Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS HEARTILY)

(GASPS)

(SIREN WAILING)

Give me your money.

Okay.

All I have is change.

And a bus pass?

You were holding out on me, kid.

ARNOLD: Hey, leave me alone, you creep.

(CRASHING)

And work on that attitude of yours next time, punk!

Or you'll get worse.

(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

So, some punk kid jumped you, eh?

How big was this punk?

Big. Big punk!

Big. Big, huh?

Oh, simmer down, you hot headed looney.

All a boy needs to do is take one of them self defense classes.

Learn themselves some of the Haiku.

GRANDMA: Buffaloes steak and beans tonight, compadres.

Gather around the chuck wagon and meet your field.

Why the long face, Tex?

You look like five-miles a bad prairie.

I know godma.

Mai! Some punk took his bus pass and knocked him flat.

Oh, what's the world coming to? I tell ya!

If every... (CONTINUES RANTING) MR. HYUNH: Are you okay, Arnold? Are you fine, kid?

GRANDMA: You're all right, Arnold.

I'll make you some green tea and put you to bed.

Yes, sleep is a good idea.

That's okay, Grandma. I'll make myself some hot chocolate.

Goodnight. GRANDPA: Goodnight, Arnold,

see you in the morning.

So, what do we do about this, pooky?

Oh! I've got plans for Arnold.

(ALARM RINGING)

(YAWNS)

(EXCLAIMING) (GASPS)

(GONG CRASHES)

Morning, tadpole.

Grandma, it's early. What are you doing?

Your self defense training begins today.

Self defense training?

What do you know about the martial arts, Grandma?

Didn't I ever tell you of my years in the convent in Shanghai?

ARNOLD: Yeah! Oh, was that before or after Tibet?

Anyway, your training starts today.

Wow!

(GONG CRASHES)

Enter, my son.

Uh-uh! The shoes?

(FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, I'm ready, Grandma.

Where do we start?

Shhh!

Lose yourself!

Fall into the limitless void.

Assume a state of relaxed alertness.

(FLY BUZZING)

Be as the frog in a pond.

He does not seek the fly.

The fly comes to him.

Now, try to snatch the fly out of my hand.

When you can snatch the fly out of my hand,

your training will be complete.

(DRUMS ROLLING)

(MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(GRUNTS)

(RUMBLING)

(GRUNTS)

(CAN CLATTERING)

ARNOLD: Hiyah! GRANDPA: Aah!

(HUMMING)

Be as the frog in a pond, Arnold.

(FLY BUZZING)

Ew! Ugh!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(GONG CRASHES)

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(EXCLAIMING) (ALL GASPS)

(ALL CHEERING)

Mama leoney!

(GULPS)

(ARNOLD GRUNTS)

(ALL CHEERING)

So come on Arnold, spill it.

How did your grandma turn you into martial arts machine?

I don't know, she said something about how you must be as the frog in the pond.

Next thing you know, I was kicking cans off the top of Harold's head.

I've never felt like this way before.

I like it.

I said, what's in the bag?

Macaroons and Mallomars, mister.

Wrong answer, brush head. You can do better than that.

ARNOLD: Hey!

What do you want?

I want you to leave those kids alone.

(CHUCKLES) ARNOLD: Fair warning.

Don't make me use these.

(LAUGHING) Look at him.

(GRUNTS)

(ALL SCREAM) Run!

Wow, look at that.

That was great, Arnold.

I had no idea.

Man, Arnold! Those hands and feet are lethal weapons.

Yeah! When I run into that creep who stole my bus pass, I'm gonna get it back.

(SIREN WAILING)

Hey, wait a minute!

This is all happening little too fast.

Man, last week he was getting mugged,

this week he's Bruce Lee.

ARNOLD: Hey, you. Yeah, you.

You're talking to me?

You talking to me?

GRANDPA: No, I didn't say anything.

There's nobody else here.

You're talking to me?

You talking to me?

(CHILDREN SCREAMING) (BELL RINGING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

EUGENE: I'm okay.

(GRUNTS)

(SCREAMS)

What do you mean, I've changed?

Just what I said now. You've changed...

(CAT MEOWS) ...and I'm worried about you, man.

Look, I gotta go! (CLOCK TICKING)

Don't worry about me, okay?

Just go easy on that ninja stuff. Okay, Bruce?

Relax! What could happen?

Hey!

(GRUNTING)

(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)

I was just trying to ask you where is the bus stop.

(CRYING)

Just the bus stop.

(CRYING)

Oh, you wack, who do you think you are, pushing him around?

(PEOPLE GRUMBLING)

Yeah, he just wanted to know, where's the bus stop.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

MAN: Hey, watch where you're going.

MAN: Crazy power. Now you're getting it through.

We're worried about you.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(BELL TOLLING)

(GROWLING)

Sit down and tell me of your troubles, tadpole.

It's over, Grandma. I'm giving up.

Giving what up?

This Bruce Lee karate lifestyle I'm incultivating.

It's all big power trip. Well, how so?

I was just using it to show off.

Then I went too far and made a big mistake.

Now, I just want to forget about it.

Congratulations, Arnold. Now your training is complete.

I don't get it. Yes you do.

It's the art of "self "defense.

Be as the frog in a pond.

"Do not seek the fly, the fly will come to you."

You keep saying that, Grandma, what do you mean?

You know!

Is it that you don't go looking for trouble, 'cause that causes more trouble,

but it's okay to stand up for yourself,

and grab the fly when it comes to you?

GRANDMA: Oh, something like that.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

Grandma, it's the kid who stole my bus pass.

Chill, my son. Go with the flow.

Eh, granny four eyes, I like the purple hair.

(LAUGHS)

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words are brittle chimes in a windstorm.

Give me your purse, granny.

You can have that. It's just a purse, you know.

For what are worldly possessions,

that we cannot take them with us.

Hey, I know you. You're the punk with the bus pass.

Here it is, punk. You want it?

Try and take it.

(VOICE ECHOES) Try and take it! Try and take it!

(FLY BUZZING)

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHING)

(BUZZING)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(YELLING)

Hey, ooh. No offense, man. You want the bus pass? Take it.

And the 65 cents.

Yeah, yeah. With interest.

And here's your purse, ma'am.

(YELLING)

Of course, sometimes when your own personal space is violated,

there are occasions to use the training.

(YELLING)

Let's go inside and I'll make us some green tea.

Thanks. Maybe I'll just have hot chocolate.

(YOWLING)

You city kids don't know what real camping is.

But this weekend, you're gonna find out.

Sleepin' under the stars, cooking weenies and beans over a camp fire,

making doodie behind a tree like a big bear or...

Wow. It's beautiful, Grandpa.

Sure, it's beautiful.

Everything in nature is beautiful.

Unless it's ugly.

Come on. Let's go jump in that lake.

No. Let's hike up that mountain.

Not so fast.

First thing we got to do is make camp.

Make camp? Sure.

Clear a tent space, chop fire wood, haul water.

There's a lot of work to do before you start having fun.

Now can we swim and hike and catch some fish?

No. What do you think this is? A camping trip?

Can't go skylarking off without learning some basic survival skills.

Come on.

When you're trekking, there are plenty of ways to tell if an animal has been by.

Broken branches, footprints, even scat.

What's scat? You know, scat.

Droppings, like what you're standing in. See. (SQUELCHES)

Now remember, only do this under adult supervision.

"Red and sweet are good to eat.

"But I swear by this sonnet, green will make you vomit."

I thought it was "Green and sweet are good to eat."

No, I've been saying it all morning.

"Red and sweet, red and sweet."

Excuse me for a minute.

(ARNOLD RETCHING)

You're vomiting, aren't you, Arnold?

Now, boys, if moss always grows on north side of the tree,

which way is camp?

Um... This way.

(SQUEAKS)

Huh?

Nice skunky, good skunky.

Nature bites.

(GRANDPA SNORING)

Gerald, you asleep? Are you kidding?

Mosquitoes, poison berries, Grandpa snoring.

How am I supposed to sleep?

Yeah. I wish Grandpa hadn't eaten all those beans.

(GRANDPA FARTS)

At least it covers up the skunk smell.

That's it! Tomorrow morning we tell Grandpa we want out.

Grandpa, we have something to tell you.

Wait till you have some flapjacks cooked over an open flame.

Mmm... Charred and tasty.

We want to go home. Home?

We're tried of nature, we hate it.

What? But you just got here.

Yeah, but we are cold...

And dirty. ...and hungry.

You got to get cold and dirty and hungry. That's the only way to camp.

(LOUD THUDS)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

GRANDPA: Cod-darned city slickers.

Ruining the wilderness for the rest of us. I don't know...

It's a miracle. We're saved.

Here we are girls. The great outdoors.

Say it ain't so, Gerald.

Good parking, Dad. You ran over a tree.

Hey, hey, hey! The RV 2000 doesn't run over trees,

it bends them with patented bumper riser.

Whatever. Come on, Phoebe, let's go inside and watch some TV.

Hey, while you're in there, pull some steaks out of the freezer, will you?

We'll have steak and eggs for breakfast.

Steak and eggs?

Helga, did you happen to observe that the occupancy of the adjacent campsite

were none other than Arnold and Gerald?

What? Arnold, in the next campsite?

(STAMMERS) I mean, big deal.

Why do I care if Arnold is camping

just a few yards away from me at this very moment?

(BELL DINGS)

I'll be in the toilet, Phoebe.

(WHISTLING)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, fate! Oh, fortuna! What a strange hand you've dealt me.

Arnold, in my own campsite.

Arnold! The name itself opens hidden doors to my heart.

And yet, he can never know, unless...

There's some way I can be alone with him.

Alone with my love in the wild.

Ow!

Ophelia's overlook.

What better place to reveal the secrets of my soul!

Hey, Phoebe! Yes?

Let's go for a walk. Coming.

Well, well, well. What a surprise.

Oh. Hi, Helga.

You guys camping? Where's your RV?

We don't have an RV, Helga. We use a tent.

Where do you keep the ice cream?

Wait a minute. You guys got ice cream?

Technically, it's frozen yogurt.

You know, one of those soft serve machines.

But hey, we're roughing it.

BOB: Helga? Coming, Dad!

Anyway, we better get back to camp. The steak and eggs are ready.

(PHOEBE CHUCKLES)

Yeah, Jerry. I'll be back in the office on Monday.

Yeah, I brought all the high tech camping equipment.

The girls? Oh yeah, they're loving it,

which is great, 'cause I'm killing two birds with one stone.

(WHISPERS) Testing the merchandise...

And spending some quality time with my daughter, Olga.

Helga, Dad. Yeah, yeah, Helga.

Anyway Jerry, I'll see you on Monday.

Well, you girls ready for some breakfast?

Say, Dad. Uh...

Those guys over there are in my class,

and not that I really like either of them or anything,

but I was thinking, they looked kind of hungry.

Maybe we should invite them over to eat.

Huh? Sure.

(YELLS) Hey you guys, come and eat. We got plenty.

(CLATTERS)

We'll be right back, Grandpa.

Okay, but you don't know what you're missing.

(SLURPING)

So Dad, I've been thinking about something else.

Why don't we all go for a nice hike in the woods?

Huh?

I thought you hated hiking.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Perhaps it was on the way here, when you kept saying, "I hate hiking,

"I hate hiking, I hate..." Ow!

Come one, Dad, it'll be great.

You'd be killing two birds with one stone.

Hmm. Not a bad idea.

Okay, it's a plan.

Everybody who wants to go on a hike say "aye".

ALL: Aye!

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

BOB: Okay. I got the solar power face mister to keep me cool while I walk.

Phoebe's got the computerized path finder to blaze a trail,

(BEEPING)

Helga's got my new deluxe fridge-o-back, chock-full of pre-packaged gourmet food.

Wow. Nature is a lot more fun when you watch it on TV.

Welp, here we are.

Nothing like nature, eh?

Now how about some lunch?

Helga, pop open that fridge-o-pack.

Phoebe, turn off that beeper.

Your knob appear to be stuck, Mr. Pataki.

Let me see that thing.

(BEEPING)

Ugh! Cheap piece of junk.

I'll sell thousands of 'em.

(BEEPS, STATIC)

(STATIC)

Oh, man! Just when nature is getting interesting, the TV goes out.

Unbelievable!

Dad, I think something's wrong with our lunch.

Hmm, looks like the vacuum pack didn't seal.

(BUBBLING)

Ew! Gross.

BOB: Give me that.

Hoo-fa!

Holy toledo, that's rank.

Well, at least there is one good way to get rid of faulty equipment on the trail.

(GRUNTS)

(THUDS)

Well, I guess that puts us in a bit of predicament regarding lunch.

HELGA: (THINKING) At last alone with my love in the wild. Ahh!

BOB: Well, let's get back to camp and eat.

We still got some steaks in the freezer.

Criminey!

Dad, shouldn't we be getting near camp soon?

Yeah. Wish we still had that path finder though.

Yeah, but the sun's going down, it's getting kind of cool up here.

Maybe I should turn off this...

(YELLS)

Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! Are you all right?

Are you okay, Mr. Pataki? Am I okay?

Look at me!

The food's gone, my neck's burnt,

the mister doesn't work.

And to top it all up, we're lost!

(SCREAMING) Lost? I thought you knew where we were.

I've been totally lost as we saw those signs in Spanish.

(YELLING) What? We're all going to die.

Actually, Gerald and I can get us back.

My grandpa thought us how to follow trails.

All we got to do is retrace our steps and we'll be back in no time.

But if I don't eat something in a minute,

I'm going to keel over.

Aren't those the same kind of berries that Grandpa pointed out?

Yeah. Red and sweet and good to eat.

BOB: You boys are crazy.

You can't eat stuff that's just growing outside.

I must admit, I admire Gerald's survival skills.

Moss grows on the north side of the tree

We're on the right track.

(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)

Camp should be right there!

(ALL CHEERING)

Whoo-hoo

But we better follow this path around because...

Forget the path, kid, camp's right there.

(YELLS) Juicy steaks, here I come.

Oh, civilization, I missed you.

I wa going to say because that's poison ivy.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, about time you showed up.

Had a good hike boys?

Yeah, once we got lost and got rid of all that high tech stuff.

We found the way back here because of everything you taught us, grandpa.

Oh, is that so?

Grandpa, can we stay one more night and camp out the old fashion way?

♪ Oh, give me home Where the buffalo roam

♪ And the deer and the antelope play... ♪

This is more like it, Arnold.

Who wouldn't love camping on a night like this?

Darn bugs!

Aah.

Poison Ivy. Oh, sunburn.

Ouch. Ooh-ooh.

(BOB GROANS IN DISTANCE)

♪ Home, home on the range ♪

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)