Original subtitles

Helga: Arnold!

( barking )

Hey, arnold!

( glass shatters )

( girl shrieks )

Helga: Hey, arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold!

Arnold!

[captioning sponsored by The u.S. Department of education

And nickelodeon]

Ar-nold!

Move it, Football head!

Kids: Hey, arnold!

Arnold: You really think

They're looking At us?

It's us, man.

They're looking Right at us.

They must be at least

In sixth grade.

They are Checking us out.

How do you know?

Maybe they think we're goofs.

Arnold, I know.

And believe me

The last thing they think we are Are goofs.

Look at those goofs.

They're cute, though, In a goofy way.

At least they're not jerks Like tommy and burt.

Get off me, You moron!

Don't call me a moron, You moron!

( laughing )

Some boyfriends.

Where do they get off

Busting their attitude Like that?

No duh.

Bet we could make Them come over.

The goofs?

You think?

You're bad, maria, I swear.

See, I told you?

They want us To come over there.

Are you sure?

Come on, arnold, Older women.

What have we got to lose?

Now, act casual.

Hey, ladies.

How you doing?

Hey, how you doing?

So, you live Around here?

Yeah, we live around here. Do you?

Yeah.

Yeah, we live Around here.

( laughing )

So what grade Are you in?

Uh, we're in the, uh...

The sixth grade.

Aren't you guys Kind of short

To be in sixth?

Yeah, well, um...

You know how it is, I mean...

We never ate Our vegetables.

Yeah, yeah, That's right.

No cauliflower for us.

Stunted our growth.

( laughing )

Boy: Hey, maria!

Come over here!

Hey, vato, You come over here.

Come over here!

Come over here.

Aw, forget you!

Forget you!

Psst, hey, maria.

Conference.

What do you think They're saying?

I don't know, sixth Grade girl stuff.

Just stay cool.

Me?! You stay cool.

Want to go to a dance Saturday night?

Huh?! Well, sure, We could do that.

Right, arnold?

Yeah, we could Do that.

Pick us up at 6:30.

That's my address, And por favor

Don't be late.

Okay.

Bye.

Well, thank you.

Arnold: "Thank you"?

( grunting )

Hey!

This really ought To cheese them off.

Yeah, they'll Be watching us

Hanging out with those Cute little chicos.

It'll make them locos.

Maria, come over here!

Maria!

( knocking on door )

Hey, happening dude

I got us some funky threads.

Huh?

I found this In my attic.

It's my dad's

Dating trunk.

It's got everything We need.

See?

Nehru jackets, Platform shoes

Puka shells.

Cologne, eau de oeuf.

and... This!

cool moves fo' happening dudes?

Arnold, these are Sophisticated ladies.

If we act like We usually do

They'll know we're squares.

But with this book

We'll be The coolest kids At the dance.

If you want to be A happening dude

You need to learn The lingo.

For instance, when you introduce Yourself to a young lady

Try this line:

"Hey, mama, you are one Outasight, freaky chick."

Let me see that.

"The happening dude Is always cool

And knows The right thing to say."

I don't know.

Maybe we should Call this off.

Call it off?!

Are you kidding?!

Listen, arnold, All our lives

We've been Looked down on

Because we were Too little

Or too young, Or too immature.

But tonight, we've got Our chance to be big shots.

We've got a chance to go out With sixth grade girls.

That's a chance that only comes Along once in a lifetime.

And I say, we take it!

Who knows? We might even get a kiss.

So what do you say?

You with me, man?

You're right, gerald.

By night's end

I'll be kissed by A sixth grade girl.

Now you're talking!

Let me see that book.

"Far out dance steps For swinging hipsters."

( playing funky music )

( knocking on door )

Man ( gruffly ): Yeah?

Uh, I-I-is maria here?

You're pretty short For sixth graders.

Well, uh, we didn't Eat our vegetables.

Stunted our growth.

No cauliflower for us.

( chuckles awkwardly )

( clears throat )

Sir?

Nuts?!

No thanks, sir.

That's okay.

I'll pass.

( bellows ): Maria, come over here!

So, you guys ready?

I didn't know we were Going to take a cab.

What does the book say?

Hmm... Transportation, Transportation.

Um, buses, trains

Rickshaws... Cabs!

"A happening dude Always pays

His foxy lady's Cab fare."

( quietly ): Aw, man!

( whirring )

How much money You got?

Community center.

$6.90.

( dance music playing )

Dig the vibe, man.

Act cool.

Huh?

Page 18.

Come on, vato, Let's cruise.

I'm cool.

Yo, gerald, let's go.

I'm hip to that, Pretty mama

Out of sight!

Hey, tommy, look, There's

Connie and maria.

Hey, who they with?

Looks like a couple Of shrimpy guys.

What goes on here?

Hey, maria?

Who's the shrimp?

Buzz off, tommy

I'm with my date, You know?

But, maria!

What goes on?

I need some punch.

( starts record )

Hey, do you Guys dance?

Dance?

Natch, babe.

Me and gerald

Are hip To the groove

Foxy mama.

Dy-no-mite!

( dance music playing )

Remember our moves, Man.

I'm cool.

( chuckling )

( cheering )

( cheering )

( music stops )

( cheering and applause )

Hit me again, melvin.

Connie: So where did you guys Learn to dance, anyways?

Well, you know Happening dudes like us

We just pick up The groove, you dig?

Yeah, we're cool, Chickie-baby.

You guys crack me up.

Yo, connie.

Don't look now

But the stupidos Are checking us out.

Bet they're really Cheesed off.

Boy, I'm really Cheesed off.

Who do they think They are, anyways?

( laughing )

I think we're doing Pretty good, don't you?

Yeah. They Have no idea

We're only Fourth graders.

This is shaping up

To be the greatest night Of our lives!

All we got To do is stay cool.

escuchame, Listen.

We're visiting The powder room

But we'll be back.

Don't dance with Anyone else, okay?

( both sigh )

Hit me again, Melvin.

I think perhaps You've had enough.

I'll tell you When I've had enough!

Hit me!

Arnold, this is Going great.

I can't believe it.

Gerald, tonight

I'm going to get That kiss.

Tommy: Get that what?!

You two punks think

You can steal Our girls?

We should teach You a lesson.

Hey, we didn't Do anything!

Yeah, we just came to dig The vibes and hang out.

Hang out with Our girlfriends.

Yeah, maybe we should Hang youse out.

( chanting ): Fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight, fight, Fight, fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight, Fight, fight, fight

Fight, fight, fight, Fight, fight, fight...

Look, you're dudes, We're dudes.

Can't we work Something out?

Sure, we can work Something out.

How about we work your arm Out of its socket?

Yeah, then we beat them Over the head with it.

( crowd cheering and shouting )

Maria: Hey, you guys!

What goes on here?

( crowd gasps )

Nothing.

It don't look Like nothing.

We were just talking.

Tommy, you Let him go.

Now!

Yeah, you, too, burt.

I just want to say

I'm disgusted With you two.

We're sorry, maria.

Yeah, we're sorry, Connie.

We're just jealous, That's all.

( crowd laughs )

It's true.

Whatever, just...

You get out of here.

Go wait for us at the bus stop.

( crowd murmuring )

No good, big shot Boyfriends.

And what are you geeks Looking at?!

The show's over.

( crowd murmuring )

Yo, I'm sorry we Led you guys on.

'cause you're real Cute and all.

'cept, I don't know why

But we still got this thing For them.

Yeah, I don't know why, either.

So, you were just Playing with us?

You didn't Really like us?

It's not that We don't like you.

Yeah, we like you, I mean

You're pretty cool For fourth graders.

It's just...

You're fourth graders, You know?

Hey, hey, come on.

Soon, you'll Be growing up.

And girls Will be

Looking at you.

Connie: Yeah. And if you Stay as sweet

As you are now

Who knows? Maybe maria and me

Will be looking at you, too.

Really?

It could happen.

Yeah. So, thanks for

Taking us To the dance.

Yeah.

( kissing )

( prolonged kiss )

Tommy: Maria, come over here.

Tommy, you come Over here.

See you later, Chickie-baby.

( blows kiss )

Just come Over here.

Why are you always Doing that?

Doing what?

That thing You always do.

Ah, I ain't Doing nothing.

Strike one, Head boy!

What a wussy swing.

Okay, move in

This guy can't hit.

Just you and me, arnold.

Your old stick Against my brand-new

Triple-stitched, imitation Major league baseball.

Kids: Come on, Hit one over, arnold.

Come on, man Get a home run!

Oh!

Strike two!

( laughing )

Come on, arnold, Paste it, man!

Ooh, arnold, Who do you think you are?

Mickey kaline or something?

Yeah, that's right, I'm mickey kaline.

( grunts )

( crack )

Wow.

Kids: That was great.

My ball, my ball

My brand-new ball.

( wailing )

Gerald: Man, that was great.

I pretended I was mickey kaline

And bam, I hit it.

One thing I don't get.

Who's mickey kaline?

Who's mickey kaline?

You got to be kidding.

Uh...

No.

( sighs )

Now you've Done it, man.

This is mickey kaline

My favorite player Of all time.

533 home runs

Lifetime batting average Of .299

One point below .300.

Mickey married his high School sweetheart, shirley

Wears a size 13 shoe

And goes by the nickname chet.

Mickey kaline is the greatest Baseball player who ever lived.

Man: Kaline's a bum!

Huh?

What's going on?

Kaline's striking out.

What else is new?

Announcer: I tell you, It's sad to see.

This once great slugger is now

A mere shadow Of his former self.

I hate to see kaline Go out like this.

What's he talking about?

Mickey kaline's retiring.

( gasps )

What?

No way!

Tomorrow's his last game

And the day after that

The team starts to win.

Strike three!

The big man Goes down swinging.

The world may never see Another mickey kaline.

Do you hear that, gerald?

Tomorrow's mickey kaline's Last game.

We got to go.

But how?

we don't have any money.

I'll get the money, gerald.

Somehow, some way. You'll see.

( sighs )

( knocking on door )

Hey, what's eating you, Short man?

Mickey kaline Is retiring.

That old fat guy?

I thought he was dead.

No, grandpa, he's still alive, But...

Tomorrow's his last game

And I don't have Enough money to go.

Say, what about The money you got

From that dog-washing Business?

Yeah! I forgot about that.

Man, I hope

There's still something left.

( coins jingling )

Yeah!

I've got enough!

Thanks, grandpa

You think of everything.

( laughs )

All it takes to make a kid happy

Is an extra five bucks.

Hey, wait a minute.

I had a 50 in here!

Arnold, come back!

So how much have you got?

Enough for a couple of cheap Bleacher seats.

I had more, but grandpa Took back his $50 bill.

Hey, as long as I get A nice big jumbo frank

Maybe some peanuts...

Uh... No, gerald.

All we've got is enough For the tickets

And maybe one hot dog.

One hot dog?

That really bites, man.

Man: Unless you want Something a little cheaper.

Two tickets, half price, eh?

Arnold: Let's see, section q.

Section q.

Excuse me, sir, Can you tell us

Where our seats are?

( laughing )

Announcer: Another solid base hit

And the score is all knotted up.

How lucky the crowd must feel

To witness this amazing game.

Can you see anything?

Yeah, one of those Little dots is running past

One of those other Little dots.

( growling )

All: Go, red! Go, red!

It can't get any worse Than this, gerald.

( cracking )

Did some plaster just Fall on my head?

Come on, arnold, Crack a smile.

You're right, gerald.

Maybe I can't See mickey

But... I'm here

And I'm going To make the best of it.

Peanuts!

That's it, I'm out of here!

Where are you going, Arnold?

To the lower level.

Arnold, wait!

If they catch Us down here

They'll throw us out.

I don't care.

I came here to see Mickey kaline

And I'm going to take My chances.

Man: Hey, you kids Sitting in this level?

Come back here, you lousy kid!

Run, arnold, run!

Run, arnold...

Hey!

Watch the hair.

( people cheering )

( people applauding )

( panting )

There he is, Get him!

Announcer: Next up, number 3

Mickey kaline.

( organ fanfare )

( crowd cheering )

Announcer: Well, folks, this is

Mickey kaline's last at bat.

This is indeed An historic moment.

Kill the umpire!

( crack )

Announcer: It's a long fly ball.

He really got a hold Of that one.

That ball is Really spinning.

And the ball is caught By a little boy

With a football-shaped head.

Hey, that's arnold.

Arnold caught the ball.

Look at that Weird little kid run.

( laughing )

Oh, that-a-boy, arnold. That's my grandson.

You got a piece Of history there.

Like the declaration of Independence or something.

I'll give you $400 for it.

No thanks, mr. Green.

I'll never let this baby Out of my sight.

Now, now, Leave him alone.

Let the boy bask In his glory in peace.

Hey, look, it's kaline.

Mickey, your last at bat And you hit a home run.

How do you feel?

Well, to tell you The truth, fritz

I got real mixed feelings.

I feel great About hitting the home run

But, uh, well, baseball's Been my whole life

And I'm going to miss it a lot.

A whole lot. ( sniffling )

Oh, sorry about that.

It's okay, mick.

We'll be back with The out-of-town scores in...

( weeping ): Just a minute...

$400 and all the rump roast You can eat.

( everyone clamoring )

( knocking on door )

You okay, arnold?

Yeah, but I guess I'm kind of mixed up.

Why?

You went to your Favorite player's last game

You caught a home run On television.

What's the problem?

I don't know.

It's just, Mickey's given me so much.

I wish there was some way I could give him something back.

Well, maybe you can.

What do you mean, grandpa?

I think you know What I mean.

If you need me, I'll have the Packard running.

( chuckles )

Mr. Kaline?

Hey, kid. Looking for an autograph?

Well, not exactly.

Here, it's the home run ball You hit this afternoon.

I thought you might want it.

You know, kid, Since I was seven years old

The only thing I ever wanted To do was play baseball.

I loved every minute of it

From the first time I played Catch with my dad

To the home run I hit this afternoon.

Well, thanks, kid.

No, thank you, mr. Kaline.

Well, I better get home.

My grandpa's waiting for me Out in the car.

Hey, kid.

You ever hear of the time I faced bob gibson

In the world series, Two down, no men on?

No.

It was a hot day In october.

Gibson was throwing Like a man on fire.

I was just a young kid Fresh from the farm

With a $50 suit And a bat I'd never used.

Had a uniform That didn't fit me...

[captioning sponsored by The u.S. Department of education

And nickelodeon]