.

Really? Really.

Gee, thanks, Olga.

Hey, what are sisters for?

I don't know.

What do you say tomorrow we spend the day together?

Well, okay, that might be nice.

ARNOLD: How many box tops do we need?

Fifty. How many do we have?

Twenty five.

Don't worry, just 25 more,

then we can get the sugar chunks deluxe telescope for kids.

Sally's comet is coming in two weeks Gerald.

If we have that telescope by then,

we'll could see that comet better than anyone else.

No problem. If we don't get the telescope by then,

we'll catch the comet the next time it comes around.

Uh, Gerald...

Mm.

"Sally's comet is the most impressive, and dazzling of the comets.

"Appears in the sky once every...

"Seventy years"?

Now where is it the rest of the time?

I have no idea.

All I know is we better see it this time.

The next time it comes around, we're gonna be old.

Really old.

I mean, ancient.

I mean, hair growing out of our ears.

We've got to get this telescope now.

Let's get busy.

(CRUNCHING)

(SLURPING)

Mm, mm, mm...

(GULPING)

(BURPING)

Gerald, we can't do this alone.

We're gonna need help.

(CRUNCHING)

We eat cereal and get a telescope.

This is quite a country.

Another box down.

Does anybody's bowl need to be freshened up?

These box sized sugar chunks sure are chewy.

I'm still working on my first helping.

I'm sick of cereal,

I'm sick of milk.

I'm sick of football-headed schemes.

Why don't we just pour all the stupid cereal in the garbage,

and tear off the box tops?

We can't just throw away the food, Helga.

There are children starving all over the world.

Eh, I'm starving right here.

(BURPING)

I just swallowed a prize.

Sorry.

Now pace yourself, big boy,

pace yourself.

47, 48, 49, 50.

Seal it up, Arnold.

Let's hope this works.

Of course, it'll work.

We'll soon be the proud owners

of the most powerful kids telescope around.

Not today, boys.

Not today, fellas.

(ARNOLD SIGHING)

Sorry, fellas.

Maybe tomorrow.

Today is your lucky day.

(DISTANT SIREN)

Man, that moon is beautiful.

And it looks so close.

Whoa, this is wild.

Arnold, there are two moons!

Gerald, I think I found the problem.

ARNOLD: Let me take a look.

I can see airplanes,

and there's a blimp.

But I can't see any stars.

You wanna see stars, eh?

You'll have to turn all the lights off

in this whole dag-blasted city to see 'em.

It's too bright out here.

Hey! Turn off the lights!

Hey, everyone,

We want to see the stars.

Turn off your lights!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

MAN: I send you stars, buddy.

What in blue blazes is wrong with people?

Don't they know the city has to be pitch black

like it was when I saw Sally's comet 70 years ago?

Wait. Grandpa, you saw Sally's comet?

(LAUGHING) Yes, indeed.

PAPER-BOY: Babe hit 60!

The 20s are still roaring!

Sally's comet comes tonight.

Read all about it.

GRANDPA PHIL: It was 70 years ago,

I was up on this very roof with my father.

If only those lights weren't burning so brightly, Father.

Well, I think I can take care of that.

23 Skidoo!

Isn't it magnificent, Phil?

You're gonna remember this for the rest of your life.

Grandpa, I really wish you could see Sally's comet again.

Yeah, that'll be nice.

What are you gonna do about all the lights?

Okay. I got it.

I got a plan.

GERALD: Brothers, and sister,

heed my words.

Sally's comet is coming tonight!

I bring you the word.

Turn off your lights so we can see it.

Sally's comet, a once in a lifetime event.

Read all about it.

I don't care. I gotta get my head waxed.

WOMAN: Not interested. I don't think so.

WOMAN: Leave me alone.

I have to go wax that guy's head.

Sorry, Gerald.

Maybe we'll have better luck in 70 years.

Maybe if we just got away from all the lights.

Look here, man.

Here's a place called Hawk mountain.

Maybe it's dark up there.

Hey, any luck short man?

Not really, Grandpa.

No one cares about turning their lights out.

Hey, Phil, ever heard of Hawk mountain?

Hawk mountain? Of course.

I flew my first kite there, I got my first kiss there,

why, I fell off that mountain once,

and broke every bone in my body.

I love Hawk mountain.

I thought it might be dark enough up there,

and we could see the comet.

Eh, that's a good idea.

Nobody knows about Hawk mountain.

We'll have the place to ourselves.

(CARS HONKING, PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Get your comet pops here.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

Man, this is insane.

Well, let's see what the wireless has to say.

MAN: This traffic report,

officials at the Hawk mountain tell us the park is filled,

and the roads are closed.

Aw, man!

No way!

Consarnit.

MAN: I'd turn the car around.

Sorry, boys, but we'll have to turn back.

MAN ON RADIO: Cats and chicks, you've got your dials set on M-Jazz.

and I'm nocturnal Ned, your musical guide

into the mysterious hours known as "Wee."

The recent poll of hepcats

says this is the most listened to station

by the populous of this metropolis.

Hmm... NED: How about that?

If more people listen to nocturnal Ned,

than anyone else...

Turn left up here.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(BRAKES SQUEAL)

ARNOLD: We'll be right back, Grandpa.

Don't worry about me, boys.

(TURNS UP VOLUME)

Hey, all you cats and chicks out there

in listening land, this is your tour guide

of tune, Nocturnal Ned.

Stick with me. We'll be back with the word from bird,

right after these commercial messages.

Hey.

You're the guys here about the comet, right?

I appreciate your visit.

I love the younger set.

But, you see, I can't make an announcement.

My hands are tied by the system.

Oops! Dropped my donut.

How about one of us makes the announcement?

(CHUCKLES) That's bold. You're bold cats, brother.

Negatory though, sorry.

Gee, that really too bad.

Gerald had kind of a speech ready and everything.

You know, he probably would have said something like...

Hey, all you crazy cats and chicks out there,

Tonight, Sally's comet is gonna put on a major show

in the skies above your head.

It's a one night only show,

and everyone's invited.

The price of admission, you may wonder,

Just turn out your lights at 8:16,

and you have front-row seats to the greatest star-studded show in 70 years.

That's tonight at 8:16.

Lights out, and look up.

And now, back to the music.

(APPLAUSE)

That was really great, kid.

Too bad you can't do it on the air.

Oh well, I gotta get back to work, and go live.

Um, we're back,

letting loose the radio juice.

So turn it up...

(CACKLING)

ARNOLD: Hurry, Grandpa, it's almost time.

Hang on, boys.

(ENGINE REVVING)

ARNOLD: Come on, everybody, turn off the lights.

That's right. All of them.

Come on, Gerald.

Take it easy, boys.

How much time do we have?

Oh beats me.

Why don't you point your thingy at Big Barney?

What?

The clock tower, boy.

ARNOLD: Just one minute to go.

I hope Nocturnal Ned is as popular as he says he is.

(TELESCOPE CREAKS)

Did you see that?

GERALD: Yeah, and I can't believe it.

BOTH: Yeah, we did it! We really did that.

Oh my! Look up, boys.

Look up.

GRANDPA PHIL: 23 Skidoo! (LAUGHING)

Boys, you're gonna remember this for the rest of your lives.

It's amazing.

I know.

Man, look at it.

So, what do you think we'll be doing in 70 years?

Looking at this comet again.

Yes, sir. 'Cause I won't be.

I'll be... You know.

Eh, no you won't, Phil.

GRANDPA PHIL: Will you stop calling me Phil?