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00:00:05,421 --> 00:00:08,891
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00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:10,192
♪ I'M GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
3
00:00:10,626 --> 00:00:12,361
♪ GONNA HAVE
MYSELF A TIME ♪
4
00:00:12,361 --> 00:00:14,096
♪ FRIENDLY FACES
EVERYWHERE ♪
5
00:00:14,096 --> 00:00:15,831
♪ HUMBLE FOLKS
WITHOUT TEMPTATION ♪
6
00:00:15,831 --> 00:00:16,699
♪ GOING DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
7
00:00:17,133 --> 00:00:18,868
♪ GONNA LEAVE MY
WOES BEHIND ♪
8
00:00:19,301 --> 00:00:20,603
♪ AMPLE PARKING
DAY OR NIGHT ♪
9
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,338
♪ PEOPLE SPOUTING
"HOWDY NEIGHBOR" ♪
10
00:00:22,338 --> 00:00:23,639
♪ HEADIN' ON UP
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
11
00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:25,808
♪ GONNA SEE
IF I CAN'T UNWIND ♪
12
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:28,844
♪ ( muffled mumble
muffled mumble ) ♪
13
00:00:28,844 --> 00:00:30,579
♪ SO COME ON DOWN
TO SOUTH PARK ♪
14
00:00:30,579 --> 00:00:32,314
♪ AND MEET SOME
FRIENDS OF MINE ♪♪
15
00:00:34,283 --> 00:00:36,452
OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS
ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE
16
00:00:36,452 --> 00:00:37,753
WHAT HAPPENED TO ME
LAST NIGHT.
17
00:00:38,187 --> 00:00:39,488
WHAT ? TELL US.
18
00:00:39,488 --> 00:00:40,790
SO, I'M WATCHING
THE SEASON PREMIERE
19
00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,091
OF "BOY MEETS BOY"
ON TELEVISION
20
00:00:42,525 --> 00:00:43,826
AND THEN "QUEER EYE FOR THE
STRAIGHT GUY" COMES ON, RIGHT ?
21
00:00:44,260 --> 00:00:45,995
SO I FALL ASLEEP
IN FRONT OF THE TV
AND WHEN I WAKE UP
22
00:00:45,995 --> 00:00:47,296
I SEE THAT I'VE SPILLED
THE COKE I WAS DRINKING
23
00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:49,031
ALL OVER MY
SATIN PAJAMA TOP.
24
00:00:49,031 --> 00:00:50,332
OH MY GOSH,
ARE YOU SERIOUS ?
25
00:00:50,332 --> 00:00:52,068
THAT WAS THE CUTEST
TOP EVER !
26
00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:52,935
I KNOW !
27
00:00:53,369 --> 00:00:55,538
( muffled speech )
28
00:00:55,538 --> 00:00:57,273
OOH, TELL ME ABOUT IT,
KEN-DOLL.
29
00:00:57,273 --> 00:00:59,442
HEY, DUDES.
30
00:00:59,442 --> 00:01:02,912
HA HA HA !
HA HA HA HAAA !
31
00:01:02,912 --> 00:01:04,213
WHAT A DORK !
32
00:01:04,213 --> 00:01:05,514
WHAT ?
33
00:01:05,514 --> 00:01:06,816
NICE JACKET, KYLE !
34
00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,551
POLYESTER IS REALLY THE
HOT FABRIC THIS FALL !
35
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:09,852
HA HA HA HAAA !
36
00:01:09,852 --> 00:01:11,587
BUT-BUT, THIS IS THE JACKET
I ALWAYS WEAR.
37
00:01:12,021 --> 00:01:13,322
YOU GOTTA GET WITH
THE TIMES, GIRLFRIEND.
38
00:01:13,322 --> 00:01:15,057
YEAH, THAT JACKET IS
SO SEPTEMBER 10th !
39
00:01:15,491 --> 00:01:17,226
OH MY GOD, YOU'VE GOT
SPLOTCHES ON YOUR NECK.
40
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:18,961
ARE YOU USING ANY EXFOLIATING
PRODUCTS AT ALL ?
41
00:01:18,961 --> 00:01:21,564
WE CAN'T LET KYLE OUT IN
PUBLIC LIKE THIS, YOU GUYS.
42
00:01:21,564 --> 00:01:22,865
THAT'S FOR SURE !
43
00:01:22,865 --> 00:01:24,166
COME ON, KYLE, WE'RE
GIVING YOU A MAKEOVER !
44
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:26,769
( dance music )
♪ YOU CAME INTO MY LIFE ♪
45
00:01:26,769 --> 00:01:29,805
♪ AND MY WORLD NEVER
LOOKED SO BRIGHT, YEAH ♪
46
00:01:29,805 --> 00:01:32,842
♪ IT'S TRUE
YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME ♪
47
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:37,179
♪ WHEN YOU ARE AROUND
WHEN YOU ARE AROUND ♪
48
00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:40,216
♪ ALL THINGS JUST KEEP
GETTING BETTER ♪
49
00:01:40,216 --> 00:01:42,818
♪ THINGS KEEP
GETTING BETTER ♪
50
00:01:42,818 --> 00:01:45,855
♪ LIFE KEEPS GETTING BETTER
AND BETTER ♪
51
00:01:45,855 --> 00:01:48,457
♪ THINGS JUST KEEP
GETTING BETTER ♪♪
52
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:50,626
( TV announcer )
Coming up next on HBC
53
00:01:51,060 --> 00:01:53,229
it's "Queer Eye for the
Straight Guy" !
54
00:01:53,229 --> 00:01:55,831
We have got to get you some
tighter fitting shirts !
55
00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:59,301
Then it's "Boy Meets Boy"
followed by "Will and Grace".
56
00:01:59,301 --> 00:02:02,772
And then: "The Love Boat...
With Men".
57
00:02:02,772 --> 00:02:04,940
MY GOODNESS, THERE CERTAINLY
ARE A LOT OF GAY SHOWS
58
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:06,675
ON TELEVISION THESE DAYS.
59
00:02:06,675 --> 00:02:07,977
YEAH, I THINK IT'S GREAT
60
00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:10,146
THAT GAYS ARE FINALLY
BEING SO ACCEPTED.
61
00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:12,314
HI, MOM, HI, DAD !
62
00:02:12,314 --> 00:02:13,616
AAAAH !
63
00:02:13,616 --> 00:02:15,785
KYLE, WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO YOU ?
64
00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:17,086
I'M JUST TRYING
TO FIT IN, DADDY,
65
00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:19,255
DON'T BE SUCH
A DRAMA QUEEN.
66
00:02:19,255 --> 00:02:20,990
OH MY GOD !
67
00:02:21,423 --> 00:02:22,725
COME ON, SHEILA,
WE BETTER GO TELL
68
00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,460
THE OTHER PARENTS
WHAT'S GOING ON !
69
00:02:24,460 --> 00:02:25,761
( doorbell rings,
knocking )
70
00:02:26,195 --> 00:02:27,062
OH, HI, GERALD, SHEILA.
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00:02:27,496 --> 00:02:28,364
HI, SHARON.
72
00:02:28,364 --> 00:02:30,099
WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT THE BOYS.
73
00:02:30,099 --> 00:02:30,966
SURE, COME ON IN.
74
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:32,268
THE GUYS ARE ALL
WATCHING TV.
75
00:02:32,701 --> 00:02:34,003
OH, IS THE GAME ON
OR SOMETHING ?
76
00:02:34,436 --> 00:02:35,738
( dance music )
77
00:02:36,172 --> 00:02:37,907
HEY, GERALD !
HOW ARE YOU ?
78
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,075
HI, GERALD !
GERALD !
79
00:02:40,075 --> 00:02:41,377
SIT DOWN, GER-GER.
80
00:02:41,811 --> 00:02:43,112
"QUEER EYE FOR THE
STRAIGHT GUY" IS ON.
81
00:02:43,112 --> 00:02:44,847
OH NO, YOU GUYS ALL
TURNED GAY TOO ?
82
00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:47,016
( laughter )
83
00:02:47,449 --> 00:02:49,618
NOT GAY, GERALD--
METROSEXUAL.
84
00:02:50,052 --> 00:02:51,353
WHAT'S THAT ?
85
00:02:51,353 --> 00:02:53,088
JUST BECAUSE A GUY
CARES ABOUT HOW HE LOOKS
86
00:02:53,088 --> 00:02:54,390
AND IS IN TOUCH WITH
HIS FEMININE SIDE
87
00:02:54,390 --> 00:02:56,125
DOESN'T MEAN HE'S
GAY ANYMORE !
88
00:02:56,125 --> 00:02:57,860
YEAH, METROSEXUAL
MEANS YOU'RE STRAIGHT
89
00:02:58,294 --> 00:03:00,029
BUT YOU APPRECIATE
THE GAY CULTURE.
90
00:03:00,462 --> 00:03:03,065
IT'S SUPER FABULOUS,
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SHIRAZ ?
91
00:03:03,065 --> 00:03:05,234
DON'T OUR MEN
LOOK AMAZING ?
92
00:03:05,234 --> 00:03:06,535
HAVEN'T YOU SEEN
93
00:03:06,535 --> 00:03:08,270
"QUEER EYE FOR THE
STRAIGHT GUY", SHEILA ?
94
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,138
THESE FIVE GAY MEN GO AROUND
95
00:03:09,572 --> 00:03:11,307
AND SHOW STRAIGHT MEN
HOW TO BETTER THEMSELVES.
96
00:03:11,307 --> 00:03:12,608
IT'S THE BEST !
97
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:13,475
IT IS ?
98
00:03:13,475 --> 00:03:14,777
WELL, SURE, SHEILA,
99
00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:16,078
OUR HUSBANDS ARE ALL
SO CLEAN AND NEAT.
100
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:18,681
MY RANDY IRONS HIS CLOTHES
AND EVEN HAS PEDICURES !
101
00:03:18,681 --> 00:03:19,982
AND THEY LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
THEIR FEELINGS NOW
102
00:03:20,416 --> 00:03:22,151
AND DRINK WINE
AND DECORATE THE HOUSE !
103
00:03:22,151 --> 00:03:23,886
MY STEVEN
SHAVED HIS CHEST.
104
00:03:23,886 --> 00:03:26,055
AND HIS BALLS !
OOH, I LOVE IT !
105
00:03:26,055 --> 00:03:27,790
AND HOW ABOUT
OUR BOYS, HUH ?
106
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,091
EVER SINCE GAY CULTURE
BECAME COOL
107
00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:30,392
OUR BOYS BATHE EVERY NIGHT
108
00:03:30,392 --> 00:03:32,127
AND BRUSH THEIR TEETH
THREE TIMES A DAY.
109
00:03:32,127 --> 00:03:33,863
THIS IS THE
GREATEST THING EVER.
110
00:03:33,863 --> 00:03:35,164
I DON'T KNOW,
111
00:03:35,164 --> 00:03:37,766
SOMETIMES BOYS TAKE
CULTURAL FADS TOO FAR.
112
00:03:37,766 --> 00:03:39,501
( school bell rings )
113
00:03:39,501 --> 00:03:41,670
DUDE, I CAN'T WAIT FOR WENDY
TO SEE HOW GAY I LOOK !
114
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:42,972
THAT'S TRUE, YOU GUYS,
115
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,273
WHEN THE CHICKS AT SCHOOL
SEE HOW GAY WE ARE,
116
00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:45,574
THEY'RE GONNA BE
ALL OVER US.
117
00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:46,876
WOO-HOO !
118
00:03:46,876 --> 00:03:49,912
ALL RIGHT,
LET'S WORK IT !
119
00:03:49,912 --> 00:03:51,213
WHAT THE--
120
00:03:51,647 --> 00:03:53,816
TOODLE-OO, CONNER,
SEE YA AFTER CLASSIES !
121
00:03:53,816 --> 00:03:55,117
OKAY, SWEETUMS !
122
00:03:55,117 --> 00:03:56,418
OH MY GOD,
WHERE IS MY HOMEWORK ?
123
00:03:56,418 --> 00:03:59,021
I AM FRRR-EAKING OUT !
124
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,322
HEY, DUDES.
125
00:04:00,322 --> 00:04:01,624
HEY, CRAIG.
126
00:04:02,057 --> 00:04:03,359
YOU GUYS LOOK
PRETTY GAY.
127
00:04:03,359 --> 00:04:04,660
THANKS !
128
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:05,961
NOT AS GAY AS US, THOUGH.
129
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:08,564
OH PLEASE, CRAIG, WE'RE
10 TIMES GAYER THAN YOU !
130
00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:09,431
OH YEAH ?
131
00:04:09,431 --> 00:04:10,733
WE'RE SUPER-DUPER
TRIPLE-DOG GAY !
132
00:04:10,733 --> 00:04:12,034
OH YEAH ?
133
00:04:12,034 --> 00:04:14,203
WE'RE ULTRA-SUPER-STAMP-IT
STAMP-IT-NO-ERASEES-MEGA GAY !
134
00:04:14,203 --> 00:04:15,938
WHAT'S ALL THIS
FIGHTING ABOUT, CHILDREN ?
135
00:04:15,938 --> 00:04:16,805
THESE GUYS ARE
TRYING TO SAY
136
00:04:16,805 --> 00:04:18,107
THEY'RE GAYER
THAN US !
137
00:04:18,540 --> 00:04:20,709
OH NO, DON'T TELL ME
YOU CHILDREN
138
00:04:20,709 --> 00:04:23,312
HAVE TAKEN UP THIS WHOLE
METROSEXUAL FAD TOO !
139
00:04:23,312 --> 00:04:24,613
OH MY GOD !
140
00:04:24,613 --> 00:04:26,348
THIS IS NOT A FAD,
THIS IS WHO WE ARE.
141
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:27,650
NO, IT ISN'T !
142
00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:29,385
LAST YEAR YOU CHILDREN
WERE ALL TRYING TO BE BLACK,
143
00:04:29,385 --> 00:04:31,120
NOW YOU'RE ALL
TRYING TO BE GAY !
144
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,855
WE'RE METROSEXUAL !
145
00:04:32,855 --> 00:04:34,590
MAYBE, BUT YOU'LL NEVER BE
AS METROSEXUAL AS US !
146
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,325
COME ON, FAGS !
147
00:04:36,325 --> 00:04:37,626
GOD, I HATE CRAIG !
148
00:04:37,626 --> 00:04:39,361
THAT SON OF A--
GAH !
149
00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:41,096
CHEF ?
150
00:04:41,096 --> 00:04:43,265
I DON'T FEEL
VERY METROSEXUAL.
151
00:04:43,265 --> 00:04:45,868
WELL THEN, DON'T BUY
INTO THIS FAD, KYLE.
152
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:49,338
BE WHO YOU ARE,
NOT WHAT'S COOL.
153
00:04:49,338 --> 00:04:51,073
( bell rings )
154
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,808
ALL RIGHT, CHILDREN,
LET'S TAKE OUR SEATS.
155
00:04:53,242 --> 00:04:57,146
( kids )
GOOD MORNING, MR. GARRISON.
156
00:04:57,146 --> 00:05:01,050
WELL... DON'T YOU ALL
LOOK NICE.
157
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,785
OOH, TIMMY.
158
00:05:02,785 --> 00:05:04,520
( door opens )
159
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,122
DUDE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING ?
160
00:05:07,122 --> 00:05:08,857
I DIDN'T FEEL COMFORTABLE
IN THAT STUFF, DUDE.
161
00:05:08,857 --> 00:05:10,159
I'M JUST BEING ME.
162
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:11,460
HA !
163
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,761
TOLD YOU YOU GUYS
WERE STRAIGHT !
164
00:05:12,761 --> 00:05:13,629
WE'RE NOT STRAIGHT,
YOU'RE STRAIGHT !
165
00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:14,930
YOU'RE STRAIGHT !
166
00:05:14,930 --> 00:05:16,231
YOU'RE STRAIGHT
LIKE A FREEWAY !
167
00:05:16,231 --> 00:05:17,533
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON ?
168
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:19,702
YOU WISH YOU WERE GAY,
CRAIG, IN YOUR DREAMS !
169
00:05:19,702 --> 00:05:23,172
I'M NOT JUST GAY,
I'M A CATAMITE !
170
00:05:23,172 --> 00:05:25,341
SO, I'M HALF
BISEXUAL !
171
00:05:25,341 --> 00:05:26,642
OH, STOP IT !
172
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,377
YOU KIDS DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT !
173
00:05:28,377 --> 00:05:30,112
ERIC, YOU'RE NOT
HALF BI !
174
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:31,413
I'M LIKE,
A QUARTER BI.
175
00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:32,715
MY GRANDPA WAS BI,
176
00:05:32,715 --> 00:05:34,016
SO THAT MAKES ME
QUARTER BI !
177
00:05:34,016 --> 00:05:35,751
WHAT ?!
178
00:05:35,751 --> 00:05:38,354
IT WAS THE CRAZIEST THING
I'VE EVER SEEN, MR. SLAVE.
179
00:05:38,787 --> 00:05:40,522
ALL THE CHILDREN WERE
SUDDENLY ACTING LIKE
180
00:05:40,522 --> 00:05:42,257
BEING GAY WAS COOL.
181
00:05:42,691 --> 00:05:43,993
I MEAN, MAYBE
WE'RE NOT THE ONLY
182
00:05:44,426 --> 00:05:46,161
GAY COUPLE IN TOWN ANYMORE.
183
00:05:46,161 --> 00:05:48,330
OH, JESUS CHRIST.
184
00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:50,933
( thumping dance music )
185
00:05:50,933 --> 00:05:54,403
LOOK AT THAT,
MR. SLAVE !
186
00:05:54,837 --> 00:05:57,439
OUR CUP RUNNETH OVER.
187
00:05:57,439 --> 00:05:58,741
JESUS CHRIST !
188
00:05:59,174 --> 00:06:00,476
MR. GARRISON,
THOSE ARE GREAT PANTS.
189
00:06:00,909 --> 00:06:03,078
THANKS, JIMBO, I REALLY
LIKE YOUR OUTFIT TOO.
190
00:06:03,078 --> 00:06:04,813
SO, SO, JIMBO,
191
00:06:04,813 --> 00:06:06,982
YOU WANNA COME BACK
TO MY PLACE
192
00:06:06,982 --> 00:06:08,717
WITH ME AND MR. SLAVE ?
193
00:06:08,717 --> 00:06:10,452
UH, FOR WHAT ?
194
00:06:10,886 --> 00:06:13,055
WELL, YOU KNOW...
195
00:06:13,055 --> 00:06:13,922
NO.
196
00:06:14,356 --> 00:06:15,224
HUH.
197
00:06:15,224 --> 00:06:16,959
MR. GARRISON !
HEY, DOLL !
198
00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,260
OH, HEY, RANDY.
199
00:06:18,260 --> 00:06:19,995
YOU'RE LOOKING
ULTRA FABULOUS.
200
00:06:19,995 --> 00:06:21,730
THANKS, YOU TOO.
201
00:06:21,730 --> 00:06:23,465
SO, UH, RANDY,
202
00:06:23,899 --> 00:06:26,935
YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU
A HAND JOB IN THE BATHROOM ?
203
00:06:27,369 --> 00:06:29,538
NO, NO THANKS,
I'M NOT LIKE THAT.
204
00:06:29,972 --> 00:06:31,707
NOT LIKE THAT ?
205
00:06:31,707 --> 00:06:33,442
HOW ABOUT SOME
SHIRAZ, GUYS ?
206
00:06:33,442 --> 00:06:35,177
OH, THANKS, MR. TWEEK.
207
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:36,912
MY PLEASURE,
SILLY BUNS.
208
00:06:36,912 --> 00:06:38,213
OH...
209
00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:40,816
WELL, MR. TWEEK, WHY DON'T WE
GO BACK TO MY PLACE ?
210
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:42,551
WHY ?
211
00:06:42,551 --> 00:06:43,852
WELL, YOU KNOW,
I WAS JUST THINKING
212
00:06:43,852 --> 00:06:46,455
WE COULD PUT ON SOME MUSIC
AND WATCH VIDEOS
213
00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:49,058
AND POUND MR. SLAVE'S
TIGHT LITTLE ASS.
214
00:06:49,058 --> 00:06:50,793
OOH, JESUS CHRIST.
215
00:06:51,226 --> 00:06:52,961
OH, GOODNESS NO,
I'M STRAIGHT.
216
00:06:53,395 --> 00:06:54,696
STRAIGHT ?
217
00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,733
OH, WHAT-- JUST WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE ?!
218
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:00,769
WHY WON'T ANYBODY POUND
MR. SLAVE'S BUTT ?
219
00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:02,504
WELL, WE DON'T
POUND BUTT, MR. GARRISON,
220
00:07:02,938 --> 00:07:04,239
WE'RE STRAIGHT.
221
00:07:04,239 --> 00:07:06,842
THOSE PANTS AND THOSE SHOES
SAYYOUPOUND BUTT !
222
00:07:06,842 --> 00:07:08,577
HEY, NOW,
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
223
00:07:08,577 --> 00:07:10,312
MY SHOES DON'T SAY
I POUND BUTT.
224
00:07:10,746 --> 00:07:12,915
NO, YOUR SHOES SAY YOU
TAKE IT IN THE BUTT !
225
00:07:13,348 --> 00:07:14,650
IT'S OKAY, MR. GARRISON,
226
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,385
WE'VE LEARNED THAT GAYS
ARE TOTALLY COOL.
227
00:07:16,819 --> 00:07:18,120
YOU'RE JUST
ONE OF US NOW !
228
00:07:18,554 --> 00:07:19,421
( all )
YEAH !
229
00:07:19,421 --> 00:07:21,156
ONE OF YOU ?!
230
00:07:21,156 --> 00:07:23,759
WE SPEND OUR WHOLE LIVES
TRYING TO NOT BE ONE OF YOU !
231
00:07:23,759 --> 00:07:26,361
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US !
232
00:07:26,361 --> 00:07:28,097
HAVE YOU GUYS
SEEN THIS ?
233
00:07:28,097 --> 00:07:29,398
IT'S A CONDITIONER
THAT YOU CAN LEAVE IN
234
00:07:29,398 --> 00:07:31,567
AND IT DETOXIFIES
THE SCALP.
235
00:07:31,567 --> 00:07:32,868
WOW, IS THAT
FROMORIGINS?
236
00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:34,169
YEAH, IT'S A CHARCOAL
BASED THING THAT--
237
00:07:34,169 --> 00:07:37,206
HEY, GUYS, YOU WANNA GO
THROW THE FOOTBALL AROUND ?
238
00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:39,374
GUYS, CAN I TALK TO YOU
OVER HERE FOR A SECOND ?
239
00:07:39,808 --> 00:07:43,712
LOOK GUYS, A LOT OF THE KIDS
IN SCHOOL ARE TALKING, OKAY ?
240
00:07:43,712 --> 00:07:45,881
AND THEY'RE SPREADING RUMORS
THAT WE'RE NOT METROSEXUALS
241
00:07:45,881 --> 00:07:47,616
BECAUSE WE HANG OUT
WITH KYLE.
242
00:07:47,616 --> 00:07:48,917
WELL, WHAT CAN WE
DO ABOUT IT ?
243
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:50,219
WE HAVE NO CHOICE,
YOU GUYS.
244
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,387
WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO KILL KYLE.
245
00:07:52,387 --> 00:07:53,689
WHAT, THAT'S STUPID !
246
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:54,990
WE WOULDN'T
HAVE TO KILL KYLE.
247
00:07:55,424 --> 00:07:57,159
WE WOULD JUST HAVE TO TELL HIM
NOT TO HANG AROUND US ANYMORE !
248
00:07:57,593 --> 00:07:58,894
OH, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE RIGHT, STAN.
249
00:07:58,894 --> 00:08:00,629
WE JUST HAVE TO TELL KYLE
NOT TO HANG AROUND US ANYMORE.
250
00:08:01,063 --> 00:08:01,930
YEAH-- WAIT, WHAT ?
251
00:08:01,930 --> 00:08:03,232
YOU HEAR THAT, KENNY ?
252
00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:04,967
STAN THINKS WE SHOULD TELL KYLE
NOT TO HANG AROUND US ANYMORE.
253
00:08:04,967 --> 00:08:06,268
I THINK HE'S RIGHT.
254
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:07,569
GOOD LUCK
TELLING HIM, STAN,
255
00:08:07,569 --> 00:08:08,871
I KNOW IT WON'T
BE EASY.
256
00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:09,738
HEY, BUTCH BOY !
257
00:08:10,172 --> 00:08:11,473
NICE FOOTBALL
YOU GOT THERE !
258
00:08:11,907 --> 00:08:12,774
( laughter )
259
00:08:13,208 --> 00:08:14,510
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME
YOU HAD A MANICURE,
260
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:15,811
STRAIGHT MAN ?
261
00:08:15,811 --> 00:08:17,546
YEAH, LET'S SEE
THAT HAIR.
262
00:08:17,546 --> 00:08:20,149
LOOK, HE'S NOT EVEN
USING ANY PRODUCT !
263
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,884
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON ?
264
00:08:21,884 --> 00:08:23,619
OH, HERE COME
THE BUTCH BOYS
265
00:08:23,619 --> 00:08:27,089
TO HELP THEIR
BUTCHY LITTLE FRIEND.
266
00:08:27,523 --> 00:08:30,125
HE'S NOT OUR FRIEND.
267
00:08:32,728 --> 00:08:34,463
STAN ?
268
00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:39,234
THIS PLAYGROUND IS FOR
METROSEXUALS, MACHO MAN !
269
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,403
TAKE YOUR NON-FLAMING ASS
TO SOME OTHER SCHOOL !
270
00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:43,572
NO-- AH--
271
00:08:52,147 --> 00:08:53,015
KYLE !
272
00:08:53,448 --> 00:08:54,750
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ?
273
00:08:55,184 --> 00:08:57,786
I GOT BEAT UP AT SCHOOL--
FOR BEING DIFFERENT.
274
00:08:58,220 --> 00:08:59,087
WHAT ?!
275
00:08:59,087 --> 00:09:00,822
YOUR CLASSMATES BEAT YOU UP
FOR BEING A JEW ?
276
00:09:00,822 --> 00:09:02,124
NO !
277
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:03,425
FOR NOT BEING
A METROSEXUAL !
278
00:09:03,859 --> 00:09:04,726
GERALD !
279
00:09:04,726 --> 00:09:06,028
GERALD, GET DOWN HERE !
280
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:07,329
HEEERE I COME !
281
00:09:07,763 --> 00:09:10,365
( dance music )
282
00:09:16,438 --> 00:09:18,173
OH, NO, DAD'S
METROSEXUAL TOO ?
283
00:09:18,607 --> 00:09:20,342
KYLE !
YOU LOOK TERRIBLE !
284
00:09:20,342 --> 00:09:22,077
THE BOYS AT SCHOOL
BEAT HIM UP, GERALD !
285
00:09:22,077 --> 00:09:23,378
OH, REALLY ?
286
00:09:23,378 --> 00:09:25,113
WELL, DON'T YOU WORRY, KYLE.
287
00:09:25,113 --> 00:09:27,282
WE CAN COVER THAT BLACK EYE UP
WITH SOME CREAM BASE,
288
00:09:27,282 --> 00:09:29,451
AND THE COAT AND PANTS
WE'LL BLEACH WITH AN ACID WASH
289
00:09:29,451 --> 00:09:30,752
FOR A FUN, VINTAGE LOOK.
290
00:09:31,186 --> 00:09:33,355
AAAGH !
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE !
291
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,090
( dance music
coming from TV )
292
00:09:35,090 --> 00:09:36,391
( man )
There you go !
293
00:09:36,391 --> 00:09:37,693
Now you look
fabulous !
294
00:09:37,693 --> 00:09:38,994
You see that ?
295
00:09:38,994 --> 00:09:40,295
A spray-on tan does
wonders for your look !
296
00:09:40,295 --> 00:09:41,597
GRRRRRRR !
297
00:09:41,597 --> 00:09:42,898
Now, let's get down to
the tango class
298
00:09:42,898 --> 00:09:44,199
and learn some new steps.
299
00:09:44,199 --> 00:09:45,067
THAT DOES IT !
300
00:09:45,067 --> 00:09:47,236
I KNOW WHAT
I HAVE TO DO !
301
00:09:47,236 --> 00:09:49,404
( doorbell rings )
302
00:09:49,404 --> 00:09:50,706
OH, HELLO, MR. GARRISON.
303
00:09:50,706 --> 00:09:52,874
CHEF, CAN I TALK TO YOU ?
304
00:09:53,308 --> 00:09:54,610
SURE, COME ON IN.
305
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:55,477
THANKS.
306
00:09:55,477 --> 00:09:58,513
COME, SLAVE.
307
00:09:58,513 --> 00:10:01,116
IT'S JUST AWFUL, CHEF.
308
00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:03,719
I USED TO FEEL LIKE
AN OUTSIDER,
309
00:10:03,719 --> 00:10:06,321
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON
WHO STOOD OUT IN THIS TOWN.
310
00:10:06,755 --> 00:10:09,358
NOW EVERY STRAIGHT GUY
IS ACTING GAYER THAN ME !
311
00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:11,960
OH, JESUS,
JESUS CHRIST !
312
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:13,695
WELL, WHAT DO YOU
WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT ?
313
00:10:13,695 --> 00:10:17,165
CHEF, WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN WHITE
PEOPLE STOLE YOUR CULTURE ?
314
00:10:17,165 --> 00:10:18,467
OH.
315
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:19,768
WELL, WE BLACK PEOPLE JUST
ALWAYS TRIED TO STAY
316
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:21,503
OUT IN FRONT OF THEM.
317
00:10:21,503 --> 00:10:22,804
HOW DID YOU DO THAT ?
318
00:10:22,804 --> 00:10:24,106
WELL, LIKE WITH OUR SLANG.
319
00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:26,275
BLACK PEOPLE ALWAYS USED TO
SAY "I'M IN THE HOUSE"
320
00:10:26,275 --> 00:10:27,576
INSTEAD OF "I'M HERE".
321
00:10:28,010 --> 00:10:29,311
BUT THEN WHITE PEOPLE ALL
STARTED TO SAY "IN THE HOUSE"
322
00:10:29,311 --> 00:10:31,046
SO WE SWITCHED IT TO
"IN THE HISOUSE".
323
00:10:31,046 --> 00:10:32,781
"HISOUSE" BECAME "HISISOUSE".
324
00:10:32,781 --> 00:10:34,516
AND WHEN WHITE FOLK
STARTED SAYINGTHAT
325
00:10:34,516 --> 00:10:37,119
AND WE HAD TO CHANGE IT TO
"HEEZAY", THEN "IN THE HIZZLE",
326
00:10:37,119 --> 00:10:38,854
WHICH WE HAD TO CHANGE TO
"HIZZLE FOR ZIZZLE"
327
00:10:39,288 --> 00:10:41,456
AND NOW BECAUSE WHITE PEOPLE
SAY "HIZZLE FOR ZIZZLE"
328
00:10:41,890 --> 00:10:44,059
WE HAVE TO SAY "FLIPPITY
FLOPPITY FLOOP".
329
00:10:44,059 --> 00:10:47,963
WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR ALL THAT, CHEF !
330
00:10:47,963 --> 00:10:49,698
OH, IF ONLY THOSE "QUEER EYE
FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY" PEOPLE
331
00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,301
UNDERSTOOD WHAT
THEY WERE DOING.
332
00:10:52,301 --> 00:10:53,602
WAIT, THAT'S IT !
333
00:10:53,602 --> 00:10:55,771
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT TO DO !
334
00:10:55,771 --> 00:10:56,638
COME ON, MR. SLAVE,
335
00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:58,807
LET'S GET BACK TO OUR
FLIPPITY FLOPPITY FLOOP !
336
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:00,108
OH, NO !
337
00:11:00,108 --> 00:11:02,711
DAMMIT,
DON'T CALL IT THAT !
338
00:11:03,145 --> 00:11:05,314
ONE TICKET TO
NEW YORK, PLEASE.
339
00:11:05,314 --> 00:11:07,482
YOU'RE GOING TO
NEW YORK ALONE ?
340
00:11:07,482 --> 00:11:09,651
I'M GOING TO SEE THE "QUEER EYE
FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY" PEOPLE.
341
00:11:09,651 --> 00:11:10,952
OOH, GREAT IDEA !
342
00:11:10,952 --> 00:11:13,121
THEY CAN HELP YOU WITH
THOSE DATED CLOTHES.
343
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:28,737
MR. GARRISON ?
344
00:11:28,737 --> 00:11:30,038
KYLE, WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ?
345
00:11:30,038 --> 00:11:31,340
I'M GOING TO NEW YORK
346
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,075
TO KILL THE "QUEER EYE FOR
THE STRAIGHT GUY" PEOPLE.
347
00:11:33,075 --> 00:11:34,810
WHAT ?!
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING !
348
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:36,111
OH, NO,
THEY RUINED MY LIFE--
349
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:37,412
I GET TO KILL THEM FIRST !
350
00:11:37,846 --> 00:11:39,147
THEY TOOK GAY CULTURE
FROM REAL GAYS
351
00:11:39,147 --> 00:11:40,882
AND THEIR ASSES ARE OURS !
352
00:11:40,882 --> 00:11:41,750
I THOUGHT OF IT FIRST !
353
00:11:42,184 --> 00:11:43,051
NO YOU DIDN'T !
NO YOU DIDN'T !
354
00:11:43,051 --> 00:11:44,353
DID SO !
DID SO !
355
00:11:44,353 --> 00:11:45,220
I THOUGHT OF IT
YESTERDAY !
356
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:46,521
I THOUGHT OF IT
TWO DAYS AGO !
357
00:11:46,521 --> 00:11:47,389
I THOUGHT OF IT
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN !
358
00:11:47,823 --> 00:11:49,124
STOP IT, YOU TWO,
STOP IT !
359
00:11:49,124 --> 00:11:51,293
DON'T YOU SEE
HOW CRAZY THIS IS ?
360
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,895
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT,
MR. SLAVE.
361
00:11:53,895 --> 00:11:56,064
WE CAN BOTH
KILL THEM TOGETHER.
362
00:11:56,064 --> 00:11:58,667
COOL.
363
00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:00,402
WOW, WE LOOK GREAT !
364
00:12:00,402 --> 00:12:02,137
YEAH, LET'S SEE
CRAIG OUT-GAY US NOW !
365
00:12:02,571 --> 00:12:03,872
BOYS, BOYS,
COME ON !
366
00:12:03,872 --> 00:12:06,908
THERE'S A SALE DOWN
ATEXPRESS FOR MEN!
367
00:12:06,908 --> 00:12:10,812
HEY, GUYS, THERE'S A SALE
AT EXPRESS FOR MEN !
368
00:12:10,812 --> 00:12:12,981
OH MY GOD !
LET'S GO !
369
00:12:12,981 --> 00:12:15,584
YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TO SEE
THESE SHOES I BOUGHT !
370
00:12:15,584 --> 00:12:18,186
HURRY, YOU GUYS, THE MALL
CLOSES IN SEVEN HOURS !
371
00:12:18,186 --> 00:12:21,656
OH, WHY CAN'T WE ALL
LIVE AT THE MALL ?
372
00:12:21,656 --> 00:12:22,958
YOU KNOW, I'M STARTING
TO THINK
373
00:12:23,392 --> 00:12:25,994
THIS WHOLE METROSEXUAL THING
ISN'T SO GREAT.
374
00:12:26,428 --> 00:12:27,295
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
375
00:12:27,729 --> 00:12:28,597
ALL MY HUSBAND
EVER DOES NOW
376
00:12:29,030 --> 00:12:30,332
IS LOOK AT HIMSELF
IN THE MIRROR.
377
00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:32,934
HE CARES MORE ABOUT HOW
HE LOOKS THAN HOW I LOOK.
378
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:37,706
I HOPE SOMETHING HAPPENS SOON TO
PUT AN END TO THIS WHOLE FAD.
379
00:12:37,706 --> 00:12:39,875
GUYS, YOU'VE DONE
A TERRIFIC JOB !
380
00:12:40,308 --> 00:12:41,176
"QUEER EYE FOR THE
STRAIGHT GUY"
381
00:12:41,176 --> 00:12:44,212
IS OUR NUMBER ONE SHOW !
382
00:12:44,646 --> 00:12:46,815
WHAT CAN I SAY,
WE'RE FABULOUS !
383
00:12:46,815 --> 00:12:48,984
YOU GUYS ARE
CHANGING THE WORLD !
384
00:12:48,984 --> 00:12:51,153
AND TOMORROW, WE'RE
GONNA HAVE YOU MAKE OVER
385
00:12:51,153 --> 00:12:53,755
THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES !
386
00:12:53,755 --> 00:12:55,490
OH MY GOD, I THINK
I'M GONNA FAINT !
387
00:12:55,924 --> 00:12:57,659
( knock at door )
388
00:12:57,659 --> 00:12:59,394
( Mr. Garrison )
ROOM SERVICE.
389
00:12:59,394 --> 00:13:01,129
WHAT ? WE DIDN'T ORDER
ANY ROOM SERVICE.
390
00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:04,599
OH, WELL, THE WOMAN AT
THE FRONT DESK SENT IT UP.
391
00:13:04,599 --> 00:13:05,901
CAROL ?
392
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:09,371
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK ON THIS,
EXCUSE ME A MINUTE, FELLAS.
393
00:13:12,841 --> 00:13:13,708
CLEAR !
394
00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:15,444
OKAY, MR. SLAVE !
395
00:13:19,347 --> 00:13:22,384
UH, JESUS... CHRIST.
396
00:13:22,818 --> 00:13:26,288
WELL, CRAP,
THAT DIDN'T WORK.
397
00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:27,589
YOU BETTER
SHUT UP, CRAIG !
398
00:13:28,023 --> 00:13:28,890
EVERYONE KNOWS
IT'S TRUE !
399
00:13:29,324 --> 00:13:30,192
IT IS NOT !
400
00:13:30,192 --> 00:13:31,493
IS SO !
401
00:13:31,493 --> 00:13:32,360
CRAIG !
BEHAVE YOURSELF !
402
00:13:32,794 --> 00:13:34,529
YEAH, STANLEY WHAT ARE YOU
FIGHTING ABOUT ?
403
00:13:34,529 --> 00:13:36,698
DAD, CRAIG'S TRYING TO SAY THAT
HIS DAD CAN OUT-DRESS YOU !
404
00:13:36,698 --> 00:13:37,999
WHAT ?
405
00:13:37,999 --> 00:13:39,734
SON, THAT'S A SILLY THING
TO FIGHT ABOUT.
406
00:13:39,734 --> 00:13:42,337
YEAH, EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
I DRESS BETTER THAN RANDY.
407
00:13:42,771 --> 00:13:43,638
OH REALLY ?!
408
00:13:44,072 --> 00:13:46,675
I MEAN, YOU DO HAVE THE FASHION
SENSE OF A JAPANESE WOMAN.
409
00:13:46,675 --> 00:13:47,976
( guys )
OOOH !
410
00:13:47,976 --> 00:13:49,277
PLEASE, GIRLFRIEND,
411
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:51,446
YOU LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF
LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE NIGHTMARE.
412
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,615
OH, NO-- BURN !
413
00:13:54,049 --> 00:13:55,350
OH, STOP IT !
414
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:57,085
WILL YOU ALL
JUST STOP IT ?
415
00:13:57,085 --> 00:13:59,688
LOOK, YOU GUYS ARE
CARRYING THIS FAD TOO FAR,
416
00:13:59,688 --> 00:14:01,423
WILL YOU PLEASE STOP
ACTING THIS WAY ?
417
00:14:01,857 --> 00:14:05,760
YOU DON'T LIKE US
BEING METROSEXUAL ?
418
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,062
NO !
419
00:14:07,496 --> 00:14:09,664
WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT I THINK ?
420
00:14:09,664 --> 00:14:11,833
I THINK YOU'RE ALL
METROPHOBIC !
421
00:14:12,267 --> 00:14:13,134
YEAH ! YEAH !
422
00:14:13,568 --> 00:14:14,436
WHAT ?
423
00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:15,737
WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING
AMONGST OURSELVES,
424
00:14:15,737 --> 00:14:17,906
WE SHOULD BE UNITING AGAINST
METROPHOBES LIKE THESE !
425
00:14:17,906 --> 00:14:19,207
THIS IS CRAZY !
426
00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:22,244
CRAZY, DIFFERENT,
OUTCASTS...
427
00:14:22,244 --> 00:14:23,979
CALL US WHAT YOU WANT,
428
00:14:23,979 --> 00:14:26,581
BUT US METROS ARE REAL
PEOPLE, JUST LIKE YOU.
429
00:14:27,015 --> 00:14:30,051
YOU CAN METRO-BASH US ALL YOU
WANT, BUT WE'RE HERE TO STAY !
430
00:14:30,485 --> 00:14:32,220
YEAH, MOM, WE'RE PROUD
OF WHO WE ARE.
431
00:14:32,220 --> 00:14:33,522
THAT'S RIGHT, PROUD !
432
00:14:33,522 --> 00:14:34,823
YOU KNOW WHAT
I THINK, GUYS ?
433
00:14:34,823 --> 00:14:36,992
I THINK WE SHOULD HAVE A
METROSEXUAL PRIDE PARADE.
434
00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:39,594
GREAT IDEA, ERIC--
RAISE METROSEXUAL AWARENESS !
435
00:14:39,594 --> 00:14:41,329
WE CAN MAKE FLOATS
AND DECORATE THEM
436
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:42,631
WITH STREAMERS
AND FLOWERS !
437
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:43,932
WOO-HOO !
438
00:14:43,932 --> 00:14:45,233
COME ON, FELLAS !
439
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:46,535
OUT OF THE MALLS
AND INTO THE STREETS !
440
00:14:46,968 --> 00:14:48,703
( men chanting )
OUT OF THE MALLS
AND INTO THE STREETS !
441
00:14:48,703 --> 00:14:50,438
OUT OF THE MALLS AND
INTO THE STREETS...
442
00:14:50,438 --> 00:14:53,475
WHAT THE HELL DID
THAT SHOW DO TO THEM ?
443
00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:56,511
YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANT TO PRESS CHARGES ?
444
00:14:56,511 --> 00:14:57,379
THAT'S OKAY, OFFICER,
445
00:14:57,812 --> 00:14:59,548
I THINK THEY LEARNED
MURDER IS WRONG.
446
00:14:59,548 --> 00:15:01,283
ESPECIALLY INTHOSEPANTS.
447
00:15:01,716 --> 00:15:04,319
LOOK, GUYS, WE'RE SORRY
WE TRIED TO MURDER YOU,
448
00:15:04,319 --> 00:15:06,488
BUT YOU HAVE TO STOP
WHAT YOU'RE DOING !
449
00:15:06,488 --> 00:15:07,789
ARE YOU CRAZY ?
450
00:15:07,789 --> 00:15:09,524
WE'RE THE HOTTEST THING
ON TV !
451
00:15:09,524 --> 00:15:11,259
BUT DON'T YOU SEE THE PRICE ?
452
00:15:11,259 --> 00:15:13,428
YOU'RE SELLING OUT
YOUR OWN KIND.
453
00:15:13,428 --> 00:15:15,597
LOOK, US GAYS HAVE
CREATED A LIFESTYLE,
454
00:15:16,031 --> 00:15:18,199
A CULTURE THAT IS
UNIQUELY OURS.
455
00:15:18,199 --> 00:15:20,368
IF WE KEEP TRYING TO MAKE
STRAIGHT PEOPLE INTO US,
456
00:15:20,368 --> 00:15:23,405
WELL, WE'RE GONNA HAVE
NO IDENTITY LEFT.
457
00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:29,044
SORRY CHARLIE,
NO SALE.
458
00:15:29,044 --> 00:15:32,514
BUT... BUT...
THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE !
459
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:35,984
HOW CAN GAY MEN DO THIS
TO THEIR OWN PEOPLE ?!
460
00:15:35,984 --> 00:15:40,322
UNLESS... YOU'RE NOT
GAY AT ALL.
461
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:45,527
( deep voices )
YOU JUST HAD TO PUSH IT,
DIDN'T YOU ?
462
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:49,431
JUST HAD TO KEEP
ASKING QUESTIONS.
463
00:15:49,431 --> 00:15:52,467
NOW YOU KNOW THE TRUTH.
464
00:15:52,467 --> 00:15:53,335
THEY AREN'T GAY ?
465
00:15:53,768 --> 00:15:55,070
THEN WHAT ARE THEY ?
466
00:15:55,070 --> 00:15:56,371
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS
467
00:15:56,371 --> 00:15:58,540
OUR KIND HAVE LIVED
BENEATH THE EARTH'S CRUST,
468
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,709
BANISHED BY MAN
IN THE KINDLING WARS.
469
00:16:00,709 --> 00:16:04,179
OH MY GOD.
470
00:16:08,516 --> 00:16:11,119
WE ARE
THE CRAB PEOPLE !
471
00:16:11,119 --> 00:16:12,420
AAAAH !
472
00:16:12,420 --> 00:16:14,155
JESUS CHRIST !
473
00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:15,890
( chanting )
CRAB PEOPLE...
474
00:16:16,324 --> 00:16:18,059
CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE...
475
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:33,475
( chanting )
CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE...
476
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:37,379
SEE NOW, WHERE WE HAVE BEEN
FORCED TO LIVE
477
00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:39,114
FOR A THOUSAND YEARS !
478
00:16:39,114 --> 00:16:41,282
BUT SOON, WE SHALL
RULE THE LAND ABOVE
479
00:16:41,282 --> 00:16:43,451
AND MANKIND
WILL BE GONE !
480
00:16:43,451 --> 00:16:45,186
GONE ?!
481
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:49,090
CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE...
482
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:52,994
CRAB PEOPLE ARE TOO SMALL AND
WEAK TO TAKE MAN OVER BY FORCE,
483
00:16:52,994 --> 00:16:56,898
AND SO WE CAME UP WITH
OUR PERFECT PLAN.
484
00:16:59,934 --> 00:17:04,272
IF YOU CAN'T BEAT MAN--
CHANGE MAN !
485
00:17:04,272 --> 00:17:05,573
I KNEW IT.
486
00:17:05,573 --> 00:17:08,176
I KNEW GAY PEOPLE WOULD NEVER
DO THIS TO THEIR OWN KIND !
487
00:17:08,176 --> 00:17:10,345
WHEN ALL THE WORLD
IS METROSEXUAL
488
00:17:10,345 --> 00:17:13,815
THE CRAB PEOPLE SHALL
FINALLY REIGN SUPREME !
489
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:17,719
CRAB PEOPLE, CRAB PEOPLE...
490
00:17:18,153 --> 00:17:21,189
TASTE LIKE CRAB,
TALK LIKE PEOPLE.
491
00:17:21,189 --> 00:17:23,792
CRAB PEOPLE...
492
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,394
YOU'LL NEVER TURN ME
INTO A METROSEXUAL !
493
00:17:26,394 --> 00:17:28,997
I LIKE BEING A DIRTY,
FILTHY LITTLE BOY !
494
00:17:28,997 --> 00:17:30,298
VERY WELL !
495
00:17:30,298 --> 00:17:32,467
IF WE CAN'T MAKE YOU
INTO METROSEXUALS
496
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:35,937
THEN WE WILL MAKE YOU
INTO CRAB PEOPLE !
497
00:17:36,371 --> 00:17:38,540
TAKE THEM !
498
00:17:38,973 --> 00:17:41,576
( dance music )
♪ ... THINGS JUST KEEP
GETTING BETTER ♪
499
00:17:41,576 --> 00:17:43,311
♪ YOU CAME
INTO MY LIFE... ♪
500
00:17:43,311 --> 00:17:45,914
CRAB PEOPLE...
CRAB PEOPLE...
501
00:17:45,914 --> 00:17:48,083
♪ AND MY WORLD NEVER
LOOKED SO BRIGHT ♪
502
00:17:48,083 --> 00:17:50,685
♪ IT'S TRUE
YOU BRING OUT THE BEST IN ME ♪
503
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,589
♪ WHEN YOU ARE AROUND
WHEN YOU ARE AROUND... ♪
504
00:17:54,589 --> 00:17:56,324
CRAB PEOPLE...
505
00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:58,059
♪ THINGS JUST KEEP
GETTING BETTER ♪♪
506
00:17:58,493 --> 00:18:00,228
CRAB PEOPLE...
507
00:18:00,228 --> 00:18:02,397
TOM, I'M STANDING
IN SOUTH PARK, COLORADO
508
00:18:02,397 --> 00:18:04,999
WHERE THE FIRST ANNUAL
METROSEXUAL PRIDE PARADE
509
00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:06,735
IS UNDER WAY !
510
00:18:07,168 --> 00:18:09,337
( cheering )
511
00:18:09,337 --> 00:18:11,506
WE'RE HERE !
WE'RE NOT QUEER !
512
00:18:11,506 --> 00:18:13,675
BUT WE'RE CLOSE !
GET USED TO IT !
513
00:18:13,675 --> 00:18:14,976
WE'RE HERE !
WE'RE NOT QUEER !
514
00:18:15,410 --> 00:18:16,711
BUT WE'RE CLOSE...
515
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:19,314
THIS DOES IT !
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE !
516
00:18:19,314 --> 00:18:20,615
I SHOULD HAVE
NEVER WISHED FOR
517
00:18:20,615 --> 00:18:22,350
A CLEANER,
NEATER HUSBAND !
518
00:18:22,350 --> 00:18:23,651
LADIES, GET YOUR THINGS.
519
00:18:24,085 --> 00:18:25,820
I KNOW WHAT
WE HAVE TO DO.
520
00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,893
WHOA, LOOK OUT !
521
00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:34,929
OH MY GOD !
IT'S ON FIRE !
522
00:18:34,929 --> 00:18:36,664
PUT IT OUT !
PUT IT OUT !
523
00:18:36,664 --> 00:18:39,267
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING--
THESE ARE BRAND-NEW PANTS !
524
00:18:39,267 --> 00:18:41,002
THE HEAT COULD REALLY
DAMAGE OUR HAIR !
525
00:18:41,002 --> 00:18:42,737
WE BETTER LET THE POLICE
HANDLE THIS !
526
00:18:42,737 --> 00:18:44,038
ARE YOU CRAZY ?
527
00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:45,774
I JUST HAD MY
UNIFORM PRESSED !
528
00:18:45,774 --> 00:18:47,509
OH JESUS, IT'S BURNING !
529
00:18:47,509 --> 00:18:49,244
PUT IT OUT !
PUT IT OUT !
530
00:18:49,244 --> 00:18:52,280
JESUS !
FIRE !
531
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:56,184
MR. PRESIDENT, IT IS SUCH
AN HONOR TO MAKE YOU OVER !
532
00:18:56,184 --> 00:18:58,353
NOW, WE'VE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR.
533
00:18:58,353 --> 00:19:00,522
AND YOUR NAILS ARE FILTHY,
LET'S GET THOSE CLEAN.
534
00:19:00,955 --> 00:19:02,690
THIS IS GAY GOLD !
535
00:19:03,124 --> 00:19:05,727
STOP THEM !
THEY'RE CRAB PEOPLE !
536
00:19:05,727 --> 00:19:07,896
THEY CANNOT SEE OR
HEAR US, FOOLISH MAN !
537
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:09,631
NOW STAND BY AND WATCH
538
00:19:09,631 --> 00:19:12,233
AS YOUR PITIFUL RACE
BECOMES HELPLESS !
539
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:13,968
THAT IS VERY GOOD,
MR. PRESIDENT !
540
00:19:13,968 --> 00:19:17,005
NOW, PUT ON THIS
SILK JACKET.
541
00:19:17,005 --> 00:19:18,306
NO, MR. PRESIDENT,
DON'T DO IT !
542
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:19,607
HELP !
543
00:19:19,607 --> 00:19:20,909
YOU BASTARDS.
544
00:19:21,342 --> 00:19:22,210
THAT LOOKS GREAT !
545
00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:24,379
NOW, HOW ABOUT
SOME MOISTURIZER.
546
00:19:24,379 --> 00:19:26,981
THERE THEY ARE !
GET 'EM !
547
00:19:26,981 --> 00:19:28,283
WHAT ?
548
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:30,451
YOU TURNED OUR HUSBANDS INTO
WHINY LITTLE WUSSES !
549
00:19:30,451 --> 00:19:33,488
IT'S PAYBACK TIME !
550
00:19:36,958 --> 00:19:38,693
OH MY GOD !
WHAT ARE THEY DOING ?
551
00:19:38,693 --> 00:19:40,428
NO, NOOO !
552
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:47,368
WHA-- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?
553
00:19:47,368 --> 00:19:49,537
WE'RE SORRY, BUT WE DIDN'T
HAVE A CHOICE.
554
00:19:49,971 --> 00:19:51,706
YOU SEE, AT FIRST WE LIKED
HAVING OUR MEN
555
00:19:52,140 --> 00:19:53,441
BE CLEAN AND NEAT.
556
00:19:53,875 --> 00:19:55,610
WE THOUGHT THAT HAVING THEM
USE PRODUCT IN THEIR HAIR
557
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:57,345
AND WANTING FACIALS
WOULD MAKE THEM SEXIER.
558
00:19:57,345 --> 00:19:59,080
BUT IT DOESN'T.
559
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:01,683
THAT'S RIGHT, EVEN THOUGH MY
STEPHEN SICKS ME OUT SOMETIMES,
560
00:20:02,116 --> 00:20:05,153
IT'S HIS RUGGED, MANLY GROSSNESS
THAT I'M ATTRACTED TO.
561
00:20:05,153 --> 00:20:07,322
WE'RE SORRY, BUT WE KNEW
THE ONLY ANSWER
562
00:20:07,322 --> 00:20:09,490
WAS TO KILL THE
QUEER EYE GUYS.
563
00:20:09,490 --> 00:20:11,659
WELL, YOU'RE GOING TO
JAIL FOR THE--
564
00:20:11,659 --> 00:20:14,696
WAIT A MINUTE--
WHAT IS THAT ?
565
00:20:14,696 --> 00:20:16,865
NO, OUR EVIL PLANS.
566
00:20:16,865 --> 00:20:20,335
NOOO...
567
00:20:20,335 --> 00:20:22,070
OH MY GOD.
568
00:20:22,070 --> 00:20:23,805
THEY WERE CRAB PEOPLE.
569
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,106
YES !
570
00:20:25,106 --> 00:20:26,841
THEY WERE TRYING TO
SYSTEMATICALLY
571
00:20:26,841 --> 00:20:29,010
MAKE MEN INTO WUSSES SO THEY
COULD TAKE OVER THE WORLD !
572
00:20:29,444 --> 00:20:30,745
MOM !
KYLE !
573
00:20:30,745 --> 00:20:32,914
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN
THEY WERE CRAB PEOPLE.
574
00:20:32,914 --> 00:20:35,083
THEY TRIED THIS BEFORE
WITH "THE JEFFERSONS".
575
00:20:35,083 --> 00:20:38,119
SO NOW CAN YOU PLEASE CHANGE
YOUR NETWORK'S PROGRAMMING ?
576
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:39,420
YES.
577
00:20:39,420 --> 00:20:41,155
YES, I THINK THIS
GAY FAD IS OVER.
578
00:20:41,155 --> 00:20:42,891
GENTLEMEN,
BACK TO STUDIO 12.
579
00:20:42,891 --> 00:20:45,927
WE'RE GONNA BRING BACK
THE LATIN FAD !
580
00:20:48,963 --> 00:20:51,132
HEY,ESES.
581
00:20:51,566 --> 00:20:54,602
HEY,JEFE,
YOU WANT SOMECERVESA?
582
00:20:57,205 --> 00:20:58,072
KYLE !
583
00:20:58,072 --> 00:21:01,109
HEY, ESE, YOU WANNA COME
PLAY CATCH WITH US ?
584
00:21:01,109 --> 00:21:01,976
WHAT ?
585
00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:03,278
YOU WANT ME TO
HANG OUT WITH YOU ?
586
00:21:03,711 --> 00:21:05,446
YEAH, IT'S COOL, HOLMES.
587
00:21:05,446 --> 00:21:07,181
NO, DUDE,
IT REALLY ISN'T COOL.
588
00:21:07,181 --> 00:21:09,350
YOU ALL TURNED
YOUR BACKS ON ME.
589
00:21:09,784 --> 00:21:11,519
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY
BEST FRIENDS AND YOU JUST,
590
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:12,820
YOU TREATED ME
LIKE NOTHING.
591
00:21:12,820 --> 00:21:14,122
AND NOW YOU ALL EXPECT ME
TO JUST FORGET IT ALL
592
00:21:14,122 --> 00:21:16,724
AND HANG OUT WITH YOU AGAIN
LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED ?
593
00:21:17,158 --> 00:21:18,893
OH JESUS, KYLE, DON'T BE SUCH
A WHINY LITTLE GAY-WAD.
594
00:21:18,893 --> 00:21:20,194
COME PLAY CATCH
WITH US.
595
00:21:20,194 --> 00:21:22,363
YEAH, DON'T BE
SUCH A FAG, DUDE !
596
00:21:31,906 --> 00:21:34,075
GOD DAMMIT.
597
00:21:34,509 --> 00:21:37,111
Captioning made possible by
Comedy Central
598
00:21:37,111 --> 00:21:40,148
Captioned by
Soundwriters™
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