Original subtitles

Starring Andy Griffith...

with Ronny Howard.

Also starring Don Knotts.

Well, what happened, Fletch?

The old truck finally poop out?

No.

Well, what happened, Fletch?

Was it an accident?

Yeah.

I didn't exactly figure

you was mixing salad right here

in the middle of the highway.

How'd it happen?

Whoosh!

Sideswiped, huh?

Yeah.

Reckless driver, huh?

You know who done it?

No.

What kind of car was it?

White.

Well, did you notice who was driving it?

Yup.

Ever seen him before?

No.

Dadburn it, Fletch. If you don't start

stringin' a few words together,

we're gonna be here till suppertime.

I ain't even had my lunch yet.

Now, how'd it happen?

Young squirt come tearing by here

in one of them newfangled convertible jobs.

Drove me clean off into the ditch.

I'd just like to get my both hands on his neck

for about two seconds.

I'd sure show him what for.

Uh-huh. Better rest awhile, Fletch.

You must be all wrung out from all that jabbering.

Hi, there, young fella.

Hi.

Nice car.

Thanks.

Well, if you officers will excuse me,

I'm going to cut out.

I just, uh... stopped to check my tires.

You, uh... you always drive around

with celery in your car?

I happen to like celery.

That's nice.

Now all you have to do is sideswipe a salt truck,

and you'll be all set, won't you?

Well, that's pretty sharp for a country cop.

Much obliged.

Don't do that.

Let's run him in, Andy.

You take him. I'll take charge of the crime car.

Crime car?!

Oh, look, I've got to be in Miami by...

If it's not too much trouble,

may I see your driver's license?

This is a real drag.

I promise not to get it dirty.

Let's have it.

"Ronald Bailey. 19."

Kind of young to go tearing around the country

in one of these speed wagons, running trucks off the road,

ain't it?

He wasn't off the road.

Look, what's it going to take

to square with Old MacDonald, huh?

How much?

Well, come on.

How much? 50... 100 bucks?

Well, come on. I want to get going.

Now, look here. Leaving the scene

of an accident is a serious offense.

There could've been somebody hurt in that truck.

Nobody was hurt, and nobody is going to be hurt

if we just drop the whole thing.

Wait. What was that

you said about "nobody is gonna be hurt"?

Sheriff...

maybe I better straighten you out.

Like it says right there on the license:

My name is Bailey.

My father is John Judson Bailey.

You have heard of him.

Yeah. We've heard of him.

Well, then, I guess you know that my dad can have

just about anything he wants in this state

including, uh... that Junior G-man badge of yours.

Nevertheless, I'm holding you

for leaving the scene of an accident.

Circuit judge will be by in a few days.

And, at that time, you can present your case.

I'm afraid we're gonna have to detain you till then.

Jail? What about my father?

Oh, he can come see you anytime.

Visiting hours are from 2:00 to 4:00.

What do you mean, you can't find my father?

Well, call Dad's attorney!

Tell him I'm... I'm in some hokey-pokey jail.

I don't know!

Some one-horse town called Mayberry.

Well, you tell him to get down here quick.

There ya go.

Hi, young fella.

Barney gone already, huh?

Well... come on.

Where we going?

Fishin'.

What?

I promised my young 'un

I'd take him fishin'.

Barney's watching bicycles

down at the movie house,

and I got nobody to stay here,

so you're gonna have to go with us.

What if I don't want to go?

Well, I'm afraid you got no choice in the matter.

Let's go.

Oh, and, uh, I know

you won't try anything foolish

like trying to get away.

Oh, don't you worry

about me trying to get away.

Good.

Yeah. I don't want to miss the fun

when my dad sends one of his men down here

to straighten you out.

Come on.

Come on.

I got one!

I got one!

Play him, Ope. Play him.

I think he's playing me, Paw.

Come on. Reel him in. Go on.

You got him, you got him.

The other way. That's right.

Reel him in, reel him in... Whoa!

A whopper.

Look at that. Wow! Look at him.

He's fightin', too, ain't he?

Boy, he's a monster.

Ain't he though? Phew!

Boy. You know what?

Maybe we'd better throw him back,

'cause I don't believe

that we've got a frying pan that big.

Come on, Paw.

Boy. Here. Hold my pole

while I bait my young 'un's line.

Yeah, Ope, I believe that's the biggest fish you ever caught.

I don't know.

Oh, yeah. It was big.

Won't he be good to eat?

But I think we ought to save it

for our Sunday dinner.

You think so?

There you go.

Hey, Ope, how about a sandwich?

I believe I will.

All right. Let's all have one.

Let's see what Aunt Bee's fixed us here.

Let's see what this is.

Oh, ham. Ham.

Mmm-mm! Oh, boy.

Hey! Hey, I think I got something.

That ain't no little ordinary catfish.

Don't let him get away!

Play him! Play him!

I'm playing him. Come on.

Oh, look at that.

You want him?

Let me have it. Let me have it.

Would you look at that? He no more got his line in the water

'fore he caught hisself a fish.

Takes you longer than that, don't it. Paw?

It sure does. Sometimes I'll come out here

and sit as much as a half a day without even a nibble.

Yeah?

You already got a nice one.

And a pretty good size one, too, huh, Paw?

You'd better know it.

You're a better man than I am.

What's the matter?

Oh, you think you're real cute, don't you, Sheriff?

How's that?

Well, come on. I'm wise.

You think you can butter me up...

Make me feel real good...

And I'll ask my dad to go easy on you.

Well, it won't work, so just forget it!

How do you like that?

He just let him get away.

Yup. I'm afraid the fish ain't

the only one that got away.

Hey, cut that racket out, will ya?

I said quiet!

Quiet!

For Pete's sake!

How's a person supposed to get any sleep around here

with that gosh-awful racket going on?

Take it easy, Deputy.

I was just trying to amuse myself.

I didn't know I was going to be stuck in some hick jail

on a Saturday night.

Yeah? Well, that's just too bad about you,

but it just so happens it's 10:30,

and respectable folks are home in bed

and asleep by now, so go to sleep!

Hey, this town really swings, doesn't it, Deputy?

How's that?

Doesn't anybody in this town like to swing?

'Course. We got lots of swings.

We just don't use 'em at night.

Hey, what are you doing in my cell?

Your cell?

That's right.

That's been my cell every Saturday night

for the past umpteen years.

Now, will you kindly get out?

Are you kidding me?

I am not kidding you.

And, if you don't remove yourself,

I am going to call a policeman.

This is ridiculous.

Okay, wise guy.

Police! Police! Police!

Police! Police!

What's going on out...?

Oh, Otis, it's you.

You have to make so much racket

when you come in?

Officer, arrest this man.

What?

He's trespassing on my property.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

A citizen's property's got to be protected

against prowlers and trespassers.

That's the law.

Otis, will you just pipe down?

Go to sleep in that other cell.

I just can't sleep in a strange room.

All right.

Let's get some sleep around here.

Come on, boy. Let's put your things in that other cell.

Oh, now, just a minute!

You mean to tell me

that you intend to accommodate this guy

and give him any cell he wants?

Well, he's an old customer.

I suppose it's no more than right.

Get that light, will ya?

Oh, they'll never believe this when I tell 'em.

Uh, never believe what?

I have never seen such a bunch of kooks in my whole life.

Yeah?

Well, they won't take money when I offer it to them.

You treat a drunk like somebody important...

Oh, man, is this a laugh.

Yeah, well, you'll be laughing

out of the other side of your mouth

when you go to answerin' that charge of reckless drivin'.

You'll see about that.

Oh, Otis.

Hey, give me a hand here.

All right, now, this is it!

I don't want no more disturbance out here, you understand?

It's lights out!

All right. Let's try and get some sleep around here.

Barney! Barney!

Barney. Barney?

What is it, Otis?

I can't get to sleep.

All right.

Oh, that Andy Gump.

Morning, Barn.

Oh, morning, And.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

All set?

Yeah. All set.

Okay. Let's go, young fella.

What are you doing?

We're closing.

You're what?

We're closing.

We always close on Sunday.

You're closing the jail?

That's right.

Well, where are we going?

We're going home and eat dinner.

Aunt Bee's fixing Sunday dinner.

And you always take the prisoners with you?

Yeah.

You taking him, too?

If he wants to go.

I doubt he's slept enough.

Hey, Otis? Otis.

Otis? Wake up. Wake up, Otis.

We're going home and eat dinner.

You want to come?

Oh, no, thanks, Andy.

I think I'll stay; get a little more shut-eye.

After a while, I want to wash out a few things

and write some letters.

Okay. Suit yourself.

Come on.

Just a minute, Sheriff.

Hmm?

I got a call in to my father.

He'll try and reach me.

He won't be able to find me.

Oh, that's right.

Otis will take a message.

You'll take a message, won't you, Otis? Yeah.

Be sure and take any other phone messages.

All right. Okay.

And be sure the lights are out.

Okay.

Okay, and... and lock up.

Yeah, yeah.

And be sure all the windows are closed.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Bye, Otis. Bye.

See you next Saturday night.

Have a nice dinner.

We'll say hello to Aunt Bee for you.

You do that, yes.

I thought they'd never leave.

Sure was good to eat, Aunt Bee.

Oh, was it ever.

Oh, it was good, if I do say so myself.

But you didn't have to stuff yourselves, you know,

Couldn't help it. Couldn't help it.

Look at that.

Corporation's really growing, isn't it?

Ron, did you enjoy your dinner?

Oh, yes, ma'am. It was fine.

Well, I think I'll get the ice cream freezer.

Oh, yeah. We want to make some ice cream.

Come on, Barney. Give me a hand.

You can buy it in the store.

What do you want to make it for?

Didn't you ever eat any homemade ice cream?

No.

Well, you're in for a treat.

Yeah.

Paw?

Hmm?

You in a good mood?

Yeah. Why?

If I tell you somethin',

would you promise not to get mad?

Well, that all depends.

What is it?

Well, it ain't hardly worth mentionin',

but I think I better mention it.

You know that ol' window on Mrs. Purdy's back door?

Yeah.

Someone threw a ball, and busted it.

Hmm.

Would you, by any chance, be that someone?

Are you mad, Paw?

No. No, I'm not mad.

Promise you won't get mad.

You won't get an allowance

till that window's paid for okay?

Okay, Paw.

Make way for the ice cream.

Oh, boy!

And strawberries to go in it.

Come on, Ope.

Give him a hand, Ope.

Okay, Barney.

Sheriff?

Huh?

Weren't you sort of rough on the kid?

How's that?

Well... why, why don't you bail the little fella out?

Bail him out?

Well, yeah. It's just a window.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Yeah, yeah. I guess I could,

uh... "bail him out," like you say,

but the only... only trouble with that...

If, uh, if I was to do that,

why, every time he'd get in trouble,

he'd be expectin' me to come to the rescue,

don't you see?

This time, it's a broken window.

Later on, it'd be something bigger,

and then something bigger'n that.

No, he's got... he's got to learn

to stand on his own two legs now.

Oh, I got to keep that young 'un straight.

Oh, excuse me.

I got to help with the ice cream.

How's it going there?

Oh, great.

Opie's doing a great job.

Good. When you going to put them strawberries in, Aunt Bee?

Not till just toward the last.

Did you ever hear the one about...?

Andy?

What's up, Barney?

I believe the boy's daddy's arrived.

Oh?

Yeah. A big, black limousine just pulled up...

One of them big jobs. Yeah.

Sheriff Taylor?

Arthur Harrington.

I'm J.J. Bailey's attorney.

Oh, well, glad to see you.

Hi, Mr. Harrington.

Oh, Ron... are you all right, my boy?

I'm fine.

Good. We'll have you out of here in a matter of seconds.

Sheriff, I want to compliment you

for being so conscientious in upholding the law.

Oh, well, thank you.

The boy made a little mistake.

You taught him his lesson,

and I'm sure we can let it go at that.

Sheriff, you can release him.

I'll assume full responsibility.

Oh, well, that-that's fine, Mr. Harrington

but, uh, being a expert lawyer,

you-you understand I can't just let the boy go.

I mean, there's-there's legalities and paperwork

and stuff like that.

Why, of course.

We don't mind waiting, Sheriff.

How long do you think it'll take?

'Bout two days.

That's when Judge Parker will be here for the trial.

I see.

And you don't think

that you could possibly see your way to...?

Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't do that. No. Uh-uh.

Well...

I was hoping we could do this the easy way.

However... would you come in, please?

I want to ask you a few questions, Mr. Dilbeck.

Wouldn't you say that that old truck of yours

is a traffic hazard?

And, furthermore, isn't it true

that you were driving on the wrong side of the road,

and that the Bailey boy did not hit you?

In fact, you sideswiped his car.

Therefore, it was your fault and not his.

Isn't that true, Mr. Dilbeck?

What do you say, Fletch?

Go on. Tell him it's true.

Well, Sheriff, what do you say to that?

Well, I'll say I hope Fletch enjoys his new truck,

'cause I got a feelin' he's gonna be a-drivin' one.

All right, Mr. Harrington, you win.

Now, just a second, Mr. Harrington.

That's not the way it happened.

Huh?

The accident was my fault.

Now, Ron, you leave this to me.

No. I'd rather not leave it to you.

Look, boy, I'm trying to help.

I know that, Mr. Harrington, but the fact is...

What are you trying to say?

Well, it... it's very difficult to put into words.

It's just that it didn't happen the way you say.

Your father will never understand this.

Yeah, I know that.

What can I possibly tell him?

Uh... why don't you tell Mr. Bailey

that the boy busted a window

and wants to stand on his own two legs?

You know, Andy, these young fellas today,

they really get me.

Huh?

Oh, the way they worship the almighty dollar.

Some of them do that, all right.

Yeah, they think that big wad of dough

can get them anything.

But, you know, I got a saying.

Money isn't everything.

That's your saying? Yeah.

Tell you one thing, that big wad of dough

sure helps the fellas out with them girls, don't it?

Now, there's where you're wrong.

I could pick that phone up right now,

call Juanita down at the diner for a date,

tell her right off I wasn't gonna spend

a nickel on her, it wouldn't matter.

Yeah? Hmm. Let's see you do it.

Huh?

Call Juanita up.

All right, I will. Hold that.

Hello, Sarah. Get me 242.

It's all a matter of technique, Andy.

It's not money.

Smooth, you know?

Juanita?

Barn.

How are you?

Uh... Yeah, go ahead.

Somebody spilled some soup on the counter,

and she's wiping it up.

Juanita? Barn again.

Hi, there.

Listen, I was just, uh...

just wondering what you were doing tonight.

Well, I don't know. I thought I'd drop by.

Oh, we could set around for a while,

then maybe go for a ride in the squad car.

Might even let you play with the siren.

Then we can come back, set around some more,

maybe play a little two-handed Post Office.

But the point is, it'll just be you and me all alone.

Hello? Hello?

Nita?

How do you like that?

We got cut off.

Let's call her back right now.

Andy... Sarah? Sarah?

Get me 242 again. We was cut off.

Oh. Juanita?

This is Andy Taylor over at the Sheriff's Office.

Barney was just calling you about getting on a...

Hello? Hello?

You're right.

Money ain't everything.

It just is to Juanita.