Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Comedy central

♪ i'm going down To south park ♪

♪ gonna have Myself a time ♪

♪ friendly faces Everywhere ♪

♪ humble folks Without temptation ♪

♪ going down To south park ♪

♪ gonna leave my Woes behind ♪

♪ ample parking Day or night ♪

♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪

♪ headin' on up To south park ♪

♪ gonna see If i can't unwind ♪

♪ ( muffled mumble Muffled mumble ) ♪

♪ so come on down To south park ♪

♪ and meet some Friends of mine ♪♪

( kyle ) Wow, dude.

( eric ) Man, indians Have it good, huh ?

Now, eric, they're called Native americans, remember ?

Show some respect.

Welcome to the Three feathers casino.

I am your host, Chief runswithpremise.

Please try your luck at One of our many games.

Alright ! Let's go !

Ahp-- i am afraid minors cannot Go onto the casino floor.

I'm not a miner, Dumbass.

You see a shovel In my hand ?

You kids can enjoy our Native american comedy club.

Alright, we're gonna Hit the tables.

Why don't you kids run along To the comedy club ?

Alright, time to Win some money !

Ooh yeah, Blackjack table !

Welcome to the Blackjack table.

May luck run through you like The spirit of the buffalo.

Gerald, this is $10 a hand !

Relax, sweetie-- I know how to count cards.

Well, i don't Want to play here.

Yeah, come on, Sheila,

Let's go to The nickel slots.

Ooh, the nickel slots,

You might win The $30 jackpot !

Ah, women, huh ? God i hate 'em.

Alright, time to show these People how to gamble !

( announcer ) Welcome to the three feathers Comedy club.

Please put your hands together For johnny manymoons !

What is native american Comedy anyway ?

Thank you, thank you.

Bear walked into A bar.

Bear said to deer, "may i please...

Have a drink ?"

And so Deer said to bear

"why the big pause ?"

( drum thump )

( indian war chanting ) Ha ha ha ha !

Ha ha ha ha ! Ha ha ha ha !

Many moons ago, pony and Eagle walked up to coyote.

Pony said to coyote, "i am very mad at eagle.

Will you yell at him For me ?"

Coyote said to pony,

"why can you not Yell yourself ?"

And pony replied,

"because i am A little horse."

( drum thump )

Ha ha ha ha ! Ha ha ha ha !

How's it goin', Gerald ?

Oh, not so good.

Yeah, i know What you mean.

I'm down 300 bucks.

Yeah, i'm down 26,000.

Yeah, well, Maybe we should--

Wait-- $26,000 ?!

I forgot to tell you, I have a gambling problem.

Gerald, 26,000-- !

Shh-- i have to win it back Before sheila finds out !

Where did you get That kind of money ?

The casino gave me credit.

I put the house up As collateral.

But i still have This $10 chip !

Dealer 21. Sorry.

That's it, I'm destitute...

Loan me money !

You've gotta have Money in the cup !

What's in the cup ?

Just six quarters !

Oh god. Oh jesus.

Thank you for playing At three feathers.

May your life be filled with The song of the sparrow.

Oh, shove the song of the Sparrow up your ass !

How am i gonna Tell my family ?

How do i tell them that tomorrow We have to pack up our things

And get out of The house ?

There's daddy !

Oh, jesus.

Where have You guys been ?

We've been Looking all over.

Yeah, come on, dad, This place sucks !

I wanna go !

What-- What did you say ?

I said I wanna leave !

Oh, you wanna leave, huh ?!

Okay, fine, kyle, When we get home

We'll just pack up our things, Load 'em in the car

And we'll leave !

What ? No, no, i mean--

No, no, no, if you wanna Leave south park, fine !

Tomorrow we're leaving !

Gerald, what are you Talking about ?

Oh, you heard him, sheila-- Kyle wants to leave.

Our nice old house doesn't "interest" kyle anymore.

Well, i'm calling a moving Company right now !

You shouldn't be Such a dick, dude.

What's wrong with gerald ?

He... He lost his house To the native americans.

What ?

But don't the native americans Know he has nowhere else to go ?

They don't care.

Look at them, Small-minded idiots

Pouring their Life's savings away.

Their cash flows Out of them

Like diarrhea From the buffalo.

Yes, but we have milked these Simple mountain folk almost dry.

If we really Want to see cash flow

We need to bring in City people, from denver.

Yes...

It is time for us to Implement our plan !

A super highway, built from Denver right to our casino !

And we do we do about the Small town of south park

That lies in the Highway's way ?

Simple...

We buy it And we demolish it.

( chanting laugh ) Ha ha ha ha ! Ha ha ha ha !

Ha ha ha ha ! Ha ha ha ha !

And that's really All i can tell you.

The town of south park Is going to be leveled

In order to make way for A 12-lane super highway.

But how can they Do that ?

The native americans Have purchased the land

Out from under us.

Tomorrow they're buying The last of what they need

To have Complete ownership.

Well, can't we Stop them ?

Let's call the bank !

The native americans Bought the bank.

Oh my god !

Now look, it isn't All horrible.

The native americans are Offering you retail values

On your homes.

No, screw that !

We'll just pool Our money together

And buy the town Ourselves !

That's right ! Yeah !

Yeah, let the south park People own south park !

Yeah !

How much do we Have to raise, mayor ?

Three hundred Thousand dollars.

Oh, never mind.

How can they Do that, huh ?

How can they make us All move away ?

Because they're rich, Greedy-ass indians.

Native americans.

Our whole town, gone...

We've had such Great times here...

( screams of mayhem )

We can't let them Do it, you guys !

We have to find a way to Stop those native americans !

Yeah !

Yeah, This is our town !

We shouldn't have to make A bunch of new friends

Somewhere else, We're a team !

Yeah, that's right !

That's right !

Yeah, We're a team.

We just have to figure out A way to raise $300,000.

Wait a minute ! I've got it, you guys !

We can get kyle Infected with aids

And then start A charity organization

That we steal Money from !

Come on, let's go !

No ? We can't Give kyle aids ?

We need something that will Get us money tomorrow.

Hey, i know, How about a dog parade ?

Dog parade ?

Yeah, we dress up all our Dogs in little outfits

And parade them Down the street.

It'd be so adorable !

How do we make $300,000 Doing that ?

Oh... Well, we could Sell tickets

To our moms and dads !

Our moms and dads are the ones Who need money, butters !!

Oh...

Maybe give Kyle aids, huh ?

Lookin' a little Better now.

Oh gerald, I can't watch !

How can you do this To people ?

We're sorry, but if we do not Build a super highway,

Our casino might stop Seeing profits.

There's more to life Than profits.

Like what ?

Like, you know... Slurpees and stuff.

Well, come on, honey.

I guess we should start Packing up our things as well.

Yeah, so long, South park.

Mom ! Dad !

We figured out a way We could raise $300,000 !

A dog parade ?

No !

Stan, we've all tried To raise money

But we only raised $10,000

And the deadline Is tomorrow.

I know, so how about We take the $10,000

Back to the Indian casino ?

Tell them, kyle.

The odds on a single number In roulette are 35 to 1.

That means with a $10,000 bet You win 350,000 !

Boys, That's ridiculous.

Look, we've got Nothing to lose.

What do you guys think ?

It's a long shot.

Yeah, but its the only shot We've got to save our town.

"the residents of south park Had hoped to raise $300,000

"but in the end managed To raise only 10.

"the loss of their town May be imminent

For the poor people Of south park."

Aww, i fink i'm going To cwyyy !

Ha ha ha ha ! Ha ha ha ha !

Alright, boys, you're Gonna have to wait here.

Dad--

Good luck.

It's in God's hands now.

Stand aside, everyone !

What are they doing ?

We're gonna try to beat you At your own game,

Chief runswithpremise !

$10,000-- On 31 black.

( crowd gasps )

Impossible.

Come on, Come on...

Thirty one... Black.

( cheering )

We did it ! We did it !

Oh my god !

Oh, this is amazing !

No ! Noooo !

They did it ! They did it !

South park is saved !

We have plenty enough To save our town now !

Yeah ! But wait--

$350,000-- that means If we won again

It would be 12 and A quarter million !

We could save the town And be super rich !

Oh, hell yeah, Let it ride !

Let it ride !

What the hell Are they doing ?!

Let's go, 31 ! Let's see it !,

Two, red, You lose.

( everyone ) Awwww !!

Dammit !

Hmm !

They-- They had it !

They freakin' had it !

You totally had it.

You had enough to save The town and then some.

Stan, okay ?

You just don't understand The fine points of gambling.

You're never Supposed to stop

When you're on A winning streak.

A winning streak ?! You played one game !

Stan, okay ?

What ?!

Alright, stan, Okay ?

You people just got greedy Like the native americans.

Hey, mister !

We are not like them, Alright ?!

Now we may have pie-in-the- Sky dreams once in a while,

But we aren't the ones kicking People out of their homes.

So don't you compare us To those coldhearted,

Moneygrubbing, evil, Stinky indians !

I'm sorry-- Native americans.

There you are, sir, there's The check for your home.

Just sign here and here.

Well, this is it, mr. Slave, We're officially homeless.

( sobbing )

Oh, jesus... Jesus christ !

Dad, what are you doing ?

Don't take their Dirty money !

Stanley, we don't Have a choice.

The native americans Own south park now.

We have to take what they'll Give us for our homes.

There you go, Have a nice day.

Come on, you guys, This is our town !

It's over, stanley, What else can we do ?

We can stay-- And fight.

Yeah, when the indians come To tear up our town,

We kick 'em In the nuts !!

Yeah !

Yeah, they don't own Our town-- we do !

I'm sorry, boys,

You just don't Understand economics.

It'll be okay, boys,

We'll just move to The next town over.

Oh sure, until the Native americans decide

They want That land, too.

What if the native americans Just keep building their casinos

And their highways, until We have nowhere else to go ?

We have to stand up To them, now !

Forget it. Come on, you guys !

You're all a bunch of God damn pussies !

Get out of our way !

No, we won't let you Destroy our town !

Boys, it isn't Your town anymore.

Just because you have a piece Of paper saying you own it

Doesn't make it yours.

We grew up here, Our parents grew up here.

We shop at thatwal-mart And eat at thatchili's.

We take fish from the streams

And bread them and freeze them To make fish sticks.

This is not just a town, It is our way of life.

Well, your way of life is about To change, little boys.

Now, move !

You can't just roll into places And take people's lives away !

And what are four little boys Going to do to stop us, huh ?

( crowd chanting ) Bom bom bom, bom bom.

Bom bom bom, Bom bom...

♪ we are strong ♪

♪ no one can tell us We're wrong ♪

♪ searching our hearts For so long ♪

♪ all of us knowing ♪

♪ love is a Battlefield ♪♪

This land is not For sale.

Dammit !

I thought you said They were dealt with !

They were !

Sorry, charlies !

You can just keep your filthy, Bastard, indian money !

Filthy, bastard, Native american money.

Oh, right, Sorry about that.

This isn't over !

( trucks beeping reverse )

We'll never give up !

You bastards !

Yeah, south park Is ours !

But what do we do now ?

I mean, we can't stand here And block their way forever.

We can stand here As long as it takes !

What is the state Of our people ?

Last night i spoke with The spirit of the bear.

And bear said that If we do not build Our super highway soon,

Our investors May soon sell off

Their shares of The new casino.

Yes, and eagle says the Cumulative shared market loss

On the revenue of the new Casino drops 15% every day.

Then we must force The south park people

Off their petty land.

But they are determined And proud.

And the spirit of the wind has Stated that if we use force

It could be A publicity nightmare,

Further hurting Our net assets.

I already have a plan how we Can force them off their land...

Sneakily.

We're going to Give them...

Blankets !

Blankets ?

Yes, we will present the Blankets as a peace offering.

But what the round eyes Will not know,

Is that the blankets are Infected with sars !

They will all get sars !

And then sars will run through Their town like a buffalo.

Now, i need your help getting The sars onto the blankets.

Okay, bring them in !

( mock chinese )

Let's see how south park Deals with this !

( yelling in chinese )

Everyone, grab A chinese person

And rub them On a blanket !

Make sure you rub them All over !

Get the sars Nice and deep in there.

Tom, i'm standing in Chilly south park, colorado

Where the residents are Entering the third day

Of their sit-in to try And stop native americans

From building a super highway Through their town.

The temperature is low, but Spirits are pretty low too.

What do they want ?

We're not moving, Ass-faces !

Free blanket ?

Though we know We have differences,

We believe that a compromise Can be reached.

In the meantime, it hurts us To see you all on television

Sitting in the cold.

Will you not take this offering As a gesture of goodwill ?

You had me At "free blanket".

Free blanket ? Free blanket ?

Blanket ?

Tom, it now looks as if The native americans

Are handing out blankets As a sign of goodwill

Towards the South park people.

What an incredible display Of compassion.

I certainly hope there's Nothing sinister behind it.

Please, as a token Of good faith.

You... Understand if i'm a Little wary of trusting you.

It is only a blanket, Mr. Marsh.

Well, thanks.

Oh... You're welcome.

( coughing, groaning )

Tom, it's tuesday Morning now

And the outbreak of sars In south park

Has reached Epic proportions.

( coughs, sniffs )

The entire town Has been quarantined

By the federal government, Nobody allowed in or out,

Which means nobody can Come to our aid.

It appears this town, and this Reporter, are done for.

Coming up next, choosing The right hair conditioner--

What you don't know about Hair care products

Could be costing you A bundle !

( coughing )

It's alright, dad.

How is your mother ?

She's hanging in there.

Here, drink some beer.

It's cool on my tongue.

You're gonna be Alright.

Stanley, listen to me.

I have sars.

There's only a 98% chance That i will live.

No, dad, no !

Listen, stan !

Sars is destroying Our people.

The native americans put it In the blankets they gave us.

( coughs )

Soon there will be Only 98% of us left.

What can i do ?

You-- must find a cure For sars, son,

And save our people.

Cure sars ?! Aw, jesus !

The spirit of Middle-class white people

Is strong in you, stan.

Seek out the wise man In bellocreek.

Now go, go !

( knocks )

What ?

Hey, my name's stan, And i was--

Your coming was Foretold to me.

You've come to Save our people.

Come in.

Watch the cats.

Uh, so, do you know How to cure sars ?

Me ? Ha !

No, i am just a guide.

Sit down.

You must find The answer yourself

By taking An inward journey.

An inward journey ? That sounds kinda gay.

Let the voices of our Ancestors show you the way.

Breathe... Breathe from The bag of visions.

Ugh. Oh, dude !

How much longer must we wait For our super highway ?

Sars has spread throughout The entire town of south park,

Chief runswithpremise.

Their wills Will break soon.

Then i suppose we Must be patient.

Runswithpremise, Come quickly !

What is the matter, Wife ?

It is our son, Premiserunningthin,

He is very sick !

Premiserunningthin, What is the matter ?

He... He shared a glass with One of the people from china.

He has sars.

No !

I told you Not to touch them !

Papa...

Papaaa...

I have given him herbs From the desert plant

And water from The cactus of life,

But nothing Seems to be working.

This would not have happened If those townpeople

Would have just Moved away !

No more waiting around--

Tomorrow we begin the Final stage of our plan !

Shock and awe !

( groaning, coughing )

Dad ! Dad !

Stanley !

Did you have an inward journey With the old man ?

Did you have a vision ?

I don't know if i did or not, I saw something,

Someone spoke to me

And told me the middle-class White way to cure sars--

Campbell'schicken noodle soup, Dayquil,andsprite.

Yes, Yes, of course.

Quickly stan, we must Give it to everyone.

Boy, that really Did the trick, stan.

I thought we were kinda, Sort of, not really done for !

Thanks to you, We're all safe now, stan.

( man ) Aaahghgh !!!

Now, i will blow your weak, Sars-infested bodies

Off the earth !

What the--

Wait a minute.

Stop, stop !

Your, your sars-- Where did it go ?

We have cured ourselves using The medicines of our culture.

My son, premiserunningthin, Has the sars as well.

You, you can cure him ?

It is amazing.

All our plants and herbs Failed to heal him.

But your people's remedy

Brings the spirit of the Buffalo back into his heart.

Perhaps there are Many things we can learn

From your way of life.

We're a simple people,

All we want is to be Allowed to live our lives.

You have cured Premiserunningthin.

In return, i shall give you all $5 credit at the casino.

Alright, alright.

I will not build a super Highway through your town,

And you can all Have your homes back.

Alright ! Yeah !

Woo-hoo !

Well, i guess we all Learned that south park

Is more than just a town.

It's a community that Nobody can split up !

Dude, who the hell Are you ?!

Alex.

Alex glick ?

I got to come on and do The guest voice thingy ?

What ?!

Get the hell Out of here !

Hi, mom ! Hi, dad ! Hi, jill !

Captioning made possible by Comedy central

Captioned by Soundwriters™