Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,312 --> 00:00:06,646
Well, if the big man wants
a new scoreboard...
2
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,949
I don't wanna be the one
to tell him no.
3
00:00:09,027 --> 00:00:11,789
No one in the park is gonna be able
to see it from there.
4
00:00:11,863 --> 00:00:15,831
Well, why don't we just
put a monitor in the skybox?
5
00:00:16,368 --> 00:00:18,026
Hey, George...
6
00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:21,001
the ocean called.
They're running out of shrimp.
7
00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:35,019
"The ocean called.
They're running out of shrimp."
8
00:00:35,086 --> 00:00:37,017
You got your shrimp.
9
00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:43,291
Oh, yes.
That's what I should have said.
10
00:00:43,361 --> 00:00:45,088
Damn it!
11
00:00:49,634 --> 00:00:51,998
"The ocean called,
they're running out of shrimp"?
12
00:00:52,103 --> 00:00:54,068
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
but then I said to him:
13
00:00:54,139 --> 00:00:57,766
"Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk store called,
and they're running out of you."
14
00:00:58,610 --> 00:01:01,076
Really? That's great.
You said that to him?
15
00:01:01,146 --> 00:01:04,443
Well, actually, I thought it up
on the way over here.
16
00:01:04,516 --> 00:01:06,675
Oh, that's not quite the same.
17
00:01:06,751 --> 00:01:08,842
No, no, it's not.
18
00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:12,922
You don't know this guy.
It would have been so sweet.
19
00:01:12,991 --> 00:01:15,457
- I'm gonna grab a can of balls.
- All right.
20
00:01:15,527 --> 00:01:18,858
Hello. My name is Milos.
How can I help you?
21
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:20,122
I need a can of balls.
22
00:01:20,198 --> 00:01:23,790
A can of balls for the nice guy.
23
00:01:24,636 --> 00:01:28,103
You don't plan to hit these balls
with that racket, do you?
24
00:01:33,711 --> 00:01:35,745
Checking out the staff picks,
Miss Benes?
25
00:01:35,814 --> 00:01:36,903
Oh, hey.
26
00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:40,142
This Vincent guy,
he is the best.
27
00:01:40,218 --> 00:01:42,115
He and I have
the same taste in movies.
28
00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:44,915
Well, Vincent is an art-house goon.
29
00:01:44,989 --> 00:01:46,750
I stick to the Gene rack.
30
00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:51,555
Gene? Oh, he's so stupid
and mainstream.
31
00:01:51,629 --> 00:01:54,493
I've seen all of these,
so I went with the Kramer pick.
32
00:01:54,566 --> 00:01:57,726
The Other Side of Darkness.
I never heard of that one.
33
00:01:57,802 --> 00:02:00,132
Yeah, it went straight to video.
34
00:02:01,739 --> 00:02:03,602
That makes me the premiere.
35
00:02:07,846 --> 00:02:10,813
Jerry? Have you ever seen the movie
The Other Side of Darkness?
36
00:02:10,882 --> 00:02:13,314
- No.
- It's about this woman in a coma.
37
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:18,353
Well, I couldn't finish watching it,
so I want you to read this.
38
00:02:18,923 --> 00:02:20,422
"I, Cosmo Kramer...
39
00:02:20,492 --> 00:02:23,891
having just seen the movie
The Other Side of Darkness...
40
00:02:23,962 --> 00:02:28,294
and not wanting to be in a coma
like that lady in the movie...
41
00:02:28,366 --> 00:02:31,367
hereby want Jerry Seinfeld to
remove my life support...
42
00:02:31,436 --> 00:02:37,031
feeding machine, lung blower,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera."
43
00:02:37,108 --> 00:02:39,142
- Can you do that for me?
- I don't know if...
44
00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:42,177
what you have here constitutes
a legally binding document.
45
00:02:42,247 --> 00:02:44,042
Well, I'm gonna type it up.
46
00:02:44,482 --> 00:02:47,380
Yes, of course, but even so,
you may wanna talk to a lawyer.
47
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:50,779
Yeah, well, Jackie Chiles,
he put a restraining order on me.
48
00:02:50,855 --> 00:02:53,617
I'm not allowed within 200 feet
of his office.
49
00:02:53,691 --> 00:02:55,952
I couldn't even give him
his Christmas present.
50
00:02:57,095 --> 00:02:58,594
Oh, hey, new racket, huh?
51
00:02:58,663 --> 00:03:02,358
Yeah, I wasn't gonna get it, but this
guy, Milos, who runs the pro shop...
52
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:03,761
he really recommended it.
53
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:06,369
In fact, it's the only racket
he plays with.
54
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,903
You're not gonna need
this anymore.
55
00:03:10,708 --> 00:03:12,935
Hey, this is the Z page
of my address book.
56
00:03:13,011 --> 00:03:16,137
Oh, yeah, I put all your Z's on
the weights-and-measures page.
57
00:03:24,155 --> 00:03:30,194
Bravo, Vincent. Bravo.
58
00:03:35,266 --> 00:03:38,597
- What?
- Did you enjoy the movie?
59
00:03:39,037 --> 00:03:41,105
Who is this?
60
00:03:41,472 --> 00:03:43,472
It's Vincent.
61
00:03:43,541 --> 00:03:46,439
Of Vincent's picks?
62
00:03:46,578 --> 00:03:48,373
The same.
63
00:03:51,616 --> 00:03:53,445
He called you?
64
00:03:53,618 --> 00:03:55,515
Must have got my number
off the computer.
65
00:03:55,587 --> 00:03:57,587
We ended up talking
for like two hours.
66
00:03:57,655 --> 00:03:59,689
To a guy you've never met?
67
00:03:59,757 --> 00:04:02,587
Your screening process is getting
ever more rigorous.
68
00:04:03,528 --> 00:04:06,222
I'm trying to meet him.
He's never at the video store.
69
00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:08,297
They said he sets his own hours.
70
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:12,330
- Little help! Hey.
- Here.
71
00:04:12,403 --> 00:04:14,334
Thank you.
72
00:04:14,706 --> 00:04:18,572
Oh, my God, that guy is terrible.
73
00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:22,136
Hey, how come we played at this
crummy place instead of your club?
74
00:04:22,213 --> 00:04:24,543
George used up
all my guest passes already.
75
00:04:25,783 --> 00:04:27,612
- Come on.
- Thank you.
76
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:30,914
Here you go.
77
00:04:33,458 --> 00:04:34,786
Milos?
78
00:04:35,093 --> 00:04:38,720
Oh, hey. How you doing?
79
00:04:41,065 --> 00:04:47,263
Okay. We should wrap it up here.
80
00:04:51,175 --> 00:04:53,175
So he's bad. What do you care?
81
00:04:53,244 --> 00:04:56,040
Elaine, I paid $200 for this racket...
82
00:04:56,114 --> 00:04:59,149
because he said
it's the only one he plays with.
83
00:04:59,217 --> 00:05:01,308
He could have played just as well
with a log.
84
00:05:04,022 --> 00:05:07,558
Hey. All right, I talked to
this lawyer guy, Shellbach.
85
00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:10,751
He's gonna set me up, but you gotta
come with me to be the executor.
86
00:05:10,828 --> 00:05:12,418
The executor of what?
87
00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:14,963
Kramer wants to die with dignity.
88
00:05:15,233 --> 00:05:17,324
There's a feather in your cap.
89
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:20,965
I don't wanna be a vegetable, Elaine.
I just want out.
90
00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:28,173
Sometimes in life,
the gods smile upon you, my friends.
91
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:32,115
Did you get someone to take
that Canadian quarter?
92
00:05:33,518 --> 00:05:35,643
I got another meeting with Reilly...
93
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:39,688
a whole new audience, and I bet
I can get him to try that line again.
94
00:05:39,757 --> 00:05:41,119
Who's Reilly?
95
00:05:41,192 --> 00:05:44,056
George was scarfing shrimp
at this meeting, and this guy says:
96
00:05:44,162 --> 00:05:47,060
"Hey, George, the ocean called.
They're running out of shrimp."
97
00:05:52,904 --> 00:05:54,562
Listen to the comeback:
98
00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:59,369
"Oh, yeah? Well, the jerk store called.
They're running out of you."
99
00:06:02,213 --> 00:06:04,008
What? You gotta be kidding me.
100
00:06:04,082 --> 00:06:05,945
How about this one? How about:
101
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:10,611
"Your cranium called.
It's got some space to rent."
102
00:06:12,390 --> 00:06:14,481
- What does that mean?
- Hey, here you go:
103
00:06:14,559 --> 00:06:17,253
"Hey, Reilly, the zoo called.
You're due back by 6."
104
00:06:17,328 --> 00:06:20,659
No, no, no, you're not helping me.
105
00:06:20,732 --> 00:06:25,326
Look, just tell him you had sex
with his wife. That'll get him.
106
00:06:26,204 --> 00:06:28,772
I'm not looking for another line.
I got the line.
107
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:30,908
Look, George, just think about it,
you know?
108
00:06:30,975 --> 00:06:33,475
You're married, how would you feel
if somebody says...
109
00:06:33,544 --> 00:06:35,168
- they just had sex...
- You see?
110
00:06:35,246 --> 00:06:37,439
This is why I hate writing
with a large group.
111
00:06:37,515 --> 00:06:40,448
Everybody has their own opinions,
and it all gets homogenized...
112
00:06:40,518 --> 00:06:42,313
and you lose the whole edge of it.
113
00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:46,786
I'm going with "jerk store."
"Jerk store" is the line.
114
00:06:47,191 --> 00:06:50,727
Jerk store. Yes.
115
00:07:00,171 --> 00:07:02,136
Did you take this out of
the garbage?
116
00:07:02,206 --> 00:07:04,069
It's still got spring in the strings.
117
00:07:04,142 --> 00:07:06,733
Oh, Jerry, this is a piece of junk.
118
00:07:06,811 --> 00:07:09,277
How are you gonna be
the executor of my living will?
119
00:07:09,347 --> 00:07:12,109
You see, you can't let go.
120
00:07:13,885 --> 00:07:19,013
Trust me, Kramer, given the
legal opportunity, I will kill you.
121
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:21,383
I wish I could believe you.
122
00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:24,590
Hey, Elaine, do you have
some free time tomorrow afternoon?
123
00:07:24,662 --> 00:07:26,593
- Me?
- Yeah, because you're perfect.
124
00:07:26,664 --> 00:07:28,959
You're a calculating,
cold-hearted business woman.
125
00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:32,660
When there's dirty work to be done,
you don't mind stomping on throats.
126
00:07:32,737 --> 00:07:35,397
Oh, come on.
127
00:07:37,208 --> 00:07:40,505
Situation number four:
You're breathing on your own...
128
00:07:40,578 --> 00:07:43,841
you're conscious,
but with no muscular function.
129
00:07:44,182 --> 00:07:46,147
Well, would I be able to
communicate?
130
00:07:46,217 --> 00:07:48,251
I don't see how.
131
00:07:50,188 --> 00:07:52,017
I don't like the sound of this one.
132
00:07:52,089 --> 00:07:54,453
Yeah, let's pull the cord, huh?
133
00:07:54,525 --> 00:07:58,356
Yank it like you're starting a mower.
134
00:07:59,463 --> 00:08:01,690
Moving on.
135
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:05,027
You have liver, kidneys
and gallbladder...
136
00:08:05,102 --> 00:08:07,329
but no central nervous system.
137
00:08:11,542 --> 00:08:14,338
Well, I gotta have
a central nervous system.
138
00:08:14,478 --> 00:08:20,016
Okay. One lung, blind,
and you're eating through a tube.
139
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,978
No, that's not my style.
140
00:08:23,054 --> 00:08:25,554
Boring.
141
00:08:25,923 --> 00:08:30,050
All right. You can eat,
but machines do everything else.
142
00:08:33,197 --> 00:08:35,026
I'd stick.
143
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:39,696
Yeah, yeah, stick, because
I could still go to the coffee shop.
144
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,360
That's right.
145
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:45,933
- Hello, Milos.
- Jerry.
146
00:08:46,010 --> 00:08:47,475
Thank God you got my message.
147
00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:50,637
Thank you so much
for coming down here. Listen...
148
00:08:50,715 --> 00:08:52,407
You know, I spent $200
on a racket...
149
00:08:52,483 --> 00:08:54,778
I thought you knew
what you were talking about.
150
00:08:54,852 --> 00:08:56,419
You can't even play.
151
00:08:56,487 --> 00:08:58,714
Believe me,
it is Milos' great shame...
152
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:03,223
but, Jerry, I could lose my business
if anybody find out.
153
00:09:03,294 --> 00:09:06,886
How would you like extra year
membership on the club?
154
00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:09,862
- Free, no charge.
- You could do that?
155
00:09:10,401 --> 00:09:12,435
Jerry, for you, anything.
156
00:09:19,644 --> 00:09:21,905
Game, set and match, huh, Milos?
157
00:09:23,915 --> 00:09:25,539
Jerry, I'm so sorry.
158
00:09:25,616 --> 00:09:28,810
They tell me there is no way
they can do it.
159
00:09:28,886 --> 00:09:32,581
Is there anything else I could
do for you? Anything at all?
160
00:09:32,657 --> 00:09:34,054
I refund your money.
161
00:09:34,125 --> 00:09:36,090
Milos, I don't even care
about the money.
162
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,854
I just feel like I was taken
by the worst tennis player...
163
00:09:41,365 --> 00:09:43,092
I make it up to you.
164
00:09:43,167 --> 00:09:44,598
Yeah, you make it up to me.
165
00:09:46,904 --> 00:09:48,403
Tennis, anyone?
166
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,874
Oh, this is the one
Vincent told me about.
167
00:09:56,347 --> 00:09:58,881
The Pain and the Yearning.
168
00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:04,014
"An old woman experiences
pain and yearning."
169
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,852
A hundred and ninety-two minutes?
170
00:10:08,426 --> 00:10:10,517
That's a lot of yearning, huh?
171
00:10:11,228 --> 00:10:12,886
You know, these movies are great...
172
00:10:12,964 --> 00:10:15,999
but they are just
so emotionally exhausting.
173
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:19,534
Well, what you need is some
summertime adolescent high jinks.
174
00:10:19,603 --> 00:10:23,503
- Really?
- Let's see what Dr. Gene prescribes.
175
00:10:23,574 --> 00:10:28,805
Oh, here. Weekend at Bernie's II.
Now, that's an hilarious premise.
176
00:10:29,914 --> 00:10:31,208
- Well...
- Yeah, get it.
177
00:10:31,282 --> 00:10:34,010
- Yeah, I could use a chuckle.
- Yeah.
178
00:10:34,352 --> 00:10:35,817
- What are you getting?
- Nothing.
179
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,454
I'm gonna finish watching
The Other Side of Darkness.
180
00:10:38,522 --> 00:10:41,182
- How much you got left?
- About two hours.
181
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:44,259
Yeah, she shot in that coma
pretty quick.
182
00:10:47,498 --> 00:10:50,533
Bernie is dead, you morons.
183
00:10:50,601 --> 00:10:54,398
Just because he's wearing
sunglasses, he looks alive?
184
00:10:54,472 --> 00:10:57,473
How long is this weekend, anyway?
185
00:11:00,945 --> 00:11:04,572
- Hello?
- How's the movie, Elaine?
186
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:08,383
- Vincent?
- A Gene pick.
187
00:11:08,452 --> 00:11:12,511
How could you?
I thought we had something special.
188
00:11:12,590 --> 00:11:15,318
No, it doesn't mean anything.
189
00:11:15,393 --> 00:11:18,485
I'm not even gonna rewind it.
190
00:11:18,662 --> 00:11:20,354
Vincent?
191
00:11:21,999 --> 00:11:24,431
All right. Let's get to it.
192
00:11:24,502 --> 00:11:26,297
Wait a minute.
What about Reilly?
193
00:11:26,370 --> 00:11:28,870
Reilly doesn't work here anymore.
194
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,906
What? I didn't hear about that.
195
00:11:31,976 --> 00:11:34,738
We only wake you up
for the important meetings.
196
00:11:40,184 --> 00:11:43,515
- Hello.
- Hello.
197
00:11:43,587 --> 00:11:45,678
Didn't I see you at
the pro shop yesterday?
198
00:11:45,756 --> 00:11:49,223
I think so. I'm Patty.
Milos gave me your address.
199
00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:51,384
I hope you don't mind me
waiting for you here.
200
00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:54,059
Oh, that Milos.
201
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:57,860
Well, what should we do?
Care for a cup of coffee?
202
00:11:57,935 --> 00:12:00,435
Why don't we just go up to
your apartment?
203
00:12:01,439 --> 00:12:03,404
All right.
204
00:12:06,877 --> 00:12:09,411
Gotta be an easier way.
205
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,172
Doctor, how's her coma?
206
00:12:11,248 --> 00:12:13,077
Oh, exactly the same.
207
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:14,444
Wait a minute.
208
00:12:14,518 --> 00:12:16,813
She's coming out of the coma.
209
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:22,418
Mrs. Albright, can you hear me?
Are you okay?
210
00:12:22,493 --> 00:12:26,029
I feel so rested and refreshed.
211
00:12:26,664 --> 00:12:29,062
Get me a toothbrush.
212
00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,969
So you play tennis?
213
00:12:34,071 --> 00:12:35,695
Enough talk, Jerry.
214
00:12:35,773 --> 00:12:37,135
Not for me. I love chatting.
215
00:12:39,610 --> 00:12:41,473
No, no, I can't do this.
216
00:12:41,545 --> 00:12:44,273
I can't go through with this,
not even for him.
217
00:12:44,348 --> 00:12:49,579
- Who?
- Milos, my husband.
218
00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:51,118
Your husband?
219
00:12:59,997 --> 00:13:05,729
And so concerned was he that word of
his poor tennis skills might leak out...
220
00:13:05,803 --> 00:13:12,240
he chose to offer you his wife as
some sort of medieval sexual payola.
221
00:13:12,977 --> 00:13:14,942
He's new around here.
222
00:13:15,946 --> 00:13:18,014
So details.
223
00:13:18,082 --> 00:13:20,810
Well, I didn't sleep with her.
224
00:13:21,118 --> 00:13:23,743
Because of society, right?
225
00:13:23,821 --> 00:13:26,947
Yes, George, because of society.
226
00:13:27,158 --> 00:13:29,249
So how did the big meeting
turn out?
227
00:13:29,860 --> 00:13:32,929
Reilly is no longer with the club.
Can you believe that?
228
00:13:32,997 --> 00:13:35,088
You're better off.
Now you can just let it go.
229
00:13:35,166 --> 00:13:36,699
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna let it go.
230
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:38,858
You never had
the right comeback, anyway.
231
00:13:39,503 --> 00:13:41,093
Are you insane?
232
00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:43,763
"Jerk store" would have
smoked that guy.
233
00:13:44,275 --> 00:13:46,639
Smoked him, I say.
234
00:13:48,312 --> 00:13:49,777
Oh, Jerry, listen.
235
00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:53,077
I saw the rest of that movie,
The Other Side of Darkness.
236
00:13:53,150 --> 00:13:55,275
The coma lady wakes up at the end.
237
00:13:55,586 --> 00:14:00,180
Oh, I wanted to see that.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
238
00:14:03,127 --> 00:14:05,821
I didn't know it was possible
to come out of a coma.
239
00:14:05,896 --> 00:14:08,464
I didn't know it was possible
not to know that.
240
00:14:08,532 --> 00:14:10,827
How was Eric Roberts
as the husband?
241
00:14:10,901 --> 00:14:12,628
Oh, unforgettable.
242
00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:16,899
I gotta find Elaine.
You know, she's gonna pull my plug.
243
00:14:22,846 --> 00:14:25,540
What? "Betrayed"?
244
00:14:25,916 --> 00:14:27,813
Oh, Vincent, I'm so sorry.
245
00:14:27,885 --> 00:14:31,182
Hey, hey, listen, Elaine, I changed
my mind about the whole coma thing.
246
00:14:31,255 --> 00:14:32,822
Yeah, I decided I'm up for it.
247
00:14:32,890 --> 00:14:35,652
Kramer, do you have any idea
what you've done?
248
00:14:35,726 --> 00:14:37,691
Excuse me.
249
00:14:38,963 --> 00:14:40,860
What are you doing?
250
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:45,530
Vincent stopped making picks.
251
00:14:46,070 --> 00:14:48,263
Well, how am I gonna know
what movies to see?
252
00:14:48,339 --> 00:14:50,771
We have a wide variety
of Gene picks.
253
00:14:50,841 --> 00:14:52,670
Gene's trash.
254
00:14:52,743 --> 00:14:54,538
I'm Gene.
255
00:14:58,582 --> 00:15:00,081
Hi.
256
00:15:01,819 --> 00:15:04,752
Milos, I can assure you,
I had no intention of telling anyone...
257
00:15:04,822 --> 00:15:07,550
about your unbelievably bad
tennis playing.
258
00:15:07,625 --> 00:15:13,891
Thank you, but unfortunately,
I have much larger problems to fry.
259
00:15:14,298 --> 00:15:18,596
My wife, she has no respect
for Milos anymore.
260
00:15:18,836 --> 00:15:22,303
I guess that's a risk you run
when you dabble in the flesh trade.
261
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:26,709
Patty, she... She loves tennis
as much like I do.
262
00:15:26,777 --> 00:15:32,440
Would you...? Will you let me
beat you in tennis?
263
00:15:32,516 --> 00:15:36,712
That is the only way I can show her
that I'm still a man.
264
00:15:36,787 --> 00:15:39,185
I'll do it as long as
there's no other girls around.
265
00:15:39,256 --> 00:15:41,916
I mean, I wanna be a man too.
266
00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:44,885
So you hurt Vincent's feelings?
267
00:15:45,529 --> 00:15:47,392
Look what came in the mail today.
268
00:15:47,464 --> 00:15:49,293
What's this?
269
00:15:49,566 --> 00:15:53,363
It's the play button off his VCR.
270
00:15:55,439 --> 00:15:58,804
Boy, look how far back it goes.
It's like a tooth.
271
00:16:00,044 --> 00:16:03,375
So guess where
Mr. Ocean Phone turned up.
272
00:16:03,447 --> 00:16:05,947
He's working for Firestone
in Akron, Ohio.
273
00:16:06,016 --> 00:16:07,583
- Ohio?
- Yup.
274
00:16:07,651 --> 00:16:10,311
I'm leaving first thing
tomorrow morning.
275
00:16:10,888 --> 00:16:13,752
You're flying to Akron
just to zing a guy?
276
00:16:14,291 --> 00:16:16,518
Don't you understand?
It's not about him.
277
00:16:16,593 --> 00:16:20,185
To have a line as perfect as
"jerk store" and to never use it.
278
00:16:20,264 --> 00:16:21,831
I couldn't live with myself.
279
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:25,730
See, there are no jerk stores.
280
00:16:26,103 --> 00:16:28,865
It's just a little confusing, is all.
281
00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:33,408
It's smart. It's a smart line,
and a smart crowd will appreciate it.
282
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:37,343
And I'm not gonna dumb it down
for some bonehead mass audience.
283
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:41,277
Not you.
284
00:16:44,154 --> 00:16:46,620
Oh, these brittle bones.
285
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:50,317
How I long to be rid of the pain.
286
00:16:53,564 --> 00:16:57,498
- Hello.
- Elaine, it's Vincent.
287
00:16:57,568 --> 00:17:01,798
Vincent. Where are you?
I have to meet you.
288
00:17:01,872 --> 00:17:04,964
No, I can't bear to have
anyone see me.
289
00:17:05,042 --> 00:17:10,205
Vincent, listen, I won't judge you
the way everyone else does.
290
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:16,148
You're strange and beautiful
and sensitive.
291
00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:19,652
- Now, let's have a look at you.
- All right.
292
00:17:19,723 --> 00:17:22,986
But can you bring me a few things
from the store?
293
00:17:23,060 --> 00:17:25,560
I haven't been out in a while.
294
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:33,401
Well, go around,
you bunch of crazies.
295
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:36,164
Maniacs are gonna get us all killed.
296
00:17:37,274 --> 00:17:38,602
Hi, can I help you?
297
00:17:38,675 --> 00:17:40,902
Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm Cosmo Kramer.
298
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:43,342
Yeah, I had an appointment
to annul my living will.
299
00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:47,678
Oh, Mr. Kramer, you had
a 10:30 appointment. It's 2:00.
300
00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:50,786
Mr. Shellbach had a tennis lesson.
He's gone for the day.
301
00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:10,030
- Too good.
- Another game for Milos!
302
00:18:11,575 --> 00:18:13,074
You're on fire today.
303
00:18:13,143 --> 00:18:16,371
Hey, Patty, look at this guy.
He's awful.
304
00:18:17,648 --> 00:18:19,443
He's not a man, this Jerry.
305
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,607
He's not even married like I am.
306
00:18:21,952 --> 00:18:24,612
Hey, Milos, I don't mind
rolling over here...
307
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:27,780
but could you lighten up
on the "not a man" stuff?
308
00:18:27,858 --> 00:18:32,986
Hey, everybody, look. The little
chicken girl wants me to ease up.
309
00:18:33,063 --> 00:18:37,293
He can't handle this.
He cries like a woman.
310
00:18:51,181 --> 00:18:53,408
Hello? Vincent?
311
00:18:53,984 --> 00:18:55,779
Elaine?
312
00:18:55,853 --> 00:18:58,478
I got what you asked.
313
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,680
Just leave it and go.
314
00:19:00,757 --> 00:19:02,757
Well, can I come in?
315
00:19:02,826 --> 00:19:04,917
No, go away, now.
316
00:19:05,162 --> 00:19:10,063
No, no, Vincent, I....
Oh, don't shut me out.
317
00:19:10,133 --> 00:19:14,101
I just... I know you feel what I feel.
318
00:19:14,171 --> 00:19:17,206
- Excuse me, can I help you?
- Oh, damn it.
319
00:19:17,841 --> 00:19:20,774
- I'm here to see Vincent.
- Well, I'm his mother.
320
00:19:20,844 --> 00:19:24,277
- Vincent, what's going on here?
- No, my acne!
321
00:19:25,716 --> 00:19:27,681
Acne?
322
00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,819
What do you have here?
323
00:19:29,887 --> 00:19:33,980
Vodka, cigarettes, fireworks.
324
00:19:34,057 --> 00:19:37,991
What kind of a sick woman
brings this to a 15-year-old?
325
00:19:38,195 --> 00:19:42,129
We have the same taste in movies.
326
00:19:42,199 --> 00:19:44,290
Did he send you part of our VCR?
327
00:19:55,512 --> 00:19:57,739
Vincent?
328
00:20:08,191 --> 00:20:10,885
Look at the big baby.
329
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,189
Hey, big baby,
are you wetting yourself?
330
00:20:14,264 --> 00:20:17,162
Maybe it is time for you
to be changed.
331
00:20:18,936 --> 00:20:21,436
I told you to cut it out.
332
00:20:24,575 --> 00:20:26,336
Come on, what are you doing?
333
00:20:27,177 --> 00:20:29,837
The baby got lucky on that one.
334
00:20:37,421 --> 00:20:39,113
Shellbach. Hey.
335
00:20:52,769 --> 00:20:54,564
Racket?
336
00:21:12,055 --> 00:21:17,457
So, George, you're proposing
a Snow Tire Day at Yankee Stadium?
337
00:21:17,761 --> 00:21:19,920
As long as they don't
throw them on the field.
338
00:21:19,997 --> 00:21:22,861
Help yourself to some shrimp.
I brought enough for everybody.
339
00:21:22,933 --> 00:21:24,898
I have to say, this...
340
00:21:24,968 --> 00:21:27,229
This proposal doesn't make
a whole lot of sense.
341
00:21:27,304 --> 00:21:28,632
Well, you never know.
342
00:21:28,705 --> 00:21:31,137
Let's see how many
I can fit in my mouth.
343
00:21:32,676 --> 00:21:34,073
You know, George...
344
00:21:35,512 --> 00:21:39,013
the ocean called.
They're running out of shrimp.
345
00:21:41,818 --> 00:21:43,749
Oh, yeah, Reilly?
346
00:21:45,255 --> 00:21:49,086
Well, the jerk store called.
They're running out of you.
347
00:21:50,627 --> 00:21:54,686
What's the difference?
You're their all-time bestseller.
348
00:22:02,172 --> 00:22:06,606
Yeah? Well, I had sex
with your wife.
349
00:22:17,487 --> 00:22:19,646
His wife's in a coma.
350
00:22:30,300 --> 00:22:32,300
Hi. How's he doing?
351
00:22:32,369 --> 00:22:34,403
He's been sleeping a lot.
He's still groggy.
352
00:22:35,472 --> 00:22:37,767
I thought a movie
might cheer him up.
353
00:22:37,841 --> 00:22:40,569
- I got him a Gene pick.
- What happened to Vincent?
354
00:22:40,877 --> 00:22:44,276
I'm kind of off of him.
355
00:22:44,347 --> 00:22:46,210
Outlet?
356
00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:12,065
"My wife's in a coma."
357
00:23:12,476 --> 00:23:18,776
Yeah? Well, the life-support machine
called and.... Stupid.
358
00:23:20,817 --> 00:23:26,116
Wait. Yes.
That's what I should have said.
359
00:23:30,961 --> 00:23:35,657
You're meat, Reilly!
You just screwed yourself!
27845
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof