Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

I want you to realize this world is moving too fast.

Here we got jet planes flying coast to coast in four hours.

Spaceships spinning the Earth every hour.

No, you take my word for it, this world is movin' too fast.

You are absolutely right there.

Floyd!

Watch the scissor!

I don't know, Mayor.

Seems to me, if you're going somewhere,

you ought to get there as quick as you can.

There's a lot of good sense in that, too, Andy.

Floyd, please! The scissor.

How can a man appreciate it

if he gets to where he's goin' too fast?

Now, folks crossing the country in a covered wagon,

that was really something.

But, if they get there in four hours,

how can they appreciate it?

They may not appreciate it, Mayor,

but their clothes sure don't get as wrinkled.

Oh, Andy's got a point there.

Floyd! Are you giving me a haircut

or trying to make the mark of Zorro?

I agree with the mayor.

People are in too much of a hurry nowadays.

What happened to the fine art of settin'?

Just settin' and starin'?

Oh, that's the finest thing in the world.

Set on the porch on a moonlight night

and stare up to the sky.

That's what probably folks will do when they get to the moon.

They'll set on the porch up there and stare down here.

Then why the big rush to the moon?

Maybe they're lookin' for a different porch.

Oh, no! A different porch!

You are a card!

Floyd! For gosh sakes!

For cryin' out loud, be careful!

Well, you're finished anyway.

Thank goodness.

All right, just a second.

Lookin' for a different porch.

Floyd! Do you have to dust me like that?

I'm not a diseased crop.

I'm giving you your money's worth.

All right. Next.

Okay. Ah! Not too short, Floyd. Ah!

Looks like the Nashville bus is comin' through.

Yep. And right on time, too.

Hey, will you look what's getting off that bus?!

Ring-a-ding-ding.

That is what I call a female.

Me, too.

Yes. That's a female, all right.

Right, Andy?

Yep. That's definitely not a boy.

Times like this

I wouldn't mind being a young bachelor.

She's got it, all right.

Barney, you're a bachelor.

You think you could handle a gal like that?

Are you kiddin'?

You think you're talkin' to a country boy?

Shucks, I know just what I'd do with a gal like that.

Well, I'd be inclined to treat a girl like that

a little bit rough.

They expect it, you know.

Let them know right off who's boss.

Rough them up a little bit.

Well, you may get your chance.

She's headed this way.

She's coming right in here.

Hi, there.

I'm looking for the proprietor.

A-are you he?

Uh, uh, uh, yes, ma'am, I-I-I am the proprietor.

Floyd Lawson, proprietor... That's he.

Uh, that's me.

I better get back to city hall.

And I... Uh, I better check and see

if there's been any crime waves or anything.

Uh, well, good-bye, Floyd.

Oh, they don't seem friendly.

Oh, but, ma'am, uh, uh, uh...

Isn't that right, Andy?

Oh, they-they're friendly, ma'am.

They're friendly as can be.

They're just shy.

Oh, well, I'm glad,

because that's the one thing I'm looking for

is a friendly place.

You know, where the people are friendly?

Well, I guess you're wondering

what I'm doing here in Mayberry.

You see, I work in this big-city barber shop

and there was this barber, Pierre,

and he was forever after me to marry him

and I kept saying, "I need time to think."

You know how a girl needs time to think?

Only he didn't think

I needed so much time to think

but I did, and, well...

anyway, we had this big fight, and I just had to go away.

Well, you can see why I had to do that.

Uh, to think.

And besides, I was getting awful tired

of the big city because, you know

it's getting so a girl can't walk down the street anymore

without being whistled at.

Why do men do that? Do you know why men do that?

Oh, I wouldn't have any idea.

Would you, Floyd?

Oh, no, no, no. I-I wouldn't know at all.

And another thing, the big city isn't a very friendly place.

I mean the people and all, they're not friendly.

So, I just decided I'd get on a bus

and the first friendly-lookin' town I came to,

I'd get off and stay there a while and think things over

and do you know this bus that I was on,

when it came to your city limits,

it passed a sign that said,

"Welcome to Mayberry, the friendly town"

and that seemed friendly, so here I am.

Oh, well, we're, uh, we're glad

that you think we're friendly.

Well, I guess you're probably wondering why I came in here.

You see, my chosen profession happens to be I'm a manicurist...

I do nails...

And that's what I was doing in that big city barber shop,

you know, where that Pierre is that wants to marry me

only he doesn't think I need time to think it over, but I do

because a girl needs time to think over a thing like that.

Well, anyway, I thought since I was going to be

in Mayberry a while, I'd be needing a job

so that's why I came right in here to your barber shop

to ask for a job.

A manicurist?

Here? In Mayberry?

Well, that's my chosen profession... I do nails.

Well, uh, uh, yes, of course, uh, but...

Well, uh, ma'am, I-I don't believe

that there'd be much call for a fingernail doin'

here in-in Mayberry.

Yeah. I never heard

of anybody in Mayberry having a manicure.

No. That's right, ma'am.

There just wouldn't be enough work for you.

I mean, well, uh... I couldn't pay, or...

Oh, well, that's the good part.

You don't have to pay anything.

I work strictly on commission.

Well, that's the way we work in my chosen profession.

Now,

I'll just work over here at this table by the window

where I'll be out of your way, and this chair will be for me

and this will be for my customers.

Uh, what customers?

There won't be any customers.

Oh, you just wait and see.

There'll be all kinds of 'em

and anyway, as you say, what have you got to lose?

Wait a minute, I didn't say that.

Oh, well, you will.

Now, I better get over to the hotel and get settled

and I'll be back later for my things

and thanks ever so much for giving me this opportunity.

That's all right, b-but...

You know somethin'? That sign was right.

Mayberry is a friendly town

and that's what I was looking for is a friendly town.

Oh... oh, by the way, my name is Ellen Brown.

Andy! This is ridiculous.

What are you going to do about it?

What am I going to do about it?

Well, Floyd, now manicurin' don't exactly

come under the headin' of a bona fide crime.

But this is revolutionary!

My customers won't take to a drastic thing like this.

A manicurist. Oh, oh...

Now, now, now, now, Floyd, don't have a spell.

It's just a passin' thing.

Yeah?

Sure. It won't take her long to find out

there's no work for her.

I'll give her 24 hours.

But while she's here

she sure is pretty to look at, ain't she?

Yeah? Kinda like a calendar come to life.

Oh, she is. Oh.

What you fellas lookin' at?

Oh... Hi, gang. What's going on?

Look, look... Look over here.

Wh...? It's that girl from the bus.

Is she working in here?

Well, come on in, boys.

What are you standing out there for?

Come on.

Uh, hmm, mm... There.

How do, gentlemen?

Anybody care for a manicure?

How 'bout you, sir?

Uh, no, thank you, I-I-I wouldn't care for one.

Manicure for you, sir?

No, ma'am, no, thanks.

No, thank you.

How about you, Officer?

Me?

Would you like a manicure?

Uh... no. No, thanks.

I, uh... I never, uh, never went in, uh,

for that, uh, kind of thing.

I heard you went rabbit hunting Sunday, Mayor.

Yeah.

How'd you do?

Shot three.

Missed you out there, Sam.

Where were ya?

Fishin'.

Do any good?

Caught a half-dozen trout.

What did you do Sunday, Barney?

Stayed home.

How'd you do?

Caught three.

Not bad.

How's everything in the hardware business, Sam?

Slowest week I've had in three years.

That's nice.

Thinkin' of runnin' a sale

to boost business.

Oh, yeah?

What are you going to put on sale?

Legs.

That's always a good household item.

Sure none of you gentlemen would like a manicure?

Now is the time.

I find I have an openin'.

Well, no, I... No, I...

Hi, fellas.

Well, gone already, huh?

I told you that little ol' girl wouldn't last 24 hours.

Imagine her thinking anybody in Mayberry

would let a girl cut their fingernails

and paint 'em and all.

Ain't that a laugh?

Why, I'd no more think... Uh, howdy.

You know what I think?

I think this isn't a very friendly town after all

and I think you've got a nerve puttin' up a sign

sayin' that it is.

Well, ma'am, I didn't know... Excuse me,

but I distinctly heard you say

I wouldn't last more than 24 hours here.

Well, just to make sure you're not wrong,

I'll get my things together

and I'll just get back on that bus, and...

and I'll just keep on travelin'

till I find a town that is friendly.

Nice goin', Sheriff.

Good-bye, Mr. Lawson and thank you.

Oh... sorry it didn't turn out well.

I'm real sorry.

Oh, well, that's all right.

I just thought that...

Where you going?

I'm going to wait

for the bus, if you don't mind.

Well, uh, that don't seem like very good business

to leave when you got a... a customer.

I don't see a customer.

Me.

Floyd, if your manicurist

has got a open appointment

why, I'd like to get me a manicure.

Huh? You mean you would...?

Well, just a minute, then, Andy.

Get your things.

Oh, yeah.

Gee whiz.

It's good of you to do this, Andy.

You're a real prince of a fellow, that's what you are.

A real prince.

Uh, manicurist?

Yeah.

Ah... a real prince.

Well... oh, manicurist?

Front and center.

Ah...

Uh, they're... they're a mess, ain't they?

I generally cut 'em myself.

My Aunt Bee's got a good-sized pair

o' dressmaking scissors that I use...

or I might just use her poultry shears.

Sometimes I just set out in the backyard

and clip 'em with the hedge clipper.

Don't get 'em down too far.

I want... I want to leave

a little bit for scratchin'.

A real prince.

Andy, what's she doin' to you?

She's just givin' me a manicure

like any cultured gentleman ought to get.

Okay?

Yeah.

You're next.

What?

Just be glad you're a cultured gentleman.

Sit down.

But, Andy... You'll enjoy it.

But I... Yes, you will.

As my deputy, I want you to look nice

right down to the fingernails.

Now, Andy, I... That's a order.

Well... There you are, Miss.

Why, thank you.

And may I say

I have never had a finer manicure.

There you are, Floyd.

Thank you.

Sheriff? Hmm?

And I really do mean thank you.

Well, yes'm.

See y'all later.

Andy? Um... Uh, Andy...? Andy!

Um... uh...

What?

Well, let me have your hand.

I won't hurt you.

Honest.

What's the matter?

It makes my skin crawl.

I'll be real careful.

Well, be extra careful with that one.

That's my trigger finger.

You damage that

and I might as well quit the business.

Well, right.

I'll only do nine.

Not frightened anymore?

Nah. Feels kinda good.

Do this one.

Howdy, fellas.

What's up?

Andy, look.

How 'bout that?

Do you believe it when you see it?

It's just Deputy Fife gettin' a manicure.

What about it?

Well, "just"?

Well, ain't everybody gettin' 'em?

I know I got mine.

You? Got a manicure?

Well, sure. Lookit there.

You ever see fingers come out so even?

Can't bite 'em down that good.

Yeah, but nobody ever had a manicure before in Mayberry.

Oh, well, that's 'cause

they didn't know what they was missin'.

You know what the best part is, don't you?

No. No.

Havin' a purty girl like Ellen

hold your hand the whole time.

She, uh... she sure is a looker, all right.

There's no doubt about that.

Oh-ho-ho-ho, she is, and she wears the purtiest perfume.

Oh, it's just a pleasure

to sit there beside of her and breathe.

Why don't you go in and wait your turn?

Oh, I don't know.

I... I'm not so sure

how the little woman would take it if I...

Oh, you, uh... scared of your wife, are you, Mayor?

Oh, no. Of course not.

She's breathes heavy and he jumps a mile.

Now, that's not true!

If I wanted to go in and get a manicure, I'd just do it.

Why don't ya?

Yeah. Why don't ya?

Why don't you? Why don't you?

Maybe I will. Maybe I will, too.

All right, let's both go.

Okay with me.

Me, too.

You go first.

I'll put you down for 5:00.

Fine, thank you.

We may have to work overtime.

Oh, my, this is a friendly town after all.

There you are. Next.

Next. Next

Mornin', Floyd.

How's everything?

Awful, just awful.

What's the matter?

Well, it started last night...

Call after call canceling the appointments

and then more this morning.

Well, she is going to think this is an unfriendly town now.

Who can blame her?

Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean,

they're canceling manicure appointments?

Yes, right and left.

I'll bet you there won't be

one single appointment kept today.

Well, what happened?

Wives. They don't like the idea

of their husbands havin' their hands held

by a pretty young thing like Miss Ellen.

Something we should've thought of, ain't it?

Oh, I don't know what to tell her now.

Gee whiz! Things were goin' along so well and everything.

This is just where we started.

This is going to destroy her faith in this town, Andy.

Uh... Say, Andy... Hmm?

You're awful good with words.

How 'bout you tell her?

No. Now, Floyd, I can't do...

Oh, there you are, Floyd.

They told me you were here.

Well, yes, but I've got to get back to my shop.

Oh, but something's come up.

I have to talk to you.

Just talk to Andy.

Uh, Floyd, uh...

Uh, Ellen, won't you, uh...

Won't you, uh, sit down?

Well... thank you.

But I did want to talk to Floyd

because something very important has come up.

You see, when I first came to Mayberry,

I wanted time to think

and I thought this would be

a friendly town in which to do that, and...

Well, well, i-i-it is a friendly town, Miss Ellen.

You've got to believe that,

but, uh, there's somethin' that, uh, that I want you

to... to, uh, understand.

There is?

Yes, there is.

Now, uh, I... I don't know whether you...

whether you know this or not, but, uh...

well, uh... nature's been good to you.

I mean real, real, real good.

I can't remember when I've seen nature spend

so much time on any one person.

And, well, what I'm, uh, tryin' to tell you

is that, uh, bein' as pretty as you are

and as unattached as you are, well, uh...

you can be a pretty worrisome thing

to other, married women.

I can?

Yes, you can.

You can.

The fact is, uh,

some of the married women here in Mayberry

are afraid that you're gonna

steal their husbands away from 'em.

Oh, well, that's silly.

I'd never do a thing like that.

Oh, I know. I know you wouldn't,

I know you wouldn't,

but it sure would help matters a lot

if you was to be married yourself.

And then, see, the wives here

wouldn't feel so uncomfortable

about you holdin' their husbands' hands.

You get what I'm drivin' at?

Why, Sheriff Taylor,

that is the sweetest proposal I have ever heard.

Fine, fine!

What was that last thing you...?

I said that is the sweetest proposal I have ever heard.

Ellen, I... I...

You're askin' me to marry you.

Ellen, I, uh... I...

Imagine me the wife of a sheriff!

Ellen, I... I...

It's a good thing you didn't tell me

all this yesterday,

or I might really have been confused.

Well, I... But the fact is, I cannot accept your proposal of marriage

because I called Pierre and told him

to come and get me,

as I have thought it over

and I have agreed to become his wife.

Well, that's what I wanted to tell Floyd...

That I can't work in his shop anymore because

Pierre's comin' to get me on the afternoon bus

but it was terribly sweet of you to ask me.

Why, that's the most flatterin' thing

that's ever happened to me

and even though I'm married to Pierre,

I'll always have fond memories of you.

Well!

I better get back to the hotel and get packed.

Good-bye, and thanks again.

Well, hi, Barney.

Hi. Hi...

Bye, Barney.

Ain't we lucky to be livin'

in such a friendly town?

Wasn't anything Floyd could do

what with Ellen leaving and all.

Yeah, but it wasn't fair.

Gettin' a fella used to having a manicurist

and cuttin' it off like that.

Become an addict, did you?

Oh, no.

It's not that I can't... Andy, look.

Good ol' Floyd. He's got another one.

I'll be dogged.

Where's the manicurist?

The sign says... She'll be right out.

Manicurist?

Well, you had to bow

to popular demand, did you, Floyd?

If John Q. Public wants it, I give it to him.

Manicurist! Customer.

Remember, I'm first now.

Okay.

This time I don't want any trouble with jealous wives.

But... but what does Emma Watson know about manicuring?

Why, look, she never had any experience

in her life.

Oh, stop blabbering and give me your hand.