Original subtitles

[roars]

[lively piano music]

[car honks]

[music fades]

[lawyer] When I present all the evidence,

it will be obvious to the court

that this is no ordinary divorce case, Your Honor.

I'd like to call your attention to Exhibit A.

This is Mr. Sean Stein's first successful novel,

published this summer.

It is our contention that, not only did Mrs. Stein love,

honor and obey her husband

in the early years of her marriage

when he was a shoe salesman

attempting to be a writer,

she helped him create the characters in his book.

[Jay] Objection, Your Honor! This is nonsense!

[stutters] Objection overruled.

That's by job, Mr. Stein.

You're going to let her take credit for your creations?

She did make the copy.

Damn it, she's gonna ream you

in this divorce if you don't fight back!

What are you guilty about?

Nothing! I'm not guilty about nothing!

Alright! So I'm slightly guilty. Money isn't everything!

Let's settle it and get out of here!

It is the judgement of this court

that Mrs. Stein is entitled to one half

of all Mr. Stein's current assets.

[judge] One half of all profits from his current novel,

[judge] 1400 dollars per month alimony payments

[judge] for 36 months,

[judge] and 20% of all profits from any books, motion pictures,

[judge] television programs, theatrical presentations...

[lawyer] And during their years together,

Mr. Stein produced two successful books,

one of which was optioned as a movie for television.

Murder for Rent.

Of course, all of this work

was done in the atmosphere provided by my client,

and although they had no marriage contract,

they lived together full time

and they had an unspoken contract,

an understanding. Isn't that true?

[stutters] Well, yes, I guess we did have an understanding.

- [mutters] What? - But I didn't understand it.

Your Honor, we demand a 50-50 division of profits

[lawyer] from these two books.

I'm already giving my ex-wife 20% of all my books!

[judge McIntyre] Order! Order!

I have to study this and carry it over to...

[sighs] October 9th, no...

Oh, hell! Motion granted.

[secretary] Your honor!

Is this justice?

You're asking the wrong guy!

[lively piano music]

[Sean]I've never been with a lady of the evening before.

Or even part of an evening.

Not that there's anything wrong with it,

Please excuse the way the place looks.

I've been holed up here for months,

- finishing a novel. - Finishing a what?

Never mind.

I've had kind of a bad history with women lately.

I guess you get a lot of that.

Take off your clothes and wash up.

This is probably

the last honest form of sexual conduct left

between men and women.

[Sean] At least we give the money up front.

Ma'am.

Would it be a terrible bother if we didn't do this?

[stutters] I mean, I'd still pay you.

[tires screech]

[Sean] Hey!

[lively piano music continues]

[phone rings]

[Marty] Honey!

Honey! The phone!

I've got it, I've got it!

Yeah, hello.

Yeah, this is Marty Caesar.

[indistinct chatter]

Yeah, I'm Cal Corps' attorney.

[sighs]

[Marty] Long distance from Tamali?

[woman] Will you accept the charges?

- [Marty] Yeah, put him through. - [groans]

[Marty] Hello, Marco?

[indistinct chatter]

- [Marty] What? - [indistinct chatter]

[Marty] Oh, no!

Oh, no! For Chri... Not again!

The whole damn chemical plant blew up?

[indistinct chatter over phone]

Do you know what caused the explosion?

Marco, can't you find the foreman?

- Only his foot? - [indistinct chatter]

Wait, hold it. It's late at night over there.

The plant wasn't operating,

so most of the workers were in the village, right?

[indistinct chatter over phone]

How much of the village was destroyed?

[indistinct chatter]

Marco, I can hardly hear you!

[Marty] Wait a minute! What's all that noise?

[screams over phone]

[Marty] The people screaming?

[stutters] It's the...

Alright! Alright! Speak English!

Stop... hold it, wait, Marco,

Marco! Did you keep safety records?

[Marty] Oh, were they destroyed?

- No, too bad. - Yeah?

A towel?

- Here, take mine. - Thank you, honey.

[indistinct chatter]

Alright, no problem. I'll handle it.

[Marty] Just let me write down some of these figures.

Yeah?

You know what, Marco?

The first thing you do is deny

that Cal Corps Chemical even owns the place.

Well, you take the sign down.

[indistinct chatter over phone]

Now?

I've gotta shave!

- Oh, shave! Thank God! - Yeah, I'm here.

[indistinct chatter over phone]

What's this "Wa Su, Wa Su" you keep talking about?

Oh! Lawsuit!

No, no, no! You forget that word, Marco.

Just forget it.

[lively piano music]

[buzz]

[indistinct chatter]

[buzz]

[artist] Who stuck their brush in my coffee?

[chatter continues]

Penny for your thoughts.

Five bucks if they're dirty.

I was just daydreaming.

Was it where you don't have to do this crap?

You own your own studio, paint whatever you want,

and people buy it for money?

That's the one.

I was having the same dream.

Me, too.

[artists] Me, too.

Butt out!

Daisy! Daisy!

Yeah.

[Latin accent] I get another Bayou Daydream

back from the Fresno Hilton.

- Yeah? - Daisy,

the Fresno Hilton has 600 nice blue rooms

with 600 nice gold sofas.

They want 600 nice blue and gold picture to go with it.

[Chobanian] But you! You paint in a woman drowning!

I thought it would be more interesting.

- If you look at the... - Daisy, Daisy, Daisy!

The Fresno Hilton does not want "interesting"!

They want matching!

Matching!

Fix it, darling.

[buzz]

[Daisy] You know, Ronnie. This dream I had

had a husband and a baby in it.

This nightmare I'm living

has a husband and three babies in it.

Don't give me that! You love being pregnant.

I must. I keep being this way.

I haven't seen my feet since high school graduation.

Wanna see the latest mug shots?

- More? - Yeah, they're great.

- You're gonna like these. - Okay.

Wait till you see this.

- Huh? - Oh, God, Ronnie!

Oh! God! They're gonna hate you when they're older!

They hate me now!

[laughing] Oh, God! Look at that!

So, who was the husband in this dream?

Marty, of course.

- There goes your lie detector. - Don't start, alright!

Don't start!

Daisy!

[Ronnie] You're the worst judge of men

since Judas!

- [Daisy] What? - [Ronnie] Yeah.

Oh, Ronnie, one failed marriage!

It's not such a bad track record.

One failed marriage and many failed relationships.

- Three clarinet players. - [sighs]

And how about the fact

that you lived with a guy for two years

and didn't know he was a junkie!

- I thought he was a chemist. - You break up

and jump at the first guy that comes along.

[sighs] Marty is not the first guy

to come along,

he's just the first one with a car!

I have never, ever in my life jumped.

[stutters] I'll admit to you

a tiny hop was involved in it...

[sighs] I hate when you do this!

I really do. You're really upsetting me!

Know what? If I'm not married again

by the time I'm 41,

there's a 27% chance I'll end up a lonely alcoholic.

I would never let that happen to you.

I'll drink with you.

[Ronnie] Light, this needs more sunlight.

[sighs]

[piano music]

[sighs] Okay.

I want a baby.

- Oh, yeah. - [sighs]

I mean, my biological clock is ticking so loud

it keeps me awake at night.

[Ronnie] Yeah. Well, I guess I'd put up

with a lot of shit for a guy with that much money, too.

Well, now, that is a terrible thing to say,

and I deeply resent it.

Hey, look! I was just kidding, okay?

- I mean I... Hey, don't be mad. - Oh, fine!

Who says I'm mad?

You just put an Alpine Village in the middle of the ocean.

Shit!

[lively piano music]

[indistinct chatter]

[dog barks]

[growls]

[barking]

[typing]

[phone rings]

[receptionist] Good morning, Mr. Stein.

Shit! This is the craziest thing I ever heard of.

Selling everything and moving to Kuwait?

Why the hell Kuwait?

Because women can't vote there,

and they flog them.

What's wrong, Seanstein?

This should be a happy time of your life.

You're healthy.

You finished your book.

Your publisher loves it!

It's coming out in a month.

You got lots of money...

So does every woman who ever slept with me.

Do you have to stop living?

Can't you just stop being a hopeless romantic?

No, I guess not. [chuckles]

- You want some espresso? - [Sean] Yes.

I'm still giving my ex-wife 20%.

And I still owe Heddy a small fortune.

How much have I given her so far?

Close to two hundred thousand.

We got a final payment to make

at the end of this month.

Seventy-five thousand dollars.

[stutters] And you know, she makes a lot of money

as a hostess on that game show.

Have you seen it, Jay? It's the perfect job for her.

Standing around with no clothes on,

pointing to valuable objects.

I have to get away.

[stutters] When I look down there,

[Sean] I don't see men and women.

I see animals sniffing at each other

to see how much they're worth.

At least come out with me tonight.

No.

C'mon! A couple of drinks with your old pal

before you leave town.

Alright,

but I'm not going to interact with anybody.

[piano music]

[sighs]

[phone rings]

- Yeah? - [Marty] Hi, Daisy.

It's me. Oh, what a day!

[sighs] You know that guy Marco

I was talking to in Tamalia this morning?

He was kidnapped by the natives.

- Oh my God! - [Marty] Yeah.

They're holding him hostage

till Cal Corp makes a settlement.

I'm flying there tomorrow to negotiate his release.

Oh, Marty, be careful.

Hey, honey. There's this big party tonight.

You wanna go? Lots of biggies.

Great food, great music,

[Marty] great you, great me, it'll be great.

I can't.

Oh, why? Please.

I don't wanna go to this piece of shit alone!

I can't. I have to work.

You worked hard all day!

You deserve some fun.

I promised myself

I was going to do some of my own painting tonight.

[Marty] Painting?

Yes, Marty, I paint.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know you... I know.

You don't have to get so pissy with me.

Well, Marty, I feel that I...

I really have to do some work.

[Daisy] I have to dig down

deep into my inner self...

Honey, listen, I got a meeting, alright?

[Daisy] A meeting? Okay.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

Hi, Marty?

What should I wear?

[car honks]

[chattering]

Who's giving this party, anyway?

It's a fund raiser for the Aero Space Museum.

C'mon, you're gonna love it.

[car honks]

[chatter and laughter]

[lively music]

[loud laughter]

Yes, I did, yes, I did.

The most important thing is a women's class.

[Marty] And when I saw you...

Now I draw.

[indistinct chatter]

[gunshots]

All right, everybody, shut up and freeze!

[screams and gunshots]

Move it! Move it! Move it!

Move it!

[thug] C'mon, cooperate and you won't get hurt!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

[indistinct chatter]

C'mon, move it!

I just wish I was in better shape.

Get out of here!

[thug 1] Move it!

- [thug 1] Give me your clothes! - [thug 2] Let's go!

[yells]

[thug 2] C'mon, lady, take off your clothes!

C'mon, lady, take them off!

[indistinct yelling]

[woman] Don't push me!

[thug 2] Let's go! Move it!

[thug 1] C'mon!

[indistinct chatter]

[yelling]

[thug 1] Move!

C'mon! Move it!

Get him over here, move it!

[thug 2] Move it!

Don't tie me to a woman.

Ah! Tie me to this gentleman over here.

[thug 1] C'mon, move, move, move!

[Sean] I tried, I tried!

This isn't exactly a thrill for me, either.

Hey, shut up, you two.

No. Any man would be attracted to you.

Those big brown eyes,

[sniffs] the way your hair smells.

But I just haven't been out in a while.

I said shut up!

- Ah! - Oh!

[distant shouting]

[groans]

[Sean] Oh, my God.

[heavy breathing] Don't say anything.

I don't know where they are.

They might come in here and hit you again. [sobs]

[blows]

- What's that? - What?

[blows] That.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

[sighs] It's a bandage.

Weren't you wearing that before?

Sort of.

How did it get up there?

A man put it up there.

You were bleeding.

This was your only piece of clothing.

You cherished it

and you gave it up for me.

Well,

[stutters] it wasn't any big deal.

[sighs]

Uh,

we're liable to be here for quite a while,

-So, -Uh...

Don't you think we ought to introduce ourselves?

Oh, yeah.

[Sean] My name is Sean Stein. How do you do?

Oh! I don't think shaking hands is absolutely necessary.

- Oh! - [groans]

[Daisy] Oh, my God.

Angela Smith.

[whispers] Shi...

What's the matter with your eyes.

Nothing!

Alright,

so I have essential blepharospasm,

no big deal, a lot of people have it.

Do they? What is it?

[stammers] It's silly.

It's this condition, whenever I tell a lie

my eyelids spasm. That's all.

When you tell a lie, it's written on your face?

How wonderful!

No, it's not. It's a big drag.

But, [sighs]

it doesn't happen all the time.

I can control it if I want to.

- [laughs] - Sometimes.

[giggles] What are you doing?

- Falling. - Falling?

- Falling. - Oh, don't be falling.

Oh!

[groans]

Oh, God, this is awful!

[cries] Oh, God!

- Is there anything I can do? - Keep your eyes closed!

All right! All right!

Lie still!

I'm trying.

Quit moving.

[Sean] I have to breathe.

That's not what you breathe through.

Maybe if I open my eyes.

No, that makes it harder

- [groans] - [stutters] More difficult.

[cries] I'm gonna die!

I'm gonna die! I hope I die! I hope I die!

[sirens]

[woman] Stop it!

They gave me somebody else's underwear!

[Jay] Here you go, ma'am.

Jay Bass, Attorney at Law,

you have a right to sue your host.

[Jay] Jay Bass. Here you go, here's a card.

Take a card.

Okay.

[Marty] Sure you okay, Daisy?

[Daisy] I'm fine, how are you?

Let's just go to my place.

C'mon!

[Daisy] I'd just like to go to my place and relax.

[Marty] No, believe me,

you'll have more fun at my place.

Oh, no.

You've got that "I'm about to make a fool of myself

and wind up in court" look on your face.

She's different, Jay. She's wonderful, giving woman

who finds it almost impossible to lie.

Maybe she's different, but you're not.

Let's get out of here.

You're right.

Thank God I don't know her name or where she lives.

[Daisy] My place, please.

[driver] Right, Miss Morgan. That's 201 Pinehurst.

[Daisy] Yes.

[car starts]

I didn't mean to seem snippy.

I'm just all shook up.

Oh, sure. I don't blame you.

I had 700 dollars in my purse.

[sobs] My entire month's rent

and it was dumb to put it in there,

but I was afraid to leave it home,

-and they took my purse, -Honey,

it had this cute wallet and everything...

Let me give it to you.

- No, Marty... No. - Yes.

You wouldn't have come

if I hadn't begged.

- That's true. - Right?

- Please. - No. Marty, no.

- We'll call it a loan. - No.

Every dime.

I'm gonna pay you back every single dime of this money.

[Marty] Don't worry.

- Marty, I'm sorry. - Oh.

[sobs] I just...

I just, sometimes...

I just worry about the future.

The future. Oh, yes.

You mean like having to go up into space?

No, Marty, our future.

[sniffs] Sometimes

I feel I'd like a little more commitment.

I'm sorry!

- Oh, Daisy. - I'm sorry.

How much more commitment do you want?

I lease you a car,

I pay for your vacations, insurance, dental bills...

That's not what I mean.

It's not what I me... You know what?

I don't want you to do that anymore.

I want you to take the car back.

You can cancel the insurance!

I'll pay you back for the vacations!

I'd like to keep my dental work,

but I want you to take everything else back.

[engine rattles]

[electric guitar music]

[barks]

[soft music]

[electric guitar music]

Hello.

Hello.

Remember me?

Every bit.

Every bitterly frightening moment, yes, I do.

[sighs] Why, I...

[stammers] I found out your address

and I tracked you here.

Sick, isn't it?

But I can explain.

Please.

I'm enormously attracted to you.

Yes, I saw him.

You look like a lovely couple,

so, naturally,

you wouldn't want to go out with me.

Is that a question?

I don't think it had the courage of a question.

Um, look, thanks,

[Daisy] I have a lot to do.

[Sean] I guess you think I'm weird.

[Daisy] This is L.A.

At least I'd like to introduce myself.

I mean, we shared so much last night.

Look, I don't want to talk about last night.

It was really embarrassing.

You know, you blush great.

- My name is... - Sean Stein,

but your friends call you Seanstein.

You remembered.

[Daisy] Well, it is kind of unusual.

Yes, my mother was an Irish Catholic

and my father was an English Jew.

I have both guilts. [laughs]

Daisy Morgan.

You know, we wouldn't have to go out

like on a date.

We could just arrange a time when I could just pick you up,

and then we could just go out to dinner.

How is that not like a date?

I don't know,

but we have the whole night to figure it out.

[metallic thud]

Okay.

You mean you'll go out with me?

[Daisy] Yes.

Oh my God.

What's the matter?

[stammers] It's nothing, it's just that...

Daisy,

there's something you've got to know.

Yes.

- I'm broke. - What?

I don't have any money, not a nickel.

I drive a junk car,

I don't have any furniture, I'm selling my apartment.

If you don't believe me,

- I'll show you, it's all true. - No, no, I believe you.

Well?

Well, I've got 60 bucks in the house.

- It's all I've got... - No, no, no, no!

I don't want your money.

Why are you telling me this?

Well, it's just that last night after the party

I saw you and a fella in a limo.

You see that?

That's my car.

- The green one? - Yeah.

[chuckles] What has that got to do with anything?

Well, I just meant that if you have a rich boyfriend,

then maybe you don't want to waste your time

with someone who's broke.

[laughs]

You shouldn't feel bad about a thing like that.

Really, that sort of stuff means nothing to me whatsoever.

[metallic thud]

See you at eight.

[Sean] 'ª Got a date with an angel 'ª

'ª Got a date with an angel 'ª

[humming]

[running water]

Hello, Daisy,

don't you look wonderful?

Hello, Daisy,

don't you look wonderful?

Hello, Daisy,

don't you look wonderful? [chuckles]

[grunts]

Ouch!

Ouch!

[sighs]

[knocking]

Hello.

Hello.

We did have a date.

Oh, God, I thought it was for dinner.

[stammers] Yes, I was just wondering

if we could start our date now

because I don't have anything else to do

and I can't wait to get to know you better.

It's driving me crazy.

No, no, no, no, it's a stupid thing to ask...

It's all right with me, really.

Really?

Come on in.

[Sean] Wow!

What a fantastic place.

[Daisy] Sorry it's a mess.

Well, it doesn't look like a mess to me.

Just different piles of wonderful stuff.

What a nice way of putting it.

Is this your work?

It's fabulous.

Very distinctive.

Have I seen this somewhere before?

A gallery, a museum?

I think it was on a cocktail napkin.

Ah, yes, at the party, last night. Terrific.

Thanks.

Is there something missing here?

Well, I was thinking about putting

a couple of vicious, snarling dogs up here

in the corner.

- That would be nice. - [chuckles]

[Sean] Oh.

This one's missing his body

and... this one needs faces and heads.

Kind of having a hard time finishing things lately.

Oh,

I interrupted your work.

Look, I'm sorry.

I'll go and then I'll come back around dinner time

- as we planned. - Oh, no, it doesn't matter.

I don't feel like working anyway.

You're just being polite.

I said I don't feel like working.

Wanna sit?

It's...

it's hard to believe you can't make a living

with your own work.

Have you tried?

- What do you do, Sean? - I'm a writer.

A writer.

Oh, God, I love writers. [chuckles]

Have you written anything I've read?

No. I couldn't sell a thing so, I gave it up.

Oh, you shouldn't do that! I'm sure it's wonderful.

They said that my work was too erotic.

Oh.

I'm gonna go take a shower,

get dressed and we'll get something to eat.

Okay.

Do you want to listen to some music?

- Yeah, yeah. - I have a lot of stuff.

It's a fine collection.

Do you know how to work the stereo?

No, but explaining it won't help.

[chuckles]

[distant sirens]

So,

[stammers] do you think is a stupid idea

to make love before we go out and eat?

- Sean... - [stammers] No, it's okay.

I'm sorry.

[stammers] I'm so jittery, see,

I got awfully turned on

when I was tied up with you last night.

Our skins welded together,

every curve and definition...

[stammers] I remember how it felt.

I worry that I'm so jittery,

I won't be able to wait until I've...

Look,

I don't make love before the first date.

Alright. Okay.

I'll go and change,

and we'll go out to eat.

Okay.

[footsteps]

[opens and closes door]

[creaking]

[screams]

[Daisy] Sean? I'm sorry!

I should have warned you about my man-eating chair.

- Are you all right? - I'm fine.

Okay, hold on, I'll get you out. Hang on.

[Daisy] It's all the way down.

[heavy breathing]

Oh, God.

I always end up in embarrassing positions

with you.

I'm on a lucky streak.

So, I'll finish getting dressed and we'll go out. [chuckles]

[romantic music]

You're weird person, aren't you?

Pent up.

Pent up?

I haven't dated in a long time.

Oh.

- [Sean] Oh, my God. - What?

This was a big song in my life.

[Sean] This was the first song that I heard

that my heart could be broken.

Oh, God. Those are really killers.

Let me take it off for you.

Let it play. [sniffs]

It always makes me cry.

If it makes you cry, why do you want to hear it?

[sobs] I wanted to prove to you

that I was sensitive.

I haven't made love to a woman for two years.

[sobs]

Really?

This some kind of trick?

I don't think so.

[Sean sniffs]

It's too early to eat anyway.

[electronic music]

Let's live together.

Live together!

I'm not even sure we can see each other again.

What? After today?

How can you say that?

You don't mean it, do you?

- Sean, look, I... - Who is Marty, anyway?

I just feel this is all moving much too quickly, you know,

- Who was he, huh? - Don't.

- Who was he, huh? - Don't.

Oh, God, I feel terrible. Don't.

Oh...Do!

[romantic sax music]

[romantic music continues]

[inaudible]

[plane engine]

[romantic music fades]

[Sean and Daisy laugh]

[romantic music resumes]

[Daisy] No, no, remember our rule.

Not till you get on your feet.

[chirps]

I could go on like this forever, couldn't you?

[buzz]

[loud indistinct chatter]

[buzz]

- Bye. - Bye? Where are you going?

Hey, you owe the company another half hour back pay.

[Daisy] Have to meet my Dad for drinks.

He doesn't like it if I'm late.

[Ronnie] Oh. You know, it's nice that you go visit your father.

Yeah.

It would be even nicer

if I didn't have to borrow money.

- Wanna see something? - Sure.

Okay.

Then feast...

your eyes...

on these.

Bills.

Jesus.

- Doesn't that bother you? - Nah.

I'm living on love.

And hopefully a loan from my father.

I remember I used to say to Marty all the time:

"I pay for my own food, I pay for my own rent."

Then I realized that's all I paid for.

He did help me out a lot.

Have you talked to the teenage werewolf lately?

[Daisy] No. Must be awfully busy over there.

Frankly, I'm glad.

I don't know what I'm gonna say.

[Ronnie] Well, break it to him gently.

Tell him you finally realized he's a jerk

and then shacked up

with the first decent guy to come along.

You better shut up.

I'll tell the boss you've got talent.

What's up, twerp?

I've got a lesson in 14 minutes.

Well, I just haven't seen you in a while, Dad.

Right.

- How you been doing? - Great.

- Well... - [player] Good lesson, Ace.

Okay, okay. Okay.

- Actually, Dad... - Cheapskate.

Hey Tony! Try the graphite.

[Tony] Nah, nothing helps.

How's Marty? That character.

[Daisy] Fine, I guess.

Well, don't let that one get away.

Dad, why do you always talk about Marty

as if he were a fish?

Because he's a good catch.

Well, I threw him back.

You what?

Marty and I aren't together anymore.

Oh, shit!

[laughter and chatter]

How could you do a thing like that?

Is there any chance of you getting him back?

I don't want him back.

I'm already with somebody else.

Some who? What does he do?

You don't know him. He's a writer.

- What does he write? - Nothing.

- Perfect! - At the moment.

Coffee.

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy! What Marty is, is security!

Something you need. You're not getting any younger.

I know, Dad. I read my birthday cards.

A mouth. Something you always had.

Judgement in men, that's another story.

Oh, Daisy.

Please, find a good guy and settle down, baby.

It doesn't have to be Marty,

just someone in his bracket.

Otherwise, you're gonna be doomed!

Doomed?

Yes, doomed!

To a life of just scraping by.

Relationships that don't last. Low paying jobs you hate.

No, no, no, no, Dad.

After I finish some more of my own paintings,

-I can exhibit them -Oh, Daisy.

- And make lots of money. - You've been talking

about those doodles for years

and nothing ever came of that.

That's not true! It got me a scholarship into college,

- and prizes. I'm good, Dad. - College!

The pool boy went to college.

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

I don't think I like being criticized

when all I did was try to come by

and say hi to my Dad...

Uh,

and,

borrow 600 dollars.

- Yup. - I'm in this trouble.

I promise you, Dad,

right here and now, I'm gonna be more...

you know, more whatever it is you want me to be more of.

I'm gonna be a lot more.

Daisy, when you were a kid,

I couldn't give you everything you wanted.

Oh. [blows]

But I didn't feel too badly

because I knew, deep in my heart,

when you got older, you'd get it yourself.

Or find some guy to give it to you.

That's sweet, Dad.

Go back to Marty.

I'm in love with somebody else.

You're worse than your mother.

What was the matter with her?

She married a tennis bum.

Hey, Tom! Be right there!

[rattle]

[door opens]

Daisy, you're late.

I was worried about you.

I made you some dinner.

[Sean] This may be a little bit overdone,

but we'll put some gravy on it.

- [Daisy] What is it? - [Sean] Rabbit.

- You cooked a rabbit? - [Sean] Yes.

[laughs] Does it matter?

You look like you need cheering up.

I'll take you out to eat.

Sean, I can't take anymore pizza or tacos.

[Sean] No, no, no, no,

I mean a gourmet meal in a fine restaurant.

Caviar, champagne.

You can't afford it.

Well, I mean, I'll borrow money from you.

I have an income tax refund in a few days.

How can you have an income tax refund

when you've never made anything?

Ah, yes, it's complicated. [chuckles]

Oh, honey.

Thank you.

This is very, very sweet,

but I'm not hungry.

Why don't we just stay home.

Whatever you say, dear.

Let's watch television. That's cheap.

[chatter on tv]

I've got a better idea.

Why don't you finish your painting?

No! Sean Stein! Oh!

C'mon, Daisy.

I'll sit at your feet

and watch in slavish devotion.

[Daisy muffled] Oh, God!

Oh, I hate it when you do that!

Always bugging me to do my paintings,

do my paintings.

I will paint when I want to paint.

I'm sorry, Daisy, it's just that you're so good,

I'd like to see you finish something.

[laughs]

Finish something!

At least I start them.

You are afraid to write word one.

I'm not afraid. I quit.

Well, then show me something, just something you've written.

Well, you know, it's all packed over at my friend's place.

Oh, honey, honey!

If you're afraid that I'll think you're no good...

I am not afraid, and I am good!

I am.

You don't believe me, do you?

- [chuckles] I am. - Well, then prove it.

- Show me something. - All right, I will.

- Good, do. - I will.

[car engine]

[techno music]

[tires screech]

[Sean] This one only sold two hundred thousand copies.

It should be good enough for her.

[music on tv]

[door opens]

[footsteps]

[Sean] Read this, go ahead.

Okay. I will.

- Okay. - Okay.

[chatter on tv]

[heavy breathing] Afraid.

Ridiculous!

[Sean] What's the matter? Don't you like it?

You don't like it, do you?

How come I don't hear you laugh or gasp or anything?

[Daisy] Please, Seanstein, just let me finish.

Go away!

[footsteps]

It's not my best piece of work.

I wrote it in a hurry.

It's shit.

Well?

I don't know...

what to say.

Whenever you talked about your work before,

I always pictured something esoteric,

kind of offbeat, but this...

this is good story telling. Very human.

Thank you.

- Of course, it has problems. - Problems?

[chuckles] It isn't ready to send to the publishers yet,

but it could be.

- Now, I made some notes. - Notes?

[laughing] Notes? Not ready to send to the publisher?

That book sold over 200 thousand copies!

- What are you talking about? - I mean,

it would have sold 200 000 copies

[stammers] if someone had published it!

[chuckles] Darling! Darling!

Let's not get defensive, all right?

Now, we just need to go back to work on it.

We?

I can help you if you're not afraid.

[yells] I'm not afraid! Quit calling me that!

[scoffs] Okay! Don't jump down my throat.

Yeah, all right.

The character's name "Ryan Gold" it's a bit obvious.

Daisy,

I am not changing one word of that manuscript!

What?

[exhales] You don't want to develop your potential?

- No. - No? No?

You don't want to better yourself?

- No, I don't. - You don't?

Oh, God, that's sad.

That's very, very sad.

It's sad for you, and it's sad for me!

- Daisy! - No, no, no Daisy!

I'm telling you this is sad.

This is a sad, sad moment

and I for one am feeling it. [sighs]

[slams door]

[happy music]

[car horns]

- Hi, Jay. - Hi, Seanstein.

I got your message.

So, you're not leaving town. You're staying here.

I finally met a girl who loves me for myself.

- The one from the party? - That's her.

- What's her name? - Daisy Morgan.

Is that Daisy with a "y" or an "ie"?

Why do you want to know?

Well, it might as well be in your legal file.

[Sean] Jay, this one is different.

Come here. Come on, I want to show you something.

Ah, what's all this for?

This is to celebrate finally finding a woman

who wants only what is good for me

and is completely unselfish.

- You're living with your mom. - No, Jay.

How do you know this woman is all these things?

[Sean] Because I told her I was broke and unsuccessful,

and she fell in love with me anyway.

Now you've got this perfect relationship

- based on a total lie. - Exactly.

I like it. You could be a lawyer.

But now I grow tired of this charade.

I am telling her the truth today.

In fact, I'm going over to her place,

bringing her back here, and show her the truth.

Ta da!

You look so sane in that picture.

[crying]

Hello?

[crying]

Hello?

[Daisy] Marty!

Daisy!

Marty, what happened?

[crying] I was taken hostage!

Oh, my God! By who?

The Tamalians.

The same ones who grabbed the Cal Corp plant manager.

Oh, Marty.

Oh, my poor baby.

It was incredible!

- It was? - Yes.

They wanted to show me their way of life.

What it was before Cal Corp Chemical

- ruined it! - Yeah?

For 11 days I was forced to eat their food,

live in their huts, sleep with their men!

Thank God they were Pygmies. [cries]

Those bastards!

- No! No, Daisy. - No! No?

- No, they did the right thing. - Oh.

I've come to understand them and their terrible loss!

I decided I can't represent Cal Corp against the natives.

- No? - No!

I'm representing the tribe, now.

I'm going to get those little bastards

the biggest settlement in history! [laughs]

Oh, Marty, that's really great.

- Isn't it? - Yes.

I feel so much better representing them

than I ever felt representing Cal Corp.

- And you! - Yes.

You were right about me, Daisy.

- Yeah? - I was losing my humanity.

You were always right about me. That's why I adore you!

I'm ready to be committed now.

I want to take care of you better than before.

The Tamalians really opened my eyes.

- How? - With little sticks

that held the lids up for three days.

[Daisy demurs]

And after that

you really begin to see things clearly!

[makes bird noises]

What is it, Marty? What is it?

That's Daisy! In Tamalian!

[laughs] Oh...

Marry me, Daisy.

- Marty... - You have to say yes!

- I do? - You do! Oh, Daisy!

- [coughs] - [Marty] Oh, that's rhino dung.

Part of my Tamalian manhood initiation.

I'll go take a shower.

Pack your bags, baby, you're moving out!

[humming]

Sean.

Hi, Daisy.

Have I got a surprise for you!

What a coincidence.

[Marty] When I'm cleaned up

I'm going to show you how the Tamalians make love!

- [Marty makes noises] - Who's that?

- Who? - That!

That's Marty, my old boyfriend.

I'm going back with him, Sean.

- I don't believe it. Let me in. - No, believe it.

Please, please believe it.

Daisy, why are you acting this way?

If it's because you think I'm broke...

How dare you say that to me!

Well I'm sorry,

we were so happy together.

What other reason?

Well, we moved too fast, Sean,

is one thing.

Marty and I have a history.

- He needs me. - I need you!

[Marty] Honey, where's a towel?

Honey, where's a towel?

Well, he...

[stammers] I have to go.

I... have to go.

[Jay] Sean?

Sean?

Sean?

Oh, buddy! Oh, buddy! [steps on glass]

What're you doing to yourself?

She left me.

[Sean] Didn't you know she left me?

Yeah, don't you remember talking on the phone

to your best friend, Jay?

- You're Jay? - Yeah, come on, buddy.

Snap out of it.

- You've got a lot to live for. - Yeah?

Yeah, you're an important guy.

Look, you've got your picture in the paper.

With a great review of your book.

Who cares?

Oh...

Hello?

Kuwait Airlines? [scoffs]

[sad piano music]

Okay,

this stuff goes to the residence of Martin Caesar, right?

- Yes. - Are you, uh, Mrs. Caesar?

Pretty soon.

Well, we're all set.

You got directions?

Well, it's kind of complicated. It's up in the hills.

Why don't you follow me?

- Sure. - I'll be right with you.

Goodbye, Seanstein.

[Daisy screams]

Sean Stein.

Successful novelist...

Number eight in a series...

What is this? Oh, what is this?

[sighs] Number eight in a series...

He has eight? [nervous laugh]

He was lying to me!

Oh! Oh, I can't believe...

You're a pig! You are a pig!

[stammers] I can't believe

you'd do something like this to me.

You are a pig! You are a miserable, miserable...

Hello?

Do you have the number for a Sean Stein?

S-T-E-I-N.

I don't know, just somewhere in Los Angeles...

Beverly Hills?

[rock music]

[speaking Spanish]

[tires squeal]

Shit!

This is what happens when we get paid by the hour.

And I paid for the zoo.

[tires squeal]

[tires squeal]

Look at this!

Look at this!

[scoffs]

Look at this! This guy's loaded!

Look at this door!

[Daisy] What a great door!

[doorbell]

Look at this!

- Daisy! - Ah! Look at this!

This is a beautiful house!

This is your house?

You lied to me!

You lied to me.

- I can explain. - [Daisy] Go ahead.

I lied to you.

Why?

Remember the story about my loser friend

who was sued by every woman he ever touched?

- Yeah. - Daisy, that loser is me.

I've been taken to the cleaners more times than this shirt!

I had to make sure that you loved me for myself.

How dare you put me in some paranoid lump

with all the other women you've known!

- I'm sorry. - You're sorry?

I've been sick, all week I've been sick!

I was thinking about moving in with Marty,

I packed all my things

but all I could think about was you

and that I should be with you and now this!

I could never trust you again!

- You mean that? - Yes! You lied to me!

- It'll be very hard for me... - No! No, no!

I mean about moving in with me?

[tires screech]

[Sean] That's your stuff!

- It's true! [laughs] - [nervous laughs] Well...

[stammers] I just...

[Daisy nervous laughs] Uh, yeah...

Daisy.

Did you make the decision to come back

before you read that article?

- What? That article? - Yes.

Well, what's the difference?

Well, you know,

that could have been the reason you came back,

knowing I had money.

- [stammers] I, You, Sean, I... - It's all right,

[stammers] I'm crazy. Just tell me.

All right,

the answer is yes.

You're lying! [laughs]

[Sean] I love you!

[lively piano music]

[Tony]...six, seven, eight...

Hello?

[Marty] In here, honey!

Marty?

- Yeah. - Push! Push! Twenty!

[Marty] Hey, doll!

Where have you been? Where's your stuff?

[Daisy] Marty, could I talk to you?

Sure. [heavy breathing]

It's kind of private.

Oh, you mean Tony? No, he's okay, honey.

He knows everything about me.

Marty,

- [Tony] Twenty-five. - I can't marry you.

What?

It's just not right.

Really? Oh, honey, I was thinking the same thing.

I mean, we were so happy the way we were,

and we've got so much time to get married

- [laughs] and have a bambino. - Many bambinos!

Honey, I agree.

-Marty, -Twenty-six,

I have to be honest with you. It's not like that.

- Twenty-seven... - You see, there's someone else.

Somebody else?

I don't know how it happened,

it was one of those magical things,

- [Marty] Somebody else? - I wanted to come

and say thank you.

You've been a real moment in my life,

- Honey, how could you... - Thank you.

Bye.

[Marty] But I changed my life for you!

I made a sewing room and everything!

[Marty] Come on, now, please!

- Daisy! - [Daisy] Get out of there!

I don't want you... Daisy! Daisy!

I'll kill myself!

I swear to God, I'll kill myself! Daisy!

Daisy!

[sighs] Nobody leaves Marty Caesar,

- Married? - Yup.

We fly to Tahoe today.

- No, Seanstein! - Yes!

She is the one to have children with.

Child support! That's a whole new category for you!

Why do you have to go so fast?

- Get to know her a little. - I do know her.

She is the perfect wife.

Yeah, but marriage! Haven't you learned anything?

It's gonna cost you!

Why don't you live with her a little bit.

Oh, like I did with Heddy? That cost me!

Yeah, phony lawyers, they ruin everything.

At least you ought to protect yourself a little.

Get a prenuptial agreement.

Oh, they are so unromantic.

[Jay] Both of you get these signed

and be sure to have it notarized.

Jay, a man can't negotiate love.

No,

but we gotta keep trying.

[bells]

[dreamy music]

Hi, Mrs. Stein.

Hi.

Don't let her rub your back!

Reciprocal affection!

Legally dangerous.

Get a prenup!

Leave me alone!

- This is going to cost you! - [muffled] I don't care.

Look, if we don't consummate, we can get this thing annulled!

Get out of here!

Don't let him bother you, darling.

You see, my client does nothing

but provide constant emotional support to him.

- [Sean] I love you. - Get that in writing.

- Don't ejaculate! - Don't moan.

We've got a better case if you don't enjoy this.

- Reconsider! - Make her sign!

- Don't sign anything! - Make her sign, make her sign.

Don't sign! Don't sign anything!

[indistinct voices]

[pants]

[humming wedding march]

- Daisy? - Yeah?

What do you think of prenuptial agreements?

Well,

I think they're kind of unromantic.

That's an old-fashioned attitude.

I'm an old-fashioned girl.

[Sean] Yeah.

What's that?

He's a mistrusting bastard.

I'm not going to be his friend anymore.

You want me to sign this?

Well...

No, Daisy.

Wait until we can get it notarized.

Daisy!

Excuse me, please.

[flight attendant] Is there a notary public on the plane?

If you are a notary public,

please report to the forward cabin.

They never leave you alone.

- [Sean] Daisy! - I'm just doing

what you want me to do.

I'm a notary.

- You are? - Yes. Can I help?

He would like you to notarize this.

Sure thing.

Stamp it hard.

[chatter and laughter]

This is where you want to go, right?

Let's get a good night's sleep

and get married in the morning.

Whatever you want.

Go straight to the hotel, please.

Okay.

[music continues]

Daisy?

Daisy?

[tires screech]

[Marty] Hey, watch it, you asshole,

this is a limo.

[Sean] No kidding?

Here, show them her picture.

[Marty] Hurry up!

We're going to check every place in town!

[music continues]

[indistinct chatter over PA]

[music fades]

[indistinct voice over PA]

[machine] Thank you!

[alarm]

[yells]

Oh my God! [yells]

Why am I so selfish and mean.

Why can't I be like Daisy?

She doesn't care about money.

[yelling excitedly]

[birds chirping]

[suspenseful music]

[sighs]

[moans]

Daisy?

I love you, darling.

What's this?

Just me...

and money.

Lots...

and lots...

and lots...

of money. [laughs]

[stutters] Where... What...

What is it? It's two million dollars!

Actually, it's part of two million dollars.

The rest is downstairs in a vault.

- [stutters] Who... - Whose is it? Mine!

How'd I get it?

I won it, I won it all!

God! I wish you'd been there!

Oh my God, this big beautiful machine

and a thousand lit up lights and everything!

And it was spitting money at me and spitting money at me!

Oh God, it was so wonderful!

I wish you'd been there! Oh God!

Oh God! I love you!

- This is wonderful. - I know.

It's like a double miracle!

You've won all this money,

and I've decided we don't need a prenuptial agreement.

- What? - It's incredible.

I was up on the mountains

and I had this fantastic religious experience.

I saw this lonely old wolf

and he spoke to me.

And you know what he said?

Share everything!

An old wolf told you to take half my money?

I'm not talking about taking, I'm talking about sharing!

You weren't so anxious to share everything

when I didn't have anything to share.

Oh, that was the old me.

Yeah, about 20 minutes old.

Sean, honey,

I've decided I do want a prenuptial agreement.

That's because you've got your own money now.

Yeah, well so what? What difference does it make?

I was willing to sign that old thing

even though I thought it was wrong!

God, I've been broke for so long, forever, really.

I don't know why you can't indulge

this one little craziness and sign the thing

so we can get married and get on with the honeymoon!

No.

By "no" you mean...

I mean definitely not.

I didn't like the way you bounced around the bed

with the money.

Something happens to women

when you get economic power, Daisy.

I feel sick!

I want my old Daisy back

that wasn't obsessed with money.

The one who came running back to her writer

- she thought was impoverished! - [Daisy sputters]

[laughing] I knew you had money before I came back!

- What? - Yeah, I read the article.

What do you think, I'm stupid?

[stammers] But when I asked you and you said yes,

your eyes blinked. I thought you were lying.

Well, yeah, my eyes blinked.

Yeah, I made them blink. Like this.

Oh!

Betrayed again!

Oh, Sean, come on now, don't be such a big baby!

- [Daisy] Sean! - Thank you, you're great!

Daisy!

- [Marty] Daisy! - Marty?

Daisy!

I don't want you marrying anyone that...

Sean, Marty, Marty, Sean.

This?

You're leaving me...

for this...

old jock?

So, this silly bully is Marty?

[Daisy] Oh! Stop it! Stop it!

Stop. Child-like behavior!

Don't touch him, he's a friend of mine,

and a lover I might add.

He's asked me to marry him

and never did he ask me ever to sign

some nasty little document.

Oh, big deal. What's he gonna do?

Give you a share of his allowance?

He's got three times as much money as you do!

He does? You do?

I don't know. How much have you got?

What are we talking? Net worth or assets?

I'm talking bottom line!

Shut up! Shut up! [sighs]

[Daisy] Net worth, assets, bottom line.

Assets! I'm sick of it! Net worth, assets...

Marty!

You can have her!

[Daisy] That's all you ever talk about.

That's all, all, you ever, ever talk about

and I'm sick of it! I'm sick of it! [sighs]

Daisy?

Whose is this?

[Sean] Jay?

I'm getting rid of all the parasites in my life.

Let's call this beginning notes

and ruminations of my detective novel.

- Ah ha! - What's this?

Old tape recordings.

Verbal notes from my first Ryan Gold novel.

This stuff will prove to my ex-wife

that she didn't help me create anything,

therefore, no more 20%.

C'mon, Sean. Wait a minute.

Don't we ought to listen to these tapes first

and hear what you're reeling off.

Jay, the artist never forgets the act of creation.

Where are you going?

I'm going to San Diego.

I'm going to play these tapes for Joyce

and then I'm coming back here

and I'm getting on the midnight plane

for Kuwait.

Welcome back!

[Sean] My God, it's the one who stole my car!

This is perfect!

Hold it!

[tires screech]

[car honks]

[car honks]

[Sean] Ma'am! Excuse me!

Listen, doll.

I've got somewhere to go right now.

Could you come up to my place later tonight?

Yeah, sure.

No, I mean it. Look, here's my address.

Here's a little taste...

of what's to come. [laughs]

- Oh, what time? - [Sean] Eleven.

Okay.

[laughing] Revenge is mine!

[music and indistinct chatter]

Sam, Sam, have you seen Daisy?

[Sam] Haven't seen her.

- How are you doing? - Good.

- [woman] Hi, how are you doing? - Oh. Hi.

- Roger, have you seen Daisy? - The hostess?

Yeah. Upstairs with the child.

Okay, thanks.

[humming]

[knocks on door]

Hi!

Hi!

You look very good with that baby.

This is a very cute baby.

Say hi to your mom.

Hi sweetie.

For such ugly act,

sex can sometimes produce such beautiful things.

[baby talk]

[laughs]

What's the matter?

What do you mean?

They're not that funny.

- I don't know. - What?

I don't know.

[sighs]

I'm having this big party here.

Yeah, it's going very well.

Everybody's having a good time.

I don't want to see anybody.

Money,

- lots of money now. - Yeah.

This is the kind of thing that could make you very happy.

Not as happy as if you gave it

to your best friend,

[laughs]

All right, Daisy, come on, talk to me, talk to me.

Oh, I don't know.

[stutters] I don't know,

I...

I'm grateful.

Sure! I'm thrilled!

I make all these lists of everything I'm gonna buy.

My heart beats fast every time I think about it.

You know, it's like...

oh, I don't know, sometimes...

when Sean and I were together,

and one time we were dancing out on the balcony

and the sun was going down and...

What?

- What? - What?

What?

You knew.

I'll hand you that. You always knew.

All right.

All right.

I was attracted to Marty because of his money.

There, you have it.

And I didn't go back to Sean

until after I found out he was successful.

I'm scum!

Oh, come on! You are not!

Besides, who wants to be with someone who's broke?

Do you remember that song?

'ª If I were a carpenter And you were a lady 'ª

'ª Would you marry me anyway? Would you have my baby 'ª

They never sang the answer to that

because it would have been no!

Who wants to be married to a carpenter?

Right? [Daisy laughs]

Your husband's a carpenter.

I hate folk music. It is such a disappointment.

- [Daisy crying] Oh, Ronnie. - [Ronnie] Oh, Daisy, come here.

Hi, ladies, am I interrupting anything?

Oh, no...

Good. Come with me, darling.

Nice outfit, Ron.

Such a putz.

[romantic music]

[Marty] Attention!

Make room everybody!

Folks, please, gather round!

- [woman] What? - Gather round.

- [woman] What's he want? - Folks,

I'd like to share a private moment with you.

- Honey? - What?

Your wedding ring.

Oh!

[indistinct chatter]

It was my grandmother's most cherished possession.

Been in my family forever.

- Oh! Marty, that's incredible! - Yeah. [chuckles]

Isn't your grandmother still alive?

Yeah. I bought it from her.

[crowd reacts]

Daisy,

will you marry me?

Daisy, honey, c'mon,

crowd's getting restless.

[Daisy scoffs]

[Marty laughs]

[laughing] Oh, God!

Oh, Marty! God!

I couldn't possibly marry you!

[crowd cheering]

[Ronnie] Way to go! That's my girl.

Come on, honey,

the crowd's turning on you.

[Marty] Daisy, what the...

Why are you acting like this?

Oh, Marty, honey,

I can't marry you!

You're egotistical, and insensitive,

and immature!

So what? It never bothered you before.

I know.

You haven't changed, I have.

Oh, God, Marty, I'm so sorry!

I should never have taken those trips

or accepted all of those gifts.

All under the auspices of loving you,

which I never did or ever could.

Oh God, I've been so unfair to you!

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I've been a terrible person.

I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you.

- I don't know. - I don't know.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I put most of my money in the bank,

but I kept out some cash from my winnings...

- Not much. - Oh, please...

How about...

thirty-five thousand dollars?

Come on, Daisy, what kind of guy do you think I am?

- That you can just pay off... - Forty-five.

- Fifty. - Fifty thou...

Daisy,

I feel so good about us now.

So do I.

I gotta go!

I gotta go!

[phone rings]

Hold on, Tommy. Just a minute.

Hello, Jay Bass, Attorney at Law.

Jay, it's me.

Did you see Joyce?

Yes, I was just over there.

And she did help me, Jay. It was right there on the tape.

She was in the room coming up with plots and characters.

She did everything.

Jay, give her another five percent.

- What? - That's it, Jay.

I don't want to talk about it.

[doorbell] Goodbye.

[soft music]

Last door on the right.

This one I know did me wrong. [laughs]

Haven't I been here before?

- Ah! What are you doing? - Yeah!

I'm robbing you! Like you robbed me!

[Sean growls] Oh! Nice! Very nice!

What are you doing this for? You're rich!

It's not the money.

It's to avenge myself on all women.

I'm not a woman!

[heavy breathing]

[Daisy] Seanstein! Seanstein!

[footsteps]

Sean?

- Daisy! - [Daisy] You were right.

I'm a money-grubbing little liar!

No, no, no! I'm a paranoid fool!

Women haven't wronged me, I've wronged them.

[sniffles] I'm so sorry.

- Would you marry me? - Yes, Daisy, yes!

Sean, this is all the money I kept out.

[Daisy] You can have it,

or we can take it to the bank tomorrow.

I don't care because I don't care about it,

I only care about you.

[Sean crying] I don't care about it either.

[prostitute] Hey! What about me?

Ah, you two are a cute couple.

I'm just gonna take cab fare.

[romantic music]

That thief, that rat. Leaving us helpless like this.

At least he left us tied up...

exactly the way we asked him.

[romantic sax music]