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Floyd!

Hey!

Morning, Floyd.

Hey.

What's ya got?

A movie.

Better times, eh?

Floyd, do you remember telling me

you'd be interested in selling this place

- if I could find a buyer? - No.

Well I think I found a buyer.

Look at your father in law...

Like a puff.

Lucky to survive, a man at that age.

A stroke like he had,

it's usually bringing out the trumpets.

You can't tell.

A little more than a year ago,

half the population of Blue Water.

Old Dorothy's just dancing up a storm.

That woman can really bring 'em in.

Too bad about her disappearing like that.

Uh...

So is this about a buyer?

Some guy from out of town.

Thinks an auto part store would fly here.

Well, it's not for sale.

Want a cup of coffee?

He's willing to go as high as 45.

Oh, come on, Charlie.

The place is a goldmine.

Or it was.

Could be again.

I don't know, that's good money for this place, Floyd.

You know, I read the paper the other day

about this guy from Portland, Oregon.

Got himself hit on the head by a limb.

He wondered around in California for three and a half years

until he came to his senses.

But he's back home now.

He's fine.

Everybody thought he was dead.

Man's got to accept facts, Floyd.

Facts?

I'll tell you,

facts is a dead body.

There is no dead body.

Going on a year, Floyd.

Listen...

If I was gonna sell, I couldn't take less than 90.

If I was going to sell, which I ain't.

Ninety?

Can I give you a little advise?

Charlie, I got a lot of work to do.

Take what you can and run.

I'll be honest with you, Floyd.

Talk's around you've got bills, you've got back taxes,

County won't hold with back taxes, not forever.

They'll sell this place right from under you.

They'll get their taxes.

Sad sight seeing a man outside this place,

suitcase,

waiting for a ride to God knows where.

Who in the hell is that?

Can't live in the past forever.

I see you, Charlie.

Up to you.

Take it easy old tiger!

Don't you old tiger me!

You little monkey fucker!

Is that anybody we know?

You know, it's after ten.

Where in the heck is that Jimmy?

My God, was that Jimmy?

No, that wasn't Jimmy.

That was Charlie O'Donnell.

Now come on, you know who that was.

So who is Jimmy?

It's hot down here.

It's hot up here.

That should do it.

Sure?

Well, not forever but...

It should hold at least until you get to a muffler shop.

Wow! I love that word.

"Muffler", don't you love that word?

I guess.

Muffler... Yeah I like that.

- Jimmy? - Huh?

Could I ask you one more little favor?

Sure.

If I turn this thing off,

I'm never gonna get it started again.

Oh, do you want me to check the battery?

Would you just run inside and bring me an iced tea?

I can do that.

I'd love you if you could do that.

I will be right back.

With lemon!

Aha.

I don't stay where I'm not wanted.

A lot of people do. But me, I figured,

"Hey, look, man, if I'm not welcome

then that's it", you know.

I'm gone. I'll leave.

I need an iced tea with lemon to go.

- Where have you been? - Annie Gormer.

- Her muffler fell off. - You're kidding.

No. She's sitting in a car right there.

Are you working for me

or you're working for Annie Gormer?

You, silly!

There is a hot woman out there, boy.

Yeah.

And you know what her favorite word is?

You know what her favorite word is?

Muffler.

Is that hers?

- I'll take it. - Hey, wait a second.

Don't go anyway, I'll save you the trip, boy.

No, well she didn't pay.

Put it on my tab.

Hey, man!

Let him go, the guy's getting to be a fixture around here.

Somebody ought to teach Virgil some manners.

Put it on my bill, put it on my bill!

He ain't paid his bill since ever probably!

Oh, don't worry about it.

Comes in here, he helps himself to whatever he wants.

He puts his feet up on everything, Floyd.

Shit, fuck!

Can you watch your language, please?

Somebody ought to teach Virgil some manners.

Come on.

Floyd!

- Floyd! - What?

Mind if I teach Virgil some manners?

What did I tell you about that gun?

Oh, it's just a twenty two.

Well, I don't care, put it away!

It's just a pee-shooter, it's all.

Put it away!

You're lucky, very lucky.

I mean, you know, we might need it.

Somebody could come in and he wouldn't hurt a fly.

- Yeah. - That's right

and the next thing you know there's a bunch of bloody bodies

lying all over the place.

Do me a favor, would you take him down into the bay

and play some chess with him?

Will you do that?

Okay.

Hey, Floyd!

Floyd!

Did you see the late show last night?

Gregory Peck.

"I'm gonna smoke this cigarette and then I'm going to kill you".

That gun better be away!

Gregory Peck, do you know who he reminds me of?

Who?

My brother Ed in Beaumont.

He's manager of a Pizza Hut already.

Your brother Ed, he used to drink a bottle of ink

and then he'd smile

and it looked like he had no teeth.

He's a real jerk.

But if he's such a jerk

and he's the manager of a Pizza Hut

- what does that make you then? - A jerk.

Just have the man home for dinner, will you?

I don't like people chopping on my brother, Floyd.

Then don't tease a man like you do.

At least he got out and stayed out,

not too many people can say that.

He's my brother

and he reminds me of Gregory Peck.

Here we go.

Let's go!

Go.

How'd it go?

Oh, he'll sell.

We just need to squeeze him a little.

I told you to close that deal.

He wants ninety, Jack.

So, give it to him.

That'll cost us forty five each.

I can get it from him for forty five total.

Tell me something, Charlie.

When you look at Floyd's place, what do you see?

Ah... old run-down bar that's had it's days.

You know what I see?

Possibilities.

That ferry? It's a thing of the past.

Once that bridge goes up,

we're talking skyrocket land prices.

Businesses, hotels, maybe even a kiddy park.

You think?

I didn't get appointed County Commissioner

by being stupid.

I've done everything I can.

I've got us every other available piece of property

over there.

None of which diddly shit as long as Floyd's place

is laying in the middle of them.

So, put the squeeze on him.

Call in his taxes.

We'd better just give him the 90,000

and forget about it.

You put the squeeze on him, and I guarantee you

I'll have that place within twenty four hours.

Oh, I'm never going back in that house again, General,

no, sir.

What the hell is the hold up?

Answer me, what's the damn delay?

Nothing, nothing.

Well, say that then, will you?

What do you say, General?

What do you say we walk the plank today, ah?

There you go!

We're on it now!

Oh, God!

I would never let anything happen to you,

you know that.

Hey... hey, Floyd.

It's Jimmy.

Whoever the hell you are.

Let's do it again.

Jimmy?

Hi, sugar.

Dorothy?

I'm soaked to the skin, I'm afraid.

Are you alright?

That's a matter of opinion.

We got any clean towels?

Bring me a hot cup of coffee, would you, honey bear?

I knew it.

Honest to God, I knew it.

What am I doing getting coffee there's plenty of time for that,

Dorothy?

Come on out here.

I've got a 12 year old bottle of scotch

out here that's waiting to...

Dorothy?

Your move.

Well, move me, damn it.

Alright.

Yeah.

Oh!

Guess what, guess what!

I don't have time for any guessing games,

you flee brain.

Oh, no! I'll give you a hint, I'll give you a hint.

Starting Monday...

I'll never be late for work again.

Know why?

No, I don't know...

Because I'm buying Georgie Marone's old Galaxy.

That's why.

What the hell is a Galaxy?

It's a car, my car.

I figured I give him $50 down tonight

and the rest when...

When I get paid on Monday.

And it's your move.

Alright, could you move me?

Okay!

Oh, God!

I never owned my own car in my life.

Big deal.

Big deal? It's your move, "Big deal".

Move me there.

Alright, yep, there you go. See?

Oh.

That's when you discovered

- you had bone cancer. - Exactly.

And what did you do next?

Hey, Floyd!

The anger wore off after...

Louise!

Catch you later?

I'll be here.

Alright, be good!

Sit down, you guys, Sit down!

Bye!

We talked about life and death, and dignity.

Alternatives.

Which is when we decided on the pills.

The sleeping pills.

Right.

We both talked the situation over.

We agreed that selective suicide...

What's that?

...was the only dignified alternative.

Guy in the suit wants to kill himself

before he dies.

Be kind of tough to kill himself after he dies.

What do you got?

Two bologna and cheese and six bud.

Did you total it?

Yeah, it comes to $10.99 including tax.

Just leave the money.

Well, I'm a little short this week, Floyd,

but I wrote it in the book.

This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

What?

Just watch him take his own life.

"Walk a mile in my shoes".

Phone.

- Floyd, the phone rang. - I hear.

- Yeah? - Floyd?

Yeah?

Jack Hill.

Listen, buddy, we've got a little problem here

of back taxes.

Oh, what's the problem.

Well about $5,280 is the problem.

I'm gonna have to put your place up.

Oh... When?

Starting Monday, I'm afraid you're out of business.

Unless you can come up with something.

Life, death and you.

Oh, oh!

- Checkmate! - Where?

- Right there, open your eyes. - You cheated.

No! That's four games to zip.

Set 'em up

Jimmy!

Oh, Floyd!

I thought I told you to have the man home for dinner.

We didn't have any dinner.

What time is it?

Forget it, I'll take him back.

I don't want you to be mad at me.

Don't worry about it.

So.. So I'll see you tomorrow?

- Tomorrow is Saturday. - That's okay.

Look, would you kind of be able to pay me a little something?

- I mean... - We'll talk about it.

I mean, it's been over three weeks.

I said we'll talk about it.

It doesn't have to be all. Half is fine.

- Can we talk about it? - Okay, I'll see you.

Checkmate!

Don't you ever sneak up on a man like that.

Checkmate, checkmate, checkmate!

Let's get him.

Floyd!

Floyd!

Man wonders why he can't do business.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Floyd?

God, I love that woman.

Huh? Who's that?

Your daughter.

Dorothy.

God, she's dead.

You read in the paper about that man in Oregon.

There are no real man around anymore,

God damn it.

This goes to prove nothing is certain until is certain.

Man are just a bunch of titless females,

if you ask me.

God!

Take it easy for God's sakes.

You are some business man, you know that?

Tip over her rock.

What the hell is this?

What does it look like?

What are you trying to do, match the national debt here?

How'd you get in here?

- She broke in! - Shut up!

- I had a key made. - You what?

I had a key made.

I had to just in case, I forgot to tell you.

That's breaking and entering!

Call the cops!

Hush, old man.

Taking some liberties, aren't you, Louise?

Am I?

Picked up your fiddle.

Yeah, I saw it.

Been sitting over there at Straus' Music

ever since you had it fixed.

Well, it could've just stayed there.

Oh, I got it.

How much do I owe you?

A couple of bucks, forget it.

Why don't you just put it in the book?

Ha, ha!

Well...

I gotta sell this place, Louise.

Well, that's stupid.

It's either that or give it up to back taxes.

Sell the place and then what?

Huh?

What are you gonna do then?

Get a job at Kroger's bagging groceries?

Sit in some factory all day

stapling your fingers together?

You know, all you know is this place, Floyd.

The merchant Marine and this place,

that's all you know.

You could make this place work again, you know that?

With my help, you could make this place work again.

Mhm.

Really, Floyd.

I figure we could keep this place open

may be 16 hours a day.

Ten in the morning to two at night.

Well, you got it all figured out, ain't you?

Well, I've given it some thought, yeah.

Well, why don't you talk to those people

over there at Junction Texaco about staying up late, huh?

Or Georgie Marone at Stereo Lounge.

Both those places have been robbed in the last four months.

At least they are successful.

Well, yeah, they are successful

cause the busybodies in this town

will flock any place at the sign of tragedy.

Alright, so say you do sell this place,

what are you going to do with this old dinosaur?

Louise! This is my father-in-law here.

You're gonna wrap him up in aluminum foil

and put him out for the trash man?

I've got a big deal of respect for this man.

Ah, you need a partner, Floyd!

Somebody with some business smarts.

I don't need a partner.

What I need is Dorothy.

Dorothy is dead, Floyd.

Well, that's really nice, Louise, really nice feeling.

Well, it's true.

We don't know that, do we?

Floyd, now sit down here a minute,

I want to talk to you.

Now look at me, Floyd.

You know, I've been living at home all my life

and driving that damn school bus going on nine years now.

But I have managed to save up $63,000.

And I'm willing to put every penny of it

into this here operation, okay?

I can't take that, Louise, you know my devotions.

Come on, Floyd.

Screw that, just take it.

I know you're thinking these devotions

don't seem to stop him from certain things

of a sexual nature, but...

I'm not thinking that.

It's different, Louise, you know,

physical desire...

is something a man can't have any control over,

you know, you're hungry and you eat.

It has nothing to do with devotions.

Yeah, well...

Forget it.

Forget it, let's just do something else.

- You want to? - Yeah

Let's...

I don't know.

What?

Want to go sit down on the porch?

Why don't you fire up your fiddle and play me

a little bit of your orange blossom special, alright?

Ah, that's festive, Louise.

I'm not really feeling festive.

Let's go to the pictures then,

we'll let the General watch the place, alright? Come on.

Who's gonna watch the General?

Damn it, Floyd.

I went through this whole routine with my mother

Friday night, don't wait up for me, no ma'am.

So she goes into her routine with the dry heaves

and I got to sneak out the back.

You know, 36 year old and I sneak out the back door.

Got a new blouse on even.

Yes, it's new.

This is 100% acetate, Floyd,

with the look of real Japanese silk.

Really.

Louise, we're open for business out there.

Come on, Floyd,

give it a feel, honey.

Oh, a man has to do, what a man has to do.

Oh, Floyd!

Ouch, Floyd!

Hey, what's the matter, boy? Finally, get smart enough

to come to where the living congregate?

- Real comedians. - Hey, Jimmy.

Thanks for the ice tea today.

Oh, it's alright!

Georgie!

Let's walk outside here a minute, alright?

There she is.

I tell you, you won't have any problems

- getting a woman in this car. - Oh, man!

Here you go.

It's all here?

No...

I only count $50.

Yeah, $50 down.

We agreed on $250, son.

No, no, you told me the rest on Monday.

Well, Jimmy, see, I gotta change of plans.

I'm gonna be in Mexico by Monday.

No, but you told me.

Yeah, well, I don't care what I told you, alright?

I'm telling you now.

Yeah.

Look at this cherry.

I can go in there and sell this in nothing flat.

No, no, don't do that. Don't do that.

Well, I'm just telling you that I could.

No, no, I'll get the money.

I'll get the money.

- Where? - From Floyd.

- Floyd? - That's right.

Talking about getting money out of Floyd, they'll slap you back

- in the crazy house. - Hey, no, no.

Don't say that!

No, it's not right, don't say that.

Don't.

$250 or I sell the car.

Oh, no.

Catch you later?

I'll be here.

Catch you later.

I ain't deaf, you know.

Do you want some breakfast?

I heard the whole thing.

The whole kit and kaboodle that went on there.

We was just talking, that's all. We was just talking.

Didn't sound like no language I've ever heard.

We were discussing current events.

Yeah, right.

Then we fell asleep

and then we woke up.

Life goes on.

Sounds like the second coming of Judas, if you ask me.

May be you oughta have your ears cleaned out,

you know, a man has his devotions.

You sounded pretty damn devoted last night, didn't ya?

"Oh, I want ya, I want ya, I want ya."

Just have some breakfast, will you?

We'll watch some movies later on.

I don't wanna watch no damn movies.

I don't want to watch you watch no damn movies neither!

And I don't wanna watch no dead woman frolic around!

May be I'm not just watching her frolic around, you know,

maybe I'm looking for something...

A clue.

Well, that's bull crap.

Yeah, well, you don't wanna watch any movies?

Take yourself off outside there,

take some air, let the stink go off you.

You treat me like a stray cat around here,

- Hi. - Hi.

Missed you last night.

I went out.

I didn't sleep a wink.

You should take a pill.

You were over at Floyd's?

Thank the Lord your father is not around.

Break the poor man's heart.

Can I come in?

I wanna jump in the tub.

You know, Louise,

men don't buy the cow

when they can get the milk for free.

What do you want, frizzle dick?

Floyd!

Floyd.

Be right with you.

I need to talk to you.

Yeah, well, I need to talk to you too.

- Have a seat. - Well, Floyd,

I don't mean to be a pain, but I was wondering,

do you think you could pay me something?

Uh...

I mean, I got it figured that you owe me for 75 hours.

- Are you alright? - Yeah.

I got it figured here that you owe me for 75 hours.

At $3.85 an hour.

Which comes to $200.75.

I was wondering, Floyd, if you could pay me may be $200.

Um...

- Right now? - Yeah.

Well, I don't have it right now.

Oh, I'll take a check.

Yeah...

Anything.

Uh...

What do you need $200 for?

You live at home, you eat at home.

I need it.

I'm buying a car.

Oh!

Why don't I give you $5000 in a couple of weeks.

Five thousand.

In a couple weeks.

No fooling, Floyd.

No, no, no fooling, I'll give you $5000.

You know, you can buy a brand new car.

You can get yourself

one of those Yugoslavian jobs or something.

Mm.

But you don't have no $5,000.

No, I don't have it right now, but I will,

with your help.

Oh, what do I have to do?

Well, tomorrow, I'm gonna close up the bar.

I'm gonna take the General over to Freeport.

Oh, on the bus.

On the bus, yeah.

So you want me to take care of the bar?

No, listen, no.

I want you to come in here about noon, something like that.

I'm gonna leave the back door open.

- Door open... - Under the dresser

I'm gonna put a rag,

- A rag? - A rag.

Okay.

I want you to take that rag and squirt it down real good

with some lighter fluid.

Lighter fluid?

I'll leave it out.

And in the top dresser drawer, I'm gonna leave a candle.

I want you to take the rag

and wrap it around the bottom of the candle, understand that?

And put it over there by those boxes.

Yeah.

And then light the candle.

You want me to light the candle?

Then get out of here.

It'll take about an hour for that candle to burn down.

And by that time, you'll be home with your folks.

You want me to burn the place up.

No. Just light the candle, no.

They'll blame it on the faulty wiring.

Why would you want to then?

Cause of the... The insurance, you know.

Seventy five thousand dollars.

Then you light the candle.

Oh, no. I can't light the candle.

I'll be the first one they suspect.

No, I gotta be so far out of town,

they never even consider the possibility.

Well, suppose they suspect me!

- No, they won't. - How do you know that?

Cause nobody'd give you credit for being that bright.

Oh!

I can't do that, Floyd.

I'll give you the $5,000 as soon as I collect.

- I can't do it. - Well, sure you can.

This is my job here, Floyd.

I mean, cleaning up, taking care of the General,

watching over things, that's my job.

I mean, burn it up...

Then what am I supposed to do, huh?

You tell me that.

Well, I don't know. You do anything you want to do.

This, I want this, Floyd.

You'll get another job, I mean...

- Where, where? - Well, I don't know where.

Down at Junction Texaco or something. Anywhere.

They want mechanics there, Floyd.

They want mechanics, I'm not one.

I don't want any part of this.

- It's sick, you're sick. - Jimmy.

- No. - Listen.

People will see me walking around without a job.

They'll put me back in the hill!

- You don't care. - Listen to me, will you?

No, I'd rather be dying in the street

bleeding to death, than go back there.

- Will you listen? - No, you listen to me, Floyd.

You listen to me now.

I want my $200 and I want it today

and I'm gonna be back for it. I'm serious.

You're sick.

You're the one who should be up in that house, not me.

Everyone else is fucking sick.

God damn it!

Where are you going?

I'm kidnapping him, okay?

Holding him for ransom.

$200 or you'll never see him again.

Aha, kidnapping you can do, but a favor for me, forget it.

Take it easy pee-wee!

Just have the man home for dinner, will ya?

And I'll tell you something else, Floyd.

Anything happens to this place...

Guess who's not gonna keep quiet about it.

I'm serious, Floyd.

God damn, you're going crazy!

Help, help!

You shut up!

O'Donnell Realty by land or by sea,

can I help you?

Yes, just a minute, please, Floyd.

Hello!

Charlie, it's Floyd.

Yeah, Floyd, what can I do for you?

Would you have time to come over?

Pretty busy.

I was thinking about may be selling.

Well, I might be able to make it a little later in the day.

Yeah, I'll be here.

Al right.

Hey, Floyd.

Hey!

Look at her.

I remember who took this.

Well, it couldn't have been me. I'm in it.

Must have been Louise.

So, how's they hanging?

Baytch! Oh.

I know why you're here.

- You do? - Yeah.

Eviction, right?

No, no.

Floyd, I...

I think we found you're wife's remains.

That's not her.

Right, don't look like her.

How am I supposed to identify her

if it don't look like her?

Wouldn't look like you neither

if you've been fish food for near a year.

Sorry.

That's somebody else, that's not her.

Come on, Floyd.

You dragged an entire lake, how could that be her?

Lots of ways.

I know my wife.

Big lake, could've missed a spot.

Alright, Baytch, alright.

Could've gotten tangled in some undergrowth the whole time.

Oh, just forget it, Baytch.

On Tuesday she could've drifted to where we dragged on Monday.

That's her.

That's her alright.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

The wedding ring.

That's Dorothy.

Chainsaw and Spike in there

against those cute southern belles.

Look at her,

Scarlet not even knowing what's attacking her.

And just dropped right to the mat.

Oh, my!

You think this stuff is fake?

You ask me that all the time. Of course it's fake.

And Spike...

They bleed sometimes, you know.

They bleed fake blood.

Chainsaw is very affected and very smart, I might add.

Wouldn't hurt you to have a little trust in things

from time to time.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Muriel.

It's Muriel.

Whoopie.

What?

You're pulling my leg.

Where?

They found Floyd's wife's body.

After all this time.

Well, I reckon that should put the man's mind to rest finally.

Well, he needed something to kick his tail into gear.

He sure not doing it now.

Sitting around that bar, watching them home movies.

Still, the man always was a bit off the beaten path,

if you ask me.

I'm going out.

Louise!

Amazing!

Damn!

Al right!

Where's Floyd?

Not here.

Floyd!

He's not here.

You payed for that beer?

Put it in the book.

That's bullshit, Digby.

This book is bullshit!

- Hey! - Now, how many'd you have?

Well, I don't know.

About two, I guess.

- Three bucks, let's go. - Three bucks?

Don't make me grab you by the ankles

and shake it out of you, Digby. Now, give it.

I'd like to know what happened to credit

in this damn country.

It got spent.

We might as well go drink in Russia.

Go ahead.

Okay, Digby.

Beat it.

Hey, I ain't done yet.

Take it with you. We're closed.

I'm gonna tell you one damn thing:

you just blew the possibility of a very generous tip.

You know that, Louise?

Get lost.

She's blowing it in there for you, Floyd.

In more ways than one, eh, Dig?

You alright?

- You heard? - Yes.

You know Blue Water, Floyd.

She probably heard before you did.

Want a drink?

No.

Yeah, give me a drink.

I wouldn't say no to a little pop myself.

You'll get over it.

It just takes time.

You can't dwell on it.

That's all.

- By the way, how's Jimmy doing? - Fine.

Boy, that guy cracks me up.

All the time I've known him, he still cracks me up.

I used to pitch his books out the school bus window.

When I was a senior, he was a freshman,

- you remember that? - Yeah.

Real funny stuff, Baytch.

Every day, up goes the window, out goes the books.

Well...

let me move on.

Bye.

Full moon again tonight.

Ninety nine percent of my problems.

Last night, perfect example.

Two guys going to Stereo Lounge on motorcycles.

They have a couple of brews,

before you know, there's popcorn all over the place.

One of them stole the toilet paper

out of the men's room.

Senseless.

Lucky they pulled out there before I got the call.

I'd have had them on their hands and knees

picking that stuff up.

Well, let me ride.

We'll see you.

Moron.

Come on, Floyd.

Shouldn't be any big shock,

that poor woman being dead, you know?

We all sort of knew it now, didn't we?

Hey, I'll tell you what,

why don't we just close up the place

and I'll fix us some nice lunch

and we'll go out and have us a picnic, huh?

A picnic?

No law against that.

That's a good idea, Louise.

We can have a picnic over by the lake.

Well, there's other places we could go, Floyd.

We can sit on a blanket, holding hands,

gaze out and picture the only woman I've ever loved

going down for the third time.

Could we may be just change the subject?

Just like that, eh?

Yeah, just like that.

Must be a real happy day for you, Louise.

What's that supposed to mean?

I just imagine

this is a real happy day for you.

Huh?

Look, forget it.

Let's just do something.

Why don't you call it. We'll do whatever you want.

Did something real nice last night, didn't we?

While the body of my poor Dorothy washed up there,

we did something real nice in there.

Knock it off, Floyd.

Here's to us.

Why don't we just get out of here alright?

I can't.

Why not?

I got Charlie O'Donnell coming.

Charlie O'Donnell?

Yes. I've got the necessary paperwork.

Damn it, Floyd.

So why don't you just go out and do something?

Okay.

I come over here and try to cheer you up

and I can see that that's impossible

so I'll just let you be then.

Mind if I use your phone?

Public property, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

I guess since I have nothing to do all day

I'll call Virgil Stimms and see what he's got going on.

Why don't you do that.

He's been asking me out a lot lately

and I don't want to come off all snooty.

- Call him, then. - I am.

If you don't mind being seen with the biggest idiot

in the entire state.

Quiet.

A man that has one eyebrow

running the entire length of his forehead.

Hello, Virgil?

- Who am I to stop you? - It's me Louise.

Yeah, how are you doing?

All fine.

Listen, Virgil, I was wondering what you had going for today.

Oh, yeah?

How about if I drive over there

and you and I just do nothing together then?

Alright, well, about a half an hour?

What?

You nut!

You dirty guy.

Well...

All set.

Good.

May I use your bathroom, please?

- What for? - Well I...

I'm not gonna mess it up.

Well, just don't take forever either.

Oh, why don't I just skip it.

- What are you doing, - I've got some kind of tag

that's driving me crazy here.

- Louise! - Well, there's nobody here.

Besides, you don't want me to mess up your bathroom.

There!

Didn't mess up a thing, did I?

Get your clothes on!

I'm not kidding.

Get them on!

You know, I don't have to do a damn thing

you tell me to do unless I want it, understand?

You got anything here besides Juicy Fruit?

Whatever is there.

How about some Cloret's? You got any back there?

You don't need a Clorets, Louise.

Virgil's not interested in your breath.

Virgil is interested in getting his hands down your panties.

That's all Virgil is interested in.

You want me to call him back then?

No, don't call him back on my account.

You wanna date a prevert? Date a prevert.

Ha!

The word is "pervert" and he's not one.

He goes into Clute City and buys all those magazines

with little naked children in them.

Oh, he does not.

People have seen him get off the bus!

That's not true.

I just don't like the idea of a woman

being yanked on all evening.

Look, I'm not gonna be yanked on unless I wanna be yanked on.

I'm probably just gonna go over there and get some chicken.

Well...

I hope you have a real good time.

I really do and I...

I hope you drive carefully

and...

In case I don't see you again,

I hope you take real good care of yourself.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"In case I don't see you again," What the hell is that?

Well, things happen.

What things?

Don't be pulling this crap on me,

I don't like it, alright?

I just want you to promise me one thing.

If it does happen,

that you take care of the General.

Ha!

Not promising that.

Oh, fine.

Look, Floyd, nothing's gonna happen to you.

Besides, even if it did,

I wouldn't take care of that old bastard.

I'm glad to finally see your true colors, Louise.

This is stupid.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna get a quarter. I'm gonna call Virgil

and cancel the whole dam thing, alright?

You're worse than an old woman.

- What? - Worse than a damn old woman.

Alright, go, go.

Have yourself a wonderful time. Stay out all night.

- Do your thing? - Do my thing?

Yeah, find yourself a real man. Do your "thing".

Will you quit saying that?

If you can't find a man, find yourself a boy.

Excuse me?

If you can't, find yourself a dog,

Hey, fuck you!

"Fuck you", really?

Yeah, that's real lady like, Louise, real lady like.

Why don't you take your problems,

your heartaches and all your whole goddamn place

and shove 'em.

- Get off my property. - I am, damn it.

Fuck you!

I don't need a fucking whore.

Fuck yourself!

I don't need the company of a foul-mouthed whoor!

By the way, it's not "whoor" it's "whore".

What are you, uneducated? God!

Whoor! That's the truth.

- Fuck you! - It's whoor.

Whoor!

Whoor!

Take a good look, fatso.

Cause it's the last time your gonna see me.

A man has to do what a man has to do.

Eat this.

What the hell is this.

Looks like a lizard sandwich.

It's been dead a long time.

Alright.

Where did you find that, for Christ sake?

Alright.

What the hell are you doing?

What are you doing?

Don't you want to play chess?

You are forgetting the routine!

The plank, you fumble dick!

Aren't we going to walk the plank?

- I don't feel like it. - What?

- Gets my blood going. - I don't want to!

- Do it! - I don't care, I don't want to.

Come on, will ya.

- Come on, do it. - No!

- Please? - Alright.

Alright. Good thing that I love you.

Alright, here we go.

You should put some sperm on it.

Gents, start your engines.

There's the green light.

Bombs away!

That a boy!

Let's go! Let's go!

Oh, no!

Oh, no!

Don't kid around with me.

I'm not in the mood for this.

No.

God, no.

Oh!

Louise?

Johnny Gorman.

How you been keeping?

Not too bad.

I didn't know old Floyd was a bowler.

I'm not here with Floyd.

I'm here with Virgil

Oh!

He's over there putting on his shoes.

Lucky Virgil.

I wouldn't mind seeing you again.

Let's go, Louise.

Coming!

Wouldn't be like before. Believe me.

I wouldn't be borrowing money from you, like I used to.

Don't tell me you're working.

Will be.

As soon as they start the bridge, I'll be working full.

What bridge?

It's kind of on the Q.T. right now,

but the county finally approved a four lane suspension job

that's gonna connect Blue Water with the rest of civilization.

Hell, they've been talking about that bridge for years.

It's more than just talk this time.

My old lady is a receptionist over at city hall.

Horse's mouth on this one.

Excuse me.

Point is, it wouldn't be like it was.

Man, I got than man a two dollar deposit on the shoes.

Just be quiet, Virgil.

Why are we driving so fast?

- Would you shut up? - Alright.

Would you please think about driving defensively?

Virgil, you got a knife?

Uh, a pocket knife.

Let have that.

- That's what you call a knife? - Yeah.

Hand me that Black and Decker, it's under the seat.

Mhm.

We're talking bag it and take it home.

Yeah, just give him some time to stew in his own juice a while.

I tell you, Jack, the fish is on the line.

I'm just reeling him in.

Alright!

Dear, Louise,

you can sell the bar.

I hereby leave it to you.

Uh...

But you gotta promise me

that you will take care 'of the General.

You gotta promise me that.

Love, Floyd.

Best regards, Floyd.

Charlie?

It's me Floyd, open up.

Leave him there, I'll get him in later.

No, no, it's important! Open up!

Alright!

- Open up! - I'm coming.

Floyd!

There has been an accident.

- Yeah? - An accident.

- Louise? - No, the General.

- The General? - Yes.

Yes, it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault.

Al right.

We were playing on the dock

and he went flying out of my hands.

What?

I pulled him into the shore,

he wasn't moving, Floyd.

- He wasn't moving. - Alright, get out of the way.

No, no, no, Floyd, no.

- Get the hell out of my way. - No, no, no, Floyd.

What the hell are you doing?

Let's lock all these here.

All I want, Floyd, from you, is an hour.

Just enough time to get out of here.

You're getting yourself in real big trouble, Mister.

Floyd, I'm sorry alright,

just get me out of here, please.

Get me a cab.

- A what? - A cab.

- A cab? - Yeah.

- From where? - Just get me a cab to Beaumont.

My brother Ed, he'll know what to do.

Ed?

Just get me a cab.

Get your own cab, you know where the phone is.

No, I can't

because they're probably looking for me already, Floyd.

Well, calm down, will you?

I just want a cab.

Okay!

Give me a quarter.

Floyd!

Oh, shit.

Floyd!

Floyd?

Come on, Floyd, it's me, Louise.

It's Louise.

Tell her to go away.

Floyd!

Go away!

Floyd, open the door.

You know Louise,

woman don't take no for an answer.

Floyd, open this door right now.

Okay.

You get her in and you get her out, alright?

Otherwise I come in like the 4th of July, Floyd.

Okay?

4th of July, I'm not kidding.

And you lock the door.

Floyd!

Coming!

Floyd, I gotta talk to you.

- Yeah. Right now? - Yes, right now.

Excuse us.

Oh, no!

Louise, there's nothing you can say to me

you can't say in front of your boyfriend.

Oh, he's not my boyfriend.

Listen, this is very important.

Come here, I want to tell you something.

I've seen city dumps that look better than this.

Don't even think about selling this place.

Whatever you say, Louise.

It's gonna be worth a fortune.

I'd say somebody tied one on.

Come here.

They're building a bridge, Floyd. Across to the main land.

Place gonna be worth it's weight in gold

- and then some. - What are you talking about?

Oh, God!

- Let's go, Louise. - What?

Gonna make a top notch bowler out of her.

Check her out.

The form, the back swing...

All she needs is practice, practice, practice.

- Virgil. - That's all she needs!

I heard, I heard.

You have to go. Jimmy's there.

- Are you drunk? - Come on, Louise.

Time to get the old balls flying.

Oh, forget it.

You.. God!

Hold on!

What the hell country are you from?

Just relax, Popeye.

I need to use your truck.

For what?

- I need to go to Beaumont. - For what?

Cause I need to, alright?

Give me your keys.

Floyd!

I'm not kidding, give me your keys!

Where are the keys?

I don't know about anybody else, but myself, I've seen enough.

Virgil, he's got a gun.

Give me the gun.

- Floyd. - Come on, boy.

Just hand me the gun and then you and me...

We'll take a nice little ride.

Get away from me, Virgil. I'm serious.

I'd do what he says.

Couple of shakes, I'll have you back

swapping stories with your old buddies.

Snug as a bug.

No.

Everybody better start listening to me.

We are listening.

You talk, we listen.

What the hell is going on?

You gotta be shitting me.

I want the keys.

They're in the truck

Okay, let's go.

Now, what are you doing?

Keys better be in the truck, Louise

- or you're dead. - Dead?

It's Baytch.

Baytch? Shit, shit!

No, no!

Okay, Floyd, you cover for me.

Well, get in the back room.

I got enough ammo in this thing to kill us all.

Oh, shut up and get in the back room.

Thanks! Ah!

You were a regular John Wayne, Virg.

At least I took a shot.

Baytch!

What's with the door locked?

Well... We was doing some...

Renovations.

Can I...

Oh, yeah.

Hey, Baytch!

Where's Louise?

- Home. - She's home?

Yeah, home.

She's home.

Louise's truck...

- Well, Floyd. - Well, Virgil.

I'm driving it.

You're going to drink and drive that truck?

No, no.

A little rough house?

- Yeah. - No.

Yeah, a little bit.

Don't tell me you two boys were fighting over that hog?

- Hog? - Shhh.

Yeah, I'll tell you, it's under control, though.

Better be.

Guess who I got out in the car?

Your father in law, what's-his-name.

- The General? - Yeah.

Laying out by the dock

like one of them dead Flying Walendas.

- He's okay? - Yeah.

The General is okay.

Yeah, he's fine.

Wheelchair is in the trunk.

You're gonna bring him in?

You be right back, of course.

Jimmy leave him out there?

I guess.

Leaving the scene. He'll answer to me for that.

Shh.

You mind?

No, go ahead.

You know how to work this thing?

Press the button, you fog head.

I never approach the scene of an accident too carelessly.

Two years ago, a man older than General here

held 21 people hostage

in a frozen custard joint in San Antonio.

Double barrel shotgun.

Made the people strip.

Handled some of the women's underthings.

Seven hours he's yelling something about Social Security.

That's really interesting, Baytch.

Seven hours!

Finally, he raises that old double-barrel,

cocks her back and lets her fly.

What are you doing?

Thank God, nobody in the line of fire.

But, substantial property damage.

I'm talking frozen custard everywhere.

Mayday, do you copy?

This is Virgil.

We got Mayday, do you copy?

This is Virgil.

Virgil, just get the man in here

and quit playing grab-ass.

Anyways...

The old man finally realizes what he's done.

It's too much for him,

he has a heart seizure right then.

Right on the spot.

San Antonio police finally roll him out,

he's dead,

covered with frozen custard

It's not pleasant,

but its life.

Well, thanks a lot Baytch for...

sharing that with me.

Don't mention it.

Well, let me ride.

Who locked the door, who locked the door?

Louise's glasses?

Open the door, open the door, damn it!

Open the door!

Oh, watch it!

Put him in the back, let him rest up.

You idiots.

Who the hell are you?

Yeah...

Another full moon tonight.

That means there's walking time bombs out there

waiting to go off.

It's my job to make sure they don't.

Stop it.

- No! - Come on.

- He's gone? - Yeah.

Let's go.

What are you doing?

The General, he's alright. He's fine.

No, no, Floyd. You heard what they said.

- Leaving the scene? - Oh, big deal?

Open the door, I'm taking Louise with me.

You what?

I'm taking her hostage, so you...

So you won't try anything funny when I leave.

Well, take Virgil hostage.

Sure, nobody asks me shit.

Just one more thing, okay?

Oh!

Get your damn feet off the furniture!

I always wanted to do that, Floyd.

Put 'em back up.

Come on, put 'em back up.

I want you to put your feet on the floor

or I'm gonna kill you.

Boom!

And he kills him anyway.

Remember Gregory Peck?

I always wanted to do that.

Anyway...

Come on.

Open the door.

You look very nice today.

- I do? - Yeah.

New shoes, eh?

These old things?

You've seen this things a million times.

No.. I... Really?

Just open the door.

Oh!

- Here's your... - Thanks, Floyd.

See ya.

You know, who knows, Floyd,

may be on the ride she get to like me

better than she likes you.

No, no!

Give me the gun, give me the gun!

Gun, gun, get the gun!

Alright, pal, up we go!

The party is over, man. In the car.

Oh, just let him go.

What?

Let him go!

Attempted auto theft here.

Give me the gun.

- Attempted kidnapping. - Give me the gun, will you?

We'll see you, Virg.

What?

Just go.

- Go? - Go, go, go.

Oh...

I got a date here.

It's over, Virg.

It's over?

Well...

I got no ride.

Walk it.

I got my bowling shoes on.

I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell anybody

- about this. - Yeah. No problem, Virgil.

Maybe I should get going too.

You stay right here.

What did I tell you about bringing a gun in here?

What did I tell you?

If should send you back up on that hill.

Now, get outside, get a broom and clean this mess. Go on.

- Floyd? - What?

I guess is not a good time to talk about my $200.

No, get out of here!

Get the broom.

- Floyd? - What?

Don't you think we oughta call Baytch or something?

No, I don't.

Why not?

Because, like Virgil says, there's certain things

best left private.

You out on the prowl again.

I'd like to keep that private.

On the prowl again?

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! What are you... Oh!

That little sick Jimmy just took my truck.

Louise, will you keep it down?

The man's had a tough one.

Yeah, well, so have I.

I'm still making the payments on that truck.

That's alright, we'll go to Beaumont tomorrow.

He's taking the car over to his brother Ed's.

We'll take the bus and we'll bring it back.

Yeah, somebody mind telling me

how I'm supposed to get home then?

I don't want you to go home.

You don't?

Hey...

you're pretty bad yourself, aren't you Floyd?

Overpowering a gunman like that?

I mean, you're mad-ass guy.

I had this picture.

Picture?

Yeah, you and Jimmy in the car,

your hands occupied driving.

He's free to explore.

So you went into action due to a picture, ha?

I'd guess it'd be fair to that, yeah.

You don't care if I get killed or something.

You just didn't want to see me get felt up, is that it?

Louise, will you just watch it?

Well, I know you have this high regard for me don't you?

What did you expect?

You come in with Virgil,

with your breast flouncing around

and talking about getting "the old balls flying"...

Bowling, Floyd!

Everybody...

Everybody okay?

You alright?

Mhm.

You okay?

Where the fuck am I?

You know, I talk about Dorothy a lot.

Dorothy this and Dorothy that.

But the truth be known, Dorothy wasn't perfect,

I didn't realize that until she was gone.

I know.

Sometimes I think that...

She just took off and deserted me,

You know, just...

left for the great beyond.

She didn't have much option, did she?

Being dead and all.

She got you there.

You know, I couldn't have anybody do that to me again.

You know, leaving me like that.

Uh...

Anyway, ah...

If you want to hang around here

and help me run this place, that's fine.

I just...

I don't want you running out on me, though.

We partners?

Well...

Sort of, yeah.

Alright.

Partners!

Well, I'll be damned.

Okay.

Well, there's a couple things you have to understand, Floyd.

I just come and go as I please, you know.

I'm not a "today woman".

You'd have to understand that, Floyd.

And you have to stop acting the way you do sometimes.

Oh, well...

How's that?

You know, the way you act.

Got to stop that.

Oh...

Okay.

May be you should stop talking about Dorothy so much.

And you should tell me that you love me sometimes,

since you do.

Floyd, Floyd. Floyd!

- Who the hell is that? - Charlie O'Donnell.

- Oh! - Let him in.

Floyd?

- Hey, Louise. - Hey.

I just walked all the way over here.

You can walk all the way back.

Floyd?

- Let him in. - Do what?

You heard the man.

Excuse me, Louise.

Howdy, grand dad.

Don't you grand-daddy me, you creepy little tit merchant.

Living proof.

The good die young.

Let me out of here before I insult the man.

Well, I heard you mention something about selling.

Yes, I did.

Which is the damndest coincidence Floyd,

because I not one half hour ago

spoke to the fellow I told you about.

- The auto parts man? - That's the one.

Did a little haggling, got him up to fifty two nine.

Ran over here without giving him a chance

to come to his senses.

How about that?

So what would you say to a little 12 year old scotch?

I'd say it's been a long time.

- Louise? - No, thank you.

I've been saving this for an occasion.

Well, it ain't all the time a man gets a call

from the county commissioner and

manages to save his hide the next day.

You heard about that.

Yeah, I might heard something. You know how the tongues wag.

Yeah.

You know, Charlie,

a man can be taken in in a number of ways.

What he sees,

what he doesn't see,

what he forces himself to see.

Then the time comes

when you just got to rub your eyes

and stare at what's right in front of you.

Amen, brother.

Amen.

Floyd, what the hell is wrong with you, man?

You won't get away with this, Floyd.

Striking me in my face like that.

We're talking some serious repercussions, my friend!

Charlie, do me a favor,

Send old Jack Hill around.

I'd love to give him a repeat performance.

Ta-da!

I'm not counting on any bridge, you know.

So we do the best we can.

Beats sitting around.

- Hello? - Hey.

Hey!

- Louise. - Yeah.

Give the General a beer, will you?

Okay.

What can I do for you guys?

Oh, a couple Lone Stars.

Two Lone Stars.

Sorry about the inconvenience, but...

We are in the process of a grand re-opening.

Give it up, friend.

What?

You heard the man.

Floyd?

Huh?

What happened to those two guys?

Let me guess,

last minute, they decided they just wanted directions.

Money.

Money?

We've been hit.

Hit?

We was robbed. They took everything from the register.

Over twelve dollars.

Well...

I'll better get Baytch.

Hello, this is Louise,

would you give me Baytch? It's an emergency.

Louise Taylor, who's this?

It's a blessing in disguise.

Would you look for him, please?

Nothing like an armed robbery

to bring out the paying customers.

They got cleaning man answering the phone over there.

Makes a man feel downright festive.

Yes, sir.

Hey. Baytch. It's Louise over at the Blue Water Grill.

Would you hold on a second?

Floyd?

Floyd!

Hey, Baytch, forget it. It's nothing that won't keep.

I'm sorry to trouble you.

Alright, bye.

Thank you.

Shh.