Original subtitles

Here we go. Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

RHONDA AND NADINE: One step, two step, three step, four.

Up and back...

Nine times six is 54.

Nine times seven is 63.

Nine times eight is...

Seventy-two.

Man, how do you remember this stuff?

Easy, all the nines are the same.

Look.

Eight minus one is seven.

Seven plus two is nine.

So, nine times eight is 72.

(BELL RINGING)

I know an easier way.

What's that?

Memorize it.

(TIRES SCREECHING) Uh-oh.

Look who's here.

(CHILDREN SCREAMING)

Later, man.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Grrr.

(GRUNTS)

I hope they remembered to feed him this morning.

Now, remember, people, we have a big math test on Friday.

So let's practice our times table, shall we?

Let's see, who shall I ask first?

Rhonda, Arnold, Helga.

Harold, Torvald.

What's three times three?

Uh...

Thirty-three?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Torvald, you're 13 years old and you're still in fourth grade.

Don't you wanna be with your friends?

You mean in juvenile hall?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Okay, Torvald, there's only one thing I can do.

I am going to assign you a study buddy.

(ALL GASP)

Okay, let's see now.

How about... (ALL MUTTERING)

Arnold.

Perfect. Arnold. (ALL LAUGHING)

You're Torvald's new tutor.

Yep, (SIGHS) the way I see it, you're a dead man, Arnold.

A total dead man.

Oh, come on, Gerald, it's not gonna be so bad.

Deep down, I bet Torvald's just a regular kid.

Just like you and me.

(BOTH GASP)

I said pay back that quarter, you little squelcher.

(GASPING) Okay.

Do me a favor, Arnold.

If he hits you, just lay down

and stay down.

(CLOCK TICKING)

(TAPPING ON GLASS)

(DOOR OPENS)

Okay, spaz boy.

Tutor me.

All right, let's start with percentages.

If Farmer Brown has 200 apples,

and he gives Farmer Black 80 of them,

what percent of his crop is left?

Any ideas, Torvald?

Math is bogus.

That's not true, Torvald.

If you don't know math, you can't do anything in the real world.

Like what?

Well, (SIGHS), um...

Just lay down.

Grrr.

(GULPS)

(SIGHS) Okay, say you wanna work for NASA

but you never learned to count backwards.

Ten, nine, eight, uh...

Twelve, sixteen,

two, three, three.

Zero.

Zero.

No!

ARNOLD: Or you get a job at the stock market.

But you're still having trouble with your pluses and minuses.

(BEEPING) (ALL SCREAMING)

MAN: It's a crash, the entire world economy is destroyed.

ARNOLD: So then you get a job in a fast food joint.

Okay, Torvald, fill the napkin dispensers

on all tables with numbers divisible by a factor of three.

(SCREAMING)

Okay, okay, you made your point.

Tonight, my house.

Be there.

Or be dead.

(SIGHS) This is gonna be harder than I thought.

(POLICE SIREN WAILING) (GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE)

(DOG GROWLING)

(BARKING)

(GUNSHOTS IN DISTANCE) (MAN SCREAMING IN DISTANCE)

(DOOR BUZZER RINGING)

You must be Arnold, come on in.

Torvie, your friend's here.

It's so nice you and Torvie are getting a chance

to study together, you know,

Torvald's always had quite a knack for school.

Really? Oh, sure.

In fact, he wouldn't want me to show you this, but come here.

Isn't it beautiful?

See how he's stated the lines

and look, he got a C.

That's really nice, Mrs. Torvald's Mom.

I'll say, he's the best kid a mom could have.

Well, I better get to work, those chicken fingers don't sell themselves.

Bye, son, make me proud.

Come on, study boy.

Your mom sure is nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I like your room.

Suits me.

Okay, we've got three days to study.

So let's get to work.

We'll start with percentages.

Say, you wanna figure out 20% of something.

What would you do first?

Uh, buy a calculator?

Well, say you didn't have a calculator.

Then what?

Uh... bulls-eye.

(LAUGHING)

Well, one thing you could do is draw a picture.

Say your dog has five puppies.

Your mom says you have to give away 80% of them.

What have you got left?

One less puppy.

(LAUGHING)

That's it, I'm out of here!

What's wrong? I'm wasting my time, that's what.

Best thing he ever did was that drawing he got a C minus on.

That's funny, some kids get bugged because their parents think

they suck at everything they do.

I just wish once in my life I could be half as good as my mom thinks I am.

Well, maybe if you'd study a little harder.

I try, Arnold, I really try.

I'll tell you what, Torvald.

You promise to stop beating up my friends.

Then I'll help you get another C for your mom to put on her refrigerator.

You'd do that for me?

Arnold, you got yourself a deal.

Thirty-three.

Thirty-six.

Thirty-nine, uh...

Thirty-nine. (EXCLAIMS)

It's no use, Arnold, I'll never learn this stuff.

Sure you will, Torvald.

No, I won't, I'm just not smart enough.

(GASPS)

Hey there, squelcher, where's my money?

Well, uh, uh, here, Torvald.

Thanks, hey, you're short $2.96.

A ten dollar loan over two weeks at 8% a day.

That's $18.47. Okay, okay, here.

Crummy little snot.

Torvald, you did it!

Huh? Just now.

That's math.

Really?

Whoa, and all this time, I just thought it was business.

If Joey has 24 teeth and you punch out three.

How many does he have left?

Twenty-one.

If Farmer Brown fenced that TV

for 70 cents on the dollar,

what would he get?

$85.70.

If you steal lunch money from everybody in the front row.

How many chocolate milk could you buy?

Seventeen and a cookie.

(YAWNS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

MS. SLOVAK: Three times three is...

TORVALD: Uh, thirty-three?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Torvald, you're 13 years old and you're still in fourth grade.

Make me proud, son.

Torvald?

I can't do it, Arnold.

Sure you can.

Just take it one question at a time like we talked about.

Maybe that stuff works for you and the other kids.

It just doesn't work for me.

I'm not smart enough, Arnold.

Torvald, wait!

(BELL RINGING)

Thank you, Arnold, you can go now.

Um, Ms. Slovak?

About Torvald.

Um... (DOOR OPEN)

What about Torvald?

He's gonna be a little late.

(LAUGHS) Oh, yeah.

Torvald. How'd you do?

Not so good. Really?

Psych, I got a C!

A C+.

See ya later, Arnold, I gotta tell my mom

and thanks for everything, man, thanks a lot.

(WHOOPING) I did it! I did it!

You know, Arnold.

You did a good thing helping Torvald pass that test.

You mean 'cause now he knows that he has the power inside himself

to succeed no matter what he tries?

No, because now I don't have to pay him back that quarter

I owe him.

You're a real romantic, Gerald.

Thanks, pal, so are you.

GERALD: Hey, Arnold.

Uh, what?

I said, "More mashed potatoes?"

Oh, uh, thanks.

Look at me, Arnold. I'm Timberly, the Pink Ranger.

(TIMBERLY LAUGHS) Sorry, Arnold.

Good aim for a 4-year-old.

Cut it out, Timberly.

Hey, Arnold, wanna see milk come out of Gerald's nose?

Just say the word "booger" while he's drinking,

cracks him up everytime. Liar.

(LAUGHING)

Booger.

(LAUGHING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

Kids, kids, quiet down.

That's better.

Now I wanna have a family discussion about the electric bill here.

We're up three kilowatts from last month.

Does anyone have any energy saving suggestions?

Morph the Power Suckers.

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

I don't see what's so funny.

Electricity doesn't grow on trees.

Each time we turn on a light in this house,

it's like throwing money out the window.

(WHISTLES)

Warning, Timberly Johanssen, potato flinging.

Penalty? Two minutes of time out.

Aw, Mom.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

All right, it's time for you guys to quiet down.

Be quiet, come on.

Sorry about my family, Arnold.

You think maybe if I change my last name,

people think I'm adopted? What do you mean, Gerald?

I love staying over with you, your family's fun.

They're so normal.

Arnold, you slept over here a bunch of times.

But you never let me stay over at your place.

Yeah, well, good night.

In fact, now that I think about it.

I've never even seen all of your house.

Everytime I come over, we always go straight up to your room.

What's wrong with my room?

Nothing. Okay, then.

It's just who are all those other people living there?

(SIGHS) Well, I have sort of a...

An extended family.

Great, I wanna meet 'em.

I'll come stay over next weekend, okay?

Well, uh...

They're not like other people.

Sounds like fun, I can't wait.

Good night.

I don't know about this, Gerald.

What's going on in here? The way you kids wasting electricity

you'd think it just came out of the walls or something.

Sheesh.

(OSKAR LAUGHING NERVOUSLY)

SUZIE: Well, it's not good enough for me.

I'm changing my life, Oskar.

GRANDPA: ♪ Oh, my darling Oh, my darling

♪ Oh, my darling Clementine

♪ You are lost And gone forever

♪ And her shoes Were number nine ♪ OSKAR: Traffic jam...

ERNIE: Hey, 13 boarders, one bathroom,

what do you... Okay, Gerald, we're almost there.

Now at times the things you see may confuse or even frighten you.

But just remember everyone is essentially harmless.

Arnold, relax.

I've been here before, besides,

how weird can your house be?

You've been warned.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Grandma, I'm home.

GRANDMA: Come on in, Kimba.

Uh, no, Grandma, it's me, Arnold

and you remember Gerald?

Don't try to confuse me, Kimba.

I know you and Colonel Binghamton

must be exhausted after your flight from Botswana.

But right now, we've got a bigger problem.

Come here, you little man eater.

Juana's got some medicine for you.

Uh, later, Grandma, I mean, Juana.

We have to go now. Okie-dokie.

Will you be staying for dinner, Colonel?

Maybe.

There'll be plenty to go around just as soon as I catch it.

(GASPS)

Remember, we eat at 1800 hours sharp.

GRANDMA: Hail the empire!

GRANDPA: That you, Arnold?

Yep, me and Gerald.

GRANDPA: Come on up.

I'm almost through in the office.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(MEOWING)

Put 'er there, son.

Gerald and I were just finishing the tour.

Not so fast.

Know what day this is, Arnold?

Uh, Arbor Day?

Nope. The beginning of hockey season?

Nope.

Grandma's birthday? I have no idea.

Come on, Arnold, first of the month,

time to collect the rents.

(GROANS) Grandpa, do I have to?

I've got company over.

Oh, he can help.

You'll get it done twice as fast,

do it myself but I've got more pressing business

to attend to.

(STOMACH GRUMBLING)

Gotta go.

(SIGHS)

Collect the rent? Man, all I get is an allowance.

This is a little different.

I'll just be a second, okay?

You just wait out here.

Mr. Purdy? I'm here for the rent.

PURDY: Oh, Arnold, I didn't hear you come in.

(CHICKEN SQUAWKING)

ARNOLD: What was that?

PURDY: What noise? ARNOLD: That noise.

PURDY: What noise?

ARNOLD: Was that a chicken?

No, no, no, that was the television.

ARNOLD: But you don't have a TV.

PURDY: That was the radio, Arnold, the radio.

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

Mr. Purdy, you're keeping a chicken here, aren't you?

PURDY: Chicken? (GROANS)

That's offensive. (STUTTERS) What grown man would live with a chicken?

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

ARNOLD: Well, anyway, I'm here for the rent.

PURDY: (LAUGHS) The rent.

Well, uh...

Listen, could I pay you tomorrow?

(ARNOLD SIGHS) All right.

See you tomorrow.

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING) Don't ask.

(ROOSTER CROWING)

(THUDDING)

ARNOLD: Ernie?

It's me, Arnold, I'm here for the rent.

Ernie?

ERNIE: You kids know the old Marquis Theater on Central?

Yeah, it's a really nice building.

Nice? A beaut, hand carved molding.

Opera seats, the works.

I demolished it Thursday.

Here's the last brick.

Huh? Ain't that something?

Every brick tells a story.

I got a whole room full of history here.

Uh, Ernie, I have a lot of checks to collect.

You got a lot of nerve, kid.

Coming between a man and his memories?

You know, one good sledgehammer to the cornerstone

and this whole place will come down like a ton of bricks.

You get it?

(GULPS) Whatever.

You know, I like your friend here, Arnold.

I like him a lot.

You ought to go into demolition, kid.

Here, take your rent, peasant.

Why don't we catch up with you later, Ernie?

Fine, shove off, it's no skin off my nose.

Man, he was creepy.

Yeah, and he likes you.

Mr. Smith.

First of the month, Mr. Smith.

(BEEPS)

(BEEPING)

What's his deal?

Mr. Smith is very private.

Now that's private.

(CAMERA BEEPING)

Oh, Arnold, good to see you.

Are you here for the rent?

Yeah, and we're kind of in a hurry.

Very good, before I pay you.

We do manual chores.

Building maintenance.

But I really don't have the time. You are a good kid.

Good kid.

Here, try the socket wrench.

HYUNH: Oh, still not straight.

Try again.

But we've done this over 16 times.

Seventeen time is the charm.

HYUNH: Good job.

Here's a tip.

A shiny new dime for each of you.

The rent? I will have tomorrow.

Listen, I know this can't be any fun for you.

Why don't you just wait in my room?

I'll do the last place and catch up with you.

Nah, I wouldn't desert you now.

Besides, nothing can be worse than that dime guy.

Okay.

(OSKAR AND SUZIE ARGUING) (OBJECTS CRASHING)

OSKAR: Who is it?

It's me Mr. Kokoshka.

Hi, Arnold, excuse me.

There, I should've listened to my mother, she tried to warn me.

OSKAR: Oh, Suzie.

I could've married Joe Stevens,

he wasn an orthodontist. I'm looking for work.

SUZIE: Won't find it at the race track.

OSKAR: I know that now.

Stand by for pottery.

But, Suzie, I work all the time.

Just not professionally.

SUZIE: You haven't worked in three years!

OSKAR: What about my audition for the lead in Man of La Mancha?

SUZIE: Oskar, I'm telling the truth.

Now, I'm... OSKAR: Oh, Suzie, please.

You don't want to end it like this.

HYUNH: I have a cousin, good divorce attorney.

I'll help you divvy up the property.

(ALL CLAMORING)

Arnold, you gotta do something.

(ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)

(CLEARS THROAT) (BELL RINGING)

Dinner is served.

BOTH: Okay.

Why should we fight when you know we're just going to make up?

It doesn't make any sense.

ERNIE: So they do, so they do.

Plus, you know I always...

More soup, my little green card?

GRANDMA: Drag on in, that's right, face down, everybody.

ERNIE: Boom! OSKAR: Oh, he hit the chicken.

Sorry about today, Gerald.

I know my house isn't exactly normal.

Ah, you kidding, Arnold? You get to hit people up for rent money.

You get to bust a fight.

Man, your house kicks.

Yeah, you know what, you're right.

(SNORING)

Good night, Gerald.

(GERALD SNORING)

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)