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COMEDY CENTRAL
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♪ I'M GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
3
00:00:10,192 --> 00:00:12,361
♪ GONNA HAVE
MYSELF A TIME ♪
4
00:00:12,361 --> 00:00:13,663
♪ FRIENDLY FACES
EVERYWHERE ♪
5
00:00:13,663 --> 00:00:15,398
♪ HUMBLE FOLKS
WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪
6
00:00:15,398 --> 00:00:16,699
♪ GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
7
00:00:16,699 --> 00:00:18,868
♪ GONNA LEAVE MY
WOES BEHIND ♪
8
00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,603
♪ AMPLE PARKING
DAY OR NIGHT ♪
9
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,904
♪ PEOPLE SPOUTING
"HOWDY NEIGHBOR" ♪
10
00:00:22,338 --> 00:00:23,639
♪ HEADIN' ON UP
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
11
00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ GONNA SEE
IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪
12
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,844
♪ ( muffled mumble
muffled mumble ) ♪
13
00:00:28,844 --> 00:00:30,146
♪ SO COME ON DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
14
00:00:30,146 --> 00:00:32,314
♪ AND MEET SOME
FRIENDS OF MINE ♪♪
15
00:00:35,584 --> 00:00:37,319
( Mr. Mackey )
M'KAY, KIDS,
16
00:00:37,319 --> 00:00:39,055
CAN I HAVE IT
QUIET, PLEASE ?
17
00:00:39,055 --> 00:00:40,790
M'KAY.
18
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:45,127
M'KAY, QUIET NOW, THE ASSEMBLY
IS ABOUT TO START, M'KAY.
19
00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:48,164
QUIET, M'KAY.
20
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:50,766
( loud feedback )
21
00:00:50,766 --> 00:00:52,501
( kids screaming )
22
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,236
M'KAY.
23
00:00:54,236 --> 00:00:56,839
UH, NOW KIDS, WE HAVE A REALLY
FUN MOTIVATIONAL GROUP TODAY
24
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,140
WHO ARE GONNA TALK TO YOU
25
00:00:58,574 --> 00:01:00,743
ABOUT THE DANGERS
OF SMOKIN', M'KAY.
26
00:01:00,743 --> 00:01:02,044
SO PLEASE GIVE A VERY BIG
27
00:01:02,478 --> 00:01:05,514
SOUTH PARK COWS WELCOME
TO-- BUTT OUT !
28
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,286
WOO-HOO !
ALL RIGHT !
29
00:01:10,286 --> 00:01:12,021
GET THOSE HANDS UP !
30
00:01:14,190 --> 00:01:15,925
♪ BUTT OUT
YEAH, YEAH ♪
31
00:01:15,925 --> 00:01:17,660
♪ GIVE THAT CIGARETTE BUTT
A THROW ♪
32
00:01:18,094 --> 00:01:19,829
♪ BUTT OUT
UH-HUH ♪
33
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:23,733
♪ SMOKING'S GOT TO GO ♪♪
34
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,468
OH, NO.
35
00:01:25,468 --> 00:01:26,335
YEAH !
WOO-HOO !
36
00:01:26,335 --> 00:01:27,636
HEY, STUDENTS !
37
00:01:27,636 --> 00:01:29,805
HOW ARE WE ALL FEELING
TODAY ? WOOO !
38
00:01:30,239 --> 00:01:31,540
HEY, DID YOU GUYS KNOW
THAT EACH YEAR
39
00:01:31,540 --> 00:01:34,577
OVER 600,000 PEOPLE A YEAR
DIE FROM SMOKING ?
40
00:01:34,577 --> 00:01:35,878
A YEAR !
41
00:01:35,878 --> 00:01:37,179
600,000 ?
42
00:01:37,613 --> 00:01:39,782
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT
JUST BLOWING SMOKE ?
43
00:01:39,782 --> 00:01:41,517
( laughing )
44
00:01:41,517 --> 00:01:43,252
BLOW SMOKE, US ?
NO WAY !
45
00:01:43,252 --> 00:01:44,553
BECAUSE WE DON'T
NEED TO SMOKE
46
00:01:44,987 --> 00:01:46,288
AND NEITHER DO YOU,
RIGHT, KIDS ?
47
00:01:46,288 --> 00:01:47,590
BUTT OUT !
48
00:01:48,023 --> 00:01:48,891
BREAK IT DOWN !
49
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:50,626
( beat-boxing )
50
00:01:50,626 --> 00:01:51,927
BUTT OUT !
YEAH YEAH !
51
00:01:52,361 --> 00:01:54,096
IT'S COOL TO SAY NO !
52
00:01:54,096 --> 00:01:56,265
BUTT OUT !
UH-HUH !
53
00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:58,434
SMOKING'S GOT TO GO !
54
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,603
( beat-boxing )
55
00:02:00,603 --> 00:02:01,904
SMOKIN', NO.
56
00:02:01,904 --> 00:02:04,073
NO SMOKIN' !
57
00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:05,808
FREESTYLE !
58
00:02:05,808 --> 00:02:06,675
VERNON !
59
00:02:06,675 --> 00:02:07,543
CHI-STOP.
60
00:02:07,977 --> 00:02:08,844
CHA-CHA CHI-CHI.
61
00:02:08,844 --> 00:02:11,013
DON'T SMOKE !
DON'T EVER SMOKE !
62
00:02:11,447 --> 00:02:12,314
KYLE !
63
00:02:12,314 --> 00:02:14,483
B- TO THE U-
TO THE T- TO THE...
64
00:02:14,483 --> 00:02:16,218
DUDE, THIS IS
UNBEARABLE.
65
00:02:16,218 --> 00:02:17,953
I'M GOING TO
KILL MYSELF.
66
00:02:17,953 --> 00:02:19,688
... TO THE E- TO THE T-
TO THE T- TO THE E.
67
00:02:19,688 --> 00:02:20,990
BUTT OUT, CIGARETTES !
68
00:02:20,990 --> 00:02:22,291
RANDY !
69
00:02:22,291 --> 00:02:23,159
SMOKE YOU KNOW
HAS GOT TO GO !
70
00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:24,894
YOU GO TO KNOW,
YOU GOTTA SAY...
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00:02:25,327 --> 00:02:27,062
AAAGH !
72
00:02:27,062 --> 00:02:28,364
PAM !
73
00:02:28,364 --> 00:02:29,665
( imitating tire squeal )
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00:02:29,665 --> 00:02:30,533
( crash )
75
00:02:30,966 --> 00:02:33,135
( screeching )
DOOON'T SMOOOKE !
76
00:02:33,569 --> 00:02:35,304
WOO HOO !
ALL RIGHT !
77
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,907
YOU GUYS, KENNY'S
EATING HIS OWN HAND.
78
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,642
HEY, WHAT'S
THE BIG DEAL ?!
79
00:02:39,642 --> 00:02:42,244
I LIKE SMOKING, AND IT
MAKES ME COOL !
80
00:02:42,244 --> 00:02:43,546
OH REALLY ?
81
00:02:43,546 --> 00:02:45,281
DO YOU THINK LUNG CANCER
IS COOL, TOO ?
82
00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:47,449
WHAT ABOUT EMPHYSEMA,
IS THAT COOL ?
83
00:02:47,449 --> 00:02:49,185
AND WHAT ABOUT
ABORTION AND AIDS ?!
84
00:02:49,185 --> 00:02:50,920
THAT'S NONES THE COOL !
85
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:51,787
WORD !
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00:02:51,787 --> 00:02:53,088
YEAH, SO BUTT OUT !
87
00:02:53,522 --> 00:02:54,824
♪ BUTT OUT
YEAH, YEAH ♪
88
00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:56,992
♪ GIVE THAT CIGARETTE BUTT
A THROW... ♪
89
00:02:56,992 --> 00:02:59,161
AGH, JESUS CHRIST !
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00:02:59,161 --> 00:03:00,462
♪ SMOKING'S GOT TO GO ♪♪
91
00:03:00,896 --> 00:03:02,198
REMEMBER KIDS,
IF YOU SMOKE,
92
00:03:02,198 --> 00:03:03,933
YOU COULD GROW UP
TO BE A FAILURE.
93
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,101
WORSE YET, YOU COULD
GROW UP TO BE DEAD !
94
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:07,403
SO DON'T BELIEVE
95
00:03:07,403 --> 00:03:08,704
WHAT THOSE EVIL TOBACCO
COMPANIES TELL YOU !
96
00:03:08,704 --> 00:03:10,005
YEAH !
97
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,740
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T SMOKE
YOU CAN GROW UP TO BE--
98
00:03:11,740 --> 00:03:14,343
JUST LIKE US !!
99
00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:18,681
( all coughing )
100
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:19,548
HERE, HERE,
101
00:03:19,548 --> 00:03:21,283
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE,
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.
102
00:03:21,283 --> 00:03:23,018
OH DUDE,
THIS IS REALLY HARD.
103
00:03:23,018 --> 00:03:25,621
OH ( bleep ),
HERE COMES MR. MACKEY !
104
00:03:26,055 --> 00:03:27,356
THROW 'EM AWAY !
105
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,657
( coughing )
106
00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:30,392
DUDE, HERE HE COMES.
107
00:03:30,392 --> 00:03:31,694
WE GOTTA STOP
COUGHING !
108
00:03:36,899 --> 00:03:39,501
BOYS, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING BACK HERE ?
109
00:03:42,538 --> 00:03:43,839
I ASKED YOU A QUESTION.
110
00:03:43,839 --> 00:03:47,309
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
BACK HERE, M'KAY ?
111
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:48,611
NUBBI.
112
00:03:48,611 --> 00:03:50,346
WHAT ?
113
00:03:50,346 --> 00:03:53,816
NUBBI-- NOB--
NUBB--
114
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,985
AHH, SICK !
115
00:03:56,418 --> 00:03:58,587
GROSS, DUDE !
116
00:03:58,587 --> 00:04:00,322
WELL HEY, IF I DIDN'T
KNOW ANY BETTER
117
00:04:00,322 --> 00:04:02,925
I'D THINK YOU BOYS
HAD BEEN SMOKING !
118
00:04:02,925 --> 00:04:04,226
NO.
119
00:04:04,226 --> 00:04:06,395
NO, MR. MACKEY, WE DON'T
HAVE ANY CIGARETTES.
120
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:07,696
WELL, YOU BETTER NOT
121
00:04:07,696 --> 00:04:10,299
BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ABOUT SMOKING.
122
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:13,335
UH, SMOKING'S BAD, M'KAY.
123
00:04:13,335 --> 00:04:16,372
AND IF YOU START SMOKING
AT AN EARLY AGE, M'KAY,
124
00:04:16,372 --> 00:04:18,974
IT'S GONNA BE BAD, M'KAY ?
125
00:04:18,974 --> 00:04:20,709
BECAUSE SMOKING
CAN LEAD TO
126
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:23,746
ALL KINDS OF HEALTH PROBLEMS
LIKE CANCER, M'KAY.
127
00:04:23,746 --> 00:04:25,481
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT CANCER.
128
00:04:25,915 --> 00:04:28,083
UH, CANCER'S BAD, M'KAY.
129
00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:31,987
AND, UH--
WHAT, WHAT THE ?
130
00:04:31,987 --> 00:04:34,590
HOLY ( bleep ), M'KAY !
131
00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:38,060
( fire alarm
ringing )
132
00:04:38,060 --> 00:04:40,229
AGH, JESUS CHRIST !
133
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,169
WHOOPS.
134
00:04:47,169 --> 00:04:50,205
WELL, YOU BOYS HAVE CERTAINLY
DONE IT THIS TIME !
135
00:04:50,205 --> 00:04:52,374
♪ WE'RE SOR-RY. ♪
136
00:04:52,374 --> 00:04:53,676
NOT AS SORRY AS
YOU'RE GOING TO BE
137
00:04:53,676 --> 00:04:54,543
WHEN YOUR PARENTS
GET HERE.
138
00:04:54,977 --> 00:04:56,278
AH, HERE THEY COME NOW.
139
00:04:56,278 --> 00:04:58,013
OH, GOD.
140
00:04:58,013 --> 00:05:00,182
( knocking )
141
00:05:00,616 --> 00:05:01,917
COME ON IN !
142
00:05:01,917 --> 00:05:04,954
STANLEY, WHAT DID YOU DO
THIS TIME ?!
143
00:05:05,387 --> 00:05:07,122
YOU BETTER BRACE
YOURSELVES, PARENTS.
144
00:05:07,122 --> 00:05:10,159
THE BOYS WERE CAUGHT...
SMOKING.
145
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:11,460
SMOKING ?!
146
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:13,195
NO !
IT CAN'T BE !
147
00:05:13,195 --> 00:05:14,930
MY SON IS NOT
A FILTHY SMOKER !
148
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:16,231
MOM...
149
00:05:16,231 --> 00:05:17,533
DAD, IT WAS JUST--
150
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,268
I DON'T HAVE A SON !
151
00:05:19,268 --> 00:05:20,569
ERIC !
152
00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:21,870
YOU'VE DONE A LOT OF HORRIBLE
THINGS IN YOUR LIFE,
153
00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,172
BUT SMOKING ?
154
00:05:23,172 --> 00:05:24,473
YOU ARE GROUNDED
FOR THREE WEEKS !
155
00:05:24,473 --> 00:05:25,774
THREE WEEKS ?!
156
00:05:25,774 --> 00:05:27,509
ARE YOU ( bleeping )
KIDDING ME ?!
157
00:05:27,509 --> 00:05:29,244
HAVEN'T YOU BOYS HEARD
ANYTHING ABOUT HOW HARMFUL
158
00:05:29,244 --> 00:05:30,980
SMOKING IS TO YOU
AND THOSE AROUND YOU ?
159
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:32,281
OF COURSE THEY HAVEN'T
160
00:05:32,281 --> 00:05:34,450
BECAUSE THE TOBACCO COMPANIES
HAVE GOTTEN TO THEM FIRST !
161
00:05:34,450 --> 00:05:36,185
THIS IS REALLY THEIR FAULT !
162
00:05:36,618 --> 00:05:39,221
YEAH, THIS IS REALLY
THEIR FAULT !
163
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:41,390
NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY
THE ANTI-SMOKING GROUPS SPEND
164
00:05:41,390 --> 00:05:43,993
THE TOBACCO COMPANIES ARE THERE
TO FILL OUR CHILDREN'S HEADS
165
00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:47,029
WITH LIES AND PROPAGANDA
THAT MAKE THEM WANT TO SMOKE.
166
00:05:47,029 --> 00:05:48,764
YEAH, HUH ?!
167
00:05:48,764 --> 00:05:50,499
IT'S LIKE THE TOBACCO COMPANIES
HAVE CONTROL OF MY MIND.
168
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:52,668
NO, MUST FIGHT IT--
169
00:05:52,668 --> 00:05:54,837
TOBACCO COMPANIES MAKING ME
WANT TO SMOKE--
170
00:05:55,270 --> 00:05:56,138
AGH !
171
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,439
OH MY GOODNESS,
I HAD NO IDEA !
172
00:05:57,873 --> 00:05:59,174
ARE YOU OKAY,
SWEETIE ?
173
00:05:59,174 --> 00:06:00,909
WELL, THOSE GODDAMN
TOBACCO COMPANIES
174
00:06:01,343 --> 00:06:02,644
AREN'T GONNA HAVE
CONTROL OVER MY KID !
175
00:06:03,078 --> 00:06:04,813
I SAY WE
BRING THEM DOWN !
176
00:06:04,813 --> 00:06:06,115
WE NEED THE HELP
OF THE GREATEST
177
00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:08,283
ANTI-SMOKING CELEBRITY
THAT EVER LIVED !
178
00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:10,886
ROB REINER.
179
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,055
WHO'S ROB REINER ?
180
00:06:15,657 --> 00:06:17,393
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT !
181
00:06:17,393 --> 00:06:19,995
I PUSHED A LAW FOR
HIGHER TAXES ON CIGARETTES,
182
00:06:19,995 --> 00:06:21,730
I LOBBY TO GET IMAGES
OF CIGARETTES
183
00:06:22,164 --> 00:06:23,465
REMOVED FROM MOVIES AND ART,
184
00:06:23,899 --> 00:06:26,068
I FORCE SMOKERS
OUT OF BARS AND PARKS--
185
00:06:26,068 --> 00:06:27,803
BUT STILL I GET LETTERS
FROM PARENTS
186
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:29,972
SAYING THEIR KIDS
ARE DOING IT !
187
00:06:32,574 --> 00:06:34,309
APPARENTLY, PEOPLE
STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND
188
00:06:34,309 --> 00:06:36,478
HOW BAD SMOKING IS
FOR THEM !
189
00:06:36,912 --> 00:06:39,081
DON'T THEY KNOW HOW DANGEROUS
IT IS TO THEIR HEALTH ?!
190
00:06:39,081 --> 00:06:41,683
DON'T THEY KNOW THE HAZARD
OF SECONDHAND SMOKE ?!
191
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:42,985
ACCORDING TO
THE LETTER, SIR,
192
00:06:43,419 --> 00:06:46,021
THE TOWN HAS A TOBACCO
COMPANY QUITE NEAR THEM.
193
00:06:46,021 --> 00:06:47,322
YEAH, THAT MUST BE IT !
194
00:06:47,322 --> 00:06:49,491
THE TOBACCO COMPANIES WITH
THEIR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
195
00:06:49,491 --> 00:06:51,660
AND THEIR SLICK DESKS
AND FANCY BUILDINGS !
196
00:06:52,094 --> 00:06:54,696
THEY'RE THE ONES MAKING
CHILDREN WANT TO SMOKE.
197
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:58,167
THEY'RE THE ONES HURTING
OUR NATION'S HEALTH !
198
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,335
I WILL NOT STAND BY AND
SEE THE CHILDREN OF AMERICA
199
00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:02,938
CORRUPTED BY
THOSE BASTARDS !
200
00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:04,673
THIS IS WAR !
201
00:07:08,143 --> 00:07:10,746
YOU GUYS, MAYBE WE SHOULD
COME CLEAN RIGHT NOW
202
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:12,481
AND TELL EVERYONE THAT IT
WASN'T THE TOBACCO COMPANIES
203
00:07:12,481 --> 00:07:13,782
THAT MADE US
WANT TO SMOKE.
204
00:07:13,782 --> 00:07:15,084
WHAT ?
205
00:07:15,084 --> 00:07:16,385
WHY ?
IT'S PERFECT !
206
00:07:16,385 --> 00:07:17,252
IF EVERYONE'S BLAMING
THE TOBACCO COMPANIES,
207
00:07:17,686 --> 00:07:18,554
THEN NOBODY'S
BLAMING US !
208
00:07:18,987 --> 00:07:19,855
YEAH, WHAT'S THE PROBLEM ?
209
00:07:19,855 --> 00:07:21,156
IT'S JUST THAT--
210
00:07:21,156 --> 00:07:22,458
THIS SEEMS LIKE ANOTHER
ONE OF THOSE TIMES
211
00:07:22,458 --> 00:07:23,759
WHEN THINGS ARE GONNA GET
WAY OUT OF HAND, YOU KNOW ?
212
00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:25,060
IT'S BEEN HAPPENING
A LOT LATELY.
213
00:07:25,060 --> 00:07:27,663
HOW ABOUT THIS TIME WE JUST
PUT A STOP TO IT RIGHT NOW ?
214
00:07:27,663 --> 00:07:28,964
DUMBASS,
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE
215
00:07:28,964 --> 00:07:30,265
GROUNDED FOR
THREE WEEKS, DO YOU ?
216
00:07:30,265 --> 00:07:31,133
YEAH, DON'T WORRY, DUDE,
217
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:32,434
THINGS AREN'T GONNA
GET OUT OF HAND.
218
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:34,169
HERE HE COMES !
219
00:07:46,315 --> 00:07:47,616
DAMMIT.
220
00:07:47,616 --> 00:07:48,917
( straining )
221
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:51,520
BUTTER !
BUTTER !
222
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:53,255
WHAT'D HE SAY ?
223
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,990
BUTTER !
224
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:04,533
( crowd cheering )
225
00:08:09,738 --> 00:08:11,473
( panting )
226
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,245
HELLO, SOUTH PARK !
227
00:08:19,715 --> 00:08:22,317
IT IS SO NICE TO SEE
AN ENTIRE TOWN COME TOGETHER
228
00:08:22,317 --> 00:08:24,920
TO FIGHT FOR GOOD HEALTH !
229
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,956
AND I'M GONNA
HELP YOU !
230
00:08:27,956 --> 00:08:30,125
THESE POOR,
INNOCENT CHILDREN
231
00:08:30,125 --> 00:08:32,294
HAVE BEEN SEDUCED INTO
SMOKING TOBACCO.
232
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:35,764
SO I SAY, WE FIGHT FIRE
WITH FIRE !
233
00:08:36,198 --> 00:08:37,499
WE'RE GONNA USE
THESE CHILDREN
234
00:08:37,933 --> 00:08:40,102
TO BRING THE TOBACCO
COMPANY DOWN !
235
00:08:43,572 --> 00:08:44,873
OH, NO.
236
00:08:50,179 --> 00:08:52,347
ALL RIGHT, KIDS, HERE'S
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
237
00:08:52,347 --> 00:08:54,516
WE'RE GONNA SNEAK YOU
INTO THE TOBACCO COMPANY
238
00:08:54,516 --> 00:08:57,986
BY SAYING YOU KIDS WANT
A TOUR FOR A SCHOOL PAPER.
239
00:08:57,986 --> 00:09:01,023
ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE,
I'M GONNA TAKE PHOTOS
240
00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:04,059
AND THEN WE'LL PUBLISH THEM,
SAYING THE TOBACCO COMPANY
241
00:09:04,059 --> 00:09:07,095
INVITED YOU OVER TO
SEDUCE YOU INTO SMOKING !
242
00:09:07,095 --> 00:09:08,397
GOT IT ?!
243
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:09,698
GOT IT !
244
00:09:09,698 --> 00:09:12,301
BUT-- ISN'T THAT
KIND OF LYING ?
245
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:14,903
WE'RE JUST LEVELING OUT
THE PLAYING FIELD.
246
00:09:14,903 --> 00:09:16,205
THE TOBACCO COMPANIES
LIE TO YOU
247
00:09:16,205 --> 00:09:17,940
ABOUT THE DANGERS
OF SMOKING.
248
00:09:17,940 --> 00:09:19,675
IF WE'RE GONNA
TAKE THEM DOWN
249
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:21,410
WE'VE GOTTA LIE
RIGHT BACK !
250
00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:23,579
( sniffing )
251
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:30,085
OH MY GOD !
252
00:09:30,085 --> 00:09:32,688
( coughs )
253
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:34,856
( coughs louder )
254
00:09:37,893 --> 00:09:38,760
EXCUSE ME !
255
00:09:39,194 --> 00:09:40,495
YES ?
256
00:09:40,495 --> 00:09:43,532
WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING
THAT DEATH STICK OUT ?!
257
00:09:43,532 --> 00:09:45,701
BUT, UH, THIS IS A BAR.
258
00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:47,436
ISN'T SMOKING ILLEGAL
IN BARS HERE ?
259
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:49,171
NOT IN COLORADO.
260
00:09:49,171 --> 00:09:50,472
OH MY GOD !
261
00:09:50,472 --> 00:09:53,075
WHAT KIND OF BACKWARD,
HICK STATE IS THIS ?!
262
00:09:53,075 --> 00:09:55,244
LOOK, MAN, I WORK 14 HOURS
A DAY AT THE SAW MILL.
263
00:09:55,677 --> 00:09:57,846
I JUST GOT OFF WORK
AND I NEED TO RELAX.
264
00:09:57,846 --> 00:09:59,147
WELL, WHEN I RELAX,
265
00:09:59,147 --> 00:10:00,882
I JUST GO TO MY
VACATION HOUSE IN HAWAII !
266
00:10:01,316 --> 00:10:03,919
I AIN'T GOT A
VACATION HOUSE IN HAWAII.
267
00:10:03,919 --> 00:10:06,088
YOUR VACATION HOUSE
IN MEXICO THEN,
268
00:10:06,088 --> 00:10:07,389
WHATEVER IT IS !
269
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,859
LOOK, YOU ARE PUTTING MY LIFE
AND THESE BOYS' LIVES IN DANGER
270
00:10:10,859 --> 00:10:12,594
BY SMOKING THAT IN HERE.
271
00:10:12,594 --> 00:10:14,329
AND I AM NOT GONNA
TOLERATE IT !
272
00:10:14,329 --> 00:10:16,932
I WILL END SMOKING
IN BARS IN COLORADO !
273
00:10:16,932 --> 00:10:19,968
THERE WILL BE
NO MORE SMOKING !
274
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,270
ISN'T HE AWESOME,
YOU GUYS ?
275
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:22,571
WHAT ?!
276
00:10:23,005 --> 00:10:24,740
DUDE, HE JUST GOES AROUND
IMPOSING HIS WILL ON PEOPLE.
277
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:26,475
HE'S MY IDOL.
278
00:10:29,077 --> 00:10:31,246
ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
JUST DO WHAT I TELL YOU,
279
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:32,981
AND WE'LL BE ABLE TO SUE
THIS TOBACCO COMPANY
280
00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:35,584
FOR $2 BILLION !
281
00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:37,319
AS SOON AS WE GET INTO
THE MAIN FACILITY
282
00:10:37,319 --> 00:10:39,054
I'LL SNAP THE PHOTO
OF YOU KIDS
283
00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:40,355
AND WE CAN ALL
RUN OUT.
284
00:10:40,355 --> 00:10:41,657
THINK YOU CAN
HANDLE IT ?
285
00:10:41,657 --> 00:10:42,958
HANDLE IT ?
286
00:10:42,958 --> 00:10:45,560
FOR $2 BILLION I'D HANDLE
MY GRANDPA'S BALLS, SIR.
287
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:46,862
ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
288
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:48,597
OKAY, NOW WATCH
YOURSELVES, KIDS.
289
00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:50,332
THESE TOBACCO COMPANY PEOPLE
WILL DO ANYTHING
290
00:10:50,766 --> 00:10:52,934
TO GET YOU HOOKED
ON SMOKING.
291
00:10:52,934 --> 00:10:56,405
THEY ARE LIARS
AND THEY ARE FRAUDS !
292
00:10:56,405 --> 00:10:58,140
CAN I HELP YOU ?
293
00:10:58,573 --> 00:11:00,309
YES, MY NAME IS
RITA POON,
294
00:11:00,742 --> 00:11:03,345
I CALLED ABOUT MY BOYS
WANTING A TOUR.
295
00:11:03,345 --> 00:11:05,080
AH YES, MRS. POON.
296
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:05,947
MY NAME'S
KEVIN HARRIS
297
00:11:06,381 --> 00:11:08,116
AND I'M THE VICE PRESIDENT
OF BIG TOBACCO.
298
00:11:08,116 --> 00:11:10,285
HELLO, MR. HARRIS.
299
00:11:10,285 --> 00:11:11,586
WELL, COME ON IN !
300
00:11:12,020 --> 00:11:13,755
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE
HISTORY FIRST ?
301
00:11:14,189 --> 00:11:16,792
NATIVE AMERICANS WERE THE FIRST
TO CULTIVATE THE TOBACCO PLANT.
302
00:11:16,792 --> 00:11:18,093
THEY SMOKED IT IN PIPES
303
00:11:18,093 --> 00:11:20,696
FOR MEDICINAL AND
CEREMONIAL PURPOSES.
304
00:11:20,696 --> 00:11:22,864
NOT IF I WERE AROUND
THEY WOULDN'T HAVE !
305
00:11:22,864 --> 00:11:23,732
EXCUSE ME ?
306
00:11:23,732 --> 00:11:25,467
OH, NOTHING !
PLEASE CONTINUE !
307
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,202
THE FIRST SUCCESSFUL
COMMERCIAL CROP OF TOBACCO
308
00:11:27,202 --> 00:11:29,805
WAS CULTIVATED
IN VIRGINIA IN 1612.
309
00:11:29,805 --> 00:11:31,106
WITHIN SEVEN YEARS
IT WAS ONE OF THE COUNTRY'S
310
00:11:31,106 --> 00:11:32,841
LARGEST EXPORTS !
311
00:11:32,841 --> 00:11:34,576
SO, TOBACCO HELPED
TO BUILD AMERICA.
312
00:11:34,576 --> 00:11:35,877
THAT'S RIGHT.
313
00:11:35,877 --> 00:11:37,179
OVER THE NEXT FEW CENTURIES,
314
00:11:37,179 --> 00:11:38,914
THE TOBACCO BUSINESS
WAS SO GREAT
315
00:11:38,914 --> 00:11:40,215
THAT MANY SLAVES WERE
BROUGHT FROM AFRICA
316
00:11:40,649 --> 00:11:41,950
TO HELP WORK THE FIELDS.
317
00:11:41,950 --> 00:11:43,685
WHICH MEANS IF IT
WEREN'T FOR TOBACCO
318
00:11:43,685 --> 00:11:46,288
MANY OF OUR BLACK FRIENDS
WOULDN'T BE HERE TODAY.
319
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,890
AND SO FOR CENTURIES, TOBACCO
PRODUCTION FLOURISHED.
320
00:11:49,324 --> 00:11:51,059
NOBODY WAS EVEN AWARE
OF ANY DANGERS BACK THEN,
321
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:54,529
UNTIL, IN 1965, WHEN
CONGRESS PASSED AN ACT
322
00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,264
FORCING ALL TOBACCO COMPANIES
323
00:11:56,264 --> 00:11:58,433
TO PUT THE SURGEON GENERAL'S
WARNING ON THEIR PACKAGES.
324
00:11:58,433 --> 00:12:01,036
SO NOW, EVERYONE KNOWS
THE DANGERS OF SMOKING.
325
00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:02,771
AND SOME PEOPLE
STILL CHOOSE TO DO IT,
326
00:12:02,771 --> 00:12:05,807
AND WE BELIEVE THAT'S WHAT BEING
AN AMERICAN IS ALL ABOUT.
327
00:12:05,807 --> 00:12:07,976
THAT SOUNDS PERFECTLY
REASONABLE.
328
00:12:07,976 --> 00:12:09,711
AND HERE'S OUR
FACTORY AT WORK !
329
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:13,615
♪ WITH A
HIDE-E-LI-DE-E-LIE ♪
330
00:12:13,615 --> 00:12:14,916
♪ AND A HIDE-E-LIE-DE-LAY ♪
331
00:12:14,916 --> 00:12:16,218
♪ WE WORK AND WE
MAKE CIGARETTES ♪
332
00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:17,519
♪ ALL HIDE-E-LIDE-E-DAY ♪
333
00:12:17,953 --> 00:12:19,254
♪ SO FOLKS CAN GET
A BREAK-E ♪
334
00:12:19,254 --> 00:12:20,555
♪ FROM THEIR STRESSFUL
LIDE-LIVES ♪
335
00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:21,857
♪ AND RELAX-Y
WITH THE CIGARETTES ♪
336
00:12:21,857 --> 00:12:24,025
♪ WE MAKE ALL DAY
AND NIGHT ♪
337
00:12:24,459 --> 00:12:26,628
♪ I LIKE TO HAVE A CIGARETTE
EVERY NOW AND THEN ♪
338
00:12:26,628 --> 00:12:29,664
♪ IT MAKES ME FEEL CALMER
WHEN THE DAY IS AT AN END ♪
339
00:12:29,664 --> 00:12:32,267
♪ AND IF IT GIVES ME CANCER
WHEN I'M 80 I DON'T CARE ♪
340
00:12:32,267 --> 00:12:34,870
♪ WHO THE HELL WANTS TO BE
90 ANYWAY ? ♪
341
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:36,605
♪ SO WITH A
HIDE-ALIE-DE-LIE ♪
342
00:12:36,605 --> 00:12:38,340
♪ AND A HIDE-E-LIE-DE-LAY ♪
343
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,641
♪ WE WORK AND WE
MAKE CIGARETTES ♪
344
00:12:39,641 --> 00:12:40,942
♪ ALL HIDE-E-LIDE-E-DAY ♪
345
00:12:40,942 --> 00:12:42,244
♪ SO FOLKS CAN GET
A BREAK-E ♪
346
00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:43,545
♪ FROM THEIR STRESSFUL
LIDE-LIVES ♪
347
00:12:43,979 --> 00:12:44,846
♪ AND RELAX-Y
WITH THE CIGARETTES ♪
348
00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,449
♪ WE MAKE ALL DAY
AND NIGHT ♪♪
349
00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:49,618
WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
THE END OF OUR TOUR !
350
00:12:49,618 --> 00:12:52,220
OH, HERE, BOYS,
LET ME GET YOUR PICTURE.
351
00:12:54,389 --> 00:12:55,257
GOT IT !
352
00:12:55,257 --> 00:12:57,426
HA ! YOU BASTARDS
ARE GOING DOWN NOW !
353
00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:58,293
WHAT ?
354
00:12:58,727 --> 00:13:00,896
I'M NOT RITA POON,
I'M ROB REINER !
355
00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:02,631
AND YOU'VE JUST BEEN
REINER'D !
356
00:13:02,631 --> 00:13:04,800
COME ON, BOYS,
LET'S MAKE OUR ESCAPE !
357
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,968
DON'T YOU TRY
AND STOP US !
358
00:13:10,872 --> 00:13:12,607
( screaming )
359
00:13:12,607 --> 00:13:14,776
OH MY GOD !
360
00:13:15,210 --> 00:13:16,945
OH BOY, THAT WAS
GREAT, KIDS !
361
00:13:16,945 --> 00:13:18,246
( Kyle ) THOSE PEOPLE
AT THE TOBACCO COMPANY
362
00:13:18,246 --> 00:13:19,548
ALL SEEM REALLY NICE.
363
00:13:19,981 --> 00:13:20,849
YEAH, YOU SEE THAT ?
364
00:13:20,849 --> 00:13:22,584
THEY GOT INTO
YOUR HEAD !
365
00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:24,753
NOW YOU KIDS CAN MEET SOME
GOOD DECENT PEOPLE,
366
00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:28,223
THE FOLKS WHO WORK
TO GET SMOKING BANNED !
367
00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,958
( growling )
368
00:13:32,127 --> 00:13:34,296
( hissing )
369
00:13:34,296 --> 00:13:36,898
THIS IS HOW WE GET
RID OF SMOKERS !
370
00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:40,368
WE GO STATE TO STATE AND DO
THINGS LIKE USE BOGUS STUDIES
371
00:13:40,802 --> 00:13:42,537
AND MAKE EXPENSIVE
COMMERCIALS
372
00:13:42,537 --> 00:13:44,706
TO GET THE PUBLIC
ON OUR SIDE
373
00:13:44,706 --> 00:13:47,742
AND FORCE CIGARETTE
SMOKERS TO STOP !
374
00:13:48,176 --> 00:13:50,345
WOW, IT'S LIKE, IT'S LIKE
SMOKING BRINGS A LOT OF PEOPLE
375
00:13:50,345 --> 00:13:51,646
JUST A LITTLE BIT OF JOY
376
00:13:51,646 --> 00:13:53,381
AND YOU GET TO TAKE THAT
AWAY FROM THEM.
377
00:13:53,381 --> 00:13:55,116
YOU ARE SO AWESOME.
378
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:56,418
HERE YOU GO, BOB.
379
00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:58,153
THIS IS
MR. VALKRI,
380
00:13:58,153 --> 00:14:00,322
HE DOES ALL
OURPHOTOSHOPWORK.
381
00:14:00,322 --> 00:14:02,491
NOW ALL WE HAVE TO DO
IS PHOTOSHOP CIGARETTES
382
00:14:02,491 --> 00:14:04,659
INTO YOUR HANDS,
AND BINGO !
383
00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:07,262
WHEN THIS HITS THE PAPERS THE
TOBACCO COMPANY IS SCREWED !
384
00:14:07,696 --> 00:14:08,563
HA HA HA HA !
385
00:14:08,563 --> 00:14:10,298
HA HA HA HA !
386
00:14:10,298 --> 00:14:12,467
BUT DUDE--
YOU'RE MAKING STUFF UP.
387
00:14:12,467 --> 00:14:14,636
YOU KIDS NEED TO UNDERSTAND
SOMETHING, OKAY ?
388
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:16,371
SOMETIMES LYING IS OKAY,
389
00:14:16,805 --> 00:14:20,709
LIKE WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD
FOR PEOPLE MORE THAN THEY DO.
390
00:14:20,709 --> 00:14:23,311
OH MY GOD, THAT IS EXACTLY
WHAT I'VE ALWAYS SAID.
391
00:14:23,311 --> 00:14:24,613
I LOVE THIS GUY !
392
00:14:25,046 --> 00:14:26,348
MR. REINER, YOUR BILL
TO HAVE SMOKING
393
00:14:26,348 --> 00:14:28,517
OUTLAWED IN BARS HERE
DIDN'T PASS.
394
00:14:28,517 --> 00:14:29,818
WHAT ?!
395
00:14:29,818 --> 00:14:31,119
GOD DAMMIT, WHAT
THE HELL IS WRONG
396
00:14:31,119 --> 00:14:32,854
WITH PEOPLE
IN THIS STATE ?!
397
00:14:32,854 --> 00:14:34,589
APPARENTLY, SEVERAL PEOPLE
HERE STILL BELIEVE
398
00:14:34,589 --> 00:14:36,324
THERE'S NO PROOF SECONDHAND
SMOKE CAN KILL YOU.
399
00:14:36,758 --> 00:14:38,493
THEY WANT PROOF ?!
400
00:14:38,493 --> 00:14:40,662
ALL RIGHT,
WE'LL GIVE THEM PROOF !
401
00:14:41,096 --> 00:14:43,698
BOYS, I NEED ONE OF YOU TO ACT
IN A COMMERCIAL FOR US !
402
00:14:43,698 --> 00:14:45,433
WE'LL SHOOT IT TOMORROW !
403
00:14:45,433 --> 00:14:46,735
WOW, A COMMERCIAL ?!
404
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:48,470
YOU BOYS DECIDE
WHICH ONE OF YOU
405
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,205
WOULD BE BEST
FOR THE PART.
406
00:14:50,205 --> 00:14:52,374
ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE, WE GOTTA
GET MOVING ON THE BILL
407
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:54,109
TO BAN SMOKING
IN PARKS HERE !
408
00:14:54,109 --> 00:14:55,410
LET'S GO !
409
00:14:55,844 --> 00:14:57,145
GOD, HE'S JUST THE BEST !
410
00:14:57,579 --> 00:14:59,314
MR. REINER !
CAN I GET YOU A MUFFIN ?
411
00:14:59,314 --> 00:15:00,615
OR A COLD DRINK PERHAPS ?
412
00:15:01,049 --> 00:15:03,652
YOU GUYS, I THINK WE SHOULD
BAIL OUT OF THIS RIGHT NOW.
413
00:15:04,085 --> 00:15:05,820
HUH ? I JUSTKNOWWHERE
THIS IS HEADING-
414
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,122
IT'S GONNA END UP
WITH THE WHOLE TOWN
415
00:15:07,122 --> 00:15:08,423
TAKING THIS TOO FAR
416
00:15:08,423 --> 00:15:10,158
AND US HAVING TO TALK
ABOUT "WHAT WE LEARNED"
417
00:15:10,158 --> 00:15:11,026
TO CHANGE EVERYONE'S MIND,
418
00:15:11,459 --> 00:15:12,761
AND I SAY WE JUST
STOP RIGHT NOW
419
00:15:12,761 --> 00:15:14,062
AND GO PLAY
CARDS OR SOMETHING.
420
00:15:14,062 --> 00:15:15,363
YUP, I TOTALLY AGREE.
421
00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:16,665
YEAH, MAYBE
YOU'RE RIGHT.
422
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,833
SO, GENTLEMEN, LOOKS
LIKE ONLY ONE OF US
423
00:15:18,833 --> 00:15:21,002
GETS TO BE IN
THE COMMERCIAL, HUH ?
424
00:15:21,002 --> 00:15:21,870
WHO WILL IT BE... ?
425
00:15:22,304 --> 00:15:23,605
GENTLEMEN,
THE GAME IS ON !
426
00:15:23,605 --> 00:15:24,472
GO AHEAD.
427
00:15:24,906 --> 00:15:26,207
WE DON'T WANT TO BE IN
THEIR STUPID COMMERCIAL.
428
00:15:26,207 --> 00:15:27,075
HUH ?
429
00:15:27,075 --> 00:15:28,376
OH, I GET IT, KYLE.
430
00:15:28,376 --> 00:15:30,111
THAT'S YOUR SERBIAN JEW
DOUBLE BLUFF--
431
00:15:30,111 --> 00:15:31,846
MAKE ME THINK YOU DON'T CARE
ABOUT BEING IN THE COMMERCIAL
432
00:15:31,846 --> 00:15:33,148
SO THAT MAYBE
I WON'T EITHER.
433
00:15:33,148 --> 00:15:34,883
OOPS, DIDN'T WORK,
DID IT, KYLE ?
434
00:15:34,883 --> 00:15:36,618
NO, WE REALLY WANT NOTHING MORE
TO DO WITH THESE PEOPLE.
435
00:15:36,618 --> 00:15:37,919
SURE YOU DON'T, KYLE.
436
00:15:37,919 --> 00:15:38,787
OH, AND NEITHER DO I.
437
00:15:39,220 --> 00:15:40,088
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GONNA SAY NEXT.
438
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,389
YOU'RE GONNA SAY,
"HOW ABOUT NONE OF US
439
00:15:41,823 --> 00:15:42,691
SHOW UP TOMORROW
TO DO IT ?"
440
00:15:42,691 --> 00:15:44,426
AND THEN I'M SUPPOSED TO
AGREE, SO THAT TOMORROW
441
00:15:44,426 --> 00:15:45,727
YOU CAN WALTZ IN
ALL BY YOURSELF
442
00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:46,595
AND DO THE COMMERCIAL.
443
00:15:46,595 --> 00:15:47,896
THAT'S SERBIAN JEW
DOUBLE BLUFF,
444
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:49,631
AND IT AIN'T
GONNA WORK ON ME.
445
00:15:50,065 --> 00:15:51,366
HEH HEH HEH.
446
00:15:51,366 --> 00:15:52,667
ONLY ONE OF US CAN BE IN
THE COMMERCIAL, GENTLEMEN.
447
00:15:53,101 --> 00:15:55,270
THE GAME-- IS ON.
448
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:09,284
SORRY, KYLE, BUT I'M AFRAID
ONLY ONE OF US WILL BE
449
00:16:09,284 --> 00:16:11,453
SHOWING UP TO DO THE
COMMERCIAL TOMORROW, HA HA HA !
450
00:16:11,453 --> 00:16:13,188
THOUGHT YOU HAD ME
451
00:16:13,188 --> 00:16:14,923
WITH YOUR SERBIAN JEW
DOUBLE BLUFF, DIDN'T YOU ?
452
00:16:14,923 --> 00:16:16,658
WELL, LET'S SEE YOU TRY TO
OPEN THIS DOOR NOW !
453
00:16:16,658 --> 00:16:18,393
( laughing )
454
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:21,429
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?
455
00:16:21,429 --> 00:16:22,179
OH.
456
00:16:23,598 --> 00:16:24,899
HELLO, KYLE.
457
00:16:24,899 --> 00:16:28,370
OH MAN, WAIT--
THIS ISN'T MY HOUSE.
458
00:16:28,803 --> 00:16:30,538
CARTMAN, YOU GO AHEAD AND
DO THE COMMERCIAL TOMORROW.
459
00:16:30,972 --> 00:16:32,273
BUT I'M WARNING YOU:
THOSE ANTI-SMOKING PEOPLE
460
00:16:32,707 --> 00:16:34,009
ARE LIARS
AND THEY'RE BULLIES
461
00:16:34,009 --> 00:16:35,744
WHO WILL STOP AT NOTHING
TO GET WHAT THEY WANT,
462
00:16:35,744 --> 00:16:37,479
AND THAT MEANS
THEY'RE DANGEROUS.
463
00:16:43,118 --> 00:16:44,419
HA HA HA HA !
464
00:16:44,419 --> 00:16:45,720
NICE TRY, KYLE !
465
00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:47,022
LET'S SEE YOU TRY TO GET
THROUGH THIS DOOR NOW !
466
00:16:47,022 --> 00:16:48,323
HA HA HA HA !
467
00:16:50,925 --> 00:16:53,094
OKAY, ERIC, THIS IS
GONNA BE REAL SIMPLE.
468
00:16:53,094 --> 00:16:54,396
ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS JUST
READ THE WORDS
469
00:16:54,829 --> 00:16:56,564
ON THE TELEPROMPTER, HERE.
470
00:16:56,564 --> 00:16:57,866
( laughing )
OKAY !
471
00:16:57,866 --> 00:17:00,035
LET'S SEE HOW THE TOBACCO
COMPANIES DEAL WITH THIS !
472
00:17:00,035 --> 00:17:01,770
ALL RIGHT,
ROLL CAMERA !
473
00:17:01,770 --> 00:17:03,071
ROLL THE TELEPROMPTER.
474
00:17:03,071 --> 00:17:04,372
AND WHENEVER
YOU'RE READY, ERIC.
475
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,107
( giggling )
OKAY, OKAY.
476
00:17:06,107 --> 00:17:07,842
( takes a deep breath )
477
00:17:08,276 --> 00:17:10,879
YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE SAY
THERE'S NO PROOF
478
00:17:10,879 --> 00:17:13,048
THAT SECONDHAND SMOKE KILLS.
479
00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:14,349
THE TOBACCO COMPANIES SAY
THERE'S NO PROOF
480
00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:16,518
THAT SECONDHAND SMOKE
KILLS.
481
00:17:16,518 --> 00:17:19,120
I'VE JUST BEEN DIAGNOSED
WITH TERMINAL LUNG CANCER.
482
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:21,289
I GUESS...
I'M THE PROOF.
483
00:17:21,723 --> 00:17:23,024
THE NEXT TIME
YOU WANT TO BELIEVE
484
00:17:23,024 --> 00:17:24,759
THAT SECONDHAND SMOKE
DOESN'T KILL,
485
00:17:24,759 --> 00:17:26,061
THINK ABOUT ME.
486
00:17:26,061 --> 00:17:28,663
BECAUSE BY THE TIME
YOU SEE THIS COMMERCIAL
487
00:17:28,663 --> 00:17:31,266
I'LL BE DEAD.
488
00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:33,001
DEAD ?
489
00:17:33,001 --> 00:17:33,868
AND CUT !
490
00:17:34,302 --> 00:17:35,170
GREAT, WE GOT IT !
491
00:17:35,170 --> 00:17:37,338
WRAP UP, PEOPLE,
THAT WAS FANTASTIC !
492
00:17:37,338 --> 00:17:39,941
WHAT-- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN,
I'LL BE DEAD ?
493
00:17:39,941 --> 00:17:42,544
HEY, WHAT WAS THAT
DEAD PART ?
494
00:17:42,977 --> 00:17:44,279
THAT WAS VERY GOOD,
ERIC.
495
00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:46,881
HERE, EAT THIS CUPCAKE.
496
00:17:46,881 --> 00:17:49,918
UH... NO THANKS,
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
497
00:17:49,918 --> 00:17:51,219
BUT YOU ARE.
498
00:17:51,219 --> 00:17:52,954
JUST EAT THIS
ONE CUPCAKE.
499
00:17:52,954 --> 00:17:55,557
IT HAS SPRINKLES.
500
00:17:55,557 --> 00:17:58,159
I'M NOT EATING
THE CUPCAKE.
501
00:17:58,159 --> 00:18:00,762
ERIC, DO YOU KNOW WHAT
A HERO IS ?
502
00:18:00,762 --> 00:18:02,931
A HERO IS SOMEBODY
WHO SACRIFICES HIMSELF
503
00:18:02,931 --> 00:18:04,666
FOR THE GOOD OF OTHERS.
504
00:18:04,666 --> 00:18:06,401
YOU CAN BE
A HERO, ERIC.
505
00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:10,305
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS EAT THE CUPCAKE.
506
00:18:12,474 --> 00:18:14,209
JESUS CHRIST !
507
00:18:14,209 --> 00:18:15,944
HEY !
508
00:18:15,944 --> 00:18:17,679
( panting )
509
00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,222
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING, CARTMAN ?
510
00:18:27,222 --> 00:18:28,523
THEY'RE GOING TO
KILL ME !
511
00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:30,692
WHO'S GOING TO
KILL YOU ?
512
00:18:30,692 --> 00:18:32,861
THE ANTI-SMOKING PEOPLE !
513
00:18:32,861 --> 00:18:34,162
THEY HAD ME SAY I DIED
FROM SECONDHAND SMOKE
514
00:18:34,162 --> 00:18:36,331
AND NOW THEY WANT TO SACRIFICE
ME TO MAKE IT LOOK REAL !
515
00:18:36,765 --> 00:18:37,632
THEY'LL STOP AT NOTHING !
516
00:18:37,632 --> 00:18:39,367
WELL, GET AWAY
FROM US THEN !
517
00:18:39,367 --> 00:18:41,102
YEAH, DUDE, DON'T
GET US KILLED TOO !
518
00:18:41,102 --> 00:18:42,403
YOU GUYS HAVE TO
HELP ME !
519
00:18:42,403 --> 00:18:43,705
NO, DUDE, GET AWAY !
520
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,006
PLEASE YOU GUYS, I DON'T
KNOW WHAT TO DO !
521
00:18:45,006 --> 00:18:46,741
STOP IT, CARTMAN,
GO DIE ON YOUR OWN !
522
00:18:46,741 --> 00:18:48,042
IF I GO, YOU GUYS GO !
523
00:18:48,042 --> 00:18:48,910
DAD !
524
00:18:48,910 --> 00:18:50,211
WHAT ?
525
00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:51,946
THE ANTI-SMOKING PEOPLE ARE
TRYING TO KILL CARTMAN
526
00:18:51,946 --> 00:18:53,248
AND HE WON'T
STAY AWAY FROM US !
527
00:18:53,248 --> 00:18:54,983
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS, BOYS.
528
00:18:54,983 --> 00:18:57,585
THE ANTI-SMOKING PEOPLE ARE
KIND, CARING AND INTELLIGENT.
529
00:18:57,585 --> 00:18:58,887
YOUR HEADS HAVE JUST
BEEN CORRUPTED
530
00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,923
BY THE LIES OF THE
BIG TOBACCO COMPANIES.
531
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,224
HEY, MAYBE THAT'S IT,
YOU GUYS.
532
00:19:03,224 --> 00:19:04,959
MAYBE THE TOBACCO COMPANY
CAN HELP US !
533
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:05,827
HELP YOU, FATASS !
534
00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:07,128
WE WEREN'T IN THE
COMMERCIAL, REMEMBER ?
535
00:19:07,562 --> 00:19:09,297
YEAH, GO TO THE
TOBACCO COMPANY YOURSELF.
536
00:19:09,297 --> 00:19:10,598
WELL, THAT'S FINE !
537
00:19:10,598 --> 00:19:12,767
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE MY
FRIENDS BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG.
538
00:19:12,767 --> 00:19:14,502
YEAH, DUDE, YOU WERE
TOTALLY WRONG.
539
00:19:14,502 --> 00:19:15,370
UH-HUH.
540
00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,539
YOU GUYS, I AM SERIOUSLY
GETTING PISSED OFF NOW !
541
00:19:17,539 --> 00:19:18,840
NOW COME ON, WE'RE GOING TO
THE TOBACCO COMPANY !
542
00:19:19,274 --> 00:19:20,141
OH, ALL RIGHT !
543
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:21,442
NO !
544
00:19:21,442 --> 00:19:23,178
WHAT WE REALLY SHOULD DO IS
GO TO OUR PARENTS RIGHT NOW
545
00:19:23,178 --> 00:19:24,913
AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR SMOKING OURSELVES.
546
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,214
EVEN IF IT MEANS
GETTING GROUNDED.
547
00:19:26,214 --> 00:19:27,081
WHY ?
548
00:19:27,515 --> 00:19:28,817
BECAUSE, IF WE GO TO
THE TOBACCO COMPANY
549
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:30,118
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT'LL HAPPEN !
550
00:19:30,118 --> 00:19:31,419
THEY'LL TAKE US IN,
551
00:19:31,419 --> 00:19:32,287
AND THEN ROB REINER
WILL SHOW UP
552
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,022
WITH ALL THE TOWNSPEOPLE
HOLDING TORCHES OR SOMETHING
553
00:19:34,022 --> 00:19:35,323
AND THERE'LL BE
A BIG SHOWDOWN
554
00:19:35,323 --> 00:19:36,624
UNTIL WE TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE LEARNED
555
00:19:36,624 --> 00:19:37,926
AND CHANGE
EVERYONE'S MINDS.
556
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,661
THIS IS ALL FOLLOWING
A FORMULA !
557
00:19:40,094 --> 00:19:41,396
SO IT'S EITHER
DEAL WITH ALL THAT
558
00:19:41,396 --> 00:19:44,866
OR BE GROUNDED
FOR THREE WEEKS.
559
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,468
( angry shouting )
560
00:19:49,637 --> 00:19:50,505
GOD DAMMIT.
561
00:19:50,939 --> 00:19:52,240
GIVE US THE CHILD !
562
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:53,541
WE WILL NOT !
563
00:19:53,541 --> 00:19:54,843
THERE, YOU SEE THAT ?
564
00:19:54,843 --> 00:19:57,011
THE TOBACCO COMPANY
WON'T GIVE US THE KID !
565
00:19:57,011 --> 00:19:58,313
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY ?
566
00:19:58,746 --> 00:20:00,915
BECAUSE THEY KNOW THAT
IF THEY GIVE US THAT KID
567
00:20:01,349 --> 00:20:02,650
THEN WE'LL KILL HIM !
568
00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:04,385
AND WHEN OUR COMMERCIAL
GOES ON THE AIR
569
00:20:04,385 --> 00:20:06,554
IT WILL LOSE THEM
BUSINESS !
570
00:20:06,554 --> 00:20:09,157
YEAH !
THAT'S RIGHT !
571
00:20:10,458 --> 00:20:12,193
( Mr. Mackey )
WAIT A MINUTE-- WHAT ?
572
00:20:12,193 --> 00:20:14,362
YEAH, WHEN WE KILL THE KID,
PEOPLE ARE GONNA THINK
573
00:20:14,362 --> 00:20:16,097
IT'S BECAUSE OF
SECONDHAND SMOKE,
574
00:20:16,097 --> 00:20:18,700
AND THEN THESE BASTARDS
AREN'T GONNA MAKE MONEY,
575
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,001
AND THEY KNOW IT !
576
00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:22,170
WHAT THE HELL IS
WRONG WITH YOU ?
577
00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:23,471
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
578
00:20:23,905 --> 00:20:26,074
OH GOD DAMMIT, DO I HAVE TO
EXPLAIN THIS AGAIN ?
579
00:20:26,507 --> 00:20:28,676
SMOKING IS BAD, PEOPLE !
580
00:20:28,676 --> 00:20:32,146
SO IF WE HAVE TO BE A LITTLE
EXTREME TO STOP IT, IT'S OKAY !
581
00:20:32,146 --> 00:20:33,448
NO, IT ISN'T,
YOU FAT TURD !
582
00:20:33,882 --> 00:20:36,050
BECAUSE I'VE LEARNED
SOMETHING TODAY.
583
00:20:36,050 --> 00:20:38,219
YOU JUST HATE--
SEE ? I KNEW IT.
584
00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:39,087
YUP.
585
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,388
YOU JUST HATE SMOKING
586
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:41,689
SO YOU USE ALL YOUR
MONEY AND POWER
587
00:20:41,689 --> 00:20:42,991
TO FORCE OTHERS
TO THINK LIKE YOU,
588
00:20:43,424 --> 00:20:45,159
AND THAT'S CALLED FASCISM,
YOU TUBBY ASSHOLE !
589
00:20:45,159 --> 00:20:48,196
GOD DAMMIT, THERE WILL
BE NO MORE SMOKING !
590
00:20:48,196 --> 00:20:49,931
IT WASN'T THE TOBACCO COMPANY'S
FAULT THAT WE SMOKED.
591
00:20:49,931 --> 00:20:51,232
IT WAS OUR FAULT, US.
592
00:20:51,232 --> 00:20:52,967
WE SHOULD ALL TAKE
PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY
593
00:20:53,401 --> 00:20:56,004
INSTEAD OF LETTING FAT FASCISTS
LIKE HIM TELL US WHAT TO DO !
594
00:20:56,004 --> 00:20:58,606
YOU'RE RIGHT, BOYS,
M'KAY !
595
00:20:58,606 --> 00:21:00,341
YEAH, LET SMOKERS SMOKE !
596
00:21:00,341 --> 00:21:02,944
YEAH !
THAT'S RIGHT !
597
00:21:02,944 --> 00:21:03,811
HEY, MR. REINER !
598
00:21:03,811 --> 00:21:05,980
WHY DON'T YOU--
BUTT OUT !
599
00:21:06,414 --> 00:21:08,149
( laughter )
600
00:21:08,149 --> 00:21:09,017
I'M WARNING YOU !
601
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,185
DON'T MESS WITH
ANTI-SMOKING GROUPS !
602
00:21:11,185 --> 00:21:13,788
I DON'T IDOLIZE YOU
ANYMORE, ASSHOLE !
603
00:21:15,957 --> 00:21:17,692
MY GOO !
604
00:21:17,692 --> 00:21:19,861
MY PRECIOUS GOO !
605
00:21:23,331 --> 00:21:25,066
SO KYLE, IT WASN'T
THE TOBACCO COMPANY
606
00:21:25,066 --> 00:21:26,367
THAT MADE YOU
WANT TO SMOKE ?
607
00:21:26,367 --> 00:21:27,669
NO.
608
00:21:27,669 --> 00:21:29,404
WELL THEN, YOU ARE
GROUNDED, MISTER !
609
00:21:29,404 --> 00:21:30,705
YOU TOO, ERIC.
610
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,609
WELL, I GUESS WE
LEARNED OUR LESSON.
611
00:21:34,609 --> 00:21:35,476
NO, WE
DIDN'T DUDE...
612
00:21:35,910 --> 00:21:37,645
NO, WE DIDN'T.
613
00:21:37,645 --> 00:21:38,947
♪ WITH A
HIDE-E-LI-DE-E-LIE ♪
614
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,682
♪ AND A HIDE-E-LIE-DE-LAY ♪
615
00:21:40,682 --> 00:21:42,417
♪ WE WORK AND WE
MAKE CIGARETTES ♪
616
00:21:42,417 --> 00:21:43,718
♪ ALL HIDE-E-LIDE-E-DAY ♪
617
00:21:43,718 --> 00:21:45,019
♪ SO FOLKS CAN GET
A BREAK-E ♪
618
00:21:45,019 --> 00:21:46,321
♪ FROM THEIR STRESSFUL
LIDE-LIVES ♪
619
00:21:46,754 --> 00:21:48,056
♪ AND RELAX-Y
WITH THE CIGARETTES ♪
620
00:21:48,056 --> 00:21:50,224
♪ WE MAKE ALL DAY
AND NIGHT ♪
621
00:21:50,224 --> 00:21:52,827
♪ I LIKE TO HAVE A CIGARETTE
EVERY NOW AND THEN ♪
622
00:21:52,827 --> 00:21:55,863
♪ IT MAKES ME FEEL CALMER
WHEN THE DAY IS AT AN END ♪
623
00:21:55,863 --> 00:21:58,466
♪ AND IF IT GIVES ME CANCER
WHEN I'M 80 I DON'T CARE-- ♪♪
41015
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