Original subtitles

- Previously on Impress Me.

- Jim is currently sleeping on our couch.

- Oh Sarah Jessica Parker.

I just get so excited

about Sarah, what's not to love?

- I am still doing Justin Timberlake's voice doubling.

- Thing is, if Justin calls

you're contractually obligated to work for him.

- So the only way that I can prove myself

is to make a full-length Hollywood movie.

- Just wanted to drop off this script.

- That's great, thank you very much.

Yeah I was looking forward to this.

I really want to read it.

I'm a big fan of your impressions, I have to say.

- Yeah just the coffee today, thanks.

Hey, how's it going?

Excuse me, Mr. Pollack.

- Yeah?

- Hey, I just wanted to say I really admire your work.

- Thanks, man.

- Yeah, you're terrific. - Thanks very much.

- Sorry to bother you. - No, no bother at all.

You look familiar actually, why is that?

- I'm an actor.

Screenwriter mostly.

- Oh really?

- Serious, dramatics.

- Oh cool, did we work together?

'cause that would be embarrassing.

- Kinda. - Did we?

- I did like a day on A Few Good Men.

- Really?

- But that's a million years ago.

- Wait a second, you're the guy that

that did the Nicholson impersonation.

- Oh you remember that?

- I do recall the crew went nuts.

- Oh I don't do that anymore

I don't do impressions.

- Oh no, you gave it up?

- Yeah, yeah 'cause I'm focusing on dramatic work.

I'm not like you, I can't really balance it.

So I decided to just, really

close the door completely on impressions, don't do them.

- Really?

- Yeah, cold turkey. - Wow.

- Just concentrate on dramatic acting.

- I'm directing this movie

got Kate Winslet, Academy Award winner.

There's this part, the character actually does

a couple of voices.

Anyway, I guess I'm gonna do the part myself

but I'd rather not, I'd really rather not.

Clearly though if I did

people would sit back in their seats

and they would be entertained.

Mind you, in a way, that does go deep, I think.

It cuts both ways.

It's interesting you wanna do this dramatic acting

because I need both.

- Wait it's

I mean maybe that's too strong a word

I could definitely come back into it, dip in again.

- Robert DeNiro, you know

he came back into the ring after all those years

he said he'd never come back but he came back.

- Came back a little bit.

- Little bit, little bit.

Ron Howard, you know, Ron.

- Oh my God.

- He sort of shut the door on acting but

- That was flawless!

- Thank you guys. - You got it!

- Very much, we'll see you tomorrow.

Same time.

- It's a hell of a shame because

this is a pretty rare opportunity

but I need to be respectful.

I wish you a lot of luck man, all right?

- What just happened?

- Jim has been through a lot recently

but the nail in the coffin was when he found out

that his wife Annie was dating Josh Groban.

- Stop it, just give it to me!

- You're gonna have to work for it!

- Ross has been through a lot lately.

He's gotta really decide finally

if he wants to do this Justin Timberlake job forever.

The good thing though, is that Justin personally called him

to tell him that he can take his time with the decision.

- Hi, Ross?

This is Justin Timberlake.

I heard you wanted to talk about your future with the team.

- I think Ross just needs to get out of town for a weekend.

- So I suggested that he get out of town for the weekend

unplug, get centered, that's what Ross needs.

- It's what Jim needs.

- And there's a little place up in Santa Barbara.

- Gary actually recommended it

and I thought it was just gonna be Jim going by himself but.

- Oh come on now, you know you both need it.

It'll be a nice little getaway.

- I'm just kinda, are you gonna be all right by yourself?

- Are you serious?

- All right let's do this thing, buddy.

- Absolutely, we need this, buddy.

- Hey, you got the directions for the retreat?

- They're on the website

we can pull it up on our phone.

- Good enough.

- Road trip!

Boys day out.

- Boys day!

- Boys weekend.

- You have anything?

- Got no service whatsoever.

- We know we're close.

- Do we?

Last sign of civilization was about 40 miles ago.

- I have a sense, you know?

Wait doesn't your car have a GPS?

- It does but I stopped paying for it

it was kind of expensive.

- You even know the name of this place?

- Yeah, it's in the email.

But the address is only on the website.

What about maps?

- No Jim I'm telling you, I got no bars

I can't pull it up.

- No, no, no.

- You can pull it up?

- Maps.

- I just said, I can't, I don't have it

it's not coming up, I don't have any bars.

- Paper maps.

- Paper?

- Let me explain this technology to you

it's actually, have you seen one of these before?

It's kind of like an expanding iPad.

Got all kinds of information on, it's unbreakable

has unlimited battery life

you can't download anything and you can't answer email

but it has a lot of interesting information.

- This is actually extremely helpful.

Does it play music?

- Everyone gets lost their first time!

- We pride ourselves in being tucked away.

Nested in nature.

You from Los Angeles?

- Yes.

- You know before we began our romantic coupling

we too lived in the city

but then our hearts called us here and well.

- You can't have both!

- What?

- You can't have both.

- It sounds perfect, you know?

We wanted to come up here to get centered

and unplug for a little bit.

- Clear eyes, full heart.

Can't lose.

- There's no WiFi here at the retreat

but you get a little cell reception over by the old X.

- Really?

It's time to unplug, friends.

- We encourage all of our guests to leave their phones

in the phone basket for the duration of their stay.

- Some people like to unplug so much

they leave their phones here after they leave.

Relics, you know?

- Yeah.

Unplugged!

- Unplugged.

- These are your cabanas, we have stayed in both

many, many times.

- So do you wanna pick?

- Yeah, no.

- You're the veteran so.

- They both look good to me.

- Well you can't have both.

- What?

- You can't have both.

- Ever since I announced I was gonna stop doing impressions

and concentrate on dramatic acting

people have asked me, why not both, you know?

Anybody asking that question, don't know what it's like.

- This role, it's so dark and it's just

exactly where I want my career to be going so thank you for.

- Quick favor?

- Sure.

- If you could just do your Harrison Ford

for the producer over there, real quick?

- My Harrison Ford impression right now?

- Yes.

- Is it all right if we do the scene?

- The scene?

Oh, yeah.

But would you mind if you just did the Harrison Ford first?

- Do you mind if we actually do that, maybe after?

'Cause I'm in the.

- Well actually, do you mind if we do it first?

- Even if we do get to film it, then, you know

what are our fellow impressionists gonna say?

Well look who came to the audition, the non-impressionist.

- Hey guys, how are you?

- Oh, he speaks.

I thought you were a dramatic actor now.

I thought you were too good for impressions.

Isn't that it?

- He's a thespian now.

What's the matter?

Calmly not have the artistic integrity you were looking for?

- That's just the way the world works.

You can't do both, so I gotta pick one.

- Oh man.

We absolutely made the right choice.

- Yeah, we needed this.

- Yeah.

- I just feel like, I want to give him advice

but he signed a three year contract

and I don't know what to tell him.

- Well I do, I mean, it's none of my business

but I was the voice double for Kristin Chenoweth.

- Really?

- I had to be sweet and perky and

♪ Sing on cue ♪

♪ Like a good witch ♪

♪ Is a good witch ♪

♪ If you ask which witch ♪

♪ I say not the green witch ♪

♪ That's a bad witch ♪

♪ Though inside I'd say I'm so her ♪

♪ I'd smile and be ♪

♪ Bipolar, whatever she says. ♪

- I just realized that I've been under contract

with Team Timberlake for six months now.

Can you believe that?

I mean morning, day, night, afternoon, holidays.

Doesn't matter, Gary could and would

call me and I'd have to drop everything

and do some ridiculous gig for Justin Timberlake.

Tonight's the first night that I can safely say

that I am not going to hear Gary's voice.

- Ross?

Jim?

- Gary?

- Hey buddy, I didn't know you were talking 'bout this week.

- I had no dating life, no social life.

- That's, I mean that's insane.

- Yeah, I missed my brother's wedding

'cause I was doing something for Chenoweth, you know?

- Oh God, that's exactly like Ross.

- And the money and the perks were great

but the contract was five years.

- Five years?

- Mm-hmm.

- I tell you, I'm a fan of those little phone baskets

starting to really grow on me.

I think I'm just gonna leave my phone in there all weekend.

Otherwise, probably be checking Josh Groban's Instagram

every five minutes looking for pictures of my wife.

- So how'd you get out of it?

- I didn't.

I fulfilled my contract.

- For five years?

- Yeah, but it was the best decision I ever made.

Chenoweth respected me so much after it

she set me up with all sorts of jobs and opportunities.

- So Ross shouldn't quit then?

- If Timberlake is causing you stress

then you should just quit.

- Gary, really, I don't wanna talk about it.

- I know you don't wanna talk about it, buddy

but I'm your manager and I care about you

and I think you have a great deal more talent

than just being JT's boy toy.

- You know what always makes me feel better?

- What?

- Barbra Streisand.

She is so calm.

She's so smooth, her voice is such

such soothing, dulcet tones

and she'll tell us about this full bodied red vintage

we're currently drinking together.

- Sounds so good.

- Tomorrow's gonna be a new day

we're gonna have lots of fun, lots of events.

But until then, I'm gonna turn in fellas.

- Yeah, I think I will too.

- Yeah, me three.

Salut.

- Salut.

- Okay, that's it.

That's not it?

Come on, come on.

Something, come on.

- Ross?

- Jim?

- Unplugged.

- Sorry, man.

I just, I've been stressed about

this whole Justin Timberlake thing.

- Yeah, it's okay, I am too.

I mean not about Justin Timerblake but

everything else.

- The first night is always the hardest.

- Oh jeez.

- People come up here to unplug.

- Were you following us?

- No we're constantly looking down at our phones

we forget to look up once in a while.

- YouTube.

That's it.

- Totally.

- Wait what?

- That's where we recognize you from.

You do impressions, right?

- We have internet hooked up in the main cabana.

4K flat screen, surround sound, the whole deal.

- Beauty.

- So the cabanas wait for us like the honey bee

waits for the hive or vice versa.

Never studied biology so.

If I may add to that, these are truly beautiful cabanas

they are the definition of rustic modern.

- Love that.

- Frank Underwood.

- Yeah, that's good.

- Let us repay you tomorrow.

We'll take you on a tour of our exotic gardens

all the natural scenery.

- That'd be great, that'd be awesome.

Get outdoors and clear our heads.

- Absolutely.

- Yeah.

- No impressions.

- That would be ideal, that'd be great.

- Well get some rest.

- We start early.

- Okay.

- Good night. - Good night!

- Night. - Night!

- Hello?

How are you?

- I'm good, how are you doing?

- I'm better now that they're.

- Yeah.

- Here.

- Hi!

Good morning sunshine.

- What are you wearing?

- I raided your closet!

Fabulous stuff, I love it.

Pulled out some stuff for you to wear later.

Here's your coffee, there you go.

Did you sleep well?

I sure did.

Well rested, got up, took a jog

made a frittata, made some coffee.

It is a brand new day and we are going

to have a fabulous time.

We can do whatever you want!

- Wow.

- Oh did you see this?

- You know I don't.

- Can you record a little message for my mom?

In the voice of Morgan Freeman.

- You guys have got a beautiful place here.

- Yeah I drive down to L.A all the time

hang out, mix it up with celebs.

I saw John C. Reilly at a car wash once.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah just washing his car.

- Well yeah.

- Can you do him?

- Yeah, I mean a little.

- Slip me a little John C. Reilly.

- What?

- Just a little John C.

- I mean, I could be like a part of the

Guardians of the Galaxy but I feel like I'm gonna.

- Yeah, that's it.

- This is Morgan Freeman

and I just wanted to say that

well, wherever you are, it's a holiday.

All the best.

- That was really good, thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

- Look.

If Ross quit and you have to move

well then let's appreciate this fabulous house

we have it all to ourselves.

Let's go in the pool one last time.

- I've never even been in the pool.

- Stay true to the path for about a mile

you won't regret it.

- Thank you.

Thank you.

- Find yourself.

Lose yourself.

- I think we've just gotta clear our heads

and appreciate nature.

- Oh absolutely, yeah.

- Hey you know, by the way.

We should set some ground rules if you don't mind.

- Okay, like what?

- Well, no talking about our women.

- Oh yeah, no absolutely.

- All right?

- And no talking about impressions, okay?

- Of course, of course.

- All right.

- Unplugged.

- Yeah, unplugged!

I'm sorry Jim I can't, I can't do this.

I'm not relaxed, I don't feel relaxed.

You know, my manager is staying in a cabana next to us

our tour guides are making us do impressions for them

on our nature hike that's supposed to center us

and make us feel better

make us forget about all the crap back home.

I feel absolutely nothing

and this ascot, this thing that you put on my neck

doesn't make me feel good.

I think we need to get away from our getaway.

And I'm sorry I yelled at you, that was uncalled for.

- Do you wanna jump in the pool with Dora?

- No you have to ask me as Julie Andrews.

- Oh in that case, jumping in the pool

is quite out of the question.

- I proposed to Annie on a spot almost like this

this is no picnic for me

we need to get away from our getaway.

- We need a getaway from our getaway!

- It's that simple.

- It's just like, you know, the get away.

- Yeah.

- We gotta get away from the get away.

I mean this, its just not

I mean it's beautiful but it's not doing anything.

God, everywhere these bugs.

- But we have to do it today!

- Oh Carol Channing?

- Three.

Two.

- I don't see this happening!

- One!

- We need someplace that's more us.

- Yeah, some place that's more raw and just like

with the people, we want to like

let's get back with the people, the real people.

- Yeah mid way, not a get away totally but a mid.

- Yeah, a getaway from our getaway but it's not.

- Sometimes you don't know until you get to the getaway

that it's not your getaway.

- Exactly.

- And we gotta get out of this getaway.

- We just gotta get away.

- We do, yeah.

All right, let's go.

- This place is perfect.

- It is, it's like out of a movie.

- I do like doing the Justin Timberlake jobs

but I just can't help thinking

maybe the grass is just a little greener over there.

- If I just sucked it up and did impressions

then Annie and I wouldn't have had to split up.

- But then you wouldn't have been true to yourself.

- I know, why can't we do both?

I just want to do both.

- You can do both!

What makes a human?

We're not human doings, we're human beings.

Why does a human being have to be defined by just one thing?

I'm a father, a husband, a brother, a son.

I'm an excellent parallel parker.

Does that prevent me from being a passenger

in someone else's car?

I think not.

- In theory, yeah, sure.

- What are you afraid of?

Failure?

Life is like a roulette ring.

You gotta put your money down on something

before that little ball drops.

- Wow, he makes a lot of sense.

- So much sense.

- Steve Martin, a comedian and a banjo player.

- That's right, that's right.

- Apple, an incredible computer company

and a damn fine fruit.

- Just because we wanna do one thing

doesn't mean we should give up another.

- Who is he?

- To hell with the critic, go.

Get, do both and never look back!

- He speaks truth.

- Thank you, we're done here.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you sir, this is.

- You can do basketball practice in the afternoon

and in the morning do your piano studies.

You're only 13 honey, you can do both.

I love you, okay bye.

- According to Twitter we didn't miss much.

Justin Bieber did something incredibly juvenile.

Kanye West said something terrible offensive, big surprise

and according to a new poll

most American's no longer care what the Fox says.

- Yeah I didn't miss too much either.

Looks like my daughter Selena

has moved in with her boyfriend who I've not yet met.

Annie sold the house we lived in for 15 years and

Piotr has been arrested for insider trading

and is going to jail.

- Wait, what?

- On the next Impress Me.

- I'm Jim Marshall.

- Roger Houston.

- Roger, Houston.

- Never heard that one before.

You a comedian, Jim?

- No I'm a screenwriter.

- Oh a screenwriter in L.A, huh?

- Are you in the industry?

- Yep, work in film finance.

- Film finance?

♪ Soul Pancake ♪