Original subtitles

Jesus, Fergal.

I'm glad to see you haven't lost that ferocious duck hook.

(LAUGHS) Provisional ball, you're not going to get that.

Were you aiming for the house there?

That scabby fucker's never going to let that one go.

That's an eight euro golf ball.

Look, we're breaking and entering now.

VINCENT IN VOICE-OVER: Would he have helped me if he knew I was a priest?

Would he then have called the cops,

or would he have used that club in his hand

to push me deeper underwater?

Nobody has much use for a priest these days,

dead or alive.

I found it.

I can take a swing from here.

Watch out.

That's actually a good recovery.

I'm not going to lie.

But I do have one last rite to perform.

I'm the dead body,

and these stories always begin with one of those.

They're such comfort in repetition,

isn't there? It's a bit like mass.

Please don't assume I'm some pervert

just because I'm dead and I'm wearing the collar.

I know we haven't covered ourselves in glory

over the last little while, but respectfully, nor have you.

You people make solemn promises all the time.

My job is to hear how you broke those sacred vows

and then to help you find peace.

Well, now that my era of giving a tuppenny fuck

what people think is well and truly over, here's the gospel.

One week before,

I arrived in Tenerife to officiate at the wedding

of an old friend's daughter.

# DRONING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

LATIN POP MUSIC PLAYS ON THE RADIO

You want some air conditioning?

No, let us save the planet.

A little mortification of the flesh is good for me.

Are you here for a wedding?

Yes, I'm officiating at the wedding.

I'm a priest, a Catholic priest from Ireland.

Ahh.

DISTANT DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Excuse me, excuse me.

This can't be mine.

My host assured me of a small room here for the week.

This is yours. This is the address.

Wear sunscreen, Father!

MUSIC CONTINUES, DISTANT CHATTER

...so it's in some way organised.

Can't just jump in and out of the pool,

and then get a drink and jump in and out of again.

Someone's going to absolutely blunder themselves.

MUSIC GROWS LOUDER

Aaron, Aaron, shut up. Seriously.

Hey, someone dial a priest.

Hello.

Father Vincent O'Keefe, how do you do?

Hola, Padre.

Have you lost your way?

I don't know.

By all accounts, I'm staying here.

Are you a friend of Sandra and Jerry's, yeah?

Yes.

It seems a bit tapped in the skull they have you subjected

to sharing with us, but they're calling the shots, you know.

Hey, ho.

Que...sadilla, sadilla.

Come on, we'll find you a manger.

Now, Rory.

Cormac, Ava, Clare, the Huns. Weather.

Sofas.

Chair.

Kitchen.

Almonds.

Hallway.

Let's call a spade a spade.

And, boom.

Look, real talk, Padre.

I'm sorry, I just have to say it.

Just get it out of the way now.

I'm delighted you're here, but this lot, it's like...

This is their holiday.

They've all taken annual leave to be here.

They're my best mates in the whole entire world,

and I don't think they'll be happy to curtail their behaviour

just because they're sharing with a priest.

It seems mental to think that.

That's fine to say, isn't it?

Best in the long run vibes.

Just a couple of lads being straight with each other, you know?

A man of the cloth to one lack thereof.

Cool. Quesies?

Zero quesies. Fuego.

Wi-Fi password is Tenereef4lyf.

Capital T, number 4.

Life is L-Y-F.

All lower case, all one word.

And you're flying. Good man.

Actually, it's Tenerife spelt wrong, so it's R-E-E-F.

He looks a bit like death.

Why does look like that?

I don't know if he looks like death.

He looks a bit more like God.

LAUGHTER

I think, either way, it's a bit fucking weird having

a priest wandering around their living room

in the middle of the night.

He's just a person, a human person.

Maybe they're trying to stop us from going mad.

No, chance of that stop that.

No, without a doubt, he was an absolute lastminute.com.

All the hotels were booked out.

Yeah, but I mean, they do have priests in Spain.

Apparently, Sandra was like, We need this one guy for the big day.

Ah now. No, look, I've had a little word, and he knows to be cool.

Otherwise, he'll be fucked out on his ear.

Muy rápido, mucho pronto.

And you'll be doing that, will you?

Hi, Father.

(PUT-ON ENGLISH ACCENT) I got a text!

Oh, it's Mia.

No drugs are to be taken at our wedding,

and we'd really appreciate

it if you would refrain from drinking alcohol the day before,

so you could be fully present to appreciate the day.

RAUCOUS LAUGHTER

Nobody wants to be a parent in 2025.

You might as well call me Heil Hitler.

I'm changing my name when I go boarding school next year.

You can't stop me. Dad said it's okay.

Your dad will literally say anything to avoid an argument.

You're so fucking controlling.

I'm trying to do what's best for you,

and even though you clearly hate me,

you need to be at home. UGH!

I don't think boarding school is...

SEAGULLS CAW

CHURCH BELL TOLLS

TRUCK BEEPS

SPANISH POP MUSIC PLAYS.

(PANTING) Hola.

Hola, buenas.

CHATTER

Hiya.

Ava.

Oh, Vincent.

Bride or groom?

Eh... both, or neither.

I'm the priest.

We'll all be on the bride side of the aisle.

The last two are arriving tomorrow.

And I'm singing a little song for a happy couple.

(CHUCKLES) What are you singing?

Let's see if you can guess.

# Close your eyes,

# give me your hand, darling.

(VINCENT JOINS) # Do you feel my heart beating?

(QUIETLY) Wow.

Those good memories?

Memories anyway.

Yes, I always liked that one.

GLASS SMASHES IN DISTANCE

(IN DISTANCE) Shit.

How are you going to get back with all that water?

Oh, walking. Don't mind the walk.

We can give you a lift, I'm sure.

Oh, thank you. Walking is good.

Let's go. Now.

Now. Can we squeeze one more in?

No, no, no, no, thank you.

Are you mad?

CAR DOOR SHUTS

ENGINE STARTS

TYRES SCREECH

Come inside and pay.

Oh, I already paid. I have my receipt.

Your friends didn't pay.

Well, they're not my friends.

I saw you talking.

Where do they live?

How much is it?

148 euros.

English people.

Father, bless us.

(IN DISTANCE) Father?

Father?

Father?

Hiya, Father.

Jerry Byrne wants to buy you lunch.

What time is it?

I feel like it's three.

# FOREBODING MUSIC #

I hope you#re wearing sunscreen, Father.

No, I don't. Well, I don't...

People are getting offended about the maddest things.

You can't say anything at all.

You could be offended by a Choc Ice.

Look at who it is.

Ah! Oh!

Good siesta? You've got the...

LAUGHTER

You've got the thing in the...

LAUGHTER CONTINUES

Vincent, this is Caroline.

Hello, Father. So nice to meet you.

This is her husband, Fergal.

Padre.

VINCENT: Lovely to meet you.

Do you know what?

I think the kitchen might be closed.

They'll whip the Holy Man up a platter of croquettes.

No, no.

Hang on, hang on.

Croquetas?

Yeah, potatoes fritas here?

We won't see you go hungry, Father.

Eh... have some wine.

Ah, no, no. I'm fine. Thank you.

Have a glass of white. Go on.

FERGAL: It's the summer time. VINCENT: No, no, no, no, no.

Thank you so much. That's not the Vincent I remember.

The pre-ordained Vincent was a fucking wild man.

FERGAL LAUGHS HARSHLY

He was... BLEHHH!

Ha?

The road to Damascus.

LAUGHTER

would you get the poor Father some water?

He's parched. Ha?

Would you rather a Shandy?

No, tap water. Tap water is fine. Thank you.

So listen, it's just great you could join us for the wedding.

You know, it's been a long, long time.

Well, your offer to the Church heating fund

back home was extremely generous.

I informed the parish the coffers would be swollen by my trip here,

and they were very pleased.

I didn't think we'd have to bribe you.

Well, not a bribe, per se.

Not a bribe/

Just to dig out.

St. Teresa's is fucking Baltic in the depths of winter.

How would you know?

You haven't darkened the door of a church in I feel like decades.

Alan's funeral.

Ah yeah, right.

I include your brother in my prayers often.

It was a great funeral, even though I felt like fucking Wim Hof.

Now, listen, it'd be great if you could swing by the church

and meet the padre before the big day.

You know, talk to him.

Do we need an organist?

Do we need parking?

Can we throw rice or is it problematic for local pigeons?

His name's Sandoval.

He's expecting you.

He's a harmonious poor divil, isn't he? Ha?

He's very nice. Yeah.

Grand. Well, I'll drop by tomorrow.

Was hoping to get mass anyway. There you go.

Also, I was wondering, eh,

when and where it might be best for me

to meet the bride and groom.

I don't have their numbers yet.

Why?

Well, I'd like to talk to them.

About their commitment.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, no, listen, they're very busy.

The bride, sadly, has had to fly over her dress fitter

for an emergency refit because she's been sucking ice cubes

for the guts of a month and doesn't remotely resemble the woman

who bought the dress half a year ago.

Not a pick on her stomach.

Meanwhile, the groom is up the walls

with his family who are,

frankly, fucking batshit.

He's trying to sell his company,

and he's got to organise the golf tournament,

do a stag with his buddies, do a rehearsal dinner,

and try to find a minute to relax and have a beer or two. Hello!

Have they no plans to meet me before I officiate?

Well, that's why...

we're meeting.

It's lovely to see you both again after all this time,

but I'd really like to get an idea of who they are

so I could write a sermon that fits somewhat.

I don't think a sermon is a good idea.

They're not religious.

The thing should be more bing-bang-bosh.

No frills. The Ryanair of masses.

IMPERSONATES TUNE THAT PLAYS ON RYANAIR FLIGHTS UPON LANDING

We love Michael O'Leary.

I wouldn't say love.

I respect the man greatly, yes.

VINCENT: I'm struggling to understand

why they want a priest in the first place.

They want a Catholic wedding.

Why?

That's what people do, isn't it?

I wouldn't have said so, not these days.

FERGAL: If they're going to have children

and they want those children to have the best education,

we all know that the best educational establishments in Ireland

are owned by the church.

They're kind of getting their ducks in a row on that front.

Rightly so.

I don't see why my grandchildren should be sacrificial lambs

on the altar of some unknown educational establishment.

They're future proofing, you know?

Could they not have asked a local priest from here like this Father...?

Sandoval?

Well, no, that part was us.

Because we wanted you.

Vincent, we wanted you

on this occasion.

Yes, we did.

We wanted an old friend.

And a friend of the family.

Oh, sorry.

Aw.

Really lovely.

And you get a warm church back in Dublin

for the forthcoming winters, you know, by the sounds of it.

And some sun on your bones.

You promise me you'll get some sun, you look cadaverous.

Really bad.

Now, you must be hungry, Father.

Oh, you are in for a treat. FERGAL: Loves of those croquetas.

They're delicious. Wine.

VINCENT: No, no, no, no, no.

No thank you. No, no, no. Thank you so much. Just water, please.

Did you notice the roundabout on your drive in here?

The triangular roundabout.

Here in Spain, they make triangular roundabouts.

I mean, the Spanish are fucking morons.

You can't say things like that.

Anyway, Caroline was just saying

that we should get the golf club

to commission a sculpture for it.

It's such a great idea.

Super.

My son, Fintan, was learning sculpture in rehab,

so I might get him to do it.

Something to keep him occupied.

The devil has made a lot of work for those idle fucking hands.

Excuse my French.

Although, Although a female Irish artist

would be so great in this day and age.

My wife has the soul of an artist.

Then your wife parked that part of her life

in order to raise your children,

and none of us would be here if she hadn't.

Mm.

FERGAL LAUGHS

DOOR OPENS

Vincent? Yes.

Um...

Would you have a minute to talk to me about something...

else? Em...

maybe tomorrow? Is everything okay?

Oh, God, yeah, everything's grand. I just...

I could do with your counsel.

A confidential ear.

Um... would you like a formal confession?

I'm sure that can be conducted in a church.

Oh, nothing like that.

No, no, no.

I was thinking something more along the lines of a chat.

I'll text you, but...

tomorrow morning, sometime? Mm-hmm.

Em...

(WHISPERS) Bring your vow of silence with you.

# DRONING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

SANDOVAL SPEAKS SPANISH

Oh, hello.

I'm Father Vincent O'Keefe from Ireland.

I'm officiating at the Byrne Wedding this weekend.

I'm an old family friend of the Byrnes.

They want me to come and say hello

and also to offer to make a donation to the Church's upkeep,

although I must say it's looking very beautiful.

Mm. Thank you.

The women clean the relics.

Children from school sweep the floors.

Nuns polish the brass.

I keep it safe.

We are a devoted community.

But we never see the Byrnes here.

As we see the Irish falling out of bars,

lying on the beach,

worshipping the sun,

pink like ham.

And now they want to rent this place like it is a night club.

It's the same in Ireland, I'm afraid.

And what do you do,

to discourage that attitude?

Well, I pray.

Hmm. Mm. You pray?

Well what else can be done?

We have termites.

In the church, termites?

And how much does it cost to get rid of termites?

2,000 euros.

2,000 euros...

The closest church is 40 miles away.

You can call him.

My phone doesn't allow for overseas telephone calls,

so I... I...

Here.

Sorry, now.

Okay.

CHUCKLES

Hm.

LINE RINGS

SIGHS

Hello?

Jerry, it's Vincent.

I'm with the local priest, Father Sandoval,

and he thinks a fee of 2,000 euro would be suitable

for the use of the church this weekend.

(CHUCKLES) Great.

You can tell that raisin-headed cunt

exactly where to go with his 2,000 fucking blips.

Jerry, I have the priest here with me,

and the church has termites,

and it's a very, very beautiful church,

and they're really struggling with the termite problem.

JERRY EXHALES SHARPLY

The nearest alternative church is 40 miles away.

And it looks like a supermarket.

A grand.

1,800.

1,100.

1,800.

1,700.

He says a fee of 1,700 is extremely generous.

He's absolutely beaming at that.

Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to go. Yeah.

I have to go, Vincent. Okay, yeah.

Massage booked. Okay, talk to you.

Alright, Jerry. Thanks so much.

Bye.

Did you ever think you'd end up being of so little use to everyone?

You did okay.

I was looking at the bigger picture.

CHUCKLES

Oh, a gift from Ireland.

To protect you from fire and hunger.

Although sadly not termites.

And who will protect you from those lunatics at the resort?

# CALM ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

DISTANT CHATTER

Hello, welcome back.

Come on.

You made it home safely?

Yes, you did too,

which was more in doubt, perhaps.

Yes, about that.

There was some confusion at the shop.

Something was smashed. Security thought it was us.

By all accounts, it wasn't.

The lads swear blind.

Actually,

who can say what the truth is?

I suppose we'll be using a different shop from now on.

Yes, seems prudent.

I saw the guard come out to you after we drove off.

Did he give you a hard time?

Eh... no, not a hard time,

but he did make me pay your bill.

We didn't pay?

No.

(SIGHS) That's not cool, Rory...

You ran off at the market without paying?

I'll get my wallet.

I was going to go back and pay tomorrow, Ava.

Cheers for that.

Ratting me out.

I can't afford a hundred odd euro.

I can't have my parishioners pay.

I'm sure they suffer enough.

Have I done something to upset you?

Yeah, actually.

I know all about priests.

Had a lot of them roaming the halls of my school.

I'm sorry for your bad experience.

Of course you are.

Your heart's broken, isn't it?

You lads love feeling bad, don't you?

Your faith breaks you down,

so you think you're nothing.

So you become obsessed with getting clean.

It keeps your noses in the dirt,

but it's not good enough, Father.

Feeling bad as a dopamine hit,

and you're just a junky

chasing high.

Here we are.

I already paid him, Ava.

Just now.

Yes, he did.

Have a lovely evening.

Oh, you too, Father.

CORK POPS

(AVA CHEERS) Okay!

That's going to feel good.

Here you are.

(CHUCKLES) Amazing.

PULSATING DANCE MUSIC IN DISTANCE, CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

Ugh.

CHATTER CONTINUES

BREATHES HEAVILY

# OMINOUS MUSIC #

# The Bangles - "Eternal Flame" # PLAYS FROM MOBILE PHONE

# Close your eyes

# Give me your hand, darling

# Do you feel my heart beating?

Hola! Los citos?

¡Buenos días!

Ahhh! My wedding wife!

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

AARON: Your man at the end of the garden's a priest.

Don't ask.

Hey daddy. What's that?

# OMINOUS MUSIC #

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER

DISTANT SCREAMING

Are you okay?

She was just bitten by a Portuguese man of war or whatever.

This giant fucking jellier Okay, I'll find the life, girl.

Okay, I'll find the lifeguard.

There isn't time! But what do you mean?

She's going to be okay. What about anaphylactic shock?

She already has asthma.

I don't think that means anything in this context.

I can't pee on her.

I actually just went like 10 minute ago.

Can you? What?

It's the cure. I saw it on an episode of Friends.

No, I will not do that.

Just wait here.

Sí, a jellyfish sting.

Una medusa.

Sí.

You're Karen Byrne.

How do you know?

I'm Father Vincent O'Keefe.

I'm officiating at your sister Niamh's wedding.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

SEAGULLS CAW

Actually, Father,

I was wondering what makes a person good.

Well, that's a big question for a young girl on holiday.

Yeah, but like, you can give someone money and things.

But if you're also just a two-face liar, then aren't you bad?

Well,

we, eh...

We contain...

we contain multitudes.

People themselves aren't good or bad, Karen.

People are people, and they do good and bad things.

Stalin wasn't bad?

Well, there's a scale.

It just feels like the world is full of people

who don't care about other people's feelings.

I know the world can seem that way, Karen,

but the good in people, it's there.

You sure about that?

Yes.

I promise.

You weren't followed, were you?

Seriously?

No, not seriously.

LAUGHS

Moola, for the padre, for the rent of his hall.

I wasn't expecting to have to haggle with the priest.

No, you did good. I'd have paid double.

You would? Yeah.

That's the real world, Father. You know?

Muck and bullets, flying everywhere.

Although I am being financially gang-banged this week.

Don't know who's doing what to me.

I know. I know.

Six ways from Sunday.

So what did you want to discuss?

Oh, yeah.

Right. So this is...

It's delicate.

My youngest daughter, Karen.

She's 14 years old.

There's a French girl, an exchange,

with her at all times.

Elodie.

Yeah, you'll meet them.

So, Karen,

found something on my phone.

Something incompatible with my being a married man.

Yeah? Okay.

And she's given me an ultimatum.

Like I said, a very, very pious young woman.

What ultimatum?

Okay, I have until the wedding to tell Sandra about this...

thing,

or Karen will.

Out of loyalty to her mother.

And this thing, this thing on your phone,

this thing that's incompatible with you being a married man.

Do we need to go into details? We do not.

Good, because I would rather not...

eh...

...do that.

Would you like to pray?

Well, you seem to be struggling with feelings of shame,

and sometimes it can help to ask for help with that.

Um, right.

Uh, yeah.

Like, here?

Yes, here.

Okay.

I mean, can't harm anything, can it?

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy spirit.

Amen.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation deliver us from evil.

Amen.

SIGHS

Yeah.

This thing on your phone...

Ah no, we said we'd leave that, Father.

You are entitled to an interior life, you know?

Yeah. And to privacy.

Yeah.

As long as no law of the land has been broken.

Like, I haven't done anything.

Desire is ever present in all species.

Desire un-acted upon is common enough.

Yes. Your vow to your wife is of faith.

Well, that's me.

You know? Faithful.

So do nothing

and I'm grand.

I think that's okay.

Brilliant.

That is...

Phew!

Aw, cheers, Vin.

CHUCKLES

Alright, I better head back to the club.

She'll think I'm dead or I'll get her hopes up.

I think I'll stay and take in some of the sea air.

Alright.

You know what?

I used to pray more often.

Hasta luego, Father.

FOOTSTEPS RECEDE

# DRONING MUSIC #

SEAGULLS CAW

WAVES CRASHING

What...

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

Thanks for calling me.

My phone doesn't allow for overseas calls.

You'll see the withdrawal from the local Canarian bank,

and I'll endeavour to pay it back for my stipend.

It's a stupid, stupid...

Hello?

Hello?

CHURCH BELLS TOLL

Cuerpo de Cristo.

Body of Christ. Amen.

Cuerpo de Cristo.

Cuerpo de Cristo. Amén.

KNOCKING

Adelante.

Father?

Jerry Byrne's contribution towards your problem with the termites.

Please, say my thanks to Mr. Byrne. I will.

Did you enjoy Mass?

The full house?

Ears cupped,

heads bowed?

I have my mission.

I may never know it in this life,

but I shall be told it in the next.

Or your money back.

(QUIETLY) Yes.

Father.

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

Father.

Isn't it?

Care to sit down and have a drink with a housemate?

I lost a sum of money earlier at the pier.

You were there.

A sum of money?

It's giving, 'Cé leis é, is liomsa é.'

I didn't see your money, Father.

Come on, sit down.

I'm buying.

Come on, I just got here.

Everyone else is asleep, I'm all on my lonesome.

Are you a beer guy?

Or maybe more of the blood of Christ.

I'll have a tea.

A tea, says he.

Okay.

Hola. Uno cup of tea, por favor.

Gracias.

Do you not drink?

Uh, no.

Did you ever?

Yes.

Mm-hmm.

You saw me down at the pier earlier.

Engaged in a bit of nefarious beeswax.

I didn't see anything.

Yeesh.

Well, just so you know, it's just something recreational.

Something for the house for the week.

Nothing for you to worry about.

And definitely not for you to talk about.

But I think you're probably way ahead of me on that, aren't you?

You have a strange impression of me, from where I don't know.

Well, you're an authority figure, Father.

Oh, you think?

When was the last time you consulted a priest

about anything important in your life?

Actually, just last year, one of my best girlfriends,

she had an abortion.

Sorry.

And I did pray about that.

It was wild. With a member of the church?

Direct line.

I hope it helped.

Oh, it did.

Yeah, the praying, it's class.

Who are you praying to?

Yeah, I don't know.

I think I might have been having a breakdown, to be honest.

Do you believe in God?

I believe in something.

Have you ever heard of ayahuasca?

The drug?

Not a dru...

Ayahuasca is like the gateway to spiritual revelations, Father.

I tried it last year, Sayulita.

Mexico.

I saw God, Father.

Yeah.

Aren't you lucky?

Yeah, maybe.

He was a horse.

Yes, of course. I see.

Does that tally with your own findings now, the horse?

I'm a God who is everywhere and not in one place only.

Yeah, so like a talking horse, is that cool with you?

Enjoy your holiday. Are you off already?

I am. Come on, sit down, drink your tea.

I hope I didn't piss you off.

You don't seem serious to me.

What?

Sure why would you be on holiday?

Do you not believe me about all that Ayahuasca?

I didn't mean to offend you, okay?

I'm just...

a little bit bored, okay?

I'm actually a bit stoned.

If I'm honest, I'm like, they're all asleep.

I've just... I've no one to talk to, so...

Sit with your thoughts.

Unless, of course, you're worried about what you might find.

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

Smug prick.

So, yeah, after five minutes on the plane, baby gets sick on Glen.

LAUGHTER

Great minds.

Oh actually, I don't drink.

I was going to add this to your collection.

Well come and join us?

It's been a long day.

Well, you're one of the gang now, Father.

Okay.

Cheers.

Gang, Father Vincent is going to join us.

Hi. Hi.

Say hi. Say hi to everyone.

So we've got Orla, Clare, Glen, Margot, Aaron, Sinéad,

Susie, Rory, and Cormac.

Hello.

You just missed the bride and groom, Father.

Oh, they were here?

They were.

Went for dinner in town.

Oh...

SNORTS

STIFLED LAUGHTER

Glen: So, Father,

how do you know the family?

I went to school with Jerry Byrne back in the olden days.

You were in school with Mr. Byrne?

Don't believe it.

What was he like?

Oh, he was a scamp.

Of course he was. He still is. So hot.

SHIVERS

LAUGHTER

Have you ever had an apparition, Father?

I felt the presence of God at points in my journey, yes.

How does it feel?

It feels like love.

That must be so nice to know that you're not alone,

to feel that something's there.

It's probably a matter of being open to it.

I'm just not up for that, though.

You're not up for it or not able for it?

Oh...

Well, that's the life of an artist.

Having an open mind. You're a DJ, an artist.

Can't you keep an open mind?

I've done ayahuasca, bro.

You did a drug. Yay.

What's your point, Cormac?

My point is it can be more profound to look into the void

than take a drug that paints

over the void with distracting shapes and colours.

AARON: Glen, Glen.

OVERLAPPING PROTESTATIONS

CORMAC: Glen, I'm sorry. Just have another drink.

(SIGHS) Cormac.

Far greater percentage of people have faith

at the end of their lives.

I know my dad did.

Yes, we go to God when we need him.

Hm. Insurance?

Well, it's beguiling to hear that it all meant something in the end,

even if you suspect it might be a lie.

I'm sure you've made your mark, Father.

Thank you.

AARON: We should absolutely do a seance.

ALL GASP

No, this is where I leave you.

Is this seance bad?

Sorry, is this seance bad?

Is it bad?

I think I'll take a walk.

Goodnight, all.

Goodnight, Father. Goodnight. Sorry, Father.

Goodnight, Father. Night, Father.

He's so cute.

PLANE FLIES OVERHEAD

Cheeky fag.

Nothing like it to make you feel young.

Can you believe nobody knows I smoke?

Karen would murder me. (CHUCKLES)

What you make of all this manicured green? Ha?

I think of thirsty children in Africa.

Of course you do.

Of course you do.

Is there a reason I'm here, Sandra?

It's your job, no?

Well, you could have asked any old priest from your parish

in Dublin.

Okay.

Okay.

Fine.

Do you remember that big night,

back when we were all students, you, me, and Jerry?

It was more than one big night, Sandra.

We were camping in Lahinch, ring a bell?

We'd taken magic mushrooms,

ones that we'd picked and dried back in Dublin,

up in the hills in Rathfarnham.

No, I wasn't there.

You weren't there when we picked them, no,

but you were there in Lahinch

when we brewed them up and drank them.

We were laughing and like hyenas for a while, and...

...Jerry and I had a fight about God knows what,

and off he went somewhere.

And I came and found you.

And we were left alone.

In the dunes by the tents.

We found some more wine at the bottom of Jerry's sleeping bag.

You knew he'd stashed it there.

Yeah, it was a trick from school.

Trick from school, yeah.

Yeah.

You were talking about giving up your study and getting a job.

Do you remember? You were having a...

crisis of faith and doubts about your vocation.

SIGHS

We drank wine from the neck of the bottle.

There on the dunes,

the cork pushed down into it by the...

..butt head of the camping fork.

Then whiskey got somehow.

Yeah, it was mine. Yours.

Yours.

Yeah.

And we were, we were looking up at the stars.

And then we were kissing.

I... I... I feel such remorse about that.

Did I propel you into the priesthood that night, Vincent?

Were you that disgusted by what we did?

I betrayed my friend.

I betrayed Jerry's friendship.

That was a source of shame to me. It still is.

Well, one thing that did happen is, by God, you found your faith again.

And...

six weeks...

Yeah, six weeks after that night,

Jerry and I got engaged.

Do the math, as they say.

What?

Niamh.

Jesus Christ.

Oh...

Yeah.

About two years later you were ordained,

and I think that was because of me.

Because of us.

You weren't called, Vincent, you ran into the priesthood.

Ugh!

VOMITS

WRETCHES

COUGHS, SIGHS

Does Jerry know?

No one knows.

Not even Niamh?

No.

Feels cruel you'd tell me like this.

I think it's a kindness.

Because you should be here to witness this,

but you aren't a close enough friend of the family

for me to have invited you without raising some suspicion with Jerry.

And this way, you get to be here.

My God, you should have told me!

And what? What? What would you have done?

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

Oh, would you have sent me to England?

Or would I have made you leave the seminary,

you just having reconnected with your God,

you were never becoming a dad, Father.

Don't kid yourself.

What do I do now?

Nothing.

You just need to know

that you're her father now

so that you can be consciously present during the ceremony.

What if people find out?

How could they?

I'm telling you in your capacity as a priest,

you have to know how to keep a secret.

I don't know what to say.

Say nothing.

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC CONTINUES #

Okay,

One last thing.

I don't want to feel your judgement this week because quite honestly,

Father Vincent, my era of giving a tuppenny fuck

about what people think of me is now over.

# #

Fancy a skinny dip, Father?

Girls and boys, something for everyone.

Go fuck yourself.

(ECHOING) Do the math.

You're her Father.

No one knows.

Say nothing.

What would you have done?

You ran to the priesthood.

Nothing.

GASPS, WRETCHES

PANTS

GROWLS

(ECHOING) It's a kindness.

LAUGHS

BREATHES HEAVILY

You were never becoming a dad, Father.

Don't kid yourself.

CHEERING

My God, you should have told me!

SHRIEKING

OVERLAPPING SHOUTING

LAUGHTER

# PULSATING ELECTRONIC MUSIC #

Subtitling RTÉ 2026.