Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- Oh, my God, Bobbie!

Gracie's gonna be here any minute.

I mean, she's not even my kid,

and I'm so excited, I could pee.

- I know that's a figure of speech,

but cut back on your water. - Right.

It's just, you know, ever since she's been deployed,

we never get to see her.

- I really wanted to meet her at the airport

'cause the only thing better than finally meeting my niece

would be to end up in one of those viral military

family reunion videos that always make me ugly cry.

- So how is Gracie handling the news

of her grandfather's extramarital

"Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"?

- Well, it was a very weird Zoom call.

But I think she's coming around with it all now.

- Good.

'Cause I really want this to go well.

What did you tell her about me? - [chuckles nervously]

Well, I-- I told her that you were

like a little puppy in a field of sunflowers

and not to take it out on you.

- Really?

She hates puppies and sunflowers?

- Oh, yeah, and the phrase "sweater weather,"

and tiny dogs in strollers.

Oh, and she really hates sweaters

on tiny dogs in strollers.

- You're just totally different people.

You're sweet and sensitive,

and she likes to shoot things.

- Right. She's GI Joe.

And you're "gee, I hope you like me."

- But don't you worry about a thing.

I'm gonna be here every step of the way to make sure

everything goes smoothly.

- You don't have to worry. We'll be fine.

Yes, I'm excited.

But I'm an adult. I'll be cool.

- I'm back.

- She's here!

- I've been gone for a while. Where's Grandpa Happy?

- My baby girl is home!

- Hey, Mama. - Oh!

- Time. - Okay.

- Hey, Aunt Gabby. - Oh, hey, kiddo.

Oh, wow, you smell amazing. What's that perfume?

- Camel. You can't get it off you.

- Camels.

Now, that's an animal that can hold its water.

- Gracie, Isabella.

Isabella, Gracie.

- Hi.

My mom has told me all about you.

- Family doesn't shake hands!

Get over here!

I'm your Tía Isabella.

I'm sorry I'm getting so worked up.

It's just, I've wanted to meet you

ever since I found out I had a niece.

You're so big.

- Aw. She's so cute.

She's like a tiny dog in a stroller.

- ♪ Sometimes it feels like a big ol' fight ♪

♪ To get through the day ♪

♪ And sleep on through the night ♪

♪ But here you'll find a place ♪

♪ That'll surely lift your spirits ♪

♪ You belong at Happy's Place ♪

- Gracie, remember the Zoom call.

- What? I said she's cute.

- Mm-hmm.

- In a shocking display of maturity,

I'm gonna leave and let you catch up.

Plus, in spite of the warnings, I drank too much water, so...

- Okay. So here we are.

First time for the family to be all together.

- Hmm.

I hope I can remember everyone's name.

- Gracie.

- Right, the Zoom call.

- So, Gracie, how's life on base?

- Well, uh, it's in the middle of the desert.

So it's like the beach if the ocean left town.

- [laughs] You're so funny.

Isabella's funny too. You're both funny.

[laughs]

How funny.

- So Bobbie says you defuse bombs.

Wow!

- It's called explosive ordnance disposal.

- I kind of majored in something similar.

- Really? - Really?

- Psychology.

It's learning how to defuse the bombs of the mind.

- I'm gonna go find Aunt Gabby now.

- Okay, honey.

We'll all get together a little later.

[chuckling]

I thought that went well.

- Did you say that went well?

Or fell down a well and died?

- I just really want y'all to get along.

You two are the only family I have left.

- Maybe we need to hang out,

you know, alone, without feeling like

everybody's watching us. - Are you sure?

'Cause I'm afraid to be alone with her,

and I've known her nine months longer than anybody.

- Trust me. I've got this.

- Aw, you're such a good sister.

And she's a good daughter. I'm a good mother.

I'm a good mother and sister.

- Okay, continue with your list.

I'm gonna go anywhere else.

♪ ♪

- The prodigal daughter returns.

- Hey, Emmett. - Hi, Gracie.

- Good to see you. - Takoda.

- Hey, Gracie.

- Steve-a-rino. - Grrr.

Remember, she's the only one who's allowed to call me that.

- This is our second hug. I've already seen her.

[chuckles]

- How are you, kid?

- How's life in Qatar?

- Well, it was 106 degrees when I left,

and they called that a cold spell.

- Ugh. - So sweaty.

- Did you get the care package we sent?

- Mm-hmm. - I put in the Sudoku book.

It's a great way to ignore people.

- Steve-a-rino. - [chuckles]

Only her.

- ♪ Hey, Gracie ♪

Any chance you wanna hang this afternoon?

- I was gonna hit the paintball arena.

Not really your scene. - [scoffs]

Sure it is.

I love paintball.

I mean, I've never played it before.

But if it's as fun as squirt guns...

[sputters] I'm in.

- But, Isabella, it is very chilly in there.

It's sweater weather.

I repeat, it's sweater weather!

♪ ♪

- Boy, those two have been gone a long time.

- I know.

How many innings are there in paintball?

- They went to paintball?

- Let me ask you this, Bobbie.

And I don't mean to be rude.

[upbeat music]

- You look like you got in a hit-and-run

with the Blue Man Group.

- All I wanted to do was hang with Gracie,

and all she wanted to do was shoot me with a gun.

- Why would you take her on in paintball?

- We were on the same team!

- Oh, that reminds me of me trying

to get Gracie to be friends with the little neighbor boy.

- Oh, yeah.

Isn't it funny how his hair grew back curly?

- What happened now? - Oh, just a little prank.

What's important, we're not giving up.

This time, the three of us will go do something together.

- The four of us. - The three of us.

- All right.

- Oh, yeah. Gracie used to love to dance.

- Hey, Emmett, what was the name

of that dance place you were talking about the other day?

- The Silent Disco. - Oh, what's that?

- It's a party where people dance to music

played through headphones.

- I would pay to watch you at a disco.

- My nephew is a DJ, and he won't shut up about it.

- My nephew's a car thief.

But that's between us.

- Bobbie, are you sure you wanna do this?

Okay, Gracie and I don't need to be friends.

- No, you don't, but you have to be family,

and being friends makes being family a whole lot easier.

- Okay, I'll give it a shot.

And "shot" is not my favorite word lately.

- It'll be great. Disco's so much fun.

I always liked that one Bee Gee with the hair and the teeth.

- Didn't they all have hair and teeth?

♪ ♪

Can I ask you a question, Steve?

- Mm-hmm.

- You ever thought about joining the military?

- You know, I appreciate any organization

that prioritizes order.

But the yelling and the... [imitates gunfire]

No, thank you.

- Afternoon, everyone.

Ooh. - Cupcakes.

You shouldn't have. - That's because I didn't.

These are a little gift for Gracie.

- Okay. Flag on the field, Gabby.

Must I remind you of the deal we made the last time

Gracie was home on leave?

- Well, I don't know, Steve.

Can you remind me without sounding like King Lear?

- We said we wouldn't buy Gracie anything

because the money we spent got out of control.

- See, this is the reason why we had to pinky swear

that we wouldn't buy Gracie anything anymore.

- And you know how I feel about pinky swears.

It's the most hygienic finger, but it's still a...

both: Petri dish of terror. - Yes. We know.

But, look, the joke is on you, fellas,

because I did not buy these cupcakes.

I made them. Oh!

Oh, what's that?

It's the bell for the best gift giver ever.

Ding-a-ling! Ding-a-ling!

- She might be really bad at competition,

but she's really good at bell sounds.

- Hey, Em.

Can I leave these in here?

I don't want those jealous vultures sabotaging them.

- Sure, just put them over there by the cake.

- Okay.

I used two different colors of sprinkles.

Oh, come on!

You mean the cake that says "Welcome home, Gracie,"

and there's an American flag made out of blueberries

and strawberries?

- And white chocolate stars.

Gracie loves cakes, and she loves America,

so take that, "Great British Bake Off."

- Emmett, we pinky swore.

- I didn't buy that, Gabby. I made it.

Ding-a-ling.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I have never felt so old ♪

- What is this place?

Some kind of an escape room?

'Cause I'm willing to try.

- Oh, Gracie's being negative. How surprising.

- Okay, nobody's being negative.

We're gonna have a great time 'cause we're a family.

Now put your headphones on and shut up.

Oh, that's nice.

Ha. Yeah. Yeah!

You like the music? - Huh?

- [shouting] Do you like the music?

- Oh! No.

- What do you think?

- It's hard to dance 'cause it feels like my body is covered

in paintball-shaped bruises.

Oh, wait. That's right. It is.

- You kept getting up.

Why do you think that little kid kept yelling at you,

"Just stay down?"

- Take your head-- take your headphones off.

Take them off. What's wrong with you two?

What in the--hang on.

I'll fix him. Whoo!

[laughs] See, he's having fun.

- This is ridiculous. Can't we just go home?

- No, no, no, no, no. We just got here.

Come on, who wants to learn the Slide or the Bump?

Hoo-hoo!

My favorite, the Funky Chicken.

Chicken.

- I'm tired. I'll just see you all at home.

- Dang it.

- I've got two questions for you.

- Okay.

- Does she take after your husband?

[upbeat music]

- I'm just grabbing some stuff to take to Gabby's.

Don't shoot.

- So how long have you been staying in my room?

Like, three months? - Why?

You expect rent or something?

- You haven't changed anything. What's up with that?

- Just trying to be respectful.

In my defense, I hadn't met you yet.

- Oh, finally, she shows some balls.

- Hey, princess, you ever fought

a Mexican chick from Texas?

- Holy crap! Where has this girl been?

I wanna hang out with her.

- Just play with your phone.

- Can I guess that my mom was all about coaching you

so that us meeting would be nice?

Yep, that's my mom.

- It's not just your mom.

- Sounds like you've got some stories too.

- [laughs] Yep.

- Well, I've got some beers.

Why don't you take a seat, Aunt Isabella?

- Tía Isabella.

[grunts]

How many times did you shoot me in the ass?

- A lot.

- Ding-a-ling!

- Oh, boy.

What did you make for Gracie now?

- Me?

Oh, I just binged a few YouTube videos on knitting,

and I made her this.

Out of yarn and a piece of my heart.

Hm. - A sweater for a snake?

Did she ask for that?

- It is a scarf, all right?

And nothing says love like a warmth

you can feel around your neck.

- Gracie lives on an Army base in the middle of the desert.

What the hell is she gonna do with a scarf?

- She could cover her face in a sandstorm.

- She's also allergic to wool.

- Damn it!

- You basically knit her a death cloth.

- I guess nothing says love like anaphylaxis.

- What's that? - Oh, this?

Just a financial statement.

Gracie asked me to invest a little money for her,

and now it's a lot of money.

A lot of money that I made her.

- Go ahead and say it, Steve. You earned it.

- Ding-a-ling-gah!

Ding-a-ling-gah!

- Is everyone here good at bell sounds?

♪ ♪

- You did it.

- I did what? - You got along with Gracie.

I thought after the disco, that was it.

But I heard you guys laughing all night long.

- Well, Gracie really is pretty awesome

once you get to know her. - Yeah.

- We just needed to find something in common.

- Oh, super smart.

What do you have in common?

- We both have difficult moms.

- So when you say "difficult mom,"

do you mean, like, difficult to love

more than you already do?

- It sounds worse than it is, okay?

She just meant that there are times

when you try to run her life.

- I don't do that.

- You kept insisting that she and I needed to be friends.

- I'm not running her life. I'm running yours.

- Either way, it can come off as controlling.

- Now I'm controlling?

- I think we're getting off the subject.

The important thing is, Gracie and I are getting along.

- [laughs]

No, the important thing is, you're turning

my daughter against me.

- Okay, you're not actually mad at me.

You're mad about Gracie.

- Oh, girl, don't you tell me how I'm thinking.

I think you've planted the seed to Gracie that I am horrible.

- Oh, nobody said you were horrible.

- Good, 'cause I got three mugs up there that says

I'm the world's greatest mom.

- Listen, I may not be a professional--

- You're not.

Lucy from "Peanuts" is more professional.

At least she charges a nickel.

- Wait! Where are you going?

- Well, if I got a reputation of being difficult,

[feet thumping]

- Where do you get off saying that I'm difficult?

- Clearly, you're very laidback.

- This is not difficult. This is passionate.

Passion is the spice of life, and I'm feeling spicy!

- I'm guessing Isabella talked to you?

- Normally, I would say no,

but I'm mad at her, so I'm gonna say yes.

And if we're having a problem, you should have told me.

- Why? So you could fix it?

- Yes. - That's the problem.

You try to fix everything.

- Why is that a problem?

In a way, it's just like what you do.

I'm defusing the bombs of life.

- Y'all are making me hate what I do.

Can you just sit for a minute?

Please?

- Harder for me to be mad when I'm sitting.

- First, I just want you to know that I love you.

- Oh, God, this is gonna be bad.

- It's not. It's not.

Okay, maybe it is.

But Isabella thinks you needed to hear it.

- I knew she got into your head.

- We talked.

You know, when I left,

you and I had been fighting a lot.

- A lot of teenagers fight with their mamas.

- But they all didn't just lose their husband and father.

- I didn't wanna fight.

I wanted to talk things through

and make sure you were handling it okay.

- And I couldn't figure out how I felt because

you kept telling me how I should feel.

- Oh, and the more I tried to help,

the more you wanted to get away?

- That is exactly what Isabella said,

except she had a name for it. Did you know that she--

- Majored in psychology? Yeah, that's come up.

So, listen...

There's something I've been too scared to ask you,

but now's the right time.

- What is it? - [sighs]

When you enlisted, did you do that to get away from me?

- Yes.

- Feel free to take your time in answering.

- Look, I left, but I came back.

And I'll keep coming back. - Mm.

- Because I think we've grown enough to handle things now.

- You sure have matured.

- I was talking about you, but okay.

- Promise me you'll keep coming back?

'Cause I couldn't stand to lose you.

- I promise. - I love you.

- I love you, too, Mama.

- Time. - Mm-mm. Not yet.

- [whispers] Thank you, Lord.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

Here we go. - There she is.

- Oh, hey! Hi, Gracie.

Okay, listen, I just wanted to tell you

that I think that Takoda might have gotten you a gift,

but, um, I didn't get you anything, you know,

because gifts are just things,

and the greatest gift I could give you is my time.

Time's up. All right, come on. Let's go.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Listen-- - It's okay, Bobbie.

You got mad, took your anger out on me.

That's what sisters do.

There's a psychological term for that.

But I know you hate that, so that's fine.

- [laughs] Thanks for everything.

Because of you, we're fixing a problem

I didn't even know we had.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

- Suck it, Lucy! - [laughs]

- Aw.

I can't believe you made this.

- You did, back in elementary school.

I held on to it all this time.

I mean, most of it.

My dog kind of chewed on some of the macaronis.

- Thank you, Takoda.

This is the best gift ever.

- [sighs]

- Looks like love beats cake, money,

and that strange little scarf.

- Takoda wins.

Go ahead. Say it.

I know you want to.

- Ding-dong!

Nailed it.

- Hey, Emmett, can you take a picture of us

so I can send it back to my unit?

- That'd be fun. - Okay.

But first, let's get one with just the MacAllister girls.

- Back here in the bar? - Yeah.

- Come on.

- Uh, hey, Mama, didn't he say the MacAllister girls?

- He sure did. Get your butt in here.

Now we're ready.

- Smile.

♪ ♪