Original subtitles

♪♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, get on back ♪

♪ Don't sweat, just stay on track ♪

♪ Act like you got a joke to crack ♪

♪ No joke, gotta get on, get on, get on back ♪

♪ Get back, gonna fade to black ♪

♪ You wanna find me, you know where I'm at ♪

♪ Drive this like you stole that ♪

♪ You know I'm bad in a big red Cadillac... ♪♪

She's a gem, ain't she?

♪♪

[door beeping]

Might be just what I'm looking for.

Of course, I'll... need to take a test drive.

You'll need to sit down with our manager first.

We can't let just anyone take her for a spin.

Could be some kid.Sounds fair.

Let me speak to your manager.

He's out to lunch right now,

but he should be back any minute.

Can I get you anything, Mister...?

Styles. Harold Styles.

And, uh, yeah, can I get a coffee, black?

Room temp. Thanks, buddy.

[Xander] My name is Xander DeWitt.

That's spelled with an "X," as in "X marks the spot."

And, no, I'm not some high-rolling,

drag-racing gear head.

I'm a private eye, a detective.

Well, kind of. I say "kind of"

because I'm still in high school, technically.

I say "technically" because I've been racking up the absences

ever since my dad disappeared.

[computer trilling]

[computer chimes]

Your coffee, Mr. Styles.

What do-- security!

Catch!

♪♪

Ah!

[alarm blaring]

Security! Stop that kid!

[car alarm blaring]

♪♪

[grunting] Get him, little buddy!

Oh, I shouldn't have had lunch-- Aww!

♪♪

[air deflating rapidly]

[grunting]

Rad Rocket, don't fail me now.

♪♪

[grunting]

[engine turns over]

[tires screeching]

Son of a-- get the plate number on that scooter!

Get back here!So long, suckers!

[Xander groans]

Hey, Mom.

Can my friends stay over for dinner?

I told them that we're having coffee and donuts.

You, inside, now.

You got it. Hey, listen, guys.

It's been real. Thanks for the lift.

All right? Five-star rating for both of you.

Xander! Got it.

And don't get oil on my floors!

Nice mustache.

Hey, you guys don't still do that thing where you throw a kid

in a jail cell to scare him straight, do you?

Oh...

[remote beeps]

[Xander] My dad was an engineer.

One day, three months ago, he left for work and...

vanished without a trace.

Now, I knew in my gut that, wherever he was,

he was still alive and he was in trouble.

There was nothing anyone could do to stop me from finding him.

Let's see if we can find my dad's car.

[computer trilling]

Imagine never hearing from your best friend again.

Hey, buddy, I'm back.Dad.

Got you one more for the board.

There were more scooters than cars in that country.

It reminded me of the Rad Rocket.

Cool postcard, Dad. Thanks.

[Russell] Good to be home, son.

[knock at door]

[Ellen] Xander?[remote beeps]

Hey. Skipping school?

Again? What were you thinking?

I was thinking that there was an amazing sale on Lamborghinis,

and I didn't wanna pass that up.

Xander, listen.

You need to go to school.

And you're obviously too distracted to do that here,

so I'm sending you to Bixler High,

and you're gonna live with Grandpa.

What? No.

No, no, no, no, no, Mom. Mom, I can't stay with Grandpa.

Okay, he walks around in his underwear.

And poops with the door open.

Xan, you need to stay out of trouble.

Mother, please.

I-I'm never gonna stay with Grandpa, okay?

His house smells like cheese.

[computer chimes]

♪♪

[chuckles]

[Xander] 140 Elk Avenue Bixler Valley.

Where Grandpa lives?

You know what? Yes.

I should stay with Grandpa.

What?Huh?

What? [chuckling]

I like old people... and I love cheese.

♪♪

[Xander] Okay, just to recap, this was big.

The dealership's GPS records showed my dad's car

in Bixler Valley on the same day he disappeared.

Heh, for three months, my mom had been telling me

to drop the case and trust the professionals,

and now she was dragging me to my next lead.

[heavy metal music playing on car stereo]

[indistinct screaming singing]

♪♪

Bixler Valley.

The same rinky-dink town where my dad grew up.

The kind of place that made people say,

"Hey, slow down, I think we took a wrong turn somewhere."

It was slowly falling apart...

except for a few buildings that were quickly falling apart.

Whoa.

Video Store? What's a "Video Store"?

[chimes ringing]

♪♪

Sully, you pinhead! Move that big, ugly wagon!

Half my lawn isn't getting any sun!

[Sully] Buzz off, DeWitt!

I got new dentures that are tougher than you!

Ah! You want me to come over there

and break in your new dentures for you?

[vehicle approaching]

[hip-hop music playing on car stereo]

[Xander] My grandfather, Charlie DeWitt.

Grandpa used to be a private eye.

Mom says that's where I get it from.

I guess we get along okay,

but we usually only ever saw each other on the holidays.

[horn honking]It's much easier to get along

when there are presents.[car doors closing]

I don't know how you talked me into this, Ellen.

How am I supposed to keep kids off my lawn

when I got a kid hanging around my lawn?

Good to see you too, Grandpa.Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Okay.All right, now.

I already spoke to the superintendent

at Bixler Valley High. He starts tomorrow.

What am I supposed to feed him?

Looks like I need to fatten him up.

Be good.Yes.

Listen to Grandpa. And don't give up hope, okay?

Okay.They're gonna find Dad.

I know, Mom.I love you so much.

[Xander] Ugh! This part kind of drags.

I love you too, Mommy.[Xander] Let's skip ahead.

Basically I was like, "Get out of here, Mom.

I got this," and she was like, you know,

just getting into the good-byes and stuff.

Yeah, I mean, I was never much of a mama's boy.

Come on, mama's boy.

Let's go. Double time.

Let's go over the ground rules.

Number one, I'm very particular about my lawn.

Nothing goes on my lawn unless I want it there.

No trash, no parties, no ugly motor homes.

No problem. I don't even have one.

Number two, don't touch my garden hose.

Technically it's a modified fire hose.

Not exactly street legal.

Not sure why you even need that.

Number three, no jokes about my prosthetic leg.

Yeah, I wouldn't stand for that either.

I'm just-- I'm just kidding.

[Xander] I grew up hearing stories about Grandpa.

Charlie DeWitt, fearless private eye.

He ran his very own detective agency for 30 years

till he got hurt on the job, lost one of his legs

and all his nerve.

Nowadays, the only time he ever picked up a magnifying glass

was to read the paper.

♪♪

What is that? An evidence board?

When I started as a PI, I put everything up on the walls everywhere.

Any space I could find. Except the bathroom.

That place was sacred. Drove your grandma nuts.

[chuckles]

I could really use your help if you wanna see what I got.

I can't do that.

Grandpa... why not?

Look, kid. I know this is hard for you.

I miss him too, but some things are out of our control.

If studying the evidence makes you feel better, that's fine,

but we promised your mom you'd stay out of trouble.

So your jurisdiction is limited to this room, okay?

Okay.

[Xander] Not okay.

My grandpa may be retired,

but this was my first night in Bixler,

and I had a lead to pursue.

[Charlie] Not tonight, kiddo.

Get back to bed.

You got school in the morning.

[toilet flushing]

[Xander] Eh, I know what you're thinking.

High school can be hard for the new kid.

Well, don't worry about me. Look.

With a new school, you gotta blend in.

You gotta just...

[both] Not cool.

Pick that up.

[bell rings]

That's the bell, gang. Find your seats, please.

Hope y'all did your homework assignment.

'Cause today is pop quiz day.

That's my desk, hairball!

Uh... [scoffs]

Okay. If you say so.

[Mr. Wells] Okay, great.

I can see on your faces you know the drill.

Take one, pass it back.

Okay, let's pick up where we left off?

Who can tell me the four layers of the Earth?

Kenzie?

Crust, mantle, outer core, inner core.

Right. And the biggest layer is?

Kenzie?

The mantle comprises 84% of the Earth,

and it's made of silicon, magnesium,

and other minerals.

He didn't ask what it was made of, hairball.

Great. And the plates that form the shell?

What do we call those? Yeah, new guy.

"Ex-zander"?

Uh, yeah, Xander. Or just Xan for short.

I go by Xan sometimes. Um...

I'm sorry. What was the question?Tectonic plates!

Boom.

[Mr. Wells] That's right. And those plates

are always shifting even if we can't always feel it.

And that scientific process, what is that called?

Kenzie?Tectonic shift.

Right. As the molten iron...

[Xander] Granted, I was only the new kid,

but science was my jam.

This little suck-up was cramping my style.

[Mr. Wells] ...protecting us from the sun's radiation.

Now, this is important because...

[Xander] 10 bucks she's the type of girl

who arched her eyebrow and never smiled in pictures.

Now, this should be an easy one. When the tension builds up

and those tectonic plates shift, what do we call that?

[bell rings]

[woman on PA] Students, join the chess club.

Today is the last day for sign-ups.

"Swim meet ruined by loose deuce in pool."

That'll keep me out of the water in this town.

[Xander] "The Kenzie File," by Margaret MacKenzie Messina,

investigative reporter.

And there's the eyebrow.

Called it.

♪♪

[Xander] Meanwhile, my hot lead was cooling off.

So, that night, after I thought I heard the last flush,

I made my move.

You just don't give up, do you, kid?

I promised your mom I'd keep you on the level, but take it from me.

If you keep snooping around, sooner or later...

[metal leg clanging] ...you get hurt.

Grandpa, when was the last time Dad was here?

Like, here in this town?

That'd be Christmas when you said

you needed to solve the case of my missing pants.

Yeah, well, you weren't wearing any,

so they had to be somewhere.Anyway.

That was the last time he was here.

Nine months ago. Why?

These are GPS records from his car.

The last address was here in Bixler Valley,

three months ago, June 25th.

That was the day he disappeared.

Could they make it any smaller?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You're not gonna find your dad there, kid.

Used to be the old library.

Half the building collapsed.But we gotta investigate.

I mean, this is a huge lead.But let's face facts.

I'm a one-legged old man and you've got school in the morning.

But...

there's not much I can do while I'm asleep.

When do you go to bed?

11:30 every night of the week,

and I sleep like a rock.Good to know.

Long as you're in your room every morning, I don't ask questions,

but if you get arrested...Won't happen.

...or get hurt...I'll shake it off.

...or, so help me, wind up missing

like your old man...

I'll-I'll send an S.O.S.

That's the universal distress signal.

I know what an S.O.S. is, kid!

Got it.

[Xander] The old man was tough,

but he knew a big lead when he saw one.

And just like that, I was back on my case.

Grandpa was right about 140 Elk Avenue.

That library was falling apart.

Looked like a gentle breeze could've finished the job.

But for some reason, my dad pointed

his steering wheel towards this address.

[police siren whoops]

You there.

Get down from the fence nice and slow.

Officer! [chuckles]

Thank goodness you're here. Can you give me a boost up this fence?

I'm, um, trying to get to the young adult section.

You see that sign right there?

Uh, no, I don't understand sign language.

[both chuckling]

Up against the car, wise guy.

Here we go.

Whoa.

Kenny Mack, caterer. Steven Demarco, the captain.

DJ See-Sawyer?

The real one's right there. Ah.

[Jack] Something wrong, Sheriff?

Oh, uh, evening, Mr. Finn.

I just caught this young man trespassing on your site.

Seriously, Brent? Loosen up.

What's your name, bud?

Squarepants. Robert Squarepants.

My friends call me Bob.Bob, Jack Finn. Nice to meet you.

His name is Xander DeWitt.

Wait, DeWitt?

Any relation to Russell DeWitt?

He's my father.

Do you know him? Uh, yeah.

I used to. Like, 30 years ago.

How is old Rusty? Is he in town?

He's missing.

Missing?

Disappeared three months ago.

I'm staying with my grandpa for now.

Charlie DeWitt.

Never really liked me much.

I-I wasn't trespassing.

I just-- I thought I saw somebody there.

Oh, that would be me, doing a final inventory

before I demo the place, put up a new one.

You should probably get on home, bud.

And, uh, good luck. Hope you find your dad.

Thanks.

♪♪

[Xander] Now we were getting somewhere.

My dad collected postcards from every one of his business trips.

This postcard was proof that he'd been here in town.

I could already hear my mom or my grandpa saying,

"Trust the pros. Go to the police."

But that bozo Sheriff Mundy?

That guy was all mustache, no brains.

I couldn't trust the pros, but I had my next lead.

The Bixler Valley Historic Diner.

[country music playing on speakers]

♪♪

[female voice on GPS] You have arrived

at the Bixler Valley Historic Diner.

♪♪

Uh... excuse me? [grunting]

Sir, could I get some help?

I'm looking for the, uh, the diner.

Get lost, hairball.

Hairball?

Go away! You're gonna blow my cover.

As a bearded lady from the circus?

See that store?

Kids keep breaking in and stealing fireworks.

And when I find out how they're doing it,

I'm gonna publish a very important exposé.

So beat it!

How about this?

Show me what you got, and if I can beat that case

in under five minutes, I get your desk in science class.

We got a deal?

The whole place is alarmed, and the lock

is an electronic three-digit code.

Old Man Rafferty is the only one who knows the code,

but no matter how many times he changes it,

somebody keeps cracking it.

Ten digits, three-digit code means

1,000 possible combinations.

[recorder beeps]

The new kid appears to be using some sort of ultraviolet app.

His dimwitted appearance hides a surprising tech-savvy--

Okay, what? Would you mind?

Thank you.

This is how they're cracking the code.

They're using ultraviolet light to see the old man's fingerprints.

These three digits in varying orders, gives us...

[both] ...six possible combinations.

Exactly.

[keypad beeping, buzzing]

[keypad chimes, door lock clicks]

[keypad beeps]

Tell the old man what's-his-name

to sanitize the keypad every time he punches in a code.

All right? I'll see you around.

Or should I say you'll be seeing

the back of my head in class?

Hang on! I have a proposition.

You see, my column keeps me very busy,

and you seem to have a certain raggedy insight.

No dice, kiddo. I work alone. As do I.

But I have a whole backlog of unfinished stories.

I said I work alone.

You're the new kid in town.

You need somebody to show you around,

and I need somebody to help crack my stories.

Yeah, I didn't come here to sell school papers.

Fine, but if you're looking for the diner,

you won't find it.

Why is that?

Because it doesn't exist anymore.

The whole thing collapsed about a month ago.

And you see, you would know all of that

if you had someone like me around, but you don't, so...

Okay, fine.

You wanna team up? Let's team up.

All right, but it's totally noncommittal.

The ace detective fears commitment.Uh--

You wanna work together, you gotta keep up, okay?

I think fast, I work fast,

and I move fast.

Oh.

That's a lot of "fast"s for a guy on a scooter.

[mocking, muttering]

See you in class!

[Xander] I was right back where I belonged,

sitting front row, center.

Totally killing it in science class.

And my partner got an up-close look

at the back of my head.

[school bell ringing]

[Xander] I was stuck with a new partner

and she was sticking me with her unfinished stories.

Okay, partner, this one's a real head-scratcher.

Whoa, yeah, I'm gonna stop you right there.

Uh, I'm not your partner, you're my partner.

No, I asked you first. I'm pretty sure

that that makes it the other way around.

Well...Now, some of the food

in Home Ec has been coming out blue.

Seems like all the sweets.

Blue muffins, blue cookies.

I need to have a look at that pantry.

Some joker's been cutting the sugar

with gelatin mix.

Turns blue when you add water.

Headline-- "Food Blued by Rude Dude."

30 dodgeballs went missing from the gym.

I compiled a list of athletes

with prior offenses.

Uh-uh.

Athletes are too obvious.

Ask yourself, who stands to gain

from missing dodgeballs?

Honor students, ma-- Maybe the chess club.

Probably none of those.

You want a cookie? They're good.

The school nurse.

Eliminate the game of dodgeball

and you cut the nurse's workload in half.

The nurse took the dodgeballs.

"Missing Dodge Balls Found."

School nurse admits to ball-hogging.

This one has been stumping me for weeks.

The custodians swear that the music room is haunted.

And they say every night after dark,

they hear somebody tapping piano keys.

There's your story.

Tiny little poo-poos.

No ghost here, just a couple of mice

running across the keys at night.

"Paranormal Pianist Produces Petite Poo Poos."

If the custodian hears a tuba,

then you got a ghost story.

Wow, you really do think fast, work fast,

and move fast.

Miss Messina, of "The Kenzie File"?

Cara Jean Sprule, of the fifth grade.

I read your columns.

And I'm here to offer you the biggest story of your life.

Fire away.

My dog is missing.

Ahem, pass.

I'm sorry, but who are you?

Xander DeWitt, of the County Orange.

Never heard of you.

You're ten years old.

You probably don't know your own parents' names.

So... Mm-hmm.Xander!

Look, I am sorry about your dog.

But it's a small town and I am sure he'll turn up.

Uh, yeah, maybe try putting up some fliers

and checking the pound.

I've already done those things.

I'm not stupid, stupid!

[grunts]

You said the name is Cara, right?

Cara Jean Sprule of the fifth grade.

Okay, give me a flier and we'll look into it.

His name is Skyler McMuffin.

He's got blond hair and pink highlights.

And for your expenses...

Oh, that's really not...I insist.

The Sprules have deep couch cushions.

Okay, well, um, we're on the case.

Thank you so much. No thanks to you.

[grunts]

I do not do lost pets.

I'm not 12 years old anymore.

Okay, but cute dogs in jeopardy sell papers.

And if we're lucky, we'll find him

in a sewer or under a bridge

clinging to life against all odds.

Yeah, well, how about this for a story?

What's with random buildings spontaneously collapsing

in this town?

First the library back in July.

Then the diner a month ago.

No fires, no termites, just crash.

We should take a closer look at those places.

That's definitely weird.

But this isn't fancy pants Orange County.

Bixler Valley is just old.

And the old mine across town goes back 200 years.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... What are you doing?

What are you doing?What?

I drive, you ride.You don't trust me?

Is this because I'm a girl?

Uh, for the record,

I barely even noticed you were a girl.

Come on.

You got me my own helmet.

That is so sweet.

And you even got my initials right.

Did I? I didn't even notice.

Just chose the cheapest one on sale.

♪♪

[Xander] This town had seen two buildings collapse

in the past three months.

I had a strong hunch it had something to do with my dad.

And my hunches were usually never wrong... sometimes.

3:05, we approach the old library.

And 3:05, we pass the old library.

I thought we were stopping here.

Uh, yeah, so did I.

Brakes aren't working and the accelerator is stuck!

You still wanna drive?No.

[railroad crossing bell ringing]

[train whistle blowing]

We might have another problem.

Hang on![screaming]

[train whistle blaring]

We gotta stop this thing.

We need like something solid like a crash pad.

Take that road!Okay.

We're not slowing down. We are not slowing down.

The hay! Aim for the hay!

Okay.We gotta jump!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.Ready?

Jump!

[chickens clucking]

We were supposed to jump off.

I tense up at high speeds.

Hey!No, no, no, I'm not driving through any more hay.

No, not hay, hey. Tractor.

[horn honking]Hey, get off the road!

What should we do?I got an idea.

Bear right.What's on the right?

Trust me!All right, hang on.

[horn honks]

[both screaming]

[frog croaking]

Snake! There's a snake! There's a snake!

Xander!Pull it off!

It's a vine.

Okay?This is a great idea?

This pond probably saved our lives.

This is not a pond, Kenzie. This is a swamp.

We're in a swamp.

What are you doing? Don't do that.

Don't you dare.

Don't-- don't you dare do that.

Ace detective Xander DeWitt attacked by local vine.

Yeah, well... ace reporter...

What?...is weird.

Uh-huh, whatever.

[laughs]

[shrieks]

[toilet flushing]

Whatever you kids are doing out there,

you're doing it wrong.

Feel free to clean yourselves up.

You might wanna use the other bathroom.

I gotta say that was actually kind of... fun.

Racing on the Rad Rocket, crashing into the pond.

Fighting a snake.

Okay, it wasn't a snake, but it looked like one...

Kenzie, Kenzie.

I'm dissolving this partnership.

Look, what happened out there,

that wasn't an accident, okay?

Somebody cut the brakes and rigged the accelerator.

You're messing with me, right?

My dad disappeared three months ago.

I think he's in town somewhere.

And somebody's trying to scare me off the case.

And he's my own dad, so I'll risk my neck

a thousand times for him,

but I'm not gonna risk yours, okay?

No, Xander, no.

I-- I'm so sorry.

But that's even more reason why I should stick around.

We can find your dad together.

I mean, we just pulled your scooter out of a pond.

It's a swamp.

But we towed it out using nothing but vines

and brainpower.

Genius.

[sighs] Well, thank you.

I--No, no, no.

I was talking about me.

The GPS in my dad's car brought him here

to this town, right?

Suppose he parked it and never came back?

It'd get towed.Exactly.

Every town has a place where they towed the cars.

Right? We just gotta go and find that--

Whoa! That is not gonna work.

Why not?They take cars to Trucker Joe's.

And you cannot sneak into Trucker Joe's.

It's like a fortress.

[Xander] Well, Trucker Joe's might be a fortress,

but I'm a master of disguise.

Give me five minutes and a funny wig

and I can talk my way into the White House.

Is there any takeout places around here?

Did you work up an appetite?

[Xander] And the way into a man's fortress

is through his stomach.

[distant dog barking]

[commentator on TV] Thompson drops back.

Heavy pressure from the defense.

He doesn't have a lot of time.

There's the pass to Carter. Incom--

[fence rattling]

[door buzzes]

[Joe belches]

[mimics stoner] Oh! Trucker Joe!

Bon appetit.

I didn't order nothin'. Get lost.

Whoa... no, no. It's-- it's free.

It's on the house.

You got two seconds to tell me where you're from

before I punch you over that gate.

Okay, so my mom's from Fresno.

And then we moved from Mexico...

The food, bonehead.

[chuckling] Oh...

Yeah, we're brand-new.

We're called Hungry Pete's Chicken & Meat.

Hungry Pete's what?

Chicken & Meat, dude.

Chicken & Meat? Chicken is meat.

Whoa...

Anyways, we're celebrating our grand opening

by making special deliveries to local business owners.

That's you, dude.

Well, all right. I like meat.

Remember, it's a silver sedan with vanity plates.

DeWitt.

[Joe] I like greasy food.

But don't expect a tip.

'Cause I don't have anything smaller than a single.

Yeah, we got...

chicken and meat calzones.

[grunting]

We got chicken and meat veggies.

We got...Oh.

...chicken and meat chicken.

One chicken wing.

One chicken wing?

Yeah, sorry, man.

I got hungry on the way here.

It's all complimentary, huh?

Yes, sir, complimentary.

You handsome devil.

You get it? 'Cause it's complimentary.

Yeah.

[chuckling]

So, if you...Huh?

Dude, if you wanna leave me a review,

it's Kenny with a "K."

"DeWitt."

[car alarm blaring][gasps]

Don't, don't, don't, don't...

Don't eat that.

[car alarms blaring]

♪♪

Seriously?What? What is it?

[car alarms continue]

Seriously, we got-- we got a crazy kitchen, you know?

Like that one right there.

We got this busboy named Sticky.

Never washes his hands.

[desk bell rings]

[ringing]That's it.

I don't care what two-bit restaurant you're from.

I want you out of here now!

[ringing continues]Now get lost!

All right, okay.

Beat it. Give me that. That's mine.

I want!

I never wanna see your face again.

You got it, dude?

Come on. Let's go.

I got a bell. Okay. [bell ringing]

[mouthful]

What the...?

[mouthful] That stupid...

[both panting]

Please tell me you got something.

First off, buster, do not ever

put me up to something like that ever again.

Xander DeWitt.

You're a real night owl, aren't you, bud?

Jack Finn.

Uh, honestly,

this town is even creepier after dark.

Back when I was your age,

this town was absolutely beautiful.

Like a storybook.

Yeah, well, I think that storybook's

missing a few pages.

Who's your friend?

Oh, hi, Mr. Finn. I'm Kenzie.

Kenzie Messina.

You're the high school girl who's been bugging my assistant

to try and get an interview with me.

How about I give you guys a lift?

Uh, it's-- We were-- we were just...

[officer on radio] Chicken and Meat.

Long blond hair. Burger hat.

Stole a bell.

Yeah, we'll- we'll take that lift.

[Xander] Jack Finn had saved my butt

from the sheriff again.

Kenzie had picked up a new lead.

And I finally had my own little dingy bell.

[bell dings]

Blank, blank.

Every page blank.

All this work for nothing.

Hey.

We found his car.

That is not nothing.

There's gotta be a way to...

to retrace his steps.

Genius.

Me?

No. Me.

Check this out.

I can trace over the paper

if I rub this pencil over it

and see what my dad wrote.

"140 Elk Avenue, Bixler Valley,

June 25th, 1:00 p.m. Regarding C.R.A.T.E.R."

Wait, regarding C.R.A.T.-- What's C.R.A.T.E.R.?

The past three months,

I've turned his life upside down, inside out.

I checked every project, every contact.

But I've never heard of C.R.A.T.E.R.

[horn honks outside]

Hey, kiddo. Your ride's here.

Okay, thanks, Mr. DeWitt.

You two need a minute?

You gonna kiss goodbye or...

What? Ew, no, what are you...

Certainly not. No!What are you talking about?

I don't know, they way you two were eyeballing each other...

We weren't. It's not like that.

No, not even.She's my partner.

Actually, he's mine.Well...

Mine.

Uh...Mm...

So we'll, uh...

We'll pick up tomorrow.

Sure thing.Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

Mm-hmm. Okay.Cool.

Bye, Kenzie.Bye.

I'm just saying,

I've seen the way she looks at you.

I may be old, but I'm not blind.

[chuckling]

Hey, uh...

Does the word "C.R.A.T.E.R." mean anything to you?

Why?

'Cause we found his car.

What?

We found this.

[sighs]

I used pencil to etch out the message.

You taught me that.

And look, look.

Address, date,

and the word "C.R.A.T.E.R."

Holy mackerel.

This is good, solid detective work, pal.

But you know what I'm gonna say,

we gotta turn this over to the pros.

The pros?

You're the pro.

No, not anymore.

Man, I idolized you.

Charlie DeWitt.

Detective.

I need your help.

Xan, ten years ago,

I'm on a routine surveillance and I fell off that roof.

I woke up with a titanium leg.

Your grandma, rest her soul, made me promise to quit.

Now I want to find your dad more than anything,

but the one thing I'm not gonna do

is break a promise to your grandma.

Grandpa...

you know I can't drop this.

Okay, just promise me something.

No, no, no, no. No getting arrested.

No getting hurt.

And if anything goes wrong, I'll send an S.O.S.

I want you to give me a hand with something.

It's a stretch. Could be nothing.

This is your dad's stuff from high school.

Wow.

If I recall, he was making this video

for a science project.

C.R.A.T.E.R.

[man on TV] Rusty, we're rolling.

Russell DeWitt, Bixler Valley High.

And this is my senior year science project.

That's Dad.

I'd like to talk to you about earthquakes,

the greatest destructive force in the natural world.

And I ask, what if we had the power

to control an earthquake?

Imagine, changing and shifting the ground

simply through the power of technology.

That is C.R.A.T.E.R.

Computerized Remote-Activated Targeted Earth Rupture.

For years, my father's been feuding with our neighbors

over their property line.

This has been happening since the '80s?

The '80s wasn't so long ago.

Watch as I create a narrow chasm between them

dividing their yards, ending their turf war forever.

[computer chirping]

Right now, C.R.A.T.E.R. is sending precise

electromagnetic pulses through the earth's crust.

[dog barking]

[man] Uh, Rusty, you sure this is gonna work?

Whose voice is that?

Must be one of his dopey friends

he got to work the camera.

Just keep rolling.

Oh, no.

Uh, dude, it's turning.

Oh, no, turning.

It's turning the wrong way.

Uh, hey, look, Russ, I don't think this is the-- Oh, man.

That's what happened to my bird bath.

[metal groaning]

Look, this doesn't seem right-- No! No, no...

And that's what made the water tower go down.

Um...

Oh...

Let's cut there.

What does some old science project

have to do with his disappearance?

Hard to say, but I think I know what brought down

the library and the diner.Let me guess.

Computerized Remote-Activated Targeted Earth Rupture?

Exactly.

That's exactly it.

Kenzie, I think somebody's trying to bring

C.R.A.T.E.R. back online.

I see, well, I'll go call the commissioner

to find out which supervillains

are on the loose.

Kenzie, don't act like I'm crazy!

All right, don't you see what's coming?

Ah! Ugh!

What the...?

[indistinct shouting]

All right! Okay!

Yeah, take that.

Maybe now I'll get some service around here.

Cara Jean, you can blast my partner all you want,

but that is not gonna bring your dog home.

Why would you say that?

Ah, okay, all right!

Okay, all right.

[whispers] Sorry.

Thank you.

Skyler McMuffin has been missing for four whole days.

He could be in danger.

Do you know what it feels like to lose your best friend?

Okay.

All right, let's start at the beginning.

You tried the pound?Of course, I've tried the pound.

Idiot.

Mmm...

'Kay, I'm just gonna overlook that.

Uh, has he ever run away before?

Uh, twice in the summer,

but both times he came home the next day.

I have an idea.

When did Skyler go missing?

Do you remember the dates?

Um...July 9th, August 18th?

I think that's about right.

How did you know that?What are you getting at?

July 9th was the day the library collapsed.

August 18th was the diner.

Here.

Notice anything?

Bixler's got some ugly dogs?

No. Well, actually yeah.

But that's not what I'm saying.

My point is, you know how some people believe

that-- that dogs can sense an earthquake before it happens?

But we haven't had any earthquakes.

Unless they were small.

Isolated earthquakes too small for humans to feel,

precise enough to destroy a single target.

Maybe Skyler McMuffin knows knows something we don't.

Maybe the big one's still on the way.

I just want my dog back.

And excuse my language, but this sounds like

a load of baloney.

I'm a journalist. I stick to facts.

You're talking sci-fi.

[scoffs]

You both think I'm crazy.

I mean, Skyler McMuffin licks his own butt.

I don't think he's smart enough

to predict the weather.

I'm not talking about the weather.

Okay, you know what, you guys...

You guys just don't get it. I'm just gonna...

I'll solve this whole thing on my own.

Wait, Xan.

Don't be like that.

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Xander] Maybe I was going crazy.

Three months of this will do that to a guy.

Rusty, you sure this is gonna work?

Just keep rolling.

♪♪

♪ So don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy... ♪

[man on TV] Rusty, we're rolling.

♪♪

[phone chimes]

[Xander] Just when I was losing hope,

I got a message.

Now I knew I wasn't going crazy.

I was close.

[suspenseful music]

♪♪

♪♪

[thud]

[both screaming]Shh...

Xander, what are you doing here?

Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

Don't sneak up on me while I'm sleeping.

You creeper.Kenzie, look.

"Xander, C.R.A.T.E.R. is real. You're in danger.

Clock tower at 2:00 a.m. Come alone. Trust no one."

That's from my dad.

For the past three months, his phone's been off.

Straight to voicemail.

And then out of the blue, I just get this.

Call him back.

Oh, that's a good idea. Maybe I should--

I tried, Kenzie!

Same thing, straight to voicemail.

We gotta go.Clock tower, 2:00 a.m.

Yeah.That's 20 minutes from now.

Yeah, I know. Come on, get dressed.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. It says, "Come alone.

Trust no one."

Are you sure you want my help on this?

That's exactly what I've been doing.

Working alone, trusting no one.

That's until I met you.

Plus, you know, you're my partner

so I'm kind of in charge.

You just had to go and ruin it.

[distant wolves howling]

♪♪

I don't know about this.

What if it's some kind of trap?

[sighs] I'll go up alone.

If there's any trouble, you go for help.

[door creaking]

Dad?

Kenzie, what are you doing up here?

Stick to the plan.I think we need a new plan.

Xander...

I told you to come alone.

But you had to go and invite your little...

partner here.

I'm not the partner, he's the...

Oh, forget it.

Jack Finn?

Where's my dad?

Rusty has been working for me...

and he is finally completing his masterpiece.

"Rusty"? That's your voice on the old video.

You're making him build the C.R.A.T.E.R. device.

You see, I have a vision.

And I'm going to make this town great again.

With an earthquake?

Yes, with an earthquake!

The old library, it sat there for years

slowly falling apart.

That's because I'm the only one

who reads books anymore.

Until a small localized earthquake brought it down.

And the diner?

That's just an unfortunate target

after I found a Band-Aid in my chopped salad.

But my company is now getting paid

to rebuild them both.

Yeah, you're saying you're trying

to make this town great again,

but it sounds like you're just trying to make yourself rich.

Can't I do both at once?

I see you reaching for your phone.

Don't bother. No service up here.

You two know the most dangerous place to be during an earthquake?

Anywhere too high off the ground.

So tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.,

when the big one hits,

this old clock tower...

[chuckling]

Where's my dad?

Still playing detective till the very end.

Never stop digging, kid.

[door creaks, closes]No.

[pounding on door]Help!

[Kenzie] Hey, let us out.

[Xander] Let us out of here!

Hey!Hey!

[muffled shouting continues]

Jack Finn.

I knew all along!

Oh, you did not. You had no idea.

You even let him drive us home.

Well, it's always the person

that you least suspect.

So I was right in that way.

You know what? Forget it, okay?

That ladder goes nowhere, genius.

Hey, somebody please help!

Hey, hey, hey.Please! What?

I'm trying not to wake up the bats.

[bats squealing]

[gasps]

Whatever you do, do it quiet.

[lowers voice] Please! Help us!

We need your help. Please.

[door closes]

[distant dog barking]

Scooter's gone. Oh, Xan.

Teenagers, nothing but trouble.

Just like his old man.

Thought we had a deal, kid.

No phones. No way out.

Giant earthquake coming.

Ugh, this is really distressing.

Genius.

You're still not talking about me, are you?

We're in distress.Mm-hmm?

Right? So we gotta send a distress call.

Okay, but again no phones, so how are we gonna do that?

There.

That's how we're gonna do it.

We're gonna move the clock hands.

Oh, this thing hasn't worked in forever.

It's just stuck at 6:00.

[groans]

If I free up the gears,

you can grab this chain

and pull it backwards.

Backwards? Wouldn't it be easier to pull it forward?

Eh, it'll take too much time.

We need to stop it right at 5:05.

Why 5:05?

'Cause we're sending an S.O.S.

Come on, grab this chain.

All right, ready?Yeah.

Okay. [grunting]

Pull.

Xander!

Xander!Whoa, whoa, whoa...

The bats!All right, all right.

Coming down. Coming down.

Okay.All right.

Okay, all right.

Okay.[sighs]

You okay?

Yeah.

I think it's better if we do this together.

Okay.

[gears grinding]

Is it turning?Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on.

[dog barking]Princess!

What's gotten into you? Princess?

Excuse me, old man.

I'm looking for that bozo scooter jockey

who lives here.

Get in line. So am I.

He didn't come home last night.

Well, that makes both of them.

I think him and that Kenzie Messina

just up and skipped town with my couch money.

Something ain't right.

[gears grinding]

[both grunt]

[Xander] That's it. [Kenzie] We did it.

I've lived here 77 years

and that clock has never moved once.

Kid, you got something to write with?

I don't know how to use one of those.

Just write down this time-- 5:05.

Wait a second.

Give me that.

S.O.S.

What's that mean?

You, know how to drive?I'm ten.

You play any of those race car video games?

No.Both your feet work?

Yes.Here, take this and follow me.

What?

Just the last thing Jack said.

Something about digging, something like...

[recorder turns on]

[Jack on recording] Never stop digging, kid.

You recorded him?

Well, he didn't say, "off the record."

Play it again from the beginning.

[Charlie] You're all over the road.

[Cara Jean] Well, it's a very big vehicle.

[horn honking]Cut that out.

[tires screeching, horn honks]

You need some music.

♪ We're coming for ya ♪

Keep your eyes on the road!

♪ Coming for you, we're coming for ya ♪

That was a stop sign! Hit the brakes!

[horn blaring]Which one's the brakes?

Whoa![tires squealing]

[whining]

This is fun. I like driving.

Slow down, leadfoot!

This is not safe.

Hit the brake!Where's the brake again?

Left-- Your other left! Whoa!

[engine sputters off]

Oops.

[Xander] If you've ever spent the night in a giant clock before,

you know it's not exactly restful.

My partner and I have tra--Are you narrating?

Sorry.

[thud on door]

Whatever it is you kids are doing up here,

you're still doing it wrong.

Come on, let's go.

Took you long enough, Grandpa.

S.O.S. Pretty clever, kid.

The universal distress signal.[chuckling]

Okay, excuse my language,

but where the hickory dickory doc is my dog?

[low rumbling]

The earthquake is starting! We need to get out of here!

Grandpa, I don't have time to explain,

but Jack Finn is behind all this and he has Dad.

Jack Finn, I knew it!

Marie, if you're up there, just watch my back.

Guys, there's still time to stop C.R.A.T.E.R.

if I find my dad, but if we fail,

you gotta warn the whole town.

Don't worry. I trust you.

[scooter humming]

I'm driving.

[door opens]

You wanna tell me where we're going?

It's just a hunch, but if I'm right,

we'll crack this whole thing wide open.

Hang on.

[low rumbling]

Come on.

The last thing Jack Finn said to me

was, "Keep digging."

He also said that the most dangerous place

to be in an earthquake is up high.

By that logic... I think he's controlling

everything from somewhere very low.

I don't know, kid.

This mine has been abandoned for years.

Look. Footprints.

[Kenzie] Bixler Valley, this is not a drill.

I repeat, this is not a drill.

You need to evacuate.

The big one is coming!

Hey! Slow down!

Don't tell me how to drive!

Look out!

You first.

Save your battery.

Feels good being back on the job.

[Charlie] Unh!

[door squealing]

Dad!Xander!

Dad! [Charlie] Russell!

[laughter]

I knew you'd find me.

Come on, we're gonna get you out of here.

[computer voice] Security breach.The door! Stop the door!

A little help!Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm on it.

Just push it open. I already lost this leg once.

[Jake laughing]

Now, this is precious.

All three generations together again.

Oh, look, it's the dopey friend!

I notice you still got my son doing your homework for you.

Don't! Or do...

and I'll bring down the entire town right now.

Why don't you get over there next to your dad?

Xander, we are standing

at the forefront of history.

In a few years, when everything out there

is big and beautiful and new again,

people will say that this earthquake

was the best thing that ever happened to Bixler Valley.

And, Charlie, don't you want to spend your retirement years

in a town with a future?

[computer voice] C.R.A.T.E.R. activated.

Charlie? Unh!

My retirement's over, pal.

Now, that felt really good.

[countdown beeping]

[Russell] Okay, four minutes. We can do this.

Give me the tablet. Time to stop this madness.

And save the town.

[tablet beeping]

Dad, the tablet is locked,

and you just knocked out the only guy who had the code.

Well, next time, tell me that.

I can't think of everything.

All right, we need to crack the code and kill the power.

I got this. I can do this.

If there's prints, I can get us in.

Oh, no, no, no. My phone's dead.

[low rumbling]

[people shouting]

[Kenzie] Seriously, people, move your butts!

Get off the street! Get to safety!

The big one is coming. This is only the beginning.

[people shouting]

[woman] Take cover!

Get out now before it's too late!

Run for your lives!

And if you see a little pink dog,

his name is Skyler Mc-- Not now!

Ewww!

Slow down, Cara Jean!

I'm trying to outrun an earthquake here,

and you're telling me to slow down?!

Where did you learn how to drive?!

Don't panic. We'll do this old-school.

Dad.

Okay, these four prints are the most prominent.

Four digits in varying order means...

[all] 24 possible variations.

Let's hope none of those digits are repeats, or else we're--

Just start trying them, okay?

That clock is not slowing down.

[computer voice] C.R.A.T.E.R. in 30 seconds.

[countdown buzzing]

3-4-2-1.

4-2-1-3. C.R.A.T.E.R. in ten... nine...

eight... seven...Genius.

Who? Me? No, me.

...six... five...

four... three...

two...Boom.

C.R.A.T.E.R. is deactivated.

[powering down]

1-2-3-4, you couldn't try that one first?

[chuckling]

[Kenzie] Wait, stop. Listen.

[rumbling stops]

Xander did it.

He stopped the earthquake.

I'll allow the joke one time, kid.

Looks like we got the leg up on old Jack Finn.

[laughing]

Thank you, buddy.Sure, Dad.

Give him a hand, would you?

I'll be out by noon. This is ridiculous.

Whoa! Where you going?

[sobbing] It wasn't supposed to end like this!

Are you crying?No!

You are! Watch your head.

Holy cow. Unreal.

[chuckling] Wow!

He fooled you two guys, right?

I'm here with two brave young women

who lead dozens of civilians to safety.

Girls, can you tell us a little about what you saw today?

Happy to, Diane.

Margaret MacKenzie Messina here,

and this is "The Kenzie File."

With a rumble and a roar, the ground shook beneath our feet

here in Bixler Valley--

I'm a 10-year-old girl looking for her dog.

His name is Skyler McMuffin.[man] Cut the camera!

He's got blonde hair, and there's no time to waste.I said to cut!

Run to the streets. Search every--Go to break!

♪♪

♪♪

[Xander] Welcome home, Dad.

Okay, let's get the three DeWitt generations together.

[Charlie] Here we go.Yeah.

This mean you're gonna be coming around more often?

Yeah, Dad.

And not just for the holidays.

Great.Right?

Smile, guys!

[camera shutter clicks]

I think I might finish up

the school year here in Bixler.

[Russell] Really?[Charlie] Just like your old man!

[Russell] I like that idea.

[both chuckling]

What's the matter?

I thought you'd be excited that the motorhome was gone.

I don't know, I kind of miss

having a target for my peach pit.

[laughing]

That's some pretty impressive detective work, kid.

Thank you, man. Come here.

We're just gonna hug it out?

All right, we're doing this?

Okay. [chuckling]

Thank you, Grandpa.Thanks, kid.

[chuckles] Xander!

Oh, sorry.

Look who it is.

Cara Jean Sprule of the fifth grade.

And Skyler McMuffin.

Where'd you find him?Get this.

He was under my bed the whole time.

[laughing]Hmm!

I-- This is why I don't do lost pets.

He's not a pet. He's my best friend.

Aren't you, Skyler? I love you!

[both chuckling]

I, uh, I gotta admit.

We make a pretty good team.

Yep, and I got the biggest story of my life.

And I got my father back.

Partners? Partners.

You two finally gonna kiss or what?

What? No, Gramp, no, no!We work together!

Okay, just let me know if you're gonna kiss

and I'll get lost.Uh...

Wha-- Ahem!

♪♪

[Xander] So, Kenzie and I got right to work

on our next big case.

And, yeah, that's a wrap.

So, thanks for watching.

Okay, I know what you're waiting for,

but partners don't kiss.

All right, that's not gonna happen.

There's nothing to see here. It's the end.

All right, the end.

Did I mention it's the end?

Can, uh, can a guy get some privacy here?

Okay, just cut to black!

♪♪

♪ Tick tock, this clock is off ♪

♪ You say it's too late, but I swear it's not ♪

♪ Realities or are they dreams untrue ♪

♪ I'm walking on walls ♪

♪ Either up or it's down, I'm about to fall ♪

♪ So tell me, please, are these dreams with you? ♪

♪ Everybody says that it's meant to be ♪

♪ But I don't think I'm looking at the things you see ♪

♪ It's up, it's down, we're lost, we're found ♪

♪ Can't get it all in my head ♪

♪ You keep calling me your dream come true ♪

♪ Then you don't call again for a week or two ♪

♪ You're here, you're gone, you're mine, you're not ♪

♪ You're playing with my head ♪

♪ So don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Oh, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Tick tock, this time it's done ♪

♪ It's time to do what you want ♪

♪ Reality is not a dream ♪

♪ This time, nah ♪

♪ So I'm tearing down the walls ♪

♪ Can't keep 'em up, so they gotta fall ♪

♪ Gotta leave all these dreams to die ♪

♪ So don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Oh, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Tick tock, this time it's done ♪

♪ It's time to do what you want ♪

♪ Reality is not a dream ♪

♪ This time, nah ♪

♪ So I'm tearing down the walls ♪

♪ Can't keep 'em up, so they gotta fall ♪

♪ Gotta leave all these dreams to die ♪

♪ Everybody said it was meant to be ♪

♪ But I don't think they're looking at the things I see ♪

♪ It's up, it's down, we're lost, we're found ♪

♪ Can't get it all in my head ♪

♪ Stop calling me your dream come true ♪

♪ 'Cause I've heard enough for a life or two ♪

♪ You're here, you're gone, you're mine, you're not ♪

♪ You stay inside my head ♪

♪ So don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ And don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Don't call me ♪

♪ No, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy, don't call me crazy ♪

♪ Crazy ♪

♪ Tick tock, this clock is off ♪

♪ You say it's too late, but I swear it's not ♪

♪ Realities or are they dreams untrue ♪

♪ I'm walking on the walls ♪

♪ Either up or it's down, I'm about to fall ♪

♪ So tell me please, are these dreams with you? ♪♪