Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

Hey, Arnold, check it out.

They're setting up for the annual Cheese Fair.

Wow.

Seems like it was just last year

that we celebrated the annual festival

of the holy provolone.

Phoebe, what on Earth are you doing?

According to festival tradition,

Swiss cheese is a window to the soul.

If you spin around three times,

hold your breath, and look through a hole,

it will guide you towards your true love.

Ha! Poppycock!

Give me that!

(SIGHING)

(GASPING)

GERALD: Arnold?

Arnold?

Wow, it's her.

Who? Oh, you mean Ruth?

"Ruth," what a perfect name

for such a divine creature.

Arnold, where are you going?

Are you okay, man?

(GASPING)

HELGA: I know that look!

It's the look of love.

The look I've been longing for.

He's finally acknowledged his passion for me.

Huh?

Why that little yellow haired runt!

I oughta squash him like a bug!

Of all the idiotic things,

Arnold is in love with Ruth?

Please.

Not that I care,

but what has she got that I haven't got?

Let me check my list.

"Long slender legs, a dazzling smile,

"shiny chestnut hair..."

Give me that!

So, what?

What kind of guy would fall for all that baloney anyway?

I just know it, Gerald,

It's...

It's fate.

Tonight, at the carnival,

I'll see her, and she'll see me.

And, in that instant,

she'll realize that we were meant to be.

Me and Ruth P. McDougal.

Ruth P. McDougal.

I'll fix her wagon.

ARNOLD: Hello, Ruthie.

Nice to meet you, Ruth.

How ya doing, Ruth?

Would you knock that off?

I don't wanna forget my opening line.

It took me all day to come up with it.

Gee, it's so long and complicated.

I can see why you're concerned.

Why don't you just play it straight?

Okay.

Hi, Ruth.

Yeah, that's it.

Hi, Ruth.

Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth.

Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth.

(DRONING) Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth.

Stay cool, Arnold.

There she is! (SCREAMS)

There she is.

Commence operation Ruthless,

in which we will target and destroy

a certain sixth grade so and so.

Well, this is gonna be good.

Uh, Helga, just one question.

What? Are you implying that I have some ulterior motive?

That I'm after this Ruth person

because she happens to be the object

of some other kid's affections?

Some certain young man that I may have

my own obsessive affection for?

Is that your question?

Is that your question?

No, actually,

I was gonna ask you which way to the bathroom.

Oh, they're right over there, next to the weiner stand.

And, Phoebe? Yes?

This conversation never happened.

Right.

(BELL RINGING) (WATER SPLASHING)

GERALD: Okay, here's the plan.

You give her the cheese kebab, as a token of your affection.

That'll break the ice.

And then, what do you say?

(DRONING) Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth.

I think you got it, Arnold!

Now, we've gone over and over this plan.

It's very complicated.

Now, what's step number one?

Oh, yeah.

Try and get me, Helga.

Oh, Phoebe! Wait up.

Oops.

Oh, how clumsy of you.

(LAUGHING)

You're a genius, Helga.

Yeah, yeah. Stop sucking up.

Oh, that was good.

Maybe now, you should try the direct, direct approach.

Yeah, I'll just walk up to her real casual,

and I'll say, uh...

Uh! What was it, again?

(SIGHING)

Hi, Ruth.

Oh, yeah. Good, good.

(DRONING) Hi, Ruth. Hi, Ruth...

He's a sick boy.

Wait here!

Ew.

Oh.

Huh.

Oh, hi, Ruth.

My name is Arnold...

Huh?

Hey! Watch where you're going,

you little yellow-haired shrimp.

And, who's Ruth, anyway?

(LAUGHING)

What a dumb name.

(SARDONICALLY) Ruth. Ruth.

Hello, my name is Ruth. Doik!

He touched me. (EXCLAIMING ADORINGLY)

(WHEEZING)

(WHEEZING)

Hey, man, don't get in car number four.

The accelerator sticks.

Car number four, eh?

Hmm, this ought to be good.

Car number two,

car number three,

car number four.

Perfect.

Here you are, ma'am.

Sucker.

Punch it, Phoebe!

(SCREECHING)

HELGA: That's it!

Faster. Faster! Pedal to the metal! (CHUCKLES)

Hey!

She stopped.

That's not car number four, it's car number three.

Then, who's in car number four?

Say, "Good night," Phoebe.

(CROWD SCREAMING)

Step right up, meet your match.

It's mystery match night at the tunnel of love.

Men in one line, ladies in the other.

Sure, it's risky. Hey, so is love.

Hey, Gerald, what if I don't get matched up with Ruth?

Don't worry. We counted it perfectly.

She's number eight, and you're number eight.

Nothing can go wrong.

Make way!

Shove over, sister!

This is perfect!

A little maneuvering,

and I'll be riding the swan with Arnold,

while Ruth winds up with some dumb slob. (LAUGHS)

Helga, you're a genius.

Shove over, sister!

I don't wanna go in the tunnel of love with you, Rhonda.

Oh, you know you like me, Harold.

I do not.

Help! Let me go! Let me go!

HELGA: Move it!

Out of my way!

Make way!

Cuts!

(GULPS) Whoa!

Uh, excuse me, sorry.

(GIGGLES)

(GASPING)

(GRUNTING)

(GROANS)

PHOEBE: So, anyway, that's when we hit the weiner stand.

GERALD: Wow. Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay now.

SID: So, uh, nice night, huh?

GRANDMA: Faster! Faster!

Tunnel of love! Phooey!

I can't believe this is happening to me.

This is the worst day of my life!

(WHEEZING)

(GLASS BREAKING)

Well, I did it.

Operation Ruthless was a total success.

Man, Arnold, I'm sorry.

After all that,

Ruth still doesn't even know you exist.

Yeah, but you know something, Gerald?

The challenge just makes me like her even more.

(HONKING) Car!

Not again!

At this rate, we'll never finish the game.

GERALD: Car! (CAR HONKS)

It's taken us two days to play one inning.

GERALD: Car! (CAR HONKS)

(ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

Come on, we got a red light,

Let's get this show on the road.

Hey, wait, that's our ball.

That's it, I'm out of here.

Let me know when pigs fly, so we can finish this game

GERALD: Man, this truly stinks.

Yeah, but can we do?

The older kids hog the park and the playground is closed after school.

If we had our own field,

we could play where we wanted, when we wanted.

Our own field.

That would be perfect.

We can call it "Gerald Field."

Yeah, that's what we'll call it,

"Gerald Field."

Yeah? Yeah.

Yeah. (BOTH LAUGHING)

I like that name,

"Gerald Field."

GERALD: Just say it.

BOTH: Gerald Field.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Yeah, but who are we kidding?

Yeah.

We'll never find a place of our own.

Whoa...

Hey, man, why'd you stop?

The lot, don't you see?

So? I think I found our baseball field.

You're a bold kid, Arnold.

A bold kid.

Okay, you guys start clearing the weeds over there,

and I'll start here, and we'll meet in the middle.

This better be worth it, football head.

I was watching Court TV.

I christen this lot, "Gerald Field."

Let's play ball!

I got it.

(ALL CHEERING)

You're out!

(LAUGHS)

Strike one!

Strike two!

Strike three!

You're out!

You swing too hard, man.

Good idea, Arnold.

KID: Yeah, that was a blast.

Just think, this morning it was full of trash.

ARNOLD: And now, it's a baseball field.

BOTH: Our baseball field.

(CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

You know, I never noticed this before,

but there's a lot of space down here.

Where is our baseball field?

Isn't it wonderful, Arnie?

I've always wanted a bocce ball court.

You like horseshoes, Arnold?

There's nothing like a good game of horseshoes

to relax the old chopping arm.

But, our field!

How can we play baseball

with all this stuff in the way?

Hey, there's chickens in the outfield.

Forget the chickens,

there are checkers on the pitcher's mound.

Ha! King me.

Now what, football head?

Well, maybe we could try playing, anyway.

Strike one!

Strike? How could you tell?

I couldn't even see the pitch.

Hey! Not so close to the tomatoes, Nancy Jane.

Hey, I gotta keep one foot on the base.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Good chicken. Nice chicken.

I like fried chicken.

(SCREAMING) Get off me!

No! Stop pecking. No! Help!

I got it! I got it!

My flowers!

Arnold! This is no place for a baseball game!

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

We cleared the junk,

we pulled out the weeds,

our hands... These hands...

Look at these hands!

Uh-huh.

They claimed that lot.

It's not fair.

Yeah, look at us.

We're squeezing in like a bunch of sardines.

(SIGHING)

This is the life.

And grown-ups are always telling us what to do.

Yeah.

"Brush your teeth."

"Comb your hair."

"Can't play baseball here."

Rules, rules, rules. They've got rules for everything.

Hey, lady!

You can't play your croquet here.

This area for the potted plant.

It's a potting area.

But, this is where the croquet field is going.

You're both wrong!

This is where the checkers table is going.

This area for potted plants. Checkers table is going here.

This is where the croquet field is going.

"Be quiet."

"Sit down."

"Don't run in the house."

Yeah, always saying,

"Why don't you kids play nice?"

Out! Out! Out! What do you think you're doing?

I am planting my philodendrons.

You can't do that. This is the spot for my sweat tan!

Ha! You're gonna need a bigger spot than this

if you're gonna tan. Hey!

Your chickens pecked every one of my tomatoes!

You see, man, my chickens need some room to roam around.

You understand? Don't fence them in, man.

Oh, I won't fence them.

I'll fry them!

Hey, leave my chickens alone.

ALL: Run!

See? This wouldn't have happened

if we still had our baseball field.

(SCOFFING) Welcome to reality, bucko.

That's what happens when grown-ups rule the world.

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

Whoa, I never knew Mrs. Vitello had such a good right hook.

Or that Mr. Green had such a glass jaw.

(SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

GRANDPA: The heck!

MRS. VITELLO: Hey, I want an explanation for this.

Hey, Arnold, what are you, some kind of litter bug?

All of you, keep it down!

Now, if Arnold and his friends had to do this,

they must have had a good reason.

(SOFTLY) Head for the hills, boy, I'll try to slow them down.

It's okay, Grandpa. I know what we've done.

You see, this is how the lot was before we cleaned it up,

before we turned it into Gerald Field,

and before you guys kicked us out.

So, if you want Gerald Field so badly, you can have it just the way we found it.

A dump!

(GRUNTING)

I feel like a real heel.

Well, hey, man, you know what I mean,

we did steal their lot.

I wish there was something we could do.

Pull on your rubber boots, boys and girls,

it's gonna be a long night.

What happened to the lot?

Grandma? Grandpa?

I don't get it. What happened?

Well, boy, you sure showed us what's what.

We've got to fess up to the facts

that you kids were right and we were wrong.

In honor of your new baseball field,

I'd like to present you with a couple of brand-new, major league baseballs.

And, eight pounds of grade A oxtail stump.

(ALL CHEERING)

Wow, thanks Mr. Green. Thanks everybody.

Well, there's only one thing to do at a time like this.

Play ball!

Play ball!

ALL: Play ball!

Everybody, let's play ball!

Play ball! Play ball!

Play ball! Play ball! Play ball! Play ball!

Play ball! Play ball! Play ball! Play ball!

GRANDPA: Will you be quiet?

(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)