Original subtitles

That's it. You're doing fine.

Keep pushing.

You can do it, honey. Breathe.

Breathe.

Hey! That's me!

When I was a baby, of course.

Hi! My name's Edison.

That's my dad! Notice the resemblance?

And there's my mom.

My friends all say I have a hyperactive imagination.

But I swear, as far back as I can remember,

I've always wanted to become an inventor.

Some kids want to be doctors when they grow up.

Others want to be lawyers or pro baseball players.

Not me.

Being an inventor is just something I was born to do.

It's a boy!

♪ Talkin' 'bout good time

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time

♪ We're gonna go total, we got nowhere to go ♪

♪ Someone dropped our plane inside a movie show ♪

♪ And with my friends having fun ♪

♪ Talkin' 'bout good time

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good time

♪ Good, good time, talkin' 'bout good time ♪

♪ Good time

♪ Talkin' 'bout good time

Oh, my Edison.

You were incredible last night.

Oh, you animal.

Stop it.

My whole body is still tingling, Edison.

I want you.

Not this morning, girls. I need my sleep.

I want you.

Why did I ever build you?!

Oh, Edison.

Good morning and welcome to your new day.

You have 10 seconds to get out of bed. 10...

To sleep.

9... 8...

7... Going to sleep.

Going to sleep. 6... 5...

4... 3...

2... 1...

Have a nice trip. Cocka-doodle-doo!

Lift off!

Aah!

I'm up.

Mission control, it's a beautiful day

out here in space.

Roger, 10-4, copy 1-8.

Mission control, things are looking good up here.

Everything's smooth and dandy!

Roger. Copy. We got 10 seconds till we open the pod bay doors.

Negative, commander. We have an alien in your vicinity.

Whoop. Whoop. Whoop. Houston, we got a problem!

This hideous space beast just devoured 6 of my men!

Uhnnnn!

Now, this is your bathroom, and this is your shower.

Aah! It's the alien!

Ohh!

Mrs. Krubavitch, please, what's going on?

Maybe we should come back later.

Oh, now, don't you worry.

I'll have this place fumigated and sterilized

as soon as the mutant is gone.

Aah-aah-aaaa!

This, my dears, this is the kitchen.

It looked better when it was a crack house.

But all the appliances are included.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, the dining room.

Come to the dining room.

Wait till you see the beautiful dining room.

Ho ho! Dude! That's gnarly,

how you shot through that tube.

Yeah. Reminds me of the time I aced that Tsunami

off the coast of Guam when I was in kindergarten.

It'll be perfectly beautiful when we burn all this junk.

What's up?

Hey, what's going on?

This is the living room. Couldn't you just...

Mrs. Krubavitch! What is going on?

You're being evicted.

That's what, turd breath.

Evicted? Why?

Why? Because you scum-sucking, saltwater-clogged,

lard ass, deadbeats, slackaholic freeloaders

can't afford this place.

You can't even afford clothes.

Nice duck.

Cover yourself, man.

On 3.3.

Thank you.

You morons owe me 3 months' back rent.

Wait!

3 months! That's totally impossible.

It's been Edison's turn to pay the rent. There.

Tell me you did not spend the rent money

on another one of your gadgets.

Ohhh!

Guys, I'm sorry! But, guys, look, I'm telling you

this is the sure-fire winner.

It's the pet rock for the nineties.

That's what you said about

the anatomically-correct Fanny pack.

Look at that man. That's nasty.

No, it's not.

It's perfect for nude beaches.

Oh, and let's not forget the glo-gunk,

for night surfing. Oh, yeah.

That cost us about, what, 2 months' rent?

Remember the night we all dipped her, huh?

Let's not forget

the handy-dandy ketchup helper.

Over 11 sold!

And your grandmother bought 10 of 'em.

Thought you guys liked them.

We love 'em...

But the rest of the world doesn't.

We got boxes of your get-rich-quick schemes

out in the garage gathering major dust.

No more Ms. Sunshine for you three.

I want my money now!

I'll take care of cujo.

Mrs. Krubavitch, look, we go back a long time, right?

We have that warm, personal relationship.

Can I call you mom?

Yecch.

We love you.

That love crap doesn't work with me.

Ok. I'm gonna level with you, all right?

We're kind of going through a negative cash flow situation,

all right? Kind of a personal recession.

But, hey! How about this,

a lifetime supply of these?

My favorite invention.

A slurpy cup with a heater on it. Watch.

This way, no brain freeze. Brilliant, huh?

If I don't have my money by the end of the month,

I'll have your skanky, dingleberry-ridden asses

tossed out of here.

You got that?!

Yes, sir.

You ok?

That was intense.

Yeah. She sure knows a lot of adjectives.

Trust me, guys.

I've got everything under control.

It took me months and months,

but I finally got that meeting

at the gadget city company.

They're gonna go nuts for my ideas.

What do you think of this one?

It's a blow dryer for bald guys.

I call it the "Jimmy buff-it."

Next!

What? Did you say something?

Next!

Ok. Hold on. I got more. Hold on to this.

Check it out. It's a baseball bat for baseball players.

You see, this way they can grab their nuts

and still concentrate on hitting the ball.

Next.

Don't worry. One more.

No. I meant next...

As in get... Out!

I still got plenty more stuff.

Have I shown the slightest bit

of interest in any one of your ideas?

No, but I thought you were just playing hard to get.

Look, let me explain something to you.

I'm afraid you are not gadget city material.

You see, we cater to the family man,

the business traveler,

the normal earth-dwelling human being.

Now, frankly, your inventions...

Yeah...

Suck!

Ok, one more, ok? And then I promise I'll go.

Look, now, I've saved the best for last.

Don't feel like wearing all that sloppy bug spray?

Just wear one of these. The bug zapper hat.

Now no more pesky insects ruining your family picnic.

And, look, it even works with killer bees.

Fly! Be free!

Try not to be scared. They can sense fear.

Do we have a deal?

According to my calculations, with Ty's $102.37

and my $50

and your 25 cents,

that makes a grand total of...

$318.03.

Wait a minute. Let me see that.

Take a look.

Oh, man!

Where'd it go?

Zak.

Drastic times calls for drastic measures.

I have searched my infinite wisdom

of worldly knowledge,

and it told me you need to get a... A job!

Like a job job?

Good job. Once again, please.

I'm not cut out for these entry level positions.

Mmm, perfect.

Don't pull!

What do you think you're doing?

Just testing the product, sir.

The new French tickler is a real winner.

Hi, daddy.

You're fired!

Next.

That's me.

Wish me luck, girls.

I'm sorry, but I'm next.

No. I was standing right here, which means it's my turn.

Is not! Is so.

Is so! Is not!

Hasn't anyone ever told you

it's not polite to disrespect your elders?

Why, you little...

Get him, girls.

Yaah!

You're gonna pay! Both you little... Aah!

Oww! No, Annies, no!

Mine's not a wig! Oww!

God! That's gonna show.

Next actress, please.

♪ Tomorrow

no... no...

No...

Look at all these jobs.

Watch where you're driving!

I've got cruise control.

Steady as she goes, captain.

"Phone sex operator."

Hey hey hey hey!

Hmm, then I'll be talking to myself.

Need a hand?

Ah, she's gone temperamental on me.

2 greatest mysteries in life: Car repair and women.

And cheez whiz. 4 years of chemistry,

and I still don't have a clue what's in it.

Nice car, man.

At least it's a nice day for a breakdown.

Mind if I have a look?

Go ahead.

Oh, that's definitely not it.

Doesn't look good, does it?

How old is this windshield wiper fluid?

You should change that.

Ah, I see the problem. I'll get my tools.

Ohh!

That'll hurt in the morning.

This shouldn't take long.

But in the meantime, take a load off.

Hey, look at this, will ya?

Oh, goddamn pills.

Doctor's got me taking so many,

I rattle when I walk.

I've got just the thing to wash them down with.

Hey, that's ingenious.

Ta-da!

Ahh, mmm.

Hey, not bad.

Good stuff, huh?

You got this thing rigged up with all the amenities.

You should see the alarm in this baby.

It's a real kicker.

Hey, listen, thanks for everything.

I'm Armand McMillan.

Edison. I'll get my tools.

Come out. Come out. Here we go.

Come on out, little buddy.

Up! Up! You little...

What the... don't need that.

Or that.

Look at all this wasted metal.

You sure I can't give you a hand?

No. Got everything under control.

Ohh! Aaah!

Get it off me!

Ohh...

Whoo!

Ho ho ho. There.

You sure you're ok?

I think my nuts have finally dropped back into place.

Did find the problem though.

Broken fan belt.

Nothing a couple of bucks can't fix.

Edison, you are a true gentleman.

No problem. Can I drive you to a phone?

No, but I'd appreciate a ride to the beach.

I think I still have time

to shred a few waves before sunset.

You surf?!

Ha ha! It's stylin', bud!

Shred the tube, Armand. Yeah!

Armand, look, no hands.

Edison! Watch out for the rock!

Ohhh!

Don't worry. I got an emergency brake.

Aaaaah!

Oh! That had to hurt.

Armand, you were radical out there today.

Ha ha. Thanks.

I've had a few centuries of practice, remember?

Yeah, right.

Whoo!

Hey, what's that?

Oh, just some of my whacked out invention ideas.

Invention? May I see it?

Sure.

Yeah, look at these, will you?

You got a good head on your shoulders.

Weird hair, but a good head.

Thanks. Ever since I was a kid,

I always thought it would be radical

if I could create something

everyone on the planet would need.

You know, like the can opener

or the toothbrush or edible underwear.

Yeah...

Unfortunately, everybody thinks my ideas suck.

Maybe the world just needs to catch up with your ideas.

Yeah. Give or take a few thousand years.

Hey, now, this one.

Now, that has a great potential.

You're holding it upside-down.

It's upside-down.

Doesn't matter.

Well...

I've been working on that one forever.

Doubt I'll ever crack it.

You will. Don't be so hard on yourself.

You just got to hang in there.

It's good work.

Thanks, Armand.

No one's ever believed in my stuff before.

Ah, they will.

One day you'll come up

with your own version

of the light bulb.

Cool.

Kid, you remind me of myself

when I was your age.

Man, you look like road kill. What happened?

I got fired!

Again?

What'd you do this time, Einstein?

Nothing!

All right, I accidentally knocked over a soda.

That's it?

It was a case of soda.

So?

All right, a soda machine.

That's not the point.

The boss started chewing me out in front of everybody.

There's only so much I'm willing to take.

So I pecked him!

Things got pretty ugly after that.

He threw a punch. I threw a wing.

Soon there was legs and breasts everywhere.

It wasn't pretty.

Telegram!

What else could go wrong?

Telegram.

How you doing?

Which one of you is Edison?

That'd be big bird.

Moi.

Oh, thanks, man.

Right.

Unhh!

Don't scramble it all in one place.

Have a good one, buddy.

Cool! Ed McMahon sent me something, probably.

No...

What's up?

No...

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here to pay our respects

to the memory of a great man,

a great man struck down in the prime of his life...

By an illness he fought so long.

That man is Armand maybank McMillan...

Mmm.

Humanitarian and friend to all.

What made Armand McMillan great...

As he trekked down the corridors of life?

Bradford?

What?

Hey...

I'm so sorry about your uncle.

I'm going to miss him, too.

I don't think I can be alone tonight.

Oh, Bradford.

Armand would have wanted us to comfort each other.

Bradford!

You are unbelievable!

In a good way?

He could listen to the birds...

I love a woman in mourning.

I'm late. I'm late. I'm late.

I'm a tad underdressed.

When I first met Armand...

I was seeking funding for a church...

To build an orphanage.

And when he heard our plan, he said...

Bradford, darling.

You have my condolences.

Kosik, what a surprise.

The body's still warm,

and you're already salivating.

Can't I even pay my last respects?

You and your team of vultures

don't circle overhead unless you want something.

Now, now, don't get your knickers in a twist.

I'm here to Bury the hatchet.

I think it's a pity

that McMillan Industries and Globe Co.

Have never gotten along.

Well, being the target of a hostile takeover

has never been high on our priority list.

Well, maybe that's because in the past,

the offering price hasn't been quite high enough.

Oh, I think I can make it worth your while.

Go on.

Ok, big guy, let me borrow your tie, ok.

Blink twice if you mind.

Ok. Great.

4 years in the boy scouts,

I've never seen a knot like this.

Don't make me get rough with you.

The color of this tie

makes your face look all washed out.

Come on! Give it to me!

Give... it... to... me!

We all have our different ways of saying good-bye.

Play your cards right, schnookums,

and you stand to walk away with a cool 30 million.

30 million!

Of course, this is all predicated

on your uncle actually leaving you his stock.

Listen, I'm his only living relative,

and he didn't have cats.

It's a done deal.

Bingo!

I love a woman...

Not in mourning.

It is my fondest hope that Armand McMillan's memory

will be forever kept alive by this eternal flame.

Hey! Sorry I'm late!

It's ok...

the eternal flame!

I got everything under control! It's ok!

Oh, my lord!

Come on! I got it!

Houston, we got a problem!

Of all the days to...

Ah-choo!

Mm, cookies?

No. It's Armand's ashes.

Oh. Ooh, heavy, man.

Hey, Armand.

I have to say you've looked better.

Sorry I couldn't make the good-bye barbecue.

You want to say something?

Ah-choo!

Oh!

Let's begin then.

Shall we?

It's about time.

As you know...

Your turn.

You've all been named as beneficiaries

in Armand McMillan's will.

Hello, everyone!

Hey, it's Armand.

Well, if you're watching this right now,

I've probably kicked the bucket.

Therefore, I, Armand McMillan, being of sound body and mind,

do hereby bequeath the following:

To Hilda and Henry,

my faithful Butler and housekeeper,

I leave them my house and all its contents,

including my collection of vintage 1950 hubcaps.

My sincere thanks for a...

Majorly generous, huh?

And to my nephew...

That's me.

Bradford McMillan...

Give it to me. Open the floodgates.

Who has worked tirelessly, day in, day out...

Managing my company,

it gives me great pleasure

in leaving him my most treasured possession:

My surfboard.

What?

Wow! Congratulations, dude! That's a great board.

Enjoy it, Bradford.

And remember, look to the board for all the answers.

A surfboard? That's it?

As for the rest of my estate, I leave my entire stockholdings,

45% of McMillan Industries,

to my new friend, Edison.

Why me? I just met him once.

Ok. You fooled me.

Now, what did I really get?

McMillan Industries was founded on dreams...

And it needs to stay in the hands of a dreamer.

That's why Edison is right for the job.

Another job.

Hey, dude, you want to swap?

Uh, ok.

Hold on a moment.

Armand's will clearly stipulates who gets what.

This is an abomination.

You're telling me my uncle, my only family,

left me a piece of wood

and gave the bulk of his estate,

$23 million in stock...

To that?

23 million?

$23 million!

That's a lot of snapples!

Whoo-hoo! Thank you, sir. I always loved the law.

Sorry you didn't get anything.

Thanks, Armand!

Good luck, Edison.

And I know you're gonna do a fine job.

Ok, girls! Take it away!

I'm off to surf that big wave in the sky!

Ah... heh heh heh...

Baby, who's a new car?

Who's a new car?

Good morning, Mr. McMillan.

Nice car.

Oh, that was close.

Touch it again, your minimum-wage ass

gets sold into white slavery.

Good morning.

Whoo! Right up front! Ha ha!

Alarm on, Edison.

No. Messengers can't park here.

But I'm filling in for Armand.

I'm Edison.

You're Edison?

I'm so, so sorry.

Where you going, buddy? Hey, wait.

To turn in my hat and badge and stick

and file for unemployment.

Why? I'm not gonna fire you.

You're not?

No!

Well, thank you, sir. Bless you.

Welcome to your new home.

This is all mine?

The whole thing?

You mean, the fountain and the trees and the...

Parking lot and the...

Yes, sir.

Yaa-ha ha! Whoo!

I got it! I got it!

I got it!

I don't got it.

I'm in trouble.

Uh-oh.

Please. Please.

Think he'll notice?

Look!

Ha ha haaaa!

Look at this place!

Ok. "You are here." Ha ha!

Boardroom, boardroom, boardroom.

Boardroom.

Could you hold the door, please?

Thanks.

What floor's the boardroom on, please?

Thank you.

Can't believe she let one rip.

Our first ride up as a group.

Oh, come on! Own up to it!

♪ Light up my life

ohh...

Why do songs have to be so sad?

♪ La la la la la ♪

why?!

Ever since Armand retired,

the stock's been in a slow nosedive.

Now, with Armand dead...

It's all over for us.

Oh, now what?

This must be the boardroom.

You guys look pretty bored.

Coffee, black! 2 sugars!

Give me a nice and gray one.

Another coffee with a bear claw.

Bowl of cereal!

Good choice.

O.j.

Bring me coffee.

What the hell was that?!

All right, here's your coffee.

Cup of decaf with a banana. Wake up!

Little... Fruit plate.

We have a croissant.

That's fun to say... croissant.

And, in our best China, double Espresso.

You're a madman!

And but not least...

We have...

Yup. Iced mocha.

You're the new trainee?

Actually, I inherited the company.

He's Edison?

In the freckled flesh.

Have a seat, Edison. Can we get you anything?

Our most humble apologies.

We had no idea.

Oh, it's cool.

Most people mistake me for fabio.

But, hey, we're gonna be working together, right?

What about now we do the old male-bonding thing?

What do you say?

Correct me if I'm wrong, darling,

but I thought you said this inheritance

was a sure thing.

I know.

I should've had my uncle committed years ago,

but I was up all night with my lawyers.

We turned the will inside out.

And?

The old fox stipulated

that if the value of the stock

ever drops below $20 a share,

Edison loses everything, and I get it all.

I do not have time to wait

for the stock to drop 30 points!

He's meeting with the board of directors right now.

They'll never let him run the company,

and I'll have no trouble convincing him to sell.

Bet you a dollar those old tigers

have driven him to his knees even as we speak.

Right foot yellow.

All right, which one of you took my wallet?

Left foot blue.

Hey, my back pain's gone.

I like your spunk, kid.

Reminds me of Armand.

It's really nice of you to give me a tour, Bradford.

McMillan is a diversified company.

We make everything from note stickies

to the thigh dominator.

Under my management, production has doubled.

Fatalities have tripled, but there you are.

Boy, this is great.

Hey, shouldn't I be wearing a helmet, too?

No, not if you want to experience

manufacturing firsthand.

Oh, that's why I'm here.

Heads! How's that?

Oh!

Bradford, you ok?

What hit you?

I'm all right...

Shh. Let's get you up.

Someone yelled "heads," and i... get off me!

What? I'm just trying to help.

Do you mind?

I just need a minute to be alone.

Thank you.

I'll just be over here if you need me.

That's fine.

He needs a helmet, and I get hit with a wrench!

Bradford, if you have a moment,

Mr. Granger needs to speak with you.

Well, here I am.

Note stickies! Here they are!

Ha ha ha ha! Love these things.

Make 'em faster!

The men and women in this plant

cannot keep on working under these conditions.

Ever since you took over for your uncle,

you been sticking it to us.

We have to fill out 50 forms

just to requisition toilet paper.

Here's an idea. Try using the forms.

Cool!

This is no way to set an example for the workers.

Oh, sure. Great place for signs.

And then you shortened our lunch time,

and you took away our sick days.

What the hell is going on here?

It's true, Bradford.

Production quotas are way too high.

You cannot sacrifice working conditions

for the sake of productivity.

"Boo-hoo-hoo!

"We want better working conditions.

We want whole rooms for people to hug."

Morning. Morning.

Oh, stop.

Oh, jeez, I'm in trouble.

All you care about is the almighty dollar, huh?

How happy you think the shareholders will be

when production stops?

What are you saying?

I'm saying if nothing happens

before the end of this week to change this thing around,

you'll have a strike on your hands.

Strike. You can't strike.

Wait a minute.

Strikes have always set things in motion.

It might not be a bad idea.

That's right. You can't strike

'cause you haven't got the guts.

In fact, I dare you to strike!

What are you doing? A strike is exactly

what we're trying to avoid here.

I'm definitely not having

a very good day.

I told you it was a waste of time

talking to this knucklehead.

I wanna talk to the chairman...

the new chairman!

Aah! I'm being attacked!

You get off!

Sorry.

Hey, I remember you from the funeral.

Remember me? Eternal flame? Hey!

Friends and colleagues,

allow me the pleasure of introducing Edison,

our new chairman.

Yeah, right.

Oh, yes.

Oh, god.

I... i am so sorry, sir.

I had no idea.

Hey, I didn't even know it till this morning.

This is our vice president

in charge of production,

Natalie Stockwell.

Pleasure.

And, of course, our plant foreman,

Harland Granger.

Harland, you make

a mighty fine product, sir.

Well, my work is done here.

Coffee? Tea? Glue remover?

Glue remover? You guys make that, too?

Wait, Bradford.

Well, next, we come to... Edison?

"Remember to avoid glue."

Where we going now?

Research and development.

Wow! Look at all this cool stuff!

This was Armand's pride and joy.

Actually, these are just a few

of the inventions he came up with.

He invented glass? I've seen this everywhere!

Yes. It's a big seller for us.

Odorless fertilizer? Come on.

Kitty, kitty, kitty!

Smokeless cigarettes?

Armand was a genius!

He was dedicated to making the world

a more beautiful place.

He sure was.

Let's not dawdle.

Wait a minute. Don't tell me.

This must be R&D, right?

♪ Dun da da dun da da dahh! ♪

This is R&D?

But R&D looks D.O.A.

Precisely.

This is Larry, the head of R&D.

Actually, he's all of R&D.

Larry!

Hello.

Nice to meet you.

Whatcha working on, sheets?

Oh. Well, it's a new pocket protector...

Protector.

Uh... there's no money for anything else.

They've cut our budgets to almost nothing.

Ahem!

Only to increase productivity,

right, Larry?

No, no, no. Guys, wait a minute.

We have to have R&D. As the new chairman,

I've giving your old budget back!

In fact, i'm doubling it.

I can do that, can't I?

Yes, but it will involve

transferring significant funds...

Of course. Of course you can.

After all, you're the boss.

You heard that, Larry, huh?

Now, get cooking, buddy.

I wanna see some fresh ideas around here.

You betcha, boss!

All right.

The juices are flowing!

The thinking cap is on!

We're back in business!

An aggressive

and savvy initiative, sir.

This chairman thing's a piece of cake.

Kosik, you worry too much.

Be more like me, but not physically.

I'm telling you,

this is the dumbest kid I've ever seen,

even for Americans.

Look, every single decision he makes

will drive this stock down

like a bad limbo dancer.

I better be right?

Partner, it's inconceivable

that anything could possibly go wrong.

Aaaaaaaaah!

Call you later.

Uh, look, man, did they at least

pay you at your big new job?

Not exactly. I don't get paid for 2 weeks.

2 weeks? That'd be like a record for you.

That's cutting it real close

with Ms. Crusty Bitch, man.

Promise me

you will not screw this up, eddo.

I'm not gonna screw up.

Have a little confidence once in a while.

Burgers anyone?

Was I lying, or what?

Good grief, man.

This is like the Taj Mahal of office buildings.

Come on, dude.

What'd you really have to do to Armand

to get this place?

Nothing like what you had to do

to Ms. Krubavitch

last time to cover the rent.

How'd you know about that?

I dreamt that happened.

Hate to tell you this, dingleberry boy,

but you didn't dream it.

That's right, man. God bless you,

you took one for the home team on that one.

Sure.

I think i'm gonna be sick.

Oh!

Oh, me and my buddy Bradford's car.

Who's Bradford?

The guy who owns the car!

I didn't know. It ain't that bad, man.

I can fix this.

Ok. "Color on cap indicates color in can."

Well, let's see what's in this one.

Oop! Orange. That won't work.

See what's in this one.

Not good.

We need green.

Yellow and blue make green.

Perfect.

Ok.

I think you covered it up pretty good.

We need one of these in our house.

Dude, get out of the fountain.

You can take a shower at home.

Morning, morning, Bradford. Edison.

Plumbing out at home?

Listen, I kinda got some good news,

and I got some bad news.

Why am I not surprised? Go ahead.

I kind of accidentally dinged your car.

You what? My new Jaguar?!

W-W-Wait, wait, wait! Please. Everything's fine.

I touched it up myself, better than before.

Look.

Stylish.

Yo, yo. Cool out, man. Cool out.

Does this mean you don't like it?

Man, that's a good paint job.

No. I love it.

It's all of my favorite colors.

Wait till you see the inside.

Have a dandy day, Bradford.

Let's go, guys.

Nice meeting you there, Bradley.

Hey, baby, you know the fax number

to the white house?

We got a little message for 'em.

Hey, thanks for your help.

Press it again!

Keep your booty still this time.

Right. Should we invest $8 million

in a new laser die-cast system?

I'll have to check with my advisor on that.

Hold on one second.

Signs point to yes. It is decidedly so.

Ok. Bye-bye.

How's it going?

Fine. Settling into

the busy executive life, I see.

Only been here a few days,

and I'm starting to get the hang of it.

Hey, you guys, oh. This is Natalie.

She works here, too, doing something.

That's Ty, and that's Zak.

No fair. You're using the enlarger.

Man, that's genetic.

So, what brings you here, huh?

Heard the beat, and you couldn't resist.

Let's get freaky!

Whoa, whoa. I'm sorry.

I got it. I got it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

These are my analysis reports

of the workers' grievances...

what it would cost us to give in

versus the cost of striking.

You might wanna look these over

before today's meeting.

Oh, I love meetings. Can I come, too?

You lead the meeting.

I knew that. Yeah.

Now I really have to go.

No, no. What's the rush?

Come on, smell the pizza!

No, no, because, you see,

some of us actually have to work.

Ouch. No reason to be hostile to the rest of us.

You know, maybe we didn't get off on the right foot.

Look, we're all mature adults here, right?

Zak, down!

Look, there's nothing we can't solve

by sitting down and talking over dinner, right?

Then a little miniature golf,

followed by some yoo-hoo nightcaps back at your place,

an old-fashioned sleepover,

breakfast burritos in the A.M.

What do you say, 8:00?

Aww. Hell has a better chance of freezing over.

Wait!

Best 2 out of 3?

In business news, shares of McMillan stock

started trading at $55 today, but have now slipped to $49

and continue to fall.

This due to news of a possible strike at the company.

Wonder who could've let that leak.

Guilty as charged, your honor! Heh heh.

A strike? Why?

Why? Because your little memo

cutting our salaries

when we wanted a raise was the last straw.

Even Bradford wouldn't have stooped so low.

I cut salaries? When did this happen?

You were the one who wanted

the research and development budget doubled.

The money had to come from someplace unimportant.

What about our grievances?

Have you even bothered to take a look at those?

What grievances?

These grievances.

Oh, my god! You work 8 hours a day?

No wonder you're striking.

Are you gonna make

some changes around here or not?

Ignore them. Show them who's boss.

He loves the nickname "chubby."

You've got till 3:00 tomorrow afternoon.

Consider us on strike after that.

You got that?

Why's everyone looking at me?

I just work here.

You are responsible for the jobs

of over 2,000 people.

It would be nice if you at least acted

like you had a clue.

How can people demand this many things?

If Armand were here, he'd know what to do.

Edison, it's time for your massage.

No, girls, no! I'm working!

No, stop it!

Haven't you had enough?

That's perfect.

Where's the fire?

I don't smell any smoke.

Give it time.

Is this a great day or what?

Hey, what about the budget cuts?

Yeah! Yeah!

And how about the rest of our demands?

Yeah! Yeah!

After giving them careful consideration,

I've decided I cannot give you all a raise right now.

I'm sorry, but I can give you something better, huh?

A stake in the company, which means

every time McMillan does well,

each and every one of you guys profit, too.

Look, I know working here lately's been a big bummer,

so as brand-new chairman of the board,

I am now making every Wednesday afternoon

luau Wednesday!

So put on your sunscreen! We're going to the beach!

Looking good, Landers!

I've never moshed before.

It is totally exhilarating!

Hey, Mr. Bradford, can I get my ball back?

Oh, he's really a great guy, isn't he?

Well, either that or certifiably insane.

Everybody! Let's do it!

Gentlemen, feast your eyes.

I heard IBM is gonna have a polka Tuesday,

and 3m is doing a fiesta Friday.

I heard you're old.

I'd like to get you in a mosh pit.

Thanks to you, Edison,

productivity is up 17%,

and our shares are now up to $75.

To Edison.

To Edison! To Edison!

Cheers.

Come in!

Hi.

Hey. How you doing?

I just wanted to congratulate you

on stopping the strike.

Luau Wednesday was a really great idea.

No biggie. Just doing my job.

Yeah.

Well, I'll see you around.

Yeah. Ok.

Bye.

Bye.

See, Armand? She doesn't think I suck.

Uh-oh. Need a bigger mug.

Well, Kosik, what a surprise.

Well, well. Do you want to tell me

what in hell is going on?

The stock is at an all-time high.

The little jerk

is having some beginner's luck.

Well, change the little jerk's luck to bad.

Do whatever you have to, Bradford.

You have until the end of the month,

and then I am taking my money...

amongst other things... elsewhere.

Understand?

Now get busy!

Ok, pal, that does it.

Edison, where are your secrets?

Food from Woodstock.

What the hell is this?

Glo-gunk... Bug-zapper hat...

Edison's not the only one around here

with bright ideas.

Wow! What do you call it?

The P.O.S... Portable Outhouse Slacks.

It's for those long road trips

when you can't find a place to stop.

And it comes with a matching c.S.S.

What's that?

Car sickness shirt. Let me demonstrate.

Very impressive, Larry!

The c.S.S.?

No. The amount of vomit

you're able to produce at the drop of a hat.

Let me guess, pork chops?

Last night! I have a slow metabolism.

Edison, i... ...

I have a surprise for you.

A surprise? I love surprises.

Funniest thing.

I just got a craving for pork chops.

I thought coming here would give us a chance to bond.

Good idea.

It's still a jag.

Tennis, anyone?

You're wearing a skirt.

You must admit, I've got the legs to pull it off.

For a slender man, you do have...

get back in there and change!

You're no fun. Pffft!

Don't worry. Since it's your first time,

I'll go easy on you.

Don't be silly, Bradford. Come on.

I'm a pure, natural athlete.

Suit yourself, bozo.

What are you doing?

Ball's in this racquet, Bradford.

You're doing fine. Ha ha ha!

I got it!

Oh!

I got it! I got it!

Hate to take a point for that one,

but I will.

Not bad for a beginner.

So, how are things at the office,

Mr. Chairman of the board?

Great. Got 14 million

playing mortal kombat today.

That's very impressive. You know, Edison,

being the leader of a major corporation

is about more than playing video games

or settling a strike.

It's about taking chances.

What do you mean?

I saw your diary.

Ignore the part about the farm animals.

I was young. I was naive.

I was lonely... no!

Your idea diary.

Oh, oh, oh!

You're talking about this?

Your invention idea.

What about it?

The ketchup helper, glo-gunk, bug-zapper hat...

they're great!

You're kidding me.

This is why I really brought you here today.

The resources of the company are at your disposal.

You have an opportunity here

to make your Mark on the world

and achieve a little bit of immortality...

The way Armand did.

You really think so?

I know genius when I smell it,

and you're positively reeking.

Then there's all kinds of ideas

I've been working on. There's one here

I've been working on forever.

What do you think of this one?

You ok? Touching. Sorry.

Yes. Well, it's brilliant.

It's upside down.

Whatever.

I get a good vibe from it,

and that's what counts.

Edison, as your biggest fan,

I have only one thing to say to you:

Make your dreams come true.

You could be right.

I can do this.

Ha ha ha! All right, I'm gonna do it!

Uhh!

Eeugh.

Ooh.

Bradford! Ow! You ok?

We've all taken one there.

Gotta hurt!

I'll go get help! Don't move!

Here, watch my racquet.

Anybody work here! We need some help!

That's what I'm here for.

Oh...

You did say you needed help?

You're damn skippy.

Ha ha! I'm all yours! Teach me! Teach me!

Well, Edison, to master the game,

you have to get zen about it.

You have to feel the balls,

caress them instead of whacking them...

And think of your racquet

as an extension of yourself...

another muscle: Strong, hard, forceful,

a tool to penetrate your opponent's court.

Now, let's play.

Me likey tennis.

Mm. You wore me out.

I hope you'll let me give you

another lesson again soon.

Where do I sign up?

You're not a member?

Of course I'm a member.

Why else would I dress like this?

Me and my buddy Bradford... Bradford!

Something funny?!

Share it! I love to laugh!

Everyone copy something!

Larry!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

Over here, Edison.

There you are.

You're just in time.

I'm testing out my new prototype.

Now men can experience

the joys of motherhood, too.

That's great, but I need your help.

On what?

This.

Ready, Edison?

Ready, Larry.

Now, look, if anyone

so much as comes near this car,

you have my permission to shoot to kill.

Edison!

Ohh...

Hey, guys. Here are the production reports from...

Man, you guys look fried.

We tried everything. We can't figure out

how to get this thing to work.

Just... well, hold on.

You're holding it upside down.

Oh.

This is never gonna work.

Look, maybe you guys

just need to take a break...

Clear your heads so new ideas can come out.

You know, maybe you're right.

That's a great idea. Wanna grab some lunch?

Oh. Oh, no, I can't.

I've got work that's piling up...

look into my eyes, Natalie.

All you're thinking about right now

is having lunch with me, Edison,

your new buddy, your new pal.

Is it working? No.

Look back into my eyes, Natalie.

What if I stop talking like this?

Will you go to lunch with me, please?

All right. I know just the place.

You'll feel like you're back to nature.

I like this.

I told you this place is great.

Would you like some more extra-crispy, little lady?

Oh, no, thank you.

Are you sure we're allowed to do this?

Oh, sure. As long as we play by the rules.

Freeze, freeze.

Ok, unfreeze.

Having fun?

I don't know how you get away with this stuff.

Simple. Hank the security guard over there's my bud.

I revived his social life after he went bald.

I call it chia hair.

Do you mean he actually gets dates looking like that?

Oh, yeah. When his head's in season,

no. Women go nuts.

Hey, Edison.

Who's your friend?

This is Natalie.

Hi.

Hi, Natalie. Enjoying the view

of the great plains?

Yes, yes, thank you.

How's the hair working out for ya?

Does that answer your question?

Miss?

My god. You're the man!

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, no. Please, don't worry about it.

I had 3 brothers. We'd have burping contests for hours.

You had burping contests?

Yes. Get out.

Yes!

I want to see this.

No! we're dressed like the village people.

You can't be embarrassed. Come on.

I dare you.

I double-dare you, come on.

Oh, um,

oh, man, I can't believe I'm doing this.

I might be a little rusty.

It's ok.

Wow.

Want something to drink?

Hello, Edison, how are you?

A, b, c, d, e, f, g,

h, I, j, k-k, l, ah,

l, m, n, o, p, q, r, s, t,

u-u, ahhhh...

U, v, w, x, y, z.

Oh, my god!

Hope that wasn't a mating call.

We're going to have a stampede on our hands.

Jeez.

Okay, no looking.

Oh, be careful.

We're almost there. Ok, ready?

Yes. No burping!

If you're really good,

we'll get ice cream later.

Ooh. Ta-da!

Look, low-flying plane. Get down!

Are we having fun?

Yes. i can't believe this.

Say, it's good to see you relaxing

for a change.

Well, it's hard to relax at the office.

Especially around men like Bradford.

Oh, come on. He's not such a bad guy.

I mean, he's a little uptight,

but I kind of like him.

He's been helping me.

Well, be careful.

If I were you I wouldn't trust him.

Hey, look, cornelis drebbel,

Mr. Submarine.

And there's Jethro tull.

Not the band, he invented the seed drill.

Not bad.

But can you tell me who he is?

Oh, that's easy.

That's Alexander Graham bell.

If it weren't for him,

we wouldn't have the psychic hotline.

That's amazing you know all this stuff.

Oh, well, hanging around Armand as long as I did

I couldn't help but rub off on me.

What about you?

Have you always been into inventions?

Me? Oh, yeah. As a kid

we always played this spy game.

Everybody always wanted to be James Bond.

You know, "the name's bond, James Bond.

I like my women shaken, not stirred."

No, I always wanted to be q,

the guy who made all the cool weapons.

Yeah.

That's always been my dream

that maybe one day I could make something

that would end up in this place.

Now I see why Armand left his company to you.

Really?

What's that?

Thanks a lot.

That is for making monsters!

No, actually it's to demonstrate static electricity.

Watch what happens when you put your hands on it.

Go ahead.

Look at your hair.

Look at your hair.

Mine hasn't changed, has it?

Oh, this is fun.

I'm glad we did this.

Me, too.

So...

Do you bring all the girls here?

No. You're the first.

Really?

Aw.

Aah! aah!

Edison?

Edison.

Are you all right?

Hold on, Natalie.

This could be it.

Ouch.

I got it! I've got it!

Whoo-hoo! I got it! You are my lucky charm.

I've got to get back to the lab.

I knew I forgot something. Come on!

Ladies and gentlemen, when I was yo high...

I got the idea

for making something everyone could use,

and today, it is a reality.

So, without further ado...

Ta-da!

The device that's going to rock the world!

A TV dinner? I hate to break the news,

but Swanson beat you to the punch by 40 years.

Guys, it's not just a TV dinner.

It's a real TV dinner.

Oh!

Here, check it out.

The hardest part was making a TV that could withstand

going from the freezer to being heated.

This dinner is self-heating and uses microwave technology

to cook the food and run the TV for 4 hours.

And here's the kicker.

It only costs $2.19 more than a regular TV dinner.

Ingenious.

And tasty, too.

Get him a bib.

I say we go into immediate production.

Whoa, Edison. I don't mean to burst your bubble,

but there are standard procedures to follow.

We have product testing and...

And focus groups. Safety regulations.

We can't just march right into production.

Well, you've done this a lot longer than I have, so...

hold on! Didn't you just tell us

that this is the greatest thing since

individually wrapped cheese slices?

I would never ever dare compare it

to individually wrapped cheese slices.

I mean, come on. We all know

there's nothing better or tastier than that.

Bradford, hello?

Scrump-dilly-icious, cheese slices.

Although, uh, I would say this is close.

Yes, but...

Natalie, please. Gentlemen,

months of costly testing will only tell us

what we already know. The product works. But,

of course, it's up to you, Mr. Chairman of the board.

I say we go into production! Now!

One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.

Hi, I'm chef Edison, and when I'm away from home,

I still like to catch some of my favorite TV shows.

That's why I always bring

one of my chef Edison TV dinners

wherever I go.

With flavors like beavis & broccoli,

NYPD blueberry pie,

and m.A.S.H.Ed potatoes,

there's no reason to be a couch potato at home.

Now, you can be one anywhere!

So, sit back on a moon rock,

and enjoy.

If you can catch it!

There they are! They're here!

One at a time.

Aah!

I needhey, I some more. Was first!

Today on lifestyles

of the rich and shameless...

We'll be jetting to the south of France

for a 5-star nosh with the stars...

Oh, doctor, what are you saying?

Monica, I have good news and bad news.

Your uncle will live...

Yes, yes?

Bill, come to bed.

Just as soon

as this Dukes of Hazzard re-run is over.

You're not breaking your diet are you?

No, honey. Here, destroy the evidence.

Hooray!

It's time for some champagne!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip, hooray!

It's like Christmas without the wrapping paper.

One year's rent,

paid... in full.

What do you say, Ms. K?

Any more problems, and you ball-less

surf lice are out of here. I'm warning you.

How does she hold that much smoke?

You're welcome!

Listen to me, my karmic buddy.

Look around. See all this nice new stuff?

Yeah.

You sure you can afford all this and the rent, right?

Guys, I get another check in 2 weeks.

And another one after that

and another one after that.

There's more of this where that came from.

I hope you're right.

John tesh's greatest elevator hits?

Dude, buying one of these is bad enough,

but why would anybody remotely sane

buy them by the box?

I wonder.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!

See, it's important to be

musically open-minded.

That's right. Tesh rocks.

You know, I couldn't decide between getting a bowling alley

or a limo. So...

I just got both.

I think he's gone overboard, man.

Chairman of the board, on the board.

Talk to me, babe.

Dagger in the eye...

Somebody get me a cheeseburger quick.

Voila! My latest prototype.

A shirt?

Uh, I have a feeling it's not just a shirt.

Right you are, Natalie.

It's a biothermal, electro-neurol sensitive,

mendacity meter.

Can someone translate for us?

It's a lie detector shirt,

or as we like to say, the bullshirt!

With Larry's ingenuity

and, of course, my flair for fashion,

it's guaranteed to be a sure-fire winner.

Go ahead, gang.

Ask Larry a few questions.

Larry, have you ever stolen office supplies

from the company?

No.

Hard to believe, but he's telling the truth.

Do those "reach out and touch someone" commercials

make you cry?

No.

Ha ha ha!

They run some emotional ones during the holidays.

Now, we haven't produced a single shirt yet,

and already we've gotten hundreds of orders,

just from word of mouth.

Hmm. It looks like Edison is doing a good job

of filling Armand's shoes.

Looks like you're doing a good job

of filling your pants.

Don't jerk me off, and meet me at the moon.

Looks like you've got yourself another winner on your hands.

Are you kidding me? That's nothing!

You think that was brilliant?

I got plenty more where that came from!

If that little Einstein guy was alive,

he'd be taking notes from moi!

Ride it, baby!

Well, it's her royal hemorrhoidiness.

You little good-for-nothing jerkweed!

Halitosis heads are out of here!

What's up? The rent's been paid.

Yeah.

Clown boy's check bounced!

I could have you pencil-necked lowlifes arrested for that.

I knew Edison was spending too much on this extravagance.

I was going to tell him that myself.

Ms. K...

I'm sure it was just a big mistake.

I know Edison could cut us another check.

Hey...

Is that a new housecoat?

Oh! I want my money!

By the end of today...

In cash,

or your scum-sucking weasels get the boot!

Uh...

She was a little bit upset, I think.

Uhh.

He said you need to make an appointment.

What?

We don't have time for that, ma'am.

Bogus! Since when is he too busy for his friends?

It's very important that we talk to him now.

He gave specific instructions not to be disturbed.

Lady, listen...

Look, man, forget him.

Let's go.

Do you even know who I am?

Chef Edison, famous inventor,

loved by millions... ring a bell?

Good. Now we're getting somewhere.

I don't care.

The ad says over 30 minutes and it's free.

And... it's been over 30 minutes.

How hard is it to find? It's a white limo!

Wait up! I'd better get a good tip!

Hey, come back!

It is so hard to get good service these days.

Edison, I think we need to talk.

I really think you're letting

the success go to your head.

Our first fight. How romantic.

I'm serious.

You can't talk to people like that...

Shh!

Of the popular chef Edison line of TV dinners

is also now the target

of a $500 million-dollar class action suit.

Joining us live in the studio this morning

is Mr. Anthony alosi.

Thank you, Mark.

With my very busy schedule,

I often have to catch my meals on the fly.

So I got used to eating the chef Edison TV dinners

10, 12, even 15 times a week.

But what McMillan Industries

failed to warn the consumers about

was that their little microwave-powered TV screen

emits 1,000 times more radiation

than a normal TV.

That's not true!

I invented that thing myself!

I used to work as a lobbyist

for the nuclear energy industry.

Well...

Who's gonna hire me now?

Huh?

Lights!

I'm a walking night light!

My career is over!

Thanks, Edison!

Holy jeepers!

It's dropped 18 points in the last hour!

It's free-falling!

What'll we do?!

Well, ask Edison.

He's the one who rushed the product into production.

Yes, but this whole accident was just a fluke!

The man was glowing like a Jack o' lantern.

How do you explain that?

I don't know,

but I promise you it's gonna blow over.

Your ignorance is no longer charming.

Don't you get it?

The public hasn't just lost confidence in the product.

They've lost confidence in McMillan Industries.

And this entire incident could have been avoided,

had the product been properly tested,

as Ms. Stockwell initially suggested.

Isn't that right, Natalie?

Yes, but...

and now, because of your irresponsible leadership,

the future of this company

and the jobs of thousands of working people

have been tragically jeopardized.

I think it's time to elect a new chairman,

someone competent,

someone sane.

Bradford, you can't do this!

Can't I? Perhaps you've conveniently overlooked the fact

that my uncle's will clearly stipulates

if the value of the stock drops below $20 a share,

you lose everything.

And it all gets turned over to... what was your word?

Moi.

And, unless I miss my guess,

moi is going to happen right about...

Now.

Oh! oh! Oh! oh!

Oh! oh! Oh! oh!

Darn the luck.

I guess that means i'm the new chairman of the board.

You can't do this!

It's 3:00, Mr. Bradford, just like you said.

Is it about the promotion?

Yes, Toby, you're now king of the idiots.

You're just in time to witness

my first order of business as the new chairman.

Edison, you're fired.

Pack up your infantile crap and get out!

And if this menace to humanity

ever trespasses on company property again,

I want his sorry ass arrested!

Bradford, wh-what are you doing?

I thought we were friends!

Welcome to the wonderful world of business.

And we were never friends.

I did get you a going-away present.

Funny thing...

Armand's board.

I took it apart completely,

but the answer wasn't in the board.

Now get this low-class trash out of my sight.

You've gotta believe me!

This whole thing was a mistake!

I'm sorry!

Attention, all little people,

this is Bradford "Big Daddy" McMillan,

the new chairman of the board.

Luau Wednesday has been canceled.

There's a new festival, unemployment Thursday,

unless you follow these rules:

All male employees with full heads of hair are fired.

Male employees who attempt to thin their hair

may be rehired, but only if they're shorter than me.

More to follow.

No...

What happened?

No. I got evicted.

No. Tell me this isn't happening!

My surfboard.

Dinosaur.

Yellow brick road.

Where did it all go?

No!

Oh, what did I do?

God!

Uhh!

Check it out, man.

Pathetic, ain't it?

Is he dead?

No!

Hey, guys.

Top of the morning.

Mr. I-can-buy-everything in-the-known-universe

and-still-have-enough-left to-pay-the-rent.

Oh, and don't say we didn't try to warn you.

I know. I know.

Look, I'm sorry about bouncing the check

and losing the beach house and all, all right?

Whew.

Well...

Guess we don't have no housework to do.

You want to wipe that bird crap off you

and go get some breakfast or what?

You guys still aren't tweaked?

You can make it up to us

by figuring out a way to heat that lifeguard shack.

It was so cold in there last night,

my nuts feel like snowballs.

I think my inventing days are over, guys.

They've caused way too many problems already.

Hey! That was your idea book!

Yeah, I know.

Bradford...

Bradford, I wish you'd reconsider selling.

I wish you'd reconsider dating.

Think of the people you're putting out of work

and their families.

Thank you, Joan of arc, but if I want sentiment,

I'll get a hallmark card.

This is your uncle's company.

Every generation has to make its Mark.

His was to build the company.

Mine is to...

Destroy it.

Man, I still don't get it.

Hey, guys...

This just doesn't make sense.

Look at this guy!

I designed that TV dinner myself, I'm telling you.

There's not enough radiation there

to make someone look like a walking night light.

I used to have a night light.

I used to have a house.

Look, we believe you, my cosmic buddy,

but what... how can you fight it?

Besides, in a half hour, it ain't your problem no more.

The universe will handle it, man.

This being homeless thing is really bumming me out.

I gotta ride some tubes.

You guys in?

Might as well.

Guess so.

Go ahead.

What's up?

What's wrong?

Wait a minute.

Holy bat guana! I'm onto something!

What's up?

Man, what the hell?

My glo-gunk formula's gone!

I saw your diary.

I think you're a natural.

Nice try, but it's me again.

I outrank her in these flashbacks.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I saw your diary.

You know, the inventions.

The ketchup helper. The bug zapper hat.

Glo-gunk.

They're great.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I've got it!

I got it!

Got what?

We got to get to the company before Bradford sells it.

Let's go!

Good-bye, bullshirt.

So long, p.O.S.

Larry...

What are you doing?

If he sees this... oh.

Mr. McMillan asked for all my work

to be delivered up here.

One more trip to R&D and...

He'll have it all.

Larry, you're going to be in trouble.

Do you think I care about what he says?

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

I didn't see you. I'm... I'm really sorry.

That's all right.

I know you didn't mean it.

Now, get out. You're fired.

Aren't we all laid off anyway?

Yes.

I just love saying it.

Get out! You're fired!

The old ways are best.

Mr. McMillan,

Ms. Kosik and the board members

are all here right now.

You realize what this means?

The final victory. Here, hold this.

I've got to change shirts.

Tell them I'll be upstairs in 2 minutes.

And then...

Get out! You're fired, too!

Crybaby.

Get out of the way! Coming through!

Out of the way!

You in the red car, freeze!

I've got you locked on target!

These crash test dummy masks were a great idea!

How did you know it would work, man?

Experience!

Gentlemen, let's begin.

But it isn't noon yet.

For goodness sake...

It is now.

I'm the chairman. I can do that.

I'm very happy to report

that, despite recent unpleasant circumstances,

Ms. Kosik of Globe Co.

Wants to purchase McMillan.

We've all put too many years into this company

to let it go down without a fight.

Globe co. Doesn't build anything.

It just squeezes the profits

out of any company it gets its grubby hands on

and then spits out the rest.

So what's your point?

The fact is, McMillan Industries

is worth more to me dismantled than operational.

The patent library, the land, and all the buildings

are what I really want.

The rest is...

how shall I put it?

Expendable.

You're talking about us, aren't you?

Well, I was going to take the high road,

but you had to say it.

I'd like to take the high road to your ass

with my shoe!

Ooh. I might enjoy that.

Gentlemen...

Please!

There are bound to be differences of opinion,

but that's why the board is a democracy.

Let's... put it to a vote, shall we?

Now...

All those in favor of the sale...

Which is to say, all those whose votes actually count

because they own 51% of the stock, say aye. Aye.

Congratulations, Ms. Kosik.

You've just bought yourself a company.

Thank you, Mr. McMillan.

I'm deeply grateful.

Well, I believe I just got a raise.

1-Adam-12. 1-Adam-12.

Scottie, we need warp factor 10!

Oh, man!

We are screwed!

Never fear.

Edison is here.

Now that's cool.

That's cool right there.

I never thought I'd get to use that one.

Let's scope out the situation, boys.

There's our problem, right there.

Wait a second. Hold on a second.

Wait a minute. Ha ha ha!

Buckle up, kids!

Yeah! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Ow! Ow!

Ooh! Ah!

All you have to do is sign here and here...

And here and here and here.

Here, here, here, here...

Then we just go to the back...

just... give it to me.

Absolutely correct. You know what to do.

Ahem.

All right, now...

Ink might help.

Does anyone have a pen

for Ms. Kosik that works?

So that's the way it is, is it?

Hello.

This is Bradford McMillan,

and I want a pen that...

Bradford McMillan.

And I need a pen...

oh.

B-r-a-d...

I'm the chairman of the board,

and I need a pen that works!

Waa! Aah!

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Good thing we got some paint left.

Well, now he's got a convertible.

Come on, Edison, let's go.

We got a minute left.

Move! Out of the way!

I guess it will all be over soon.

Edison! What are you doing here?

Going to save the company!

Come on, guys!

If this one doesn't work, I'll kill you.

All right, Ms. Kosik,

let's wrap this up, shall we?

Hey, wait, wait, wait!

You again.

Get security up here! Immediately!

My chef Edison TV dinners

never did any harm to anyone.

Are you delusional as well as stupid?

You saw the news report just like the rest of us.

Oh, yeah. Well, maybe this will prove it to you all.

See? A little dab of my nontoxic glo-gunk

and anyone can claim they've been exposed to radiation.

If those TV dinners were releasing that much radiation,

that guy suing this company... That alosi fella...

He wouldn't be glowing.

He'd be a charcoal briquette!

Wonderful show. Bravo!

I laughed, I cried.

Now get out. Haven't you done enough harm

to this company already?

Me? This whole toxic TV dinner thing

was a scam, wasn't it?

So you could get control of this company.

I bet you two planned this whole thing.

No...

But I wish I'd thought of it.

It's a brilliant idea.

Really?

I mean, it's... it's ridiculous.

I'm innocent.

Poo!

Who cut the cheese?

The bullshirt!

Bradford, something about your story stinks!

Aha! See? He's lying!

All right now, pull over.

No, um, that's not right.

Get them out of here!

H-hold on a minute!

Continue, Edison.

Thank you, sir.

Riddle me this, Bradford:

Have you ever stolen, I don't know,

say, office supplies?

No.

There it is again.

You stole my formula for glo-gunk, didn't you?

Glo-gunk? I've never even heard of it.

And the guy that's glowing is some phony you hired,

isn't it? Come on!

No, I wouldn't... I never hired anybody.

Just because you didn't get some silly inheritance.

You mean to tell me that you'd sell out your uncle

and everyone that works for this company?

He's lying!

Can't you see that?

He's the one who's lying!

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...

I rest my case.

Oh, yeah. I'm convinced.

Would you please go back to sleep?

Bradford...

On behalf of myself

and the rest of the members of the board,

it gives me great pleasure to inform you

that you are fired!

You can't fire me, Freemont.

But I can fire you.

I still own 51% of the stock.

Uh, not when the securities and exchange commission

hears about your little hoax.

You'll be lucky if you end up

with only 10 to 20 behind bars.

With what evidence?

Well, I would be happy to testify.

Good, because I'm gonna...

what?!

For a percentage of the gross, of course.

That bullshirt of yours is worth millions.

I'd be happy to help you put Bradford away...

For a piece of the action.

Kosik...

You got a deal.

Call me...

For the depo.

But...

It was Kosik's idea all along.

I'm just the patsy.

Ah!

Oh, shut up, Bradford.

Security...

Remove him.

Get that turd out of here.

With pleasure.

Hold on!

I'm sorry.

Wait!

Nothing like this will ever happen again.

Hold it! Do you have any...?

Get him!

Aaarrghh!

Ha-ha ha-ha!

Ha ha ha... aah!

Aah!

I'll take this car, then.

He's getting away!

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

How do I...?

Aaarrghh!

You shouldn't have done that.

You're in trouble now!

Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Oh, is that so?

Didn't feel a thing.

Ugh.

I call it the club foot,

because crime doesn't pay.

It just hurts like a bitch.

Nice work.

Thanks.

Very nice work, Mr. Chairman of the board.

Chairman?

You guys still want me to run the company?

We'd all like that, Edison.

I appreciate your confidence in me, guys,

but I just want to go back to being Edison.

That's a job that I'm good at.

Then who's going to run the company?

Hmm...

Let's see,

how about Natalie?

Me?

Sure. I can't think of anyone more qualified.

All in favor, say aye.

Aye! aye! Aye! aye!

Thank you.

I... i... i don't know what to say.

What about you?

What are you going to do?

Oh, me? I don't know.

Maybe if you offered me

something down in R&D with Larry,

I don't know, inventing stuff, uh...

I wouldn't say no.

Well...

Obviously I'd have to see a résumé.

I mean, do you have any qualifications?

Excuse me, fellas.

Ooh! Ooh!

Will that do?

That's not bad.

Do you have any special skills?

Special skills.

What about the no fraternization clause?

That's beautiful, man!

Why does she need cpr?

He's vertical!

All right, Edison!

Ok!

Natalie, Ty, Zak, look!

Look out for the rocks!

Oh, not again!

Aah! Aah!

Oh! Ah!

Edison?

Edison, can you hear me?

Are you all right?

You all right, buddy?

How many fingers I got up? Can you count?

That was so cool!

Step aside!

Out of my way, you half-wits!

Ugh! Look at you,

you sorry excuse for a mammal.

Is... is he going to be ok?

Don't worry. I'm an expert at cpr.

Uhhhh...

Oh, yuck!

No... no...

Nooooo!

♪ Well, I'm going out west where I belong ♪

♪ Where the days are short and the nights are long ♪

♪ And I walk, and they walk ♪

♪ I twist, and they twist ♪

♪ I shimmy, and they shimmy ♪

♪ I fly, and they fly, yeah ♪

♪ We're out there havin' fun ♪

♪ In the warm California sun ♪

♪ We're going out west, out on the coast ♪

♪ Where the California girls are really the most ♪

♪ And I walk, and they walk ♪

♪ I twist, and they twist ♪

♪ I shimmy, and they shimmy ♪

♪ I fly, and they fly, yeah ♪

♪ We're out there havin' fun ♪

♪ In the warm California sun ♪

♪ The girls are frisky in old frisco ♪

♪ A pretty little chick wherever you go ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh

♪ And I walk, and they walk ♪

♪ I twist, and they twist ♪

♪ I shimmy, and they shimmy ♪

♪ I fly, and they fly, yeah ♪

♪ We're out there havin' fun ♪

♪ In the warm California sun ♪

♪ We're out there havin' fun ♪

♪ Yeah, in the warm California sun ♪

♪ Let's luau