Original subtitles

The more efficient, uh,

pressurized synchronization mechanism,

wing camera and empennage.

Can you think of anything else

that might give us a smoother flight?

Yeah. The weather.

No. I'm meeting Miss Brandon.

I don't know whether she's here... Steve!

Steve Douglas, of all people!

Well, hello, Pam.

I thought you'd probably joined the astronauts.

How are the boys? They're fine, thanks.

And your father-in-law?

He's very well. Good.

Oh, uh, Pam, this is Ed Giles,

our West Coast representative.

Ed, this is Miss Pamela... Oh.

Oh, dear. Pamela MacLish.

It was all my fault.

Now, that's all right.

I've always wanted a soggy empennage.

Won't you, uh, join us, Miss MacLish?

Well, Ed, I think we'd better be getting back to the plant.

And my luncheon date is-is waiting.

Oh.

Good-bye, Steve. Good-bye.

Awfully nice to have seen you again.

Nice to see you again.

You know, I'll always remember

that one lovely dinner we had.

That lovely dinner with candlelight.

Yes.

Good-bye, Mr. Giles.

Uh, well, sit down.

Only, uh, one dinner?

Yes, uh, well, she's a very attractive girl.

She's a good cook, too.

It's just that, uh, well, I got the idea she wanted

to cook all my meals, and, uh,

I guess she scared me off a little.

One dinner and you let him get away?

Really, Pam.

You should be expelled from the female race.

Well, Meg, a girl can't just throw herself at a man.

At least I can't.

Well, you like him, don't you?

Uh-huh.

Well, then don't just sit here looking wistful.

For heaven's sakes, do something about it.

What's his situation at home?

Well, he's a widower, and he has three boys

and an Irish father-in-law.

An Irish father-in-law?

Mm-hmm.

Well, how wonderful. There is your reason

for dropping by once in a while.

What is?

The Daughters of the Emerald Isle.

They're going to bring

those dancers over here.

You mean, to ask him to...

Oh, Meg, I couldn't do that.

Oh, hi, there.

Hi.

Do you remember me, Mr. O'Casey?

Of course I do. You're Miss MacLish.

But Steve isn't home.

Oh, but it isn't Steve that I want.

It's you.

Me?

How come?

Because you're an Irishman.

Oh, well, come in, won't you? Come in.

Thank you. Yeah.

You see, I'm with the Daughters of the Emerald Isle.

Oh, well,

Steve takes care of all those things down at the office.

Oh, no. No, it's nothing like that.

You see, the Daughters of the Emerald Isle

are trying to get advanced pledges to buy tickets

to bring a group of Dublin dancers to this country.

May I count on you for... for two?

Please?

Just for dear old Ireland.

Oh, well, for dear old Ireland.

Oh, thank you.

You're a darling.

Just a darling.

Oh, uh, Bub, never mind looking for my Spanish book.

I just remembered that I left it at school.

Chip, come on. Let's go, Chip.

See you, Bub!

So long, Bub. See you later.

Oh, hi, Mike. Robbie.

Hi, Miss MacLish. Well, so long. We'll see you.

Got to go to school. Oh.

Hi. Hi.

They do have manners, but they didn't put them on.

Oh, they're fine boys.

Yeah. I, uh, well, I couldn't resist

coming by to tell you how much luck your pledge has brought us.

Oh?

The Dublin Dancers are practically on their way.

Well, that's fine.

There's some coffee left.

Well, that's wonderful. I'd love a cup.

In the kitchen. Oh.

Your family certainly leaves the house early.

And messy.

Why don't you sit over there, Miss MacLish?

Thank you.

Now, here's a cup of nice, hot coffee.

Oh, wonderful.

You know, when I was making out my report,

I realized that I'd neglected to get your full name.

My full name? Mm-hmm.

Well, my full name is

William Michael Francis Aloysius O'Casey.

Oh.

Did you know that the literal translation of "William"

is "resolute, strong"? It is?

You know, "William" seems to suit you

much better than "Bub."

It does?

Mm.

May I?

May you what?

Call you William?

Of course.

Good.

Has, um, has everybody left the house?

All but one.

One?

Yes. Tramp.

Tramp?

He's our dog.

Oh.

Jeepers, Mike, how come you don't drive us home every day?

Listen, by the time I get all my stuff off the campus,

to your schools... Hey, you going someplace, Bub?

I'm going downstairs if you mugs would get out of my way.

I'll get it.

I'll get it. And tuck your shirt in.

No sense running around your own home looking like slobs.

Beat it.

Boy, how classy can you look?

Yeah.

Well, things could be worse.

Tim Weede's grandfather's studying trombone.

Beat it.

Wow. You two guys are about a half hour early.

Well, you didn't tell us today's pinochle game

was going to be formal.

And my patent leather pumps are being half-soled.

Can't a guy clean himself up a little bit

without you two clowns making a big deal out of it?

Come in, come in.

You'd better let us do the heavy work.

I wouldn't want you to soil that jacket.

Be like adding one spot to a leopard.

Now, don't deal till I come back.

Here they are. Your two tickets to a little bit of Ireland.

Oh, thank you.

I, uh, I wondered if Steve was around anywhere.

I thought maybe I might be able

to talk him into the two I have left.

Oh, I'm sorry, but Steve's at the office.

Oh.

Well, in that case, William,

I'll just hold on to these.

William?

Oh, hello, Mike. How are you?

Uh, late. I got to go. Excuse me.

That's a very interesting tie you've got on.

Oh, do you like it?

Uh, Weber and Fields gave me that.

The nearest he ever got to Weber and Fields

was when they were playing Philadelphia,

and he was in Scranton.

Well, you know, I seem to have the impression

that you're the best cook this side of Ireland.

And the other side, too.

Why?

Well, you see, I planned to give a dinner

for this group of Dublin Dancers

the night they opened here and, uh...

Well, they're so very Irish.

I hoped you'd show me

some of your authentic Irish recipes.

Sure. Sure, I will.

You know what I'll do?

I'll show you how to make an Irish stew

that will have everything in it but a leprechaun.

Oh, William, that's wonderful.

Oh, thanks ever so much.

Oh, would tomorrow afternoon be all right?

Tomorrow afternoon's fine.

Good. Uh, about 2:00?

2:00. Bye.

See you then.

Yes. Bye.

Where's Max?

He'll be right back.

I just asked a simple question.

Where's Max?

He went down to the corner for some cigars, William.

Well, how come I didn't see him leave?

Well, he went out the back way.

He didn't want to embarrass you

in case you were smooching or something.

"O mischief,

thou are swift to enter in the thoughts of desperate men!"

Doesn't Steve even stay home on Saturdays?

I mean, I still have these two tickets, and he is on my list.

Well, you'd better get him off your list.

The only chance he would have

of seeing that show is if they put it on down at his office.

Now I'll add some of this diced lamb.

Looks good, too.

Mm-hmm.

Gosh, imagine me planning a dinner for the Dublin Dancers.

I've got such stage fright,

I can't even think of an Irish tune.

Well, when you're making Irish stew,

you only got one choice.

But Irish tunes...

Well, you got your pick of a million.

Well, that's just the trouble.

♪ Over in Kilarney ♪

♪ Many years ago ♪

♪ My mother sang a song to me ♪

♪ In voice so sweet and low. ♪

Ah... Remember that one?

That's a beauty.

Now we'll put the lid on

and let it simmer a little.

♪ 'Twas just a pretty Irish ditty ♪

♪ In her quaint, old-fashioned way ♪

♪ And I'd give the world if she were here ♪

♪ To sing that song today ♪

♪ Ba da la ba ba bum ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra li ♪

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ Children, it's ♪

♪ "Hush, now don't you cry..." ♪

Jeepers. What's the matter with your grandfather?

Oh, he sounds like that when he's happy.

Boy, I'd sure hate to hear him when he's sore.

♪ Too ra loo ra loo ra ♪

♪ That's an Irish lullaby. ♪

Hey.

Hmm...

"Well-known character actor, 82,

"honeymooning in Acapulco

with his bride of 33."

Hi, Bub.

What you reading?

The, uh, market report.

What would I be reading?

Say, don't you guys ever pick up the junk

around here on the floor? Hold this. Here.

Hey, where's Tramp?

Miss MacLish took him out for a walk.

I thought I saw him out there.

Why?

Nobody ever takes Tramp for a walk.

He knows the neighborhood better than we do.

Now, don't be asking me all these silly questions

and help me pick up this junk.

There.

Bub? Yeah?

In the last couple of days,

I-I've noticed there's been something on your mind.

Well, never mind all that psychology jazz.

I feel fine.

Well, I'm sure you do, but, uh...

If you ever want to talk about anything,

you know where to find me.

I mean, sometimes it helps to communicate.

Just communicate yourself upstairs, Charlie.

Ah, 82 years old, huh?

Well, I-I must be a kid compared to that old dude.

Hey, Bub!

Yeah?

That's probably Miss MacLish.

Get it, will you, Chip?

How come she's always hanging around here?

Don't ask me a lot of questions.

Get it, will you?

Okay. What did I tell you?

You want me to stay here with you, Mr. 'O Casey?

No, I don't, Sudsy.

You go with him.

It was only the dry-cleaning man.

Oh?

What's that goofy smell?

Well, that's some stew I'm cooking.

How come the stew smells like shaving junk?

Lately, this whole kitchen smells like a drugstore.

Don't ask a lot of funny questions around him.

Get out, you two, before I chop your ears off.

Come on. Hike.

Have a good time out there.

Hi! Hi!

The door was locked.

Yeah.

Ah, he's a good boy.

Did he behave himself?

Uh-huh. Here's his leash.

Yeah. Thanks.

You know, we're gonna have a... a new guinea pig for our Irish Stew;

Steve's finally coming home to dinner.

Oh, good!

Well, I-I mean, it's good you did the cooking.

I got it!

Hello?

Dinner's almost ready. Can't you stay?

I'd love to. Good.

Okay, bye, Dad. That was Dad, Bub.

He's stuck at the office again.

Bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, bill.

"Stews Your Irish Mother Used To Make."

"The Kitchen Trail To Tipperary."

Bub! Bub?!

He isn't home, Dad.

Oh, hi, Mike. Where is he?

He's driving Miss MacLish home.

Oh.

Bub doesn't drive.

Well, Miss MacLish is driving him.

He's gonna take a cab back.

Well, doesn't that strike you as being

a rather impractical arrangement?

Yeah, sort of. We were gonna ask him about those books.

He didn't get them. Robbie did. Robbie did?

Yeah, well, he has some kind of a weird idea that...

It is not weird. Oh, hi, Rob.

Hi, Dad. I was gonna explain all about that to you, Dad.

Okay, explain it.

Well, Bub's changed.

Bub's changed?

Well, I saw him this morning.

He looked just the same to me.

It's in the afternoon that it begins, Dad.

That's when he gets into those

kooky ties and then starts soaking himself in perfume.

Dad, he's even got a mirror in the cookie jar.

A mirror in the cookie jar?

That's right, Dad.

Boy, that... that Miss MacLish comes

over almost every day now.

She does?

She really turns him on.

Well, she's getting him to teach her

how to make all those Irish dishes.

That's funny. She's not Irish, she's Scottish.

Well, anyway, Dad, I figured that maybe

if we found her some of those real authentic recipes

from Ireland, well, maybe she'd leave Bub alone.

I told him that wouldn't work.

Now just a minute, fellas.

Bub is entitled to have his own friends, you know.

Oh, sure, but this is a little ridiculous.

Now wait a minute.

We mustn't take Bub for granted.

As I said, he's entitled to his own friends,

his own interests and...

Well, he can certainly spend his time

any way he wants to.

And if he wants to spend it with Miss MacLish,

that's up to him.

Yeah, but, gee, Dad...

Robbie, I appreciate what you're trying to do,

but butting into other people's lives

is the most thankless thing anyone can do, so...

Dad, suppose he decides he wants to go steady

with her or something.

Robbie, don't be ridiculous.

He's your grandfather, and she's...

Well, he certainly has more sense than that.

Here we are.

Thank you, sir. Welcome.

Are you sure I can't call a cab for you?

No, no. I'll pick one up on the way.

You know, walking keeps a fellow fit.

Well, thanks again.

You know, Pam, I've been thinking that...

Yes, William?

Well, with this shindig coming up, and, uh...

I'm kind of stuck with these two tickets,

and I know you'll be going yourself, so...

why can't we just go together?

Well, I don't see why we can't at all.

We will, provided you will come and go

to my dinner party with me.

After all, you should be there to take some bows.

Well, I don't want to take any bows.

You know what I mean.

After the party, we could,

you know, go someplace

and hear some music and maybe...

have a couple of dances together

and, uh... sort of make a night of it, huh?

May I tell you something?

You are the dearest person I know.

Night.

Do plates while Rob's getting the silver.

Yeah.

Forks and towels... Oh!

Oh, fellas...

Aw, Dad, why can't we just eat out?

Now, look, everything doesn't have to fall apart

just because Bub isn't going to be here for dinner one night.

Now let's be calm. Pick up the silver.

Somebody get a towel.

We'll wipe it all off.

Well, what are you all gaping at?

Uh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Jeepers, how come all of a sudden, Bub has got...?

That must be Pamela.

Now don't wait up for me.

I may be late.

Very late.

Hey, Dad, how come Bub...?

Never mind, Chip.

Now what are you looking at?

Big bale of hay.

Well, hello, young fella.

Would you mind calling your grandfather to the door?

Pinochle bums.

I'll get it.

Who are those two men I just...?

William, why, you look just wonderful.

Yeah?

That suit and the vest and the tie; wonderful.

You really like 'em?

Mm, very much.

How about that pin?

Perfect.

Well, some people have a knack

of cleaning up pretty good, you know.

People do.

Shall we go?

All set. All right.

Oh, uh, you know, tomorrow, if you have a minute,

it might not be a bad idea to get your hair trimmed.

All right, if you say so.

Now shall we go?

Fine.

Sure.

He can't be in love with me.

Well, Pam, I didn't think so either

until I saw that toupee, and then I knew.

That's why I asked you to meet me here.

Oh, Steve... oh, I'm so sorry, I...

Well, of course, I'm very fond of Bub as who wouldn't be?

I mean, he's just about the dearest person I know, but,

well, I didn't expect anything like this.

Oh, my, I'm sure you didn't.

But, uh, something has to be done about it, Pam.

Yes... I know.

Steve, couldn't I just go on being his friend?

Well, I guess you could as long as Bub understands

that it's friendship on your part and nothing more.

Well, couldn't you t...?

No.

No, that wouldn't be right.

I've got to be the one who tells him.

Is he still sitting there?

Yep.

Boy, how can anybody just sit in the same spot

for two whole days and stare at nothing?

They say sometimes a shock will bring

people out of these emotional retrogressions.

Yeah, well, we've been doing all the cooking.

That ought to be a big enough shock.

We got to find something

to make him care again.

Hey, you suppose we've been pampering him too much?

I mean, maybe we shouldn't bring him his slippers

and do the dishes and set the table.

Those are all his jobs.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, maybe supper.

Oh, hi, Chip.

Has he moved yet?

No.

Is he still sitting there?

Yeah, he's got a terrible emotional possession.

Harold Roebuck said if you sit in one spot too long,

you'll turn into a rock.

Yeah, well, you tell Harold Roebuck

we'll let him know if that happens.

Chip, can you put those away?

Okay.

Is he watching television or something?

Uh-uh.

Heck, he hasn't even started turning

into a rock yet.

Hi, boys.

Hi, Bub. You feeling better?

I feel fine, fine.

Come on, Sudsy, let's go.

We'll come back and stare at him some other time.

Chip and Tramp busted your dishes!

I wasn't anywhere near them!

Are those our good dishes?!

Are they?!

How come you're using

good dishes in the first place?!

I was standing clear over here.

Mike said it'd be okay.

What's Mike got to do with it?!

You know what these dishes cost?!

Well, what are a few dishes, Bub?

"Well, what are a few dishes, Bub?"

And I beat my brains out, going downtown

looking for a sale to buy these things!

Your Dad works hard all week

to get enough money in his pocket to pay for them!

Now clean this place up!

All of you do something around here!

What are you laughing at?

Nothing, Bub, nothing.

"Nothing, Bub, nothing."

I want this place cleaned up in five minutes,

or you don't get any dessert!

Get out of the way, Tramp.

Boy, what a noisy grandfather.

Oh, hi, fellas.

Dad, Dad, he's hollering again.

He is?

Yep! He sounded like he wanted to smack somebody. No?

Yeah, and I'm not even in the family.

Boy, it was neat, Dad.

He's hollering again?

Yeah! Just like the old times.

That's fine. That's fine.

Well, what are you-all standing around here

for like a bunch of ninnies?!

Pick up those broken dishes!

Steve, you're the father.

Can't you get them to clean this place up?!

Yes. Well, let's do it! Get them, come on.