Original subtitles

MAN: Here we go. HELGA: Arnold.

(YOWLING) (BARKING)

Hey, Arnold!

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

(CRASHING)

(SCREAMS)

Hey, Arnold!

Arnold.

Arnold.

(SIREN WAILING) Arnold.

Arnold.

Move it, football head!

ALL: Hey, Arnold!

(EAGLE SCREAMS)

MAN: Hey, Arnold.

ALL: Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.

ALARM CLOCK: (RINGING) Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.

Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold. Hey, Arnold.

Mmm.

(SIGHING)

(BELL RINGING)

Eat up, Tex.

You'll need your strength for the cattle drive.

Yeah, right, Grandma.

That's "Calamity Grandma."

And take off your hat

while you're in the ranch house, Tex.

Why, you've got the manners of an old billy goat.

Grandma,

you know I never take off my hat.

Yeah, once a cowboy, always a cowboy.

Gerald, I think the problem with this kite

is in its aerodynamics.

Well, I think the problem with this kite

is it won't fly.

Maybe, if we add more knots to the tail.

Ah!

I better get this home fast, before it dries.

(CAT SCREECHING)

(HELGA PANTING)

It's so beautiful!

A monument to my beloved.

And yet,

something is missing.

But, what could it be?

Hmm.

Why don't we try without the tail?

Face it, Arnold, your kite bites.

(SIGHING) Come on, Gerald.

Why won't you give up?

This kite doesn't belong in the sky,

it belongs in a trash can.

ARNOLD: (SIGHING) Gerald.

Ahhh!

Gerald, this kite's gonna fly.

I guarantee it.

Helga, you're a genius.

Oops.

(SCREAMING)

What do I have to do, anyway?

All I want is his stupid hat!

That's all.

And world domination.

But right now, just the hat.

Is that too much to ask?

See? I told you I can make it fly.

Hey, my hat!

I'll never get it! Never, never, never!

No matter what I do, I'll never get Arnold's hat!

Hey! Arnold's hat!

I knew I'd get it.

I knew it all the time.

Oh, Arnold, my love.

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

It is finished.

(COCKTAIL MUSIC PLAYING)

What's that you're saying?

I dance divinely?

My eyes are lovely?

You've never seen a more beautiful girl?

I knew you couldn't fight your true feelings for me.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(DOORKNOB RATTLING)

MIRIAM: Helga!

(KNOCK AT DOOR) The door's locked, honey.

What are you doing in there?

(MUFFLED) Coming, Mother.

MIRIAM: Okay, bye.

GERALD: It's no big deal, Arnold.

It's just a hat.

Why don't you go buy another one?

You don't understand, Gerald,

my hat is special.

It's part of me.

It's all in your mind, Arnold.

You look fine without it.

Hey, Arnold,

what happened?

Did you get a bad haircut or something?

No, Mr. Green, I lost my hat.

Hey, Arnold, what's with your head?

Did you lose a fight with a lawnmower?

No, just my hat.

Hey, Arnold, are you sick?

Man, you look terrible.

See, Gerald, it's no good.

It's just not the same without my hat.

(DOOR CLOSES)

ANNOUNCER ON TV: Oh, it's hat day

at today's game. Just look at the crowd.

Forty thousand hats on 40,000 heads.

Hats as far the eye can see.

There's a hat and there's a hat.

And, there's another hat. And over there,

hats.

Hats, hats, hats, hats, hats, hats, hats, hat... (TV STATIC)

MILES: Here's your very own hat, Arnold.

Oh, look at the little man.

STELLA: You in that hat, Arnold,

you're perfect, just like that.

MILES: What a guy. STELLA: Yeah.

GERALD: Arnold! Hey, Arnold!

(ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING FAINTLY OUTSIDE)

Come on, kids.

Free ice cream!

The Jolly Olly Man's gone insane!

He's passing out free ice cream.

Come on down!

No! I'm not coming out without my hat!

Ever! For the rest of my life!

Okay.

More ice cream for me.

Oh. Oh, my beloved.

What havoc have I wrought,

tampering with the laws of nature?

I must right this terrible and grievous wrong,

and restore to you

that which makes you the Arnold I worship and adore.

I must retrieve your precious hat,

and restore it to your most hallowed brow.

Out of my way, Fat Boy!

(GASPS)

(HELGA SHRIEKING)

Mom! Mom!

Pass the Tabasco, dear.

Uh, did you happen to see a collection of seemingly useless junk

randomly arranged behind a curtain in my closet,

for no apparent reason?

MIRIAM: Uh-huh, dear, I threw it all out.

What?

(SCREAMS)

Wait! Come back!

(COUGHING)

Stupid sanitation engineers.

I've got to get that hat back!

(TOILET FLUSHES) (KNOCKING AT DOOR)

How's it going, Shortman?

Mmm. Okay, I guess.

Oh, Arnold, I know you feel all wrong without your hat.

I felt the same way when my hair fell out.

I tried every trick in the book

to hide my bare top,

but then I realized it didn't matter.

My head looked different,

but I was still the same person

I've always been.

You are who you are because of what is on the inside,

not the outside.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

But, I just can't get used to it.

Well, you think about what I said.

I'd talk to you some more

but I don't wanna miss my stories.

GRANDPA: You are who you are

because of what's on the inside

not the outside.

The inside,

not the outside.

Are you listening, Arnold?

The inside, not the outside.

I'm gonna do it.

Yuck!

I can't believe this!

Three hours of digging through garbage,

I just gotta find that hat!

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)

Uh-oh.

Phew!

(PIGEON CALLING)

(GASPING)

Eureka! I found it!

Now, to return it to its rightful place,

atop the darling head of my beloved.

Ready when you are, buddy.

Hey, Arnold, you're looking good.

Have you been working out?

Hey, Arnold, did you get a new haircut?

It looks nice.

Whoa, Arnold, man,

did anybody ever tell you look like some sort of

sun-bronzed Greek god these days?

See? I told you no big deal.

Hey, the next time you get in my bus,

make sure you take a shower, little lady!

Yeah, yeah. Stick it in your ear, pal!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(LOVINGLY) Arnold. Sorry, Helga.

I mean, watch where you're going, football head!

(GASPS) Helga! You found my hat!

Oh, is that your hat?

I can't believe it!

Thanks, Helga! Thanks a lot!

(SHUDDERS)

Yuck! Who said you could touch me?

Sorry, I couldn't help it.

You trying to make me sick or something?

Take your stupid hat and get out of here!

Okay. Thanks again, Helga.

(EXCLAIMING ADORINGLY)

I'll never wash these clothes again.

GERALD: Okay, Arnold, your turn to kick off.

BOY: Car.

(HONKING)

Okay, go for just inside the brown moving van.

Right. HAROLD: Move up, you guys,

Arnold can't kick.

(CHATTERING)

Yeah, Arnold,

try not to hurt your little dainty toezy-wozy.

(LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)

"Toezy-wozy" this.

Whoa!

What a kick! (BALL BOUNCING)

It's unbelievable.

(CHATTERING)

BOY: Oops.

Of all the stoops in the world, it had to land on his.

Nice going, Arnold.

Nice going, jerk.

Well, maybe if we just ask for the football, real nice.

You know Stoop Kid never lets anybody near his stoop.

Yeah, I heard he punched a guy just for touching his stoop.

Well, I heard he killed a kid just for looking at his stoop.

The story of Stoop Kid is a legend,

passed down from grade to grade

for over six years.

And our own Gerald is the keeper of the tale.

Go ahead, Gerald. Tell it.

ALL: Ooh!

(CLEARING THROAT)

The Legend of Stoop Kid.

In the beginning, like so many of us,

Stoop Kid was just a baby,

a baby left mysteriously

on the stoop of that very building.

(THUNDER CRACKING)

(BABY CRYING) Some say he was abandoned there.

Others say that he was dropped there from the sky by aliens.

And still others say that he grew from a seed

lodged between the cracks of the sidewalk.

Whatever the reason, lo and behold,

tiny Stoop Kid was left to raise himself

on the stoop at which he was fated to call his home.

And as he grew,

he came to know and love his stoop as his only family.

But, there's also a dark side.

(THUNDER CRACKING)

Embittered by the love and normal boyhood

that were stolen from him,

Stoop Kid became meaner and meaner by the day.

He began to lash out at the passers-by,

taking out upon them,

the anger of a young, loveless child.

He became so protective of his stoop,

that whom so much as looked at it,

would face the wrath of the Stoop Kid.

His accusatory barbs and, yeah, even physical violence.

The end.

Good job, Gerald.

Thanks.

So, what's the point?

So, the point is, Arnold,

you ain't getting your football back.

So, forget about it, man.

(INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY)

Hi.

Uh...

How's it going?

I guess that my, uh,

football landed on your stoop, huh?

Go ahead, pick it up.

Nah, that's okay. I'll just leave it here for now.

No big deal. See ya! (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

This is gonna be harder than I thought.

(CAR HORN BLARING)

(DOG BARKING)

What are you looking at, grandma?

Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you.

Come on, Bibi.

Just keep away from my stoop.

(GARBAGE CAN RATTLING)

Hey, Park!

Oh, sorry, Arnold. I forgot you were in there.

Are you sure you don't wanna come inside?

No thanks, Park.

I gotta keep watch until he leaves his stoop.

Okay, but you know

Stoop Kid never leaves his stoop.

(LAUGHING)

(YAWNING)

"And,

"the Little Engine said,

"'I think I can,

"'I think I can.'"

Wow, what a great book.

(FOOTBALL BOUNCING)

Arnold. Hey, Arnold!

(YELPS)

Where is he? Did he leave?

Yo! Get away from my stoop!

That's right, you!

This is my stoop!

He's still there. I can't believe it.

I only fell asleep for about an hour.

I told you, Arnold,

Stoop Kid never leaves his stoop.

(GROANING)

Face it, Arnold,

you're never gonna get your football back.

But, I just don't...

Hey, wait a second, I got it.

What if I just sneak up when he's not looking,

grab the football and run?

Are you crazy?

He'll just chase you down and pulverize you.

How can he,

if he never leaves his stoop?

Arnold, you're bold.

Bold and crazy.

Just, back me up, okay?

Okay, I'll be right behind you.

Hey! Walk around!

Keep your eyes of my stoop, old man!

(LAUGHING) That's right.

And watch where you're sticking that cane!

Hey!

Get back here, you little weasel!

Nobody touches my stoop!

Come back here!

You little runt!

Yes, you did it!

Come back here and face me like a man!

Nobody touches my stoop!

(BOTH LAUGHING HEARTILY)

Hey, Arnold, you're right, he didn't leave his stoop.

You know what, Gerald,

I think he's afraid to leave his stoop.

What's going on?

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop.

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop?

ALL: (LAUGHING) He's afraid! He's afraid!

(TAUNTING) Hey, Stoop Kid,

why don't you leave your stoop?

What are you, scared?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Come here and say that, tubby!

Stoop Kid's scared to leave his stoop.

We're touching your stoop.

Cut it out!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING) Hey, I'm warning you!

Hey, I'm gonna pound you, you little maggot!

Stoop Kid's scared to leave his stoop.

I'm spreading the word.

ALL: Hey!

(CHANTING) Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

Stoop Kid's afraid to leave his stoop!

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

(STOOP KID WAILING)

What is that?

Stoop Kid, is that you?

(STOOP KID SOBBING)

ARNOLD: Stoop Kid?

STOOP KID: Who's that?

Get out of here, kid!

What's wrong? STOOP KID: Nothing.

Just shut up and leave me alone.

Hey, come on, it can't be that bad.

STOOP KID: But it is!

Everybody's making fun of me!

Maybe, if you tried to leave the stoop,

people wouldn't make fun.

STOOP KID: No!

I can't!

What if I tried to help you?

It'd just be a waste of time.

What do you got to lose?

Look, there's a whole world out there for you to see.

But, you're never gonna see it if you don't leave the stoop.

Yeah, but what's so great about the world, anyway?

I'm glad you asked.

I checked these out at the library, just for you.

You may have your little stoop here,

but beyond this stoop,

there's a whole bunch of other stoops.

Look at this.

Wow!

Look at that stoop.

That's the Spanish Steps in Rome.

It's one of the biggest stoops in the world.

Well, I gotta admit, that's pretty cool.

Yeah, and look at this.

Whoa!

ARNOLD: It's the Pyramid of the Sun.

Ancient Aztec ruins.

It's the greatest stoop I have ever seen.

Well, it's just one of the great stoops out there.

And, if you wanna see 'em,

all you have to do is take that one big step off your stoop.

STOOP KID: Arnold,

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna leave the stoop!

Yo, Mr. Green, I just heard that Stoop Kid's leaving his stoop.

Whoa.

The legend dies, Harvey.

CROWD: (CHANTING) Stoop Kid's gonna leave his stoop!

I didn't know there was gonna be so many people here.

Don't worry about them, Stoop Kid,

just keep concentrating.

I don't know if I can do it, Arnold.

You can do it, I know you can.

CROWD: (CHANTING) Stoop Kid's gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's gonna leave the stoop!

Stoop Kid's gonna leave...

STOOP KID: I think I can.

I think I can.

CROWD: (CHANTING) Stoop Kid's gonna leave the stoop!

(CROWD CHEERING)

You did it. You did it!

Hey! Hey, yeah!

I did do it! I left the stoop!

I'm free!

Thanks, Arnold.

Thanks a lot.

Well, I guess there's no holding you back anymore.

You'll probably wanna go out and see the whole world now.

What, are you kidding?

I can't leave my stoop.

What do you mean? Why not?

Oh, sure, I could leave the stoop,

but for now, I'm just gonna keep hanging out here,

'cause I'm Stoop Kid.

That's who I am.

You know, Arnold, you taught me a great thing.

Now, I can harass people from my stoop,

and from off my stoop!

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Gee, that wasn't really the point.

Hey, Stoop Kid, you baby,

where's your diapers?

(TAUNTING) Little baby Stoop Kid is afraid to leave his stoop.

(HAROLD LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)

(SLURPING)

(HAROLD BURPS)

(HAROLD CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Come here, Fat Boy!

I'm gonna roll you downtown!