Original subtitles

My Best Friend's Girl

Shit, what the hell is it?

You close the store?

Come in.

Did I wake you? - You sure did.

I just got to bed.

What's wrong?

Something serious?

Sit down.

What's the matter? You look zonked.

Are you sick?

Bank giving you static again?

You look like you've been run over by an avalanche.

Look me in the eye.

You won't believe it.

Is it an incident or a disaster?

Pascal. Don't tell me you're in love again.

You've got it. - I can't take it anymore.

I warned you: That's out.

Calm down, Mickey. Please.

Who is it this time? - A girl.

Do I know her? - No.

You're hopeless.

You see a girl and boom: You're in love!

We agreed you'd lay off for a while,

for at least six months.

True. - My answer is : No!

It's absolutely "No!" You hear me?

Or count me out. I refuse to get involved.

Just come and take a look.

Where is she?

In my bed. - Already?

You moron.

I told you not to give into provocation!

There never was. - There always is.

Not this time.

It was just natural. - Natural, my ass! As always,

you'll eat your heart out.

Is that her car? What a heap.

Well...

What do you think? - All I can see is her ass.

This is Mickey.

He's very important to me.

What are you doing in this bed?

I got picked up.

Do you often get picked up? - Sure,

if I like the guy.

I bet you're an expert on French bedding.

Your buddy's a sweet guy. - Not his buddy, his friend.

In fact, I'm his best friend.

I advise him on every move.

When I talk, he listens.

For ten years, no one has ever come between us.

Not even a girl?

No. Girls come and they go.

We stick together and watch them leave.

What if one of them felt like staying?

Like who?

Like a girl who's tired of lugging her suitcase around.

Did you hear that?

She spoke of suitcases.

Aren't you listening? - Not really.

He's looking at me.

He can look and listen.

Is that so hard?

It depends on how hard he's concentrating.

What do you think? - She's a smart ass.

See her eyes?

They knock me out.

Is anyone likely to miss you?

No nobody. - Hell.

Listen, this is serious. I met this girl last night.

I don't know where she's from

or what she has in mind. But I know she's in my bed

and she's so sweet I couldn't sleep.

I want her to stay here.

I want her to stay as long as possible.

Whatever you say, it's your home.

Are you for or against? - Neither. We Swiss are neutral.

You going to mope for two weeks?

If necessary.

I'm no trouble.

I've never met a girl who wasn't.

Leave me alone, I'm going home.

How can you after seeing her?

What did I see? A chick in a bed.

She's not my chick, it's not my bed, so who cares!

She's not a chick, she's a vulernable woman in need of

warmth and kindness.

She's found both!

I must work, stay with her.

What for? - To keep her from taking off.

Pascal, you're beginning to piss me off.

I know, but will you do it?

I'll do my best.

Old reliable! - Let go of me.

I've got an offer.

My house. - What for?

To live in.

With you? - Yes.

I don't know your name.

Pascal Sauinier.

I own the resort ski shop.

I'm Vivian,

Vivian Arthaud.

All I own is my car.

Make yourself at home. We'll spoil you.

I've got to go to work now. See you soon.

My buddy will take care of you.

He may be gruff, but he's a real gem.

You can trust him as you would me.

Take care of her.

From now on, she's my most precious possession.

Is he always this wonderful?

You think he's wonderful?

For a ski bum, he's not bad.

He offered you his home. - Yes.

How do you feel about it?

A little scared. - Naturally.

Has he had many women before me?

Loads of them.

As many as he wants, but he can't keep them.

Why not? - He's just too nice.

I bet you're even nicer.

Yes, but don't let my looks fool you.

You want coffee? - Sure.

With toast? - Yes.

With butter? - Yes.

And cranberry jam? - Yes.

This is a great set up.

Did you serve his other girls breakfast in bed?

Some of them.

You two are really organized.

Sure. One scores and the other cleans up.

How did it go? - Great, she's singing in the tub.

Breakfast in bed? - Naturally.

She enjoy it? - She's in heaven.

You think she's in love yet? - I'd say so.

You mean it? - She thinks your wonderful.

She does. That's fantastic. - I guess so.

Their romance is already getting on my nerves.

Enjoy it.

Why is he so glum?

Nevermind, he'll go over it.

Before he was charming.

He's what is known as a manic depressive.

Enjoy it.

Why are you sore? - I'm not sore.

You haven't said a word. - I've got nothing to say.

Lay off him.

Do you resent me? - Why should I?

What do you think of our romance?

You two? - Yes, our love affair.

I haven't decided yet.

Anyway, is it a love affair?

I ask you, you know Pascal well.

Do you think we'll stay together?

Careful how you answer.

Get off my back. I've got no opinion.

If you're waiting for my blessing,

don't hold your breath. It's too soon.

Your affair is okay, but I'm skeptical.

Why not look on the bright side of life?

Let life look at me and give me reasons to be optimistic.

Anyway, you're crazy to sit there in the hot sun,

so as to give her an eyeful of your manly chest.

You look like a tourist. Besides, it's dangerous.

Put a hat on at least. - I'm okay.

He's ok now, but how he gripes when he isn't...

You're a pain in the ass.

Where's he going?

To put on a hat. He knows I'm right.

He's headache-prone.

What the hell is with them?

Such familiarity. Just because they're on vacation!

Mind your skis and let us eat in peace.

Does he really have headaches? - Yes.

Often? - I don't keep count, but often.

What about you? - Me, I'm a physical wreck.

You should be healthy up there. - Well, I'm not.

Do you get bored? - Not really.

What does Pascal do? - He works all day.

The store? And you? - Nothing.

Do you work? - Only at night.

That's great. You can help me unpack.

What are you two talking about?

It's a secret.

Got a washer? - Of course.

Can you work it? - Naturally.

You know how to act friendly as well?

It brings me bad luck.

Where's your machine? - Out there.

How about you? - What?

Is there a woman in your life? - No.

Nobody? - Nobody.

How come?

Does it bother you?

Just seems strange.

Why? Am I so irresistible?

I think you're bizarre.

How so?

You're just bizarre.

Right now, you look bizarre.

You're eyes are telling me something, but I don't know what.

Me neither.

There's sympathy

and suspicion.

It's hard to say in what ratio.

Let's say 25 percent sympathy and 75 percent suspicion.

You're scared I'll steal your buddy?

Well, it's just the opposite.

You'll keep your buddy

and you'll gain a friend.

Can men and women be just friends?

It'd be nice for once.

Yes, it would.

Shall we try?

Okay.

Where do we start?

Let's put on some music.

What for? - For atmosphere.

Good idea.

What does Pascal listen to?

Nothing. - What do you mean?

No records? - No.

Hasn't he got a stereo?

No.

Where are his books?

Hasn't he got any? - No.

What does he do in the evenings?

He goes to bed or watches television.

I won't last long in this place.

What kind of music would you like?

Anything.

Something mellow.

It's not his fault, he's a former athlete.

He's no intellectual.

All he knows about is skiing.

And you? What do you know? - Not much either.

Does this turn you on?

Not especially.

Don't you like dancing?

How about this?

I watch beautiful girls dance every night.

Really?

I work in a nightclub. I'm a disc jockey.

Why are you prancing around?

Want me to stop?

Would you? I'm getting dizzy.

Something troubling you? - Not especially.

Want to go? - No. Why?

You look funny. - How so?

You're up to something.

I am?

Are you falling in love with me?

You're insane.

Why?

It's no crime. - Maybe not a crime,

but it would be a real fuck-up.

I love it here.

Do you have many friends? - No.

Neither do I, he's the only one

and I don't want to lose him, even if his woman's a tease.

I'm not his woman.

To me, you are. You live with him, you're his.

Not much is sacred in life, but that is.

Keep talking, Mickey.

It boosts my morale to hear things like that.

You're really a decent guy.

What's so decent about me?

I'm capable of behaving like like a bastard.

No, not you.

Don't be so sure.

I can tell you're a nice guy.

It's obvious.

You think so?

What if I did? - Did what?

Fall in love with you.

You'd better not.

You know of any cures for that sort of thing?

Fight fire with fire.

That's what vaccinations are for.

What do you mean?

Let's make love.

When? - Right away, before it's too late.

Love is a sickness. You've got to treat it early.

Otherwise, you've had it.

Let me get this straight. You,

my best friend's girl

are proposing that I sleep with you in his home.

Why not?

Just because he's your buddy doesn't mean he has to know.

What kind of a tramp are you?

What's with you two?

Just talking.

In the dark?

What time is it? - 8 p.m.

I better get dinner on.

We didn't notice the time.

Talking non-stop? - Yes.

About what? - Everything and nothing.

Just shooting the bull.

What sort of bull? - Life, memories, things like that.

You look peculiar.

Who?

Him or me?

Both of you.

Mickey, he says we look pecuilar.

In what way?

You're hiding something from me.

Are we hiding something?

Not that I know of.

Hell, I feel like I'm in the wrong house.

Is this better? - I mean it,

I felt as if I was intruding.

That's because it was dark.

Not only that, there was something else.

You were acting guilty.

Guilty of what? - That's what I'd like to know.

Go on, Mickey, tell him... he guessed.

Guessed what?

Well something unfortunate happened.

I insulted Vivian.

In what way?

I tried to sleep with her.

What happened?

She turned me down. And how!

He said you two shared everything. Is that true?

I get it.

You're putting me on.

I was scared stiff! You bums!

You want a scotch? - Sure.

Shall I get your slippers?

You two are a real pair of clowns.

Are you sure she's in love with him?

Shut up.

No need to panic.

So far, it's not dramatic.

The trouble is I've got a yearn for her,

but that's no tragedy.

It would be worse if I loved her.

That would be serious.

There are two solutions:

Either I keep it to myself and don't let on

or I make my move.

But if I do that means I'm a bastard.

Let's assume I'm a bastard.

What does it feel like?

I could get used to it. Life is full of cool bastards.

Maybe they're so cool because they're bastards.

What's the difference between a bastard and a good guy?

The good guy hasn't got the balls to be a bastard.

Take me, I'm a born coward.

I'm condemned to be a good guy all my life.

Wait a minute,

I just hit on something.

It means that I'm honest, because I'm chicken

and it takes guts to be a bastard.

That changes the whole picture.

You're sweet to come by.

I was getting a little bored.

I didn't plan to see you.

I was passing by and thought I'd stop in to say hello and

see how you were doing.

Do you need anything? - No, I'm fine.

How about you? - I'm alright.

I'd like to ask you a question,

but it's not an easy question.

It's the kind you ask and then regret having asked.

Then don't ask it.

The problem is I really want to ask it.

That's no problem. You can say anything to me.

You mean it?

Of course.

What's your question?

Remember when you felt like hearing some music?

And I went to go some tapes? Then you started to dance

and you suggested something?

What did I suggest?

That we make love.

Were you kidding?

Do you feel like it now?

Not especially, but since you suggested it, I thought it over:

Provided it's strictly on a friendly basis,

it might be an interesting experience.

Come on.

Where to? - To the bedroom.

Do you prefer the sun deck?

Not really.

You know, there's no hurry. We could think it over.

Think what over?

Come on, we'll think later.

You see? It was no big deal.

Did you enjoy it?

You don't look like it.

My conscience is bugging me.

I like you in the role of a bastard.

Stop pawing me.

You loved it before. - That was then, this is now.

Time marches on.

Are you always so nasty after making love?

Do you expect me to bill and coo?

You said you loved me. - I say that to everybody, to

all the girls, I can't help pushing when I screw, it's all bull.

I don't believe you. - Listen, Vivian.

We had ourselves a nice lay. Period.

You've got lots going for you,

but you're not the first girl I've laid.

I've scored with prettier ones than you.

Not to often, but even so...

I've got a terrific headache.

A headache isn't serious.

His happens to be very bad.

To much sun? - No we ate in the bedroom.

What bedroom? - Ours.

What did you eat? - Creamed coad.

No wonder.

You nasueious? - A little.

Your neck hurt? - A little.

And your eyes? - Not to bad.

That must be it.

Off to bed, don't play the hero!

When he's like this, he stays in bed all day.

He can't even stand the sound of skis.

Shall I give you a sedative?

You got one? - Of course.

Do you think it will help?

Don't you take them?

Try them out. - I'm against them.

- Why? - Thery're habit forming.

Just once isn't habit forming.

You take it once, you're trapped for life.

Is it better to suffer?

He could relax and sleep.

My darling, I'm sorry, I've ruined our evening.

There'll be other evenings.

It's funny: My head aches so

I can hardly open my eyes, yet I want to make love.

You do?

I'll see what I can do.

Really? - Loosen up,

close your eyes. Relax.

Oh my darling,

you're an angel.

He's asleep.

What are you doing on my lap?

Making myself available,

just in case

you feel like kissing me.

Cold? - Yes.

That will warm you up. Let me tell you something.

Before you came to the resort,

there were two friends:

two solid buddies. Know what I mean?

Let's get two things straight:

Whatever happens, even in the shittiest situations,

they'll remain friends.

And no two-bit tramp like you is going to come between them.

No matter how great a lay she is.

Get it? - Yes.

It's up to you:

Either you get back in your heap,

I throw your suitcase in after you,

and you clear out for good...

Believe me, we'll get over you fast enough.

Or else you stay and make Pascal happy.

And only Pascal.

I want you to be loyal and loving. Understand?

Which will it be?

I'll stay. - With whom?

with Pascal.

In that case, step this way.

I'm sorry, Viviane.

I got carried away.

I just wanted to clear things up.

Don't be sore at me. Please don't leave.

What'll I tell Pascal when he wakes up to an empty house?

You crying?

Don't cry. You're not alone. We're here.

You're too pretty to cry like that.

I don't want to see you cry.

I want to see you laugh, dance, twirl around!

Want to go dancing? - No.

You can't go to bed with a guy who's zonked out on Valium.

I'd like to go to the seashore.

Tough luck.

For now, we're in the mountains.

Do you know who that girl is? - No.

She's my best friend's girl.

Where's your best friend?

He's sick.

What a fool.

A lady like that shouldn't be left alone.

She's not alone, she's with me.

Then dance with her.

Enjoy her while your friend is sick.

Remember: I'm your best friend's girl.

What's up? - I wanted to see you.

I'm busy as hell. - Can't we talk anyway?

It won't be easy.

Are we friends or not? - Of course we are.

Sometimes I wonder. - About what?

About the honesty of our relationship.

What are you talking about?

How long have we been friends? - About ten years.

You couldn't stand me at first.

I couldn't? - Not at first, but I persisted.

Are you sorry?

No. I'm just reminding you that it was my idea.

Why so emotional, all of a sudden? You sick?

I want to go away.

Where to? - Australia.

What for?

How would you feel if I left?

Cut the crap will you?

You don't give a damn.

You've got Vivian, so you don't care.

If the world collapsed, you wouldn't notice!

I hear you're depressed.

I'm okay now, false alarm.

Can I come in? - What for?

To see your place.

It's just a sloppy bachelor pad.

Pascal asked me to come.

So here I am.

He said, "Mickey's really down."

"You've got to cheer him up."

Shall I cheer you up?

I like your place.

Needs a woman's touch, but it's nice.

You sleep up here?

Can I go up? - No.

Too bad.

Why?

Just because.

Since I was feeling blue myself.

I thought if we made love, we'd feel better.

What's on your mind?

How can you be such a tramp?

I've had lots of practice.

I was lucky to start very young,

so it's become second nature.

Want some tea? - I'd like that.

Don't move. Don't move.

Are you in the loft? - Yes.

In bed?

Are you mad at me?

No.

Are you coming up?

Don't you love me?

Yes.

Come with me to my place, quick.

You've got to see this.

Come and see. - What?

Look at this bed.

Notice anything funny about it?

No, it's empty. - That's the point. It's empty.

Wait a mintue. You made me leave work at rush hour,

just to show me your bed's empty?

It's always empty.

It's empty day and night,

weekdays and holidays, always empty.

I sleep alone. Understand?

I've had it.

I'm fed up with waking up to an empty bed,

while other guys sleep with beautiful girls.

Me? I sleep with nobody!

See what I'm getting at?

It's tough being your friend.

I'm exhausted.

You say you have sudden anxiety attacks,

that leave you shaking.

I feel like I'm being followed.

By what?

By images.

Tell us about the images.

It's not really images,

it's more like a presence.

I feel a presence, even when I'm alone.

It's always there.

Is it a friendly or hostile presence?

I can't tell. It freaks me out.

I just don't know.

Nothing serious, I hope.

No cause for alarm.

A simple case of fatigue.

Have you ever taken sedatives?

Who me? - You're the patient, aren't you?

You're prescribing me sedatives?

And plenty of rest at home.

For how long? - At least three months.

You need rest.

What am I going to do?

You're going to rest, pal.

We'll take care of you at my house.

You're lucky to have such a friend.

Friendship is the best medicine.

I'm glad you're here.

I'm lucky to have both you and Vivian here with me.

Won't these pills mess me up?

No, sedatives never messed up anybody,

who wasn't already messed up.

Good night.

How'd you feel today?

A bit better? Calmer?

I'm ok.

You look better.

I'll bet. - But you do.

You might get dressed once in a while.

It's depressing to stay in pamjamas all day.

I'm sick, sick men wear pamjamas.

Some sick men shave and wash.

I'm a sick man who stinks.

Why should I wash?

I'm all alone. At least my body odor keeps me company.

I'm cold.

No you're not. The water's piping hot.

I should know.

If I say I'm cold. I'm cold.

This is as hot as it gets.

It's really cold.

The hot water's about to run out.

You don't give a damn.

What is it? - I'm scared.

Scared of what? You're safe here.

What if I died? - You're not going to die.

What if I had a blood clot?

Where? - In my brain, stupid.

They think you're overworked, give you pills,

but in fact, you've got a blood clot as big as a marble.

If it blocks up, you're dead.

What if you found me dead in your bed?

Your best friend.

I need an encephaiogram!

Who was that doctor, anyway? Has he ever cured anyone?

Calm down.

Everything's okay, I'm here.

I'd like an extra pillow.

You've got three. - I want a fourth one.

I've got to sit up.

If I fall back asleep, it might be for good.

Okay, I'll get you an extra pillow.

I want Vivan's pillow.

What for?

Don't ask.

Some things you'll never understand.

Now go get me Vivan's pillow!

What are you doing?

It's for a friend.

Know what you need?

A nice little woman.

Not a bad idea. Think it would do me good?

I'm sure it would.

Well, one who's no great beauty.

The pretty ones often spell trouble.

But then again, not a real dog either.

Just cute enough.

Or a kind of hidden beauty,

the kind with glasses,

who has gorgeous eyes behind them.

What a swell guy.

He's solid gold: Tact,

sensitivity, modesty,

and generosity.

Why don't I go to sleep in his cabin?

Then you two can sleep together. You'd make a fine pair.

Do you love me? - Yes, I love you.

Are you thirsty? - I sure am.

How about some champagne? - I'd love some.

With some chicken and a dab of ketchup.

At your service.

What are you doing here?

Come look. - What is it?

Come here.

Your buddy's a real creep.

Not at all.

There's no harm in it.

He just wanted to share our love.

Look how he sleeps, like a baby.

Hey Pascal.

I just had a terrible thought.

Are you a total nerd, or what?

I'm like everyone else,

I'm floundering.

Did you sleep well?

I had a few nightmares.

Nice day, isn't it? - Very nice.

You're already dressed?

What's the occasion? Where are you going?

I've got some bad news for you.

You're leaving.

Just for a few days.

Where?

Paris.

For the ski show?

Like every year.

Taking Vivan along?

It's her first time.

What about me?

You'll take care of the house.

I don't want to stay here alone. - You'll be fine.

Sleep in our room, if you like.

I don't want to be by myself.

He doesn't want to stay alone.

Well he'll have to! It's only a week.

I've got to go for my work.

Between minding the booth and meetings,

it won't be a pleasurable trip.

What if I had a relapse?

Why are you looking at me?

No special reason. No reason.

If you expect me to hold his hand, forget it.

I'm not his nurse.

Listen Mickey. It's only a week.

Don't worry about me, I'll survive.

I love you, Vivan.

Too late, Mickey.

You blew your chance.

You're an angel to do this, I'll never forget this.

I wonder if I'm not making a big mistake.

What will we tell Pascal?

About what?

About what's happened between us.

Any regets?

No, but what will we tell him?

Do you want to keep it up?

Sure, but what will we tell him?

We might tell him the truth.

We can't meet on the sly forever.

How can I tell him such a thing?

Very simply:

Pascal, I love Vivan. Period.

He already suspects as much.

I fall in love with all his women.

He's no fool.

This time it's different.

You'll tell him, "I'm in love with Vivan."

"And she's in love with me."

Are you in love with me? - Yes.

Since when?

The first day we met.

Pascal, my old friend,

Why do we destroy the things we love?

That's life, Mickey. We didn't invent it.

It was that way before we came.

Pascal, don't look, just listen.

I've got something terrible to tell you.

It's so awful

that you wouldn't believe it.

Are you really in love with me? - Yes.

Why? Pascal is a much better man.

True, Pascal's better.

But I prefer you.

What can I say, Pascal?

You're tall, rich, and handsome.

I'm short, ugly, and fat.

And a slob, but she loves me.

Figure that one out for me!

Maybe it's my style...

Some men look like lovers and other men like husbands.

Be honest.

Swear you're not a tramp.

Does it matter so much?

Listen Pascal, it's very simple.

No use in beating around the bush.

Vivian is coming with me.

No use asking how or why.

No explanations. We're doing it.

Go on, beat the shit out of me. I deserve it.

But I warn you, it won't change a thing.

We love each other.

You're not going to back out on me?

I'm not ruining a 10-year friendship for nothing.

Are you backing out?

With me it's different.

Why? - I know that...

if I pass up a chance like this, I may never get another.

It's great to be home again,

with good friends.

You are looking better. - I'm back on my feet again.

Did you go skiing? - Not really.

We took some nice walks.

Notice anything different?

Where? - In this room.

Notice anything different? - No.

The suitcases. - What about them?

There are two.

So what about them?

Isn't that normal? - No.

Why? - I only had one bag when I left.

What's in the other one?

Presents.

This is for you. - Thanks.

Look what he brought me.

Why a gun?

Isn't a nice gadget? - Sure.

Is it real? - Come on, I'll show you.

What's wrong?

Nothing, why?

Usually, when lover have been apart for a week,

they rush into each other's arms.

Where are you going? - I'll be back.

He suspects something, go talk to him.

This can't go on.

I can't take the pressure.

I'm going.

He won't like this.

Do as you like, Mickey.

It's your life.

What are you doing here? - I couldn't sleep.

Me niether, too much white wine.

I guess so.

I'm glad you're here. - You are?

I've got some important news for you.

Good news or bad news.

Good news.

I'm not infatuated with Vivian anymore.

You are right.

That's great news.

What happened? Meet someone in Paris?

No.

Tired of her? - No.

Find out something about her? - Like what?

What's to find out? - I don't know.

But with women, you never know what to expect.

True, anything can happen.

That's true of men as well.

I guess so.

I wonder if men aren't more two-faced than women.

You could be right.

Maybe so, but why are you dropping Vivan?

I'm not...

Now I truly love her. - Shit.

I can't sleep. I'm really thristy and restless.

What are you two talking about?

Secrets.

If they involve me, let me know.

Okay?

Isn't she beautiful?

Not bad.

Maybe I'll marry her.

And have a baby with her.

What do you say?

It's a great idea.

Have you told her? - Not yet.

This is a good time.

I just don't know how to tell her.

You don't expect me to tell her? - Why not?

As a favor for a friend.

Are you my friend? - Yes.

Did you tell him? - No.

What will you do now? - I don't know.

I'll go back to my place. And try to live a normal life until spring.

After that....

Maybe I'll go to St. Tropez.

They might need a disc jockey there.

So here I am,

back to sqaure one.

Put away your seducer's outfit, you're no ladykiller.

Set your sights a little lower,

taxi driver, madire d'

humble manservant.

"Madame is served."

"Madame's car is ready."

"Monsuier informs Madame that guests have arrived."

Talking to yourself?

I'm afraid so.

When you're alone you talk to yourself.

Why don't you come see us?

It's been two weeks since we saw you.

I didn't want to intrude.

The honeymoon was over long ago.

You and Vivan having trouble?

Tell me. There are three of us in this affair.

We may seem four soon.

Another guy muscling in?

I see no other explanation.

She won't let me get near her.

Never the slightist show of affection.

If I say how we spend our evenings, you'd die.

That bitch.

You said she had a lover?

Yes.

Who?

Me.

What?

I tried to fight it.

It's no fun being a bastard.

You're not a bastard, you're just a man.

In the ten years we have been friends,

she's the first you've stolen.

No need to be ashamed.

What's going on here?

I'm leaving.

But you can't.

I told Pascal everything. - Everything?

About us and our love.

What did he say? - What could he say?

He knows he can't fight it.

We're free. No need to hide.

Sorry, it's too late.

I'm tired of the Alps and need a change.

You can't leave with that creep.

Why not? - Don't you realize,

he'll ditch you as soon as he's tired of your ass.

Who said I was marrying him?

Where did he come from anyway?

What does she see in you?

Can't be your looks! What a face.

He looks like a baboon.

Can't you see he's a thug?

He'll grab your perals and mink and run.

I'm not materialistic. - I don't care.

I'm warning you, I've got a gun and I'll shoot.

Put away that squirt gun.

Can't you see she wants to split?

Look out or you'll hurt yourself.

Shut up or you're a goner. Don't move.

I've got you covered. You won't get away with this.

What kind of line did you hand her, anyway?

I handed her nothing, she picked me up.

Made me quit my job to go to the Riviera.

It's no use.

I'm just a rambler. I've always been that way.

I can't settle down.

I've just got to move on.

I know you'll understand.

Take care, Mickey.

Hug Pascal for me.

Thank him for his hospitality.

The main thing is that we're still friends.

Aren't we?

Of course we are.

How can they be such sluts, when they could be angels?

The answer is not up to us, but to medical science.

We treated her right.

If she'd had any sense, she'd have kept us both.

We could have rotated.

She can go to hell for all I care.

Besides, what was so great about her?

I mean really great? - Not much.

Her boobs, perhaps.

Yeah, her boobs.

But you can't go too far with a pair of boobs.

You've seen one, you've seen them all.

It's the rest that counts.

Like devoution, sensitivity, conversation.

Conversation wise, she was no whiz.

Not much brains in that department.

She didn't discover the atom!

She was no Marie Curie.

She sure wasn't.

Acutally pal, we're lucky.

Her taking off was a blessing.

You think so? - I do.

First of all, we're pals again.

We'll have a nice dinner, a relaxing evening,

with intelligent conversation.

What if she came back?

We shouldn't be so unlucky.

What would you do if she did?

I'd kick her ass to teach her a lesson.

What if she's sorry and comes back all teary-eyed?

You want to soften me up, or what?

Want to demoralize me?

My morale isn't to hot, anyway.

She won't come back.

Girls as adorable as that never come back.

Don't get your hopes up. She's gone. She's far away.

She's forgotten us. That's life.

Life is hell.

What if she came back anyway?

We'd take her in our arms and start fighting over her again!

You idiot!