Original subtitles

(Quaint acoustic music)

Fl old devil time

fl I'm gonna fool ya' now

fl old devil time

fl you'd like to bring me down

b when I'm feeling low

fl my lovers gather round

fl and help me rise

e and fight you one more time

Fl old devil fear

fl you with your icy hand

fl old devil fear

fl you'd like to freeze me cold

fl but when I'm afraid

fl my lovers gather round

fl and help me rise

b to fight you one more time

fl old devil hate

b I knew you long ago

r then I found out

r the poison in your breath

fl there when we hear your lies

fl my lovers gather round

fl and help me rise

b so I can fight you one more time

R no storm or fire

fl can ever beat us down

r no wind that blows

fl but carries us further on

fl and you who fear

fl oh lovers gather round

fl and we can rise

e and sing it one more time b

(engine rumbles)

- 8:15, Jesus.

- [Voiceover] Dr. Thompson?

Dr. Richard Thompson?

- Hi.

(Bell dings)

- [Voiceover] Dr. Donald (mumbles)...

- Good morning Dr. Miller.

- Good morning sir, I'll be right with you.

- Good morning.

- Good morning Dr. Gaines.

- Mrs. Edith Marino, good morning,

is a 50 year old white female.

Mrs. Marino...

- Look at 'em, like geese round a pond,

craning their necks and shuffling

from side to side, craning and shuffling

and asking a iotta silly questions.

- Never waiting for the answers.

- Maybe they'll say I can home junie moon.

- Good morning, how are you?

The plastic surgeons were in on this earlier

but they've run out of ideas.

- Dr. Miller, when can I go home, when?

- Dr. Miller, go ahead and...

- Junie moon is a 23 year old,

white, unmarried female, who suffered 3rd degree burns

of the left hand, arm, and most of the face

four months ago, as a result of an undisclosed incident.

- Most the skin grafts were done...

- Hi, how are you are?

- Stir crazy.

- I know.

Soon.

- You always say soon.

- Well this time I mean it. - [Dr. Gains] The hand shows

more improvement.

We had a little bit of infection

in this metacarpal but it's cleared up nicely.

Below the eye, there's been more of a problem.

Right along that lateral aspect

is the more recent graft, you see?

- I think it's taken pretty well,

she wants to go home.

- Well, why not?

She can put makeup on the areas if she wishes.

- No makeup.

- Oh, wear a light bandage.

- Why, you said it was healed.

Are you chicken?

(Chuckles)

- Well perhaps I am.

- I'll hold your hand.

(Chuckles)

- Before you leave here, perhaps you'll wanna talk

things over with Dr. Lovelace.

- No thanks.

There's nothing wrong inside my head.

- Good luck.

- Aren't you doctors gonna talk to me at all?

- [Dr. Miller] Is there something you want minnie?

- I wanna go home.

- One day soon dear.

- I'm getting thin as an old sparrow Dr. Miller.

- It'll be ok minnie.

- It'll not be ok minnie.

- Well minnie, what's the verdict?

Do I get the prize?

- I don't have no prizes junie moon.

(Suspenseful orchestral music)

- Jesse rizucki.

Jesse rizucki?

What kind of a name is that, Japanese?

- Oh come on ma, don't start up again.

- Last week it was that runty little Greek,

and before that a Mexican,

why can't you find yourself a nice American boy?

- 'Cause none of them are any good either

according to you.

I mean if he came to the front door

on the mayflower, you'd find something wrong with him.

(Doorbell dings)

Mama, let him in, please?

- You might think of me once in your life.

- Why don't you go to California

and live with aunt belle, and leave me alone.

- [Mama] Well hello there.

- [Voiceover] Good evening.

- Come right in, you must be Jesse.

Junie will be right down.

Oh, what pretty flowers, I just roses, don't you?

- Hi Jesse.

- Don't you wanna leave those flowers

here with me dear?

They'll die out of water?

- No mama, I don't.

(Swinging rock music)

Like to dance Jesse?

- I'm not very good at that.

Fl you keep me hanging on the yes and no

fl baby, baby how you work your show fl

(inaudible argues erupt)

(Swinging rock music)

(Crowd cheers)

I think that I might drown.

(Chuckles)

- That happens here all the time.

- You come here often?

- I guess.

(Chuckles)

- When I'm on the road sometimes

I go in these places,

just to look around.

- Well that sounds lonesome.

I bet you would meet a lot of girls though.

I mean, you're not married.

- Oh no, I'm not married.

(Swinging rock music)

- The rake!

I just decided you're gonna learn how to dance, come on.

- No I can't.

- Oh yes you can, it's really easy, come on.

That's right, this is called doing the rake.

Rake, follow me, just move.

(Mumbles)

(Inaudible crowd chatter)

(Swinging rock music)

Fl keep me high and I'll groove you forever

fl baby

fl come on and groove on in

fl but come on groove on in fl

(loud inaudible crowd chatters)

(Suspenseful orchestral music)

Hey Jesse, it was getting wild, wasn't it getting wild?

Where we going now?

Let's go traveling.

Jesse?

Will you take me with you on your trips Jesse?

Will you?

Will you take me to all those towns

and all those places?

What do you say?

What do you say?

(Upbeat suspenseful music)

(Tires screech)

Jesse, where are we?

Jesse, what is this, where are we?

(Bird squawks distantly)

- Stand over there.

(Ominous organ music)

- [Junie] What are you doing Jesse?

- Sh.

- Jesse, would you mind telling me

what you're doing?

- Don't say anything.

(Suspenseful organ music)

Would you take your clothes off?

Please?

Slowly.

(Suspenseful organ music)

Very slowly.

(Suspenseful organ music)

I'm gonna say things now.

(Suspenseful organ music)

(Gasps)

(Upbeat jazz music)

(Suspenseful organ music)

(Gasps)

(Upbeat jazz music)

- Run, why don't you run away?

Run, why don't you run?

(Suspenseful organ music)

(Gasps)

(Disorganized jazz music)

(Suspenseful organ music)

(Disorganized jazz music)

(Suspenseful organ music)

Honest to god Jesse, I just don't understand

what you were doing out there?

I mean do you get some kind of kick

out of that or something?

Zip me up, will you?

Is that what you do on your travels

in those quiet ol' hick towns?

(Whimsical guitar music)

(Chuckles)

(Laughs boisterously)

I'm sorry, but the thought of me

standing out there naked as the day I was born

(laughs boisterously)

And you just sitting there staring at me.

(Laughs boisterously)

(Suspenseful guitar music)

(Tires screech)

(Laughs boisterously)

(Screams out frightened)

(Skin slaps)

(Gasps frightened)

(Yelps out)

(Skin slaps) (Screams out)

(Groans painfully)

(Bell tolls) (Metal bangs)

(Bell tolls)

(Grunts)

(Metal bangs)

(Groans painfully)

(Metal bangs)

(Grunts satisfied)

(Liquid splatters)

(Screams out painfully)

- Oh no, no!

No, stop that!

(Screams out painfully)

(Sorrowful orchestral music)

- So I'll be outta here in two weeks right?

- If your fever stays down.

- You're such a perfectionist.

- Be glad.

And this 25 year old male was in excellent health

until he was 12.

At that time, he began to notice

a weakness in his left hand.

During the next few months,

the symptoms progressed somewhat,

but diagnostic tests including eeg

and brain scan were negative.

Then about two years later, his family reported

a slight gate disturbance, and with it

seizure like episodes during which

he would experience chest pain,

described as muscular but without

many of the characteristics of epilepsy.

At any rate, on April 10th,

he was brought here by ambulance

following an episode in the street...

- Where are you going?

- To the bank.

- In your hospital gown?

It's against the rules.

- Sh.

You'll disturb the doctors.

- [Dr. Miller] Ms. Oxford?

Where are you Ms. Oxford?

Ms. Oxford?

- [Voiceover] Dr. Barkley, 376.

- I'd like to see a social worker please.

- Do you have an appointment?

- No.

- Oh, well then have your doctor refer you.

- It's urgent, I'm going to kill myself.

- I don't believe you.

Miss farber, there's a man out here

threatening suicide.

- [Voiceover] Dr. Thompson?

- Will you excuse me.

- [Voiceover] Dr. Richard Thompson.

- How do you intend to do it?

- Do what?

- Kill yourself.

- Oh that was just a routine, like blinking your lights

at a drive-in for service.

(Chuckles)

- Well what can I do for you?

- Sit down please.

For one thing, I'd appreciate your processing

this welfare application.

- Warren Palmer, 32 white male,

what does this mean?

Income of minuscule proportion?

- Minuscule, minute, inconsequential.

- I know the word, how much?

- What I receive would shock the league of mothers.

- [Miss farber] How much?

- $200 a month.

My grandmother left it to me in trust.

- That's about $81 more than welfare will allow,

as an old light blinker like yourself probably knows.

- Well if I'm not eligible, here's one who is,

welfare will love Arthur, he's poor as a church mouse.

- Arthur, whoever he is, will have to apply in person.

Now if you don't mind, there are people waiting.

- My dear lady, you don't understand,

I represent Arthur and junie moon too.

- Junie moon, is she the one with...

- Yes and Arthur's the one with seizures

and left sided weakness, tremor in the hand,

et cetera, et cetera.

His diagnosis is as obscure

as a crossword puzzle in sanskrit.

- [Miss farber] But the doctor's must've

given some indication.

- Yes they tell him to touch his right forefinger

and then his left forefinger to his nose.

Arthur estimates that between his two forefingers

he's touched his nose 6,342 times

since he was 12 years old.

Anyway, we have decided to pool our disabilities

and live together after we get out of the hospital.

Now we would have, among the three of us,

one good pair of hands, one good pair of legs,

three good livers, three warm hearts,

and three functioning brains,

well actually, two average brains

and one superior intellect.

- But how will you manage?

Cooking, cleaning, laundry?

Just finding a place to live?

Many people might refuse to rent to you.

- They couldn't.

We represent at least three different minority groups.

(Scoffs)

You lack faith miss farber.

You just find us a little of the green stuff,

and we'll get by.

Now pump this through as quickly as possible,

will you love?

Please?

- Sorry, Arthur will have to come down himself,

I don't make the rules you know.

- Oh nevermind!

And some days, most people who work in hospitals

is they can't stand the sick.

(Joyful orchestral music)

Arthur?

Arthur, you're cheating,

cheafing!

Hi Gordon, still waiting?

Hi Mrs. Sergeant.

Oh, very pretty, new?

Mm.

- [Voiceover] Attention please,

we are calling for...

- Red three on black four?

- [Voiceover] If anybody has that type...

- Mr. Chambers, how are you?

- [Voiceover] Report to the blood bank immediately.

- Mr. Chambers?

How are you today?

- Willis be dammed.

- Good.

Practicing ahead is not permitted,

and that's what you're doing.

Did you look at hers?

- Of course not.

- Well go ahead, I'll play both hands until she comes.

- [Voiceover] Dr. Johnson?

- [Warren] Have you reached any conclusion?

- About what?

- Welfare of course.

- For the last time, no.

Oneo?

No such word as oneo.

- I claim usage, one-o, not oneo.

One-o is a welfare classification

for an unattached male, one-o, that's you.

- Will you can it?

- You're entitled to it dammit,

what's the shame?

- I'm telling you, it'll be a cold day in hell

before I go on the dol again.

- Art...

(Joyful orchestral music)

(Footsteps approach)

(Joyful orchestral music)

- For me?

How touching.

- We've been waiting.

- For what?

Sideshow?

- To play scrabble.

- I see somebody's already messed with my hand.

(Joyful orchestral music)

They told me I can leave tomorrow.

- Good, you can find a place for us.

- Listen, I saw myself today and it's pretty gruesome.

Let's call off this dumb plan.

- No.

- Why would we call it off?

We've been talking about it for weeks,

we can't just turn right around and abandoned ship.

Of course on the other hand, if there...

- There isn't any other hand.

- Look, you and Warren can live together.

You don't need a freak like me.

- We're all freaks, so don't try to steal the show.

(Joyful orchestral music)

(Horn beeps)

(Engines rumble)

(Horn beeps)

(Inaudible chanting)

- [All] Love your neighbors, shout it out.

That's what brotherhood is all about.

Nevermind his color, nevermind his race.

- It's penser, look it, that lady has a face

like a Halloween mask!

- Get outta here you little monster.

- Do I see legs under that hat,

or do I see legs?

- You do.

Hey baby, how 'bout a cold beer?

- No thank you.

- Oh come on, we're harmless.

Hey, you new around here?

Jesus.

- Hey buddy, you sure know how to pick 'em.

(Sorrowful suspenseful music)

- Hey.

(Sorrowful orchestral music)

Hello?

You want some fish?

Come on in, I'll be right with you.

- No thanks, maybe some other time.

(Sorrowful orchestral music)

(Birds chirp)

(Children play distantly)

(Upbeat synthesizer music)

(Board clatters)

(Upbeat synthesizer music)

(Gate creaks)

Not bad.

(Scoffs)

Not good, but not bad.

- You mean the one that's been boarded up

all these years?

- Yes, that's the one.

- Oh, that belongs to miss Gregory.

She and her father live in a stone castle

no kings oak road,

oh what a pair.

The old man is 103.

Oh, here's the number.

- Thank you.

- He was a manufacturer of nuts and bolts

and three penny nails, made a fortune,

brought that castle all the way from Europe

piece by piece.

(Phone rings)

- [Voiceover] Hello?

- Hello, is miss Gregory there?

- [Voiceover] Who is this please?

- My name's junie moon, she doesn't know me.

- [Voiceover] I'm sorry, miss Gregory doesn't take

calls from strangers.

- [Voiceover] Stefan, for god's sake,

give me the phone.

- [Stefan] Yes madam, here it is madam.

- [Miss Gregory] Hello? Who is this?

- My name is junie moon.

I would like to rent that bungalow

of yours on division street.

- [Miss Gregory] Sorry, it's not for rent.

(Dial tone buzzes)

- She hung up!

- I'm telling you, she's something else.

-So am I.

(Phone dials)

Something else.

(Phone rings)

- [Miss Gregory] Hello?

You hung up on me.

- [Miss Gregory] That's right.

- Well don't, I have something to say.

Are you there?

- [Miss Gregory] Of course I'm here.

- I wanna rent that house of yours

because I just got out of the hospital

and I have no place to stay, actually,

there are three of us.

No one else will rent to us because of the way I look.

- [Miss Gregory] Well I don't care what you look like,

but that house is a mess.

- I'll fix it up.

How much rent do you want?

- [Miss Gregory] You can have it for $100 a month.

- That's too much.

- [Miss Gregory] - (Chuckles) All right, $50,

I'll send my driver down with the key,

he'll leave it in the mailbox.

(Dial tone rings)

- I got it!

(Upbeat orchestral music)

Welcome home!

- Hi!

Ah, you've built a ramp, that was very thoughtful.

- I had time.

- Can't stand gratitude, eh?

- It gives me a headache.

Our kitchen.

- Quaint.

- I like this kitchen.

- Oh my grandmother had one of these monsters

in her house in Boston, I didn't know

they made another one like it.

- Is that good or bad?

- Oh if it works, it's excellent,

particularly for making brownies.

We'll have to get wood.

- And ice.

- Are there still ice houses around?

- I found one, but you have to haul it yourself.

- Damn, every bathroom door in america is

half an inch too narrow.

- (Grunts) I was afraid of that,

but here is my prize.

(Static buzzes)

The parlor.

- Be it ever so humble.

- I think it's super.

(Old time music)

- You guys can sleep in here.

- Oh what a divine brass bed, I've always wanted

to sleep in a brass bed.

Arthur?

You won't mind taking the sofa?

- I don't care.

Look at that man going over the falls in a barrel?

- There's some dirty ones in the bottom of the box.

- Where?

Arthur, would you let me look?

- Ha!

If you two can tear yourself away from the peep show,

we'll have something to eat.

- We'll check these out later.

(Old time music)

- Ha!

You like the jazzy lawn furniture?

- Very nouveau.

- There's an old hootie owl who lives up there.

(Bird squawks)

He's a good luck omen.

- Who said so?

- I did.

Don't look now, but we have our very own

private peeping Tom, he comes with the house.

(Screams out)

(Chuckles erupt)

- Bitch.

(Laughter erupts)

What's so funny?

- She caught you with your head down I'd say.

(Chuckles)

- You don't understand, they're cripples, all three of them.

- I'd wish you'd let me wash that filthy undershirt

before it falls off.

- Oh look!

Now they're hiding behind the tree.

- Oh leave them be Sydney, it's no crime to be a cripple.

- But that place has been locked up

for 15 years, why does that Gregory woman

rent it now and to these gorks of all people.

- Come on Sydney, give me that.

(Hammer pounds)

- Need any help?

- What's he doing out there?

- Remodeling the house.

- When I unpack, I first like to put out things

that cheer me up.

(Hammer bangs)

Will you cool it for love of god,

we're trying to have a conversation.

Pictures are cheery, or a little vase if I have it.

- Do you have a little vase?

- No, but I have pictures.

This is guiles, isn't he divine?

- [Junie] Who's guiles?

- Take my picture guiles.

- Hey, he's got my boa!

(Inaudible argues erupt)

- You will not touch that child ever!

- Spoiled brat.

- If he wants the foolish feathers, he can have them,

although I can't imagine why.

Sweetie, don't let those mean old women bother you.

They're not for you, you know that.

Now, do you know what I fixed for you for lunch?

- No, what?

- Wait 'til you see.

Here it is sweetie.

Our favorite dish.

(Upbeat jazz music)

Tuna fish flambeau.

- He died a week later of food poisoning.

I'm sure one of those bitchy models killed him.

He used to go to the shore in the summers.

- You're not gonna tell me who guiles was, are you?

- One day, a helpless girl named Melissa

came from Boston for the 4th of July weekend.

Her mother, who was a biochemist,

thought the air would do her good

because she was so frail.

- Any vacancy for a single girl?

- [All] We'll make a vacancy.

- Before the weekend was over,

they had all cruelly mistreated her.

- Good morning Melissa.

- Good morning guiles.

(Swinging jazz music)

- Grapefruit or orange juice?

- Orange.

(Swinging jazz music)

Fl anything goes fl

(swinging jazz music)

(Playful parisian music)

Fl my dear Mr. Shane

R I could say Bella Bella

fl even say wunderbar fl

- no talent.

- Well finally she went back to Boston,

but the following year she returned

to those same cruel creatures.

(Swinging jazz music)

- Any vacancy for a single girl?

(Swinging jazz music)

- Well those gents were in no way

willing to accept responsibility for the child,

so in blind despair one day,

Melissa was forced to shape her own destiny.

- Hold it, one, two... - (Baby cries out)

Oh baby, it's guiles, I'll take care of ya'.

Oh sh, hi.

(Baby cries)

Dear fellas, I found a beautiful spaniard

on the beach yesterday.

He owns a coffee plantation and asked me

to go with him to Argentina to meet his mother.

It's your turn to take care of little Warren.

(Baby fusses)

Happy father's days, love Melissa.

- Little Warren?

You!

- As it turned out, guiles saved the day.

- Figures one of us is the father.

- But who?

- Yea who?

- We'll draw straws, kinda like Russian roulette.

- Nevermind that silliness, I'll take him,

besides doesn't he look like me?

- That's who guiles was,

and the best father a little boy could have.

After he died, I stayed with her,

my grandmother, the Boston biochemist.

She tried poor thing to be a good mother,

but who could follow guiles?

- Warren, how did you get shot?

- Hm?

Oh it was an accident, it happened so long ago,

I can hardly remember.

Oh!

(Laughter erupts)

All right now that does it, Arthur will have to be taught

to be more considerate.

(Inaudible chatter) (Construction clutters)

Oh Arthur, you're an angel.

- Please, don't call me an angel.

(Board clatter)

(Door knocks)

- [Warren] What's this?

- The ghost of miss Oxford.

- Well you sound like miss Oxford,

but I don't have a temperature.

- Well you're hardly in a position

to counterman doctor's orders Mr. Palmer, come on.

Take your gantrisin please.

- Gantrisin tastes like dead flowers.

- Well the reason that gantrisin tastes like dead flowers,

ew, is because somewhere in your edible development,

your mother was allergic to spring bloomers.

- Nurse, I don't like to complain,

but this is a little...

- I asked for some in one piece,

but they didn't come.

Foryou?

I have Dilantin plus.

Don't it make your mouth water?

- Junie moon?

Do you have time to sit for a minute?

I'm not gonna take the Dilantin.

- How come?

- Because I've been taking it for too many years,

Dilantin and a thousand other pills,

and nothing helps.

So I've decided, it all must be in my mind.

(Scoffs)

- Now you sound like miss Oxford.

- No, I don't mean it that way.

Look, the doctor's don't know what's wrong with me,

so they can't help me.

So I have to help myself or give up.

Right?

- Right.

- I've got to get a job, any job,

and then later I'll find something

with a real future and I can take care

of all three of us.

- Bravo!

- Look, not one tremor.

- Arthur?

You're the living end.

Not one speck of fever, how 'bout that?

- Maybe I can produce one for you

by tomorrow night.

- Sleep on it.

- Junie moon?

You're sexier than Oxford.

- Oh!

Goodnight Arthur.

(Suspenseful jazzy rock music)

(Door knocks)

- Yes?

- Good afternoon, miss Gregory sent some linens.

- Miss who?

Junie moon?

- The landlady.

- Junie moon?

I say, these are quite something.

I think you could also bring us

a new ironing board and a refrigerator.

- Madam, where would you like these?

- But you must remember me, Sydney Warner?

- Why must I?

- (Sighs) What I mean is we used to chat

when you came to visit old Mrs. Robertson here.

- Chat?

- Your faithful old nanny, he living out her last days here.

- She was a whining mean old woman

and I pensioned her off to get rid of her.

- About these new tenants miss Gregory...

- What about them?

- Yes, what about them?

I'm Warren Palmer.

On your way please.

He spies on us through the hedge.

- I do not!

- So good of you to send the linen,

would you care to come in?

Scat, scat!

- Who do you thinkyou're talking to?

- You heard him, scat.

- I'm Warren Palmer.

- Well so you are my new tenant.

- One of them, I'm sorry not to know your name.

- Gregory.

What happened to your legs?

- They're paralyzed.

That's a devine car.

A 1927 rolls?

- '25.

I assumed you were paralyzed, but how did it happen?

- An accident.

Oh do come in.

- All right, for a minute.

- I'm baking brownies, they should be done any second.

- I don't like brownies.

Where is the woman who rented the house?

- Inside.

You really don't like 'em?

- I detest them.

- Really?

(Door knocks)

- Oh hello.

- My god, what happened to you?

- I fell into an egg beater.

- Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude.

Would you come to dinner tomorrow night?

I'll send the car at six.

- Hello Sam.

- Well I'll be dammed, how are you Arthur?

- Just fine.

I uh...

I came to see if you'd give me old job back.

- Tell me about Florida, did you have a good time?

- Oh, Florida was ok.

- Yea?

- Sure.

- Look Arthur, you don't have to make up stories for me.

I happen to know that you didn't go to Florida,

that the day you left here you had a fit

in the middle of the street,

the ambulance took you to the hospital.

- You know all that?

- Sure I do.

But I want you to know Arthur that it doesn't

make a damn bit of difference to me.

- Yea?

- I had an uncle who had fits.

Once he had one right at the table.

(Phone buzzes)

Busy.

In the middle of Thanksgiving dinner,

we kept right on eating pretending

nothing had happened.

- What about my job?

- Arthur, you know I'd take you back anytime

if it was up to me, but the company,

they have these stupid rules.

- When did the company make these rules?

While I was in Florida?

(Phone dials)

(Door knocks)

- Arthur, come on, your food is getting cold.

(Gasps)

Arthur?

- [Arthur] I don't want any dinner.

- Is anything wrong?

- No nothing's wrong, I just don't feel like eating.

- [Junie] But your dinner's ready.

- I didn't ask you to cook for me.

- But I did, so what do you think of that?

I'm coming in.

- No.

- I'm in, so don't shout.

- Arthur's sick.

You know I've found some curtains

in the cupboard that I think might look nice in here.

Do you like grapes?

- What?

- Grapes, the curtains have purple grapes

on a pink background.

I found that if you starch old worn curtains,

it generally improves their spirit.

(Arthur sighs)

Come on let's eat.

Oh?

We're dining at the Waldorf I see.

- It's for Arthur.

- Why me?

- Because you're so adorable.

- For Christ's sake Warren.

(Door knocks)

- Why it's binnie farber, come in.

- Thanks, how are you?

- This is junie moon.

- Hi.

- And this is Arthur.

Miss farber's a social worker specializing in suicides.

- Hello.

- Would you like something to eat?

- Tonight my dear, we are featuring

tomato ragu made from an exclusive recipe

on a ketchup bottle.

- Thanks, I ate at the hospital.

- That may be just as well.

Would you like some coffee though?

- All right.

- What did he mean suicides?

- That's how we met wasn't it Mr. Palmer?

(Chuckles)

What a nice house, and congratulations

on beating the system.

When you didn't come down about your application,

I decided to drop by.

- You're an angel.

- What application?

- All you have to do is sign it,

I'll put it right through, and here's a small check

to tide you over.

- What's all this?

- Your application for welfare

you sent to me with Mr. Palmer.

- What's she talking about?

- Now don't get in an uproar, miss farber and I

were just looking ahead to more austere times

like right now, and I just saved you the trouble

and applied for you.

- You've got a hell of a nerve behind my back.

- You're such a stubborn idiot.

- Oh Jesus Warren.

- If you're entitled to welfare, you know,

it isn't as though it's a hand out.

- The answer is no god dammit.

- Arthur!

- Look, I wore state pants and state shoes,

and I ate state slop, and crapped in a state pot

for too many years.

Drive out to the state school for the feeble minded someday,

it's only three miles out of town.

Go in, make yourself at home for a few years.

As a taxpayer, you're entitled to it.

See how you like it.

- What I fail to see is why we should have to suffer

because of your traumatic past?

- I'll tell you one thing, junie moon and I

do all the work around here.

You, you sit in that, that,

that little thrown of a wheelchair,

you give out orders like some damn queen.

- Well Arthur you would think,

if I were a queen, I'd rather be that

then a ridiculous virgin like you.

I'm sorry miss farber, but he's impossible.

- Do you still think we beat the system?

(Sorrowful orchestral music)

- Thanks very much.

(Inaudible response)

- What can I give you?

- Oh a box of those stripers, and three nice mackerel.

- Three nice mackerel coming up.

Oh.

No the small silver ones.

(Chuckles)

Yea that's it.

Thank you very much.

Anything else?

- No that's it.

- Ok, that'll be $2.80.

Thanks a lot.

- Thank you Mario.

- Now what can I give you?

- Ajob.

You need somebody to haul the trash.

- Oh no.

- The front was a mess, see I cleaned it up a little

and uh, thought the fish looked better that way,

see in the window?

- You need a job bad?

- You wouldn't have to pay me much.

- How much?

- I'd leave it to you.

- Drive a hard bargain.

Ok, how 'bout $30 in fish for your supper?

(Chuckles)

You come early, tomorrow's Friday.

Ok?

(Chuckles)

A little advance.

(Chuckles)

- Hey!

Where is everybody?

Warren?

- [Junie] I for one am in this tree.

- What the hell?

- And I'm looking at you, so watch it.

- [Arthur] What are you doing up there?

- Me and owl are having words.

- Well come on down, I got a job!

-Ann"

oh help me, I'm afraid of heights.

(Yelps out)

(Chuckles erupt)

- You hear what I said?

- Yes, may I give you a little congratulatory kiss?

- Well no, please, I want you to kiss me.

- Oh.

Tell me about your job.

- Kiss me first.

Well, I got a job at the fish market,

and I brought you a present.

It's a genuine whiting, fresh today.

- Thank you Arthur, I don't believe any man

has ever given me a fish before.

(Chuckles)

Come on get dressed, we're going to a party.

(Engine revs)

(Ominous organ music)

- It's a palace.

- What'd you expect, a split level?

- Good evening.

- Ah, there you are, marvelous.

Greetings!

- Oh thank you.

- Thanks.

- How do you like our landlady?

- None of mine ever looked like that.

- You led too sheltered a life Arthur.

- Ah Gregory, this is Arthur.

- Hi.

- Delighted to see there's nothing wrong with you.

- I'm fine thanks.

- Arthur got a job today.

- Oh well let's drink to it, your new engagement,

whatever it might be.

- He's gonna be a fishmonger.

- Oh my god, wonderful.

And what do you do?

- Absolutely nothing.

- Fascinating.

- This is a gorgeous house.

- Do you like it beauty?

Daddy built it stone by stone as a monument

to himself I think.

- Do you live here all alone?

- No, with daddy of course.

Come beauty, let me show you around.

- I'd be delighted.

(Chuckles)

- You like this stuff?

Beauty?

- It's not bad.

- Wait until you taste my purple kizazz,

fl it'll make you wanna do the razz-a-matazz

b a razz-a-matazz

b a razz-a-matazz

b a razz-a-matazz

b a little vo

fl some grand Marnier

flyadadadadafl

hell I forget the beefeater.

(Hums whimsically)

- Well first I get us a new refrigerator.

And then, I'll buy you a green dress with sequins.

- Oh Arthur, what would I do with sequins?

B a razz-a-matazz

b a razz-a-matazz

r a razz-a-mata fl

you know?

A person might just get to like this kind of life.

Junie moon and her black Ferrari.

Fl razz-a-matazz

fl razz-a-matazz fl

junie moon in the garden of Spain,

you are there too, dancing, Spanish fandango

with a snappy eyed seniorita.

- Women are never attracted to me.

- They are afraid of your passionate ways.

- Oh!

- That's my word.

(Chuckles erupt)

(Oppulent orchestral music)

- Oh goodness.

- It was modeled after a cathedral in southern France.

Warren, you could walk if you wanted to couldn't you?

- Of course not.

- Supposing it were a matter of life or death?

- Life or death?

- Say the house caught on fire?

- You're like all landlady's, worry, worry, worry.

The house is not gonna catch on fire.

By the way, how many apostles came

to the last supper?

- What if there were a grand prize?

- Prize?

- Then could you walk beauty?

- I could stay like this until it's time to go to work.

- Would you care to explore the castle with me beauty?

- I'd be delighted.

(Playful oboe music)

- Daddy?

Daddy!

Pop?

(Playful oboe music)

- Suppose I said I would give you this cross

commissioned in the 9th century

by pope Pascal the first, would you walk for me then?

- Impossible, not even if you were pope Gregory the first.

- The only other one like it is in the Vatican museum,

it is worth over $100,000.

- What?

- $100,000, yours.

- You're making me very nervous.

- Try.

(Spiritual organ music)

- It won't work.

- Only because you don't want it to work,

that's the trouble with people like you, you give up.

- What does an old maid in a stone dungeon

know about people like me?

- Good, a little spirit finally.

Come on beauty, one step,

and we will go to Rome together, you and I,

and see the splendors for ourselves,

come on try again beauty, come and get it.

- You'll break your neck.

- Don't interfere fish mongerer,

go on beauty show them.

- No he will not.

We're going home now.

(Engine revs)

- Oh come on in, one drink, Jesus.

- Too late Mario, Alice, you know how she is.

- Oh what's late?

What about you Joe?

I'll drive you home later in the wagon?

- Next week.

Hey you were a fireball tonight.

- [Voiceover] Eight strikes in a row, damn.

- [All] Bye Mario.

(Phone rings)

- Hello?

- [Voiceover] Hello? Mario?

- Yea, who's this.

- [Voiceover] You've hired yourself some boy

for your store Mario.

- Who is this?

- [Voiceover] You got yourself a Lulu Mario,

the guy outta be locked up.

- Why? What's wrong?

- [Voiceover] He's a sodomist Mario.

- A what?

- [Voiceover] A sodomist, don't you know what that is?

- Who the hell are you?

- [Voiceover] Don't say I didn't warn you.

When this gets around, you won't have

many customers left.

(Phone dial tone rings)

- Sodomy?

Sodomist?

Sodomist, s...

S-o-d-a...

S-o-d-a?

S-o-d-o?

(Mumbles)

S-o-d-o?

S-o-d-o...

Sodomist?

Sodomy?

(Whistles)

I'll be dammed.

(Engine revs)

- Hi.

- Oh yea, how are you?

- Ok.

You?

- Yea ok.

Listen, I've been thinking it over,

and well I guess I'm trying to say

is I don't need no help just now,

you know what I mean?

- Well I'd take $20 instead of 30.

- No, no!

No.

(Door slams)

(Sighs defeated)

- You could at least tell me how long to cook the parsnips.

- I can't imagine why you're making a banquet for him,

he's so inconsiderate.

It's 9 o'clock.

If this cooks any longer, no one will be able to eat it.

He probably didn't get the job.

- You're crazy.

He must be sweeping out the store.

I'm gonna go tell him supper's ready.

You stay here and keep the food hot

incase he comes home.

(Bell tolls)

(Door handle jiggles)

(Ominous orchestral music)

- [All] Where were you when they gave out the brains

say it man, say it all.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself.

Say it man.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs in the attic playing with yourself.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself.

Upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs in the attic playing with yourself

upstairs...

(Gasps frightened)

- [Voiceover] Help, help me.

Help.

(Ominous orchestral music)

(Inaudible whispers taunt)

(Suspenseful bass music)

- [Voiceover] Nothing like this

ever happened in my family.

- [Voiceover] Well nothing like this

ever happened in mine.

- [Voiceover] But I'm not retarded, mama,

turn the car around please.

(Gasps out frightened)

(Door bell rings)

- My name is junie moon.

I came to ask you what happened to Arthur?

- Please, come in, please.

- Where is Arthur?

- Sit down, please.

We met before in front of my shop, remember?

- Vaguely.

What did you do with him?

- I sent him away.

- Why?

- Please sit down.

Somebody telephoned.

- Telephoned? Who?

- He wouldn't give his name.

- What did he say?

- He...

You can leave it off.

It won't bother me.

- What could he say?

- He said that...

Arthur was a sex pervert, I didn't believe him,

but I fired him anyway.

- That sounds like that creep Sydney Warner next door.

- What?

That's it.

He always talks like he has to blow his nose all the time.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it.

- Then why did you!

- I don't know why.

(Sobs frustrated)

- Don't, don't feel bad, please don't do that.

(Sobs frustrated)

- We waited on dinner, he didn't come home

and the damn parsnips burned.

(Suspenseful dark music)

(Horn blasts)

(Horn buzzes)

(Door jumbles)

(Suspenseful dark music)

- Here at Monroe, we provide a therapeutic environment

which enables the retardee to realize his potential.

(Chants erupt)

- [All] New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

New boy, get him.

- After all, you can't lose a man like a glove or something.

- So where is he then?

- Well maybe he went to visit friends?

- Oh, a lot you know about Arthur.

(Horn blasts)

(Horn blasts)

- Where were you when they gave out the brains.

- I want a plate, but I'm having a fit.

- He had fit and fell and hit.

(Inaudible chants erupt)

(Suspenseful dark music)

- Hey kiddo, you new here, huh?

They give you hell, hm?

From now on, you eat in here with Ramona, ok?

Hm?

- I told you he wouldn't be here,

I locked up myself.

- He's a damn jerk to scare us like this.

- Is he your uh, person?

- No.

Not the way you mean.

- You worry about him though?

- 'Course I worry about him.

- He's not your husband?

- Who?

- Arthur.

- No and Warren isn't either.

- Warren, who's Warren?

- Let's look some more, ok?

(Horns beep)

- Anyway, when I was a boy, that house wasn't dark

and musty like it is now, it was...

It was full of good smells and lots of yelling

and laughing and children, and...

I talk too much don't I?

My grandfather built that house.

He broke his back in the fish market,

and he raised eight boys,

and none of them would go into the business with him,

they said they got enough fish smell growing up

to last them the rest of their lives.

(Engine revs)

Then about 15 years ago, my grandfather made

the announcement that he and my grandmother

were going back to Italy to stay.

I could never understand it.

- Maybe they got tired of the smell too.

- (Chuckles) Maybe.

Anyway, they left it all to me,

the house, the store, (sighs) But you shoulda heard...

You shoulda heard my grandmother when she left.

"It's upa to you Mario to filla the house

"with kids again, getta yourself a wife

"while you still a gotta strong legs."

- Why didn't you?

- Who knows.

(Scoffs)

Lazy maybe.

No not true, I work like a horse.

Cheap?

While I do put the money away in the bank

like the old man did, but I spend too.

I'm ugly, that's it.

- Yea, that must be it.

(Chuckles erupt)

(Train horn blares)

- Hey Ramona?

You probably think I'm stupid, but I feel for your.

- What?

- I feel for you Ramona.

(Mumbles)

- Let's see you go for me.

Huh, huh?

(Laughter erupts)

(Horn blasts)

- You like oatmeal?

- Oh there you are.

- So you condescended to come home.

Who is this man I ask?

- This is Mario.

Mario, this is waren.

- Hello.

- I take it you didn't find Arthur.

- No.

We did not find Arthur.

- It never occurred to you did it,

that I have been sitting here for eight hours and 45 minutes

worrying myself sick.

First one disappears, and then the other.

Mafio?

Are you Mario's fish store?

How do you do?

And still nobody tells me anything,

why is the fish store here?

- Because I asked him.

But it's too long a story to go into,

do you want some oatmeal?

- She is a tyrant, and a lousy cook.

She makes oatmeal with lumps as big as plums.

Yes, I'll have a small dish.

I called the police.

- The police!

- Well I'm not altogether useless, you know.

I wheeled myself down to the drugstore

and I called the bureau of missing persons,

and I told them all about Arthur.

- That was a smart thing to do.

- Well did you find him, I'd like to know.

- Did the bureau of missing persons find him,

I'd like to know.

- No they didn't seem too interested really.

- We looked up and down the street all night.

- It's probably my fault he didn't come home.

- Don't try and take all the credit.

- You can blame me, I fired him.

- Yea, but that creep Sydney Warner

called him and told him a pack of lies about Arthur.

- One day I am gonna strangle Mr. Sydney Warner.

I could you know, I'm stronger than I look.

Look, you see, what'd I tell you?

- Well it's very good.

It is, it's very good.

- I know where he is, of course,

why didn't I think of it before?

- [Junie] Where?

- The hospital, he probably felt sick

and went back to the hospital.

But this time, don't stay away so long please?

- [Junie] Don't worry!

- Don't worry she says, really?

(Quaint acoustic music)

Fl oh devil pain

fl you often pinned me down

fl you thought I'd cry

fl and beg you for the end

fl but at that very time

fl my lovers gathered round

fl and helped me rise

fl to fight you one more time fl

- [voiceover] Dr. Human to the front desk please.

- Good morning.

- Hi, we thought you'd pack up

and go to new caldonia.

- Not yet, but it sounds tempting.

Did Arthur come in here?

- The clinic phoned yesterday and said

none of ya' had been in for your follow ups.

- We'd been leading too wild a life

for follow ups miss Oxford.

You haven't seen him?

- No.

Is anything wrong?

- I guess not.

How's minnie?

- She's under sedation most of the time.

When she remembers, she talks about nothing but you.

- How long do you think?

- A week, two, we can't tell.

- Minnie?

Minnie?

Minnie?

- Lord god, it's junie moon.

I ain't even packed.

Nurses anybody, come help minnie,

junie moon has come to take me home.

(Playful synthesizer music)

Thank you Mario, that was a fine ride.

- Warren?

Warren?

- Did you find him?

- No, but I've got minnie here with me.

- Minnie!

- Sh.

If you say one word, I'll sit in your brownies.

(Sweet orchestral music)

Mario, there's a cot in there,

will you get it please?

- Now quick, quick.

There's another one.

- That new one is black.

- They're all black as far as I'm concerned.

- Why it's Warren, how are you Warren?

- Just peachy minnie.

I figured out where Arthur really went

incase you're still interested?

- Where?

- It's negative logic.

- Meaning what?

- The state school.

He hated it, but it was the only place he knew.

- Oh this time I think you're right.

Should we go?

Minnie, we won't be gone long.

- Just a minute now.

- Warren will look after you until we get back.

Here's her medicine.

- But...

Here minnie, won't you lie down here, take this.

- Oh Warren, I'd give up my grave for you

if you ever find yourself in need of one.

- Well the time may come sooner than you think.

There you go.

- Can you believe that all my trouble

started with a little pimple on my finger?

- Here, here minnie.

- Oh thank you Warren.

Our family doctor told me to leave that pimple alone.

Leroy?

Leroy, you put your sweater on now.

- I'm not Leroy and besides it's hot out here.

- Oh I went from one doctor to the other

with that little pimple.

Lord god in the morning, what a mistake that was.

Warren?

Warren?

Warren, I'm getting the pain.

You go get miss Oxford for me.

- All right now take it easy now, take it easy minnie,

miss Oxford sent along some medicine,

oh my god, Oxford would write a book.

- Oh Warren, miss Oxford may tell you

that she's busy, but you get her anyway.

- See hold patient while administering elixir,

this will tend to decrease her anxiety

while medication is being adsorbed.

Here minnie, come on, that's a good girl,

come on try to drink it.

Good, good.

(Sorrowful synthesizer music)

(Dog whines)

(Sorrowful synthesizer music)

Why would you go to the depot at noontime?

- To wait.

And beside, William b. Jackson worked

in the railroad express office and...

I had a crush on him.

- Was William b. Jackson handsome?

- He didn't have a thing to recommend to him.

He wore a green sun visor and (chuckles)

And a orange vest, and he was the most

near-sighted man that ever lived.

It's hard to tell who you end up having a case on.

- Mario!

Stop!

Mario, look over there!

- You didn't tell me he had a dog.

- He doesn't.

- Well it looks like a dog to me.

- Well it only goes to show you,

you see what you wanna see.

Come on let's go, please.

(Engine revs)

(Horn beeps)

Arthur!

(Horn beeps)

Arthur!

(Horn beeps)

It's me, junie moon, you're oldest friend.

Arthur, get into the truck.

Mario didn't mean to fire you.

- Oh.

- Oh happens to be her word.

- Will you shut up?

Arthur please, get into the truck.

Arthur!

Let's go home.

- Are you sure?

- Yep.

He'll take his sweet time, but he will come home.

- How do you know?

- Because he was already on his way.

We didn't find him at all.

(Engine revs)

- Dr. Miller, what on earth are you doing here?

- I've come for minnie.

Well you know we just planned a short visit,

or didn't junie moon tell you?

- Oh that wicked woman, she loves to see me suffer.

Minnie's asleep.

Would you like a brownie?

- No thanks, we've got to get back.

(Door creaks)

(Dog pants)

(Door creaks)

- Be sure it's fresh.

- The swordfish.

- What do you mean sure?

- Not frozen.

- What kinda place you think I run?

Frozen, Jesus.

- Mario?

- Yea I'll be right with you.

Listen, by last night I had an idea.

- And two cans of tuna.

- Oh come on Warren, you know you don't

get tuna at a fish market.

- Well how about tartar sauce.

- That I have.

(Mumbles)

Listen Warren, last night I thought

maybe everybody could use a vacation, you know?

- Stunning.

I for one have not had a holiday in years.

What'd you have in mind?

- Oh just good time, you know,

maybe go to the ocean or something.

Hey does she like clams, steamers?

- Uh huh, I thought you were giving

madam the eye last night.

- Ok then?

- No, unfortunately we're walking a financial tightrope,

it would be impossible.

I adore clams.

- Oh no listen, it was my idea so I would pay.

- You're an angel Mario.

- Have you got everything?

- Well I accept the bill.

- I'll open an account for you.

- Well how elegant Mario.

- Listen, the clams are on me.

Tell her to steam them just a little bit

and squeeze a little lemon the water, ok?

- Right.

- Mario?

- Yea, coming (mumbles).

Maybe we could go to the ocean in my truck?

You ask them, ok?

- Leave it to me.

- Yea I got your order, I got it right here, sorry.

(Mumbles)

(Horn beeps)

- Try to think of it from a health point of view Arthur,

few days in the sun will make a new man of you.

- You know what you can do with your health point of view?

- Try to think of us for a change.

We could use a little holiday

after what we went through finding you.

- Nobody asked you to, besides we don't have the money.

- For the love of god Arthur, the man asked us

to be his guests, don't you get anything?

- Not from him I don't.

- You are the most obstinate person under the sun,

you won't do this, you won't do that,

you won't take welfare, you won't go to the ocean,

like an old maid of the finest ball of Christ.

- If you think I'm going racing off to the ocean

with some son of a bitch who can't even

keep his word about a lousy little job,

you got rocks in your head.

- Arthur?

You're jealous.

(Door knocks)

- For...

- Come in.

Oh hi, come in!

- Hi.

- I just made some divine pancakes, you want some?

- No, no thanks.

Hello.

- Hm.

- I brought this, tells about a nice hotel at the beach.

- Oh, come frolick with the stars

at Patty's hideaway, marvelous,

doesn't that sound marvelous Arthur?

- If it sounds so marvelous, why don't you go without me?

- Oh well look Arthur, I thought of this trip

mostly for you and junie moon.

- Oh I hope not mentioning me was an oversight.

- (Chuckles) Sure.

I mean I myself, I couldn't get away just now,

you know with the store and everything.

- But of course not.

Now nobody ever thought of that, did they Arthur?

Well now let's have a cup of coffee

and discuss Mario's proposal like the civilized creatures

that we are.

Hm Arthur?

- Do you like fishing?

- In a sense, yes.

(Playful acoustic music)

- Good morning Mario.

- Morning.

Here, put these on.

It'll keep your hand from getting sore.

- Oh, mittens by Mario, grazi senor.

- And this.

- To hide under, eh?

- No, to protect you from the sun.

There, that's a pretty color for you.

(Chuckles)

- Give me my hat.

- There it goes.

- You know, the only Mexican arab in captivity.

(Laughter erupts)

Thank you Mario, bye bye.

- Uh drive carefully, you hear?

- Darling man, let's go junie moon!

- Oh hey wait a minute.

I almost forgot, the money.

- Oh I'll take care of that.

- Goodbye Mario.

- Bye.

Hey come back!

(Uplifting pop rock music)

- You're gonna hand that money right back to me.

- Madam, I'm gonna manage this venture, if you don't mind.

I already made a number of arrangements yesterday,

reserved the suite, prepared them for our arrival.

- Ha!

You sound like a cook store leader.

(Chuckles)

- Turn right at the next stop Mrs. Cunningham,

we'll take route 128.

- Who the hell is Mrs. Cunningham?

- Mrs. Cunningham is very rich

and very society and has been a recluse

for years and years since the Andre andoria went down,

I believe, and today she's setting out

incognito to pursue her only interest in this life, fishing.

How does that role fit you my dear?

- Little baggy around the hips love.

(Chuckles)

Who are you may I ask?

- Your brother whom you love and adore.

And you are her secretary, Arthur Von austed.

- Arthur Von austed?

- Isn't that regal?

- Please, don't wink at me.

- Why not?

- Because.

It makes me think you're queer or something.

- So what if he is?

You don't have to wink back.

(Chuckles aloud)

(Uplifting orchestral music)

I dunno Warren, are you sure this Mrs. Cunningham of yours

isn't sitting in the lobby of Patty's hideaway

at this very minute?

- Of course not silly, she and her husband David

are aboard their yacht in the mediterranean.

I've read about it Suzy's column.

(Uplifting orchestral music)

- What if I don't wanna be Mrs. Cunningham's secretary?

- It's too late for that now Arthur,

they're expecting us and that's that.

Ah! There it is up ahead now, see, see!

- I see.

Oh Warren!

- Now ride up to the front door, ok?

(Playful acoustic music)

- Deliveries around to the side.

- We're not a delivery sunny.

- Well you can't park this thing here.

- Would you please call the manager?

(Whistle blows)

- Let's get the hell outta here

before it's too late.

- No Arthur please, let me handle this.

- Problems Eric?

- Yea, give me a hand.

- Would you kindly tell whoever is in charge

that the Cunningham party is here.

- Look, I don't care who you are,

you can't park this tihng here.

- What's the trouble?

- I'm Mrs. Cunningham's brother,

I mean really, this man is most inhospitable.

- Well I'm so sorry sir, why don't you use your head?

- Welcome to Patty's hideaway.

- I don't know how to appologize sir.

Did you have a pleasant trip Mrs. Cunningham?

- Sorry, Mrs. Cunningham doesn't speak to strangers.

- Yes of course.

Park the Cunningham truck carefully

and bring up the luggage.

(Playful beach music)

(Dog barks)

(Playful beach music)

- I'll show you the town and the facilities.

- Oh then you're the recreation director?

- You might say that.

- How's the fishing here?

- Well that depends on what you're after.

- Oh this will do very nicely.

- If there's anything else, just let me know.

- Oh well now as I said on the phone,

there's to be no publicity.

- Of course not.

- No autographers.

- Really sir.

- Don't you think that dreadful truck

was a clever idea?

(Chuckles erupt)

- Superb.

(Chuckles)

And again, my apologies for the way

the boy handled himself.

- Think nothing of it, here.

Give him this so that he'll see

that there are no hard feelings.

- Thank you sir.

(Laughter erupts)

- Doesn't speak to strangers?

(Laughter erupts)

- No publicity.

(Laughter erupts)

(Voice cracks)

(Laughter erupts)

(Engine rumbles)

- Out here, no one will bother you,

good fishing too Mrs. Cunningham.

The chef sent along lunch, sandwiches,

cold lobster, white wine.

- You wouldn't by any chance be going into town would you?

- Sure, get you something?

- Take me with you.

- Why not?

- I need to buy some swimming trunks,

besides I find fishing very non-stimulating.

(Chuckles)

(Engine rumbles)

- I could jump straight up in the air.

- Be my guest.

- Here.

You wanna know something?

This is the first vacation that I've had

in my whole life.

- Oh Arthur, where did you learn how to do that?

- There was an old pond at state school.

There were no fish in it.

- Huh? No fish?

- We had a basketball court without a basket.

Hey I think I got something.

One year, I was high scorer.

Huh, look at him jump.

- How did you know your were high scorer

if you didn't have a basket?

- Damn, I lost him.

- I think it's on here.

Arthur.

(Reel clicks)

(Giggles erupt)

- Yea, you got him.

- Feels like a whale.

(Reel clicks)

- Well...

Here's your whale Mrs. Cunningham.

(Gasps out)

They say fish don't feel things like we do.

Shall we throw him back?

- Will it be all right?

- Hell of a lot better than if we don't.

Sorry.

(Water splashes)

- And this divine little whatever it is for you.

Aren't these marvelous.

- Absolutely.

- Won't I need shoes for sailing?

- Non skids, right.

- 11112, triple a, and some pants like his.

I'd better get something for Arthur,

he'll be furious.

How much is this?

- $0.25.

- Arthur will love it.

I guess that's all for today.

- Well that's $55.00.

- Send it all to the hotel.

- Ok.

- Ready?

- Hi.

- Hey babe, what's the word?

- Quiet man, dead, nothing buy families.

Throw me buck.

- No singles man, sorry.

- I have one in my pocket.

- Thanks man.

- He handles the beach at the blue marlin.

- Oh.

- How about a hot dog?

- Fine.

- Shall we walk?

- Well, that's up to you.

- Oh yea, right.

(Waves crash)

- You got good looking legs.

- Ha! So have you.

- Too skinny.

I was always built like a damn Jack rabbit.

- Oh I don't know, you look pretty Charles atlas

through the cheset to me.

Oh it's true!

You have skinny toes.

(Sighs)

(Chuckles)

- It's nice.

- Yea.

- You know what's real nice,

sitting out here and just looking at you.

- Ho!

- No not ho, I like looking at you.

- At this face?

- It bothered me at first, I'll admit,

but now I've gotten to know you and...

It's like your face has gotten very beautiful.

- Next you'll be telling me to enter

of the miss American contest.

- No, I'd tell you that

when I'm with you, you make me very happy.

I mean, I'm hungry.

- You just ate breakfast.

- Right, but now we're on vacation,

so we're gonna have lunch.

(Chuckles)

I'll get the picnic basket.

(Waves crash)

- How many for you?

- Oh two please, and coffee.

- Three dogs, two coffees.

What happened to your sister?

- An accident.

- You're built like a god, you know?

- Which one?

- Well Adonis, who else?

(Chuckles)

- Were you an accident too?

- No, mine was something else.

Do you work long hours?

- 'Round the clock.

You didn't have polio or anything?

- That'd be $1.20 please.

- I don't talk about it.

- Ok, now what happened?

- Well...

I had this friend, Melvin coffee,

who was very rich, very good looking,

not as good looking as you are,

anyway we were rabbit hunting...

Does it bother you if I tell you you're good looking?

- No.

- Well anyway, I was only 17 and I guess

I didn't really know the score and...

Oh it's much too sordid.

Here, you want some mustard?

- No thanks.

You mean, Melvin made a pass at you?

- I didn't say that.

- You made a pass at him?

- Really? You're impossible.

(Chuckles)

- Anyway, you wound up being the rabbit.

- Well, we agreed to say it had been an accident.

You know, I just told you the whole story of my life

and I don't even know your name.

- Call me beach boy, everybody does.

- Don't you have a real name?

- I'm saving it.

- For what?

- For when I own this whole god damn town

and build me a real hotel.

- Well in the meantime,

do you mind if I call you guiles?

- Why guiles?

- Oh someone I knew a long time ago,

he was very elegant.

As a matter of fact, his teeth

were almost as white as yours.

(Laughter erupts)

(Whimsical string music)

- That feels good.

(Chuckles)

- You're pink, but I don't think you'll peel.

Is that enough?

- How about right here.

- [Warren] Arthur?

Arthur, come and help me out.

- Arthur's busy.

- Well then you come please.

- What do you mean, then you come please?

What are you an exhibitionist?

- You're such a prude Arthur, I mean my god

it's all in the family.

- The hell it is.

- Hand me a towel, huh?

(Groans out)

Arthur you're an angel.

Arthur!

- I told you not to call me an angel.

(Sighs)

(Whimsical string music)

- Arthur, give me my shorts, will you?

What time is it?

- I dunno.

- Junie moon?

What time is it?

- 6:17 exactly.

- Oh, guiles will be here any minute.

- Guiles?

- That beautiful beach boy.

- Wasn't guiles your father's name?

- Yes, isn't that a coincidence?

Oh the shirt s'il vous plait.

(Door buzzes)

Oh, he's here, junie moon please.

- My god, you'd think you were going on a date.

- Never can tell.

- Good evening Mrs. Cunningham, how was the fishing?

- Oh fine, come in.

- Soda or water?

- [Junie] Uh, neither.

- Do you have any plans for the evening?

- No.

- Good do you like to gamble?

- Gambling makes me nervous,

(chuckles)

Even slot machines.

What about you?

- Not while I'm working, thanks.

- Well sit down.

- Do you like to dance?

- I used to.

- Then we've got it made.

There's a place called super Harry's,

they've got good rock, lights, the works.

- No I'm afraid I'm tired.

- Well we could take a restful moonlight sail.

I can get hold of a 60 foot catch all ready to go

with fabulous staterooms incase, you know,

we wanted to stay out over night.

- Who'd wanna sleep in a stupid boat

when we have this nice place?

- Is there something else you'd like to do Mrs. Cunningham?

- No thanks, but maybe you could take the two men out.

- Not without you.

- Go ahead, you don't have to sit with the old lady.

- I happen to have a thing for old ladies.

- [Warren] Here I am, are we ready?

- I can't seem to interest your sister

in any of our local diversions,

so I guess it's you and me sport.

- Well we'll try to struggle along without them,

and don't wait up for us.

- How come Warren always finds

such good looking people?

- I don't know.

He loves the excitement and the seducing,

of being seduced, and all of those beginning things.

-So do I.

(Upbeat rock music)

- Lila!

- Ah, darling, what have you there, your laundry?

- Mind you?

- Not bad, bring him back later darling.

(Chuckles)

(Upbeat rock music)

Fl yea first thing in the morning

r I grab my fishing pole

fl I'm going on down the creek child

fl down to fishing hole fl

- who was that octopus?

- Lila?

Rich lady trying not to fall asleep.

- But you're too good for that sort of thing guiles.

- Don't worry, I'm only marking time.

See that guy?

He's gonna sell me something for practically nothing,

only he doesn't know it yet.

(Window knocks)

He's got this old pier see with a dance hall on it,

now with a little cash, I'll put in a bar,

and maybe you'd like to invest.

- Oh my, I wish I could, see my money's all in trust.

I'll speak to my sister.

- No.

- No, I don't wanna get your hopes up.

She's too stingy.

- Yo man, how goes?

- New arrivals at the blue marlin?

- Yea from Detroit man with her sister.

Got time tomorrow to take her sister sailing?

- You got a corner on Detroit?

That's three this week man.

(Chuckles)

Be right back.

- Blowing this town before he's through.

Say if he's too busy to show you a good time,

give me a call at the blue marlin, dig?

But don't tell him.

I've got some contacts see, that he don't have.

- Like what?

- Like certain clubs, nice white stuff,

whatever you like?

- What do you think I like joebee?

Your pretty curls?

(Chuckles)

- Well I'm not bad, I mean,

I ain't had any complaints, you know?

- Well stick around, you may get some.

- Oh come on.

Or maybe you like black ass better huh?

- I may look helpless to you, but I'm very capable

of breaking your neck with my hands.

The first thing I want you to do

is reach in your pocket and get me that dollar

you borrowed this morning.

Now get lost.

(Upbeat rock music)

Imagine talking that way behind guiles's back.

- Do you know?

Nobody could tell there's anything wrong

just seeing you sitting there.

- You mean I could pass?

(Chuckles)

- What do you say we cut out?

I think you need a little diversification as they say, ok?

- You're the dealer.

(Upbeat rock music)

(Sweet smooth music)

- Would you like some super?

We could call room service.

- Sure, or you know there's still some left

in the lunch basket.

- All right.

(Sweet smooth music)

- I have been thinking all day,

and I'm gonna tell you now,

even though you might not wanna hear it,

I love you.

What do you think of that?

- In the past when somebody said they loved me,

I almost felt obligated to love them back.

- You don't have to feel obligated,

but it'd be nice if you did.

- Listen Arthur, something happened to me

and I don't think I could ever love a man again.

- What happened?

- Never mind.

- Just say you love me, I mean,

if you say it a few times and get used to the idea,

well who knows?

Tell me that you love me and see what happens.

I love you very much, more than any woman,

or dog, or parents, or anything.

- Arthur please!

- I don't care what happened in the past,

for Christ sake listen to me, I love you.

- I will not listen to you, I will not (sobs)...

So you can just shut up with your damn love,

I will not!

(Gasps struggling)

(Upbeat jazz music)

(Upbeat piano music)

- There you are solana.

- Let us have wine and women,

myrrh and laughter.

- Sermons and soda water the day after.

- Oh my god a literate man!

- A swell girl but queer for Shakespeare.

- Byron sweetie, not Shakespeare.

- The stock market again, you promised solana.

- Oh I know, he says people who play the market

are fools and dreamers.

But don't you think a three year loser's due for a gain?

- Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.

- Little we see in nature that is ours.

- Words worth!

- How are you?

(Chuckles erupt)

- Solana, Warren.

- Hi.

- Billy, three rum socks, doubles.

Are you hear alone?

- I was with Jay William,

but Jay William decided I was a bloody bore

and went off with miss Jane Johnson

to play in the sand.

Men are not aware of my hidden passion.

(Chuckles erupt)

Nora's looking at you.

(Sighs)

The big Fawn eyes.

She pines and drools for him, but do you think

that noble head of her turns away?

Nora?

Come here girl, we need a fourth for...

For what?

(Laughter erupts)

(Playful piano music)

(Strange rock music)

(Gasps out painfully)

(Strange rock music)

(Inaudible crowd chatter) (Upbeat jazzy music)

- Good evening Mr. Von austed.

- Good evening Mrs. Cunningham.

- Would you like to sit over here

with the bad tempered woman?

You know what I'd like?

A big,

huge,

pink,

cotton candy.

(Giggles)

(Festive carnival-like music)

(Engine revs)

(Inaudible chatter) (Festive carnival-like music)

Wasn't that Warren?

- Where, I didn't see.

- In beach boy's Jeep?

- Arthur, I think he was with a girl.

- Then it wasn't Warren.

(Laughs)

- Arthur, let's go back to the hotel.

- Do you feel ok?

- I feel great.

I want you to seduce me.

- Do what?

- Don't shout it all over the street.

(Engine revs)

(Sweet beach music) (Waves crash)

- Oh.

(Chuckles)

Oh it's lovely.

Hey, where you going?

- Off to look at the stars sport.

- Well why couldn't you look at the stars from here?

- Because there are some stars

that can be seen only from certain vantage points.

- Guiles come back here, you know I'm helpless.

- Helpless?

Such a negative word love.

- Guiles please, come on now, please.

- On with the dance.

Let joy be unconfined.

No sleep 'til morning,

youth and pleasure meet.

- To chase the glowing hours with flying feet.

(Upbeat string music)

- When we were in our house,

I used to dream I was an Indian prince

with elephants and rubies, and 50 dancing girls,

and you waiting for me in the garden.

- Didn't I object to the dancing girls?

- Well, so long as I was dreaming,

I went ahead and did the whole works.

And sometimes I'd dream just about you.

You see, I'd get up and come into your room

while you were asleep.

- Sneak in the dark.

(Giggles)

- And when you woke up, there I would be,

and we'd make love forever.

Then Warren'd talk in his sleep,

and spoil it all.

Would you care to dance?

- Why not?

(Waves crash distantly)

(Giggles erupt)

- Well I'll try not to step on your toes.

- I doubt that I would notice.

- You don't need to hide anymore.

- Not from you, from myself still.

(Sweet romantic music)

Please, let me call the doctor.

- No, take me home.

(Gasps in struggle)

- Warren isn't back yet, let's go without him.

- No, I'll be all right until he comes.

Read me the funny papers.

- [Warren] Hey is anybody home?

Let's get some breakfast.

Hey?

(Chuckles)

- Arthur is sick, we've gotta go home.

- We can't, this place is the greatest.

- Then we'll go without you.

- What?

- Warren, he's very sick, he's had two attacks

and he hasn't told us.

- Ok.

I guess we've done everything there is

to do here anyway.

- I'm sorry Mrs. Cunningham, is there anything I can do?

- If you could help me with Arthur,

everything is packed Warren.

- This is the Cunningham suite, would you please

send our vehicle to front and tell them

to prepare our bill immediately,

we're leaving immediately.

Yes.

I'll get a bellhop.

- There's no time.

- May I have a pen please?

- Certainly sir.

- There you are, and thank you.

- Oh sir, would you have a credit card?

American express or dinner's club or...

- Of course not, those ridiculous things,

do you mean to say that my signature isn't acceptable?

- Let me call the manager Mr. Palmer,

I'm sure that he'll be glad to take care of this...

- That's not needed.

- Well how do I know?

- Because I say so, that's how you know.

(Whistles)

- Thanks, I'll send a check as soon as we get home.

- That's ok.

(Engine sputters)

- Hey what are you doing?

- Us blacks gotta stick together.

- Guiles, I...

I don't know...

- Bye guiles.

- Goodbye Mrs. Cunningham.

(Engine rumbles)

- $3.00.

Thank you very much.

- Are you awake?

- Yea.

- Arthur, would you believe I spent the night

on the beach with a very sexy girl named solana?

- Yes.

- We didn't just pass the time of night Arthur.

Why don't you believe me?

-I do.

- You're such a prude Arthur.

- I suppose so.

- For you and Arthur.

- Warren made love all night long.

- That's fine.

- To a woman named solana.

- People can't help what their names are.

(Upbeat pop rock music)

- Put me under the tree.

- Not on your life.

- Please?

- Go inside.

- I'm afraid.

- If you're afraid, go inside and make some brownies.

- I'm not making brownies anymore, ever.

- Then make some coffee.

(Gasps in struggle)

- Hold me, I'm drowning.

- I've got you.

I've got you, you're ok.

You're ok, I've got you, I'm right here.

I'm right here.

(Groans in struggle)

Arthur?

(Groans in struggle)

- Thank you.

I feel better.

(Sighs)

When does come up now?

Did you feed the dog?

- Pork and beans.

- You're decent.

(Owl squawks)

He did bring us luck.

- Old hootie owl did that all right.

(Owl squawks)

- Junie moon.

Tell me.

Tell me.

- I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you!

Did you hear me?

(Sobs)

Oh no!

(Screams out)

No!

(Sobs out)

Arthur?

(Sobs sadly)

- Amen.

(Sobs)

- Don't cry.

You made him happy for the first time in his life.

- How would you know?

- Because he was my friend too.

- Come on.

Come on!

(Dog whines)

(Groans)

I know you're type,

but you're gonna like me, a lot,

if it takes a lifetime,

and don't you forget it.

(Engine rumbles)

(Quaint acoustic music)

R no storm or fire

fl can ever beat us down

r no wind that blows

fl but carries us further on

fl and you who fear

fl oh lovers gather round

fl and we can rise

e and sing it one more time b

(whistles quaintly)