Original subtitles

So I'm so excited for this party.

And guess what, Liz?

What's up?

I met, like, the hottest guy ever the other day. Yeah? And I invited

him to our party.

Oh, shit.

He's so cute.

Do you think your baby's cute?

I want him to be.

you know he's so adorable and he bought my food the other day and like you know

how these guys be broke and stuff but you're not pretty

promising I would say hopefully you can just see for yourself let

me know what you think I don't

know if you want to invite anybody else Over to our party?

Yeah, I haven't really thought about it. I was going to fly solo tonight.

Okay.

Do you, girl? It's me.

Yeah.

I wonder what our stepdad's doing now.

That's a good question.

He's probably lonely or something.

I wish he'd just, like, get over my mom and start dating or something. My mom is

not coming back. But I don't want to see him as dad.

Yeah, he's been through too many girlfriends already.

Right. He just needs one.

I guess maybe more than one. Who the fuck knows?

He's easy to fit together. I don't really know.

Right. I think one solid girl to tie him down would be pretty nice.

He hasn't gone to the gym, though, I've noticed.

Yeah. Starting to look nicer. Yeah.

Maybe we should call him. Stay peace, great night.

I don't have a good number. Oh, don't worry about it. I have it.

Hello?

Hey. Hello.

How are you?

We're good.

We're just wondering what our stepdad is doing for New Year's.

Oh, well, no big plans as of now. I'm just going to probably microwave a TV

dinner. pop some champagne, and watch the ball drop. I'm excited.

What are you girls doing?

Well, we're having a little get -together. We're wondering if you want

Yeah, come watch the ball drop over here.

Yeah? Well, shoot.

Yeah, I don't think I have any plans tomorrow, so... Yeah, yeah, why not?

Perfect. You can come over whenever.

We're here.

Okay, sounds good. I'll go dig up a...

Okay, see you soon.

Bye.

See ya.

I have no fun.

You need to get over here anyway.

Alright.

We got one more person coming.

Turn up.

Okay, well.

Now that we're waiting for our dad to get here, we should take some selfies.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay.

This is chaos.

Oh my god. Alright,

what?

What's up, babe?

Oh my god.

Yes.

Bye.

I have an idea.

Why don't you tripod your phone and we can use the photo with that.

Oh, okay.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, Dad!

How are my two favorite stepdaughters?

They're so good.

Wow!

I should say the same for both of you. You look beautiful.

Thank you, Daddy.

So, how's the night turned out so far?

So far, so good.

Yeah? We did some different things. That was my girl.

Yeah, we'll have to send you photos.

Yeah, definitely.

Well, cool. I'm really glad you guys invited me.

Great, yeah. Oh, oh, oh!

My date's calling me. You're back?

Yeah.

She's crazy about him. Oh, that girl. So she dates him again?

Yeah, this new guy, you know. She's not in my school, so.

Okay, well, good for her. Yeah.

How about you? Well, where's your date?

Oh, I don't have one. You know, just blind solo.

Why is that?

I don't know. I haven't been able to find anybody I'm interested in. Now I

that really hard to believe.

You can't find anybody?

No.

I'm flabbergasted by that. Just because I separated from your mom doesn't mean I

think any less of you. You've always changed.

I'm so highly of you. You're beautiful, smart, hardworking.

I mean, it's been hard out here.

I just haven't found anyone. I'm interested in. Okay, that makes a little

sense. You gotta be picky. You're as cute and beautiful and smart as you are.

You just have all the options in the world. Aw, thank you, Dad. Aw, of

You deserve nothing but that.

I can't believe this shit. What the fuck?

Oh my God.

What's going on?

My date.

What happened?

My daughters deserve so much better than what they're getting and this is not

acceptable.

Didn't he buy you lunch, too?

Yeah!

It's okay.

This generation, I swear to God.

Well, no, let's not let this turn into a bad thing. Let's have a great night.

You know what? I have an idea.

Why don't we try and get him jealous?

We can take a few sexy photos and then swim.

There you go. Remind him, right? Remind him what he's missing out on. Make him

regret it. Exactly.

We can still salvage this night. Let's do that. Take some pictures of us. Make

sure he knows what he's missing out on.

Exactly. I won't be looking at that.

Nice, cute pictures. One, two, three.

Okay, that looks great.

Oh,

girls.

Oh, yeah, girls.

Oh, my goodness. Beautiful,

beautiful, beautiful.

No, no,

no, no, no, no.

Come on, take the photo. All right, all right, all right.

You asked what the fuck boy was.

All right.

One, two.

Okay,

you girls are kind of pushing it now.

One, two, three.

One more?

All right, but I'm closing my eyes for this one.

One, two.

Three. Perfect.

Those are so good. But you know what makes them even better?

What? We had a fuckboy in the photo.

Yeah.

That would really grind his gears.

Fill me in, girls. A what boy?

A fuckboy. Come on.

Like a tool?

Fuckboy. You've never heard of fuckboy before?

No, I'm an adult, so.

Come on, God.

The guy who fucks whatever girl he wants.

Yeah, like a douchebag, basically.

Exactly. So you think of your father?

No, we're just using you, pretending, you know? We need another fuckboy here,

that fuckboy gets jealous.

Yeah, fuck that boy, right?

Right. So you can be the fuckboy. Me? You can have your piece of shit. Yeah.

he'll never know, man.

Girl, girl.

The things that you... Yeah.

Oh. It's okay, it's okay.

Okay, just, just, okay, okay, okay.

You doing this right?

Oh, that's a good one.

What? It can't happen to me.

Come on, Lewis.

Two. One.

Three.

Two. One.

Three.

Two. One.

You're cute.

So, way more and a few more. All right, I guess we'll meet somewhere in the

middle.

Three, two, one.

Those are making it really hard to behave in a fatherly manner.

Three, two, one.

All right, just to be funny, how about you turn around?

You shouldn't know what that means, but like... Okay, ready?

Three, two, one.

Alright, what if, uh, what if, what if I have this?

Yes. You might get it.

Yeah.

Here, let's both have it. Oh!

There you go. You can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't,

you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't,

can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you

can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you

can't, you can't, you can't, you can't, you can't,

I won't look, I promise. But what if you showed a little bit of nipple?

Okay. That would drive him nuts.

Okay, let's do it.

You're getting the hang of it. Ready?

Three, two... Oh, God, I thought it would still be

put away. Okay.

It would be way better if you were just in between our kids.

Yes. Okay, blinders on then. Come on, business.

Ready?

Cool with that. Either of your mothers.

We won't.

You don't.

What if my hands were?

Yeah. Would you girls be okay with that?

Sure.

We'll just have to crop my face out of the picture.

How's it look? Oh, yeah. That looks good.

Oh, shit.

Guys, look what time it is.

It's almost time for the ball to drop. Oh, yeah. Let's grab our confetti can.

Put those hot dogs away.

Ready?

Are you guys almost ready?

You guys know how to work these things? Never done this before. All right. All

right. It's going to close. This is supposed to come along with mine.

Okay. Ready?

All right. And ten, nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four.

and fuckboy wasn't here.

Oh,

you broke this one too. You can't leave dad out of this.

Oh, I don't know.

Thank you, girls.

What a great way to bring the new year.

Honestly, I feel like our first kiss could have done a little better.

You think so?

Yeah, it's our first one of the year.

I'm getting rid of it.

Girls,

girls. Are you proud of it?

Yeah, you guys have made me a very proud pilot.

Should we go to the other?

I don't know if you will.

I'm not going to stop you girls.

I did not see my new year starting this morning.

Isn't this so much better than a TV dinner?

Yeah, I think I have to say so.

Thank you.

Oh, my God.

I'm very proud of that.

I'm gonna see how far down you can get.

That's what you girls are doing.

Got to cut it. Sneak it out.

Sneak it out.

You've got something cute and sexy.

You can lay down.

You feel a little boiled in?

I am getting all the attention.

No.

Oh my God. Oh

my

God.

It's so big.

I didn't know that I had such a big face.

Aww,

you're doing good, Daddy.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh.

I love

you.

Yeah.

You're alright.

Thank you.

I'm so fucking wet.

Fuck me.

Oh my God. I feel so

good.

Light it back anymore.

It's so funny.

Good idea.

Yeah.

Thank you, Debbie.

Girl's house.

Oh my god, yes.

Oh my god.

Thank you.

Daddy, how can you stand your pussy?

You know that you can't sit on my face.

Oh, that's it.

I want you to be good by cocking yourself.

Grab it.

God, that took so freaking good.

Bye.

Oh my god.

Oh my

god.

Oh, my God.

I don't want to watch you get on top.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, should I keep doing that?

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm

coming.

I'm just doing my fatherly duty.

Close your eyes.

Oh, fuck.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I know we shouldn't be doing this.

I don't have to. I don't have to.

I don't have to. I don't have to.

I don't have to.

I don't have to.

God damn.

I don't want to answer that.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

you girls know what you're fucking doing.

Oh, fuck.

that assless face.

Nice and fluffy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God damn it. Oh, God

damn

it.

Oh, it's so fucking good.

God. God.

God damn.

I can't fucking last any longer. God damn.

I need to go for a nap.

I'll get down on my fucking knees. God damn.

Here's our real New Year's kiss.

Happy New Year!