Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

MS. SLOVAK: Arnold?

Arnold.

Arnold. Huh?

Oh, sorry. What was the word again?

(SIGHS) Nuclear.

Oh, yeah. Nuclear.

N-U-C-L-E-A-R.

Right! (EXCLAIMS) (ALL CHEER)

That means you and Helga are the best spellers in school.

The City-Wide Spelling Bee is on Saturday.

And there's a $500 prize.

So good luck to you two.

And, Helga, don't spend all that money in one place.

I won't, Ms. Slovak.

I'll win, just like I'm supposed to.

Good girl. One last announcement.

They are conducting some very dangerous asbestos tests this weekend.

So when you come to class on Monday,

it's very, very important that you all bring...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(ALL CHATTER)

Good luck tomorrow, Helga.

(SCOFFS) Yeah, right. Just get ready to lose your butt.

If only my love could know the torment of my soul.

I am telling you, Arnold, you got it made.

A few years on the spelling bee circuit, at 500 a pop,

and you could retire by age 14.

You kidding? Helga's gonna cream me.

Think of what you can get with that 500 bucks.

Yeah.

The Tone Master 2000.

Five octaves, 800 megabytes of music storage.

And over 250 pre-programmed instruments.

GERALD: It's only 499.95.

You'll even have change left over.

You're right, Gerald. I'm gonna win that spelling bee no matter what.

Now you're talking, man.

This is terrible. If I win, I lose.

If I lose, I lose.

I should be happy, but I'm not.

There is nobody on the planet with worse luck than me.

(SIGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(SCREAMS) (DOGS BARKING)

Thanks for the pep talk. You'll be there for me tomorrow, right, Gerald?

What, are you crazy? And blow my whole Saturday?

You'll be fine.

Just remember, I before E, except after C.

Yeah, right.

ARNOLD: I before E, except after C.

I before E...

♪ It's Big Bob's beepers He's the king

♪ Big Bob's beepers Ting-ting-ting

(BEEPING)

♪ Big Bob's beepers

(APPLAUDING) I'm Big Bob Pataki, the beeper king.

Remember, we'll beat any advertised price, unless it's lower.

Come on down to our Beeper Emporium this Saturday

for our Annual Spelling Bee sale.

If my daughter Helga doesn't win the contest,

you get your first beeper free!

And remember... (BEEPING)

♪ Big Bob's beepers ♪

(LAUGHS) I love that ad.

All right, back to work. Next word is clavichord.

Please, Dad, I'm so tired.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Your sister Olga could spell that word when she was five.

And what are you now? Six, seven?

Nine, Dad.

Whatever. Point is you're a Pataki.

And Patakis are winners, right?

Yes, Dad.

I remember the first time your sister Olga won the city spelling bee.

It was the greatest moment of her life.

She was so happy.

I'll never forget when she got that final word...

Qualm.

Q-U-A-L-M.

Qualm. (SIGHS)

The L was practically silent.

But she nailed it. She nailed that L.

Please, Dad, I've heard this story a million times.

And you know why? Because it was a Pataki moment, that's why.

She won that trophy. And then she won another.

And another. And soon this whole room was full of trophies.

But I saved a spot for you, right there.

Behind that little one in the back row. See it?

Uh, sort of.

Well, it's there. And all you gotta do is win.

You hear me? Win. Win. Win!

(SIGHS) Okay, Dad. I'll do my best.

Clavichord. C-L-A-V-I-C-H-O-R-D. Clavichord.

Phlegm. P-H-L-E...

Uh... (TOILET FLUSHES)

G-M. Phlegm.

When you get to be my age, that's a word you use a lot.

Milk and cookies?

No, thanks, Grandpa.

Hey, what's bugging you, short man?

I don't know, Grandpa. It's just...

I don't think I have a chance to win this thing tomorrow.

(LAUGHS) Oh, now listen, boy.

You know your grandma and me will be proud of you no matter how good you do.

You don't have to prove anything to us.

I know. You're just as smart as any kid there.

The only thing that can beat you is your attitude.

You're right, Grandpa.

All I have to do is think positive.

Here. Ask me a word. Any word.

Okay, here's one. Onomatopoeia.

(SIGHS) Like I said, Arnold, we'll be proud of you no matter what.

I just hope I don't embarrass myself.

Don't worry, you won't.

Gerald, you came!

Sure. I wouldn't miss your big day.

You're a pal.

So, where's the snackbar?

BIG BOB: Now remember, pumpkin,

all these other kids have studied and worked real hard,

day and night just to get this far.

But they're all suckers and saps.

That trophy belongs to us.

I know, Dad.

Oh, and one other thing.

We got beepers riding on this thing.

So when you're up there, wear this around your neck, okay?

But, Dad! This is Olga's medal.

I don't need this.

Just wear it for good luck, honey.

(GROANS)

TEACHER: Everyone knows the rules.

Last speller standing is the city champion.

And let the spelling begin.

The first word is glacial.

Glacial. G-L-A-C-I-E-L. Glacial.

(BUZZER BUZZES) I'm sorry, dear.

That is incorrect. You are out.

(SNICKERS) This is gonna be cake.

Sanctimonious. S-A-N...

Philately. P-H-I-L-A-T-E-L-Y.

(ALL CHEER)

Effervescent. Spurious.

(BUZZER BUZZES)

Lupine. L-U-P-A-N. (BUZZER BUZZES)

(LAUGHS) They're dropping like flies.

(BUZZER BUZZES)

Velocipede.

V-E-L-O-C-I-P-E-D...

Uh... E. Velocipede.

(ALL CHEER) (SIGHS)

That's it. Time for a little insurance policy.

With only three spellers left,

let's start with Seymour Stump.

Seymour, spell pasquinade.

No kid can spell that.

Pasquinade.

P-A-S-Q-U-I-N-A-D-E. Pasquinade.

That is right.

(BELL DINGS) (APPLAUDING)

SEYMOUR'S MOM: Hello, hello? Oops.

Seymour, Seymour, you there?

Did you get pasquinade?

Heinz.

No, I'm just a pawn in a corrupt game.

I'm innocent. Innocent, I tell you.

Innocent!

Psst. Psst.

Lot of big words out there.

Be pretty easy to mess one up. Huh?

Well, suppose you missed your next word,

but somebody paid you the prize money anyway.

You mean like lose on purpose?

Oh, it's not like that.

It's more like just making sure that the kid who's the best speller really wins.

Come on. There must be something you wanna buy with those 500 smackers.

(PLAYING MUSIC)

If you lose, you win.

If you try to win, you'll probably lose.

So get out there and lose like a winner.

Hey, what were you talking to my dad about?

BIG BOB: If you lose, you win.

GERALD: Tone Master 2000.

(ALL CHEER)

All right, Arnold, you're next.

Your word is onomatopoeia.

Onomatopoeia.

O-N-O-M-A

T-O-P-O-E-I-A.

Onomatopoeia.

(ALL CHEER)

GRANDPA: Way to spell that word!

I can't believe it!

He didn't think I could do it on my own.

All right, Helga, you're next.

And your word is qualm.

Qualm? She's heard that story a million times.

She's got it. She's got it.

Let's see. Qualm.

Q-U-A-L...

BIG BOB: You got it. X.

(BUZZER BUZZES) What!

(ALL CHATTERING)

That is incorrect.

Arnold is the new champion.

(ALL CHEER)

How could you miss qualm? We just talked about it last night.

Did we? What do you mean "did we"?

I've told that story a million times.

Oh, yeah. I guess I just forgot. (GRUNTS)

MAN: Look, it's Big Bob.

WOMAN: His kid lost.

Beepers for everybody!

You know, Dad. I think you're gonna need this for good luck.

ALL: We want beepers.

BIG BOB: It was a joke.

Didn't you see the disclaimer?

You did good, kiddo. I'm proud of you.

We all are, man.

Thanks, guys. It feels good to win.

But I hope Helga's not taking it too hard.

I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!

ARNOLD: Okay, now follow my hand.

(COOING)

Good, very nice. Here you go, Lester.

Good boy, Fester.

Eat up, Chester. You've got a long trip ahead of you.

Hey, Chester, what's the matter? You haven't eaten all your dinner.

Nah, must not be hungry.

You remember where Gerald lives?

(COOING)

Do you remember who Gerald is?

(COOS) Good. Fly this to Gerald, okay?

Take your time, Chester. Pace yourself.

Hmm. Maybe I should've sent Fester.

Hey, where's Gerald? He's not here yet.

Boy, he should've been here by now.

I sent one of my carrier pigeons with a note over an hour ago.

A carrier pigeon? That's brilliant, Einstein.

You can't count on a pigeon!

Hey, they're really smart birds.

Arnold's correct, Helga.

Carrier pigeons can navigate in many large urban areas.

Flying at an average speed of 40 miles per hour.

Big deal. It's the 20th century

in case you haven't noticed, football head.

And there's been a little invention called the telephone.

Hey, Arnold. Man, I think that something is seriously wrong with Chester.

(COOING)

Chester! Look out, here he comes.

(GRUNTS) Nice grab, Arnold.

Arnold, I think this is serious. Your pigeon looks terrible.

He's still breathing. I gotta do something for him.

Oh, come on, it's just a dumb bird.

I think I'm gonna have to take him to the vet.

Well, why don't you just take him to the Pigeon Man?

(ALL GASP) Pigeon man? Sid, are you crazy?

That pigeon guy's nuts.

I've never heard of a Pigeon Man. Who's he?

Okay, Sid. Lead me in, babe.

The legend of the Pigeon Man

has been handed down from kid generation to kid generation,

for as long as I can remember.

Which is about since I was three. Take it away, Gerald.

In the pet shop district, there stands an old tenement,

abandoned since the great fire of '69.

After the fire, pigeons started gathering by the thousands on its charred roof.

No one knew why until one day,

someone saw a dark figure moving among the avian multitudes.

Forlorn, alone on the roof of that 88th street building,

lived a creature, half man and half bird.

Known only as Pigeon Man.

Some say he was hatched from an egg and left by aliens.

And he had a beak and a tail.

Some say he survived by eating leaves, twigs and worms.

Some say he's a guy in a chicken suit.

A lonely deranged man wanting only birds for company.

Who knows? I don't.

But to this day, flocks of pigeons gather on the roof.

And that can only mean that someone is caring for them.

Someone known as Pigeon Man. The end.

That's my boy.

So what's your point?

The point is he's one crazy, psychopathic freak.

But he's the crazy, psychopathic freak who can fix my pigeon.

What! But he's... he's psycho!

Yeah, Pigeon Man is a freak of nature.

Actually, football head, you two would probably get along.

I don't care. I've gotta save Chester.

I'm going to talk to the Pigeon Man.

He's a bold kid!

A bold kid.

(PIGEONS COOING)

(RAT SQUEALS)

(PIGEONS COOING)

Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Mr. Pigeon Man, sir?

Hi, I'm Arnold.

I thought maybe you...

This is Chester, my bird. He's pretty sick.

(COOING)

He won't eat. Can hardly fly.

So what do you think?

Come back tomorrow.

You're going to keep Chester?

(COOING) And cure him?

(COOING)

So, um... I'll see you tomorrow. Like around the same time?

All righty then, bye.

How many? Like 500 birds?

Did he smell?

Does he bite?

Thousands. He did smell. But not bad.

And, no, Stinky, he doesn't bite. He was okay.

And you left Chester with him?

Yeah, he's gonna help him.

I could tell, this guy and those pigeons...

He even spoke to me.

(CHUCKLES) What'd he say? Coo-coo-ca-chu?

I believe in him. When I go back there tomorrow,

Chester will be okay. I just know it.

Hi.

How's Chester doing?

He looks great. How'd you do it?

Time. Patience. And the right berries.

Thanks for curing him.

Here, berries for Chester. He should take three every four hours.

I wanna see him in a week to make sure he's recovered.

Chester's a good bird.

How did you learn to talk to them?

I've spent a lot of time with them.

I trust them. They trust me.

Don't you ever get lonely up here?

Lonely for what? For people? No.

I've seen you and your friends around the neighborhood, Arnold.

You kids remind me of me when I was growing up over on 23rd street.

You grew up around here? I went to P.S. 118.

I go to 118.

Is Ms. Slovak still there?

She's my teacher now!

I did a project on birds when I was in her class.

I became fascinated by birds. Fascinated.

My friends thought I was weird. So they stopped talking to me.

It's hard for me to trust people, Arnold.

There are good people too, Pigeon Man.

Maybe, Arnold. And you can call me Vincent.

Don't you ever miss the outside world? Like movies,

and TV, and pizza?

Pizza, oh, pizza.

I'm glad you decided to come.

How's the pizza?

The mushroom pizza was exceptional.

Are these bits of pineapple? Now that's strange.

Man, I can't believe Arnold thinks Pigeon Man is so great now.

Yeah, who does he think he is?

Aye, wait a minute. I mean, if Pigeon Man's down here,

who's back on the rooftop watching his pigeons?

Nobody, I guess.

Hey, you know what would be funny?

What if we went over to Pigeon Man's roof while he's away

and mess with his stuff?

(ALL LAUGH)

Like how?

You know, like take all the bird seed out of one bag

and put it in another bag.

So we'll mess with his head.

He'll be all confused and all.

That plan really bites, Harold.

I'm the boss and we're doing it.

(SNIFFS)

Look, I'm Pigeon Man.

♪ I love my little pigeons I wish I was a pigeon ♪

(ALL SHOUTING)

HAROLD: Hey, what's with the birds?

(ALL SCREAMING AND SHOUTING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Thanks for everything, Arnold. It was great.

Hey, it was the least I could do after what you did for Chester.

Oh, right, you need to pick up Chester.

Why don't you come on up?

ARNOLD: What!

This is awful. Who did this?

People, Arnold.

We can rebuild the cages and sweep up.

Your birds will come back.

Of course they'll come back. They're birds.

I trust them. I understand them.

It's people I don't understand.

You see, Arnold, it's time for me to leave here.

Some people are meant to be with people.

And others, like me, are just different.

Pigeon Man, wait.

None of this would've happened, if I hadn't...

Arnold, don't be sad.

You've taught me that some people can be trusted.

And I'll never forget that.

Where will you go?

Somewhere I can live in peace with my friends.

Don't you see? I have a mission to help pigeons everywhere.

Wherever there's a bird in need of seed, I'll be there.

Wherever there's a helpless flock suffering some abuse,

I'll be there.

Wherever there's a pigeon with a weak wing or a broken beak,

I'll be there.

Vincent?

I just hope there's another Arnold where I go next.

Remember, Arnold, always wash your berries before you eat them.

And fly toward the sun.

Goodbye, Pigeon Man.