Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go.

HELGA: Arnold!

-(YOWLING) -(BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(OPENING THEME MUSIC)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

-(SIREN WAILING) -Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

One for you.

One for you.

One for you.

Oh. Uh, hello, Helga.

Why don't you take a picture?

It'll last longer, dweeb.

(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY) Yeah.

I wonder why Helga is not invited to Rhonda's party.

Well, it is a girl party.

Helga is a girl.

She is?

Oh, yeah. I always forget.

So, Phoebe, what do you want to do Saturday night?

Goof on the geeks at the video arcade?

I was thinking of going to Rhonda's party.

They're gonna do makeovers and stuff.

Rhonda's party?

You're not seriously going to that, are you?

Well, no. I mean...

Well, uh, I know you didn't get an invitation, and...

I didn't want an invitation.

Why would I want to go to a stupid girly party?

Yeah, I figured. But, I was just thinking,

I don't know, it might be interesting.

(SCOFFING) Interesting? Yeah, right!

-But, Helga... -No!

Go! Go to Rhonda's party, and have your little makeovers.

It's no snot out of my nose.

I've got a million better things to do on a Saturday night

than be stuck in a room with a bunch of sissy girls!

Fine.

(PANTING) I got it. I got it!

(SIGHING GRIMLY) I don't got it.

Okay, 100 points for me.

Smack it again!

Wait a minute.

You can't play.

This game is boys only.

Says who, pink boy?

Says, uh...

Sid. Yeah, tell her, Sid.

Please, don't hurt me.

Look, Helga,

we're having a boys only game since all the girls are having

a girls only slumber party.

Hey, wait a minute,

how come you're not at the slumber party?

Oh, yeah, I forgot.

You weren't invited 'cause you're not girl enough.

Shut up! That's not true.

I was invited, I just didn't want to go.

(TAUNTING) Helga's not a girl.

Helga's not a girl.

Helga's not a girl.

Helga's not a girl.

Helga's not a girl.

Helga's not a girl.

That's it, Harold, you're dead.

(SCREAMING)

-Come back here, you big... -HAROLD: (SCREAMING)

You know, Gerald, I almost feel sorry for her.

The key word there is "Almost."

"Not girl enough."

(SPITEFULLY) What a bunch of crap!

I am too a girl.

I'm pretty. I'm feminine!

I'm delicate.

MAN: Oh, excuse me, young man.

I'm a girl!

GIRLS: (GIGGLING)

(LAUGHING)

And then, Helga goes,

"I ought to deck you, fat boy!"

ALL: (LAUGHING)

I don't sound like that.

I ought to deck them all! Oh.

Out of my way, geek face.

Et tu, Phoebe?

I'll show them feminine.

I'll show them all.

They'll be sorry they ever messed with Helga G. Pataki.

Hello, Helga, how are you?

Oh, fine. Fine, Mrs. Johanssen.

Just, picking up my usual magazines.

Nothing out of the ordinary here.

(BUZZING)

Yo, Yolanda!

How much for this copy of Preteen Miss?

(SHOUTING) Preteen Miss?

Yeah, Preteen Miss.

You know, the one with the feature on

how to make ugly girls pretty.

(LAUGHING WITH EMBARRASSMENT)

How did that get in there?

Oh, well, I might as well take it.

I can probably use it to, uh...

To line my bird cage with.

Yeah, that's it. (LAUGHING EMBARRASSEDLY)

Hmm.

Am I a fire-engine red, or a purly pink?

(DOORKNOB RATTLING)

MIRIAM: What's going on in there?

Are you all right?

I'm fine, Mother!

Can't I have few moments of peace in the bathroom?

Criminy!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

MIRIAM: Your father needs to use the bathroom, now!

HELGA: Okay! Okay!

There! Satisfied?

(GASPING) Oh, my!

HELGA: Hm, maybe I should have gone a bit lighter on the eye shadow.

Hey, you guys, I just saw Helga.

She's on her way to Rhonda's party,

and she's all dolled up

(SOFTLY) like a girl!

Helga? Like a girl?

This I gotta see.

I say, all of us guys go over there right now,

and crash their party.

ALL: Yeah, let's go!

-(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -(DOORBELL RINGING)

Helga?

Rhonda, darling, great to see ya.

Sorry I'm late.

-What are we doing, ladies? -(GLASS BREAKING)

Polishing our nails?

Helga, you look...

-Great! -Oh, this old thing?

Just something I had lying around the house.

It's all the rage this season, though.

(GIGGLING)

I brought some of my old makeup,

in case you wanted any tips.

Nadine, dear, that pink nail polish

makes your fingers look awfully stubby,

don't you think?

I'd say you're really more of a coral.

Uh, Helga,

can I talk to you for a minute?

Not now, dear.

Oh, yes, Nadine, you're definitely a coral.

Okay, is everybody ready for facials? Helga?

Oh, Rhonda, you are so...

Chante.

I can feel my pores opening already.

Helga, can I have a word with you?

Well...

I'll be right back, ladies.

I have to share a private moment

with one of my plainer acquaintances.

Helga, what are you doing?

Getting a facial.

You never use to like this girly stuff.

That's the old Helga.

The new Helga can be just as beautiful as the next girl.

Yeah, well, I like the old Helga better.

At least, she was honest.

She'd never pretend to like all this stuff just to fit in with the crowd.

If you ask me,

you're just jealous because I'm more feminine and womanly.

(SLURPING AND GULPING)

(BURPING)

And now, if you'll excuse me,

this gorgeous kisser has got a date

with a bowl of guacamole.

(FAINT LAUGH)

(SIGHING)

(GASPING)

Okay, Helga, you're next.

Gee, I am?

Wow.

Okay, give me the works.

Stop!

-What's wrong? -I'll tell you what's wrong.

This is stupid! That's what is wrong.

But, Helga,

this mask will help reduce wrinkles and signs of aging.

We don't have wrinkles!

We don't have signs of aging.

We're nine years old!

Oh, this is gonna be great.

When they see all of us in the window,

they're gonna scream bloody murder.

You know, Helga, maybe we were wrong about you.

Maybe you're not like the rest of us.

You're right, Rhonda.

I'm not like the rest of you.

I'm not wearing a mask!

ALL: (GASPING)

HELGA: I mean, look at us. Tin foil in our hair,

glop on our faces,

high heeled shoes?

Why are we wearing these?

-(GLASS BREAKING) -We're already taller than the boys.

But, Helga, this is what girls do.

I mean, what could be more fun than this?

Yeah, what, Helga?

-ALL: Yeah. -(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Did you hear something?

(SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING)

The horror. The horror!

Come back here, you chicken...

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Should we go back and help him?

(PANTING)

Are you kidding? It's every man for himself.

(WHIMPERING)

Well, well, well. Lookie what we got here.

Help!

RHONDA: What do you think?

Burnt copper or coral pink?

Help! Let me go!

Let me go!

Now, this is what I call a good party.

You said it, Helga.

Hey, Arnold!

Careful with that lever there.

It swings the wrecking ball.

Now, move it slowly toward you.

That's it. A little more.

Wait, wait, wait.

I almost forgot.

(PLAYING DINO SPUMONI SONG) ♪ I'll smash a vase, the radio

♪ Those little teacups from Limoges... ♪

Ah, Dino Spumoni.

It was before your time, one of the greats.

This song first inspired me to get into demolitions.

I always play it when I'm knocking things down.

It scares the bricks.

Go ahead.

Pull the lever.

Cool.

You're a natural.

I ought to take you on as an apprentice.

You'd do that for me?

Sure. You've got the knack.

Now, first thing we gotta do is get you a nickname.

Cool. How about "The Terminator"?

Nah, too dramatic.

Wait, wait. I got it.

The perfect nickname for you.

-Bill. -Bill? That's a nickname?

Yeah, it's a great nickname.

Come on, meet the rest of the crew.

Hey, Ernie man, what's shaking, huh?

You mean besides your gut?

So, this is the kid I've been telling you about, Bill.

-Glad to meet you, Billy. -(CRUSHING)

You here to help Ernie celebrate joining the 500 Club?

Uh...

Yeah, uh, Arnold, I've been meaning to ask you,

we've got kind of a tradition here.

At your five hundredth demolition,

your son gets to sit in the wrecking rig with you.

Only...

I never met the right woman, see so...

It's a little short notice for me to come up with a son by Wednesday.

And well, what I mean to say...

Arnold is...

I'd love to.

(GRUNTING)

Hi, Grandma.

Sorry, no time for small talk, kiddo.

We gotta save the Circle theater.

We do?

They wanna tear it down

and put in an 18 screen multiplex.

One of those surround sound, air conditioned,

plush seat, big screen deals.

Oh, boy, sounds...

Huh?

Horrible.

That's right.

The Circle Theater is the place where

Dino Spumoni got his big break.

Grandpa and I had our first date there.

(SINGING) Darling, you left my heart

♪ In pieces on the floor

♪ So, tell me why shouldn't I

♪ Break some things of yours ♪

That Spumoni, he's the dreamiest.

Would you like to dance?

I'd love to.

♪ The radio

♪ Those little teacups from Limoges

♪ Your wacky paintings on the walls

♪ Darling, pow! I'll smash them all ♪

So, will you help me, Arnold?

You bet, Grandma.

I'd be glad to help you.

Yo, Bill. Come here.

You still doing that exercise I taught you?

Yup.

BOTH: Reach, pull, reach, pull!

Good boy.

Do that every day,

and when the big moment comes you'll be ready.

ARNOLD: Thanks, Ernie.

This is the set-up, you see?

Cool.

I got the little lever here.

Circle Theater? Oh, no.

ERNIE: (LAUGHING)

Now, watch what happens when I do this.

Boom! Perfect! Did you see that?

Did you see what I did there?

(GULPS) Yeah. I saw.

Ah, come Wednesday, when you and I pull that lever together,

it's gonna be the proudest day of my life.

The day I finally join the 500 Club.

Woo-hoo. And you'll be there right by my side, kid,

like the son I never had, right Arnold?

You won't let me down, will ya?

I've been let down a lot in my life.

I don't know if I can take one more disappointment,

son.

Uh, you can count on me, Ernie.

Oh, Arnold, I just wanted to thank you for helping me

on the big campaign.

It's you and me, Arnold,

standing together, side by side,

against them all.

You won't let me down, will ya?

Uh, no, Grandma.

You can count on me.

Hey, Grandpa,

I was wondering if I could talk to you.

I've kind of got a problem.

(LAUGHING) Well, shoot, Shortman.

(GROANING)

Grandma seems to be counting on me to help her save the Circle Theater.

And, I really wanna help her.

Of course, you do. It's a great cause.

No problem!

And Ernie is kind of counting on me to help him knock down the Circle Theater.

He says I'm like a son to him.

Besides, I get to drive a wrecking ball.

Well, like I always say,

how many chances are you going to get to drive a wrecking ball.

No problem.

No, you see,

I told Grandma I'd help save the same building I told Ernie I'd help destroy.

Now, you got a problem.

I know that.

But, what do I do?

Well,

there's only one thing you can do.

Uh, well,

what you could do is...

Shoot far! Time to take my medication already.

I'll get back to you, boy. Don't call me, I'll call you.

I know. I'll just tell them both that I want out, that's all.

They're adults, they'll understand.

Hey, Arnold,

ask your Grandma there, to pass the potatoes.

That is unless she wants to preserve them

for another 500 years.

Here you go, Arnold.

Tell your friend I'm sorry they aren't mashed.

But, he probably wants to do that himself.

Finished?

Stop it!

You'd knock down the Statue of Liberty if it got a gray hair.

You'd save a pile of dog droppings on the street

if George Washington once stepped in it.

Come here and say that, demolition man.

Yeah? You want a piece of this?

Oh, yeah? You homewrecker!

This is ridiculous!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

Oh, now look what you've done.

ERNIE: Me? GRANDMA: You've upset the boy.

ERNIE: He's mad at you! GRANDMA: End of discussion.

ERNIE: Reach up, reach up.

Boom! It's progress.

GRANDMA: Grandpa and I had our first date here.

Dino Spumoni...

Our first date.

ERNIE: This song first inspired me to go into demolitions.

Dino Spumoni...

(DIALING)

Pookie, have you lost your mind?

Why don't you listen to reason for once in your life and come home?

Nothing doing.

I'm gonna save this building.

By yourself?

No, I've got Arnold with me.

Well, I don't see him.

He'll be here. He'll be here.

This building is about to come down.

I parked my carcass right here and I'm not moving!

Where are you, Arnold?

Come nine o'clock you'll change your tune,

and I'll get my five hundredth demolition.

Hurry up, Bill.

Wait! Wait! Stop the show!

BOTH: Arnold, you came!

Ladies and gentlemen,

as mayor of our fair city,

I have an announcement to make.

I thought we recalled her.

But first, to say a few words about the Circle Theater,

let me introduce a man who needs no introduction,

Mr. Dino Spumoni.

Dino Spumoni!

(CROWD CHEERING)

How you's all doing?

I want to thank a very special little boy,

named Arnold,

who brought this situation to my attention.

You know, folks, the Circle has got a lot of history for me.

I sang some of my best numbers here.

Punched some of the finest photographers in the world.

Pow! Right in the kisser.

But that's another story.

The point is, this boy here,

got me and the Mayor together,

and we realized, we gotta save this fine old building for posteriority.

I hereby declare, the old Circle Theater,

a city landmark.

(CROWD CHEERING)

Of course, the Circle Theater.

You were the reason I decided to go into demolitions.

That song of yours.

(SINGING OFF KEY) ♪ Darling

♪ You left my heart

♪ In pieces on the floor

Tony, get me out of here.

Limo and out.

Dino, wait! Come back!

I want you to sign my head.

You did it, Arnold. You saved the theater.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Thanks, Arnold.

You stopped me from making a terrible mistake.

Tearing down Dino's theater,

it would have been a sacrilege.

And, the next building I tear down,

my real five hundredth,

it'll be you and me, kid.

In the end, it was you and me.

Hey, crazy lady, he came through for me.

In your dreams. He came through for me!

ERNIE: Me! GRANDMA: For me!

What's wrong with you? Your ears pitted?

Darn, I said me!

(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

♪ Darling, you left my heart

♪ In pieces on the floor

♪ So, tell me why shouldn't I

♪ Break some things of yours

♪ I'll smash your lamp

♪ The antique chair

♪ That stupid thing you always wear

♪ I'll smash a vase

♪ The radio

♪ Those little teacups from Limoges

♪ Your wacky paintings on the walls

♪ Darling, pow! I'll smash them all

♪ Lover, it's just a game

♪ Cupid can take the blame

♪ I'll take the place apart

♪ But don't worry

♪ I won't smash your heart

♪ Not me

♪ Maybe some other clown

♪ But I'm not gonna smash your heart baby

♪ You're talking to Dino over here ♪