Original subtitles

- Mail fraud? - Let her rip.

The Dukes go all out to keep Miz Tisdale out of jail.

Eat dust, you turkey.

Get the plug.

It's a crazy town.

Hang on, Jesse.

Yeow! Yee-haw!

Ooh, this is the best part.

♪ Just the good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw Been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just the good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system like two modern-day Robin Hood ♪

'Yee-haw!'

Hazzard County, where there are certain basics

that you can count on.

The law of gravity for instance.

That says that any car that goes up

usually comes back down.

The Duke family. They all do all bad things.

And Miz Emma Tisdale, she delivers the US mail

with lots of tender, lovin' care.

In addition to being the postmistress

Miz Tisdale is also the hottest two-wheeler in town.

Miz Emma cooks.

She also happens to be awful sweet to ol' Uncle Jesse.

Hi, Jesse.

Emma, you be careful on that thing.

You're gonna get yourself hurt.

Mail's gotta go through.

Miz Tisdale sure has her hook made it for you.

Why don't you give her a lil' break

and invite her to that next Grange dance, huh?

Why don't you just keep your eyes on the road.

And if ol' Bo keeps his eye on the road

he's gonna see somethin' mighty strange.

Even for Hazzard.

Where'd that phony double white line come from?

What?

Guess who's here?

Cletus.

Oh, dang, dang, dang! That Grange meetin'

took longer than I thought it would.

I'm late for my chores now.

That's all I gotta hear, Uncle Jesse. Y'all hang on.

Cletus is all wet. He'll drip dry.

- I think so. - Alright, Bo.

Mornin', Mr. Smith, guess you're here to pick up your mail.

Yeah, that's right.

Another load of mail came in for ya this mornin'.

There ya are. All addressed to box 16.

Thanks.

Hold it.

Identification, please?

I've been comin' in here every mornin' for a week now.

Regulations. Sorry.

Okay, take a number.

I'm the only one in here.

I know. Regulations.

Number one.

You're next. Take it away.

Hey.

You know, you sure got me curious.

All that mail comin' in here every day.

What's it for?

Ah, ah, ah. Regulations.

Regulations can be a nuisance

but this is one time I think it's gonna pay off.

Miz Tisdale ain't just fast. She's smart.

And she ain't the only one curious about this fella.

What's he doin' hangin' around that ol' sawmill?

Alright, come on in, Slocum.

Uh-huh, it figures. Anything nefarious and illegal

ol' Boss Hogg's gonna have

his fat little paws in it somewheres.

Oh, that's it Oh, I love it.

Let's see.

- Ooh, look at all this. - Look at this.

Ah! We're running in luck now.

- Luck? - Yeah.

And all 'em ads in 'em out-of-town newspaper

like this.

"Own a piece of paradise, just mail in $100

"to P.O. Box 16, Hazzard County and you...

"And you will receive

a genuine official land gold certificate..."

I can read.

"Proclaiming your ownership of a beautiful view lot

"in the most scenic spot in Dixie.

Hazzard Highlands."

There ain't no Hazzard Highlands.

Now, you just get back to work

stuffin' them certificates in them envelopes.

You know them fancy certificates we just printed up.

We wanna give them suckers somethin' for their $100.

Alright, Flash, Now you start lickin'

and we're gonna lick our way right into fifty percent

of the fortune.

Or, is it..

Fifty percent of fifty percent?

Meanwhile, Bo and Luke had dropped Jesse and Daisy

off at the farm.

And they were headin' into town using the back route.

Uh-oh. That looks like the sheriff comin' overland.

'Oh, my gosh! Are you alright?'

'I-I didn't mean to cut you off like that.'

Oh, I'm awfully sorry, uh, I'm afraid I wasn't

really watching where I was drivin'.

- 'Are you okay?' - Yeah, we're fine now.

Doop, that ain't the sheriff.

Oh, uh, I-I'm Bo Duke and this is my cousin, Luke.

- Hi. Sue Ann. Sue Ann Blake. - Pleased to meet ya.

Gee, maybe you fellas can help me?

Oh, well, you can just think of us as the..

Ha-Hazzard County welcome wagon.

Well, I've been lookin' all over for a place

called Hazzard Highlands and I haven't had a bit of luck.

Hazzard Highlands?

I bought a lot there with the most beautiful view ever seen.

The view from here's pretty good.

Mighty pretty certificate, but we've been livin' here

and I never heard no place called Hazzard Highlands.

- You, Bo? - 'No.'

But tell you what being as we're almost neighbors and all

I'd be willing to help you find it.

I'll drive. Luke, you stay here and watch the car.

That's fine, really. Thanks, but I think I'll manage.

And I'm sorry again about the accident.

- Hey, no problem. - Thank you.

It's alright. Excuse me.

Back at his hideout, Boss was receivin' a phone call

that made him lose his appetite.

Which usually requires somethin' like a war..

Or bankruptcy.

What's wrong, Boss?

Somethin' rotten in your fat burger?

No, fathead. Something's rotten at Capital City.

I just got tipped off

that a US postal inspector is on his way

down here to Hazzard

to investigate some kind of mail fraud. Mm-mm-mm.

Mail fraud? Wooie!

Hold your tongue. They're onto us.

Slocum, you're gonna have to blow town.

You're the only link between us and that post office box.

What about that old bat that works there? She knows.

'Miz Tisdale Little Bit?'

Yeah, she know you, but she knows you as Mr. John Smith.

Yeah, that's why I gave you that ID card

with a phony name and address.

You see, I told you the Boss is always thinkin'.

Listen, that US postal inspector fella ain't gonna rest happy

until he nails somebody, right?

Right.

'What if we made it look like this whole operation'

was being run by none other than the aforesaid

Miz Tisdale.

You got it.

But, listen, if we're gonna pin it on...

Yeah, don't say it out loud.

Alright, Slocum, get on your way

and don't show your face around here again, hear me?

Get out of here, Slocum.

- I got my appetite back again. - Oh, so have I.

Uh-uh-uh. You ain't got time to eat.

No, you're on your way to the post office.

And when Miz Tisdale ain't lookin'

you're gonna plant this here incriminating evidence

all over the place.

You stay here and watch the hooter.

Sheriff, am I glad to see you.

I'd be mighty appreciative if you would mind the place.

I gotta run over to Cooter's with my 'cycle.

Over to Cooter's? Well, I don't know if I can..

- Hey! - Ow! What?

I'm due for my thousand mile checkup.

Be sure you get the IDs and make 'em take a number.

Well, I'll..

Quick as the devil.

Well, this is gonna be easier than fallin' off Boss' wallet.

Let's see now.

Ooh, there..

Oh, oh, oh. Quit gouging me.

Ooh..

Sheriff, you're just the man I've been looking for.

I am? You are..

Would you, would you mind taking a number, please?

My name is Blake. US postal inspector.

Ooh, that's pretty. That's...

I'm investing a possible mail fraud involving

a phony land development called The Hazzard Highlands.

- 'Did you ever hear of it?' - Hazzard..

Hazzard.. No.

Yes. Of course not, lady. You tell me. Here.

Well, where's the postal mistress, Miz Emma Tisdale?

Well, I don't know. She went out for a little bit.

Listen, uh, I don't want to tell anybody else this

but, you know, she's been acting awful suspicious lately.

That is one of the reasons I'm in here.

I'm doing a little bit of investigating on my own.

In fact, I was just looking around here

when you came in and gouged me.

Ooh, ooh, lookie, here, what I done found.

What is that?

Hazzard Highlands. Wait..

You got one? That's good.

You see what I see?

Oh, yeah, that car belongs to that sweetheart

who gave you the brush-off.

If at first, you don't succeed..

Howdy.

- And here. - More Hazzard Highlands?

- Yep. - Look.

There's a mailing list.

Now, doesn't that put the cow in the barn?

That definitely proves Miz Tisdale is guilty.

Guilty of what?

I'll have to ask you not to interfere.

This is an official investigation.

'That's right. She's an official government postal inspector.'

See, Miz Tisdale, she is guilty of mail fraud.

And this is all the evidence we need.

Mail fraud? Miz Tisdale?

She's only guilty of having a yen for Uncle Jesse.

Get on outta here before I cuff you and stuff you

for interfering with official business.

Just get on.

- We're leavin' anyway. - We're going.

They just, they come in here just to gall my soul.

I swear Boss Hogg's gotta be involved in this.

We better tip off Miz Tisdale.

You know, I think I saw her going over towards Cooter's.

- Yeah. - Alright.

Friends and neighbors, you're about to meet

a member of Hazzard's oldest and only Chinese family.

The Fongs.

Everybody loves Billy Joe and his sister, Scarlet.

Well, hush my puppies! If it ain't them good ol' Duke boys.

- How y'all doing? - Hey, Billy Joe.

I moseyed over here to borrow Cooter's torch.

Got me a little welding to do on my wok here.

- That's nice. - How y'all doing?

Wooie. Take a look at that.

Miz Tisdale, while I'm fixing up your motorcycle

you can use this one here for a loaner.

I hope this doo-hickey don't cut down on my speed.

You know how I like to let her rip.

Miz Tisdale, there's a US postal inspector at your post office.

Looks like her and Rosco are gonna accuse you of mail fraud.

- Mail fraud? Me? - You.

They gotta be sucking out of a bent straw.

Well, that's kinda what we figured, Miz Tisdale.

That frosts me. I'll toot over there and straighten him out.

Uh, just hold on a second. It looks like some sort of setup.

So we figured you better lay low.

You can hide at our farm.

Hide out? Me? No way, Jose.

Did you say your farm?

Yes, ma'am.

With your Uncle Jesse?

He's there most of the time.

Woo.

Hey, y'all, Rosco's coming out of the post office.

Miz Tisdale, get in the back of the General Lee.

Yeah, come on. Here, give me those.

Yeah, now just hold on a second.

I got me an idea. There you go, sweetheart.

- Ready? Go. - Woo-hoo!

Billy Joe, you are the closest to Miz Tisdale's size.

You're gonna have to give us a big favor here, alright?

Hot dang! You got it, good buddy.

- Is this gonna fit ya? - Okay.

She said she was headed towards Cooter's garage over there.

Look! In fact, there she is right now.

Alright. You're looking good now.

She's getting on, she's getting on her motorcycle.

Oh..

- Looking good. - Don't get fresh, y'all.

Alright, Miz Tisdale. I see ya, ya little sneak.

Alright, come on. Get outta here.

Hot pursuit.

We forgot to ask if he could drive that thing.

Yee-haw!

Out of the way.

Now, this could get messy. Y'all hang on.

I'm gonna go look up that word warp to see what that fella

was wailing on.

Yee-haw!

Okay, y'all, anything else I can do for you?

What the hoot's going on?

Look, Miz Tisdale, everything's cool. Now stay low. Get down.

- We catch ya on the flipside. - Yeah. Alright, see you.

It's a crazy town.

I never noticed.

Uh, not now, Flash. We're in hot pursuit.

We'll catch that speedin' little dillinger.

Inspector, you haven't met Flash, have you?

Inspector, this is Flash. Flash, this is inspector.

Officer Coltrane, do you always have this dog riding with you?

Well, I didn't used to. Cletus used to.

But she has a higher IQ, you see.

You should say hello to the inspector.

Look out!

That must have scuffed my vehicle.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire must've been

invented for the Duke boys.

Yup. That's Cletus.

He he.

'Put some pedal on the metal.'

What a time for Cletus to show up!

- Miz Tisdale, stay down now. - 'Oh, I am. I am.'

Oh-oh..

Now, friends, you're about to witness a homily.

Just 'cause things go bad, watch your mouth

or they'll get worse.

Well, I hope Cletus' got his drip-dry uniform on.

He ain't gonna need his 24-hour deodorant

if he keeps taking showers like this.

Ever see a man look like he'd bitten into an apple

and found half a worm and didn't wanna let on?

Well, that's ol' Uncle Jesse's predicament.

Now, Jesse, he's a gentleman.

Right off, he did his best to make Miz Tisdale feel welcome.

Emma, I want you to know that our house is your house.

- And you're sure welcome. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, that's so sweet of you, Jesse, and thank you, Daisy.

- Sure. - Don't you worry about a thing.

We'll find out who's trying to pin that land deal on you.

And if my suspicions are right, I got a feeling

his initials are gonna turn out to be J.D. Hogg.

'What else is new?'

Y'all, Billy Joe made it.

Billy Joe, stash that cycle up in the barn

and we'll give you a ride back to town.

Y'all got it, good buddy.

He's some piece of work.

Listen, we better head back into town

and find that gal postal inspector

and talk some sense into her.

And make sure that she's running my post office in a fit manner.

Don't worry about it, Miz Tisdale. Okay?

Just, uh, make yourself at home.

Yeah, don't worry.

Uncle Jesse here is gonna take good care of you, Miz Tisdale.

I'll see y'all.

You know, Jesse, I'm just dying to see your room.

Uh, yeah. Uh..

Oh, look at that.

- A big bowlful of popcorn. - Yummy, yummy.

You know something?

I never would have guessed that a US postal inspector

would turn out to be female.

Ain't that nice?

You know.. Hey, watch that, will ya.

You know something?

Like you said, everybody knows that Miz Tisdale

has never been in trouble with the law.

But everybody also knows she's a little bit squirrely.

I mean, riding on a motorcycle at her age and doing wheelies.

Hm. There's no telling what she might be capable of.

- She's crazy as a kook. - Mm-hm.

Mr. Hogg, I seriously doubt that Miz Tisdale is capable

of operating this entire mail fraud operation all by herself.

You do?

'Well, there has to be others involved. Don't you agree?'

- Others? What others? - Others? What others?

Huh! I don't know but I intend

to do some investigating and find out.

No, no!

Will you call me if you hear anything?

Now, wait a minute! Don't go.

- Now wait a minute. Don't go. - Don't go.

- Listen, you come back. - Come back.

Oh, great..

- Oh, oh! - Oh, no, no!

Turn it off! What's this lever here?

I broke it. I broke the thing.

Turn it off! Turn if off, will ya.

Turn it off!

Where's the.. Where's the..

Get the plug, will ya.

Get the plug! Where's the plug?

Where's the plug for it?

Turn it off! Oh! Ah!

Hello!

Hey, Sue Ann, we gotta talk to you.

I don't care what kind of evidence Rosco's got.

There's no way Miz Tisdale dreamed up Hazzard Highlands.

What we figured you should do

is go talk to this John Smith fella.

He's been picking up the packages at Miz Tisdale's.

With a name like John Smith, he's gotta be using a phony ID.

How do you know who's picking up the mail?

'And when were you talking to Miz Tisdale?'

Sue Ann, Miz Tisdale is a friend of the family.

We know the situation here in the county.

Isn't there any way we can work together?

I insist both of you stay out of this.

I trust I've made myself perfectly clear.

Good day, gentlemen.

Oh, my! Lookie, lookie. Do you see what I see?

- Yeah. - Listen.

If that female inspector is so sure

that someone else is in on that mail fraud with Miz Tisdale

let's just accommodate her.

- Accommodate her. - Come on. Come on.

The only decent lead we got is this John Smith fella.

- Let's talk with Miz Tisdale. - Alright.

- Now, Rosco. - What?

- Like I said. - Yup!

You take this here incriminating evidence.

- Yeah. - Alright. Go to the Duke farm.

You plant that all over the place.

Ooh, yeah. Plant.

And then when you're finished, you call in

and I'll come running with that inspector gal.

Then we'll catch the whole caboodle.

The whole caboodle.

- Alright, get moving. - Alright.

First, I'm going to plug this in and have myself a snack.

Argh! Rosco, I'll pop you! No, don't do that!

Turn it off, will ya.

What did you do that for? Where's the plug?

Where's the plug? Turn it off! Turn it off, will ya.

Find out anything?

We didn't find out a lot

but we did get a Capital City Gazette.

If you'll look in section two

you'll see an ad for Hazzard Highlands lots.

I'll call Scoop, see if he can fill us in.

'Give me Scoop Whittman at the Capital City Gazette.'

What you..

That's Miz Tisdale's. Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Boss, this is Rosco P. Coltrane. All conditions are go.

I'll meet you at Ol' Mill Crossroad.

I'm gone.

- Come on. Oh, there you are. - Mr. Hogg.

My sheriff found her, just like I said.

- Where? - Get in here.

No, no, not you. Get in there.

- I got it. - There you are. Get in here.

Come on, we're going after them.

Oh, thanks, Scoop. Really appreciate it.

- Dang it! - What's the matter?

- John Smith again. - They got anythin' on him?

The gal who took the ad said she can't remember how he looks

and that he paid cash. No receipt, no check, nothing.

If all 'em suckers are payin' 100 bucks a shot

that fella's gotta be loaded with cash.

If J.D.'s involved, he sure is a-layin' low.

There's Rosco. Pull up to him.

- Hey, what'd you find out? - Good news, good news.

Miz Tisdale's hiding out on the Duke farm.

Oh, Miz Tisdale at Duke Farm. Good, good, good!

Alright. Now, Inspector Blake.

I'm gonna show you how the law in Hazzard operates.

Watch this. You're gonna love it.

Ma'am, we're gonna use a flank in movement.

- Which one is that? - We're gonna spread out.

And then we're gonna sneak up on 'em from both sides.

- You got that? - Oh, yeah! Then just squeeze!

That's it.

Alright. Go. Move it, Rosco! Move it.

- Maintain the radio silent. - Right!

- Turn off the CB. - Right.

- What're you waiting for? - I'm ready.

Let's go. Rosco, Come on.

- 'He's going that way.' - 'We're going this way.'

'You go that way. Come on.'

Cletus, sure you got your CB turned off?

Positive, Boss. There's a little button here.

Pressed the wrong button.

- You pushed the wrong button. - It's stuck!

- Oh oh! - Y'all, it's a raid.

Pea-brain Coltrane must've figured out Miz Tisdale's here.

Listen, Uncle Jesse

Daisy'll take the jeep, we'll take the General.

We'll do some cover for you.

Take Miz Tisdale, make a run for it.

- Let's go. - Alright!

Geronimo!

'This is the part I love best!'

No! Let's take my motorcycle. It's faster.

Now, you sure you know how to ride this thing?

Jesse, get in and don't forget to put on your helmet.

'Cause I ain't moving until you do.

Now hang on, Jesse. Here we go.

Alright! As long as this thing is on.

Rosco, they're running for it. Get after 'em.

Get after 'em.

Here we go!

Hang on Jesse! Hang on!

You just keep your hands on those metal bars.

Luke, trouble up ahead.

Why should things change now?

Get away. Go!

Well, Bo and Luke are the first line of defense.

What you reckon they'll do?

Get it! On the way! Don't hit it.

Oh no, you don't, Cletus.

No, you go right..

That Daisy! Not bad for a girl, huh?

'I tell you, I'm made of steel.'

'Cletus, you bumbling..'

'I'm driving back.'

Go on, move it fast!

'Hold it! Hold it! Hold it!'

Ain't this fun, Jesse?

Go, Miz Tisdale. Go!

Yee-haw!

Eat dust, you turkey!

You keep your eye on the road, woman.

- Blast it! - Oh!

You know that girl's getting herself an education.

You're all wet.

After they got through congratulating themselves

on their escape, Miz Tisdale and the Dukes realized

that they were all fugitives now.

And with the US mail involved

that made it a federal rap.

I feel awful about getting you nice folks in this mess.

Y'all can go to jail just for helpin' me.

Emma, don't worry about it. What are friends for?

We'll get you out of this mess soon as we find a hideout.

Cooter's is out. Everybody'll look for us there.

Billy Joe Fong.

He offered to help and he's got that storeroom

right behind his CB shop.

- You got it! - That's a good idea.

'Let's hit it!'

Uh, Emma, it's fun and all

but I think I'm gonna ride with the boys.

Keep your helmet on, Jesse. We're blastin' off.

Wait, wait. Will ya hold it just out here.

And so the hole in the barn gang stashed their vehicles

and came sneakin' into town.

And the boys were right.

Billy Joe Fong was thrilled to put 'em up.

Yes, siree, Bob.

There ain't nothing like good ol' southern hospitality.

Y'all make yourself to home now, y'hear?

Set yourselves down. I'll whoop you up a fine dinner.

Southern fried wonton, sweet and sour hog chows

and chitlin chow mein.

You ain't lived till you try to eat grits with chopsticks.

It's kind of you, Billy Joe, but we got our own cookin' to do.

We ain't yet hooked that John Smith up to Boss Hogg.

- Let's go get that sucker. - Hold your horses a second.

What with Rosco following us

ain't no tellin' what's gonna happen.

You'd be better off staying here.

Yeah, you'll be safer here.

Well, if you say so, but I'm too nervous to stay alone.

You know, you might've hit on somethin' there.

Uncle Jesse, you can run the whole operation from here

over the CB. We'll see ya later.

Uh, boys? Uh, uh, Daisy?

Uncle Jesse, things will be nice and cozy for y'all here.

Hurry back, yeah?

Alright, go on, go on. Go on, go on, go on.

Go on, go on, go on.

Hold it. Hold it. Alright.

Well, gentlemen, you have shown me

how the law in Hazzard operates, alright.

That was without a doubt the most ludicrous, outrageous

asinine police operation I have ever seen.

You enjoy hot pursuit, huh?

Thank you very much, ma'am. We try to please.

You were born stupid and you've been losing ground ever since.

- I was... - Hush.

If you want me, I'll be in the post office.

- Yeah, alright, then. Alright. - Nice drivin' with you.

Cletus, will you just hush your dipstick.

Boss, it's all his fault, anyway.

Oh, dipstick, huh?

I'll have you know dipsticks are rich 'cause they're in oil.

Now just hush, hush, both of you!

I mean, you're a disgrace to the uniform, you know that?

- Look at you. - You go get cleaned up.

Both of you, go round up the Dukes.

Don't worry about it. We'll cover all the crossroads.

Well, I'm bringing in reinforcements of my own.

Oh, you are?

Uh, reinforcements? Did you say reinforcements?

- I'm calling Slocum. - Who?

To come here with some muscle.

Of course, when 'em mail sacks with money for Hazzard Highlands

arrive at the post office tomorrow morning at 8

I aim to make it a very special delivery.

Ooh, special delivery, I love it.

Ooh!

Ooh, ooh.

Unaware that Boss was bringin' in reinforcements

the Duke dragnet spread out high and low

tryin' to find out Boss' hideout

without gettin' caught themselves.

Daisy went to the ol' Indian caves.

Bo and Luke scouted Boss' ol' steel sites.

There's nothing but snakes and cobwebs here

at the ol' Indian caves.

There's no luck up here in ol' Boss Hogg's steel site.

Oh, dang, I was hopin' you'd find them there.

Well, you better go on to the ol' coffin works.

- 'Will you stop that?' - Stop what?

'Oh, not you, not you. Get-get-get goin'.

Well, as you can see, the searching party

wasn't having any more luck than Miz Tisdale.

But Rosco and Cletus must have stepped in

a mess of four-leaf clovers.

Out huntin' for 'em Dukes

they got luckier than a rabbit with six feet.

Ooh, ooh, ooh..

Cletus, there they are.

Alright, let's block the road.

Good, this is the best part.

We got us a roadblock up ahead.

Hang on.

No, not again!

Looks like Cletus ain't gonna need that Sunday bath

for another couple of months.

Y'all should have seen ol' Cletus in the gym class.

So when the dawn broke over Hazzard like thunder

the hunt continued for the Hogg hideout.

And Boss' reinforcements were right on schedule.

'Now, didn't Miz Tisdale say'

'that John Smith fella was drivin' a blue sedan?'

- Yeah. - Let's go get him.

'Alright.'

Come on.

That mail truck always arrives at the Hazzard Post Office

at 8 a.m. sharp.

- Well, we'll be there. - That's right.

Yeah, the only thing wrong is

you boys still can't show your faces around here.

Now, we got all that covered.

Perfect. You boys think of everything, don't you?

Alright, now..

After you boys grab 'em mail bags

here's what we're gonna do.

There's somebody out there.

Shh, quick, quick, put your mask on.

I think we're about to have a Hazzard confrontation.

Two on two.

Hey!

Bo, he's got a gun!

Easy. What you guys got against us anyway?

Can we talk this over?

Bad news, bad news.

What a lousy time for those Duke boys to show up, right?

- Wrong. - Wrong?

Yeah. This couldn't have been better

if I had wished it from the tooth fairy.

Are you kiddin' me? Why would you wish...

Oh, will you just wait, watch, and learn?

Alright, good work, boys. Good work.

Now, this turn of events means

we're gonna change our plans a little bit.

We ain't gonna forget the heist?

No, siree, Bob. Not on your life.

What we're gonna do is

we're gonna be able to pin this whole stickup on the Duke boys.

Hey, Nelson, you go in there and grab one of their wallets.

I got it. We're gonna drop it when we make the hit.

'Yeah, you got it, alright.'

What are you doing?

You got it?

- Here you go. - Oh, good.

That's right.

Well, they won't be needin' this no more.

Alright, here you are, Bo Duke.

Bo Duke!

'Make sure you accidently drop that thing during the grab.'

- Right. - Hm-hm.

Alright, now, come on.

Let's see if we can find that clunker car of theirs.

Uh, we just gotta give it a tune down.

You know what I mean? Just in case.

- They left us our knives. - Ha ha ha.

- Here it is. - Yep.

Alright, get that hood up and start pullin'.

- Go on, everything outta there. - Just strip it outta there.

'I don't want nothin' to work in this.'

Now that's like assaulting a member of the family.

- Gimme that. Gimme that. - Be careful.

Trust me.

Well, that takes care of that clunker car.

Alright now. Come on, let's get a move on.

It's time to play post office.

Do you ever think about sharpening this thing?

Here you go. Well, here, lemme do that.

Ride back to town.

What you suppose they took my wallet for?

I got three bucks in it.

It also had your ID in it.

They might be setting us up for somethin'.

We still ain't figured a way to pin Boss Hogg in with this.

Not until now, we ain't.

Does that look familiar?

Woo!

It can't be more that 8 o'clock.

What's Boss Hogg doing floating around here that early?

8 o'clock! Bo, we're slowing down.

What's 8 o'clock gotta do with anything?

8 o'clock is when the mail's delivered to the post office.

Somebody's gotta go in there and pick up bags of $100 bills.

That's right, now let's get outta here.

Now when Boss gets up early

it means trouble for everybody.

And this time, it's the US mail.

Oh, would you look at that.

Those dirty crooks done wreck the General.

They tore this engine clean apart.

Yeah.

Hey, wait a minute.

- Here's the spark wire. - Distributor.

- The air cleaner here. - Couple more wires over here.

Let's try to find all the parts and stick 'em back together.

Alright.

Ah, here's another wire.

Look, I'll start with this. You keep looking.

'10-4.'

You got that Duke fella's wallet?

- Yeah. - Alright.

All ready for the drop.

Morning. 8 a.m., right on time.

Ah! I'll get it.

Alright, sugar. I'll take that.

Now, wait a minute. This is the US mail.

Cool it, honey, and you won't get hurt.

We seen it.

Yeah, we seen 'em rob the mail.

Yeah, we saw the whole pea-picking thing.

One of 'em dropped this wallet. It belongs to Bo Duke.

See, I knew it. It was those Duke boys.

Look at that. It is Bo Duke.

Oh, my. Don't you worry now, Inspector Blake.

We'll catch 'em thieving Dukes.

- We will. - Come on, sheriff.

We are goin' to.

And she thought it was gonna be easy when she left Atlanta.

Alright, say your prayers and turn her over.

- Hey, hey. - 'Dang, we did it.'

Nab it.

Wouldn't you think 'em boys could call in?

Argh!

Rosco, you know everything's working out just perfect now.

Oh, gyuh, gyuh, gyuh.

Now, as soon as we get back to the hideout

I'll take over 'em mail bags, pay off 'em two stooges.

- And send 'em on their way. - On their way.

And then I'll arrest the Duke boys for stealing the US mail.

Yeah.

Then they sure gonna be shipped off to the federal pen.

Ship 'em off.

'Deputy Cletus calling sheriff. Over.'

'Calling sheriff, Duke boys just robbed the post office.'

'Come on, sheriff.'

Held up the post office!

'Em boys wouldn't do something like that.

What in tarnation's goin' on out there?

There's only one way to find out. Let's get crackin'.

Looks like Jesse's in more trouble than Bo and Luke.

'Sheriff Rosco Coltrane..'

Luke, you were so right about that frame-up.

Now, we gotta catch 'em fellas. Come on.

Duke boys just robbed the post office, sheriff.

Oh, why don't you tell me what to do? I don't know what to do.

Duke boys robbed post office.

- Will you drive with me? - Not on your life.

Look out, Cletus.

You know, it's a wonder ol' Cletus don't grow gills.

I gotta get a wet suit.

Now then, here we go.

First of, the bad boys were heading back to the hideout

to divvy up the money with ol' Boss and Rosco.

And the postal lady, bless her lil' ol' heart

was trying to stop all this.

And Jesse was facing a true test of manhood.

Riding with Miz Tisdale..

Hang on.

Again.

And Bo and Luke, who just got free

were heading back to town when..

That's 'em.

- No! Oh, no. - Woo!

'Go after 'em.'

'Em Duke boys. Step on it.

Now we got everybody going in the same direction.

Ain't that slick?

Careful now.

Alright, Duke boys. Just pull it over.

'This is ol' Rosco.'

They didn't hear you. Scream it out the window.

Pull it up.

- They can't hear.. - Oh!

'Pull it over now. I'm serious now.'

'Alright, alright, come in..'

That's showin' him Rosco.

Slow down now, Emma.

Yee-haw!

Now just watch it, Emma.

What's that?

'It's the post office lady. She is loony.'

'Hang on, Jesse.'

What are you thinkin' of doing?

Yeow! Yee-haw!

No!

Whoa!

'Emma!'

Bo, I seen it. But I do not believe it.

Alright, come on out.

Rosco, grab 'em Duke boys.

And arrest them under charge of mail fraud and robbery.

I got the evidence right here.

Hold on a second, Boss.

We found us a piece of evidence over at your hideout site.

'I think it'll be mighty incriminating in court.'

- Where did you find that? - Is it yours?

- Oh, damn. - 'What's going on here?'

Oh, Inspector Blake.

See, we found 'em dangerous criminals, didn't we?

'Rosco, you cuff 'em and stuff 'em.'

And as quick as you can say double cross

ol' Boss did a switch.

He not only turned over Slocum and his pal in

as the two masked crooks that framed the Dukes

but he laid off the mail fraud on 'em too.

'Hundred dollars.'

In return, Bo and Luke agreed

not to blow the whistle on ol' Boss

if he sent all the money back to the people he bilked

in his mail scam.

Another $100.

And as for Miz Tisdale

not only did she receive a commendation

but Jesse admired her gumption so much

that he finally broke down

and invited her to go out cat-fishing with him.

It wasn't even fishing season in Hazzard County.

I know I carry on a lot, Jesse

but you've made me feel 60 again. Thank you.

I sure do like happy endings.

Don't everybody?